Magic
by RainbowDiamonds
Summary: Kendall Knight has been wishing for a chance with a beautiful stranger for two years. He finally gets his wish, but the sudden revelation that James Diamond is a father turns both their worlds upside down. Can he work his magic in the lives of his new boyfriend and a little boy that doesn't believe in happily ever after? James/Kendall. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Welcome to my new story! I wasn't planning to post any of this until after "Heart" was complete on the site, but I've been working on this one for a few weeks and was unsure about it. Today I finally got a handle on it and where it's going to go, so I feel confident enough to post the first chapter to get a feel. I won't be posting the next chapter until after "Heart" is done here, so at least a few weeks. This is just a taste.

A few notes. My beta informed me that she was reminded of the movie _Baby Boom_ as she read this, so if there are similarities I apologize. I've never seen the movie myself. My goal here was to write a story where James is a dad, and that's going to be the main thrust once the story gets going. At this point I'm still planning for it to be all told from Kendall's point of view, so there will be flashbacks along the way to explain what James is relating to Kendall. I don't usually do a lot of flashbacks, and I decided to go with changing the tense for them. It's a little backward, using the present tense when writing about the past, but it felt right for the story. So flashbacks will be in the present tense and italicized.

Of course I'm grateful to all of you who have read my stories and supported me, and I thank you so much for reading this if you are. However, an extra thank you to my beta and to EpicallyObsessed for encouraging me and being a sounding board for this story. Sometimes I need to bounce ideas off people and get feedback, and they're so awesome when it comes to that. So this one's dedicated to both of you.

I think that's it! I've rambled enough. Here's hoping you like this one. :)

* * *

The breakroom at Black Forest Coffee wasn't Kendall Knight's favorite place to study, but with his new internship at the law firm, he'd had to juggle his schedule a bit. The biggest change? Working evenings twice a week rather than his usual morning shifts. Kendall was learning that evenings were much more relaxed than the hustle and bustle of impatient people on their way to work, and had started to look forward to the later shifts. Sometimes he wished his evening classes didn't prevent him from working solely those shifts, but then when he remembered that doing so would take away the highlight of his day, he was fine with it. As far as he knew, his favorite customer only stopped by in the mornings. It was a little thing, but still that smile made his heart dance every time it was aimed his way.

So for now, he'd put up with the cranky assholes who hadn't had their jolt of caffeine. It was only four out of six workdays a week, and as he was never on the register (and forever grateful he'd graduated from that position), he rarely had to deal with the customers directly outside of passing over an order. Of course if someone complained about an order being wrong he was forced to correct the problem, but Kendall had a way about him that magically calmed down irate customers. Most of the time they left with a smile on their faces anyway, and the manager often sent Kendall to deal with the troublemakers because she knew he would take care of the issue in a way that left the customer satisfied. She'd also begged him repeatedly to take a supervisor position, but in that Kendall held his ground because between law school, this job, and now the internship on top of that, there was no way he'd be able to keep his sanity having to deal with managerial functions.

The truth was Kendall liked making coffee. The whir of the machines was soothing to him, the scent like Heaven. It was a comforting aroma, probably because it took him back to his childhood and memories of his father dragging him along for a cup of coffee before dropping Kendall off at school. He remembered standing near the counter of their town's local coffeehouse and telling his dad that it had to be the best place to work and when he grew up, that's what he wanted to do. His father laughed at the notion and promised Kendall that his future job would be much more important than "pouring a cup of coffee." Twenty years later, his father's prediction had proved both right and wrong. He wanted to make a difference in the world through the practice of law, yet he thought he could probably be happy doing nothing more than this for the rest of his life.

Especially if it meant getting a beautiful smile from the gorgeous man who completely turned his insides to jelly on an almost-daily basis.

Kendall thought of the beauty now, sad that today he wouldn't be touched by the magic of those green eyes that were flecked with just enough brown to be called hazel. He'd fallen asleep many nights daydreaming about the man, imagining conversations and amorous moments that he wouldn't admit even to his best friend. There was nothing wrong with a bit of harmless fantasy, right?

Forcefully shaking the distraction away, Kendall focused on the textbook open in front of him. He was down to fifteen minutes before the start of his shift, and he wanted to get through this chapter before having to throw in the towel for the night.

Homework apparently wasn't in the cards, though. He made it through two sentences before Carlos burst through the door. "Dude! You're here!"

"Why do you sound surprised? I never call out."

"No, it's not surprise, it's excitement! I've been waiting all day to tell you what happened this morning!"

"Did someone pour their coffee over Monica's head again? You realize that's not funny, right?"

"Shut up, I'm telling you, you had to be there. I wish I got it on video!"

Kendall shook his head and dropped a pen into the crease where the book's pages met; he obviously wasn't going to get anywhere. Sitting back in the chair, he crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, what happened? Wait, are you off?"

"Yeah, Annie said I could clock out early since it's slow. Man, you are so lucky to be on this shift. Today was insane. There's some new outdoor mall that opened up down the street and we got slammed."

"Which means the competition was too packed," Kendall smiled. Most might think that was bad news, but Kendall had learned that getting the famous chain's overflow worked to Black Forest's benefit; rarely a day went by when a customer didn't mention they'd only stopped in because "the place across the street is a madhouse and I'm so glad I did. Better prices, better coffee, and nicer people." The script changed a tiny bit with each customer, but the message was always the same. It made Kendall proud.

"Okay, whatever, forget about that. Dude, you're not gonna believe this!"

Gina poked her head inside the door. "Did you tell him about his boyfriend yet?"

"Shhhhh, I was just about to! Shouldn't you be watching the front?"

"The place is empty. Hurry, I want to see his reaction."

Kendall's lips pressed together before he spoke. "Will you guys quit calling him that? He doesn't even know I exist."

"Ha!" Gina exclaimed. "That's what—shit, somebody just came in. Dammit, Carlos, you waited too long."

The door swung shut behind her, leaving Carlos alone with Kendall. "What happened with James?"

"Okay, so." Carlos dragged out the chair across from Kendall and fell into it, leaning forward with a twinkle of anticipation in his eye. "He came in this morning like always, phone glued to his ear. Put in his order, then moved down by the pickup area to wait. Still on his phone."

Nothing new there, it sounded like every other morning. "Was he wearing the coat?"

"Uh...I think so? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. What's your fascination with that coat anyway?"

"He just looks hot as fuck in it. I never thought I'd be a fan of cashmere, but the way it drapes down his body and hugs his thighs every time he moves..." He got lost in the vision for a moment before clearing his throat. "So far it's the same as every morning. Get to the good part."

"So Corey makes his latte and calls his name. I admit I looked over to check him out, knowing you'd want a rundown."

"Carlos, when have I ever asked you for a 'rundown'?"

"Oh, please. Every time you have a day off, you ask me about him. 'Did he look tired?' 'Were his bangs up or down?' 'Had he shaved or did he have that hint of stubble that's so sexy?' And don't even act like you didn't just ask me about the coat!"

Rather than try to defend himself or deny it, Kendall shifted his gaze down to the textbook with flushed cheeks. It was useless to try to lie to his best friend. "Fine. So you looked over and saw what?"

"Nothing right away. He was still on his phone, listening to someone talk but more focused on the coffee."

"Right, he always does that when he's on the phone. He'll make noises like 'uh huh' and 'right' but that first sip of coffee is like an orgasm for him. I see it on his face. It's like he gets out of bed every day just for that."

"And you love that you can make him happy like that, don't you?" Carlos teased.

Kendall shrugged, embarrassed again. "Remember the first day he came in?"

"I wasn't here."

"Oh. Right."

"But I've heard about it enough that I feel like I was there. Was it really twenty bucks?"

"It really was," Kendall smiled.

"Is that what made you fall in love with him?"

"I'm not in love with him, I don't even know the guy. And no, it wasn't about the money. It's never been about the money."

"What exactly is it?" Carlos wondered. "I know he's hot, but we get hot guys in here every day and you don't even give them a second look. What is it about James that caught your eye?"

Kendall didn't know how to answer that question because he wasn't sure himself. There'd just been something about the man, even before the twenty-dollar bill made an appearance. He thought back now, reliving the moment briefly and remembering his first glimpse of what would quickly become the highlight of every day.

 _Gina slides the ticket over to him and he glances down, about to roll his eyes. He's learned that customers who ordered such difficult drinks were usually critical, picky types who thought they were better than everyone else. But Kendall's always up for a challenge and prides himself on making each drink perfectly, so he sets to work on the triple latte with no foam, extra cream, a drizzle of caramel, whipped cream on top and two—two, he chuckles to himself—sprinkles of cinnamon. Nodding once it's done, he calls out the name on the ticket._

 _James._

 _The man who approaches is distracted, staring down at his phone, and he barely looks up to reach for the cup. He bumps it with his hand instead and almost knocks it over, but Kendall is there to save it._

" _Whoa," he jokes. "Got it?"_

 _Their fingers brush together as James takes the cup. He seems annoyed, with himself or someone else Kendall isn't sure, but then those eyes lock on his as the man says, "Thanks."_

 _Just like that he's gone. Kendall stares at his retreating back, wondering why he suddenly can't breathe. They'd made eye contact for all of two seconds, their fingers touching for even less time than that. Kendall can still feel the spark, though, and wishes James would turn around and look at him again._

 _And then, miraculously, it happens. After taking a sip, James' steps halt. He takes another sip, then spins around to let his gaze roam over everyone behind the counter. "Who made this?" he suddenly demands, eyes blazing._

 _The place goes quiet, Gina and Monica glancing furtively toward Kendall as if scared for his life. Kendall isn't so sure they're wrong to be with the way James is staring them all down. Kendall's not a coward, though, and straightens before firmly answering the question. "I did." There is absolutely nothing wrong with the drink and Kendall knows it; let the man do his worst._

 _Now James is taking notice, studying Kendall as he approaches the counter again. Sizing him up. He stops to take one more sip, then sets the cup down between them and says, "This is the best coffee I've ever had in my entire life. It's exactly how I like it."_

 _Having expected the opposite to be true, Kendall blinks into those hazel eyes a few times. "Thanks?" He's back to not being able to breathe._

 _James reaches into a pocket and comes out with a wad of cash neatly held together with a money clip. The clip is removed and James thumbs through the bills to slip out a twenty and slap it down on the counter. "This is for you."_

 _As much as Kendall wants to take it, he has to decline. "Thank you, sir, but I can't accept that."_

" _Of course you can. It's well deserved."_

" _All tips are supposed to go in the jar by the register."_

" _I don't give a shit. You made this, you get the tip. Out of all the coffeehouses I've been to in my life, you're the first person to make it the way I like it. Take the tip."_

 _He feels Gina and Monica watching to see what he'll do. Sensing that he isn't going to win this argument with James, he nods. "Okay. Thank you."_

" _Thank_ you. _You'll definitely be seeing my face again."_

 _The idea of it brings a genuine smile to Kendall's lips, and it might be his imagination but he could swear one corner of James' mouth is tugging up. "I look forward to it."_

 _For two more seconds James' eyes linger on his, and then he spins away to continue with his day. Kendall slides the bill off the counter and walks over to drop it in the tip jar. What James doesn't know won't hurt him._

"I think...I think his eyes," Kendall says now. "They're magnetic. And his smile. He didn't smile at me that first day, not a real smile, but I always get one now. Never more than that, though. We don't talk."

"Not at all?"

"No more than 'thanks' and 'you're welcome.' But the smile...that's enough. Wait, you're distracting me. Hurry up, I start soon. Corey made his latte and then what?"

"Oh, so he takes off like always, but he only gets like three steps away before he stops and spins around with this look on his face like...like he's disgusted? I knew right away Corey messed up and this guy was gonna blow."

"Oh, Corey," Kendall sighed. "He tries, but...he's a little heavy-handed with the sprinkles. James is very particular, I'm sure he noticed."

"He flipped, dude. He came back to the counter and looked at me, and I wanted to run. He's scary when he's pissed."

"I can imagine."

"But I felt bad for Corey, so I was like 'Is there a problem sir?' Thinking maybe I can run interference, you know? He goes, 'Who made this?' And I couldn't lie, right? Corey turned around and was like, 'Uh...me? Is there something wrong?' So James looks at his name tag and goes, 'Corey. Can you count?'"

"Oh my god." Kendall covered his face. "Poor Corey."

"And Corey's like 'I'm sorry?' James said, 'How many sprinkles of cinnamon did I ask for, Corey?' Before Corey could even answer he goes, 'Two. Two sprinkles, Corey. How many did you put in here?' Corey's all scared at this point, you know how he is with difficult customers."

Kendall knew alright. "Did he cry?"

"Nah, we told him to shake it off. Stop asking questions, I'm getting to the good part! But Corey actually defended himself to James, he goes, 'That's how many I put in, sir. Two.' And James goes, 'Then why is there so much cinnamon in this that it completely overpowers the taste of the caramel?' Corey didn't know what to say. I offered to remake it for him and he goes, 'Don't bother. Where's Kendall?'"

Kendall thought for a second he'd heard wrong. From the expression on Carlos' face he knew better, then gave in to a shocked gasp while covering his mouth with both hands. "Shut up! You're making that up!"

"I'm not! He fucking knows your name, dude!"

"Oh my god. Oh my _god."_ He allowed himself five seconds of excitement before reality kicked in. "Well...I mean, I _do_ wear a name tag. I don't know why I'm so surprised. This isn't a big deal."

"There's more."

Kendall bit his lip so hard he almost drew blood. "More?"

"Yep. I told him you weren't here and he goes, 'Well, you could all learn a thing or two from him. Get his ass in here every day if you want your customers to keep coming back."

Another gasp had Kendall feeling light-headed. Or maybe it was just the idea that James appreciated him that much. "He really said that?"

"Totally. He left after that, all pissed off, and he made a show of dumping the coffee in the trash on the way out. What a diva."

"That's insane." It should bother him that the guy he fantasized about treated his co-worker like crap, right? This shouldn't be something he was happy about. "You heard him say my name?"

"Duh. I was right there."

"I wish I could've heard it."

The door opened again. "Did you tell him?"

"You can't tell by the lovesick look in his eyes?"

Gina snickered. "You need to write your number on the cup next time."

"You should!" Carlos exclaimed.

"What? No, it's not like that. He likes the way I make his coffee. Big deal."

"And he remembers your name," Gina grinned. "You obviously made an impression."

"Yes, because I'm a talented barista. That's all it is." After a beat he added, "Though the smiley faces might be part of it, too. I wonder if he's ever even noticed that I do that for him."

"He noticed," Carlos promised. "I guarantee it. When are you gonna actually strike up a conversation with him?"

"Never." Kendall stood up and shut his book after capping the pen, barely aware of Gina slipping out of the room again. "Guys like that don't go for guys like me."

Carlos argued, "You said it yourself, you don't know anything about him. You're always the one telling me not to judge people on appearances. Don't do it yourself."

"I'm not, it's just the vibe I get. Rich guys like that either have super clingy girlfriends or whores on tap they can call on whenever they need one."

"You're totally stereotyping. And you're not even considering that he might be gay."

"Nope," Kendall agreed. He zipped up his backpack and stored it under the table. "The second I get my hopes up, I'm ruined. It's better to assume the worst."

"Kendall, come on. You always tell me to keep believing my soulmate is out there and when the time is right, he'll come into my life. Why can't the same be true for you?"

"It might be. I just don't think this guy is my soulmate."

Carlos watched Kendall tie on his apron and affix the name tag, but stopped him on the way out with a hand on his arm. "Do you want him to be?"

Kendall considered lying, but again—his best friend would see right through him. "At night, sometimes I think about him and wonder what it would be like. What _we_ would be like. It's a nice idea, but that's all it'll ever be."

This time Carlos let him go, and Kendall was glad. It would be too easy to let himself get caught up in the idea that Carlos might be right.

* * *

The following day began like any other, but as the minutes ticked by and James still hadn't shown up an hour after his usual time, Kendall began to worry. During a slow moment he closed the distance to Carlos and said quietly, "I think James was serious yesterday."

"About what?"

"Keeping customers. Not coming back. I think Corey chased him away." Kendall tried to keep the trepidation out of his voice, not wanting to admit that something as meaningless as a smile from a stranger had such an effect on him that he was about to cry. Kendall _never_ cried.

"Oh, yeah, he's usually in by nine-thirty, isn't he? I didn't even realize."

"I feel bad for Corey, but...I mean..."

"Dude, it's okay. I know how special James is to you. I don't really get why, there are millions of other hotter and probably nicer guys in the world, but I know you really like him, so...I'm sorry."

Kendall shook his head, angry at himself for getting so bent out of shape over this. "Since it's slowed down, I'm think I'm just gonna take my lunch early." He started untying his apron.

"What if James shows up and you're not here?"

"Come get me. For that, I'd clock back in and finish my lunch later."

"You got it," Carlos chuckled.

Kendall had pulled his time card out of the slot, his apron slung over his forearm, when a loud "PSSSSSSST!" came from the counter area. Two seconds later Carlos' excited whisper floated to him. "Kendall!"

He froze. Hands shaking, he returned the card to its place and lowered the strap of the apron over his head again before tying it behind his back. Only then did he turn around, and the gaze looking for him settled on his face with a satisfied nod. "Good, you're back." Just like that James was gone, moving to the other end of the counter to stand in line.

James was wearing the coat again today, but his habitual black jeans were replaced with...slacks? Trousers? Kendall never knew exactly what they should be called. To him, they were simply nice pants, the type he wore when jeans weren't allowed—and only then. The coat was buttoned up tight, as it was nearly freezing outside, and Kendall tried not to stare as James removed soft black leather gloves from each hand. Had he ever taken off the gloves when he was wearing them? Kendall didn't think so, because the sight of it now was so seductive that he forced himself to look away.

But not before noting that the bangs, which fell onto James' forehead 90% of the time, had been swept up into a classy wave that gave James an older, more sophisticated look. Kendall preferred the relaxed look of the bangs, but this was a novelty because it was rare.

 _Stop staring at him. You're gonna creep him out. Stop staring at him!_

Kendall turned his back and reached for the cup he knew James would be ordering, then got to work on the drink. He may be nothing more than a guy who made good coffee in James' life, but he was determined to continue to be that. Kendall didn't even bother to glance down at the order when it was passed over, and ignored the other two that rightfully should've been done before James'. Annie would want him to do whatever he could to keep a loyal customer on the verge of taking his business elsewhere, right?

For that reason, Kendall had the latte ready just as James moved in to wait. Rather than call out the name like he usually did, he slid it across the counter and nodded at James. "Your order, sir."

James' brows rose, then a slow smile spread his lips wider. He stepped closer and picked the cup up with that same satisfied nod. _"That's_ how you serve coffee. I hope they appreciate you around here."

"They do." He willed his cheeks not to color. "But...thank you."

"Thank _you."_

Kendall let out a breath once James turned away, trying to calm down enough to get back into a rhythm and start the next orders. James had a way of shaking him up that was both scary and intoxicating.

Two steps later, though, James halted. Kendall's breath caught. He'd done something wrong. He'd done something wrong and James was about to yell at him and then never set foot in here again.

He braced himself for it, meeting James' stare head-on and keeping his back straight. "Is something wrong, sir?"

"Yes, actually." James didn't sound mad, at least. More...amused? "You forgot the smiley face."

The smiley face. _Fuck._ Kendall _had_ forgotten that. He hadn't even written James' name on the cup this time in his hurry to get it done.

Then James added more. "You know I can't get through the day without a smile from you."

Kendall's lips barely moved. He was reading too much into this, wasn't he? Kendall nodded woodenly. "Let me fix that."

He reached for the marker while holding out a hand for the cup. James moved close enough to hand it over, and Kendall was about to draw his lame little doodle when a whisper came from...the floor?

He glanced down to see Carlos on all fours as if looking for something. "Number!" he hissed. "He wants it! Now!"

Kendall's foot connected with Carlos' hip—hard. The smiley face done, Kendall returned the cup. "Here you go. I'll be more careful in the future."

"No need," James winked. "You're perfect the way you are."

A barely audible "YES!" floated to Kendall from below. "Have a nice day, sir."

"You, as well." With that, James spun away again, this time not heading for the door as he always did.

This time, he found his way to a table in the corner of the building, which was cozy and decorated as if they were inside a cabin. James shrugged out of the coat to reveal a pristine white button-down with long sleeves, then laid the coat across a chair to his right before sinking down and taking that first sip. His face showed the ecstasy he seemed to long for each day, then he whipped out his phone to check for...who knew what.

"He's not leaving," Kendall whispered in awe.

"What?!" Carlos was still at his feet, though at least seated on the floor now.

"He took a table. He's drinking it here!"

"He's never done that!"

"I know!"

Kendall barely kept from crying out when Carlos grabbed his hand and dragged him down to his level. "He was flirting with you, don't even try to say it was innocent. Now he's sitting over there hoping you'll talk to him."

"He is not!"

"He _is!_ Take your lunch and go sit at a table by his. I'm telling you, he wants to ask you out!"

"Maybe he's just...just..."

"Just nothing! Stop finding excuses and go talk to him!"

Kendall stood up straight again, suddenly pushed aside when Glenn called out the name of the next customer Kendall was so blatantly ignoring. "Do you really think so?" he asked Carlos. "Not just wishful thinking, it's not my imagination and there's really something there?"

"Totally! Now go get him!"

Maybe Carlos was right. Maybe miracles did happen.

Having no idea what he was going to say when he got there, Kendall slipped out from the behind the counter and toward the table. James would know what to say. James seemed like the type to be practiced in the art of seduction.

Seven steps left. Seven steps and Kendall would be there. If only James would look up; he'd know from James' expression whether this was invited or he should pretend it was something work-related.

Then James did. He sat up straighter upon noticing Kendall's approach, something like hope blooming in his eyes, and then Kendall's vision was blocked by a body coming between them.

"Mr. Diamond?"

James suddenly stood. "Yes. Hi. Paul, right?"

Coming to an abrupt halt, Kendall felt his heart drop when the man between them held out a hand. They shook, then both took their seats and the man set a briefcase on the table.

Kendall had never felt more like an idiot. He rushed back to the safety of the counter, not stopping once there and instead practically running to the breakroom. Carlos was close behind.

"I hate you," Kendall spat. "I hate you!"

"Dude, I'm telling you—"

"Forget it! You were wrong, it's all in my head, he didn't stay here for me. I can't believe I was so stupid!"

"Stop it, you're not stupid."

"Just...leave me alone!"

"No. I'm telling you, there's something there. He wants you!"

Kendall spun to glower at Carlos across the breakroom table. "Why are you so determined to make something of this? Why can't you just let it go?"

"Because I'm right! And because...Kendall..." Carlos ran a hand over his face, calm when he said, "Sit down."

"No. I'm taking my lunch and getting the hell out of here. I can't even face him again."

Carlos rounded the table to pull out a chair, gesturing for Kendall to sit. Because what he truly felt like was either crying or punching something, Kendall caved and sank down. After Carlos took the next chair over, he said, "I just want you to find someone."

"Why? I'm too busy for a boyfriend anyway."

"You're lonely."

"What? I'm not lonely! I don't have time to be lonely."

"Dude...your goal is to help families, right?"

"Yes. That's what family law is all about. What does this have to do with James?"

"So what you really need in life is to bring families together. _Keep_ them together. Make sure the kids in those families are taken care of. That's what you told me once, right? That it's more about the kids for you, and wanting to give them a good life?"

"I'm not seeing your point."

"Why do you think that is, Kendall? It's because you didn't have someone to do that for you in your parents' divorce. I remember all that, you just wanted your family back. You cried every night for months after your dad moved out."

Kendall blinked now against the tears that surprised him from the memory of that painful time in his life. "All of that has nothing to do with James or with me finding a boyfriend now."

"I think it does. You've never said it, but I think what you want most in life is to have a family again."

"I have Mom and Katie. It's not like I'm completely alone."

"But you hardly see them since we moved here. Even your mom thinks you need a boyfriend."

"Of course you guys talk about me behind my back. What do you do, have weekly phone calls about the state of Kendall?"

"Sometimes," Carlos admitted. "We both think you work yourself too hard. Look, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe James isn't your soulmate. But with the schedule you keep up, you don't meet a lot of new people and right now that guy is your best prospect. You want him, Kendall. There's nothing wrong with seeing where it might go."

"I already know where it might go," Kendall sighed. "It just went there. I'm happy just watching this guy from a distance, getting a smile every day. Why is that wrong? Why do you have to make it into something more?"

"Because you're lying to yourself and you _want_ something more." Carlos nudged Kendall's elbow with a smirk to lighten the mood. "Besides, he might have a hot friend you can hook me up with."

"Oh, now we get to the real reason. You're horny."

"When am I not?" Carlos allowed Kendall another few seconds to stay inside his head before saying, "I need to get back out there before Gina has a fit. Why not come with me, wait until your hot guy leaves to take your lunch, and let yourself sneak some peeks at him until then? He's sitting where you'll see him every time you hand out an order."

The idea _was_ tempting. He'd never had time to really study James before, as the man was always in and out in under five minutes and Kendall was busy working through all of it. "He's probably already gone."

"One way to find out," Carlos reminded him.

Kendall grudgingly followed Carlos back into the main room, stomping down on the part of his heart that jumped when he saw that James was still there, deep in conversation with...Paul? And what had the man called him?

 _Diamond. Mr. Diamond. James Diamond._

Kendall thought it was a perfect surname for someone who brightened the room every time he walked in. Maybe Carlos was right; it couldn't hurt to enjoy the man's presence from a distance, right?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Merry Christmas! I decided to go ahead and post this chapter just because it's Christmas and why not? Those who reviewed this really seemed to like the first chapter so here's hoping you like where the story's going and that this makes you smile.

Just one more note to say that I know very little about how the court system works in situations of this nature, so I'm going off what I do know and if any of this story doesn't match up to what would happen in the real world, I apologize for that. Thank you for being understanding! :)

* * *

That part of it didn't quite work out as planned, though, because instead of enjoying James' presence, Kendall grew concerned for the man. Paul only stayed another ten minutes, but during that time Kendall picked up that James was at times agitated by whatever they were discussing and at others looked as if he'd eaten something that disagreed with his stomach. For the first time in his life, Kendall was too distracted to make his orders to perfection and got sloppy, and also couldn't bring himself to care. Whatever James was going through, it was highly upsetting to him.

Just before Paul left, Kendall noted that when James lifted his coffee to his lips he tilted his head way back as if sucking down the last dregs of it. A new latte was concocted, Kendall careful this time, and he waited until James was alone to murmur to Carlos, "I'll pay for this before I clock in from lunch. See you in thirty."

"He's still here!" Carlos hissed. "Please don't go hide in the back."

"I'm not. Just...trust me."

After punching out, Kendall picked up the cup of coffee and rounded the counter to slowly approach James, who looked as if he'd been blindsided and was in too much shock to notice Kendall. There were no nerves this time because the man's obvious distress called out to Kendall, who wanted nothing more than to see James smile again. He quietly set down the latte and picked up the empty cup. "This one's on me," he said softly.

James blinked a few times as if coming back to the moment, then lifted his face in surprise. "What?"

"Refill. On me. And...I know this might come off weird since we don't know each other, but...are you okay?"

An amused sound that was on the edge of hysteria slipped out before James answered, "Not at all. But..." He sipped at the drink with that satisfied look on his face and added, "this helps. Thank you."

"Anytime. If you uh...if you ever need someone to talk to..."

Now he had James' full attention. Deep hazel eyes that were full of so much... _something_...stared up. "I'll remember that."

It was James' way of declining the offer. Kendall nodded and mumbled a quick "See you tomorrow" before heading toward the breakroom. He reached into his backpack for a textbook, mind still jumbled with James, and when it was halfway out of the pack he shoved it back in resolutely.

 _Fuck this. The man obviously needs a friend._

Of course he surely had one and would be calling said friend soon enough. Probably the moment he stepped out of here. But before that, or if the friend was perhaps busy, Kendall wanted to be in place. He gathered his small cooler from the fridge and took it outside the room, not stopping until he'd taken a seat at an empty table close to James' and where James would be sure to see that he was there, then pulled out his phone and pretended to be engrossed in that. In truth, though, he was hyperaware that James was studying him, and it took everything in Kendall to keep his eyes trained on anything else.

His can of soda was popped open. His sandwich made it out of the bag. James was suddenly standing over him.

"Were you...did you mean that?"

Kendall's stomach flipped over so many times he could barely keep from pressing a hand to it. He smiled up at James. "Of course." He used his foot to kick a chair out from the table and gestured toward it.

Relieved, James dropped into it and set his coffee down, then ran a hand through his hair. Still agitated. Kendall reached in for a baggie of homemade cookies and tossed it across the table. "You look like you could use these right now."

"Oh my god. Are there peanut butter chips in those?"

"And chocolate."

"I don't want to take the joy out of your day."

"Oh, trust me," Kendall smirked. "I have much better things than homemade cookies to look forward to every day."

James studied him again, the comment not going over his head. A touch of color tinted his cheeks, then he nodded. "Okay, then. Thanks. _Again."_

"No problem." Kendall bit into his sandwich, gaze glued to James' ecstatic face as he chewed his first bite of cookie.

"Oh god," he moaned with his mouth full. "Did you make these?"

"Yep. Mom's recipe."

"Fucking fantastic. Tell Mom I approve."

"She'll be glad to hear it," Kendall grinned, thinking that would go double if he added that James was a guy Kendall was dating. Earlier it had seemed impossible that Carlos was right, that James had been flirting with him, but now...well, the man was sitting here, wasn't he? "So...is Paul a friend?"

"No," James replied emphatically. "Paul is _not_ a friend. Paul is a lawyer who called me yesterday and asked to meet about 'personal business.' I deal with a lot of people who say that, so I assumed it was just like every other meeting. The lawyer thing should've tipped me off that this was different, but...I don't know. He said it would only take ten minutes of my time and asked for a place to meet. Black Forest was my first thought."

"We're flattered," Kendall joked.

Though a wan smile touched James' lips, it faded quickly. A sip of latte and a second cookie fortified him enough to continue. "According to Paul, I'm a father."

The bit of sandwich currently in Kendall's mouth suddenly lost its taste. "I'm...sorry?"

"That's almost exactly what I said," James commented wryly. "I thought he was joking. But no, he claims I have a son."

"Oh. Wow. This...is that good?"

"It's..." James shrugged, gaze shooting around the room. "It's not like I haven't heard that one before."

"Ah." It was just as he'd suspected; James wasn't gay and had many women in his life. Suddenly the sandwich was revolting. He pushed it away and washed down the current bite with soda, determined to make it through this conversation without letting his own disappointment show. He was here to listen to someone who needed a friend. Or...something like that.

"There have been a few women that tried to rope me in that way. Every time, I immediately said, 'Let's settle this right now and get a DNA test.' And every time, they had a change of heart and 'Oh, I was mistaken. The timing is wrong.'" James bit his lip and stared off into space again. "Not this time, though. This time...it's dead on."

Because what he wanted to do was hold James' hand, Kendall nudged the latte closer to James. A soft smile of gratitude appeared before James sucked it down.

"So this one's yours? For sure?"

"I...honestly? I guess he has to be, but...I can't understand why she wouldn't tell me. How she could've hidden this from me for five years. The Shannon I knew would never keep something this huge from me. She was my best friend."

"How long has it been since you've seen her?" Kendall wondered.

"About six years. She went away to college and I moved out here and...she completely cut me out of her life. She changed her number after she moved and I even asked our buddy Logan but she wasn't speaking to him, either. The truth is that getting past that was really hard, it killed me that she didn't want anything to do with us. We'd all been best friends since grade school. I broke down and called her parents one night. They always hated me but I was desperate. They told me she was starting a new life and wanted to forget the old one, and..."

This time Kendall didn't hold back, because James was blinking against a mist that now clouded his eyes. He laid his hand over James', squeezing gently, and James responded in kind before pulling away to wipe at his eyes with a napkin. "So you can see why I'm so shocked. Last I heard she wanted nothing to do with me, and now suddenly I'm finding out we had a kid. Or...at least that's what Paul claims."

Kendall nodded slowly. "So you two definitely...there were times when you were more than friends?"

"One. There was one time. Grad night. We were all a little wasted and I was a wreck because both she and Logan were taking off for college and I was gonna be alone and...it's pathetic but back then I didn't know how to function without them. I was a major screw-up and they were both so damn smart but they loved me anyway and they looked out for me, and...yeah. Fuck," James muttered, frustrated that the tears were coming back.

Kendall wished they were close enough that he could hold James. It was exactly what James needed right now, someone to cry on, but he knew they weren't there yet. He wondered if they ever would be. Then he remembered that a friend was all James would ever be to him, at the very most, and forced that disappointment away to focus on being there for the man who needed him now. "Was it just you?"

"What?"

"That night. You mentioned Logan being there. It was just you she...?"

"Oh. Yeah. Logan passed out. He never drank and we got him to that night and he didn't handle it well. I think we scarred him," James chuckled. "He barely drinks even now."

"So you still keep in touch with Logan?"

"Yeah, he's my best friend. He's busy all the time, works this really intense job for NASA or some shit like that, but we get together when we can. Which is...hardly ever since I'm busy, too. But he's...he keeps me sane."

"That's good," Kendall nodded. "It's good that you have someone like that in your life."

"Obviously if I find out that he knew about this all along, he won't be in my life. If he kept something like this from me, he's dead to me."

"I can imagine. What are the odds of that?"

James thought it over. "Low. They had a different kind of bond between them, were on a higher level of thinking, I guess. Like I said, both fucking geniuses. So I'm sure there were things they shared that I wasn't part of. But there were things Logan and I shared that Shannon wasn't, and things Shannon and I shared that Logan wasn't. Make sense?"

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "You were all friends but in different ways."

"Exactly! But even though that's true, I think if Shannon had gotten pregnant from someone else, she would've come to me about it. Not Logan. Logan would've freaked out. Add in the fact that it was _my_ baby, and I can't imagine her telling him but not me. And I don't think he would've been able to keep that a secret from me. He couldn't face me with that lie. So...I'm betting he never knew. For his sake, that better be the case."

"Does the kid look like you?"

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't seen any pictures."

"Oh. I just assumed Paul would have brought something. Wait, I just realized. If Shannon is sending a lawyer after you, she's obviously ready to bring you back into...what's his name?"

"Who?" James' voice was dead.

"Your son."

"I...didn't even ask."

Kendall blinked a few times. "Oh. Okay."

"And no, she uh...that's not why a lawyer came to see me. It was her parents who sent Paul."

"Her parents? But—"

"She's dead." The words were said with finality and a lack of emotion Kendall wasn't fooled by. "That's why they did it. I'm next in line to inherit the kid, as his father. But they want to make sure that doesn't happen, so they sent Paul here to get me to sign away all my rights."

"Oh, wow. James. James, I'm so sorry. I..." Kendall had no idea what to say.

"It's...I'm not ready to face it yet. I'll get in touch with Logan and we'll find a time to get together and..." For a moment, the tears were back. Within seconds, James sent them away and regained control. "We'll grieve then. Right now I just don't even want to think about this."

"Did you...I mean I didn't see you sign anything, so..."

"He didn't bring the paperwork with him, at least not that part. He said it was a huge decision and he wanted to give me tonight to think it over. I'm sure Shannon's parents didn't agree to _that_ part of the deal."

James' satisfied expression had Kendall asking, "Why did they hate you?"

"Because I was a bad influence on their perfect daughter. I was always getting into stupid shit and they didn't want me around her, but I never took the hint because she kept me from going over to the dark side permanently. Logan did the same thing. Without those two, I'd probably be in jail right now. They made sure to send her to college as far away as possible, knowing I couldn't afford to move way out there. It hurt, because her mom liked me fine when we were little. She was like a mom to me. And then...I don't know. They just never wanted me around. I might _damage_ her or something. Steal her innocence."

Not knowing how it would be taken, Kendall said hesitantly, "Well...you _did_ do that."

The realization hit James suddenly and he laughed. "Okay, you're right. I did. So maybe they weren't so wrong to be afraid of me. But to keep us apart like that? To lie to my fucking face when they knew by then I was the father of that kid?"

"Do you think she told them?"

"I'm positive. She would've been terrified and cried and confessed everything and...dammit, Shannon. Why couldn't you just come to me? Why couldn't you let me help, give me a chance to step up and be the kind of man you deserved?"

Kendall tilted his head to study James, heart squeezing. "Were you in love with her?"

"No," James sighed, reaching for a napkin again. "Not like that. By then I knew it was guys I really wanted, but I mean I did love her. I would've done the right thing."

 _Guys I really wanted._ Thank God James was busy dabbing at his eyes so he couldn't see Kendall's reaction to the news. As it was, he had to refrain from the fist pump that wanted to break free. Instead, he inhaled deeply in an attempt to keep from showing his excitement. "So why did you sleep with her then?"

"She wanted it. Didn't want to go to college a virgin. And she wanted her first to be someone she trusted, who would be gentle with her. She was a little wasted when she asked me, but I could tell she'd been thinking about it for a long time. I don't _hate_ being with women, I still get satisfaction out of it. It's just not...guys are so much more..."

"You don't have to explain it to me," Kendall smiled. "I understand exactly what you mean. And guys _are_ so much more."

The comment hit its mark, James staring back at Kendall with a contemplative gleam in his eye. One corner of his mouth tugged up. "So. Does everyone get smiley faces from you?"

"Only one."

"So all this time I've been terrified to open my mouth and talk to you, we could've been..."

Kendall really needed to know where that sentence might end. "I was terrified, too. You just...you seem like you're on this level so high above me and—"

"Are you shitting me? That's how I feel about you. I bet this place isn't the end of the road for you, is it? You're on the way to something bigger."

"Well, I do love working here. But I'm also in law school."

"Of course you are. Doing good for the world. That's exactly how I always imagined you. Moving on to bigger things."

"One day," Kendall shrugged. "But the road to get there...it's nice to enjoy the journey, you know?"

James licked his lips. "What time are you off tomorrow?"

"Uh." Holy shit. Holy shit it was happening. Carlos was going to flip. "What's tomorrow?"

"Wednesday," James chuckled. "Need some of this to get that brain in gear?" he teased, tipping the latte toward Kendall.

"No way. There's entirely too much sweet in that for me. I just can hardly keep up since I started a new internship and it's thrown my schedule off. That's why I wasn't here yesterday morning."

"So you're saying that instead of missing out on your smile only one morning a week, now it's going to be..."

"Three. Sorry."

"Well. Unless you want Corey to have three bad days a week, I'd suggest getting someone else to make my coffee."

"Carlos will do it right. I'll work with him today to make sure he knows how you like it."

"Carlos. Okay, I'll request him when you're not here."

"Just be nice if it isn't perfect. He'll try his hardest to please you."

James' lips twisted. "I'd rather _you_ be the one to please me."

Kendall's eyes shot open wider.

"Sorry," James smirked, obviously not sorry at all. "Might be a little much before we even get through our first date."

"Is that what this is?"

"No. Tomorrow is our first date. I can squeeze you in between three and eight, just tell me when."

"Oh. I have class tomorrow night. Weekends are best for me."

James nodded slowly. "We'll figure it out."

"I work a short shift Saturday mornings, but after that I'm free until Monday. Maybe we can—oh my god, is that the time?" Kendall had glanced down when his screen lit up, only noting how long he'd been sitting here after reading the text from Carlos that stated, _"Dude Monica's about to bust up your date because she wants to go to lunch."_ "I'm so sorry, I have to get back to work."

"Don't be sorry. Just...be here tomorrow morning."

"You can count on it." Kendall stood and gathered the remains of his lunch, shoving the bag containing one last cookie closer to James. "And...look, I know you've got a huge decision to make regarding your son, so don't let me influence that at all. I'll understand if you change your mind about our date."

"There's no decision," James informed him. "It's already been made. I'm the worst thing that could happen to a kid, and there's no room in my life for one anyway. As much as I hate those assholes, they'll raise him better than I would, so..." James shrugged. "There's no debate."

"James..." Kendall hesitated again; they still weren't close enough that he had a right to give advice of this nature. "I think you're wrong. I think you'd regret walking away from this. Maybe not right away, but years from now when you can't stop wondering about him and wishing you'd taken this second chance to step in and be a father. I admit I don't know you well, but you're not going to be able to forget about him now that you know."

"I have no intention of forgetting about him. But I'm also at least smart enough to know that fatherhood isn't for me. Shannon knew what she was doing when she kept it from me. She knew I'd just fuck it up."

"James..."

"Decision's been made. If he'd had the stuff with him today, it would already be signed and done. That kid's gonna have a great life and the farther I am from him, the better." After shoving his chair back, James picked up the cookie bag and rounded the table to peck a kiss on Kendall's cheek. "But I appreciate that you care. I'll stop in tomorrow on the way to Paul's office and we'll set something up for the weekend."

His cheek burned from the simple touch, Kendall's hand going to the spot as if to question that it had really happened. "Please think about this."

"I have. See you tomorrow."

Kendall watched James toss his empty cup on the way out. After that, he slipped the last cookie free and got rid of the baggie. He glanced back once to wink at Kendall, then held the door for a woman who stepped past him with the hand of a small child secure in hers. James nodded a smile at her thank you, and Kendall didn't miss the way his eyes lingered on the little boy she dragged along. A hint of wistfulness appeared in the hazel storm, and then it was gone and James was moving on with his day.

Kendall sighed. James could say whatever he wanted, but the idea would be running through his head until he signed those papers. And then, Kendall predicted, he'd try to go back to his life as if it hadn't been changed forever.

Kendall wanted to be there to hold him when the regret hit.

* * *

James did stop in the following morning, but it was too busy for them to say much more than hello and share a smile. Kendall wondered if it would be worth risking Gina's wrath to ask for his break during the rush. Before he could make that decision, though, James had returned to the counter to slide a napkin toward him.

After handing over the current order to a waiting customer, Kendall flipped the napkin to see a phone number along with the words "call me" under them. His eyes widened before he sought out James, who was waiting near the front entrance with a smirk as he watched Kendall. There were so many things Kendall wanted to say, perhaps one more plea with James to rethink his decision, but there was no time. He nodded at James and pocketed the napkin, heart somersaulting when James winked and then disappeared into the cold morning.

Once the rush slowed down, Kendall whistled his way over to Carlos, who was doing maintenance on some of the equipment. "I got a number," he said quietly, trying to keep his voice calm.

Carlos' jaw dropped before he slapped Kendall's hand up high. "I knew you could do it! I saw him come in and I was worried you wouldn't have time to set up a date."

"I didn't. But he managed to make it work." Kendall slipped the note out and stared down at it, still shocked it was all happening. "I can't believe he's been wanting to talk to me all this time."

"I told you, dude! Did you guys figure out where to go yet?"

"No, we've hardly had time to discuss the date."

"You talked to him for like thirty minutes yesterday. You're telling me that never came up?"

"No, I mean...it did, but...we spent most of it talking about something else. I..." Kendall glanced around to see the lobby occupied by three separate customers who looked as if they'd be settled in for awhile, and only one in line ordering. "Let me do this order, and then we'll take our breaks together. _If_ Gina lets us."

"I'll tell her we need to talk about your boyfriend," Carlos teased. "She's rooting for you, so..."

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"Yet." Carlos used his body to shove Kendall lightly. "Go fix that drink. Meet you in the breakroom in a few minutes."

Carlos had muffins and two bottles of orange juice waiting once Kendall arrived. "Figured you could use a treat."

"You spoil me," Kendall smiled. "I was running late this morning and skipped breakfast."

"I figured, since you were late and you're _never_ late. What's holding you back?"

"What?" Kendall broke off a piece of blueberry muffin after settling in.

"With James. I could tell there was something about him that bothers you."

"I wouldn't say it bothers me. I think it's going to bother him in the future, though, and I wish there was a way I could get through to him. That guy he met with yesterday?" Carlos nodded. "Turns out it was a lawyer coming to tell him he has a kid who was suddenly orphaned. James had no idea he was a father."

Carlos' face drained of color. "Oh shiiiiiiiit. So now you're thinking it's gonna get complicated, dating a guy with a kid."

"No, because he's signing away all his rights to the kid. James doesn't want anything to do with him."

"What? What the hell? The kid has no one and James is going to just turn him over to the state?"

"No, the kid has grandparents who want to raise him. They're the ones who want James to give up his rights. And James feels like that would be best for the kid, since he knows nothing about how to be a father and didn't even know about the kid until yesterday."

"Oh, man. That's gotta be a hard decision to make. I'm glad you were there to talk to him about it."

"What I said didn't make any difference, though. He's going to regret this, I know he is, and I'm not really in a position to give advice because I barely even know him. He gave it no thought at all, just decided right away that the kid would better off without him."

"Well...I hate to say it, Kendall, but what if he's right? You don't know him. He knows what his life is like, he knows his limitations. Maybe he's smart enough to realize he can't provide for that kid."

"It's not that. We don't know him but we know he's got money. He talks like he thinks he'd screw the kid up, like he's not good enough or something. And that makes me sad, that he thinks so poorly of himself."

Carlos nodded slowly, speaking through his next bite of muffin. "How about you get to know him on your date and then decide if he's right? You'll know more about him by then."

"Because it'll be too late then. He's on his way to sign those papers right now."

"Right now? They only gave him one day to decide?"

"The grandparents didn't even want to give him that. They apparently hate him."

"Damn. Wait, you have a number, right? Can you call him?"

"I don't know what I'd say. I feel like it's just gonna piss him off if I pressure him into something he doesn't want. Except...I don't know. I feel like he does want it, if for no other reason than because it's a link to Shannon."

"The mom?"

"Yeah. They were best friends and he misses her. I think part of him wants to prove he's good enough to do this. I just don't want him to spend the rest of his life regretting it, you know?"

"Text him. Even if it's just to say hey, are you sure about this? Maybe he's having doubts right now and a text from you will be enough to stop him from making that mistake."

"I don't know," Kendall sighed. "I just don't think it's my place."

"Dude, what is wrong with you? Since when are you afraid to make a move?"

Rather than acknowledge the question, Kendall focused on opening his bottle of orange juice.

"Kendall. I've never known you to not go after what you want. What is it about this guy that makes you so nervous?"

"I don't know, okay? Maybe it's because I spent almost two years thinking I'd never have a chance with him and suddenly I do and I don't want to fuck that up."

"So you're just gonna keep your mouth shut around him? Not say what you're thinking because you're scared to push him away? Dude, come on, this isn't you. You're not going to be happy if you aren't yourself and don't speak your mind."

"He's going through enough, he doesn't need some guy who's practically a stranger telling him how to live his life. Especially when I know nothing about that life."

"But you will. You'll be part of that life soon enough."

"Not if I piss him off before I even get that chance."

"So you're okay with that kid not knowing his dad? You're already worried James will regret it. Imagine how the kid will feel thinking he doesn't have a dad. Or worse, that he has one who didn't want him."

Kendall closed his eyes, angry at Carlos for making sense; that was usually _his_ job. But if anyone knew what it was like to have a father who didn't want him, it was Kendall.

"Don't make that kid go through that, Kendall."

"It's not my decision!"

"You have a say in it. Call him."

"I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?"

Carlos smiled. When Kendall started cussing him out and yelling at him, that meant Kendall was almost there. "Would you like me to give you privacy?"

"Shut up. I'm just gonna text him."

"Okay." Happy now, Carlos grabbed for a second muffin and hummed a cheerful little tune under his breath.

Kendall entered the new number into his phone under the name "James Diamond" before opening a text message. "I don't know what to say."

"Then say that."

It might already be too late; Kendall had no idea how far away Paul's office was. Still, he knew Carlos was right. He had to try.

" _Hey it's Kendall. Just so you have my number. And I know it isn't my place to say anything and I hope this doesn't make you mad, but please reconsider your decision about your son. I think you could be a great dad. Give yourself a chance. Don't let him grow up thinking his dad didn't want him."_

He considered deleting that last sentence, as it felt like a guilt trip, but in the end Kendall sent the message. If it was going to piss James off, so be it. He just hoped it wouldn't be enough to keep James away.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Well, I didn't get as much writing done today as I wanted to but I did get mentally back on track with the story, and I got enough done that I feel comfortable posting another chapter. So here you go! I'm so happy you guys seem to be enjoying it! :D

* * *

There was no answer from James. Carlos asked every half hour or so, and Kendall checked his phone about every ten minutes, but when 2:45 rolled around and the text still hadn't received a reply, Kendall began to accept that he'd been correct in his fear that pressuring James would backfire.

"Anything?" Carlos asked yet again, and Kendall shook his head.

Maybe it was for the best. He really _didn't_ have time for a boyfriend in his life.

"Want to get dinner tonight?"

Kendall considered it, knowing he'd probably be unable to focus and would need someone to talk to. Carlos met up with him occasionally in between his evening classes for a quick bite. "I don't know. I'll text you."

"Okay. Just don't sit around and mope all night. Call me if you need to, okay?"

"Yeah," Kendall sighed. He was grateful to have someone like Carlos, who worried about him even though most assumed (rightfully so) that Kendall could take care of himself. Kendall would make it through this; it was just easier to go through the rough patches when there was a friend at his side. "I will."

"Want to spend your last fifteen minutes restocking the inventory? That way you don't have to deal with people."

There weren't a whole lot of people to deal with anyway. The after-school crowd was on its way, but they usually showed up just as Kendall was clocking out. "Actually, since it's slow why don't I show you how to make James' latte the way he likes it? I promised I would." Kendall wasn't going to think about the fact that James might never come back.

"Really? You guys talked about me?"

"Yep. I told him to request you when I'm not here."

"Now I'm scared. If I mess it up, he'll—"

"He said he'd be nice to you," Kendall smiled. "Come on over here. The most important thing is the cinnamon. He likes two sprinkles, but not hard shakes. Not too light, either, because he wants to taste the cinnamon. It's more like—"

"You're still here. Thank God."

Kendall's head shot up, Carlos' a mere second behind, and both gaped at the sight of James just inside the door. He was dressed in the same style of pants as yesterday, this pair gray, with a sweater topping them that was a darker gray splashed with teal here and there. The coat was nowhere to be found, but the gloves...

James was quickly peeling them off so he could stuff them into a pocket. "I wasn't sure what time you got off."

"I...did you get my text?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I definitely got your text. Do you get some kind of break soon?"

"I'm off in fifteen minutes. I was just about to show Carlos how to make your latte, if you want to wait?"

"Sure. Yeah. That's...right here." James vaguely waved toward the same table he'd taken the day before. He started to move, then halted. "Wait, I have to pay for it."

Seeing that James was agitated and barely holding on, Kendall replied, "It's on me. I got this, James. Sit, I'll be over soon."

Carlos waited until James was seated to whisper, "He's freaking out."

"I know. Something went wrong. Or maybe he's mad about what I said. Look, I'll show you this another time. Let me handle it so I can get over there."

"No prob. Clock out early, Gina's already gone and Monica won't care since Corey's coming in soon."

Kendall nodded. He quickly made the drink, along with one for himself, and clocked out before paying for those along with a sandwich to tide him over until dinner. Suddenly wondering if James had been at the law office all this time, he called out, "Have you eaten today?"

"What?"

"Food. Are you hungry?"

"Kendall, you don't have to buy me lunch."

"That's a yes." He added another sandwich, hoping James was okay with turkey, and then took everything over to the table. "I can switch the sandwich if you're not a fan of turkey."

"It's fine. I'm not even hungry, I just...I haven't eaten today and I can't..."

"Hey," Kendall said softly, sliding his hand across the table to cover James'. "It's okay. Whatever happened today...it's gonna be okay."

"No. No, it's not, because I think I just made the biggest mistake of my entire life and I'm freaking out and I feel like...like..."

Kendall pushed the latte closer, James grabbing at it like a life preserver. Even in his current agitated state, he enjoyed that first sip as if experiencing absolute bliss. "I don't know how you do it. Or...did Carlos make this one?"

"No, that's all me," Kendall grinned, proud. "I'm just that good."

The flirty tone worked its magic, James able to laugh softly and then let out a long breath. "You really don't have to keep buying stuff for me. But since you have been, I insist that our first meal together will be my treat."

Kendall's breath caught. "So I didn't chase you away with that text? I was afraid you'd think I was pressuring you, and I don't really have the right to do that."

James shook his head slowly. "That text...honestly, I _am_ a little mad at you for it. You had to send that to me just then, couldn't wait two minutes or even thirty seconds, could you? It had to be right then."

There was a lot Kendall wanted to say, a million questions he wanted to ask. He unwrapped his sandwich while trying to figure out how to go about it. "So whatever happened is my fault?"

"No," James sighed. "It's mine. I just...I think I made a mistake."

"I'm sorry. As sure as you were about not wanting to raise him, there will always be that part of you that wonders."

"That's actually not the problem, Kendall."

"No?"

"No. The problem is that I'm picking him up from his grandparents' house tomorrow morning and I don't know the first thing about being a father. I'm fucking terrified."

Kendall froze with the sandwich halfway to his mouth. "You didn't do it? You're taking him in?"

"He's coming to live with me. I'm...I'm insane. What was I thinking?"

A soft smile curved up Kendall's lips. "That's what I want to know. Why don't you open that sandwich and you can tell me all about it while we eat?"

* * *

 _James breezes through the door and into the law office after making sure Paul's name is the one on the plaque outside. The lobby is small but cozy, and when a door behind the reception desk opens he hears the sound of much activity, as if everyone behind it is rushing around in a desperate effort to...well, he has no idea what they do back there. Law has never been of interest to him._

 _It obviously is to Kendall, though, and James thinks now that he should've foreseen that. All of the nights he laid awake (sometimes alone, sometimes not) wondering about the man and what his life outside the coffeehouse consists of, a profession in law never occurred to him. It fits, because in James' imagination Kendall was always somewhat heroic._

 _Now he shakes the thought away, Kendall not what needs to be on his mind at the moment. He's here for a reason, to set a little boy (_ your son _, his mind whispers) on the path to a good life. He can at least do that much for Shannon, even though he's never felt more betrayed by someone; before she cut him out of her life, she was the best friend he could ask for and he owes her this._

 _The receptionist smiles up at him politely. James very quietly states his name, mindful of the other occupant waiting in the chair to his right, and adds that he has an appointment with Paul. He's told that he's expected and if he'd like to have a seat, Paul will be with him shortly._

 _Perfect. The sooner he gets this over and done, the sooner he can move on with a clear conscience._

 _James nods and turns to the right, gaze taking in that the person he'd caught in his peripheral vision is actually a child. A_ small _child. He doesn't think much of it, at least until the little boy looks up from the open book in his lap, and James finds himself staring into his own eyes._

 _The boy's hair is blond, a color just a few shades lighter than Kendall's. James suddenly remembers when his own hair was that color, and styled in a similar cut. Outside of the fact that his hair is now a medium brown and he has his bangs swept back, the current style isn't much different. The boy is wearing a coat that looks too big on him and dark blue jeans, his legs dangling from the chair to swing back and forth under it. When he realizes he's being watched, the fidgeting stops and the boy stares up nervously._

 _And in that moment, James feels something move in his heart. It's heavy and it shifts as if resisting the force trying to make it move, but it moves nonetheless. James swallows hard, unable to look away, chest tightening so that it's difficult to breathe._

 _The door opens again and the noise rushes at him, waking him from his trance enough to look over. Shannon's father slips through it and back into the lobby, eyes searching for the boy and smiling at him._

 _James does what instinct tells him to do—he runs._

* * *

"Where did you go?" Kendall asked, his sandwich now mostly gone and his coffee tepid.

"To the bathroom," James sighed, hiding his face behind his hands. "I just panicked. I remembered seeing one when I got off the elevator so I ran for that and tried to just...breathe. I mean, there was no question, not after seeing Shannon's dad."

"But you already knew," Kendall guessed.

"I think...yeah. I knew."

"So what happened then?"

"I stayed in the bathroom trying to calm down. I think it was a panic attack, have you ever had one of those?"

"I used to as a kid," Kendall nodded. "When my dad left."

"So you know. You're shaky, weak, feel like your chest is gonna explode."

"And like you want to run."

"Exactly. That's what I wanted. I wanted to just run and pretend I'd never even stepped into that office."

"What did you do?"

"Washed my face, paced around a little, finally got at least enough control over myself to realize I had to go back in there. I peed, because of course the nerves made me have to do that, and I was standing at the sink after and...he came in."

Kendall smiled over the rim of the cup he'd lifted to his lips. "Your son?"

"Yeah. And it's still so weird to think of him like that, to hear someone call him my son."

"What happened after that?"

* * *

 _James doesn't look over when the restroom door opens; he's got too much on his mind to care about who else might be entering. But then he hears a familiar voice, one he heard many times during his childhood and teenage years when he'd hang out at Shannon's._

" _Slow down, Noah!"_

 _The sound of small feet running over the tiles echoes in the space, followed by, "I gotta pee, Grandpa!"_

" _I know, but make sure the stall is empty first. That one looks good. Do you need any help?"_

" _No!"_

" _Okay, I'll be in the next one over if you do."_

 _James stands frozen at the sink, having watched his son fly into a stall and slam the door before the lock was slid into place. The tremors are back, and so is the need to run. Now is the time to go sign those papers, right this second before..._

Noah. His name is Noah.

 _Before Noah comes out, or worse—Shannon's father does._

 _But first he has to wash his hands, so James does that as quickly as he can. A toilet flushes and a lock is disengaged, and James is so close. He just has to dry his hands and he can run._

" _Wait in here for me, Noah!"_

" _Kay!"_

 _James can't help but watch the boy approach the sink, unable to get over how much Noah looks like he did at that age. Staring harder he can see Shannon's chin, her ears, and even her hands as they stretch up toward the sink, which is too high for Noah to reach. There's no mistaking that nose, those lips, or those eyes, though—definitely Diamond traits._

" _Need a little help there, buddy?" James asks before he even realizes he's opened his mouth._

" _Can't reach."_

" _I see that. Here, let me give you a boost."_

" _Noah, who are you talking to?" comes from the closed stall._

 _Noah's eyes widen in panic and he whispers, "Not supposed to talk to strangers."_

" _Right. Well..." James gets down on one knee and whispers back, "I won't tell if you won't."_

" _Shhh."_

 _A delighted giggle erupts from James, who stands before bending down enough to lift Noah up by the hips and lean him toward the sink. Noah wets his hands under the automatic faucet. "Don't forget soap," James reminds him, and he dutifully squeezes some out._

" _Noah?!"_

" _He's fine," James promises. "Just washing his hands." To Noah, he says, "That's right, get it around there good to get rid of all the yucky germs. Bathrooms are the worst for that stuff."_

" _Did you know that your mouth has the most germs of all?"_

" _I...did not. Sounds like you know where my mouth has been."_

 _A toilet flushes at the same time the stall door bangs open, and James can feel that the man is nervous about a stranger holding his grandson. "Almost done," he says for the man's benefit._

 _Once the soap is rinsed away, James sets down Noah so he can run to the paper towel dispenser. That much he can reach on his own. Bracing himself for a tongue lashing, James meets cold blue eyes in the mirror. "He couldn't reach."_

 _A slight nod is his response. "Thanks."_

 _He realizes then that the man has no idea who he is due to the fact that his appearance has changed so much since the last time they saw each other. James' hair was longer then, his face devoid of scruff and instead scattered with pimples that never seemed to go away back then. "Cute kid," he comments, curious to see if Shannon's father will recognize him._

" _Thanks," is again the reply before the man reaches down for Noah's hand. "Come on, your grandma's waiting for us in the office."_

Grandma. _Oh, how James had come to loathe that woman over the years. He has no doubt it was she who convinced Shannon to cut all ties; she'd hated him more than "grandpa" ever had, but since Shannon's mother wore the pants in that family..._

" _Bye!"_

 _James' gaze moves to the source of the voice. Noah is looking back and waving at him with a bright smile. "Thank you!"_

 _That thing shifts in James' heart again. "You're welcome, Noah. You take care of yourself, okay?"_

 _The door ushers Noah out of his life and suddenly a great chasm opens up in James' chest, literally bringing him to his knees with a grief so intense it makes him feel ill. How can he turn his back on this little boy who needs a father?_

" _You're not what he needs," he whispers to himself. "You can't even handle taking care of a dog. It's for the best. This is for the best. He's better off without you."_

 _It's true, James_ knows _it's true, and yet..._

 _Something about holding the boy, even as brief as the moment had been, felt right. It felt good. It felt_ whole. _A paternal instinct James has never known he possesses comes to life, crying out to hold the boy again, this time so tight he never lets go._

" _Fuck. Fuck you, universe. I do not need this right now. I don't need this ever. I'm going in to sign those papers and I will remember that they can give him what I can't. They can give him a good life."_

 _James stands slowly, shaking off the momentary madness that had him tempted for two seconds to refuse and instead take the boy home with him. He's insane to even consider it._

 _As he's about to open the restroom door, he feels a vibration against his thigh. It could be any of the hundreds of people that rotate through James' life, but somehow he knows it isn't any of them; somehow he knows exactly who it is._

Good. This is good, it's a reminder that once I wash my hands of this, I still have Kendall to look forward to. I've been wanting him for almost two years and I'm not fucking this up.

 _A cute little message from Kendall is just what he needs right now. He smiles as he opens the text, and sure enough, it's the man of his dreams._

"Hey it's Kendall. Just so you have my number. And I know it isn't my place to say anything and I hope this doesn't make you mad, but please reconsider your decision about your son. I think you could be a great dad. Give yourself a chance. Don't let him grow up thinking his dad didn't want him."

 _James blinks down at the words on the screen. It's the last sentence that slices into his gut._

"Don't let him grow up thinking his dad didn't want him."

 _James knows what that feels like. James' own father hadn't wanted him, and how many nights had James laid in bed wondering about his dad and what life might've been like had the man wanted him? How many times had James asked himself what was so wrong with him that his dad didn't even want to know him?_

" _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck you, too, Kendall!" James yells at the phone, as if somehow it might convey his feelings to Kendall. "You had to fucking go there, didn't you? Oh, you are so not getting sex on our first date!"_

 _James shoves the phone into his pocket and then slams the restroom door open, on a mission and not about to let anyone stop him—not even the woman who once told the mother of his child that he was worthless and would probably die in a gutter somewhere._

* * *

Kendall's first words after all of that were, "So...I'm really not getting sex?"

James' lips twisted into a smirk. "Nope."

"Well, good thing I never sleep with someone on the first date then, isn't it?"

James' face fell. "Really?" he pouted.

"It's my rule. Still mad at me for that text?"

"Ask me again in a week."

Kendall chuckled, though he knew it really wasn't a laughing matter. James had taken on a responsibility that would change his life forever. "So...Noah?"

"Noah," James nodded. "I wish I'd taken a picture. He's so cute."

"What happened when you went back in there?"

"She didn't recognize me either. The receptionist told me Paul was waiting, I winked at Noah in passing, and I marched into that office and told Paul that I didn't care what he or anyone else said, that kid is mine and I'm taking him home with me. Which...God, that was the stupidest thing to say, my apartment is so not kid-friendly."

"I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Oh, it is. But I'm gonna change all that."

"Want another latte?"

"No. What I could really use is a stiff drink."

"Sorry, we're all out of that right now," Kendall teased. "But we do have some brownies that are almost as good as mine."

"That sounds awesome. I think I'll wait for Logan, though."

Kendall sat up straighter. "Logan?"

"Yeah, I told you about him, right?"

"Yeah, I just...are you having dinner with him?" And why was Kendall already feeling a touch of jealousy? They were barely even dating.

"He's meeting me here in...shit, what time is it?" After looking at his phone, James continued, "About fifteen minutes. I'm hoping he'll have time tonight to help me get my apartment ready for Noah. There's so much to do."

"Oh. So he knows about...everything?"

"He knows I have a son. I was right, he had no idea Shannon had a kid. He was as shocked as I was. But I called him on the way here and told him I really need him, so he's coming down."

Kendall nodded. "I'm glad. You need a friend in a time like this."

"He's great."

"What did Paul say when you gave him that speech about keeping Noah?"

"He was actually cool about it. Said he'd hoped I would feel that way. He never actually came out and admitted it, but I could tell he doesn't like Shannon's mom any more than I do. The woman's a bitch."

"I imagine she was pissed?"

"Raging. I had to hang around after to sign a bunch of paperwork and get all this shit taken care of so Paul's office can file with the court or whatever, and I could hear her yelling from the lobby. They came out and she was dragging Noah along so fast I almost stepped in. He could hardly keep up, he was about to fall. But she looked at me and screamed that I'd take him away over her dead body, and 'this isn't over!' All that cliché shit you see in movies, that was her. What really pissed me off is that I tried to talk to Noah before they left and she wouldn't stop. He looked back at me once and he seemed terrified. I wanted to go after them and take that kid away right then."

"She is going to hand him over tomorrow, right?"

"She has no choice. Paul said if I wanted, I could have a cop go along with me to make sure there aren't any problems tomorrow. I'm not really worried about it, though. He's my kid and I have the right, so she can kiss my ass."

Kendall had learned enough about situations like this to know the woman could make things very difficult for James should she choose to, but he thought James had enough to worry about at the moment so he kept his mouth shut on that. "Look, for what it's worth...I know how scared you are. I know this is a huge adjustment and that your entire life is going to change. But I'm proud of you. I'm really proud of you for stepping up like you always wanted to and I believe what I said earlier. I think you're gonna make a great dad."

"You don't even know me," James pointed out. "You can't really say that."

"Well...Logan knows you. What does he say?"

"I haven't told him yet. He just knows I need him. But I'm sure he'll tell me I'm crazy to even consider this."

"Really? Your best friend would tell you that?"

"He knows me better than anyone else."

"Then why don't we wait to see what he says before assuming it'll be the worst?"

James tilted his head to study Kendall, a smile touching his lips. "You know...I think you're gonna be good for me. You're kind of that...it's gonna sound cheesy but you light up my life a little bit. I don't believe much in myself."

"We'll work on that."

The smile widened, Kendall meeting it with his own until James' attention was caught by something outside the window. "Oh, look who's early. Just like he's been his whole life."

Kendall shifted in the chair so that he could follow James' gaze to a clean-cut young man holding the door open for a group of kids that were just leaving. "Is that Logan?"

"Yep. Hey, are you leaving right away?"

"I'll have to leave in a bit for class, but I can stay a little while if you need me."

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not. I'll just go study in the breakroom for the next half hour. Text me if you need me?"

Logan approached the table slowly as Kendall stood, obviously not wanting to intrude.

"Logan, this is Kendall."

"Ah. I've heard a lot about you."

Kendall shook the hand Logan was holding out, surprised into asking, "You have?"

"Yeah. It's nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Finally?" Kendall echoed, raising a brow at James. "Just how long has he been talking about me?"

"Well, it started with 'this hot guy who made me the perfect latte' and eventually graduated to what it is now."

"Which is?" Kendall wanted to know.

"Logan, don't say it," James warned.

With a grin, Logan stated, "The man of my dreams."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," James muttered.

Kendall beamed, leaning around the table to kiss James' cheek. "I'll be in the breakroom."

"I'm gonna go order coffee," Logan laughed. "James, you need anything?"

"Yeah, get me a brownie. Thanks." Once Logan moved away, James reached out a hand to stop Kendall from leaving with their empty packages and cups. "Hey. Thanks. For believing in me. I really don't know how I'm gonna do this, but...because of you, I at least believe I can."

"I _know_ you can. You got this, Dad."

The term shocked James so that he blinked and physically jolted. "Oh my god. He's gonna call me Daddy."

"Crazy, right?"

"Fucking insane. Oh, and I'll need to work on my potty mouth."

"Definitely," Kendall chuckled. "But I'm not worried. You'll figure it out."

"If I don't, I'm blaming you."

Kendall only smiled before picking up their trash and heading toward the counter.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N—Reminder that I don't own the main characters in this story and that all credit for them goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

So because I managed to write two chapters today, you get one posted! I think that's my new system—when I write a chapter, you get a chapter. That way I'll always have plenty still stored up. So I will probably be posting once or twice a week, depending on how the writing goes on my days off. Thanks for reading and I hope you like this! Noah will eventually make an appearance. :)

* * *

As usual, Kendall got as far as opening his textbook before Carlos shoved the breakroom door open and leaned in.

"Kendall!"

Rooting for a pen, Kendall didn't look up but managed a distracted "Hmm?"

"Kendall!"

It was hissed louder this time, Kendall finally giving Carlos his attention. "We'll talk about it later, we can get dinner. I have a lot to tell you."

"Shut up, this isn't about you! I just fell in love with the most gorgeous brown eyes."

"Ohhhhhh. He's cute?"

"It's his eyes, dude. Come see before he takes off!"

Wondering why he bothered trying to study when Carlos was in the building, Kendall humored him and pushed back the chair.

"Hurry, I've never seen him before so he's probably not coming back ever!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Let's not be obvious about this." He nudged Carlos toward the counter they used to prepare drinks. "You're showing me something that isn't working so we can fix it. Got it?"

"Right, okay, whatever!" Carlos hissed. His gaze roamed the small crowd gathered around waiting for orders, mostly made up of students. "He's gone. Oh my god, that's impossible, there's no way his order is already done! Dammit, I'll never see him again. He was so beautiful!"

"I'm sorry, dude. Maybe he just ran to the bathroom."

"Maybe," Carlos sighed, then scooted closer to Corey. "Did you already do an order for Logan?"

"Logan?" Corey echoed. He glanced down at the waiting tickets and pointed to one. "Nope, right here. Do I need to rush it?"

"He's still here! Kendall, look!"

"Did you say Logan?" Kendall smirked.

"Yeah. Do you know him? Does he come in when I'm not here?"

Without answering, Kendall moved to an area where he could see James' table. Sure enough, their heads were bent together as Logan talked. Kendall reached around Corey to drag Carlos closer and nodded toward them. "Is that your beauty?"

Carlos gasped. "Oh my god! He knows James!"

"He knows me now, too. Want to meet him? Officially?"

Carlos' eyes screamed a loud and resounding yes.

"Come on," Kendall chuckled. "But we can't stay, they have a lot to talk about."

Kendall found it adorable that Carlos was smoothing down his hair as they approached, as if the black strands were long enough to be mussed in any serious way. "He's a genius," he whispered. "Works for NASA."

"Ohhhhh you know smart guys are my weakness!"

"Shh."

James felt him immediately, looking up with a smile. Logan glanced up but then quickly averted his gaze. "Hey, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted you to meet Carlos so you'll know who to look for when I'm not here."

"Oh," James grinned, leaning back to study Carlos. "So you're going to make my latte as well as Kendall, are you?"

"Well...I'm gonna _try."_ Normally not one to be shy, Carlos was intimidated by James enough that he blushed. Add in the fact that he was enamored of Logan, and he could barely raise his eyes from the table.

"He'll be fine," Kendall promised. "Oh, this is Logan. Sorry, didn't mean to be rude."

"You weren't," Logan assured him, his own face now on fire. "We met over at the counter there, so..."

Kendall glanced over at James, wondering if he was picking up any of these vibes. Hazel eyes studied Logan in amusement before dancing up at Kendall. "Logan's probably going to be visiting me more often now, so you'll be seeing him again."

"Cool. We won't keep you, I know you have a lot to discuss."

"Logan!"

They all turned when Corey called out the name. "I'll get it for you," Carlos offered, rushing away.

Kendall smirked at James, who grinned again. "Don't leave without saying goodbye."

"I won't. Logan, again it's nice to meet you."

"Uh, you too."

A black coffee was set down in front of him, Carlos stepping back. "Let me know if you need anything else."

"I...sure. Thanks."

Not wanting to end the moment, Carlos blurted, "So I hear you work for NASA. That must be cool."

Logan rolled his eyes to James in annoyance. "I do not work for NASA, how many times do I have to tell you that?!"

"Well, it's something like that."

"It's the Department of Energy."

"Same thing."

"Two totally different things!" Logan argued.

James shrugged, unbothered.

After clearing his throat, Logan said to Carlos, "I'm sorry you were misinformed. It's not NASA."

"Still, sounds cool." Carlos didn't know what else to say but obviously wished there was something.

"We'll leave you two be," Kendall smiled, gently pulling Carlos away.

They were alone in the breakroom before Carlos breathed again. "Oh my god. Oh my god, did you see his _eyes_?! Kendall, he's going to be the death of me."

"Maybe if he looks at you. He seems shy. And since when are _you_?"

"Since I met a guy like that! Department of Energy?! I bet he knows all those big words I hear on 'Jeopardy' but he actually knows what they mean! Did James really say he'd be stopping in more?"

"Well, we'll see. James is going to need help with Noah, so I'm sure that's what we was talking about."

"Noah? Is that the kid?"

"Yep. James is taking him in."

Carlos' jaw dropped. "You did it! You got through to him!"

"It wasn't just me, it was also seeing his son in person. He couldn't walk away after that."

"Still, I'm sure you helped! Tell me everything!"

"Carlos!" They both looked over to see Monica leaning in. "We need you out here."

"Okay, I'll be right out!" He waited until she was gone to roll his eyes. "She's so annoying."

"But she's right, so get out there. We can talk over dinner."

"Okay, okay. Ooo, from the register I can see Logan! I mean just his back, but still."

"Go on," Kendall laughed.

The quiet that settled once Carlos disappeared was welcoming. _Now_ maybe he could study.

Or not. Three minutes later he realized he'd been reading the same paragraph over and over because he wasn't retaining anything; his mind kept floating to James and everything that had happened today. Had it all really happened?

Needing to see the proof of it, Kendall whipped out his phone to look at the text he'd sent James earlier. Before he could get there, though, he noted a new incoming one from the man himself.

" _That was totally because Carlos wanted to meet Logan, wasn't it?"_

Kendall snickered. Of course James had seen through him. He replied back. _"Yep. He came in here with hearts in his eyes to tell me about the beautiful guy he'd just helped."_

" _Logan said he was flirty."_

" _Did it bother Logan?"_

" _Logan doesn't do well with that sort of thing, so I think it just embarrassed him. I got him to admit that Carlos is cute, though. But Logan isn't interested in dating at all, so let Carlos know it's not him."_

" _Got it. Did you tell him everything yet?"_

" _Just about to. Also this brownie is incredible."_

" _Mine are better."_

" _I can't wait to find out. ;)"_

With a happy sigh, Kendall closed his book. He wasn't going to get any studying done today, not with the way his brain was acting. _"I'll bring you some on our date."_

" _I cook, you know."_

" _Oh? You mean more than just in the bedroom?"_

A winky face was followed with, _"I do. Maybe we can eat in."_

" _Aren't you supposed to be talking things over with Logan?"_

" _He went to the bathroom. He gets nervous when people flirt with him, so that's his escape."_

" _That's kind of cute."_

" _He's adorable. And here now, so I'll see you when you come out to say goodbye."_

" _Okay. It's gonna be fine."_

" _It amazes me that you know I'm terrified right now."_

" _Logan will help you. And if he doesn't, I'm here."_

" _Thanks. That helps."_

Kendall sent James a heart, smiling when he got one back.

This day was just getting better and better.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Carlos poked his head into the breakroom. "He's asking for you."

Not having to wonder who Carlos was referring to, Kendall packed up his belongings with a nod. "Thanks. They're leaving?"

"Logan already left. James is waiting for you, I think."

That brought a smile to Kendall's face. "Be right out."

James was hovering near the table he and Logan had been occupying, arms crossed over his chest. Kendall noted that the gloves were firmly in place and bit his lip. Why did the damn things turn him on so much?

"Hey," James greeted him. "Just wanted to say goodbye. I gotta get going, I have so much to do and I don't know where to start and I'm really thinking this whole thing was a mistake and—"

"Hey," Kendall soothed, giving in to the urge to rub a hand up and down James' arm. "I know it's scary, but you got this. Logan will be right there with you to—"

"He had to go. He's busy, I knew that, but I thought maybe he could take just one night off. He can't, though, not tonight, so I'm on my own and I have less than twenty-four hours to make my place a home for a child and I don't even know any kids, what the fuck was I thinking? How did I think I could do this? I'm still that same fuck-up I was five years ago, nothing has changed and Shannon was right and—"

Not questioning the instinct, Kendall leaned in to kiss James. It was just a chaste meeting of lips but firm enough that it broke through the panic. He pulled away to see James staring back in wonder. "I'll help you."

James swallowed hard, attempting to think rationally. "You have school, don't you?"

"I...can miss a few classes. I never do, so it's just one night."

"No, Kendall, I never meant to impose, this is your dream and I'm not going to—"

"It's not up to you. I kind of feel like it's partly my fault anyway, since I helped change your mind about Noah. Let me do this. I don't know a lot about kids either, but...we'll figure it out, right?" When there was no answer, just more of that wondrous awe staring back, Kendall pressed a softer kiss to warm lips and smiled. "I think IKEA is a good place to start."

James blinked a few times. "You're gonna get the most amazing blowjob I've ever given. Repeatedly. Throughout the night."

"I look forward to it," Kendall winked. He linked their fingers and tugged to get James moving toward the door. "Just not on the first date," he smirked, and James' quiet laugh told him they'd get through this.

Somehow.

* * *

James was surprised to hear that Kendall didn't have a car. "How do you get anywhere?" he wondered as he opened the passenger door to his own sleek sedan.

Kendall set his backpack in the footwell, then eased himself inside. "Bus. Train. Sometimes bike. Depends where I'm going." He waited until James joined him in the car to continue. "It's so easy to get around this city. I decided I'd rather spend the money on books and school. And food," Kendall joked.

Perhaps thinking of the simple lunch Kendall had consumed, James asked, "You're not like...starving or anything, are you?"

"No, not at all. I work enough hours that I manage."

"With the way you make coffee, you could probably live on tips alone."

Kendall smiled at the compliment. "Maybe if I didn't have to split them with co-workers."

"Which is a travesty of justice." James pulled out into traffic, then realized he had no idea where he was going. "Where the hell is IKEA?"

"Make a right up here and go south on the highway. Just a few exits down. Where do you normally buy furniture and household items?"

"Online. I find better deals and more interesting décor there anyway. Do you live alone?"

"Yeah. Mom and sister are about a half hour away. You?"

"Totally alone. I mean, Logan isn't too far away but...you know."

"Busy," Kendall nodded.

"Always. And so am I, so it's fine."

Kendall pursed his lips, wondering if he could be blunt with James or if he should tiptoe around subjects that agitated him. "How will that work with Noah?" he tried.

"I have no idea," James admitted. "I'm taking two weeks off work to get him settled in and like...will he have to be enrolled in school? I just don't even have a clue how all that works."

"Yeah, but you can figure that out. We'll research it tonight."

"We won't have time tonight, there's just so much to do. I can't even set up his room until I clear it out. I know some guys I could call to help us, but...I don't...it doesn't feel..."

Sensing that James was starting to be overwhelmed again, Kendall reached for his hand. "It's fine. We'll handle it."

"It might take us all night."

"Then it takes us all night."

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Not until the evening. Tomorrow's my internship day."

"Oh. So basically yes, you have to work."

Kendall shrugged. "It's mostly research I do. Sometimes just answer phones. I'm not worried about it."

James exited the highway when Kendall pointed him toward an off-ramp. "You know...I don't think I've said it yet, so...thank you. I'm trying not to think too hard about this because if I do I'll lose my shit, but having you here helps. A lot."

"Then I'm glad Corey messed up your order Monday."

"What?" James laughed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"If he hadn't, you wouldn't have been so angry, and I wouldn't have been so desperate to keep you as a customer that I forgot the smiley face. And then that whole conversation wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have thought you were into me, and we wouldn't be talking right now."

James nodded slowly, thinking that over. "And I wouldn't be bringing my son into my home."

Kendall wasn't sure if James considered that a good or bad thing, so his reply was a mere, "Yep." As James gave no indication either way, Kendall left it at that and directed James to the massive home furnishings store. "You ever been in one of these?"

"I haven't, actually."

"You're in for a treat. Just try not to spend your entire life savings by the time we reach the end."

"The end? What is it, some kind of maze?"

"That's not too far off," Kendall laughed. "Come on."

* * *

Ten minutes into their trek through the monster superstore, Kendall found it a good idea to hold James' hand—not for his own safety, but to keep James focused on their objective. He'd scoffed at first when Kendall grabbed a notepad and pencil upon entering, but soon enough he was the one reaching for it every three minutes. It seemed James wanted to buy _everything._

"Remember why we're here," Kendall cautioned him. "This is all for Noah. We haven't even hit the children's section yet."

"You're right. You're right, you're right, I'm getting carried away. But did you see that lamp? I need that in my bedroom, Kendall! I _need_ it!"

In the end James allowed Kendall to cross everything off the list except the lamp and a painting he'd spied hanging above one of the model beds. It was done in deep reds and grays, which James informed Kendall were the colors of his bedroom. "You'll know that soon enough," he smirked, and Kendall chuckled.

"Just not on the first date," he reminded James.

"Which means there will be a second. Can't complain too much, can I?"

When they reached the children's area, James was stymied. "I don't know anything about him," he realized. "How can I shop for my kid when I don't know the first thing about what he likes?"

"You know he's smart," Kendall pointed out.

"That doesn't mean anything when it comes to décor. What are his favorite colors? Will he need toys? Wait, what if he already _has_ all this stuff and I'm just uprooting his whole life, Kendall what was I thinking?"

Hearing that James' voice was approaching hysteria again, Kendall gently steered him out of the main path to speak softly. "His life is already uprooted, James. His mother died. I'm sure he's feeling lost and scared and...none of this will be easy on him."

"He knows his grandparents. Maybe I should just leave him there. I don't want to make his life worse."

"You can only make it better. What he needs is a dad."

"But they've already raised kids, they know what they're doing. I don't!"

"They didn't either when they first started. And you don't exactly approve of their parenting methods, do you?"

"No," James admitted. "Shannon was stressed out all the time from them pressuring her. She wanted to be an artist, did you know that? Of course you didn't, you didn't even know her. But she wanted to paint. They forced her to go into some kind of...doctor program instead. She hated the sight of blood but they wanted her to be a surgeon. So that's what she got into. I don't care what my kid wants to be, that's what he's gonna be. He wants to drive around sweeping shit off the streets because the truck is cool? He'll be the best damn street sweeper that ever lived. He wants to cure cancer? He'll find a way. Because my son will be happy doing whatever the hell he wants to do."

Kendall's smile was soft when he said, "And that's why you're going to be a good father, James. Because you put his needs first. I don't know a lot about kids myself, but I've learned that as long as you listen to them and do anything in your power to make them happy, you're doing the right thing. I mean, obviously don't give into tantrums and if the kid wants to play with knives, that's different, but...you know what I mean?"

"I do," James nodded, relaxing slowly. "All those things I never had as a kid. That's what my kid deserves."

"Then that's what Noah will have."

James' gaze roamed the large space, skating over bedroom themes. "I still don't know what he likes."

"Why don't you start with the basics? A bed, a dresser, that sort of thing. Just enough so that he has a place to call his own. Then bring him back here and you two can shop for the rest of the stuff together."

"That does sound like fun." A wistful smile widened James' mouth. "You're amazing. I would be so lost right now without you."

"Which is why I'm doing _this."_ Kendall grabbed James' hand before leading him on.

"Liar. You're doing that because you don't trust me to not run off and buy more stuff."

"Sure, let's go with that."

James pulled hard on Kendall's hand until he stopped and turned back. "So the real reason is just that you like holding my hand?"

"It might be a little bit of both."

James' eyes studied Kendall's face, flitting around as if taking it all in for the first time. "I can't believe I could've had this two years ago. I was so stupid to be scared of you."

"We're even on that." He lifted a brow and said, "Man of your dreams, hmm?"

James' face flushed. "Oh my god, Logan will pay for that."

"Is it true, though? Is that what you called me?"

"Maaaaaybe." James swung their hands back and forth, stepping closer. "But before you go getting all smug about it, remember that I bet there are plenty of things Carlos could tell me about what you've said over the past two years."

That was a sobering thought. "So we should get going, we've got a lot to do tonight."

"That's what I thought," James laughed, not fighting it when Kendall dragged him on. In spite of this being the scariest adventure he'd ever embarked upon, James was having fun.

* * *

They ran into a snafu when they reached the warehouse area. Kendall had always shopped for furniture with his mother, who possessed a large minivan. James, however, couldn't fit the bed and dresser in his luxury sedan.

"It's okay," Kendall promised. "They deliver."

"But right now?! We have to get this room ready tonight, Kendall!"

As a patient IKEA employee informed them, the soonest they could do was next day. James tried to change that with an offer of "I'll pay anything!" and was continually shut down until that look came into his eyes that Kendall had imagined when Carlos was describing the cinnamon debacle with Corey; Kendall knew hurling insults were only seconds away.

"Hey, why don't you go to the checkout with the smaller stuff and get that taken care of? I'll handle this."

"I'm not leaving until I get a promise that I'll have this stuff at my apartment in an hour!"

"I'll take care of it. Meet you there, okay?"

"Absolutely not! My son is not going to sleep on a couch! I refuse to—"

A sudden kiss did the trick again, James derailed from his outrage. "Stop doing that."

"You really want me to?" Kendall smirked.

James' answer was to drag Kendall in again, prolonging it a bit this time. "Fix this."

"Just follow that arrow to checkout."

Once James had stormed off with a shopping cart, Kendall turned to the clerk. "I am so sorry about that. He's under a lot of stress and doing his best, but he's about to crack."

"I can see that," she mused. "And I really am sorry, but we don't even offer same-day delivery. Not for anyone."

"I know. And it's late in the afternoon, that would probably be impossible to set up. I mean, it's not like your online department works around the clock, right?" Kendall knew that they did.

"Well...I mean...sure, if you order online and pay a huge fee. But this late in the day...even if he tried that, it would be too late."

"Right. I totally understand, and I know how hard that would be on you guys. But here's the thing. That man just found out today that he has a son." Kendall was fudging a tad on the day, but she didn't know any better. "The mother didn't tell him, and she passed away and suddenly he has a little boy to take care of. That little boy has nowhere else to go, and all my friend wants is to give him a safe place to sleep, where he can begin to heal. A place he can call his own, since he's got nothing else. I know you guys don't do this sort of thing, but is there any way at all to make this happen? He was already planning to bring his son back tomorrow and shop for everything else the child wants, and trust me when I say that without me around, that man is going to spend five times more than what any sane person would. Imagine how much that would help little Noah, having a bed of his own to sleep in."

Her face wavered, and Kendall knew it was a done deal. "I really don't think it's possible, and I'm just being honest. But let me talk to my manager and find out for sure, okay?"

"Really? Oh my god, thank you, Lily! You're incredible. I understand if the answer is no, but the fact that you'd even try for Noah's sake...thank you!"

"Just...wait here."

Now she was embarrassed, but that was okay. Kendall stayed put, sending a call through to James.

"I'm at the checkout. Why are people so pushy?"

"Text me your address."

"What?" James gasped. "You got them to deliver it tonight?"

"I'll know in two minutes. Just text it to me."

"Okay! Hang up so I can!"

Kendall grinned at the excitement in James' voice. If he got this to go through, that would probably be worth another full night of blowjobs.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N—Welcome back for another chapter! You will probably get one more later this week, depending on how today goes. Thanks for reading, and as always I hope you enjoy this!

* * *

In the end, it was the manager himself who agreed to drive the items to James' apartment in his pickup, and all James had to pay was the usual delivery fee. He raved most of the drive home about how he couldn't believe Kendall had made it happen, and begged Kendall to tell the story twice. After the second run-through, he asked, "So you used my son's pain to get what you wanted?"

"Well...when you say it like that, it sounds bad. I didn't lie about anything, except maybe the timing."

"I don't think it sounds bad. I think it's fantastic. I never would've even considered appealing to her sympathy. I just get mad."

"And how far does that get you, Diamond?"

"It got me in this car with you, didn't it?"

Both laughed at that comment, Kendall having to admit it was true.

James' apartment turned out to be more of a penthouse in the city's nicer downtown area. "You really live here?" Kendall asked in a hushed voice as they dropped the car with a valet attendant.

"Every day of my life. Come on, I want you to meet Harvey."

"Harvey" was the building's aging doorman, who greeted James warmly and tried to furtively give a thumbs up as Kendall took his place next to James. It made Kendall wonder just how many men James usually paraded in and out of the building.

"Harvey, this is Kendall."

"Ah, hello sir. Welcome to the Pembroke Towers. Should you need anything, just ask."

"Thanks," Kendall blushed, unused to any sort of fancy living. A freaking _doorman?_

"Also, Harvey, if anyone else shows up to see me, send them away."

"Understood. Is that just for tonight, Mr. Diamond?"

"Well...we haven't talked about that yet, but...if I get my way, it's going to be a constant thing."

Their eyes locked, Kendall hearing what James was saying in an oblique manner—he wanted Kendall to be a permanent fixture. It did a lot to ease the doubt that had been creeping in. "We'll talk about it," Kendall nodded. Suddenly feeling much more relaxed, he smiled at Harvey and held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Harvey."

"And you, sir. Have a wonderful evening."

"Oh!" Kendall turned back, James having started them toward the elevators. "There'll be a man delivering furniture to Mr. Diamond. He's allowed in."

"Oh, right," James laughed. "Definitely let that guy in."

"I see," Harvey nodded, obviously assuming the furniture was meant for Kendall. "I'll send him right up, then."

"Thanks, Harvey!" James called back.

Kendall stared around the lobby as they waited for the elevator. Everything had a touch of elegance to it, and it sank in that his earliest impression of James had been correct—this man had money. It was a lifestyle Kendall was far from used to, and he'd bet the story about how James went from lost fuck-up to whatever he was now would be an interesting one.

"Come on," James grinned, noting the look on Kendall's face. "We can talk all night, since I know you're dying to ask a million questions."

"I'm just glad Noah won't be wanting for anything. At least, as long as you don't spend all of your savings at that store tomorrow. Seriously, James, try to control yourself. I know you want to give him everything, but he's a kid. He'll want literally _everything._ "

"He'll get what he asks for."

"Don't spoil him. I'm sure his mother didn't, and once you get a kid used to that, there's no going back without a long road of screaming and time outs."

"Time outs? Did your mother really do that to you?"

"She was more the 'stand in the corner' type. And as big as her heart is, she's a master at ignoring you when you beg for mercy. Do you know how many times I must've heard 'You did the crime, you do the time'?"

"That's adorable," James giggled, pulling Kendall closer by the hands. "Think I'll ever meet her?"

Kendall's breath caught. He wanted to say yes. He could see the fear in James' eyes that whatever this was, it was going to disappear in a cloud of smoke as if it had all been a dream. He was feeling some of that himself, because the impending arrival of Noah was going to change everything. "We'll see how it goes."

The elevator doors parted, James using it as an excuse to cover up his disappointment in Kendall's answer. "Right this way."

After stepping through a white paneled door, Kendall set down his backpack on plush gray carpeting. If he'd been asked to pick one word to describe the feeling of James' large apartment, he would have settled on "flashy." It wasn't in a tacky way; there were paintings and statues scattered around the place, most of it somehow giving off an erotic feel though Kendall couldn't have said why as it wasn't blatant. Still, there was a vibe of elegant debauchery in the air, as if the place was more of a...

Showroom? Like the modeled rooms at IKEA, this one seemed to be carefully designed to bring out a decadent side. Nothing would be taboo here.

"Let me take your coat," James murmured from behind, Kendall shivering as the sleeves were slowly slid down his arms. "Cold?"

"No, it's...actually, the temperature is perfect. Central heating?"

"Yeah. It's nice this time of year."

"I can imagine." He watched James hang his coat in a closet, then couldn't look away as those gloves were peeled off. James sensed the direction of his thoughts and one corner of his mouth quirked up. "You like the gloves?"

"They're...they look warm."

"They are. And they keep my hands from getting dried out in the cold air." After shoving them into his coat pocket and removing that to join Kendall's, James closed the closet door. "Hungry?"

Kendall _was._ He was hungry in a way he'd never been before, and it had nothing to do with his stomach. It hit him that this was the first time they'd been alone, because even in the car there had been others around. Was that why his desire was spiking so intensely?

James sauntered over, running his hands up Kendall's chest to meet behind his neck. "I promise we'll have time for that later," he whispered, Kendall's body going into a wave of shudders. "But the furniture will be here soon and we have a lot to do before that, so...I was thinking of maybe a snack."

Kendall swallowed hard, trying to tamp down his lust. "I can wait."

"For which?"

"Both," he assured James, then laughed at his own behavior. "One's not happening tonight anyway."

"Right. First date and all. But does this really count as our first date?"

Kendall's hands slid over the sweater, feeling hard muscle underneath. "Why wouldn't it? We're going to have dinner together, aren't we?"

"Definitely. You're getting the best meal I can come up with as a thank you for everything you've done for me today."

"So then...let's call it a date. And enjoy it as that."

"I hope you know I don't make all my dates renovate bedrooms."

"That just means I'm special," Kendall smiled, ready for it when James teased his lips with a gentle tongue.

"You have no idea," James whispered, and then the teasing wasn't enough. When a phone rang thirty seconds later, both were lost in a kiss that promised sex wouldn't be a stumbling block between them.

If they ever got there.

James cleared his throat and stepped back, face flushed and hair mussed from Kendall's hands. His hand was just a tad shaky as it lifted the phone to his ear. "Harvey? Oh. Right. Of course, I'll meet them there. Just send them up. Thank you." At Kendall's inquiring gaze, he explained, "The furniture's here. Coming up the freight elevator."

"Perfect. We can just stack everything in that corner until the room's ready for it."

"Sure. Yeah. That's...fuck, I can't even function right now."

Kendall was dragged in for another desperate liplock, grabby hands on his ass pulling him closer and a high-pitched whine slipping out from his throat. "Fuck, James."

"Don't think I don't know that Noah's gonna change my life," James managed harshly, mouth now at Kendall's throat and stopping his speech to apply a sucking pressure. Kendall's knees went weak. "I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I just know that I have you tonight and I don't want to waste it."

And how could Kendall fight _that_? He knew the same things, that there probably wouldn't be time for them to date properly once Noah arrived. There was barely time now due to Kendall's hectic schedule. It would only get worse once fatherhood became a constant in James' life. "I don't either," he breathed, hissing when that mouth suctioned to sensitive skin again. "The furniture," he reminded James, needing a second to think.

"Stay the night. I won't ask for anything past that, not if you don't want it. But please, Kendall, give me one night with you."

"Oh god," Kendall moaned. His head fell back, James taking advantage of the new angle and exploring that spot where his neck met his shoulder. "Yes." It went against everything he believed in when dating, and that was taking things slow because to rush in always caused problems down the road. "Fine. Tonight."

"Promise."

"Swear."

A palm caressed him through the jeans, Kendall having a hard time standing against the waves of pleasure shooting through him. "Thank you," James whispered, and then suddenly Kendall was standing alone, the front door wide open as James ran down the hall.

"Holy shit," Kendall mumbled. The arm of a leather sofa provided a place to rest his throbbing body. In all of his fantasies about James, none had played out like this.

He couldn't wait to see what else reality had in store.

* * *

James had expected everything to come already put together. He stared in apprehension at the boxes stacked against the wall, then at the mattress. "Kendall...I don't build shit. I don't even own a hammer. There's no way I can—"

"That's why I'm here," Kendall reminded him, hugging James from behind and kissing his neck softly. "Usually they provide the tools we need, it's never anything complex. I have a tool chest at home, but we shouldn't need it. We don't have time to drive over and get it anyway. If we have to, we can use Postmates or something."

"No, I'm cooking."

"They do more than just food," Kendall smiled.

James spun in his arms. "Really?"

"Yep. My mom uses them all the time."

"That might come in handy with Noah, since I won't want to leave him alone to run out and get things."

Kendall nodded, then gave in to the urge to kiss James because he was close. James hummed at the gesture, letting Kendall lick his mouth open until he groaned and rolled his hips, using both hands to keep Kendall attached as they moved together. "We really need to get this room done," Kendall said weakly, trying to be the responsible one. He'd started it with the kiss, but James seemed just as eager and Kendall loved that; he'd never had such a responsive partner.

"I don't know if I can focus on anything else with you this close to me." James' mouth tasted its way down Kendall's throat.

Digging deep for willpower, Kendall forcefully stepped back to put distance between them. He was panting slightly when he said, "Problem solved."

James bit his lip, gaze hooded with lust as he studied Kendall. "It's going to be like this all night, isn't it?"

"Not if we keep our distance."

"That's not gonna matter. I'm going to spend the entire night wanting to touch you, and because you want it too, there will be moments like that where we give in. And then you come to your senses and back away, and I feel like I'll die until we give in again."

Kendall bowed his head. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a tease."

"Are you kidding? This is the hottest foreplay I've ever experienced. By the time I get you naked, we're going to be barely holding on and insane. I can't wait to see that side of you unleashed."

"Oh god," Kendall whimpered, suddenly envisioning what that might be like when they eventually made it to bed. "I just...I've never wanted someone this bad."

"That makes two of us," James said softly before stepping close enough to press a gentle kiss to Kendall's lips, so unlike the mauling of each other they'd tended toward the last few times. Kendall liked that James could do both. "The sooner we finish this, the sooner we make that happen."

"Right," Kendall nodded. "Where are you putting whatever's in the room now?"

"I have a storage space downstairs. It's mostly empty, so I'm not worried about that. And honestly there's not much in the room anyway, so..." Mind seemingly back on track, he moved gracefully toward a short hallway and threw open a door before flipping on a light, then stepped back so Kendall could enter.

The room was spacious enough that Kendall guessed it was meant to be a master bedroom, yet there was no bed. There wasn't even any furniture except a red sofa along the back wall and a wooden chair sitting by itself in a corner. The floor was hardwood, the walls painted black, and as Kendall stood in the middle of the open space and spun around, he felt that same vibe of eroticism again, as if whatever happened in here was...

"What do you do?" Kendall suddenly needed to know. "For a living, I mean." James hesitated, and Kendall's heart sank. He wasn't going to like the answer.

Finding courage, James finally replied, "I'm a dancer."

Kendall swallowed. "Like...backup dancer? Stage? Ballet?"

Now James crossed his arms over his chest defensively, but he stood up straighter as if refusing to be ashamed. "No. Exactly the kind of dancer you're imagining."

Licking his lips, Kendall pictured what James must look like on a stage, slowly showing more skin as a song played on and an audience became enraptured. "I bet you're really good at it."

James' gaze dipped down to the floor before he faced Kendall again. "I'm in high demand at the club," he admitted.

Kendall nodded slowly, trying to decide how he felt about all of this. The man he'd fantasized about for two years was a stripper. Hordes of strangers had seen more of James than Kendall had, had _paid_ for it, and many of them had probably laid hands on him as well. James showed no intention of changing his occupation, so many more would continue to do so.

 _That_ thought didn't sit well with Kendall at all.

"Men or women?"

"What?"

"Do you strip for men or women?"

"Mostly men these days. When I first started out, it was at a women's club. But I got bored with it and tried doing it for men and...well, honestly they tip better, and I prefer men. It's more of a rush." Kendall remained silent, thinking that over, and James asked, "Have you ever experienced that? Men or women?"

"Uh...no. I'd be uncomfortable."

James nodded. "I can see that. It's not really your thing."

Kendall shook his head. "But it's...yours? You enjoy it?"

"I do," James said firmly. "I know you think it's sleazy or disgusting, but—"

"No, it's not that."

"No?"

"No. I know people who like to go see that sort of thing, and I don't judge them for it. They have fun with it. It's just...for me, sex is more...private."

"You know we don't have sex at these shows, right?"

"Yes," Kendall laughed, starting to relax a little more. "But it's still sexual. It's about getting turned on and watching someone take off their clothes and..."

"It's more about illusion," James said quietly. "We're not selling sex. We're selling fantasy. Escape."

That was a point of view Kendall hadn't considered. Still... "I guess I just prefer to experience those things one on one and not in a room with other people."

Having not moved from just inside the doorway, James now chanced a few steps in, perhaps worried that Kendall might back away. "I do that, too, you know. Private dances."

James alone with a man who was desperate to touch him. Probably even grinding on the man, and who knew what else. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"What does it make you feel?"

Kendall wasn't sure how to put it into words, especially not at this early stage of their relationship. He had no right to make any claims. "It doesn't matter. It's your life and what makes you happy is—"

"Kendall." James closed the distance, Kendall backing away until his knees brushed against the sofa. "Tell me," James commanded softly. "What does it make you feel?"

James' eyes were hypnotic. He remembered mentioning to Carlos that it was the eyes that had captured his attention the day he'd first seen James, and even after two years that hadn't changed; he couldn't look away. "Jealous," he whispered.

"Why?"

"It's dumb." Now Kendall dropped his gaze, trying to focus on anything but the hazel that was like a magnet. "We just started seeing each other and—"

A hand came up to grip his chin, forcing him to stare into James' eyes. "Why?"

Breathing shallow, Kendall licked his lips and just let the words spill out. "Because their hands are on you. They've seen more of your body than I have, they've touched you places I haven't, and if anyone should be running their hands all over you, it's me."

Kendall was roughly shoved back so that he fell onto the sofa; within seconds, James was straddling his hips to keep him in place. "Do you know what I do in this room?" James whispered, and Kendall could feel the electricity running through the gorgeous body currently trapping him. James was hard and throbbing.

"Dance?" Kendall guessed. He _hoped_ that was all James did here.

"Practice. Rehearse. Come up with new dances and perfect them. Do you know what I picture every single time? What I see in my head as I dance?"

Kendall didn't know, but he was beginning to have an idea and it would blow his mind should it prove to be true. He shook his head, breathless.

"This. You, sitting right here watching me. Your eyes following my every move, your fingers twitching because you want me so bad you can't stand to sit here and not touch. But you don't touch me, you watch, you fall under my spell, and when I'm done you take me right here, just like we're sitting now, and you make me feel like I'm worthy of someone like you. Like you could love me anyway, even though I'm so far beneath you and the great things you're going to do with your life."

"James..." His heart cracked at the realization that James felt worthless in his presence. He kissed James passionately, wanting to assure him that it wasn't true. James kissed him back with desperation, that same fear that Kendall was going to disappear and all of this would be just a dream.

It was a fear Kendall could relate to.

"Dance for me," he murmured against James' lips.

"What?"

"Right now. Dance for me. Before this room is gone, before your life changes forever. Dance for me the way you do in your mind. Make that fantasy come true."

"Are you sure?" James breathed. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It's not the dancing that does that. It's sharing you. I don't have to do that right now, so..."

James slowly slid off Kendall's lap, the move purposely teasing. Something in James' eyes changed, a predatory glint coming into them that Kendall found so arousing he squirmed. He wasn't going to survive this. He'd probably make it through thirty seconds of the song before dragging James to the floor and devouring him.

After moving back to the lighting panel, James plunged them into darkness for a second. Then the room was lit up by only a few spotlights, the glow enough that Kendall could see his surroundings but only just. "Your eyes will adjust," James promised. Kendall wasn't worried about it. As long as he could see James, nothing else mattered.

When James lifted the sweater over his head and tossed it into a corner, Kendall called out, "Hey, that's cheating! You're starting early."

James smirked back over his shoulder. "It's not about the clothes, Kendall. Trust me."

No, Kendall supposed it probably wasn't.

"This isn't my usual dance attire, but..."

"It's not going to matter in two minutes anyway," Kendall promised.

James met the hungry gaze with one of his own, then reached for a remote to send music through speakers that would be a memory by morning. As weird as the idea of James being a dancer felt to Kendall, he was glad that it would be him getting to see the last dance in this room.

Kendall had expected some sort of nightclub flashy song, with lots of booming bass and a sped-up beat. Instead, the song that floated to him went at a slower pace. The bass was present under a melody that was somehow sultry, and there were no words to mar the beauty of the piece. "I'm a little nervous," James suddenly admitted. "I never thought I'd actually dance for you."

"Pretend I'm a fantasy if you have to. Don't hold back."

James nodded and faced away from Kendall, head down and legs spread. He stayed that way for a bit, Kendall imagining he was getting into the zone, and the spotlight seemed to make his hair glitter as he stood under it. Kendall already wanted to touch. Even something as simple as James wearing a t-shirt was seductive, because Kendall had never seen him dressed down to this degree.

Then hips began to move, left and right in time to the music, and Kendall lost the ability to think. Hands slid over fabric, James' head falling back when they skimmed over his ass. He bent at the waist, rolling his hips around in a circle, and it should've been sleazy but instead it was sheer beauty. James felt the music, let it guide him, and it soon became about more than hands on skin. He moved with grace and elegance while still maintaining that erotic vibe, and by the time he finally swept a leg around to face the sofa, Kendall was enthralled.

Their gazes clashed, James rarely looking away as he continued to dance. He used much of the space, Kendall's eyes following every step. The t-shirt was eventually peeled off, James turning the act into a torturous reveal. Kendall took in the smooth expanse of skin over taut muscle, aching to touch but forcing himself to remain immobile other than occasional licks to his lips or yes, just as James had predicted, twitches from his fingers. And was he drooling? He wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case. James Diamond was liquid fire on a dance floor.

The pants eventually ended up where Kendall wanted them, which was nowhere near James. Clad only in boxer briefs that Kendall imagined were a far cry from the undergarments he usually wore on stage, James was still the hottest thing he'd ever seen. His hips rolled in circles again, a tight ass teasing with the movement, and now it was getting difficult for Kendall to sit still. He squirmed, trying and failing to stifle a soft groan. James spun then, his erection prominent against the clinging material. Kendall's mouth watered.

Still moving to the beat, James sank to his knees and crawled to Kendall, who begged with his eyes to end the torture. He could only stand so much. Warm hands ran up his thighs, not stopping where Kendall wanted them to but continuing on to lift Kendall's shirt up and off. Kendall shivered, his own hands desperate to feel skin and attempting to move but James grabbed his wrists and pinned them back against the cushions. "No touching," he whispered, forcing another groan from Kendall before a wet tongue traced circles over his stomach. No one had ever teased him there before, and the sensitive skin quivered under James' mouth.

He wasn't even going to last long enough to get his clothes off at this rate.

As if James knew how close he was to the danger zone, he backed off with his mouth but then lifted himself onto Kendall's lap. Kendall thrusted up, needing some kind of friction, and James shook his head with a gently scolding look on his face.

 _Right. No touching. Jesus, is this what it's like for the men he dances for? No wonder he's in high demand._

James shifted forward once, just enough to rub himself over Kendall's cock, and Kendall's head fell back with a whimper. Then the weight lifted and he could breathe again.

At least until three seconds later when James sat on him again, facing away this time. His ass moved in those same circles, grinding in time with the music until all Kendall could do was moan with each rub. Coherent thought was nowhere to be found. James showed no mercy, arching back for a better angle as he continued to grind, and just when Kendall was about to explode he slid off and onto the floor again.

Kendall laid back against the cushions, fighting for air and composure. He couldn't look at James, because to stare into those eyes might just send him over the edge, so he shut his lids tight and for that reason wasn't ready when nimble fingers worked his jeans open. He gasped, the zipper gently tugged down over his erection and holy shit, if James thought he could stand a blowjob right now, he was going to get a mouthful of surprise.

Finally finding a string of control, Kendall forced his eyes open because he didn't want to miss whatever James had in mind. James tugged at his jeans, taking the boxers as well, and Kendall lifted his hips to help but then James was on him again, and this time there was no material to cover what Kendall had been dying to see. James was completely bare before him, obviously as turned on as Kendall was. "Let me touch you now," Kendall pleaded.

Again James shook his head. He leaned sideways to reach behind a cushion, coming back out with a condom and lube. Kendall's entire body shuddered in anticipation. He'd think about why James had a stash of supplies ready later. He'd wonder about the ease and familiarity with which James rolled the condom on and stroked lube onto it another time. Right now it was all about watching as James prepared himself, about the way his eyes rolled back in ecstasy and his tongue peeked out from his lips with a low hum.

Their eyes met with a look Kendall hadn't seen before, not lust and not desperation, not even affection. There was something serious behind the hazel, as if James was bracing himself and yet...it was soft. Intense. Ready.

He pressed Kendall further back into the cushions, then reached underneath to steady Kendall before sinking down slowly to take him in. Their gazes locked, neither wanting to look away, but the pleasure was so deep that Kendall's head fell back before he regained control, and by that time it was James who couldn't hold himself upright. He fell forward onto Kendall's chest, his face pressing into Kendall's neck with a sound that was almost like a sob. Concerned, Kendall was about to ask if he was okay but then he was moving, up and down in time to the music and Kendall's hands instead went to James' hips, gripping them gently as James danced over him in that same manner as before, only this time Kendall was inside. It was hypnotic, it was ecstasy, it was addicting. Everything about James was addicting and had been from the moment their fingers touched for the first time, that same electricity shooting through Kendall now but at a much deeper level.

He couldn't stand the distance anymore and dragged James in for a kiss, James making desperate mewling sounds into his mouth that sent Kendall higher. It seemed impossible that this man wanted him, craved him, but the proof was right here grinding over him in a slow rhythm as the music seeped into Kendall's bones. The kiss was what did it, Kendall's breath becoming ragged as orgasm raced closer like a runaway train. "James—"

Before he could get any further with the thought, James gasped and arched away, head falling back on a high-pitched moan as he came with enough force that his muscles clenched tighter around Kendall, and there was no hope of surviving that. Kendall let go, his vision going white with the intensity of it, and when he became aware of his surroundings again he hugged James against his chest, James clutching him with the same fierceness. Both were panting as if they'd run a marathon. James let out a delicious groan before peppering Kendall's collarbone with soft kisses, and Kendall smiled. He kissed James' temple and whispered, "So much for foreplay."

"Are you kidding? We've been building up to this for two years. Now _that's_ foreplay."

Kendall had to laugh at the truth behind that.

"So. Am I the first to break your 'no sex on the first date' rule?"

"You are," Kendall admitted. "You should feel special."

"Mmm, I do. If it makes you feel any better, you'll be the first to break my steadfast rule."

"Which would be?"

"You'll be sleeping in my bed with me. I don't allow anyone into my room."

"Really?" Kendall asked, gently pushing James away to look into his eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know. That's my sanctuary. It's my place. Nobody invades that. Certainly not the random men I bring home when I'm too lonely to make it through the night."

"And where do those men sleep?"

"This couch pulls out into a bed."

"Ah. But you uh...you want me in your room?"

"I want you in my everything."

Kendall bit his lip; he wanted that, too. "Let's worry about Noah right now, and once that settles down...we'll see how I fit in. Okay?"

"He's not going to change the fact that I want you."

"I know, but parenthood is all about sacrifice. Sometimes you have to give up your dreams to make theirs come true."

James shook his head slowly. "Mine already did."

Kendall couldn't resist a kiss for that comment, James savoring it and then sighing in contentment before Kendall said, "You know, we're never going to get anything done at this rate."

"Sure we will," James disagreed. "We got the edge off now. We should be able to focus on other things for at least...oh, I give us an hour."

Kendall giggled, hugging James close again. "It'll take me longer than that just to put the dresser together."

"Which is perfect, since I have dinner to cook. Though I'm more than willing to help you with the furniture, if that's what you want."

"Nope. You just focus on food. We'll get all this stuff cleared out, then you can start dinner while I build a home for Noah."

James swallowed. "Careful, I'm starting to like the sound of that and the direction it implies we're headed."

Kendall smiled. "One step at a time."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N—Hey guys, welcome back to the story! I just wanted to say how glad I am that you all like Harvey. You'll see him a few more times in future chapters (and maybe more, depending on how the story progresses). This chapter wraps up the evening, which they're calling a "first date." Thanks for reading!

* * *

Once they'd removed everything from the dance room (except the speakers, because as James said "What if he likes music?"), Kendall set to work putting together the furniture. James left him alone as promised, and Kendall only ventured out once more to retrieve the lamp and bedding they'd purchased for Noah. When he did, he found James busy over a stove while humming along to a vibrant piece of classical music. It was another side of James he hadn't known about, and the sight of the man so engrossed and at peace in a kitchen made his heart warm. James' current outfit of jeans and a gray t-shirt with bright red lips and large X's all over it only added to the charm. There was a lot to James that he still needed to learn.

James' sweaty bangs were stuck to his forehead when he finally peeked in with a gasp. "Oh my god. You actually did it."

Kendall stood up, having been testing the mattress with a few bounces. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

"No, but...look at all this." James stepped into the room, stopping in the center and spinning around. "I'll have to repaint the walls. Unless he's into astronomy like Logan, then maybe we can turn it into space or something. But...it's a real bed and a desk and a dresser and...you even made the bed!"

Kendall chuckled, unable to keep his hands off James, who didn't fight the hug from behind. "So it looks okay?"

"It's fantastic! And so hot."

"Hot?" Kendall stepped away and spun around to study the room himself, face wrinkling into confusion. "How is a child's room hot?"

"No, weirdo, it's hot that you put all this together! I always knew you'd be a rugged, handyman type."

"I don't know about rugged," Kendall argued. "I don't get outdoors as much as I'd like to."

"See but that's just it, you'd _like_ to! You probably love to hike and go camping and...go fishing. Do you fish?"

"Not since I was a kid," Kendall answered. His face shut down. "I wouldn't even know how anymore."

"Oh, I hit on a sore spot."

"What?"

"The fishing, it's a bad memory."

How the hell had James picked up on that? "No, the fishing was great. I had a good time."

James' lips pursed. "But then it stopped, and you're still hurt about it."

"I am not hurt about it!"

"Oh, you so are. You mentioned your dad leaving. Is that why you were so determined that I raise Noah myself?"

Kendall was speechless, staring back at James as if he'd been slapped.

James nodded. "We have so much to learn about each other." He kissed Kendall lightly and added, "But I called that, and it's because I went through the same thing with my dad. Sort of. We'll get into all that another time. Right now dinner's ready and it's best straight out of the oven, so..." He smacked Kendall's ass. "Move out."

Rather than obey the command, Kendall shoved James up against a wall and kissed the hell out of him. James melted under the assault, pulling Kendall closer so that Kendall was aware of just how much he welcomed the gesture. "After dinner," James finally grated. "I didn't slave over a hot stove to let it get cold."

Kendall lifted James off his feet, and as they kissed again he carried James out to the dining room, long legs wrapped around his hips. "I can't get enough of you," Kendall admitted.

"Good. That was always the common theme running through every fantasy I ever had about you."

"Really?" Kendall set James down next to a dining table laden with hot dishes and plates waiting to be filled. "That I couldn't get enough of you?"

"Yep. One time I even broke up your marriage."

A laugh broke free. "You thought I was married?"

"No, I'd never seen a ring, so I assumed you weren't. But that one fantasy...we had some hot and heavy secret meet-ups before you left your wife for me. That one went on for days. Sit. Let me serve you."

Kendall did, then stood again. "Wait, I need to wash up."

"You do have an adorable smudge of dust on your cheek," James grinned. "Go on then. But hurry back, I'm dying for you to taste this. I hope you like it."

"It smells incredible."

James' radiant smile stayed with him all the way into the bathroom. Kendall couldn't shake it, and realized he didn't want to. He'd be happy if James looked at him that way for the rest of his life.

But James was right in that they had so much to learn about each other. In all of Kendall's musings about what James' life might be like, he'd never imagined a stripper. He still wasn't sure how he felt about it, and that would most likely be an issue down the road.

Especially with a child. It wasn't the lifestyle he'd want his kid growing up with.

 _It doesn't matter because Noah isn't your kid. You wanted him to raise the child, let him do it his way._

That was easier said than done. And truthfully, he didn't even know if he'd be around in a month to have a say in Noah's upbringing. Even if he was, it wasn't his place.

 _You're getting too serious about all of this, Kendall. It's a date. You're helping a friend. A friend you just banged, but still just helping a friend. Stop making it more than it is._

"Kendall? Everything okay?"

And how the _fuck_ did James always know when he was freaking out? James wasn't even in the room!

Kendall dried his hands after scrubbing his face with a washcloth. He pasted a smile on for James' benefit and returned to the dining area. "Yeah, just getting rid of all the dirt."

"Stop freaking out."

"You know...I'm not sure I like that you can read me so well on our first date."

"I love it. Sit down and relax. Tell me what sort of fantasies you had about me."

While James moved around the table to fill Kendall's plate with cooking that appeared more appetizing than his own mother's, Kendall replied, "Mostly I wondered about you. Imagined different careers, that sort of thing."

"Ooo, what did I do?"

"Well, it was always something that made you rich. Thanks," he smiled as a heaping plate was set down. Kendall saw some sort of beef dish over pasta, grilled vegetables, and what might be garlic bread that also looked grilled. "This looks amazing."

"I should've asked about your food allergies and preferences before I started, but..." James shrugged. "If you don't like it, we can always order out."

"No, I'm definitely eating this." He bit into the bread and made a satisfied noise. "Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Cooking shows," James blushed. "I'm addicted to them. But my kitchen is my happy place, it's where I'm most at home. Cooking relaxes me. Probably stems from my love of eating. I was not a skinny child."

"Seriously?" Kendall couldn't imagine it. "When did that change?"

"When I started doing drugs." He waited for Kendall to get past that, using the time to take a bite of the pasta. "Shit, I forgot the wine!"

Suddenly Kendall was alone, mind reeling at the revelations James was dropping on him. There'd never been a scenario where James was a drug addict, either.

"I don't do it anymore," James explained when he trotted back with a bottle and two glasses. "Shannon and Logan helped me get over it, though the hunger for it comes back sometimes when I'm feeling weak. I haven't given in yet, and I don't plan to. But for a few years I was a mess. Well, I've always been a mess, but that was the worst of it. It took them almost a year to talk me into getting help. It still amazes me that they didn't give up on me, that they didn't just...walk away."

Kendall sipped at the wine, thinking that Shannon's betrayal must have cut deeper than he'd realized before. "So she didn't leave you over that, but cut you off when you got her pregnant?"

"Apparently." After pouring himself a glass, James took his seat again. "But getting back to the cooking...I lost a lot of weight because of the drugs, and once I got over that I decided to be healthier all around. Started working out, eating better, learning all about food and nutrition and how food can be turned into fuel instead of just...crap that we shove in our bodies."

"I'm surprised you didn't pursue that as a career."

"I thought about it," James nodded. "School costs money, though, and for a long time I didn't have much. Are the vegetables okay? Not too cold?"

"No, they're great. I don't even like vegetables, but I'm planning to go for seconds on these. That's how incredible of a cook you are."

James beamed. "Thanks! Grilling them changes the game. And you're okay with beef?"

"My sister hates me for it, but yes. I love beef."

"Shannon was the same way. I get where they're coming from, but...I mean..."

"You don't have to say it. I'm not going to turn my nose up at a good steak."

"God, you are so perfect. Better than all of my fantasies."

"What did you come up with for me?"

"No, we weren't finished talking about me yet. You said something that made me rich? Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kendall blushed. "Usually an exec of some kind. Or a stock broker. Always something high-strung, like stressful with a ton of deadlines. Though once you were royalty. A prince."

"A prince?" James giggled. "I like that."

"It's ridiculous. Now come on, your turn."

"Okay um...you've been probably everything at some point. A fireman, a cop, a Marine, a politician trying to change the world, even a priest that I managed to seduce." Kendall almost spit out his food laughing at that. "Oh, one time you were undercover FBI!"

Kendall cracked up again. "But I work at a coffeehouse!"

"Undercover, hello! And yeah, you work at a coffeehouse, but I knew you were working toward something more. Somehow I always knew that about you, that it was just a job on the way to greatness. I never imagined a lawyer, though."

"Yeah, it's pretty boring in comparison to all those other things. They all seem heroic, and I don't really measure up to all of that."

"Are you kidding me? Kendall, so far you've been everything I ever imagined. _More_ even."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not undercover FBI."

"Shut up, that's not what I mean!" James laughed. "Just since this morning, you've rescued me so many times. Mostly from myself."

Kendall laid down his fork, his plate clean. "I think you doubt yourself too much. You can be anything you want. _Do_ anything you want. And if dancing is what you want to do, if that's what makes you happiest, then do it."

"Really? I feel like you don't approve."

"It's...I honestly don't know how I feel about it. It's not the dancing that bothers me so much. It's the idea that others are touching you."

"Nope."

"They're not?"

"No. Remember what I kept telling you? No touching. They're not allowed to touch me."

"You fucking sit on their laps and grind into them."

"And they still can't touch me. They know that upfront."

"Still, James. You're getting them off."

James shrugged. "They pay for that. For the illusion. But that's all it ever is."

"And you're telling me you don't bring any of them home? That you just happen to have condoms stashed in your couch for no reason at all?"

"I don't dance for anyone in there. That's _my_ space. It's for practice."

"But you have a sofa that pulls out into a bed."

"Yes, because I get lonely. Do I ever bring home men with me from the club? Yeah. I do. But it's separate from the dancing. It has nothing to do with that. When I dance, that's all it is. And when I get serious with a man, that's all there will ever be. No one coming home with me, no one sleeping on that couch with me. My boyfriend is going to sleep in _my_ room, in _my_ bed, and make love to me the way you did tonight because _that_ is what I dream of. And my boyfriend will be the only man who touches me. The only one I _allow_ to touch me." They stared at each other in silence until James added, "If you don't want to be that man, I get it. It's not the lifestyle an upstanding lawyer dreams about." James blinked rapidly, choked up now. "We can just say goodbye in the morning and I'll have this night to remember, and that will have to be enough."

Kendall rose from the table. James watched with fear in his gaze, afraid that it was all going to shatter right now, that Kendall was going to walk out the door. Instead, Kendall pulled James by the hand from his chair, then swept him up like a bride and carried him toward what he assumed was James' bedroom. James' arms wound around Kendall's neck, his body already trembling with need. The light from the hall spilled into the bedroom, lighting Kendall's way enough that he was able to deposit James on the bed before straightening to shed his clothes. James hurriedly shucked off his own, little breathy moans coming from him before Kendall even touched him. Kendall couldn't get enough of the sounds James made, the shaking of his limbs with the needy desperation, the way James' body opened itself to him in invitation. This time it was Kendall who provided the condom, always smart enough to carry one in his wallet because you just never knew, and James reached into a drawer to pass Kendall a bottle of lube. James shuddered as Kendall got him ready, losing his mind when Kendall bent his head to swipe his tongue along the hard length.

"Fuck, fuck, so perfect, can't...don't...Kendall, _please!"_

Kendall could've teased James, getting revenge for the same treatment earlier, but he could tell that James wouldn't be able to stand it and the truth was, Kendall didn't think he could, either. He slid into home with a groan, James using his legs to squeeze Kendall in deeper. There was no music this time but Kendall created his own rhythm with long, slow thrusts that were torture because they both wanted faster and harder. Since both also wanted it to last, neither changed the pace and James attached his lips to Kendall's, giving the desire another outlet in order to prolong the act. Kendall sensed words on the tip of James' tongue, had a feeling he knew what they might be, but since he didn't know what their future held he couldn't promise the things James needed from him: devotion, love, commitment, a life together. He wanted the same things, so he tried to show it in his kiss and the gentle caresses they shared. His hand eventually found James and stroked in time with his thrusts, and then it wasn't long before climax hit. James held him close when it was over, neither wanting to move possibly ever again and wishing they could just stay in the moment and hide from whatever time had in store for them.

"Don't ever think you aren't good enough for me," Kendall finally whispered, kissing James' ear. "I don't care what you do to make money, just promise I'm the only one who gives you this."

"Nobody else. Just your hands on me. Your body in me."

Kendall closed his eyes, peace settling over his heart. That was the common theme running through all of _his_ fantasies, that he was the only one who could make James feel like this.

No matter what changes were on the way for them, he was hopeful that this, at least, would stay the same.

* * *

Once they made it out of the bedroom, Kendall offered to help James clean up the mess from dinner. At first James balked at the gesture, stating that Kendall had done more than enough work throughout the evening, but when Kendall admitted he just wanted an excuse to be close to James, he caved so that it was Kendall rinsing dishes and loading the dishwasher while James put everything away.

"You're quiet," Kendall remarked after James had fallen silent for a few minutes. "You freaking out about Noah again?"

"A little," James sighed. He set the leftover pasta in the refrigerator before facing Kendall. "I'm just thinking that it won't ever be like this again. Starting tomorrow, there will be a little boy here that I have to keep my eye on while I cook and I'll probably have to coax him to eat his vegetables and...I don't know. Dinner's always been my time to relax, to just...take some time for myself and block out the world. I put on my music, let cooking soothe me, drink some wine, and sit and eat in peace. That sounds selfish, right? To be bummed that I'm losing that?"

Kendall shrugged. "I think it's natural. I mean, if my mom could've had nights like that, she would've been ecstatic. It's not wrong to want that quiet time, especially when raising a kid takes so much out of you. And my poor mom had to deal with both me and Katie. We didn't make things easy."

James smiled. "A lot of days spent in that corner?"

"More than I care to admit," Kendall laughed. "Have you decided what to do with him while you work? Or are you going to give that up?"

"Honestly, giving up my job would be stupid. I make so much money off it and I want to be able to provide for Noah. I know it's not what you think a father should be doing with his nights but—"

"I never said that, James. I'm not judging."

"Still. You're a kind of...wholesome guy. It feels wrong to you."

"I...don't really know how I feel about it, from a fatherly point of view. And it doesn't matter what I think anyway. You're his father, you need to do what works for you. And for Noah."

"Yeah. My biggest thing is that I don't have someone to take care of him while I'm at work. I could hire a live-in nanny, I guess, but I don't like the idea of a stranger raising my kid. I only know two people I'd trust with my son, and both of them are too busy to stop their lives for me."

"I might be able to help out on the weekends, so that's three. Although since we technically just met, I understand if you don't trust me."

"Kendall," James chuckled, "you were included in the original two."

"Oh." Though he blushed, Kendall was pleased to know James trusted him.

"You gonna finish scrubbing that pot or let it soak all night?" James teased.

"Right. Sorry." Kendall had forgotten what he was doing, getting so caught up in the conversation. He returned to the task. "I'm really not that great with kids anyway. I babysat Katie plenty growing up, but she's not a typical kid."

"No? A nerdy type like Logan?"

"Not at all." The idea of it made Kendall crack up. "She's actually a lot like me, now that I think about it. Only more devious."

"Uh oh. How much younger is she than you?"

"Five years. But she's way too smart for her own good. Always getting into trouble with these weird little schemes and trying to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do."

"Does your mom fall for it?"

"Well she's older now, so it's not as bad as it used to be. Sometimes, though. But Mom always catches on eventually. Wait, you know who's really good with kids? Carlos."

"Carlos? The guy who was flirting with Logan?"

"Yeah. He's the oldest of five kids. I was at his place all the time growing up, and he was left in charge a lot. He isn't always the most mature person, but he was a master at knowing how to deal with each one of those kids. They still call him all the time, asking for advice or help or...he's just really good with kids."

James nodded slowly, considering that. "And you trust him?"

"Completely. He's my best friend."

"Surely he wouldn't want to move in here, though."

"Actually, he's looking for a new place right now. He's been living with Corey and—"

"Corey? Corey who can't count?"

Kendall tilted his head toward James with a tolerant expression. "He can count, James. He's just not very careful with the sprinkles."

"Well, that's his job. He should be."

After setting the last dish in the machine, Kendall closed the door and shut off the faucet. He was drying his hands as he said, "You know, you could be a little nicer to people in customer service. They're doing their best."

"Are they, though? I mean, _you_ are. No question of that. But is it wrong to expect that when I go into a place, the people there know what they're doing and do it well?"

"No, but—"

"Think about it, Kendall. I don't go into a bakery expecting that the employees don't know how to bake. When I go into a flower shop, I expect those people to know flowers and how to care for them. That's their job. When my customers come into my club, I give them my all. I've taken the time to learn what pleases them and know what works best and if you come in for a night of illusion and escape, that's what you get. You get the best damn show money can pay for." James averted his gaze, something in Kendall's eyes too intense to face just then. "Don't look at me like that."

Shaken, Kendall blinked a few times. "Like what?" He hadn't even been aware of the thoughts in his head.

"I know that look, because it's one I've imagined on your face so many times. You're falling in love with me. And as much as I want to get used to that look, I can't get my hopes up that this is gonna last and that ten years from now we'll be sitting at that table discussing Noah's plans for college or to join the military or to...to..."

Because James looked as if he was about to cry, Kendall captured his lips in a kiss that was soothing. He felt James melt beneath the touch, his hands gripping James' waist to lift him up onto the kitchen counter as they continued to kiss. James' arms stole around Kendall's neck, tipping his head back to reach deeper into his mouth, and slowly he began to sway. Kendall was learning that there was always music running through James' mind, that his body was an instrument to bring those melodies to life, and right now the song was wistful. It was romantic with a touch of seduction. It was an invitation to things James was afraid to ask for, fearing that his hopes and dreams for a life with Kendall would be denied.

Wanting to numb that fear, Kendall sought to distract James in a way that made thought impossible. His fingers popped the button on James' jeans, James letting out a groan into Kendall's mouth and shifting his hips closer. The zipper came down and then James arched back to give Kendall better access. A few more steps had James free, his gaze dark as it met Kendall's with anticipation. When Kendall took James into his mouth, a hum of pleasure sounded above him and hands got lost in his hair. James' stilted breathing told Kendall that he was on the right track, that reason was far beyond James' grasp. It was exactly what Kendall had been going for.

There were no words, just more of that satisfied humming along with a few hisses and sharp intakes that ended in whines, at least until James closed in on orgasm. Kendall knew he was close, sensed it in the way James' breathing changed and how he had to hold James in place due to squirming, but then James suddenly blurted, "I need to tell you something!" He nudged Kendall away, panting as they stared at each other.

"Now?" Kendall asked incredulously. "You have to tell me something _now_?"

"Yes. It's important. I can't...you just have to know this because if I keep it inside any longer I'm going to explode."

Kendall couldn't contain a soft smile. "Isn't that the whole point of what we're doing?"

"No, stop it, you're not distracting me with adorable sex talk. I have to say this now."

"Okay." Trying to return to a place where his head was in charge and not his dick, Kendall took a deep breath. "Should you pull your pants up? Because that's distracting."

"No, you're totally finishing that. In a moment."

"Okay..." What could be so important that it couldn't wait thirty more seconds for the finale?

James licked his lips, eyes bright. "It's not just you."

"What's not?"

"The feelings. The look. I'm falling in love with you, too. And not just my fantasies of you. I've been falling in love with you for two years, from the first time you smiled at me and told me you looked forward to seeing me again, but that was more about the idea of you. I was in love with my _idea_ of you. What's happening here, the thing I'm falling in love with now...it's not the idea. It's everything you are, everything you say, everything you've done from the second you brought me a refill on my coffee and offered to listen if I needed to talk. I'm falling in love with you and I don't want this to end and I just needed you to know that. Right now."

"Right now," Kendall echoed.

"Yeah."

Kendall nodded slowly, digesting the words. It was a lot to take in, because it matched his feelings exactly.

"You can finish now."

Amusement made its way out of Kendall's mouth in the form of a laugh. "Like I'm just supposed to go back to sucking you off after a speech like that?"

"Well, yeah. Unless...there was something you wanted to say?"

Kendall shook his head. "I don't need to say it."

"If you wanted to, I'm ready and waiting."

"I see that," Kendall smirked, his hand snaking between them to grip James firmly. James hummed again, that sound that Kendall knew he'd hear in his dreams. "But it's not necessary, because you hear it anyway. I don't know how you do it, but you know exactly what I'm thinking most of the time."

"That's because you don't know the meaning of deception. Or dishonesty. Or how to be anything different than what's in your heart. Your face speaks louder than your voice, and I love that about you."

"Then how did you not know for two years that I was dying to know you?"

"Because I was too afraid to believe it," James whispered. "I thought I was making it up. Once I knew it was true, I knew I could trust that part of me that sees into you. You're falling in love with me, too."

No matter what James said, Kendall thought maybe he did need to hear it—for his own peace of mind. "I'm falling in love with you," Kendall confirmed softly. "And not with the idea. It's _you._ "

James kissed him hard then, letting go of the passion that he kept contained most of the time. "Forget the blowjob," he commanded roughly. "Make love to me."

Kendall knew what James wanted. He took James into the bedroom, again invading his sanctuary, and there James gave all of himself. Unlike with the dancing, there was no illusion or escape. This time, James lived every second as his true self, free in a way he'd never been with anyone else.

Kendall did the same.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N—Posting this sooner than planned because I'm in the mood. For those wondering, Noah makes his official appearance in the next chapter. :) Thank you so much for reading!

* * *

Kendall woke up snuggled under a mountain of plush blankets, warm and cozy. He was alone, and that disappointed him until he recognized the aroma of bacon and heard the faint sound of classical music drifting in from the kitchen. This time the song was vaguely familiar, though Kendall couldn't place it; for some reason, it took him back to his childhood, to a time when things had been good and their family had been whole.

He stretched, groaning softly at the various aches reminding him of their night together, and then let his gaze roam James' sanctuary. It had been dark before, but now he noted that the room really was done in reds and grays and that James had put thought into the décor. He spotted the lamp James had insisted on at IKEA, and looked up to see the new painting above his head as well. James must've found the time to get that set up before cooking dinner. There was also a...what was it called? Some kind of little desk type thing with a huge mirror and a bench before it. His mother would know the name of it. The surface was cluttered with bottles of other things Kendall couldn't name, but he'd bet their purpose was to make James more beautiful.

 _As if that's even possible._

There was a closet to Kendall's right, the door open just enough for him to see that it was packed with clothing and shoes. He attempted for about ten seconds to talk himself out of it, but gave into curiosity and peeked into the nightstand drawers. The top held things Kendall wasn't even sure how to use, his cheeks reddening as he studied the toys, but the bottom yielded a small collection of snacks and comic books. He grinned at the sight of those things, thinking James was a strange mix of sophistication, sex, and innocence.

He quickly closed the drawers, not wanting to get caught snooping, and wondered if he should join James in the kitchen or wait until he was called to breakfast. The pull of watching James cook was too strong to fight, though, and Kendall stretched again before finding his clothes and slipping into them. First stop, bathroom.

There he tried to force his hair into at least a semi-groomed state, finally giving up with a shrug. If James couldn't handle bedhead, it wasn't going to work anyway.

The scene that greeted him was one Kendall wished he could wake up to every day. Clad in a red satin robe that hung only halfway down his thighs, James was shaking a frying pan slightly. Suddenly an omelet flipped up and into the air before coming to rest again on its other side. James hummed to the music as he settled the pan back down over the flame, then used tongs to turn the bacon. Kendall spied two kinds of cheese near James' elbow, along with freshly-sauteed onions and something green that might've been spinach. A loaf of whole-grain bread sat open, and Kendall thought he could probably handle that on his own.

Before any of that, though, something else was necessary. He stepped closer and slid his arms around James' waist. James jumped slightly, having been so into his music that he hadn't heard Kendall's approach, but then he leaned back with a content sigh. James smelled like some kind of shampoo or body wash that had Kendall wanting more of it, so he kissed James' neck as James hugged his arms tighter.

"I was just about to wake you up. Omelets are almost done, and I just need to pop the bread into the toaster."

"You're amazing. Do you cook like this every morning?"

"When I have time. I do a lot of breakfast meetings away from home, so not too often." James still hadn't let go of Kendall's arms and now they were swaying together in time to the music. "Are you late to work?"

"I emailed the firm last night after you fell asleep. Told them I won't be in today."

"Oh, Kendall." James spun around fast. "I didn't mean to make you miss work."

"It's one day. I'm still new there so they don't know it yet, but I never call out. It's fine."

"Except you missed your classes last night and now this today and...all because of me."

"I had a choice in that." Kendall leaned in for a lingering kiss. "I don't regret my decision."

A sound that was both happy and frustrated escaped James' throat. "I promise I won't disrupt your life anymore."

The probable truth in that pierced Kendall's heart. "It's fine," he said again. "I'll spend the time today catching up on schoolwork I'm behind on, and then I don't work at Black Forest until this evening, so it all works out."

"Okay, as long as...shit, breakfast!"

James shoved Kendall away to save the bacon that was inching toward more crispy than either of them liked it. Without asking, Kendall dragged four slices of bread from the bag and popped them into a toaster. The music changed, a sudden flash of large snowflakes hanging from the ceiling dropping into Kendall's mind. "Wait. I know this. I've seen...something. A dance thing?"

"It's 'The Nutcracker'," James smiled. "It's usually a Christmas thing but it's one of my favorites so I listen to it year-round."

"The Nutcracker. Oh my god. I think Katie did a dance recital to this, back when Mom forced her into girly stuff. She hated it. And had no rhythm. But she was so adorable on that stage."

"I bet. It's probably a memory she doesn't even like to think about."

"I'll have to bring it up the next time she annoys me."

James laughed, the sound carefree even though Kendall had already picked up on the fact that he was a ball of tension. Once they were seated at the table with a meal that made Kendall's mouth water, he tried, "You doing okay?"

The light in James' eyes died. He looked away. "No. I'm freaking the fuck out."

"I know. And I can keep telling you it'll be okay, but you're not going to believe it until the moment's at hand."

"I just...I'm so scared. I'm so scared to fuck him up, to leave him more scarred than he probably already is. I mean, Shannon's only been dead for about a week. He doesn't even know me and the thought of coming to live with a stranger has to be terrifying for him."

"I'm sure all of that's true," Kendall nodded, "but it'll only be scary for the first few weeks. Once he gets used to you and this place, his new life and the people in it, he'll be happy to be here."

"Will he?"

"Yes. Because I don't think it's possible to be around you and not be happy."

James' fork paused halfway to his mouth, the bite of omelet shaking so that he had to set it down. "It's not just Noah that has me freaking out."

"Ah." Unsure how to feel about that, Kendall lifted a glass of juice to his lips. Was James regretting this already?

"Having you here last night...right now...I don't want it to end. It was so much better than every fantasy I ever came up with and I know it can't continue and...I mean, unless you're willing to date a guy with a kid?"

"Did I give you any indication that I wasn't willing to do that?"

"I don't know, you just...when I talk about us being together you keep saying things like 'we'll see how it goes.' And I get it, we don't know what's coming so you're probably afraid to count on anything, but I'm putting it out there right now that I want more days like this. More nights like that. The way you kiss me...the way you touch me...I'm not going to find that anywhere else. I've been with enough partners to know that. And I know things will be weird once Noah lives here but maybe we can at least try to have one date a week? Just something, _anything_ , that I can hold onto because I don't want to let you go."

Kendall swallowed the last of his bacon, wiping his mouth on a napkin before attempting to put his thoughts into words. "It isn't that I'm not willing to try. Or that I don't want to. It's more that I'm afraid we'll try and it just won't work. Our schedules already don't match up, and once Noah's here he'll be your priority. As he should be. And I guess I just don't want to count on something that might not happen because this isn't like 'Oh, I'm supposed to grab coffee with a buddy next week.' It's not something that isn't a big deal and that I'll be fine with if it doesn't happen. You are a big deal, and if I get too caught up in you and we don't work out...that's not going to be easy to get over. It's not like I'm gonna walk out of here today and go on with my life as if something monumental didn't happen. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm just afraid to count on it lasting."

James blinked as he considered Kendall's words, but said nothing. It drove Kendall insane, because he was learning to read James but also knew now that when James wanted to hide his feelings, he was too good at it. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm wondering if we have time for another round. I'm pretty sure we don't, and it pisses me off because after a speech like that I just want you to take me back to bed and love me."

A soft smile graced Kendall's lips. "I wouldn't hate that."

After a look from James that told Kendall he was envisioning what that might be like, he sighed and started eating again. "I still need to get dressed and ready for the drive out there. Can I drop you at home?"

"I'm actually heading to the coffeehouse. Is that out of your way?"

"No, it's fine, but I thought you don't work until tonight."

"I'm gonna stop in and talk to Carlos. I stood him up last night and I feel bad about it."

"Oh, shit. You were supposed to meet with him? When?"

"Sometimes we get dinner between my classes. We were going to last night and then..."

"And then I came along and ruined your life."

"Please, you know that's not true. And if it is, don't hesitate to make my life hell again," Kendall winked.

James grinned before pushing his plate away to rest his chin on his hand and stare at Kendall with dancing eyes. "So you want to do this again? I can con Logan into babysitting one night a week."

"Really?"

"Mm-hm. I have blackmail material that I threaten him with occasionally. Works every time."

"Oh, I'd like to hear this."

"Nope. Not unless he forces my hand. And so far he hasn't, so..."

Kendall finished the last of his breakfast with a satisfied sigh and leaned back. "So Logan doesn't date?"

"No. He was with some guy back in college and got his heart totally trampled, so he swore off dating and men and relationships. He won't even consider going on a date."

"That sucks. For him _and_ for Carlos. But he said Carlos was cute, so that's something, right?"

"He did," James smiled. "I had to force it out of him, but he admitted that. And then promptly ran away because it scared him that someone found him attractive."

Kendall shook his head. "Carlos is a good guy. A little much sometimes, kind of in your face with his enthusiasm, but you get used to it. And miss it when it's not around."

"People like that terrify Logan."

"Oh, well. I'll let Carlos down easy."

"Just make sure he knows it's not him." With barely a breath in between, James asked, "Kendall, what am I going to do to entertain a child for the next two weeks?"

Kendall had suspected that thoughts of Noah were just under the surface. James' anxiety was back, the fear that he was inadequate. "Ask him what he likes to do. You guys are going shopping today, right?"

"Definitely. That could take us hours."

"It's a good way to find out what he likes. Take him to lunch, maybe a movie or something. The most important thing is to discover his interests. Then it'll be a piece of cake."

"If you say so." James braced himself, then pushed away from the table. "Okay, I need to get dressed. I don't suppose there's any way I could convince you to drive out there with me to pick him up?"

"No," Kendall replied softly. "Because this is about the two of you and you need to learn each other. He needs to know he's the most important thing in your life. I'm just...a peripheral."

James stared intently across the table. "You're so much more than that."

Kendall wanted to be. He knew better than to get used to any of this, though, because Noah was going to completely upend James' life. "Go on. I'll take care of the dishes."

James looked away, but Kendall noted the disappointment in his gaze before he did. He wanted to reassure James and again held back because he refused to make promises he couldn't keep.

For now, they'd just have to continue with one step at a time.

* * *

"How will you get home from here?"

"The same way I do every day," Kendall smiled. James had held his hand for the entire drive and he squeezed now. "I'm fine, I promise."

"Okay." James pulled into a spot at Black Forest. "Think you could run back there long enough to show Carlos how to make my coffee? Or are you not allowed to when you aren't working?"

"I got this." After one more hand squeeze, Kendall let go and stepped out of the car. He reached into it for his backpack, James leaning over to pull his face closer for a kiss that they allowed to linger because deep down both were afraid it would be their last.

"When can I see you again?" James asked.

"You can stop by here anytime. We do serve cocoa, you know. For Noah."

James nodded slowly; that hadn't been what he was going for, but he knew it was the most he would get from Kendall at the moment. "Just...remember last night. And this morning. And know that whatever else is going on, I'll be missing you."

The sentiment touched Kendall's heart. "You'll be too busy to miss me," he grinned anyway.

James shook his head. "Somehow I don't think that's even possible."

Kendall let out a breath and stepped back to close the passenger door. They met near the hood, where James took his hand again and Kendall reveled in the feel of those leather gloves twining around his fingers. James held the door for him, earning himself a kiss on the cheek in passing.

The satisfied smirk Carlos greeted him with made Kendall blush and avert his gaze. "I'll get your latte ready so you can get out of here."

"Don't even think about paying for this one. You've done more than enough."

"If you insist." Kendall squeezed one last time, then let go so James could get into line while he joined Carlos behind the counter.

"Well, at least now I know why you stood me up for dinner," Carlos teased, not really angry.

"I'm so sorry. I meant to text you but we were busy and then I was going to text you after dinner and...well, we got busy then, too."

"Mm-hm. And I can tell by the way your face is so red that you were busy being naughty."

"Carlos!" Kendall hissed quietly, glancing around to make sure James didn't hear. James was messing with his phone as he stood patiently in line. "I was putting furniture together for Noah. We went and bought some stuff and had to set up his room. James is on the way to pick him up now."

Carlos picked up the next order and started on it. "Okay, but don't even tell me you didn't _get busy_ after all that. I can see it in your eyes, dude. You're in love."

"It's...complicated."

"How? You like him, he likes you. Was the sex great?"

"Carlos..."

"Come on, it's me you're talking to. You can tell me."

"I just don't want to think about it because it might not ever happen again. Can you pass me the whipped cream?"

Carlos did, then sneaked a glance over at James, who was at the register. "Is he scared?"

"Terrified. He asked me to go with him."

"Why don't you?"

"Because this is between them. It's important that they bond, you know?"

"Yeah." Carlos stepped away to pass off the order he'd been working on, then returned to watch Kendall sprinkle cinnamon over James' latte. "Corey messed _that_ up?"

"I'm telling you, he shakes too hard. So uh...you're still looking for a place to live, right?"

Carlos sighed, as if his living situation was the last thing he wanted to deal with. "I was thinking maybe I'd just stay where I'm at and get a new roommate when Corey moves out. Do you know anyone who needs a place?"

"No, but I know a place that needs someone. How would you like to live in a luxury penthouse downtown for free?"

"Free? Like no rent? No utilities?"

"Yep."

"That'll never happen."

"All you'd have to do is take care of a little boy from about eight at night until...well, I'm not sure what time. Probably like three A.M. But it would be at home, so it's not like you'd have to be awake the whole time. You could go to bed when the kid does. And he promised two nights a week off."

Carlos blinked a few times while staring at Kendall in shock. Kendall smiled and handed over James' latte just as he approached.

"I'm getting too used to this," James grinned. "You're spoiling me. Can you walk me out?"

"Of course. Be right there." He waited until James turned away and spun back to Carlos. "Just think about it, okay? He needs someone he can trust with his son, and I know you're that person. And you wouldn't even need to officially move in for a few weeks, because he's taking a vacation to get Noah settled in. Hang on, I gotta say goodbye." Kendall left Carlos' still-shell-shocked face behind to escort James to his car.

"Did you ask him?"

"I did," Kendall nodded. "He's thinking it over. I'll be in touch. Promise."

"Okay," James sighed, letting out a long breath full of nerves and tension. "Are you sure you won't go with me?"

"James, it's gonna be great. You already met and hit it off immediately, right?"

"Yeah. I just...meeting someone as your dad...and I'm sure he's wondering why he never saw me before this. I don't want to be that dad who badmouths a dead parent like 'Oh, your mother never told me about you because she's a bitch.' You know?"

"I know," Kendall nodded. "Hopefully they've explained it all to him. I think you'll have a blast shopping with him."

"You said you work here tonight?"

"Yep. Stop in for hot cocoa if you need to. I'll be here."

Having just opened the car door, James stopped to stare at Kendall over it and shook his head. "You really are magical."

"Magical?"

"Yeah. You just...all of this I'm dealing with, it's so much. _Too_ much. But with you I feel like I can handle it. Sort of? You just give me hope that maybe it'll be okay."

"It'll be better than okay." Kendall leaned over the door to kiss James softly. "A week from now you'll be amazed that you ever considered walking away from him. He _is_ going to change your life, but definitely for the better."

"Just like you did. You've been here all along, but still it's like you suddenly appeared out of thin air to save me just when I needed you."

"Just call me Mr. Wizard," Kendall grinned. He couldn't resist one more kiss, closing his eyes to commit it to memory. "Thank you for last night."

"It was so much more than I imagined it could be."

"Yeah. Once you figure out if and how I fit into all of this, you know where to find me."

"There's no if, Kendall. There's only when and how. Because you most definitely have a place in my life. In _our_ life. That's how I have to think of it now, right? Isn't that what you said?"

"I did say that," Kendall nodded, remembering their conversation on the drive over. "It's not just you anymore, James. You're not alone. And he won't be, either."

"Okay. Okay, I got this. I'm gonna go bring my son home."

"Go get him, Dad."

"Stop, that's still so weird!"

"It's who you are now." Kendall teased James' mouth with his own. "And it's who I'm falling in love with."

"Oh god," James breathed, their kiss shifting into something deeper that took them both back to a dark room where James had danced over Kendall's lap. "Don't you dare get me hard when I'm about to go pick up my son."

"Too late," Kendall grinned. "Go. Text me if you need to. I'm just gonna spend the day catching up on schoolwork before I come back here."

"Fine, but you owe me!"

Kendall watched as James pulled out of the parking spot, hoping he'd get the chance to make up for that. Wondering if James had been able to read that he was terrified he wouldn't. For all of Kendall's jokes and teasing, his heart broke at the idea that James was driving out of his life instead of just this parking lot.

"Please come back to me," he whispered. "I don't want to go back to what we were before."

* * *

As soon as Carlos had made Kendall's coffee, he asked for his break. Annie waved him away, and then he rushed into the breakroom where Kendall was waiting.

"Here." He set down the coffee. "No breakfast today?"

"James cooked for me. He's incredible in the kitchen."

"Probably in the bedroom, too, eh?"

"Stop it," Kendall blushed.

"Okay, but we can't just ignore that you broke your rule for him. You've _never_ broken that rule."

"I know, I know. But it was mostly because we don't know if we'll see each other again once Noah gets settled in. He'll be a full-time dad, you know?"

"So what? Dads can date. Now tell me what you were talking about out there. Is he serious about hiring me as a...nanny, I guess? And why would he do that when he doesn't even know me?"

"Because I suggested you when he mentioned needing someone. You're great with kids, Carlos."

"With my own family, sure. This kid's a stranger."

"Obviously you'd meet him first, make sure you two hit it off okay. James doesn't know a lot about him yet but we know that he's smart and he likes to read."

"And?"

"And...that's about all. Except for the fact that his mother just died and his entire world is being turned upside down. He'll need someone he can cry to when he gets scared."

"That's what James is for."

"James is...new at this. He hasn't really been around a lot of kids."

"Only child?"

"I didn't ask. I'd bet on that, though, because he said he's pretty much alone."

Carlos considered that, reaching for a muffin he'd brought in. "Is he serious about the no rent and no utilities thing?"

"Totally. And he'd probably cook for you, too. Trust me, dude, you don't want to miss out on that."

"I don't know, man. He kind of scares me. I mean, think about the way he was with Corey. Imagine if I make a mistake with his kid, how much worse it would be. I don't know if I want to deal with that."

Kendall sipped at his coffee, unsure what to say on that topic; Carlos wasn't wrong. "We talked a little about that. His biggest issue with people like Corey is that he expects people to know their jobs. If we explain to him that this is all a bit new to you and you're learning as you go, I think he'd be cool with you. And honestly you don't have anything to worry about, Carlos. You really are amazing with your siblings."

"Yeah, but I _know_ them."

"And in time, you'll know Noah. Just think about it, okay? I know you've been stressing out about the roommate situation, and this is the answer to all of your prayers." Inspiration struck. "Besides, I bet you'd get to see Logan more often."

Carlos sat up straighter, suddenly more interested. "You think so?"

"They _are_ best friends. He made a comment about how he could easily get Logan to come over and babysit if he needs to."

"But with me there, he won't need to."

"What if it's your night off and you just happen to be hanging around the apartment while Logan's there to take care of Noah?"

Carlos' teeth toyed with his bottom lip as he imagined that. "He didn't really seem into me."

"Okay, so about that. James says he doesn't date. At all."

"No?" Carlos' face fell. "Why not?"

"Because he got his heart broken years ago and is afraid to open it up again. I think the right guy could change that, though. Don't you?"

"Kendall, please. I'm not the right guy. He deserves someone smarter, like him. Someone he can talk to about all that energy stuff."

"He can't talk to you about that?"

"Not if he wants someone who can engage in actual conversation. I'd just be sitting there like 'Whoa, that's cool! Tell me more!'"

"What's so wrong with that?"

"Dude, come on. Don't...what's the word?"

Sipping at his cappuccino, Kendall shrugged. "I'm just telling you what might happen. Who says he doesn't like to educate people? And you love to learn."

"I don't really learn, though. I just like to hear people talk about that stuff. It gets me hot."

Kendall smirked. "And you think he'd view that as a bad thing?"

"Yes, if he isn't into me. Stop trying to use him to sway me!"

"Okay, okay," Kendall laughed. "I'll back off. But that doesn't mean that everything I just said isn't true."

"Whatever." Having finished his muffin, Carlos leaned back in the chair and rubbed his hands over his face. He glanced at the clock and said, "I only have five more minutes. Was there anything else? Can you tell me about your night or is that secret?"

"It's..." Kendall sighed. "It was amazing. Perfect. He's nothing like what I imagined, and yet at the same time he's exactly what I imagined. It's hard to explain."

"Obviously he's totally into you."

"Totally. Which...that's crazy, right? Turns out he's been wanting to date me for as long as I have him. We were both just scared to go for it. And now we did and..."

"Come on, man, stop assuming the worst! If you both really like each other, you can make this work."

"That's what he said, basically. But I don't think he understands just how much Noah's gonna change his life. His habits. And when he's not working, it'll be all about Noah. Because that's how it is when you're a parent."

Carlos frowned. "So does he work nights, then? I'm assuming?"

Kendall nodded, adding nothing more. Carlos knew him well enough to know there was more to it. "What sort of job would keep him out until three in the morning?"

"He's a...he dances. For men."

Carlos' eyebrows shot up. "Dances? Like...stripping?"

"Yeah."

The way Kendall answered had Carlos studying him harder. "That really bothers you."

"It's not so much the stripping as...I don't like the idea of other dudes staring at him like that. He says they don't touch him at all but I mean...he's fucking grinding on them, Carlos. How am I supposed to not let that bother me?"

"Did you tell him how that makes you feel?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"He um...he said some really amazing things that I wish I could believe in."

"You don't? You think he's lying?"

"No, I think he meant it all. I just...I'm afraid to believe that this is all going to work out the way I want it to. Like some fairy tale where we all live happily ever after. I can tell he's falling for me; he actually admitted it."

"So what's the problem?"

"Everything's gonna change."

"So you change with it. You guys figure out how to still be together."

"Okay, but you know how I am in a relationship. I'm clingy and possessive and I get way too into the person I'm in love with. James doesn't need that right now, he needs someone who can take a backseat and be fine with not being number one. I don't even know if I'm capable of that."

"You are," Carlos nodded. "I'm not gonna lie, you _are_ intense when it comes to boyfriends. Not that you've had a lot, but when you do..."

"Exactly." Kendall let out a groan and finished his coffee. "This is never gonna work."

"It is, because I think it'll be different with a kid. You won't get jealous of that. You'll be what James needs and if I know you, you'll end up being a stepdad before the week is out. James won't even need me."

"Yes he will, because I'm busy all the time. And that's another thing, weekends are his busy time and that's when I'm actually free. This is doomed to fail, Carlos."

"Oh my god, stop it. Quit being scared to take a chance. I thought you were past this with him!"

"I'm just scared to get used to something that isn't going to happen."

"Well it sure as hell won't happen if you don't let it!"

"Ugh, you're so annoying."

"Because I'm right, jerkface. I have to go back now. What are you doing today?"

"Heading home to shower and study. I missed classes last night and need to find out what we covered and I'm a little worried I might've lost the internship; I mean, who misses their second day on the job?"

"Shit happens, Kendall. Life happens. People understand. Go home and forget about all of this for a few hours, lose yourself in whatever it is you study. I'll see you when you come in later. When are you supposed to see James again?"

"We didn't set up anything. I told him to bring Noah in for hot cocoa if he wants to."

"He will," Carlos grinned. "I guarantee it. You'll probably be the first person to meet that kid. Before Logan, even."

"You should hang around after work for awhile. You might meet him, too."

Carlos shrugged. "Not like I have anything better to do. So was there anything else I need to know about this job offer?"

"Uh...oh, there is one thing. You'd probably end up sleeping on a pull-out couch in the living room," Kendall cringed. "There are only two bedrooms."

Carlos thought that over. "Well, for free rent and utilities, it might be worth it. It's not like I really have a love life I'd need privacy for anyway."

"Yet," Kendall smirked. "We'll see what happens when Uncle Logan starts visiting more often."

"Shut up, dude! Don't even get my hopes up like that!"

Kendall laughed as Carlos left the breakroom. He felt a tiny bit better about the whole situation after talking to Carlos, just like he always did. There was a reason Carlos was his best friend.

Now if he could just figure out how to handle a prospective boyfriend who was also a dad.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N—Happy Wednesday! I won't have time to post another chapter until probably the weekend, so I decided to do this now. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.

* * *

Kendall had been at work for approximately two hours when Carlos leaned across the counter. "Your man's here."

"What?" Kendall looked past him to see James approaching the entrance, one hand resting on the shoulder of a blond boy to steer him toward the door. A smile was plastered to James' face, but Kendall knew immediately that he was on the verge of a breakdown. "Shit. Glenn! I'm taking my break!"

"Monica's not back yet. Five minutes," was the reply.

"I need to go now!"

James and Noah were now inside the building, and it gave Kendall a feeling of pride that Noah was staring around in wonder at the decor. It really did feel like being inside a cabin.

"Fix his drink first," Carlos suggested. "Then you can take it to their table."

"If they stay." Feeling eyes on him, Kendall met James' gaze and saw that his initial observation had been correct; James was barely holding himself together as he stood in line behind Noah. "Hey," he mouthed, offering silent support. James' bottom lip trembled.

It was worse than Kendall had realized.

"Carlos. Go take Noah."

"What?! I don't even know the kid!"

"I don't care. Go take him to the table you were sitting at, they can join you there or something. I need two minutes alone with James."

Though it was obviously the last thing he wanted to do, Carlos followed orders and approached them in the line, James greeting him with a fake smile before introducing him to Noah. Kendall wasn't able to watch the interaction closely, as he was busy putting orders together, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he caught sight of Carlos leading Noah to a table. Then he went to work on what he assumed would be James' order, glad when it showed up and he'd guessed correctly.

James moved to the pick up counter. "You doing okay?" Kendall asked softly.

There was no verbal answer, just a shake of that beautiful face filling up with tears.

"Here. Take that to Noah, then come back." When James glanced back behind him, Kendall added, "He's fine with Carlos. I swear."

"It's not that, it's..."

"James. Breathe. It's gonna be okay."

James seemed to disagree. He put on that smile again and approached the table. Kendall watched as the cup was set in front of Noah, who didn't look up. Maybe he was just shy.

Finally Monica returned. Kendall wasted no time, picking up James' latte and motioning with his head for James to join him. After squatting down to say something to Noah, James squeezed his shoulder and hastened toward Kendall, who led him to the breakroom. The second they were alone, James broke down. Kendall hugged him tight, letting him cry it out and keeping him close until James was able to function.

"He hates me," James choked out against Kendall's neck.

"James, he doesn't—"

"He does, he fucking hates me. He won't even look at me, won't talk to me. I ask him questions and he just...nothing. He says okay and won't look at me and Kendall, why the fuck did I ever think I could do this?!"

"Babe. Relax."

"It's like he's terrified of me! What happened to that kid I met in the bathroom? He fucking said goodbye to me, smiled at me, thanked me! Now he won't even look at me!"

"It's okay, calm down."

"It's not okay!" James wrenched himself away, spying the latte and grabbing at it while wiping a hand across his eyes. "My own fucking kid hates me! I'm tempted to take him back home right now and just let him be happy again."

"Stop that," Kendall chastised gently. "Sit." James did, still wiping at his eyes, but he seemed a tiny bit better after taking a drink. "We talked about this, remember? How scary the first few weeks would be for him? How you're virtually a stranger but that's not going to last?"

"But I'm not a stranger! He liked me fine yesterday!"

"Yesterday you were just some random dude in a bathroom. Today you're his father, taking him into the unknown and away from everything familiar in his life. Of course he's terrified."

"But I'm doing it all wrong. He hasn't smiled once, he barely even opens his mouth."

"Have you taken him home yet?"

"Yeah, that's the first place we went. I showed him his room, introduced him to Harvey, offered to make him lunch..."

"How was he with Harvey?"

"The same. He won't look at anyone. I thought for sure Harvey would get through, that guy's great."

"I think it's just all the changes. I mean, he found out yesterday he was going to live somewhere new and with a stranger. It's scary, James."

"I know. I get that. I didn't expect we'd be best buddies within a few hours or anything. But I thought he'd at least talk to me."

"Did you go shopping yet?"

"I tried. I thought maybe that would get him to open up, you know? Take a kid into a store and tell him 'anything you want, it's yours.'"

"Oh, James," Kendall chuckled. "How much did you spend?"

"Like fifty bucks. I'm not even kidding, fifty fucking dollars because he wouldn't pick anything out. Half that money was on a new blender I've been needing. I told him I'd make us smoothies and he didn't even blink. I've tried to get him talking and _nothing_. He just keeps saying 'okay' or shrugging and I can't...Kendall, I can't do this." The latte was slammed down onto the table. "I can't fucking _do_ this."

"You can. It hasn't even been one day, you have to give him time." James shook his head vehemently, as if Kendall was speaking nonsense. "What was the other half spent on?"

"Books. There was a rack of kids' books near the checkout, and I saw him look at it. So I took him over and told him to pick stuff out. At first he seemed scared to even do that, but I told him whatever he wants so he grabbed like four books."

"Okay, so you already know something about him. He likes to read."

"I knew that before. This isn't anything that's going to help me."

"I think it is. Use books to talk to him."

James pushed out a frustrated sigh. "In case you didn't know this about me, I'm not much of a reader. Books are more Shannon's thing. If it doesn't have to do with cooking, I want nothing to do with it."

"So use that. Let him look through your cookbooks and pick out what he wants to eat."

"That's my point, though, Kendall! I tried that at the store and got nowhere. He won't pick anything out. I feel like a monster with him, like he thinks I'm gonna hurt him or something."

"Babe." Kendall hugged James to his side, James snuggling into the safety of the embrace. "You just have to give it time. I promise he'll come around."

"What if he doesn't? What if he just hates me forever? What if he cries himself to sleep every night wishing he was back with his grandparents?"

Kendall had no answer for that. Instead he pulled James closer and turned him for a soothing kiss.

"There you go again, kissing me when I'm freaking out."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No," James admitted. "It's the best. You're just...so perfect. Wait, I bet he'd like you."

"What?"

"I'm serious! Nobody could hate you! Come on, come meet him, just make him smile once."

"James, I'm a stranger, too. He's not going to like me."

"Yes, he will. I bet he likes Carlos. It's just me, the problem is me."

"The problem is not you, stop saying that." Kendall slid his phone out and texted Carlos.

" _How's it going out there?"_

" _I'm dying. The kid hates me."_

Kendall nudged James. "See? It's not just you. Noah's just shy and scared. He'll warm up to you, babe."

James' lips tugged up. "You know, every time you call me that, I want to take you home and cook for you again."

"Babe?" Kendall grinned.

"Yeah. It sounds...permanent. You can say whatever you want about not wanting to rush into anything, but I'm already your boyfriend in your mind."

"Wishful thinking."

"Wishes do come true, you know."

Kendall pressed his lips to James'. "So you've said."

"When things calm down, will you come over and let me cook for you again?"

"We'll see how it goes."

"I fucking hate that answer."

"It's all you're getting from me right now."

"What if I sweeten the deal with that all-night blowjob I still owe you?"

Kendall stood up and pulled James by the hand toward the door. "Come on, let's go rescue Carlos."

"That's a yes."

"It's a 'we'll see how it goes.'"

Before Kendall could open the door, James had him pressed up against the wall and was kissing him the way they did during sex. Kendall fought to stay upright while trying and failing to control his response. After stepping back with a satisfied smile, James said, "That's _definitely_ a yes."

Kendall offered no answer either way.

* * *

He refused to go over and meet Noah, explaining to James that it would only overwhelm the boy more. "But you're the person I want him to meet most!" James argued, and Kendall held his ground.

"I need to stay someone non-threatening until he relaxes. For now, I'm just some dude who works at the coffeehouse."

"Kendall, I told you, you're more than a peripheral."

"For you, maybe. Not for Noah. At least not yet."

"Why are you being like this? I thought you wanted this to go somewhere."

"I do," Kendall quietly assured James with the counter now separating them. "But right now your focus needs to be Noah. And what Noah needs is a place where he can feel safe."

"I'm telling you, if there's anyone who can make him feel safe, it's you. I speak from experience."

That comment was enough to get Kendall wanting to kiss James again, but he held back. "Go on. I have to work."

"Fine," James pouted before moving back to the table and sitting stiffly next to Noah.

It wasn't long before Carlos floated over. "Dude, I've never met such a quiet kid."

"That's what James was telling me. He thinks it's just him and that Noah hates him."

"I feel bad for the kid, he acts like he's terrified to even breathe. Makes me want to fix him, you know?"

"I know," Kendall smiled, understanding that feeling all too well. He called out the name on an order, then moved to the next one. "So you want to take the job?"

"I don't know. We haven't even talked about it. And what if Noah never opens up to me?"

Kendall nodded. "Again, that's James' fear. Maybe together you two can get through to him."

"Maybe. I don't know, dude. I never had this problem with my siblings. But you know what he did like? That cocoa you made him. He wouldn't put it down once it cooled off enough to drink."

"I went a little crazy with the chocolate shavings," Kendall admitted. "And the whipped cream. At least we know he likes sweets. That's something that might help James."

As if hearing his name, the man called out to them. "Can we get another hot cocoa over here?"

"On the way!" Kendall yelled back, wondering if it was just a ploy to get him over there. He sighed; James wasn't going to let this go. "I guess I should meet him."

"Duh. Want me to take over so you can go hang out with them?"

"No, you're off already. Monica would never allow that. I'll just be a second, Glenn can cover me over here." Kendall passed over the drink he'd finished making, then started on the hot cocoa, preparing it exactly as he had before. "Hey uh, Glenn. I'm gonna take this over to the customer, can you cover me for a minute? Thanks."

"Remember, dude, just don't take it personally if he isn't friendly toward you," Carlos reminded him.

"It's fine. Why don't you grab James and set up a time to talk about the nanny thing?"

"Can't I just get his number from you?"

"Stop being afraid of him, he's not mean. He'll probably beg you to start tonight."

"Yeah, that's not happening."

Carlos reached the table first, asking James if they could step away to talk. It wasn't until James realized that Kendall was approaching that he said yes and stood. "I'll be right over there, Noah," he promised, pointing toward the counter. "Just going to talk to Carlos for a second."

Noah said nothing. Noah didn't even look up from the table. Something in Kendall broke a little, remembering how he'd felt when his father was suddenly gone from his life. It had taken more than a year for him to come even close to the boy he'd been before.

James' gaze moved from Noah to Kendall, the thoughts clear on his face. _"Please fix this!"_ Kendall used his fingers to gesture James away, and when he spoke it was in a voice he'd used on Katie whenever she was down; she'd told him numerous times how lame it was, yet it never failed to make her smile. It was a cross between Yosemite Sam and a blustery old British dude, and came out before Kendall even realized he was going to use it. "I say, I say, did someone order a hot chocolate over here?" He looked around at all the tables as if lost, gaining the attention of more than just Noah, who looked up in surprise. "You there?" Kendall asked a woman bent over a laptop. Acting as if he was a crazy person, she shook her head. "Not you? Then it's got to be you, kind sir!" Another man had been watching, and he quickly looked away when Kendall's gaze fell on him. "Well...I say, I guess I just have to drink it myself then. Nothin' like a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream to warm my cockles. Why I remember back in the war, we'd sit around the fire and—" He stopped speaking, feeling Noah's eyes on him, then suddenly spun around. Noah immediately looked away.

"You, sir. You look like a man who knows about hot chocolate. This fer you?"

Noah's head came up again, and there was the slightest nod before he stared back down at his lap.

"Well then." Kendall set the cup down, then slid onto a chair across from Noah. He leaned closer and confided, "You remember them war days, I reckon?"

Noah reached for the cup but shook his head.

"Nights were cold, days were hot, and we marched. Oh lord, did we march. From Timbuktu to—what, you don't believe me?"

Now Noah studied Kendall, only briefly but it was something. He shook his head again, taking a sip from the cup.

Kendall sighed as if giving up the act. "Was it the accent?" he asked in his own voice. "Too much?"

Noah's head moved from side to side.

"Well, I know they definitely marched from Timbuktu during the war. Okay, I give. What's the problem here?"

"Too young."

"Too young?"

Noah nodded.

"Darn, I'll have to work on that. Maybe use my real appearance. This is just a disguise, you know."

Hazel eyes that were a match to James' drifted to Kendall's face before roaming the rest of him.

"I have to fit in," Kendall whispered, "or people might figure out the truth about me. You're too smart, you already saw through me. I knew I'd mess up eventually."

Noah continued to sip at the cocoa as if uninterested, but Kendall felt that his curiosity was piqued and leaned across the table. "Can I trust you?"

Now he had Noah's attention. The boy held on tight to the cup, his gaze glued to Kendall's.

"It's a secret, though. Nobody can know, not even your family. I wouldn't be telling you, except that you're already on to me. Can I trust you?"

The blond head nodded rapidly.

Kendall looked around as if to make sure nobody was listening. He caught James and Carlos watching from near the counter, tossing James a wink before returning his focus to Noah. "Okay, I think I'm clear. I have to be careful, you know. The forces of evil are always at work."

Noah's eyes widened and he nodded again, as if he knew all about the forces of evil.

"I'm a wizard, Noah." It was delivered with a straight face, in a voice hushed and serious.

Doubt crept into Noah's eyes. "Wizards don't exist."

"Well, of course we can't go around telling people all the time, we have to keep it a secret! That's why nobody believes in us. Surely you've heard of wizards, though?"

"Wizards are old and have long beards and white hair."

"Which is why I'm wearing this disguise. I have to blend in."

Noah's gaze narrowed on Kendall. "How did you know my name?"

"I know everybody's name. Like Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus doesn't exist, either. My mom told me."

Kendall couldn't hold in a scoff. "Your mom's wrong."

"My mom's..." The hazel clouded over as Noah looked down.

"I know about your mom," Kendall said gently. "And I know this is a new place for you, but I'm here to help you. I wasn't supposed to tell you my true identity. I hope I don't get in trouble for that. You figured it out on your own, though. Because you're smart."

Noah chanced a glance around the room, looking for his father. James was staring back and again looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Listen, Noah. You keep my secret and I'll make sure you stay safe, okay? Anytime you need me, just tell your dad. Or tell him you want some of my hot cocoa. I made it special for you. See that guy over there with your dad?"

Noah looked over again. "That's Carlos."

"Yeah. Carlos isn't a wizard, but he's here to help you, too. We're both working here undercover."

"Just for me?"

"Just for you."

"Does he know you're a wizard?"

"No, and you can't tell him. He does know I'm here for you, though. We took an oath to protect you."

Noah swallowed. "You'll keep me safe?"

"Promise. Come see me whenever you need to."

Noah nodded, and Kendall felt him withdrawing again but that was okay. He'd made progress. Noah would go home and think about all of this, draw his own conclusions. Now Kendall just had to wait and see how this would play out.

"I gotta get back to work, try to blend in some more. You won't tell anyone the truth about me, will you?"

This time Noah shook his head, eyes grave with the weight of the secret he was keeping.

"Knew I could count on you. Remember, if you ever need someone, I'm here."

With a last wink, Kendall turned away and rushed back toward the counter. In passing, he muttered, "Carlos, go talk to him. James..."

James got the hint and followed Kendall into the breakroom. "What the fuck did you say to him?"

"I'm sorry." Kendall spun around and reached for one of James' hands. "I know you're probably mad because he talked to me and he won't say two words to you, but—"

"Are you kidding me? I'm relieved! I knew he'd talk to you, I mean...who wouldn't? You just have this something about you that makes people trust you. Makes them want to know you."

"That's an exaggeration."

"No, it isn't. I've seen the way people flirt with you in the five seconds it takes for you to pass over a coffee. Nobody can resist you."

"People don't flirt with me! And wait, how would you even know? You're always on your phone!"

"You think that's not planned? You think I don't purposely return calls when I come in here because I'm afraid if I don't, I'll end up throwing myself at your feet and begging for you to love me?"

Kendall was derailed from his train of thought by that comment, stunned for a moment before asking, " _That's_ why you're always on your phone?"

"Yes," James admitted, looking down and away. "Every time I saw you I wanted to know you, but I was afraid I'd say something stupid and ruin it, so I made sure to be talking to someone else. The only reason I wasn't on it the day we finally did talk was because you hadn't been here the day before, so I thought maybe you wouldn't be again. Then I saw you and I was just so relieved that you still worked here that I didn't care, I finally just had to talk to you. And...well, here we are."

Without warning Kendall dragged James closer by the hand, reaching up to cup his cheek as he planted a brief but heartfelt kiss to James' lips. James sighed into it, his free arm snaking around Kendall's waist and pulling him close. "I can't handle not having this every day," James stated when the kiss broke. "You talked to him, you're good now, right? You can come over and hang out with us?"

"Not yet," Kendall breathed, forcing his brain back to the matter at hand. He backed away from James, needing the distance to think. "You two need that time to get to know each other."

"We can do that while you're at work and school."

"James...no. I'm sorry, but right now he's okay with me because I'm someone outside of it. He should trust Carlos now, though. I hope."

James' gaze narrowed. "What did you say to him?"

"Nope, gotta have _some_ secrets," Kendall smirked. "But he knows this is a safe place for him, and that's what he needs most right now. To feel safe."

"And if you come home with us, he'll feel safe there."

"He needs to feel safe no matter where he is as long as you're there."

James bit his lip. "But he already feels safe with you?"

"Hopefully. You just need to give it time, James. Take him home, cook him dinner, let him sit somewhere and read his books."

"Did he say anything to you about the books? About...anything?"

"Uh...his mom told him that Santa doesn't exist."

James' jaw dropped before he spun away with a curse. "Fucking Shannon. Of course she did. She ruined that for me and Logan, too. The kid's five years old, he needs something to believe in!"

"Well, I hope you don't get mad at me, but I told him Shannon was wrong."

James shook his head, frustrated. "Imagination was something Shannon never really had. I always felt like her mother beat it out of her."

"Beat...like...did she beat Shannon?"

"No. Sorry. It was just an expression. Though honestly with that woman I wouldn't be surprised." After a bracing breath, James nodded. "Okay. That's what I'll do. I'll try to get him to tell me what he wants for dinner, and then I'll cook for him. Maybe I can rent a movie or find something for us to watch later."

"Try something with wizards."

James looked up. "Wizards?"

Kendall shrugged. "Just a hunch. Nothing too childish, he seems mature for his age. Maybe some Lord of the Rings stuff."

"Logan loves that shit. I wonder if I could get him over for dinner. I bet Logan could get him talking."

"Do what you gotta do." Kendall leaned closer for another peck to soft lips that he was quickly growing addicted to. "I have to get back to work." He was suddenly wrapped up in a tight embrace.

"Thank you. I don't know what you said, but thank you for at least getting him to talk. You're here in the morning?"

"Yeah. Come see me before you take him out on whatever adventure you have planned."

"I was thinking the zoo. He'll probably like learning about all the animals. Maybe he'll even teach me some things about them."

"See? You're already figuring out how to reach him. It's gonna be okay, James."

James' arms squeezed. "Why is it that when you say that, I believe it?"

Kendall smirked. "Because I'm right."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N—Happy weekend. Not much to say here except I hope you enjoy this and thank you for reading. :)

* * *

For all of Kendall's words about how it was best to stay away, the actual practice of that was torture. James and Noah were on his mind for most of his shift, and when he sat down to a lukewarm burger and fries that he'd grabbed on the way home, he desperately wished it was James' cooking in front of him. Still he resisted the urge to contact James, wanting to give them time to get closer.

He'd made it through the material missed in his previous evening's classes by the time he heard from James via text.

" _You still at work?"_

" _No, I've been home for hours. How's it going?"_

" _The same. He looked through my cookbooks but didn't pick anything. Everything I suggested got a shrug. He still won't talk to me. I can't stand this."_

" _Is he awake now?"_

" _Watching a movie. You were right, he's into the Hobbit stuff. He's glued to the TV."_

" _Where are you?"_

" _Kitchen. Cleaning up. Drinking my third glass of wine because my nerves are shot."_

" _Babe, you have to calm down. One step at a time, okay? Did he like what you cooked?"_

" _He ate it all. And when I offered, went for seconds. That's a good sign, right?"_

" _It is. Just remember that meal as one he likes. Maybe start a list."_

" _That's a good idea. I'll start a list of everything he likes. Can you come over? I'm putting him to bed when this movie is over. I need to decompress."_

God, Kendall wanted to. He'd spent two years seeing James for mere seconds each day and it had been enough; suddenly after one night together, he needed so much more. _"Not yet."_

" _When? I miss you so much."_

" _I miss you, too. But not yet."_

" _I need you."_

Kendall groaned, not sure what tone that text had been sent with but his mind heard it as if James was whispering in his ear. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of James on his lap in a dark room.

 _Noah's room. That's Noah's room now._

The realization cleared Kendall's head. He licked his lips and texted back. _"I need you, too. I promise when the time is right, I'll be there."_

" _But when will that be?"_

" _We'll know. Did you talk to him about the zoo?"_

" _It doesn't do me any good to ask him about things, he won't answer. I decided to just surprise him because I can read his reactions better than his words."_

 _"See, you're learning him already! So I'll see you both in the morning?"_

" _If you won't come over tonight, then I guess so."_

" _Babe, I'm sorry. I miss you, too."_

" _Then come over! He won't know you're here!"_

" _I can't take that chance, not yet. Trust me, okay?"_

" _You're fucking aggravating. If I didn't believe that you know what's best, I'd be so pissed at you right now."_

Kendall rubbed a hand over his face, finally giving in to the need to hear James' voice. He was surprised that it took James as long as it did to answer, wondering if he really was pissed. But when James picked up, the tone was soft and affectionate. "Hey."

"You okay?"

"I went into my room so we could talk. I'm sorry I'm being a dick, I just...I've never felt more like a failure than I do right now. Nothing I do or say works. And I know if you were here, it would be different. He likes you."

"I told you, that's because I'm an outsider. I'm not a threat."

"Why am I? I'm his fucking father, Kendall. I shouldn't be something to fear."

"You have all the power right now. He's scared of what you might do with it."

"I just want to love him!"

"I know, babe, and in time he'll understand that."

James' stuttered breathing was the only reply.

"I promise."

"I miss you."

They were back to that again, and the sincerity behind the words both warmed Kendall's heart and ripped it out at the same time. "I miss you, too. I promise that when the time is right, we can be together. It's just not time yet."

"You keep saying that, but—hang on."

Kendall waited, using the time to close his textbook and put away the notebook and pen he'd been using; he wouldn't be able to study anymore tonight. He could hear James talking in a gentle voice, smiling as he pictured his...could he call James his boyfriend?...in dad mode. "Of course, you don't have to ask, Noah. This is your home, you can do whatever you need to do, okay? Do you need help? Okay. Call me if you do, I'm right here." The tone changed. "Kendall?"

"Right here."

"He just asked if he can use the bathroom. He was terrified to even ask me that. My kid is afraid to use the bathroom in his own home." James was close to a breakdown.

"Babe...hey. You did good, you made sure he knows it's his home and he's free to do what he wants."

"Okay but what kind of kid can't even go to the bathroom without being scared? He was fine with it yesterday at the office, ran in and was all...normal. It's me, I'm the problem."

"It's the new place and the new life that's the problem. You're just part of all the uncertainty."

"Oh my god, he's gonna need a bath at some point. Kendall, I don't even know how to bathe my kid!"

"James. Listen to me. Are you listening?" Quiet sobs came through. "James."

"I can't do this. I'm taking him back tomorrow."

"You're not. You're going to take him to the zoo and watch him get excited over the animals. Don't you want to see that?"

"He won't, he'll just stare at the ground and not care."

"You know that kid is in there. You saw it. He's _in_ there, James. You just have to find him. And as far as a bath, ask if he needs help. He'll probably say no, but do what you just did. Tell him you're here if he does. Did you get Carlos' number?"

There was a grudging, "Yeah" that showed James didn't think it mattered.

"Call him. He'll tell you how to give the kid a bath."

"I shouldn't have to ask. Carlos isn't even a dad and he knows more than me about how to do it!"

"Because he's a brother. You're not, are you?"

James sniffed. "No."

"Well, at some point you'll meet Katie and then you'll be glad you're not."

The promise had the effect on James he'd hoped it would; it shocked James out of his terror. "Really? You want me to meet her?"

"I want you to meet my mom, too."

"Yeah? So you're giving us a chance?"

"I don't think I could walk away at this point. Not after last night."

"Thank you," James breathed, and for a few seconds he was at peace. "I promise I'll be the best boyfriend you ever had."

"I don't doubt that. We're gonna be okay, James. And so is Noah."

"Jesus, just fucking move in with me already."

Kendall couldn't fight a grin. "One step at a time, babe. Did Noah come out of the bathroom?"

"Yeah. He's back to watching the movie. The kid knows how to work my electronics better than I do."

"Smart kid, but we knew that. Listen, I need some sleep. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I don't know. I'm better now that I know you're not gonna disappear. Is Katie really that bad?"

"No," Kendall laughed. "She's the best. You're gonna love her, James. And she's gonna love Noah. Oh my god, my mother is going to want to babysit all the time."

"I really love the sound of that. It makes me feel less alone when you talk about our future together."

"You're not alone. I promise. Noah will grow to love you. Don't give up on him, James. Don't give up on yourself."

"Okay. Okay, you're right. I can do this."

"Forget the dishes. Go watch the movie with him. Even if he doesn't talk, be there. The more moments you share, the more you have in common."

James inhaled before letting out a long breath. "See you in the morning?"

"Absolutely. Goodnight, babe."

"Night. I'll be thinking of you when I'm in bed. Naked. Lost in more fantasies of you."

"You know what's great about that? We know they'll come true now. They're not just dreams anymore."

"I can't wait to see you again."

"Tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

"I love you. I don't care if it's too soon to say it. It's true."

And there James went in that blunt way of his, just saying what he was thinking. That didn't surprise Kendall, but his own reaction did as there was no hesitation. "I love you, too. Goodnight."

* * *

Friday mornings tended to drag a bit more than the rest at Black Forest; Kendall had decided it was due to the fact that there was no one to keep him entertained, as Carlos' usual days off were Friday and Saturday. The only good thing about them was that customers seemed in better spirits than most other days of the week, probably because the weekend was at hand.

Today there was something else to look forward to, and when Kendall spied James leading Noah into the place he smiled. His heart did that same flipflop thing that it always did upon his first glance at James of the day. James' gaze searched for him, hazel eyes warming when they found their target. It was a second before Kendall realized that Noah was doing the same thing—looking for him. When the same shade of hazel eyes reached him, Kendall winked. And then a miracle happened.

Noah smiled.

It wasn't much of a smile, really—nothing more than a slight lifting of the corners of his mouth. It was still a smile, though, and Kendall's heart flipped over again. Until this moment Noah had been James' son, and that still hadn't changed. What had was the acceptance that James wasn't going anywhere, that they were going to build a life together, and that that life would include Noah. Which meant that Noah was more than just "James' kid." He'd suddenly become a fixture in Kendall's future, the way James had.

Rather than scare him, the idea was...soothing. Yet also exciting. He remembered James' comment about sitting down to plan Noah's future.

" _And as much as I want to get used to that look, I can't get my hopes up that this is gonna last and that ten years from now we'll be sitting at that table discussing Noah's plans for college or to join the military or to...to..."_

James hadn't finished the thought because Kendall had kissed him. The memory of the moments that had followed the kiss warmed him now in a way that was reassuring. That future could be his, if he wanted it.

One more glance at James gently nudging his son closer to the counter was enough. Kendall _did_ want it, so badly he couldn't stand the distance anymore.

"Corey, you got this? I'm taking over register for a second."

"Whatever."

"And don't touch the order for James when it comes through."

"Trust me, I'm not ever serving that guy again."

Kendall grinned, moving across the counter to whisper to Gina. "I got the next customer."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

He moved in to finish up the current order she was taking, then smiled at the beautiful faces who stepped up next. Before James could say a word, he launched into his ridiculous old man accent.

"Well well well, if it isn't my old friend from the war! Welcome back, young lad! You'll be wantin' some of that hot chocolate on this fine mornin', I reckon?"

James' eyes grew round as he stared back in shock. Kendall ignored that, keeping his focus on Noah, who nodded but then leaned closer and lifted up onto his toes to see properly over the counter. Kendall bent down.

"You forgot the old man costume again!" Noah whispered.

"I...what?" Kendall stepped back, then looked down at himself before slapping a hand to his forehead. "I thought I grabbed it this time." He leaned in again and whispered back in his own voice, "Well, with old age the mind fails. Thanks for telling me, I probably looked like an idiot again. Guess I'll just have to play it cool." He cleared his throat and stood up straight, then looked politely across the counter at James and used his regular voice. "Hello, sir. What can I get for you today?"

After blinking a few times and looking back and forth from Noah to Kendall, James gave his order, then added, "And my son will have a medium hot cocoa."

"I already got that. We're old friends." He winked at Noah again, who started to giggle before cutting it off and looking up at James in fear. Kendall's heart broke for James, because he knew how much that fear killed his...yeah. Boyfriend. Definitely boyfriend.

"I had no idea," James smiled. "I guess it's time we met, then. Hi. I'm James."

Kendall nodded and reached across the counter to shake James' hand, glad it was bare this time so they could caress a bit before letting go. Even that simple touch set Kendall on fire. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine."

Fuck, if James didn't stop talking like that Kendall was going to lose it right here behind the counter. How was the man so seductive doing nothing more than greeting someone for the first time? Or...pretend first time, Kendall supposed.

"Will you two be dining in today?"

"Uh...that's up to Noah. We do have an adventure planned, but if he doesn't mind finishing up his cocoa here, I don't. Noah?"

Noah licked his lips nervously, torn. It was obvious he wanted to stay, but was also afraid to express any sort of opinion on the matter.

"We serve breakfast, if you're hungry," Kendall offered. "Unless your dad already cooked for you?"

Noah nodded, Kendall insanely jealous that he'd missed out on that meal. Between the beauty of James humming around his kitchen and the delectable food, he _knew_ what he was missing.

James spoke up. "Noah, why don't we grab a table and enjoy our drinks before we get going for the day? Is that okay with you?"

Noah nodded again, this time without hesitation. Kendall smiled and added three brownies onto the order. He'd pay James back for those later, and most likely without money. After he gave the total, James took care of that and then led Noah by the shoulder to what had become his favorite table.

Once Gina had taken over the register again, Kendall sent a text to James. _"Go along with me on this. By the way, you look really hot in that coat. I've been thinking that for two years."_

James caught his eye after reading the message, his brow quirking up over a smirk. Kendall's phone soon buzzed with a reply.

" _I look better out of it. But you know that. And now we're even because I'm picturing you naked, too."_

Kendall bit his lip. The teasing was definitely something he could get used to, as long as he knew that eventually it would be more. _"Go with me on this and I'll be naked in your bed by next week."_

" _Not good enough. I want you there tonight."_

" _Baby steps, beautiful. Let me make your drinks now."_

" _You think I'm beautiful?"_

" _Understatement."_

James smiled over at him, his face lighting up. Kendall's did the same.

After some quick thinking, he put his plan into action. All it took was a pass between the tables when Noah was looking down and James' back was to him for Kendall to slip a small bottle of orange juice in the pocket of James' jacket, which was now hanging on the back of his chair. He returned to his place behind the counter and put together both drinks, then grabbed three brownies from the glass display case before informing Corey that he was taking his break.

Noah looked up when Kendall approached the table bearing two cups and a small bag. "Here you are, gentlemen. One latte, one hot cocoa, and your brownies."

James frowned. "I didn't order any brownies."

"Surely you're mistaken? Or was it you that ordered them, my young friend?"

Noah's eyes widened before he shook his head adamantly as if afraid he'd get in trouble.

"Well, that means I messed up." Kendall squatted down so that he was leaning on the table with his arms crossed. "Don't tell my boss, okay? I really love this job and I need it, so please keep this between us. I can trust you with a secret, right?" he said to Noah, who immediately nodded. "Thought so. I guess you guys get to fight over the extra brownie. Have a great day!" He swung his knee to the right just hard enough to nudge James', hoping James would get the hint, then stood up.

"Wait. Why don't you take the extra brownie? You can join us here."

 _Bless you, James._ "Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Noah, would you mind if he joins us?"

Again, the answer was immediate, if silent. A shake of blond hair decided the matter.

"Well, it _is_ time for my break. But only if you guys are sure."

"Sit," James commanded. "We insist."

After tipping a wink to Noah, Kendall took a seat between them. "Thanks, guys. I'm starving. No one cooked me breakfast today."

James almost rolled his eyes at the subtle hint. "That's probably your own fault." He reached into the bag and pulled out one brownie, setting it on a napkin near Noah's cup, then did the same for Kendall. "You're gonna need something to drink."

"Oh, you're right." Kendall suddenly snapped his fingers, startling them both. "Uh...James, was it? Can you please pass me the orange juice that's in your pocket?"

James stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. "There is absolutely no orange juice in my pocket."

"Sorry, I wasn't clear. Your jacket pocket."

"Kendall, there's nothing in there, either."

"Yes, there is."

"No, I think I would know if—"

"Noah, would you be so kind? Thank you," he added when Noah hopped off the chair to bend down and reach into James' jacket. His face was lit up with a smile when he stood to set the bottle on the table. As if it was completely natural, Kendall reached over to pick it up and unscrew the cap. "Nothing like some O.J. with breakfast. Would you like some, Noah?"

"No thanks."

About to demand an explanation from Kendall, James' focus shifted when more than one word left Noah's mouth. He blinked at his son, then slowly his face swiveled back to Kendall, who was taking a swig from the bottle. "How did you do that?"

Kendall primly wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Do what?"

"You know what. That orange juice was not there when I sat down."

"It's a secret," Kendall grinned. He snuck in another wink at Noah before biting into his brownie. "These are okay, but my brownies are way better. I have a really _old_ recipe, if you know what I mean."

Noah got the point and giggled again, this time not stopping it right away. James looked over in awe.

"Will you two be in tomorrow morning?" Kendall asked. "I was thinking I might bake some brownies tonight. I could bring in a few for you, let you decide if mine are better."

James swallowed hard, lashes fluttering rapidly as he couldn't seem to stop blinking. "Or you could come to our place and we could all bake them together." His voice was shaky. "Tonight?"

"Oh, I'd love to but I have plans tonight that can't be changed." Kendall leaned in as if imparting a huge secret. "The forces of evil are always at work, you know."

James obviously had no idea what that was about, but seemed to recall that Kendall had school and nodded. "Perhaps...tomorrow? Sometime after work?"

Kendall hesitated, still not sure going into their home was a good idea just yet. He couldn't say no to the pleading in James' gaze, though. Again, he settled on, "I wouldn't want to intrude."

"I'll cook you dinner," James promised. "We could watch a movie after, or play a game, or...anything. Whatever you two want. I'll cook anything."

Sensing James' desperation, Kendall reached for his thigh under the table and squeezed in reassurance. "Only if it's okay with Noah. I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable."

"You can come," floated over from Kendall's left, the invitation somehow sounding excited and hesitant at the same time.

Both heads swung toward Noah, who looked down as if worried he'd spoken out of turn.

"Are you sure?" Kendall wondered, wanting to be certain this was something Noah truly wanted and didn't feel pressured into. When Noah nodded, Kendall smiled. "Okay, then. I guess we're baking brownies tomorrow. But eat this one so we can compare."

Noah dug into the one Kendall had brought over. Kendall mouthed "Bathroom. Go." to James, who nodded and stood up. "I'll be right back. Kendall, will you stay with Noah?"

"Of course. We've got a few things to discuss anyway. Memories of the war to relive, eh Noah?" Kendall nudged Noah, who giggled through a bite of brownie.

"I love you," James mouthed silently. Kendall pursed his lips into a kiss.

He waited until they were alone to ask Noah, "Hey, are you sure it's okay if I come over?"

"Yeah. You said you would protect me."

"And I will. That's why I want to be there. I'll make sure you're okay."

Noah nodded. "Where's Carlos?"

"He isn't working today. Or tomorrow. But he'll be here Sunday, if you guys stop in."

"Will you?"

"Not Sunday. Every other day I'm here."

Noah thought that over. "But Carlos is here Sunday?"

"For sure."

"Okay. He cooked tacos last night."

For a second Kendall was confused, thinking Noah meant Carlos. Then he realized Noah had changed the subject. "Were they good?"

" _Really_ good. I can tell him to cook that for you if you want."

Kendall smirked. "Is that what you want for dinner tomorrow? More tacos?" When Noah looked as if he'd been caught, Kendall laughed and ruffled his hair. "Tacos it is. Oh, he's coming back now. Shh! Remember, he can't know my secret!"

One look at James told Kendall he'd been crying; the need to hold him was almost impossible to resist. "Try the brownie," he coaxed.

James acquiesced before sipping at his latte. "Did I miss anything?"

"Not really. But I think I want tacos for dinner tomorrow night."

The chewing of James' second bite came to a halt. "So you are staying for dinner?"

"I am. And I hear you make fantastic tacos, so that's what I want."

James' mouth moved silently before he said, "Deal. Do you uh...would Spanish rice be good with that?"

Kendall glanced at Noah, who nodded slightly. "Yes, I think that would be perfect."

"Anything else you demand?"

This time when Kendall looked over, there was a brief shake of Noah's head. "That should be fine. Tacos, rice, and brownies. Sounds like a darn good day." At a pointed look from Gina, Kendall sighed. "I have to get back to work. But James, thank you for the invitation to dinner, and it was a pleasure to meet you. Noah? Have fun today. And make your dad take some pictures so you guys can show me tomorrow, okay?"

Noah smiled, looking forward to that even though he had no idea what was in store for him on his adventure.

"I'll see you guys in the morning."

James grabbed his arm before he could get away, using another handshake as an excuse to touch Kendall. "Thank you. For the brownies."

"Thanks for not reporting me to my boss."

"Like I'd do anything to put my chances of seeing you in jeopardy." Kendall lifted a brow as if to warn him that was a bit much to say in front of Noah, so James added, "I mean, you're the only one who makes my coffee the way I like it."

"Glad I can do that for you." The pull to kiss James was so strong that he had to walk away, taking the trash with him. "Enjoy your adventure!" he called back.

Five minutes later a hiss came from the the hallway leading to the restrooms. "Kendall!"

Gina heard it and smirked over at Kendall from the register. "Your boyfriend's calling you."

Kendall grinned and walked across the space, slowing as he passed behind Gina to say, "He actually _is_ my boyfriend now."

She gasped. "Get it, Knight!"

When Kendall reached the opposite end of the counter, he leaned over it to peek around at James, who was standing in the hallway. "Where's Noah?"

"Bathroom. There's so much I want to say to you and I don't have time for all of it so let me start with I love you."

Kendall's heart melted. "Are you okay? I know you were crying."

"It was happy crying. That's the first time I've ever heard him laugh. Did he really say that about my tacos?"

"He loved them, James. Hinted to me that he wanted them again. Keep doing what you're doing, babe, I promise it's working."

"Why can't he tell me that?"

"Because he's still scared. But he's warming up."

"I saw you ruffle his hair. You fucking ruffled his hair and he laughed. Kendall...you make my son _laugh._ Please move in with us."

"Let's just get through dinner and brownies, okay? And call me tonight, tell me about the zoo!" While he could, Kendall bent closer to peck a kiss to James' lips.

"What was that stupid accent? And the war shit? And how in the hell did you do that with the orange juice?"

Kendall shrugged. "Magic."

"Kendall, seriously. How?"

Noting Noah approaching, he whispered, "Maybe one day I'll share my secrets with you, too."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N—I managed to get a bunch written this morning, so you get a chapter! And let me apologize now for where I stopped this chapter. It was the best place to break it before launching into Carlos' story (that will make sense when you get there).

Again, the love from you guys for this story just makes my year. Thank you so much for the reviews and for letting me know you're enjoying it!

* * *

" _Are you still in class? I really need to talk."_

Kendall didn't see the text until his class let out, but he was relieved to note the time as only fifteen minutes previous. He answered, _"I have a half hour before my next class. Can I call?"_

His phone buzzed with an incoming call almost immediately after he sent the message. Kendall declined it, then texted, _"I need five minutes to buy dinner and then I'm yours."_

" _Okay. And for the record, I love the sound of that."_

Kendall grinned; he did, too.

Suddenly he wished he had a car to sit in and eat so that he could have privacy while talking to James. In the end he settled for the steps leading to his next class' building, figuring that at least people passing wouldn't be stationary. It wasn't going to be easy eating a burrito one-handed, but for James he'd manage. "Hey, beautiful," he smiled when James answered the call. "You doing okay?"

"Yes and no? Am I bothering you?"

"Nope, I'm just eating, so ignore any chewing sounds. Talk to me."

"How's class tonight?"

"James, you didn't call me to talk about my classes."

James sighed. "I just don't want to be that boyfriend where it's always about me. I feel bad about that."

"Well, the good news is that since you're my favorite thing, you happen to be a subject I don't mind discussing constantly." The comment was met with silence that stretched out too long. "Babe? You're not crying, are you?"

"No," James replied, obviously trying to hide that at the very least, his eyes were watering.

"I'm sorry." Kendall really wasn't. "I just want to make sure you understand that I'm here for you and don't see you as a burden. I _like_ that you talk to me when you need someone. I'm sure I'm not the only one, you have Logan too, and—"

"It's different. You know that, right? He's so busy all the time and he's just...not...he's _so_ great. But he's not..."

"I know." Feeling guilty for taking pride in that, Kendall sipped at the root beer he'd picked up with the burrito. "So talk to me. How was the zoo?"

"You know...I thought it was kind of a disaster. I mean there were some good things too, and—wait, hang on, I'm so sorry. Be right back."

"It's fine."

"In my room. What's up?" he heard James call out. "Yeah, there are some chips up in the cupboard. Some cookies too, but I don't want him eating more sweets today, we kind of went overboard with that between Black Forest and the zoo. And not too much, I'm starting dinner soon!" After a brief pause James was back. "Sorry, you there?"

"I'm here. You have company?"

"Yeah, Uncle Logan is helping him turn his room into space. We got some glow-in-the-dark stars and planets. I was right, he totally is like Logan with the smart shit. Not that he'd ever tell me that. I have to really study him to learn what he likes and doesn't."

"He still won't talk to you?"

"Nope."

"Logan?"

"Nope."

"Really."

"Yeah, I thought maybe he'd take to Logan the way he did to you, but...they're just in the room quietly decorating. Logan's really trying with him, and when I peek in I can tell Noah's having a good time. He just acts like he's not."

"That's improvement, right?"

"I don't know. I'm so mentally exhausted. But I only have you for another...what, twenty minutes?"

"About that. So tell me about today."

"Okay, so we went to the zoo. He was quiet again after we left you, but I was fine with that. When we turned into the zoo, I could tell he was excited. Like his eyes were all big and he was looking around the parking lot like trying to see stuff? So I asked if he'd ever been to a zoo. He shook his head. I felt like the best fucking dad ever, dude, he was so excited. He just...wouldn't say anything."

"Babe, I love that you can tell now. That you've learned him enough to know without him saying it."

"I really thought once we were inside, he'd open up. That he'd be too excited to keep quiet, you know? But he didn't. He was the same. I could tell he was enjoying most of it, but when I tried to talk to him or joke with him or asked what he wanted for lunch, nothing had changed. He still won't fucking talk to me and barely even looks at me. Since we were in a crowded place I held his hand a lot and he didn't like it. I kept feeling like he wanted to run from me and I can't...Kendall, why? What's so wrong with me? I'm trying so hard, and nothing works, he just hates me."

"Hey," Kendall soothed, hearing that James' voice was getting thicker with tears. "Just because he doesn't say it, doesn't mean he isn't feeling it. Remember, it's not going to happen overnight. Trust takes time."

"I'm not a patient person!"

"Well, that's the biggest lesson you'll have to learn as a parent. Patience. You'll be a pro by next week." A deep sigh filled Kendall's ear. "So he did actually enjoy the zoo?"

"I wasn't sure. Sometimes I thought he was enjoying it, like when we got to the lions. He seemed really interested in a lot of it, but the lions especially. He stopped and read every plaque about them, though I'm sure he didn't understand all the big words. Then again, who knows? Maybe he did. Before we left I took him to the gift shop and we bought a few things. He actually picked something out when I told him to, so that's something."

"It is. Was it a lion?"

"It was. He now has a huge stuffed lion to watch over him when he sleeps. He also picked out something else, but I can't tell you about that."

Kendall frowned. "You can't? Why not?"

"Because, dumbass, it's a surprise."

No words came right away, Kendall's chest filling with feeling.

"You'll find out tomorrow. We're taking it to the coffeehouse with us. When's a good time to catch you on your break?"

"You got me something?" Kendall still wasn't past that.

"He picked it out. It was my idea, and let me tell you something, Mr...wait, what's your last name?"

"Uh. Knight. With a K."

"Well if that isn't the most appropriate thing I've ever heard...anyway, let me tell you that when I asked him if he wanted to pick out a souvenir for you, his face fucking lit up. It was the happiest I saw him all day."

"Really?" Now it was Kendall getting choked up.

"Seriously. Apparently my son sees in you what I do. We've got that much in common."

"You guys didn't have to get me anything."

"It was a bonding moment. I'd pick up things and ask 'How about this?' and he'd shake his head. When he finally found the thing he wanted for you, he spoke. Opened his mouth and used words, Kendall."

"What did he say?" Kendall grinned.

"'This one!' It was so loud, from halfway across the store I heard him. I ran over and saw what he had and was like 'Uhhh...are you sure?' He was positive, though. So. Pretend you love it tomorrow, okay?"

"I won't have to pretend anything, James. Except that I'm not about to cry."

"Aww, you can cry. I won't judge you."

Embarrassed, Kendall changed the subject. "Okay, I'm running out of time. Anything else?"

"Oh! So on the way home I called Logan and asked when he could come over to meet Noah. That's why he's here now. I texted him that I thought Noah might like the space stuff so he stopped on the way over and got all that, and I could tell that when Logan was asking him about it he liked the idea. So they went in to do all that. But before he showed up, the wicked witch called."

Kendall balled up the empty wrapper from his burrito and frowned. "Grandma?"

"Yep. Paul told me she insisted on calling every day to check on him, and I can't really blame her for that. I'd want the same thing if Noah was staying with someone else. So I'm cool with it, let her call. I gave him my phone and stood there, then realized he wasn't going to say anything with me around. So I left the room, said I was going to shower. Turned on the shower and instead I listened to hear what he would say."

"A bit dishonest, but I guess when you're desperate..."

"I needed to hear the truth, Kendall. If he was really that unhappy and scared, I was going to take him back to them. I don't want my son to be miserable."

"I know." Bracing himself, because he was worried James had heard a lot of things that had hurt him, Kendall asked, "What did he say?"

"Surprisingly, not a lot to grandma. I figured he'd just start going off about me and how horrible I am and how he wants to go home to them, but mostly it was a lot of 'uh huh' and 'no' and 'yeah' and even an 'I'm okay.' Answering questions, that sort of thing."

"He said he's okay?"

"Yeah! That shocked me, I was so sure he'd be begging her to come get him. Then I heard him say 'Hi grandpa!' and it was like he was a totally different person. The kid wouldn't shut up once Grandpa was on the phone, Kendall. And you know what he talked about?"

Kendall prayed it wasn't him. "What?"

"The zoo! He fucking gushed about the zoo, said all the things I wished he'd said to me, told Grandpa all about the lions and the creepy spiders and the penguins, and fucking told his grandfather it had been, and I quote, 'so much fun!' And then he told his grandpa about the tacos I made and how I was going to make them again tomorrow night. His grandpa must've asked about me, because he said something like 'He's okay.' I don't know if that meant Grandpa asked how I'm doing or more like...what I'm like?"

"Hard to say. Probably the latter. So it sounds like he's afraid of Grandma but loves Grandpa?"

"Exactly. Which fits what I saw at Paul's office. He was fine around Grandpa. But Kendall, why can't he tell me all this? Why can he tell Grandpa how great the zoo was, but not say to me, 'This is so cool!'? What am I doing wrong?"

"I keep telling you, babe, you're not doing anything wrong. Today only proves that, he had a blast at the zoo. He's just not comfortable expressing his emotions to you yet. And I promise, the key word there is _yet._ I mean, he spoke to you today without being asked a question. He talked in front of you, to me. Maybe what you need to do is sit him down and explain to him that he can say whatever he wants and you won't get mad. For all we know, he couldn't express himself around Grandma. She sounds like a stern woman. Maybe just let him know that whatever he feels or thinks, you're not going to get angry and will still love him."

"Oh my god, you're right. Because that's exactly how it feels, like he's afraid to piss me off or say something wrong."

"Tell him, James. Sit him down after Logan leaves and have that talk. Unless...is Logan staying the night?" The idea of Logan sharing James' bed did not sit well, especially after James had made a point about no one but his boyfriend sleeping in that bed.

"No, he never does. He doesn't live too far away, so there's no need. He'll probably leave after dinner, which...shit, I need to start that. And you need to go, don't you?"

"Soon, yeah. And you guys can come in anytime tomorrow. I usually take my break around eight on Saturdays, but I'll wait for you."

"What time are you off?"

"Ten. Want to pick me up, or...no, it's probably best I show up on my own."

"Why? We don't mind picking you up. How else will you get here?"

"There are lots of ways. I can take the bus."

"We'll pick you up, Kendall."

"No. Not yet."

"Jesus, you are the most aggravating person I've ever met. But fine, show up as soon as you can. How about I make us all a late breakfast before you guys get started on the brownies?"

"You aren't gonna help?"

"I don't know. We'll see how it goes. If he seems like he wants me to, I will."

"Don't worry about that," Kendall smiled. "He'll be fine with it. Hold on, if Logan's there now...might this be a good time for Carlos to maybe check out the place?"

"You're funny," James chuckled. "I think that would just overwhelm Noah, though. Too many people at once that he isn't sure about."

"Okay, you're right. See? You're a natural dad. But one day we'll get Carlos and Logan together. Mark my words, beautiful."

James' breath caught. "Do you have any idea what it does to me when you call me that?"

"Gets you hot?" Kendall guessed.

"Not hot, it's more like...happy. Surprised but in a good way. It makes my breath stop, literally." After a pause, he asked, "Kendall, when can you stay the night again? I'm going crazy without you. I need to _touch_ you."

Kendall held in a groan. "Maybe sometime next week. Not tomorrow, okay? It's too soon."

"The kid loves you. _I_ love you. Neither of us is going to mind you staying the night, I promise."

"Let's see how tomorrow goes. Hey, what about we all go back to IKEA Sunday? The three of us."

"Yes! You'd do that? You don't have plans?"

"Well, Sunday is usually my day to catch up on all my homework and study for tests. So I'll need some time to do that. But maybe in the afternoon? We can meet up for lunch and head over there?"

"Whatever you want. And you can stay for dinner and then once Noah's in bed, you can remind me what it feels like to be touched by someone who loves me. Fuck, Kendall, that's all I want, just your hands on me all night, your mouth on me."

"Really? That's _all_ you want?"

"Okay, we both know that within ten minutes I'll be begging you to fuck me. Just...be here with me. Even that's enough."

"If tomorrow goes well, we'll do IKEA Sunday. And go from there. Okay?"

"I swear you live to torture me."

"Just think how amazing it'll be when we finally get there. Think of it as foreplay, like we spent the last two years doing."

"It's torture."

"Shit, babe, I gotta go, I'm gonna be late for class. I'll see you—"

"Kendall? Can you just tell me one thing before you go?"

He'd scrambled up from the steps and was tossing his trash into a receptacle when the scared voice stopped his motion. "What's wrong?"

"Is it just me?"

"Is what just you?"

James was struggling to get the words out. "Tell me the truth. Am I the only one going crazy? Is this all one-sided?"

"What?" Kendall stepped aside to make room for students heading inside the building. "All of what?"

"Us. I'm just always the one saying it, that I miss you, that I'm going crazy to be in bed with you again, and if you're not feeling it, please be honest and—"

"James, oh my god. No! No, of course not, I'm feeling it, too!"

"Are you?"

The sound of that needy question cracked Kendall's heart. "Yes. Look, I'm...not the best when it comes to saying things like that out loud. Noah and I have that in common. I spent so long trying to hide my feelings for you that sometimes...trust me, James. All of those things you're feeling, I'm feeling _at least_ as much. I'm just...I guess I'm trying to be the strong one. One of us needs to do that. If I wasn't, I'd be there now. I'd have been there last night; you have no idea how hard it was for me to say no when you begged me to come over. Since I haven't said it enough, let me say it now: I love you. You're not just some dude I hooked up with. You're my boyfriend, if that's what you want. You're the guy I hope will be the one I spend my life with, and Noah is part of that. When I said yes to that first date, I didn't realize Noah would be living with you."

"I know, and that's what scares me. You never expected—"

"But it doesn't change my feelings for you. And the truth is...today, I was thinking about it and...I got excited."

"Excited?"

"Yeah. Because I have you both in my life, because we're gonna be...whatever you want us to be."

"But Kendall, what do _you_ want us to be?"

Kendall bit his lip, not sure if it was too soon to speak his feelings, let alone feel them. A group of people walked past who knew nothing of him or his life, who didn't even care to give him a second glance, but he'd never felt less alone because if he opened his heart, he'd have what he'd always wanted. "I'd like us to be a family. One day."

Now James was crying. There was no attempt to hide it. "Really?"

"Yeah. I know it's...well, it's soon. _Too_ soon. We barely know each other."

"Who fucking cares? I know that I love you and that you're the right person to help me raise my son. I am 100% certain of that. Nobody can change my mind on that. And I was so scared you didn't feel the same way."

"I do. I'm sorry I didn't say it, I'm just as afraid to lose you. And Noah. We have to do this right, though, babe. Not rush into anything."

A sarcastic laugh came through the phone. "It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"I just mean with Noah. Baby steps. Let me take this one step at a time with him, the way I need to. That means you're going to have to suffer without me for awhile. Do I want to be in your bed every night? Jesus, you have no idea. But for now, I need to trust my instincts. Make decisions one at a time. Can you trust me on this?"

"I do. I really do. It's just so hard not having you here after what we experienced; I actually know what I'm missing now."

"You're not alone in that. I swear."

"Okay. Okay, I believe you."

"Good. I love you, James."

Kendall didn't have to see the smile to know it was there. "I love you, too. Just make sure to say it here and there, okay? I'm one of those needy bitches who has to hear the words out loud."

"Then I'll say it again. I love you."

"Mmm, every time. Every time I just want to drag you off to bed. Are you late?"

"Yep. Totally worth it."

"I'll see you in the morning, man of my dreams."

Kendall's heart fluttered. "Not just in your dreams anymore, beautiful."

"Lucky fucking me."

"Work on that potty mouth."

"Shit. I keep forgetting. Okay, go! Love you!"

And even though he'd already said it three times over the course of their phone call, Kendall didn't hold back the urge to say it again. "Love you, too. Bye, babe."

"Bye!"

As Kendall rushed up the steps, he accepted the fact that his routine was going to be continually shaken by the beautiful man he'd fallen in love with and the adorable boy who'd also found a way into his heart. School had always been his priority, because what he needed most in life was to help families and he knew school would get him there.

He'd never imagined one family in particular would capture his heart so completely, and for that reason Kendall couldn't be mad about the fact that his world had been turned upside down. His new priority was to help the love of his life and his (if things worked out the way he wanted them to) future stepson find that common ground where they could be open with each other and learn to love. If Kendall himself was that common ground, so be it.

No complaints on his end.

* * *

It was just approaching 7 A.M. when Carlos leaned across the pick-up counter. "Take your break."

Kendall spun around, surprised to see Carlos. "Don't you usually sleep in on Saturday?"

"Not today, I don't." His dark eyes were dancing, lips curved up high. "I barely slept at all. Did James tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"He didn't! Take your break, I need to get it all out!"

"I can't. Hang on, let me finish this mocha."

The place wasn't too crowded, as most of the Saturday morning crowd rolled in closer to nine, so Kendall only to had to finish his current order and the next before he could give Carlos his attention again. "I'm waiting until James and Noah get here to take my break. What's going on?"

"Oh my god, I can't wait until you get off! I have to talk about it now!"

"Carlos, I'm sorry, I'm not taking my break until they get here. What the hell happened?"

Carlos glanced around, leaning on the counter once again, before dropping the bomb. "I had dinner at James' place last night."

"You _what_?!" Now Kendall was certainly paying attention. "But how? Logan was there! James said..."

Carlos was nodding in a satisfied manner. "Damn right, Logan was there. Now are you gonna take your break or am I gonna have to clock in just so we can talk about this?"

"Shit. I can't take two breaks, and I promised James I'd wait."

"Just tell Annie you're not feeling well and need to sit down for a few minutes."

"I can't lie. And she'd know better if you go in there with me."

"Then tell her the truth. Your best friend really needs someone right now and you need ten minutes."

"She'll tell me to just take my break."

"Kendall, tell her the truth. You never take extra breaks, never even go a minute over them. Annie freaking loves you, and it's not busy. Just hurry before I explode!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Give me a second."

As Carlos had predicted, Annie didn't bat an eyelash because Kendall never took time for himself. He explained that Carlos really needed to talk but that he'd also made plans to meet with someone on his break, and she immediately told him to "Just go. An extra ten minutes without you isn't going to kill us." He surprised her with a hug, then rushed back to the breakroom to find Carlos peeking into a grocery bag sitting on the table.

"What's all this?"

"Stuff to make brownies. I have a brownie date with Noah and James later."

"Oh, I think I did hear something about that."

"From Noah?" Kendall asked hopefully.

"Nah, James. When we were eating cookies for dessert, he said something about how they were gonna bake brownies tomorrow. Or...today, I guess."

Kendall dragged a chair out and dropped into it. "Okay, spill, I have ten minutes. I told James last night that he should invite you over since Logan was there, and he was afraid it might overwhelm Noah. So how did you end up weaseling your way in there?"

Carlos cracked his knuckles before rubbing his hands together. "I'm just that good."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N—Happy Friday! So we left off with Carlos about to tell his story about the night before. Most of this chapter is a flashback, and I hope that's not too confusing. Just remember that it's currently Saturday morning, and Carlos is talking about what happened Friday night. As always, I'm so grateful to you guys for reading! Thank you! :D

* * *

 _Carlos closes the door behind the newest applicant, disheartened. Is it really too much to ask that a prospective roommate not be crazy? He doesn't mind weird, or even introverted, but every one of them so far has been more than a little off. He berates Corey for the tenth time mentally, wondering how he has the audacity to get married and move out._

 _Which isn't fair. He really does wish Corey all the luck in the world. But dammit, why can't he find someone to replace Corey that's bearable?_

 _His phone rings and he almost ignores it, not up to dealing with this anymore today. It's probably another guy who saw his listing online and wants to come over and see the place. Carlos will just let it go to voicemail._

 _Curious to see if it's at least someone local, since the last two who called were from out of state, Carlos' eyes widen when he spies James' name on the display. They'd exchanged numbers the day before at the coffeehouse, and Carlos had promised to give the offer of room and board in exchange for child care some thought. He hasn't really, because not only is James intimidating as hell, the child is as well. He'd love to help Kendall, but this doesn't feel like something right for him._

 _Carlos answers the call anyway, mostly out of curiosity. "Hello?"_

" _Carlos? Hi, it's James Diamond. Kendall's...from the coffeehouse."_

 _Wondering if James had been about to say 'Kendall's boyfriend', Carlos smirks. "Hey. I'm sorry I haven't called, I was busy meeting with a lot of applicants today."_

" _It's fine, I know you probably don't want to move in here, and I get it. The privacy of your own room is a lot to give up."_

" _It's not that. That's actually a fair trade-off for no rent. It's..." How to tell someone they make you nervous?_

 _"Look, don't worry about it. That's not why I'm calling."_

" _It's not?"_

" _No. This is gonna sound really dumb, so I need you to not talk to me like I'm an idiot."_

 _When has Carlos ever done that? "Of course. Did I make you feel like that earlier?"_

" _No, not at all. But what I'm about to ask you...well, you'll think I'm a moron. But Kendall said I should call you about it, so here we are. Promise you won't laugh?"_

" _I never promise that. Sorry, dude, my sense of humor is messed up. One time our supervisor got coffee dumped on her head and I_ still _laugh about it."_

" _I can see that being amusing under the right circumstances."_

 _"It was hilarious! Oh my god, her face! And I mean, it was wrong, that customer was way out of line, but like...man, I wish I could see it again."_

" _Okay. Maybe one day I'll look back and find this just as amusing. So...how do I give my kid a bath?"_

 _Carlos is stunned into silence by the question._

" _Carlos?"_

" _You're serious?"_

" _Oh god, I knew this was a bad idea. Forget it."_

" _No, wait, I just...really? I mean, you just fill the tub with water. Make sure he gets clean. Wash his hair."_

" _Okay but like how much water? How hot is too hot? Do I have to use special soap and shampoo? Do I wash him or does he do it himself? Do I watch him or leave him alone?"_

" _James, whoa, hold on, you're making this too complicated. It's really not a big deal."_

" _Then help me! I don't know what I'm doing!"_

" _Okay, calm down. I promise, it's gonna be fine, you can do this."_

" _Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot."_

" _I'm not!_ Dude. _Those aren't stupid questions, it shows you're thinking about his well-being. It's just...not as hard as you're making it."_

" _So then...how much water? Let's start there."_

 _A vision suddenly comes to Carlos. "Are you making a list? Writing this stuff down?"_

" _...maybe."_

 _A short chuckle erupts before Carlos cut it off. "Whatever you need to do. Half the tub is fine, maybe enough to cover his legs. Do you have bubble bath? Toys?"_

" _Do I need to?" James is starting to sound panicked again._

" _No, it just makes it more fun for the kid. Especially if he's one who doesn't want to take a bath and you have to bribe him. Toys are good for that. There's also the option of letting him shower with you."_

" _Oh. I've been taking my showers before he wakes up. I never thought about doing it together. Isn't that a little weird, though?"_

" _Doesn't have to be. But if it seems weird to you at all, then it probably would be. So never mind that idea. He's old enough to bathe himself anyway, as long as you make sure he's actually using the soap and shampoo properly. Don't leave him alone in the bathroom, though. Again, he's probably old enough that it won't be an issue, but kids drown in bathtubs all the time."_

" _Kids..._ drown _? You're telling me my kid can_ drown _?"_

" _I'm just telling you to keep an eye on him. It's safer that—are you watching T.V.?"_

 _James seems confused by the question that comes out of nowhere. "T.V.? No. Oh, that's Logan. He's educating Noah on how the universe was formed, or some weird scientific shit like that. I lost interest after two minutes. Noah seems interested, though."_

" _Holy shit, that is the luckiest kid in the fucking world."_

 _Silence is followed by, "Excuse me?"_

" _Logan's lecturing him? Like...teaching him?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _That's so hot."_

 _More silence, then, "Let me get this straight. You're saying that someone rambling on about the universe and planets and stars...it's hot? It turns you on?"_

" _I'm a freak, okay? Geniuses do it for me."_

" _I see."_

" _Hey, I didn't laugh at you."_

" _Technically, you started to. But now we're even, because I find that absurd. You seriously like listening to smart guys talk about...smart stuff?"_

" _Let me guess. When you jerk off, you're like everyone else on the planet. You watch porn."_

" _Oh my god," James cracks up. "You watch_ lectures _?"_

" _Don't judge me. I close my eyes and imagine it's just me in the room and they're...teaching."_

" _Well...the truth is I don't watch porn, either. I close my eyes and imagine it's Kendall watching me dance. So...I guess we're both a little freaky."_

" _That's not freaky, dude. It's kind of sweet. Can I tell him? He'd love that."_

" _He already knows. Listen, have you had dinner yet?"_

" _Um. No?"_

" _Why not come over and have dinner with us? You can see the place, get to know Noah a little better."_

" _James, I'm still not sure I want to take on that responsibility."_

" _Did I mention Logan's staying for dinner?"_

 _After a beat, Carlos asks, "What time?"_

* * *

Kendall was grinning as Carlos wrapped up the tale of his phone conversation with James. "Nice. I bet he was all panicky when he was asking about the water and the shampoo, wasn't he?"

"Oh my god, the dude is so scared to do something wrong with that kid."

"It's adorable. So you had dinner with them?"

"And dessert. Which like I said, was only cookies, but James buys the good shit. They were those big soft ones from some fancy bakery. And we had milk with them. I could seriously get used to living there."

Kendall's gaze narrowed. "So you're gonna do it?"

"Let me tell my story!"

"Well speed it up, I only have about five minutes left!"

"Okay, okay!"

* * *

 _Carlos takes care with his appearance, wanting to look good for Logan but not as if he was trying to. In the end he settles on jeans, a long-sleeved tee, and a pair of boots that probably don't go well with the outfit but always give him a confidence boost. He leaves behind the cap he tends to wear when not working, making sure his hair isn't sticking up funny with the use of styling gel, and then drives across town to the luxurious Pembroke Towers._

 _He feels a little self-conscious when passing over the keys to his beat-up truck, but the valet attendant smiles and hands him a ticket as if the truck fits right in with the elegant cars waiting in line to be parked. Carlos' first snag comes when he tries to enter the building and an older gentleman stops him._

" _Good evening, sir. Are you here to visit a resident?"_

" _Oh, yes. Sorry. James Diamond."_

" _Forgive me, sir, but I have explicit orders from Mr. Diamond to not allow anyone up."_

 _Carlos is stumped. He hadn't been warned about a doorman, and especially not that he'd be banned from the building. "Um. He invited me for dinner."_

" _If you'd like to wait here, I can call him and verify that?"_

" _Sure. Whatever you have to do."_

 _The man is pleasant enough as he whips a phone from his pocket, but Carlos is already second-guessing his hasty decision to come "check out the place." This isn't his scene at all._

 _If Logan wasn't so freaking hot..._

" _Yes, Mr. Diamond, forgive me for bothering you but I have a young man here to see you? Yes, I recall that order and I told the young man about it but—oh. So it's alright, then? One moment, sir." To Carlos, the man asks, "Can I get your name, please, sir?"_

" _Carlos."_

" _He has identified himself as Carlos. Yes, sir. Oh, no trouble at all, I understand. Thank you, sir, I'll send him right up." Now bearing a welcome smile, the man nods his head at Carlos. "I apologize for that, he said to go right on up."_

" _It's cool. Nice to know the residents are protected here."_

" _Well, I do my best, sir. Harvey, by the way." He holds out a hand, which Carlos shakes. "Welcome to Pembroke Towers."_

" _Thanks, Harvey. See you after dinner."_

" _I look forward to it." Carlos is almost through the door when Harvey speaks again. "Uh...sir. Forgive my prying, but how is young Mr. Noah faring? He doesn't say much when he passes through."_

" _Oh, that's not just you. He's like that with everybody. His mom died recently, you know."_

" _I didn't know. Oh, that poor child. No wonder he always looks so sad."_

" _Yeah. James is hoping I'll move in and take care of Noah when he's at work. That's why I'm here, to see how I like the place."_

" _Well, I hope you find our home to your liking. If you have any questions at all about the Pembroke, please don't hesitate to ask."_

" _Thanks, Harvey. Actually..." Carlos takes a few steps closer so that he can speak quietly. "You've known James awhile, right?"_

" _A couple of years, yes."_

" _And is he...I mean, you've probably seen him at his worst. When he's really pissed off."_

" _Occasionally, sir."_

" _And when he is...I mean, is he rude to you?"_

" _I'm afraid I can't talk about the residents in that manner. We are trained to be discreet."_

" _Right." Which in Carlos' mind means that yes, James has been rude. There's no way he can work—and live—with a guy like that. "Thanks." He starts to move away, but Harvey stops him yet again._

" _However, Mr..."_

" _Garcia."_

" _Mr. Garcia. I can tell you that in the time Mr. Diamond has lived here, he's always been extremely kind and gentle toward me. Even when he wasn't in the best of spirits. And he never forgets me during the holidays, always finds some way to be generous. Some of these residents come through here with an air of complete disdain, as if I'm nothing more than a doorman. And I suppose in reality, that's all I am." Before Carlos can argue, Harvey continues. "But not Mr. Diamond. He's always treated me as an equal, and he introduced me to his son as a friend. As someone Noah can trust if he's ever in trouble or needs help. That, Mr. Garcia, is all you need to know about the character of Mr. Diamond. Should you choose to work for him, you would not be treated with disrespect."_

 _Carlos nods slowly, soaking that in and remembering what Kendall said about how James' issue was with those who didn't do their jobs well. "That tells me that you are very good at your job," Carlos smiles now._

" _Well, I'd like to hope so. Enjoy your dinner, sir."_

" _Thanks, Harvey. See you soon."_

 _This time Carlos makes it all the way to the elevator before doubling back to the entrance, where he has to wait for Harvey to finish giving directions to a couple leaving the building. "Was there something else, Mr. Garcia?"_

" _Yes, actually. How often does Logan visit?"_

" _Ah, Mr. Diamond's friend who arrived earlier?"_

" _Yeah. He's still here, right?"_

" _As far as I know, yes. And I'd say probably once a month, occasionally more. If I could."_

" _I'm sorry?"_

" _Well, I'd say that if I could. But since I can't speak about the habits of my residents, I'm not allowed to answer that question. Forgive me."_

 _Carlos grins. "Got it. Thanks for nothing, Harvey." He winks, and then he jogs back toward the elevator._

 _Which is the second snag he hits. Once inside, he sees that the floor numbers only go up to ten. James had said he lives on the twentieth floor. "What the hell?" Carlos mutters. He steps out of the elevator and looks toward the entrance. "Harvey!"_

" _The one across the lobby, Mr. Garcia!"_

 _Harvey points to Carlos' right, and he sees a second set of elevators in a far corner. "Thanks! Again!"_

 _Finally Carlos arrives on the top level. He steps out onto a plushly-carpeted hallway, then manages to get lost on the way to James' apartment. There's no way he can live in this building. It's already hell to navigate._

 _Thoughts like that evaporate when he reaches the right place and the door opens to reveal Logan's shocked face. For that face, Carlos would live anywhere._

" _Carlos?"_

" _Hi."_

" _Hi. Can I...did Harvey..." Logan turns away, voice rising in panic as he calls out, "James?!"_

 _James jogs over with a grin. "Hey, Carlos, come on in! Dinner's just about ready for you." He opens the door wider, both of them stepping aside while Logan clutches at James' sleeve in terror._

 _Logan is wearing dark jeans and a button-down white shirt, his hair neatly combed into place. No one has ever been more beautiful to Carlos. "Sorry, am I early?"_

" _No, not at all. Logan, you remember Carlos? From Black Forest?"_

 _Logan struggles to find his voice. "Yes. Hello." As the polite thing to do is hold out his hand, Logan does so._

 _Carlos takes it and treasures the moment, wishing it could last forever. "I hope I'm not intruding."_

 _One thing Logan is not is rude. "Of course not. I just wasn't expecting company. James never mentioned you were coming."_

" _Sorry, you guys were busy in the room and I had to get dinner started. Carlos, what do you like on your pizza?"_

 _Carlos shrugs out of his light jacket, pleased when Logan takes it from him to stash it in a closet near the door. "I get to choose?"_

" _You get to make it yourself. Come on over here, I was just about to go get Noah so he can decorate his own."_

 _At Carlos' impressed expression, Logan explains, "James makes homemade dough. He says half the fun is making your own pizza."_

 _After joining James at the kitchen counter, Carlos looks back over his shoulder. "And you? Do you say that, too?"_

" _Actually, all the fun for me is making sure each slice has the same amount of ingredients."_

" _You should see him fix up his pizza," James chuckles. "He literally counts how many olives he drops onto each piece. We don't cut it until after it's done baking but somehow he still gets it right. Every time."_

" _That's amazing."_

 _Logan shrugs, embarrassed. "It's literally just math and trigonometry. Should I go get Noah?"_

" _Yeah," James nods. "Our pizzas just went into the oven. Sadly we only have room for two at a time," he says for Carlos' benefit._

" _That's fine, I don't mind waiting. This kitchen...I mean, this whole place...wow."_

" _It's nice," James agrees. "I've redone some of the decorating since Noah came to live here, but I still like it. Have you seen Kendall today?"_

" _No, I didn't work. He has school tonight."_

" _Yeah, I just talked to him. He's uh...he's the most incredible guy I've ever met. Has he been with a lot of guys?"_

 _Carlos' lips twist as he reaches for a bowl of red sauce. "Is this the part where you grill me about my best friend's past?"_

" _Maybe. I can't help being curious."_

" _I get it," Carlos replies. "But neither can I, so let's make it fair. I'll answer your questions if you answer mine."_

 _After a glance over at Logan, who's returning to the room with Noah in hand, James grins. "Deal. I'll give you the tour after dinner."_

* * *

"Dude, I hate to do this, because I'm dying to hear the rest, but I've already been in here more than ten minutes. Annie's gonna kill me."

"She is not, I'm telling you, she loves you. But okay, I'll skip to the good stuff. So we made our pizzas and Noah barely said a word the whole time. But he's the same with Logan, and I know he likes Logan, so I didn't take it personally. We all sat around the kitchen table and talked while the pizzas were cooking, and James tried to get Noah into the conversation but the kid just shut down. He's good with him, though, I can tell that much."

"James?"

"Yeah. He's gonna be a great dad once Noah opens up. He's trying so hard."

"I know. He's already broken down twice and said he's going to take Noah back even though he wants to keep him."

"Don't let him do that, Kendall. It just takes time, and it's obvious how much he loves that kid already."

"I know," Kendall repeated. "So what happened after dinner?"

"Well we ate, and the kid may not speak much but he sure can eat. His pizza was smaller than ours but the kid ate the whole thing."

"Hey, Carlos."

"Yeah?"

"Noah. His name's Noah."

Carlos flushed. "Sorry. It's...I think I'm trying not to get attached."

"Don't do that. Noah needs people he can talk to. Don't keep him at a distance, even emotionally."

"Working on it," Carlos sighed.

"So he loved the pizza?"

"Scarfed that shit down. And then had some of mine. Mostly I was focused on Logan, but I was nice enough to at least offer some of my pizza to the...to Noah."

Kendall grinned. "Did you get to see the room?"

"Dude, it's awesome! They turned off the lights and everything glowed! I kind of wish I could sleep there every night!"

"Well, if you take the job maybe you could sleep on Noah's floor," Kendall teased, only half-joking. "Like a sleepover."

"Don't tempt me. So while the lights were still out, James was like 'Noah, can you come help me clean up the kitchen?' I figured it was to give them some bonding time, but also so me and Logan could be alone, you know? James isn't so bad after all."

"I told you," Kendall laughed. "He's amazing. What happened next?"

* * *

 _It's Logan who answers James' question. "Oh, I'll help you clean up!"_

" _Nah, me and Noah got this. We're the men of the house, we can handle a few dishes. Right, Noah?"_

 _Their eyes have adjusted just enough that they can make out each others' silhouettes, but not facial expressions. Carlos assumes that Noah is in agreement, though, when the smaller silhouette moves toward the door that James opens, letting in light from the living room. He watches James place a hand on Noah's shoulder and step out, and then both he and Logan are plunged into darkness again._

 _This is his chance. His first time alone with Logan. He has to say something cool, something witty, something that will make Logan laugh and remember him. It's imperative._

 _What comes out is, "Tell me how the universe was formed."_

 _The other silhouette freezes. "Pardon?"_

" _You know that, right? James said you were telling Noah about it earlier. I really don't know, so... would you mind explaining it to me?"_

 _The black shadow still doesn't move. "Are you making fun of me?"_

" _No! No, I'm totally serious. I love to learn about stuff like that, I just don't really...retain. So maybe I'm kind of an idiot."_

" _That doesn't make you an idiot. Some people struggle with retention. It's not something you can control, though you can improve over time with mental exercises."_

 _Carlos is already fighting a woody. "So I can get smarter?"_

" _How much you know or don't know isn't really a barometer of intellect. The most intelligent person on Earth could be someone who's never been in school, so most would think that person dumb. But truly, uneducated would be a more accurate term."_

 _Carlos licks his lips, wishing he could touch Logan. Wishing he could at least see his face, look into those brown eyes. Instead, all he can hear is a voice, and in some ways it's like the fantasies he has in bed late at night, when there's no one around to make fun of him for getting off to the sound of a lecture. "So educate me," he whispers, breathless._

 _Logan hesitates. "You really want to stand here and listen to me lecture about cosmology?"_

Oh, Jesus. Please. _"I'd love it."_

" _Okay. I guess...well, most scientists think it started with the Big Bang. You've heard of that?"_

" _Like the show, right?"_

" _Yeah, like the show," Logan chuckles, and Carlos is thrilled to hear that Logan's relaxing. "But it's so much more than that."_

 _He launches into a long study in words that wrap around Carlos like hands on his body, caressing him and burning him wherever the bigger words touch down. Logan's voice is quiet but authoritative, even when he admits that a lot of what he's expounding on is no more than theory or guesses. Five minutes in, Carlos' breathing is shallow and his fingers are digging into his thighs. He can picture Logan's face in his mind, see those brightly intelligent eyes even though his own eyes can't pick up anything except shadow in the dark._

 _Logan pauses finally, perhaps only then realizing that in his rapture for the subject he's moved around the room and is now mere inches from Carlos. "Does that answer your question?" he asks softly._

" _Yeah," Carlos whispers. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever known."_

 _The silhouette is frozen for a moment before it backs away, then rushes to the door. "I'm gonna..."_

 _Logan never says what it is he's intending to do, but Carlos knows. "Get away from you" is absolutely the end of that sentence. "Wait."_

 _The door opens a crack, but Logan shows a modicum of courage and does, in fact, wait._

" _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on too strong. But I meant what I said. I wish you'd just give me a chance to know you."_

 _Instead, Logan runs. Carlos hears him calling out to James that he has to go, thanks for dinner, and Noah it was a pleasure to meet you, he'll be back again. But he really has to go._

 _Only when the front door slams does Carlos step into the light. His gaze settles on a hazel one that stares back from the kitchen counter. "I see that went well."_

 _Carlos shrugs. "I might've come on a little strong. Told him he's beautiful."_

 _James shakes his head, but he's smiling. "No wonder he ran out of here. Compliments don't work on him, Carlos."_

" _I couldn't help it. He was talking science and I fell in love."_

" _Weirdo," James mutters, but then reaches for a dish towel and dries his hands on it. "Noah, we walked around all day at the zoo, you have to be filthy." He leans down to pick up his son, who hadn't been visible to Carlos from behind the counter. James sets him on the marble. "You ready for a bath?"_

 _Noah shrugs, Carlos approaching slowly as if afraid to scare him off. "Do you usually take a bath by yourself or does grandma help you?"_

 _Now Noah is terrified, probably as scared as Logan was as he shot out the front door. James tries a soothing tone. "We just want you to feel comfortable. How do you usually take a bath? Or is it a shower?" Noah shakes his head, not looking up. "Okay, so bath. Do you know how to wash yourself?" This time Noah hesitates._

" _I'll go start the bath," Carlos offers. He finds the restroom, then uses it himself before washing his hands and starting to fill the tub with water. "Hey, James!" he yells, sticking his head outside the door. "You got any bubble bath? Dish soap even?"_

 _Rather than an answer, what he finally gets is Noah coming around the corner, sans t-shirt and holding out a plastic bottle of yellow goo._

" _Perfect. Thanks, buddy."_

 _They hear James coming closer, and Noah suddenly slams the bathroom door closed and locks it before turning to Carlos with wide eyes. "Kendall said you can protect me."_

 _Carlos blinks fast, the words surprising him, but he answers, "I can. I will."_

" _Don't let him hurt me."_

 _Suddenly wondering if both he and Kendall, and even Harvey, has read James wrong, Carlos nods. "I swear. I'll keep you safe."_

 _Noah swallows hard, then unlocks the door. James opens it and peeks inside, confused. "Everything okay?"_

 _Noah says nothing, only bends down to pull his shoes off. Carlos meets James' eyes warily._

* * *

"Don't let him hurt me? Are you sure that's what he said?"

"Positive," Carlos nodded. "That kid is... _Noah_...is terrified of his father."

"But why? Don't even try to tell me James abuses him, I know better."

"So do I, which is why I didn't contact the police the second I walked out of there. I checked over Noah while we were giving him a bath, and no bruises. Nothing like that. The way James washed his hair, his hands were so gentle and he was so worried that he got shampoo in Noah's eyes...no. I don't believe it for a second. James isn't hurting that kid."

"Then why in the world would Noah think he might? Did his grandparents abuse him? Maybe a boyfriend of Shannon's? Do we even know anything about Shannon's past?"

"James might be able to find out."

"Did you tell James what he said?"

"No. Do you think I should've?"

Kendall bit his lip hard, thinking that over. "I don't know. I think it would devastate him. He already knows Noah's afraid of him, but that...oh, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I told Noah he could trust you. He thinks we're here specifically to keep him safe."

"Really? That's cool, I guess."

"I wanted him to trust you in case you do take the job. So are you going to?"

"Okay, so after Noah's bath we put him to bed and that was great. The kid has this...damn. _Noah._ Noah has this huge lion and he set it up at the foot of his bed, like the thing was watching over him as he sleeps. Then James and I talked for a long time. About you, about Logan, about Noah...about us. And yeah. I'm gonna take the job."

"Seriously? You're moving in?"

"Yeah. Financially I'd be stupid to pass that up. But more than that, I feel this...I don't know. Like this need to watch over Noah myself. He has a reason to be afraid, and he thinks it's James. You and I know better, but he must have a reason. So I want to be there for him."

"This is why you're my best friend," Kendall smiled, reaching over to hug Carlos to him. "Thank you. James is probably so relieved."

"I haven't told him yet. I wanted to sleep on it. But we talked enough that I'm not afraid of him anymore. I know him better. And dude, he is _so_ in love with you."

"I know." He _did_ know, but hearing it still made his heart flutter. "It's crazy how fast this all happened. What did you tell him about me?"

"Well, there's not a lot to tell. You haven't had a lot of boyfriends, and the ones you did lasted a long time, so..."

"Yeah. Did that help at all? Him hearing that my relationships last?"

"He wanted to know why they ended. If you left, or they did."

"It was never me."

"I told him that," Carlos nodded. "That you don't leave. _That_ definitely helped. I think he's afraid you're gonna disappear."

"I know he is. What did he say about Logan?"

"Just that I have to be careful and not push too hard. That Logan will come around in his own time. He said Logan got hurt really bad by the last guy. Thought he knew him and everything was great. Was planning to propose. Then he found out the guy was cheating on him and had been for almost three years. With a ton of dudes. They lived together, Kendall. What kind of idiot would cheat on that?"

"An asshole. No wonder he's afraid to trust again."

"Yeah, James said he feels like it's useless to fall in love because he'll always worry now that a guy is cheating on him and he'll probably ruin it himself."

"Well, you're just gonna have to show him that not everyone is a cheating asshole."

"I plan to. James gave me his blessing."

"Really? That's fantastic!"

"Yeah, he said because you trust me, that's good enough for him. So...thanks. Now I just gotta figure out how to win Logan over."

"You'll have time and opportunity to do it. Anything else? I really have to go."

"I don't think so. Oh, James did mention he's taking Noah down Monday to register for school. He's really nervous about that."

"Shit, we were supposed to research that together. There hasn't been time. When are you moving in?"

"Our lease is up in a few weeks, which is about when James goes back to work. So that gives me time to pack and stuff. You'll help me move, right?"

"Plan it on a weekend and we'll probably all help you move. Even Logan, because James can talk him into it." Kendall stood, then hugged Carlos again once he'd done the same. "Thank you, Carlos. Between the two of us, we can get through to Noah. I'll try to talk to him tonight and find out why he's so afraid of James."

"Good call. Let me know." Carlos peeked out of the breakroom. "Shit, Annie looks pissed. She's having to deal with the register by herself because Glenn's on pick-up. Don't worry, I got this."

Kendall stepped out after Carlos, who was rushing over to Annie and hugged her from the side while the current customer looked on in concern.

"Thank you, Annie, I'm sorry I took Kendall but I wanted to die and now I know life is worth living." His fake sobs were loud but effective, Annie twisting to hug him closer.

"Carlos, it's gonna be okay. I promise. Whatever happened, we're here for you. You're not alone."

"I know. Thank you so much!" He pressed his hands to his eyes, making a scene of staggering toward the front door. "Kendall, you're the best!" he called back, then ran out past a couple entering the coffeehouse, who watched him go in bewilderment.

Before returning to the customer, Annie looked over at Kendall. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"He will be," Kendall promised, fighting a smirk. "In time."

"Okay. Well, then. So sorry about that, where were we?"

Kendall gave into the smirk as he turned away from Annie.

 _Only Carlos._


	12. Chapter 12

A/N—So in an effort to not make the chapters too long, I'm having to cut them off at weird times. Once again, we have a chapter that leads into a long flashback, so I stopped this just before it starts. I'm sorry about that! I promise the next chapter will start where this one left off, and it should be up later this week. Probably Friday. Hope you guys are having a great week! And thank you for reading, of course. :)

* * *

Annie was kind enough to still allow Kendall his normal break when James and Noah arrived just after eight. This time he didn't insist on taking their orders, but did manage a wink at Noah as they approached the register. Noah's bright smile affected Kendall just as a smile like that from James always did, and he set to work on their orders with a spring in his step.

After James pointed Noah to a table, he made his way to the pick-up counter. "Morning, gorgeous."

"Good morning, beautiful," Kendall grinned while working on the hot cocoa. "How are you?"

"It's been a really long morning already," James admitted with a sigh. "So much to tell you."

"Hopefully nothing bad?"

"Not...I mean...nothing really horrible. Just...a lot to deal with emotionally. You know?"

"I know," Kendall nodded. He passed over the hot cocoa, then started on James' latte. "I'm taking my break as soon as I finish this. You have me for fifteen minutes."

"It's not enough." James sighed again. "It's never enough. We never have any time together."

"We will," Kendall promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

James said nothing to that. "Did Carlos call you?"

"He showed up earlier." Kendall smiled remembering his friend's excitement. "He's head over heels."

"I know," James grinned, and it was a welcome sight. "We talked a lot last night. I think he's the one who can do it, who can break through Logan's wall. But it's gonna take time."

"Carlos is up for the challenge, trust me. Have you guys eaten yet? You hungry?"

"We're waiting for you to have the big breakfast, but I baked muffins this morning. So we're good."

"Okay. I'm just gonna grab some orange juice and meet you guys in a sec."

"Oh? No magic tricks with the orange juice today?" James smirked.

Kendall laughed. "Not today. Maybe next time." Though tempted to lean across the counter and peck a kiss to James' lips, Kendall resisted the urge. "Go on, let me tell my boss I'm taking my break."

Two minutes later Kendall was sitting down in a chair between his favorite guys again. He noted the time so he'd know when to head back to work, then properly greeted Noah. "Morning, old friend!"

"Hi!"

This was an improvement; Noah was no longer afraid to express joy in front of James. Or maybe it was just because he felt safe with Kendall around. Whatever the reason, his bright smile again warmed Kendall's heart. "Did you sleep well? I heard you have a new friend to watch over you."

"It's a lion! He's so big! Did you know you can hear a lion's roar from five miles away?!"

"Wow. It's been a long time since I was around lions, I've forgotten a lot. Did you learn that at the zoo yesterday?"

"Yeah! I read all the signs!"

Kendall quickly glanced over at James, noting that his eyes were filling with tears as he watched his son come alive. A hand slid under the table to squeeze James' knee, and when James' hand came down over Kendall's, the grip was painfully tight as if James was barely holding himself together. "Did you want to give Kendall his gift?" James managed, and then Kendall realized it wasn't sadness that was making James emotional; like before, it was simply the sight of his son's happiness.

"Oh!" Noah immediately bent down to reach for the gift bag Kendall had seen him carrying when they entered the coffeehouse.

Kendall whispered a quiet, "You okay?"

James nodded, wiping his eyes and blinking rapidly to clear them. "He's just so happy."

"It's okay. It's a good thing." When the bag was set on the table, Kendall changed his expression to one of surprise. "Whoa, that's a big bag!"

"It's for you! Open it!"

Kendall finally let go of James' knee after one more squeeze, and when he pulled the bag closer James bent his head behind it to whisper, "Pretend you love it!"

 _Or else_ , that whisper commanded. Kendall grinned, knowing still that he wouldn't have to pretend. What was in the bag didn't matter; his joy came from the fact that Noah had picked it out for him.

"Okay, let's see what we got here." He pulled tissue paper out of the bag, which was decorated with an assortment of monkeys and bananas that made him think of Carlos, who loved monkeys for some strange reason. Noah's anticipation was the best part of this, making Kendall draw it out just to see the excitement in those hazel eyes. When he did finally drag the stuffed animal out of the bag, he was surprised for only a few seconds before he understood.

It was an owl. A snowy white owl. A name came to him.

 _Hedwig._

Kendall would bet that Noah had either seen the Harry Potter movies or someone had read him the books, because he'd chosen an animal that was known to be a wizard's familiar in the world J.K. Rowling had created. And Harry Potter himself, the starring wizard of those stories, had an owl just like this one.

Noah was on tenterhooks waiting for Kendall's reaction. Kendall could barely find words, suddenly overcome with love for this little boy. Another name came to him, of his first puppy of all things. "Scampers."

"Scampers?" James echoed, brows drawing together in confusion.

"He looks just like Scampers," Kendall explained. This wasn't true—the puppy had been black as night with brown eyes while the owl in his hands was white with gold ringing the irises. To Noah, he said, "How did you know? Scampers died ages ago."

"I had a feeling," Noah smiled, proud of himself. "Now you have an owl again!"

Kendall hugged the plush toy to his chest as if greeting an old friend. "Thank you, Noah. I miss Scampers every day. Now I don't feel so alone in this crazy world."

Again James stared back and forth between them, lost. Kendall thought this might become a common thing between them. "Okay, who the hell is Scampers?"

"Um...how to explain without...? Well, I guess it's easiest to tell you I used to have an owl just like this."

"As a pet," James clarified, obviously not believing it.

"As a _friend_ ," Kendall corrected, remembering that Harry had thought of Hedwig as that rather than a pet. "I miss him a lot. Somehow Noah knew this."

"I'm smart," Noah said shyly, looking down at the table. "My mom always told me that."

The mention of Shannon was unexpected, throwing James' train of thought off the tracks. He suddenly stood. "I'll be back."

 _Fuck._ James needed him right now and he couldn't move because he had to stay with Noah. This was what parenthood would be like, Kendall supposed; always putting the child first even when they needed each other. He watched James storm off to the bathroom, his heart aching to follow.

"What's wrong with my dad?"

Kendall's attention flew back to Noah. "He's upset. I think he misses your mom."

Confusion spread across Noah's features. "He hates my mom."

"What? Who told you that?"

Rather than answer the question, Noah shut down. Kendall watched it happen with a sinking heart; Noah wouldn't meet his eyes, instead staring at his lap and ignoring the cocoa that had been such a joy mere seconds before.

"Hey. Look at me. We don't have to talk about your mom, it's okay." Still Noah wouldn't look up. "I really love the gift, Noah. I'm going to name him Scampers, if that's okay."

Noah nodded. For the first time Kendall understood how James must feel every time Noah refused to speak to him. It wasn't a feeling he wanted to get used to.

"So, can I still come over and bake brownies with you?"

He'd said the right thing. Noah's head shot up, pleading coming into the hazel as he nodded again. _Please come over_ , that gaze said.

"Cool. I have all the stuff with me. Can you guys take it home with you so I don't have to carry it on the bus later?"

"Sure!"

"Great. Thanks, buddy. I'll go get it when your dad comes back. Which...needs to be soon because my break is almost over." Kendall really wanted to ask about the comment Noah had made to Carlos the night before, but there wasn't time and he thought Noah might be more forthcoming if they were alone. He'd find time later, maybe while James was cooking them breakfast. "What did you name your lion?"

For some reason that baffled Kendall, Noah looked scared.

"I'm not gonna laugh, it's okay. You can tell me."

"Don't tell my dad."

"I won't. You know you can trust me."

Noah swallowed, catching sight of his father rounding the counter and coming closer. He froze up.

"Noah," Kendall nudged. "It's okay."

Just before James arrived, Noah whispered, "I named it Kendall. He makes me feel safe."

James sank into his chair and reached for the latte, then noticed that his son was staring down at his lap while his boyfriend was in some sort of shock. "Guys? Everything okay?"

Kendall was struggling to breathe. "I need...work. My break is over."

"Damn, I was in there too long. You can't extend it?"

"No." Shaking loose his emotions with effort, Kendall cleared his throat. "Sorry, Carlos already forced me into the backroom for awhile this morning, and my boss is understanding but not _that_ understanding. It's starting to get busy now, so..."

Thinking fast, James suggested, "Noah, why don't you use the bathroom before we go? We have a bit of a drive ahead of us." Noah didn't move, so James stood and pulled Kendall up with him. "Come on, we'll stand outside and guard the door."

Kendall shoved the owl back into the bag before gently pressing on Noah's shoulder to get him moving. It was his way of saying _I'm right here_ , and it worked. Noah hopped off the chair and jogged toward the hallway leading to the bathrooms, James close behind. Kendall dumped their trash, then followed. "Two minutes," he mouthed to Annie as he passed the register, and she nodded. God bless Annie.

As the restrooms were a single room each rather than made up of stalls, James and Kendall were able to wait in the short hallway. "What did he say to you that upset you so much?" was James' first question.

"Nothing. He didn't upset me. He just...really shocked me. Are you okay?"

"I don't know. He mentioned Shannon and it...I don't know."

Because he could, Kendall pulled James into an embrace, the bag hanging awkwardly against James' back. James clutched onto him and buried his face in Kendall's neck. "I'll be there no later than eleven, okay?"

"Let us just pick you up."

"No. You're taking my stuff with you, but don't touch it until I get there. I counted each of those chocolate chips by hand."

"Shut up, you did not." The warning had done its job, though, as James chuckled now. "I can't wait to have you in my apartment again. Please stay the night."

"Not tonight, babe. We already talked about this."

"Kendall, I'm about to break. I need you there."

"You can do this. You're doing great so far."

"I'm not, I'm fucking up every step of the way. What the fuck was with the owl?"

Hearing the sink turn on behind a closed door, Kendall knew their time was short. He stole a kiss from James, needing it as badly as James did, and James molded to his body with a soft whine. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. So much." The blast of a hand dryer now floated to Kendall and he gently pushed James away. "I'll explain the owl tonight, when we have more time."

"Please at least stay until after he goes to bed. Just give me fifteen minutes to sit with you while you hold me."

Kendall nodded. "Let's make it an hour."

James' face filled with both gratitude and relief as Noah appeared.

"I'm gonna go grab the brownie stuff. Meet you guys by the door?"

Knowing he was pushing Annie's patience, Kendall sprinted around people and tables to the breakroom, where he grabbed the paper grocery bag and ran back out. "I'm entrusting you with this," he said to Noah, crouching down in front of him. "I already warned your dad he's not allowed to eat any of the chocolate chips. Can I trust you to keep them safe?"

"I promise."

"Okay. I'm counting on you." Not questioning the urge, Kendall kissed Noah's cheek before standing. He mouthed, "I love you" to James, remembering that his boyfriend needed to hear the words often. James' smile made him glad he'd done it.

"See you later?"

"I'll be there. I swear." He passed the gift bag to James. "And I'm entrusting you with this. Keep Scampers safe until I can pick him up later, okay?"

James rolled his eyes but grasped the thin handles. "I won't let you down."

"You never do."

Again, he'd said the perfect thing. James seemed to melt.

"I really gotta go, guys. See you soon!"

"Bye!" Noah called out to Kendall's retreating back. Kendall looked back over his shoulder and managed a wink. Just like before, Noah's face lit up.

It was probably the best feeling in the world.

* * *

" _Are you close?"_

The text from James squeezed Kendall's heart; James was trying so hard to hold it together, but in moments like this it showed through that he was close to a breakdown.

" _Just got off the bus. See you in about two minutes. I love you."_

" _Stop being so perfect. Actually, don't. I'll be waiting."_ After Kendall read that one, another popped up. _"And I love you, too."_

"Mr. Kendall! What has you so happy to be alive on this beautiful Saturday?"

Kendall slowed his pace, realizing it was Harvey speaking to him while holding the door. He pocketed his phone. "Not what, but who. Morning, Harvey! And please, it's just Kendall."

"Yes, sir," Harvey smiled. "A good morning to you."

"And to you." Recalling that Carlos had had to be approved to enter, he asked, "You don't need to check in with James or anything? I'm cool to just go up?"

"Mr. Diamond's orders are to allow you in day or night, rain or shine, under any and all circumstances. Between you and me," Harvey leaned closer to impart, "you're the first person he's ever instructed me to do that for. I hope that means we'll be seeing quite a bit of you."

 _I love you, James._ "Not even for Logan?"

Harvey smirked. "Not even for Logan, sir."

Well. That certainly put those random fits of jealousy that seemed to touch down occasionally to rest. "You're right, Harvey. It _is_ a beautiful day."

"Indeed, sir."

The trek to James' apartment was uneventful, Kendall spending it remembering what Carlos had said about the night before.

" _Don't let him hurt me."_

Kendall wasn't going to leave without getting an explanation for a comment like that.

The apartment door was open, James leaning out into the hall with a welcoming smile for Kendall that was quickly blocked by a finger over his lips. James' appearance was as well put together as always, but his eyes showed that his mind was in chaos. When he got close enough, Kendall whispered, "Is he asleep?"

"Reading in his room. I need five minutes alone with you, so...shh."

After stepping through the doorway, Kendall watched James close the door as quietly as he possibly could before dragging Kendall to the left and down the hall into his bedroom.

That door stayed open, but James maneuvered them behind it and used the wall to support Kendall as he dove in for a kiss that brought out a shocked gasp. Kendall had been expecting that James would maybe fall into his arms and cry, or even hug him tight in a quest for strength, but James' mouth demanded reassurance of another kind. "Oh god, James," Kendall breathed, his body remembering the feel of long fingers trailing down his spine as James opened himself to offer everything.

"Miss you," James whispered, then kissed Kendall harder and whined when Kendall's hands gripped his ass to pull him closer.

The sound woke Kendall up enough to realize Noah could walk in at any moment. With a mental groan he pushed James away, as gently as he could, and they stared at each other while panting. "One more minute," James begged.

Kendall shook his head. "I don't trust myself."

"I'll stop, I promise."

"I won't."

James' gaze widened when he took in the fire in Kendall's eyes. He bit his lip and looked as if he wanted to cry in frustration. "I'm going crazy without you."

Kendall reached out to rub his hands up and down James' arms. "I know, babe. So am I. But it has to be this way for now."

"But _why_?" James wanted to know. "So what if he sees us kissing? My goal is to move you in here anyway, why do we have to hide anything?"

Kendall sighed softly, wondering how to explain it without hurting James' feelings; his boyfriend was already on the edge of a cliff and about to slip off it. "Come sit with me."

James balked as Kendall started to lead him by the hand toward the bed. "Oh, toward the bed? You won't kiss me in front of him but you'll take me to bed? What sense does that make?"

"I said _sit_ ," Kendall chuckled, trying and failing to not be amused by James' theatrics. He made himself comfortable against the headboard, waiting until James had done the same and their shoulders were touching. "Okay, I'm trying to figure out how to say this and not upset you. Please remember that I love you and everything I do is with the future in mind."

"The future?" James echoed.

"Yeah. Our future. All three of us."

A smile touched James' lips, and he laid his head on Kendall's shoulder while reaching over to twine their fingers on Kendall's thigh. "Keep saying 'I love you' and 'our future' and you can say whatever else you want."

Kendall grinned and kissed the crown of James' head. "So...remember how I mentioned that Noah needs to see me as an outsider?"

"Which makes no sense to me. You're the furthest thing from an outsider."

"But he doesn't know that. Anyone affiliated with you is a threat right now."

James' head shot up. "I beg your pardon?"

"We know he doesn't trust you. We don't know why," Kendall added hurriedly, as if James might take offense, "but we know that much. My goal here is to find out why."

"But he already trusts you and likes you, so—"

"Why do you think that is, James?"

"Because you're amazing. Who wouldn't like you?"

"That's not why."

"That's totally why."

"No, babe, it's because I'm an outsider. Like...he doesn't open up around Logan, right?"

"No, but I can tell he likes learning from Logan."

"Right, but he doesn't show it. He didn't trust Carlos, either."

"What does that have to do with me? Carlos is your friend, not mine."

"But how did Noah meet Carlos?"

"At the coffeehouse."

"And who introduced him? How?"

James thought back. "I did. As a friend."

"Exactly. He doesn't even trust Harvey, and anyone who doesn't trust that guy is just wrong."

James nodded, then asked, "How are you different? He met you at the coffeehouse, too."

"Yes, but as far as he knows, you didn't know me. I met him without you around, and then acted like I met him first. Do you understand what I'm saying? It changed the dynamic. He seems okay with strangers, I mean think about how he was when you first met him in that bathroom."

"He liked me," James sighed wistfully. "I was cool then."

"Right. You weren't a threat. As far as he knows, I'm here for _him_. Not for you. And it needs to stay that way until you become someone he trusts."

"Ugh," James groaned. "You're right. I never thought about it that way."

"The second I start showing that I'm in love with you, I'm siding with the enemy."

"Okay, but why the fuck am I the enemy? It's bullshit!"

"Shh," Kendall warned. "I intend to find that out today, okay? Just make sure we have enough time alone to really talk."

"Okay. Fine." James was obviously still miffed. "We had a talk this morning. Well, I talked. It didn't do any good."

"What did you say?"

"What you told me to say. That he can say whatever he wants, tell me anything he's feeling, and I won't get mad. I told him that no matter what, I'll still love him and still be his dad."

"Oh." Kendall turned slightly to James, impressed. "That's great! He still didn't say anything?"

"Nothing. Wouldn't even look at me. But at the end I asked if he'd heard everything I said and he nodded. I guess it's something?"

"Maybe. Maybe he's in his room right now thinking about it. He needs time."

"I'm sick of waiting, Kendall. He's my son and there's no reason for him to be afraid of me."

"Obviously he thinks there is. So why don't we have a nice family day and I'll show him that isn't the case? That you're a good guy and not out to hurt him."

Though James rolled his eyes at the "out to hurt him" line, he said, "I love the sound of that. A 'family day.' Is that what we are, Kendall? A family?"

"It's what I want us to be, eventually. You okay with that?"

"I already told you it's what I want." James snuggled in closer to Kendall, who caved and wrapped an arm around James' shoulders to hug him in. "So you're moving in tomorrow, then?"

The question was put to Kendall in a teasing manner, but he heard the pleading behind it. "One day." He kissed James' forehead and James sighed in contentment. Half of him wanted to go to Noah, to start what would hopefully be a fun day of baking and laughter, but the other half was satisfied to be James' rock and to give him a few minutes of peace he wouldn't find once they left this room. "Talk to me," he urged. "You said it was a long morning? Lots to tell me?"

"I don't know." James buried his face in Kendall's neck, seeking comfort. "It started with Logan."

"Logan?" And why did that stupid jealousy keep cropping back up? What was _wrong_ with him? "He was here?"

"No, he called. My Saturday morning began with my best friend bitching me out."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N—Hey, all. This chapter is mostly the flashback phone call between James and Logan, so nothing too exciting happening there. But it's stuff that needs to be said for both of them to move forward, so...yeah. Necessary. Hope you all had a great week! :)

* * *

 _James does a light spin behind the kitchen island, his white apron flying out a bit at the bottom until he stops. Then he does another one just because the music is whimsical, and he can; there's no one around to watch. Noah is sleeping heavily in his new bed (James knows this because he peeked in on him both before and after his shower) and it's now time for peace while James whips up a batch of his favorite chocolate chip muffins. Really, he needs to stop feeding Noah so many sweets but when the boy refuses to tell him what else he likes, it's hard to know what to try._

 _So, chocolate chip muffins it is._

 _He's humming along to the current song playing, something that always reminds him of fairies and sprites (or...are they the same thing? Maybe he'll look that up one day), thinking about Kendall and how he's determined to at the very least get a real kiss from his boyfriend at some point during the day, when the music dies completely to be replaced with a shrill ring two seconds later. His heart drops._

No. Please don't cancel on me today, please. I need you. I can't do this without you.

 _James wipes his hands on a dish towel before reaching for the phone, his stomach in knots. It's not Kendall, though, it's Logan, and he can breathe again. Sort of, because he's sure Logan isn't calling for fun conversation. He braces himself._

" _Good morning, Mr. Mitchell."_

" _Don't give me that shit. What the fuck is your malfunction?"_

" _Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the...damn, I don't even know what equipment you use to make that joke properly. I suck."_

" _James..." A loud sigh comes through the speaker. "It's not funny. What were you thinking last night?"_

" _I was thinking a lot of things last night. Listen, I'm baking right now, and Noah's still asleep, so if I put you on speaker can you promise not to yell? I want to let him sleep."_

 _He can just imagine Logan seething as he shakes his head. "Clever. That's one way to get out of being yelled at."_

" _It's the truth. So yes? No yelling?"_

" _No yelling," Logan promises, obviously not happy about it. "But you're not off the hook."_

" _I'm aware of that. Hang on a second."_

 _James sets his phone down on the kitchen counter before trotting to Noah's room. His son looks angelic in the morning light, blond hair shining against the hunter green pillowcase Kendall had picked out because "it's not too feminine but it's still colorful." James has to fight hard to resist the urge to walk over and kiss his son's cheek, or to sit on the edge of the bed and run a hand over his hair; neither gesture would be welcome from him, and for a moment he chokes up with sadness but then pulls himself together._

 _Logan is waiting, and Logan's already in a snit._

 _After closing the door most of the way but leaving it open enough that he'll hear if Noah calls out to him (like that would ever happen), James jogs back to the kitchen and puts the phone on speaker. "Okay, I'm back. Do your worst, but remember to keep your voice down and please explain to me what it is you're so upset about."_

" _You know what I'm upset about. Don't play dumb."_

" _Something about last night?"_

" _James, I swear to...if I was standing next to you, I'd have strangled you by now. How could you invite him over?!"_

 _James calmly goes back to mixing muffin batter. "I'm assuming you mean Carlos, since Noah_ lives _here. Speaking of which, what did you think of Noah? We didn't get a chance to talk about it."_

" _Stop trying to distract me from my argument. We can talk about Noah after."_

" _No, please, first just...please." The second plea is a little shaky. "I'm trying so hard with him and nothing's...did he say anything to you in the room? Any hint of why he hates me so much?"_

" _No, James," Logan sighs, and behind it there's pity because Logan knows how much this is killing James. "He barely said two words. He listened closely to everything I was teaching him, and he seemed to enjoy putting up the stars and planets, but...no words really."_

" _Okay. I guess you can go back to bitching me out then. Thanks for trying with him, though."_

" _He seems like a bright kid. I don't really have anything to back that up, since we didn't converse much, but that's the feeling I got."_

" _Thanks. Definitely gets that from his mother."_

" _Definitely," Logan jokes, then adds, "But you're smarter than you give yourself credit for, James. You're not the idiot you claimed to be all through school. Shannon knew that, and so do I. Don't be so hard on yourself."_

" _I'm sorry, did you call me to yell at me or for a pep talk? Because right now I can't tell."_

" _Fine, we'll go back to the yelling without actual yelling. Seriously, James, how could you put me in that position last night? You knew how I felt about him, knew I wanted nothing at all to do with him."_

" _For your information, Logan, not everything is about you. Carlos came over last night to look at the place and spend some time with Noah. I want him to move in here to help me take care of Noah when I have to work." The stunned silence brings a smirk to James' lips as he starts spooning batter into muffin cups. "Did I lose you?"_

" _You can't be serious."_

" _I'm totally serious. I need someone who's good with kids, he needs a place to live. It's perfect."_

" _No, it isn't, because you don't even know the guy. You just met him like...what, two days ago or something?"_

" _Kendall vouched for him. That's good enough for me."_

" _James..." Logan is struggling to find words that won't set James off, and James waits patiently because he knows it. "Look. I know how you feel about Kendall. I know you think he's perfect, and from what you've told me so far, I think you two definitely have potential. I'm proud of you for taking a chance and finally talking to him."_

" _Thank you."_

" _But...now there's a child involved, and you don't know Kendall that well. It scares me a little that you're trusting someone you barely know with your child._ And _taking his word on someone that will not only be around your child, but live with him and be alone with him."_

" _I don't have a lot of options, Logan."_

" _Why not look into hiring an actual nanny? They come with references and experience and—"_

" _Logan, I know your heart is in the right place, and I know you're trying to help. But I have to do what feels right to me, and this does._ Kendall _does. I know you don't get it, since it's not all black and white and written down in a fifty-step plan. But I trust Kendall, and I trust his judgment."_

" _But you hardly know him."_

" _Two years, Logan."_

" _Two years of just smiling at him and saying 'thank you'. That's literally all it was."_

" _And I'm telling you, the time I've spent with him over the past few days only reinforces what I already knew about him. He's everything I thought he was, only...more. I wish he'd been here last night so you could get to know him. We'll set something up so you can. I know you disagree with me, and I know you think I should've left Noah where he was."_

" _Whoa, hold on, I have never said that."_

" _You don't have to. You know as well as I do that I'm not capable of raising a son."_

" _James, that's not true. I've never thought that."_

" _No?"_

" _No. I'll admit there's a lot you need to learn about it, but that's true of any new parent. Just be open to learning, ask questions when you need to, and stop doubting yourself so much. You're gonna be fine, and so is Noah."_

" _You don't think I'll screw him up?"_

" _Of course not, James. You spent enough years with Shannon to know how to deal with him. Just think of him as a mini her."_

 _Something twists in James' gut. It's painful, and it's angry, so he shies away from it. "Enough about Noah and Kendall. Neither is going to change, I'm planning to keep both in my life and eventually, in my home. Tell me why you don't like Carlos."_

 _Perhaps to put off that discussion for the moment, Logan comments, "I have to admit, I've never seen you so serious about a guy before. Usually you don't even like them to stay for breakfast. With this one, you're talking about co-habitating after two days and if I know you, you're already thinking marriage."_

" _I'm trying really hard to not do that, because Kendall's big on 'one step at a time.' He wants us to take it slow, see how it goes. So I'm trying to do that."_

" _James, this is me you're talking to. You've already laid in bed and fantasized the wedding ceremony."_

" _You're totally my best man. And Noah's the ring bearer."_

" _Exactly. Where is your honeymoon?"_

" _Wherever Noah wants to go."_

" _Kendall doesn't get a say?"_

" _Kendall will agree with me on that. That's how I know he's the one for me."_

 _Logan lets out a sigh, knowing James is too far gone to listen to reason. "Fine. So...Carlos."_

" _Yes, let's talk about Carlos. What's so wrong with him?"_

" _I don't even know the guy."_

" _That's my point, Logan. You don't know him. Give him a chance."_

" _For what? We're not going to date. And don't think I don't know that you're going to set up 'accidental' meetings between us. I know how your mind works."_

" _There won't be anything accidental about it. If I need a babysitter on a night Carlos is off, it's gonna be you. I can't control whether or not he's here when you are. He_ is _living here, you know. Well...should he accept the offer. I hope he does, I really need him. And you'd better not avoid coming to see us just because of him. I won't stand for that."_

" _James..."_

" _Logan...hang on a second." James gets the muffins into his pre-heated oven, then sets the bowls and dishes he used in the sink. After drying his hands, he picks up his phone and takes it to his room for the more serious talk they need to have. "You still there?"_

" _Yeah, and I have a meeting in a few hours, so let's just get to the point you want to make."_

" _A meeting on Saturday? Do you ever stop working?"_

" _I had dinner with you last night, didn't I?"_

" _After I twisted your arm."_

" _James, time is wasting. Talk."_

" _Okay, but remember that you asked for it." James eases himself onto the bed, then goes for it. "How long are you going to freeze people out?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _I mean...I know Chad hurt you. I totally get why it's hard to trust and open your heart again. But it's been years, Logan. I don't want to see you alone for the rest of your life."_

" _I'm not alone. I have my work and my research."_

" _Your work and your research don't blow you or fuck you into the mattress, Logan."_

" _Oh, here we go, I knew this was coming. Life is about more than just sex, you know."_

" _And sex is about more than just life."_

 _There's silence for a beat, as James imagines Logan's face crinkling into confusion, before he replies, "That doesn't even make sense."_

" _I'm trying to say that sex is so much more than the tiny little piece of your heart you've relegated it to."_

" _Was that your word of the day?"_

" _Shut up, I listen to you sometimes," James chuckles. "I pick up on big words. Don't you miss sex?"_

" _So you're saying I just need to get laid and all my problems will go away? The sun will shine, the birds will sing, rainbows will be everywhere? Because I have news for you, James—science causes all of that. Not sex."_

" _Of course I'm not saying sex makes everything better. But you know what does? Sex with the right person. I mean, you enjoyed sex with Chad, right?"_

" _Sure, until I found out he was cheating on me. It kind of...tainted every memory."_

" _I know, and that's kind of what I'm saying here. Sex and love and boyfriends, they're all tainted now because of Chad. Because you let Chad redefine them as bad things. When you find the right guy, Logan...I promise. It's so much more than just a part of life. It's like..." James is quiet for a few seconds, searching for a way to put his own experiences with Kendall into words. "You know those televised church things, where you see the preacher giving a sermon and the people in the audience sometimes go into this...what's the word?"_

" _Rapture?"_

" _Yeah! That's exactly it! Like their spirit is reborn and they see the world in a new light and it's a spiritual rebirth, like everything is lit up with a holy light and it's earth-shattering. You can't even think because your mind and soul are caught up in this rapture."_

" _So...you're saying that sex with Kendall is a religious experience, a spiritual orgasm."_

" _I know you're mocking me, but honestly...yeah. Maybe not religious, that was just an example. But when I'm with him...and he's touching me and moving in me and kissing me...yeah. It's like that. I actually crave it. I'm craving it right this second and I won't feel whole again until he's with me."_

" _James..." Logan speaks softly, as always treading carefully with subjects he knows James is sensitive to. "You talk about him the way you used to talk about drugs. How they made you feel. That same craving and addiction. I'm not sure that's healthy."_

" _Wouldn't you rather I'm addicted to him than drugs?"_

" _I...neither is healthy," he says again. "It makes me scared about the fall. The comedown. There was always a comedown after you went on a binge and ninety percent of the time you ended up suicidal when it hit. I can't even imagine what this comedown would be like."_

" _It's not like that._ Kendall's _not like that. Kendall is good and pure and...he's everything I've ever needed. He's not the dark, he's the light."_

" _James, again you're talking about him like...I mean, he's just a human. Not some spiritual being."_

" _I know that," James replies patiently, wondering how to make Logan understand. "I haven't lost my mind, I'm not some crazy person who thinks Kendall is a magic being. But still, there's something magical about him. That's all I want for you, Logan. I want you to know this feeling, to let yourself experience love again with someone who deserves it."_

* * *

At that point James couldn't continue speaking, because a hungry mouth on his wouldn't allow it. James moaned into the kiss Kendall had to have, his body coming alive and tingling everywhere with that craving for touch.

"I love you," Kendall whispered breathlessly, kissing James again before continuing. "I'm not pure, and I'm not perfect. I will let you down, probably more than once. But I will never do it intentionally, and I will put the needs of you and Noah above my own."

"I know," James smiled, then his mouth searched out Kendall's for a deeper kiss. "I'm sorry if everything I said scared you, I know I can be intense and Logan's right, we just met, but—"

Kendall shut him up with another liplock. "I'm intense, too. I've been reigning it in around you, mostly. Afraid to come on too strong."

"Jesus, Kendall, let it loose. Please. It's not going to chase me away, I promise."

Their next kiss threatened to go on forever, Kendall's tongue taking command while James sank back into the pillows and drew him closer. That tingle was stronger now, and it was insatiable. "Don't leave tonight," James begged, voice close to a whine. "I can't wait anymore, please Kendall, just be with me tonight."

Kendall pulled away, eyes closed as he grasped for control. He'd never had this problem with another partner, this hunger that threatened to send rational thought running for the hills. "We'll talk about it later." He saw the disappointment creep up and promised, "I'm not saying no. Let's just..."

"Right. See how it goes. I still hate that answer."

Kendall pressed one more soft kiss to James' lips. "Don't assume the worst. It might go even better than you imagine." James pacified for the time being, Kendall smiled. "Go on with your story."

* * *

" _And what makes you think you can decide who deserves it?" Logan asks. "Chad seemed perfect in the beginning, too. It doesn't last, and that's my point. I refuse to put my heart into something I can't count on."_

" _Right, which is why you lost yourself in science after the break-up."_

" _That's not why."_

" _It is, Logan. Yes, you've always wanted to do what you're doing now, but...you also had dreams of marriage. A family. We talked about it in high school."_

" _And then I grew up."_

 _"And then you had your heart broken, and decided those dreams were stupid."_

" _Look, I'm glad you're happy, James. I really am. I hope Kendall turns out to be everything you think he is. But I'm not willing to take that chance in my own life. It almost killed me once."_

 _James is surprised to hear emotion creeping into Logan's voice; Logan rarely allows that to happen outside of anger or derision, or even sarcasm. It's this that shows James he's on the right track. "I know," he says softly._

" _Nobody is worth that. Carlos may be the greatest guy in the world, but he's not something I can count on, and you forcing me to spend time with him isn't going to change that."_

" _What if he is?"_

" _He can't be, you've already told me that Kendall is the best thing to exist."_

" _No," James laughs. "I meant what if Carlos is something you can count on?"_

" _He's not, James. Nobody is."_

 _Frustrated, James thinks hard about how to knock down that argument. "You know why I feel like he is? Why I'm so ready to let him get close to you?"_

" _Please tell me, because over the years you've never pressured me. You've always respected my feelings and let me live my happy life. Is it just because now you have someone? You feel bad for me, being alone?"_

" _I've always felt that way."_

" _So then what's different now?"_

 _"It's not what, it's who. Chad...and the other two guys you dated that weren't as serious...they loved you. Or at least liked you a lot. Chad once told me you're phenomenal in the sack, and I can see it. I bet that's the one place you let go and just...live."_

" _Oh my god, make your point so I can move on with my life. I don't need to hear you talking about my sex life."_

" _My point here is that they liked you and tolerated your fascination with science and math and...all that crap I don't understand but you need in order to survive. They felt it was worth it to put up with all of that for other things you had to offer. Great sex, companionship, a nice guy to go see a movie with or whatever. A hot boyfriend on their arm, because I know you never believe this but you really are hot."_

" _I'm about to hang up."_

 _James grins, knowing that Logan is completely inept when it comes to taking compliments. "So yes, there was all that. But do you know what's different about Carlos?"_

" _He's a magical being who's going to reawaken my spirituality and send me into rapture?"_

" _Shut up, ass. Carlos is different because he doesn't just put up with your weird fascination with boring shit. He thrives on it. It literally turns him on."_

 _Dead silence on the line, other than shallow breathing._

" _He finds it sexy, Logan. Most guys come to a place like my club to get turned on, they watch people dance or even watch porn. This guy? Turns on lectures about the things that excite you. Rather than be bored with it, it stimulates him more. That side of you that you think nobody could ever truly appreciate, it actually makes you_ more _attractive to him. You wouldn't have to worry that you're boring him with a lecture. You wouldn't have to stifle it when you feel the need to expound on...whatever it is that's put you in a teaching mood. You can just be yourself around him, Logan. No having to stop yourself from saying what's on your mind. Can you imagine a lifetime with a guy like that?"_

 _Again, no answer._

" _I know you're still there. And I know you're imagining it now. You already think he's cute. All I'm asking is that you give him a chance. Don't treat him like something to run from just because he sees the beauty in you. Open your heart, dude."_

 _Logan is quiet for another ten seconds before, "You know, I'm not the only one who's closed off part of his heart."_

 _James' brows come together. "What are you talking about? I'm in a relationship."_

" _I'm talking about Shannon."_

 _James literally jolts, sitting up straighter on the bed. "Okay seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?"_

" _Every time I bring her up, you get uncomfortable. You change the subject. You never forgave her, James."_

" _Of course I never forgave her! She had a fucking son with me and didn't tell me!"_

" _Okay, one, lower your voice. If I couldn't yell, neither can you. And two, I'm not talking about Noah. Take Noah completely out of the picture, go back to the person you were before you knew about him. You still hadn't forgiven her."_

" _For what? For cutting us out of her life? Treating us like we were nothing? I'm just supposed to be okay with that?"_

" _No, but I found it in my heart to forgive her because I knew that she had to have a good reason. I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't drop us unless she felt it was the right thing to do. You knew her that well, too."_

" _Oh, so not telling me about our kid was the right thing to do? Not giving me that choice or even giving me a chance to know about him, that was the right thing to do?"_

" _No, James, that's not what I said."_

" _That's exactly what you just said."_

" _I said_ unless she felt _it was the right thing to do. I'm not here to judge her choices."_

" _Well, I am! I'm a fucking father who is currently fighting just to get my kid to look at me, and that's all her fault! That's all on her! Who was she to decide I didn't deserve to know my own kid?"_

" _I don't think she did," Logan says quietly. "I think we both know who made that decision. Shannon's greatest weakness was her fear of standing up to her parents."_

" _Yet she did it when they told her to walk away from me all those years." Tears are gathering in James' eyes now, his voice hoarse. "They wanted her to ditch me when I had the drug problems, and she didn't. So how could she do it when there's a child's life at stake? How could she keep me from him? I would've tried so hard, Logan. I would've done anything for that kid, worked three jobs if I had to just to support him. Why couldn't she stand up for me then?"_

" _Because she was scared." Logan speaks gently, aware that James has worked himself up into a fit of sobs. "She obviously felt like she had no other option. Remember how she couldn't wait to get away and go to college? Even if it was a major she didn't care about, she was excited to just get away from them and try to live her own life. Suddenly she couldn't do that. Suddenly she was stuck with them, for...well, in her mind, probably for the rest of her life. Or at least eighteen years, when her child would be old enough to live on its own. I wouldn't be surprised if she considered abortion, honestly."_

 _James' breath stops. "Don't even joke about that."_

" _I'm not joking. There might've been a part of her that resented you for all of it, that blamed you for keeping her there when she could've been out starting a new life. Maybe that was part of why she kept it from you."_

" _But all she had to do was tell me and give him to me once he was born. I would've taken him in and made it work."_

" _How, James? You didn't have a job then. You weren't even going to school. You had no plans for a future, other than some vague idea that you could get a job cooking somewhere. She wouldn't have wanted to burden you with that. I'd moved, she'd moved...at least I think she did. Do we even know if she ever went off to school?"_

" _They said she did, but I don't know if I believe it now. I moved out here and..."_

" _James?" Logan is hesitant; this is a minefield he's stepping into. "You never told me how she died. I didn't ask, because...well, I didn't think you were ready to talk about it. How did she die?"_

" _I didn't ask," James admits, ashamed. "I didn't want to know. I was so mad at her, so fucking angry that she lied to me and hid Noah from me...I didn't want to know anything about her."_

 _Logan sighs softly. "You need to. If for no other reason, than to understand Noah better. It will help to know what sort of environment he came from. It might even explain why he's so afraid of you. I know you're angry with her, and I'm not saying you don't have a right to be. But James...you can't help him until you understand her. And you won't mean to, but you'll end up turning him against her."_

" _What? I would never do that. I'm not like her."_

" _He'll grow up feeling like he can't talk about her, because every time he does, you'll get uncomfortable. Or angry. Or upset. And then he'll start to wonder why that is, and...trust me. He needs to retain the good memories he has of his mother. I know without that, I would've grown up resenting my dad for dying. It's hard for you to understand, because your dad didn't die. He left, he made the choice to disappear. My dad didn't, and as far as we know, neither did Shannon. Let him keep those good memories, James. Let him love her. Let_ yourself _love her."_

 _It's so hard, doesn't Logan understand that? She betrayed him. In so many ways, she betrayed him. "I don't know if I can," he says now._

" _Just...give it a chance, okay? You want me to open up to the idea that maybe Carlos isn't the enemy? Fine. I will try. But I need you to do the same thing. Consider the idea that Shannon isn't the enemy, either. I believe she did the best she could with what she thought were her only options, and that's because I know Shannon and how she thinks._ Thought. _Whatever. Just...think about it, James. Okay?"_

 _James swallows, hating it when Logan makes sense. "My muffins are done."_

" _Which means you need time alone to think about all of this. That's cool, so do I. But...no more ambushes, okay? Let me know if Carlos is going to be around so I can prepare myself. Ambushes just make me want to run."_

" _Deal. I'm sorry I forced that on you last night. In the future, I will warn you when he's going to be here."_

" _Thank you. That's all I ask."_

" _So. I never did find out what happened in that room, other than Carlos saying he came on a little strong. What's your side of it?"_

" _He said something nice and...scared me with it. Mostly because I could tell he meant it."_

 _James smiles. "He really does like you. We talked a lot after I put Noah to bed. He's a great guy, Logan."_

" _And Shannon was great, too. Find out what you can, okay?"_

" _I'll think about it. I gotta go get my muffins."_

" _Yeah, I have that meeting. Call me. Let me know how it goes today."_

" _I will. Thanks, Logan. For just...you know."_

" _I know. You're welcome. Bye."_

" _Bye."_

* * *

Kendall hugged James tighter as he finished the story. "You weren't kidding. Emotional morning."

"Yeah. Between that and my talk with Noah over breakfast...I'm losing my mind. Do you think Logan's right? Do I need to give Shannon a chance? Or at least...her memory?"

"Well...I understand your feelings."

"Thank you!"

"But Logan made a good point that knowing her better would help you understand Noah better. And I think he's the priority."

"So I have to suck it up."

"Pretty much."

"Ugh, I hate it when he's right."

Kendall grinned, then kissed James' forehead. "You'll hate it more when I am." James shrugged, silently conceding that. "So how are you planning to go about this? Talk to her parents?"

"Oh, fuck that. Their version of everything will be warped anyway. I was thinking I'd get in touch with Paul, see how much he knows. I mean, he has to at least know how she died. And if he doesn't like her mother, he saw enough to know how that dynamic was."

"Yeah. It wouldn't hurt. If you don't have someone to watch Noah, you can set up the meeting at Black Forest again, and I'll take my lunch while Paul's there. Noah can hang out in the breakroom with me."

James' head tilted back so that he could stare up at Kendall, gaze searching as if to make sure Kendall was real. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are?"

"Apparently I'm a magical beast who sends you into a rapture every time we have sex," Kendall teased.

James laughed, a happy sound that made Kendall's stomach flip over. "You still never told me how you did that with the orange juice."

"I did tell you. Magic."

"Right, okay, have your little secrets with Noah." James pushed himself away, stretching. "Though I have to admit, it's kind of cute. I love that you two have bonded like that, that you share secrets. I want that with him."

"You'll have it," Kendall promised. He dragged James close again, James letting out a little scream of surprise at the sudden movement. "Just let me work my magic."

James' fingers lifted to card through Kendall's hair, gaze roaming over the planes of his face. "You already are. I love you."

"I love you, too," Kendall whispered, then lowered his mouth to James'. He closed his eyes, savoring the taste and feel of lips he craved just as badly as James craved him. "And by the way? Carlos will be my best man, so Logan's just gonna have to deal."

Words failed James. All he could do was clutch Kendall tightly to him. Kendall held on, peace settling over him.

He'd found his family.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N—Before we get to the chapter, I wanted to say something about Shannon. While thinking about my story "I'm Sorry" yesterday, I realized that in that one Logan also had a good friend in school named Shannon. I don't know why I chose that name again, but it was unintentional and the Shannon in this story is not the same character as the one in "I'm Sorry." They're very different personality-wise, too. So if there was any confusion at all over that, I apologize. Apparently I just like the name Shannon!

I'm glad you guys enjoyed the conversation between James and Logan in the last chapter. This one centers on Kendall, James, and Noah. I had a lot of fun writing scenes with the three of them, so I hope you guys have fun reading it! Thanks as always for taking the time to do that. :) Next chapter will hopefully be up Friday, depending on how much I get written before then.

* * *

"Are you ready to go make my son's day?"

Kendall sat up, James going with him but then standing from the bed. He held out a hand to Kendall, who asked, "Are you better?"

"Than when you first got here? Yes. I feel like I can face my life again. That's the effect you have on me." James leaned in enough to reach for Kendall's hand, then tugged. "So thank you, but if I don't leave this room soon I'm afraid I won't. I just want to hide in here with you forever."

"Nope, can't do that." Kendall allowed himself to be pulled up, then they both peeked out of the short hallway and into the living room; no Noah in sight.

"Okay, he's still in his room," James whispered. "How do you want to do this?"

"I'm gonna go out and knock on the door, as if I'm just getting here. Remember, I've never been here before!" Kendall hissed.

"Oh. Right." James sighed. "Do we really have to go through all that?"

"Yes." After a peck to James' mouth, Kendall very quietly opened the front door. "I love you."

James' face immediately brightened. "I love you, too. Go!"

Kendall gave James time to maybe go back to the kitchen, or to check in on Noah, before clearing his throat and knocking loudly on the door. There was no response for about ten seconds, but then the door swung open to reveal the most beautiful man in the world, smiling at him with a twinkle in his eyes. "Hi. Kendall. Come on in!"

James stood aside so he could enter, and Kendall whispered, "Room?"

"Doorway," James muttered under his breath. "He came out when he heard the knock."

Kendall stepped into the apartment, looking around as if he'd never seen it. "Wow. What a view."

"I know, right? You can see practically the whole city from here. Or at least the north side." James shut the door, watching Kendall walk toward the far wall, which had been covered by drapes on his previous visit. In this he didn't have to pretend, he was truly in awe of the city laid out before him. He felt Noah's gaze from the bedroom door, but kept his focus outside. He wanted Noah to move at his own pace, whatever he felt comfortable with.

James, however (as he'd once told Kendall), was not a patient man. "Noah? Oh, there you are! Kendall's here!"

A smirk twitched Kendall's lips before he spun to find Noah still peeking out from his room. "Hey, buddy!"

That was all it took. A flash of denim, green plaid, and blond flew toward Kendall as Noah sprinted across the room to him, Kendall easily catching him and lifting him up onto a hip for a tight hug. If it hadn't been for the huge smile Noah had been wearing, Kendall would've been concerned by the mad dash. Instead, he hugged Noah to him while his heart went into a spasm of joy.

Then his eyes met James', which were full of...something. Not quite joy but not sadness, either. It was more...longing. That was probably the best word for it. Kendall's heart, which had been so full, now dropped. "I'm sorry," he mouthed. James shook his head while waving a hand dismissively.

"Have you seen this view, buddy?" Kendall asked, shunting Noah's attention toward the wall that was mostly made of glass. He felt James close in behind them, wishing he could reach back to hold his boyfriend's hand but keeping both around Noah instead.

"The city's big," Noah commented.

"Huge," Kendall agreed.

James chimed in. "If you look over that way..." Both followed his pointing finger. "...you can see the IKEA Noah and I went to the other day. Do you guys see it?"

"Oh! Yeah, the yellow and blue. See it, Noah?"

It took him longer to find the building, but finally he did, his face lighting up. "Can we see the coffee place from here?"

"Uh..."

James fielded that. "We actually can't. Trust me, I've tried." Kendall spun with Noah on his hip, gaze questioning, but James smirked and offered no more explanation. "It's on the south side, so...no."

"Oh."

Noah sounded disappointed, and Kendall wondered how many times James had stood in this exact spot wishing he could see the place. Probably as many as Kendall had laid in bed thinking about him and wondering where we was and what he was doing. Again, that urge to touch James had to be fought down with an iron will. "Well, IKEA's still cool. What did you guys buy there?"

"Want to see?" Noah asked. He moved to scramble down, Kendall letting him go, but then Noah grabbed his hand and pulled toward the bedroom. "I have a bed, and a place for my clothes, and a desk! It's so neat!"

Kendall glanced behind him once to make sure James was following, and hazel eyes were widened in shock; James had of course had no idea Noah loved the furnishings, because Noah had never told him.

While James stayed behind in the doorway, Noah gave Kendall a tour of the bedroom. Kendall smiled as he was "introduced" to the furniture his own hands had put together, pride filling him that he'd created something worthy of such praise from Noah. "And the bed stuff is even green! That's my favorite color!"

"Is it?"

"Yeah! Oh, and look!"

Noah rushed over to the desk and sank to his knees to open a bottom drawer. Kendall felt a tug on his shirt. "Did you know?" James whispered.

"How could I?" Kendall mouthed back. It was all he had time for before a handful of books was being shoved at him.

"And we got these, too! I'm almost done with that one over there, it's about a dog that solves mysteries!" Noah pointed toward his unmade bed, where another book was lying on a pillow. "But I have all these left!"

"Wow," Kendall marveled, checking out the titles. "And uh...your dad bought all of this for you?"

The excitement was suddenly muted, that spark in Noah's eyes dying. Now he could barely be heard when he murmured, "Yeah."

"Did you thank him? I bet it took him a lot of time and money to set it all up for you."

James turned scared eyes to Kendall, obviously wanting to shake his head because as the enemy, any mention of him was going to ruin the happiness Noah was experiencing. Kendall said nothing. The silence stretched out, and James was just about to give in when a very quiet, "Thank you" floated up to them.

After a tiny surprised gasp that was only perceptible to Kendall, James knelt in front of Noah. "You're welcome, Noah. Anything you need, you just have to ask, okay?" James was dying to touch the boy, even something as simple as a hand on his shoulder, but he held back. "I was thinking maybe we could try IKEA again tomorrow, get some more stuff. Maybe some extra sheets and blankets, and some stuff to decorate the room. Anything you want." When Noah still wouldn't look at him, he added hopefully, "Some more books?"

 _Come on, Noah,_ Kendall urged silently. He could see that Noah wanted to say yes, that the idea was tantalizing. Still, the boy was afraid to speak his mind directly to James. "Well, if you guys don't mind company, I could really use a new shower curtain."

Noah's head shot up, the spark back. "You want to come with us?!"

"If it's okay with your dad."

James rolled his eyes. "The idea is absolute torture." When Noah suddenly looked as if he might cry, James added, "I'm kidding. Of course Kendall can come. Maybe we can get lunch first, and then head out?"

Before Kendall could even offer an answer, Noah pleaded, "Please come with us! We can go to the place with the corndogs!"

A laugh erupted from James. "I _knew_ you loved those!" To Kendall, he said, "I took him to a place Harvey suggested, some little diner I'd never even noticed down the street. Noah enjoyed the corndogs."

"Well, who doesn't?" Kendall grinned. "So it's cool with you guys if I tag along?"

"Fine by me," James replied. "Noah?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. Lunch and IKEA it is." Thinking that James' knees were probably complaining by now, Kendall reached down to help him up. Sure enough, he heard a pop as James stood from the wooden floor. "You know, these walls are fantastic. I feel like I'm in space."

Noah gasped. "Uncle Logan helped me make space! He said the universe was formed when..."

Kendall tuned a lot of it out, letting Noah ramble, because his immediate concern was James. While Noah turned away to point out specific planets, Kendall touched James' arm. "You okay?"

"I'm happy," James whispered. "My son is happy, my boyfriend's here...I'm just happy."

"Okay." They shared a smile, and James even slipped in a hand squeeze before Noah spun back to them.

"...and BAM!" Noah's arms moved apart as if something was exploding. "The universe!"

Kendall's face affected an impressed look. He was pretty sure he'd read once that the Big Bang wasn't an actual bang, but he let that slide. "That's crazy! Just like that?"

"Just like that!"

James was standing next to Kendall, arms crossed over his chest as he studied the room. "You know what we really need in here, Noah?" Once he had Noah's attention, he continued, "A bookshelf. For all the books I'm going to buy you over the years."

Noah looked as if he might pee himself with excitement. Kendall could've hugged James for that; he'd known exactly what to say. "Let me stay for dinner tomorrow and I'll build it for you," Kendall offered.

Two beautiful faces beamed at him, sheer happiness radiating toward Kendall in such a powerful wave that he thought his heart might burst. Was there anything better than the matching smiles aimed his way in this moment?

Somehow Kendall didn't think so.

* * *

Kendall and Noah were staring out the huge wall of glass again when James called out, "Who's hungry?"

"Me!" Kendall yelled. "What's for brunch?"

"I was thinking pancakes. Or we could do waffles." James opened a cupboard, staring at the contents.

Kendall glanced down to confer with Noah. "Do we want pancakes or waffles?"

"I like both."

"Me, too. But is that too much for Dad to make?"

Noah shrugged.

"Clock's ticking, boys," James reminded them.

"Don't rush us, we're conspiring over here." Kendall sank to one knee. "What if we have pancakes now, and we make him cook us waffles for dinner tomorrow night?"

A hand went to Noah's mouth. "Waffles for dinner?!"

"Why not? Hey, we could make sandwiches out of them! Waffle sandwiches!"

The mouth widened, along with bright hazel eyes. "Yeah!"

"Yeah?"

"Can we still have tacos tonight?"

"Heck yeah. I was promised tacos."

"Okay!"

Kendall grinned, then stood and cleared his throat. "We've made our decision."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. What am I preparing for you today?"

"Pancakes," Kendall answered.

"Cool."

"And—"

"Don't you dare ask for both," James warned.

"We want waffles tomorrow for dinner. We're going to use them as bread and make sandwiches."

James was silent as he considered that. A small hand searched out Kendall's, and Kendall realized Noah was afraid James was going to yell. He clutched Noah's hand in reassurance.

"What sort of sandwiches?" James asked curiously.

"Whatever kind we want. We could do peanut butter and jelly, or ham and egg, or...bacon and egg? Noah, what kind do you want?"

"I like grape jelly."

James lifted an eyebrow. "I only have strawberry."

Noah deflated next to Kendall. Realizing this could work to Kendall's advantage while also giving James the peace he so desperately needed, he said, "I have an idea. It'll take you time to make us breakfast, right?"

"Well, yeah. But not too long."

"What if Noah and I walk down to the store while you're doing that? We could pick up some grape jelly for tomorrow's dinner."

James blinked a few times, hearing what Kendall wasn't saying. "You'd do that for me?"

"No, I'd do it for Noah." He winked, though, making sure James knew that it was also for him.

"Sure. Go for it. Noah, you okay with that?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, cool. You'll also need to pick up some peanut butter, though. I try not to keep it in the house because I end up eating it. Like stick a spoon in and just eat it right out of the jar. So bad for you."

"But so good," Kendall nodded, having given in to that temptation plenty over the years. "Anything else we need to pick up?"

"Uh...if we're doing eggs now and tomorrow, I'll need more. I should be fine on everything else. Unless there's something specific you want."

"We'll see what catches our eye," Kendall smirked.

James started to reach for an apron, but then said, "Oh wait, let me give you some money."

"I can handle this."

"Kendall, no, you don't need to—"

"I got this one, James." When James gave him that "Could you be any more perfect?" smile, Kendall blew him a kiss from behind Noah. "You just focus on breakfast. Noah, why don't you run to the bathroom before we go? Just in case."

"Kay!"

Once Noah had literally run out of the room, Kendall jogged to the kitchen to be devoured by James' mouth. "I love you," James gushed. "Jesus Christ, I love you so much I can't stand it."

"Shh," Kendall managed, but he was just as hungry for James and kissed him again. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what, making my kid happy? Yes, Kendall, how dare you?"

Kendall waved that away. "I'm sorry that it's only me. That you have to watch that and...you know."

"It's hard," James admitted. "But at the same time, I'm not jealous because I get it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, normally I would be, but...the way he greeted you? That's exactly how I feel the second you walk into a room. Like I want to run to you and hug you and have you lift me up like that. Just...have you hold me. How can I blame him or be mad at him for feeling the same way I do?"

"Ah, James," Kendall whispered, and then they were kissing again because Kendall couldn't stand not to. He heard the toilet flush and stepped back, James whining in disappointment.

"You'd better stay tonight. You can't just tease me like this all day and then not deliver."

"I thought you liked the teasing," Kendall grinned.

"Only if I know it's going somewhere." His focus shifted when Noah returned. "Did you wash your hands? Yeah? With soap? Okay. Go grab your jacket, it's chilly outside."

Kendall murmured, "You are incredibly sexy in dad mode."

"I—excuse me?"

"I don't know what it is. But I'm on edge right now just from you asking him about his hands and telling him to get a jacket."

"Right, it has nothing to do with the fact that we were just making out."

"Maybe a little," Kendall conceded.

"So you get it, then. Why it turns me on to watch you with him, being all...fatherly."

"I'm starting to."

"Are we weird?"

"Who fucking cares? It's hot."

James' mouth stretched into a wide grin, his gaze moving from Kendall's eyes to something over his shoulder. "You got it? Okay, let me help you zip it up."

Their recent conversation fresh in Kendall's mind, he offered, "No, I'll take care of it. You just...watch."

Kendall felt piercing hazel eyes on him as he knelt down to zip up Noah's jacket, then made sure Noah's hair was presentable. "Face clean? Okay, we're ready." With a smirk he turned back to James. "We'll be back, Dad. With peanut butter, jelly, and eggs. And anything else we find that suits our fancy."

"Sounds good." With a challenging gleam in his eye, James grabbed the apron and lowered it over his head slowly, somehow turning that simple act into seduction. He took his time tying the strings, twisting to give Kendall a view of his ass before facing them again. "Don't be gone too long."

 _Oh, you are evil._

Seeing the thoughts in Kendall's head, James smirked. "Be careful out there."

"We'll be fine."

Kendall reached down for Noah's hand, glad that the boy gave it willingly.

One step at a time.

* * *

He couldn't resist sending a text as the elevator descended.

" _Such a fucking tease."_

" _Oh, you started that."_

" _You're better at it."_

" _I've had more practice. Thank you for this. You knew I needed my quiet time while cooking, didn't you?"_

" _I also needed time alone to talk to him. Gotta go. Love you."_

James sent a heart before Kendall pocketed his phone and took Noah's hand again. They'd made it across the lobby when he realized he had no idea where they were going. "I don't suppose you know where the grocery store is?"

Noah shook his head.

"Okay, I guess I can..." A greeting from the entrance drew their attention, and Kendall smiled. Harvey would know where to go. "Hello again!"

"And a hello to you boys! I see you're venturing out to enjoy the beautiful day." Harvey nodded at them. "What adventure are you off to today?" he asked Noah.

The boy's shyness...or maybe it was fear, Kendall still wasn't sure...took over.

"We're actually on a quest for peanut butter and jelly," Kendall replied. "We have no map and are using only our wits and the kindness of others on our journey, so..."

"Ah, yes, that does sound like fun. Might I suggest the grocery store on the corner of Mercer Avenue? Not too far at all, perhaps a ten-minute walk each way."

"That's perfect! Which way?"

"You'll just go down the street this way, about three blocks. It's across from the diner."

"I know where that is!" Noah blurted. "You were right, the corndogs are so good!"

Surprised that Noah was actually addressing him, Harvey quickly covered that with, "I don't lie about corndogs, Noah. Never about corndogs."

Kendall grinned. "I'll have to try them someday. You know, Carlos is a big fan of corndogs. Maybe we can take him along," he said to Noah, who offered no answer either way. He was obviously still on the fence about Carlos. "Well, thank you, kind sir. We must begin our quest now. Should we be successful, we will return shortly bearing provisions."

"Godspeed to you both."

When they stopped on the corner to wait for a light, Noah suddenly asked, "Is Harvey a wizard, too?"

Stumped for a moment, Kendall had to think about how best to answer that. "You know," he finally came up with, "he just might be. I don't know for sure, but he seems to know a lot, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. How come you can't tell?"

"Because some wizards are good at hiding their true natures. If we were obvious about it, everyone would know."

"But you're a wizard. You should know."

"Life would be easy if I knew everything. Sadly, there are still many things I need to learn. But you know what I do know for sure?"

Noah waited.

"Your dad loves you very much. He'd never hurt you."

When Noah immediately shut down, Kendall backed off. They stepped off the curb and into the crosswalk, and for most of the walk they didn't speak much because Noah was thinking hard.

Kendall let him.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N—Well, it's been a hectic week, but here's the next chapter as promised! It's nice to have a little time to post and catch up on fic! Thank you for reading!

* * *

They might've gone a little overboard inside the store, but Kendall had no regrets. Noah's suggestion to bake M&M's into the brownies certainly wasn't a bad one, and they'd both agreed cinnamon raisin toast was yummy. When they left, Kendall was carrying two bags after passing the lightest one to Noah.

"You have the important bag, the one we have to be most careful with."

"Why?"

"Because it has eggs in it, and eggs are extremely fragile. You know what that word means, right?"

"Yeah. They break easy."

"Exactly. So you need to be super careful, got it?"

"I promise. And the bread is in here, too."

"Yeah, we don't want anything to happen to that." Kendall shifted his own bags so that his left hand was free, then held that one out. "Hand."

Noah readily slipped his smaller one into it.

"You ready?"

"Yeah. Do you think my dad ate all the pancakes?"

"No, he wouldn't do that." They began to cross the parking lot after Kendall made sure the coast was clear. "Can we talk about your dad?" The silence from below was basically an answer, but Kendall wasn't going to be put off this time. "I'm trying to understand why you're afraid of him. So far I haven't seen anything bad or scary. Has he ever hurt you?" When Noah still didn't reply, Kendall squeezed his hand. "I can't protect you if you don't tell me the truth."

They'd almost reached the corner before Noah murmured, "No."

"No? He hasn't hurt you?"

Noah shook his head.

"That's good. If he ever does, you need to tell me. Or Carlos. You will, right?"

Noah nodded right away this time.

"Okay. Hold up, we have to wait for the green light. Can you press the button for me?"

Reaching up with the hand Kendall released, Noah used his thumb to press down on the small metal button. "It's hard."

"Yeah, they can be. You got it?"

"Yeah." Noah's hand found Kendall's again.

"Has your dad ever yelled at you?"

Noah's head moved to the left and the right.

"Okay," Kendall nodded, but waited until they were across the street and safely on the sidewalk to continue his questions. "So then why are you afraid of him? Did someone tell you he was a bad person?"

No answer.

"Was it Uncle Logan?"

"No. Uncle Logan is his friend."

"Yeah. I met Uncle Logan once. He seemed nice."

Noah offered no opinion.

"Was it Carlos? Did Carlos tell you to be afraid of your dad?"

Again, Noah shook his head. "Carlos is your friend, right?"

"He is."

"But he's my dad's friend, too."

"Well...remember that he's in place to look out for you. He's working with me."

"So he's friends with my dad to protect me?"

"Yep."

"Okay." That seemed to be enough for Noah, who nodded as if deciding Carlos was on the good list.

Treading carefully now, because he thought this might be a sensitive subject for Noah, Kendall asked, "Was it your mom? Did she say bad things about your dad?"

Noah's hand went slack in Kendall's; he held on tighter.

"Is it hard to talk about Mom?"

Noah nodded.

"I bet you miss her a lot."

Noah shrugged.

"Did she tell you Daddy is a bad man?"

Finally there was an answer, or at least a hint of one. Noah's head shook slightly.

"No? So it wasn't Mom?"

Now the head shake was more firm. Definitely not Mom.

That left one option, and somehow Kendall wasn't surprised at all. "Your grandmother. She warned you that Dad would try to hurt you, didn't she?"

The small hand clutched at Kendall's, fear like a tangible thing being passed on to him; Noah was absolutely terrified of his grandmother, and yet obviously trusted her warnings. Kendall recalled James mentioning that on the phone with her the previous evening, Noah had been mostly quiet. What had she been filling his head with then?

They stopped to wait at the next intersection. "Do you trust me?" Kendall suddenly asked.

"Yeah." Not the excited "Yeah!" Noah used when he was at ease, but it was honest all the same.

"Do you trust me when I tell you that your dad loves you?"

Noah wouldn't meet his eyes.

"You know I would never put you in any danger, right? If I thought your dad might hurt you or yell at you, I'd get you away from him."

"But you said you don't know everything."

 _Shit. SHIT._ "I did, but..."

"So how can you know for sure? You just met him."

Okay, so maybe Kendall's plan hadn't been the smartest thing. Then again, he'd managed to get closer to Noah than anyone else had. "You know, that's a really good point. I don't know everything, but I'm going to. I'll tell you what. Oh wait, let's cross the street first. We're almost home."

Noah obediently kept pace with Kendall, who was careful to walk slowly enough that it wasn't difficult for Noah to keep up. Once across the busy street, Kendall moved closer to a building so that they were out of the way and could stop. He crouched down until he was at Noah's level. "Here's what I'm gonna do. Carlos gave me a good review of your dad. He was there to check him out last night."

"That's why?"

"Yeah. And he's going to live with you guys, did you know that?"

"Live with us? With me and my dad?"

"Yep. That way he can keep you safe."

Noah thought that over. "Can _you_ live with us?"

Kendall's heart dropped. There was so much fear and pleading behind that one question. "I...maybe one day. I would, but as you can imagine I have a lot to do. A lot of families to watch over."

"Oh."

Noah's disappointment practically killed him. "Can I tell you a secret, though? One you have to promise to never tell?"

"Yes! I'll never tell, promise!"

Kendall couldn't resist lifting his fingers up to brush Noah's bangs back; they'd probably need to be trimmed before too long. "You're my favorite." The widening of Noah's eyes, along with the happy gasp, had Kendall grinning. "You're my favorite family, but I wouldn't want the other kids to feel bad, so you have to keep that to yourself."

"I will!"

"Okay. So Carlos is going to live with you guys, he'll be moving in soon. In the meantime, I'll be at your apartment as much as I can to keep you safe. How does that sound?"

Rather than excite Noah, the news seemed to upset him. "When Carlos moves in, will you stop visiting?"

"No. I'll be there whenever I can."

It wasn't the best scenario in Noah's mind, but it was still pretty good. "Okay."

"Okay," Kendall smiled. "And I'll spend this weekend getting to know your dad better. I'll be super nice to him and gain his trust, that way he'll let his guard down around me and I can see what he's really like. Then I'll know for sure. Does that work?"

"Yeah! I think he likes you, so he won't mind. Only..." The light in Noah's eyes dimmed, a troubled look coming into them. "Be careful."

"Be careful? Do you think he'll hurt me?"

"Maybe. He..."

Kendall waited patiently while Noah glanced around to be sure no one was listening.

"He _likes_ you."

"...okay?" Kendall's heart thudded harder as dread closed in; he thought he might know where this was going.

"He might try to touch you," Noah whispered. "In a bad way."

"A bad way," Kendall echoed slowly. His eyes fell closed and he would gladly have throttled Noah's grandmother had she been present. A lot of things were starting to make sense now. Fixing Noah with a serious gaze, he confirmed, "So I need to be careful because he might touch me."

Noah nodded. "He's evil."

 _Jesus fucking Christ._ A red haze gathered before Kendall's eyes and he forced it away; anger wasn't going to help at the moment. "Well. Why don't you let me decide that for myself? I'll get to know him, learn all his secrets, and then we'll decide if your dad is a bad man or not. Do you trust me, Noah?"

There was no hesitation. "Yeah!"

"Good. Because I'll find out the truth, okay?"

"Okay!"

"And no matter what, I promise you this. You'll be safe, and you'll be loved. I won't let anybody hurt you."

"Promise?"

"I swear. Now let's get back to the apartment and enjoy some pancakes."

"Okay!"

Now carefree and lighthearted again, Noah grabbed for Kendall's hand after he stood up. Kendall kept a smile on for Noah's benefit, but inside he was seething. Easing Noah into the idea of having two dads was going to be harder than he'd imagined.

The forces of evil were at work, indeed.

* * *

To distract Noah from the intensity of the anger building inside him, Kendall asked the boy to give him a rundown of what they'd seen at the zoo; it worked like a charm, and as they approached the entrance to The Pembroke Noah was still chattering on excitedly about bats, which Kendall was informed were not only mammals with wings, but "nocteral."

It was hard to remain angry when a sweet, adorable little boy was dragging him down the sidewalk.

Noah was so engrossed, though, that when Kendall stopped moving because their path was obstructed, Noah didn't react right away; instead, he barreled right into a man speaking to Harvey, who was purposely blocking the doorway.

"Whoops." Kendall gently pulled Noah back, but not soon enough. The man, who had been arguing about who knew what, spun around with a scowl on his face.

"Watch it." He then abruptly turned back to Harvey to continue his tirade.

Kendall wasn't in the mood to be fucked with. He could've let it go, but Noah's sudden switch from animated child to a boy who was afraid to even look up set Kendall off. "Hey, it was an accident. You don't need to be such a jerk about it."

The man stopped speaking again, his spin around more slow this time. He studied Kendall, and then Noah, before opening his mouth to fight back but then thinking better of it. With a wave of his hand, he effectively dismissed them and said, "I don't have time for this."

Just like that he was back to haranguing Harvey. Kendall bent down to whisper to Noah, "It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Normally I'd suggest that you apologize, but this guy doesn't deserve it."

Harvey's patiently soothing voice broke in. "Sir, I understand what you're telling me, but Mr. Diamond—"

 _Now_ Kendall was paying attention, and closely. He straightened to give the stranger a better look. Handsome, dark hair, a bit of a pinched face but it worked for him. And definitely built. Was this someone who worked with James, maybe?

"Don't call me 'sir' like you don't know who I am, Harvey. I've been here enough that you know my name is Jett."

"Yes, sir, I understand, but Mr. Diamond has given explicit instructions that no one be allowed up to see him."

"Since when?"

"Since..." Harvey's warm brown eyes moved to Kendall before continuing. "I believe it's been almost a week, sir."

It had been about half that, but Kendall wasn't going to argue the point. Not in front of this asshole.

"I think you're lying, Harvey. I don't know why you would, but you're lying because James would never turn away a...friend."

Kendall's lips twitched. "Is this guy giving you a hard time, Harvey?"

"Nothing I can't handle, sir," Harvey smiled.

"Oh, butt out, Dad."

Kendall jolted slightly at the term; while offended by the man's words and tone, the nickname was...well...he quite liked it. "Harvey's just doing his job. Don't give him crap for it. If you need to see this guy so bad, why don't you call him?"

"I have. He's not taking my calls. Not that it's _your_ business," Jett added haughtily.

"Well, then I'd say he doesn't want to talk to you. _Sir._ "

One of the man's eyebrows shot up. "Aren't you the asshole? Am I in your way? Don't let me stop you." Jett moved aside so that Kendall and Noah could pass. "Please, be on your way and get out of my life."

Kendall did move, but only enough to join Harvey at the door. He shuffled Noah behind him, still holding the smaller hand. "I think you need to leave."

"What the...are you kidding me right now? Harvey, please just call James and tell him I'm here. He'll let me up."

"I'm sorry, sir, I was told not to disturb him. No one gets up there."

"Just call him."

Harvey started to argue again, but Kendall spoke up. "You know what, Harvey? I think that's the easiest way to settle this. Just call Mr. Diamond."

"Thank you!" Jett certainly didn't view Kendall as an ally, but he was grateful for what he thought was the sensible thing to do. "If James says not to let me up, I'll leave."

Kendall's lips twitched again; it was obvious Jett was positive James would give the okay. And suddenly Kendall wondered if he was right to be so positive. After all, as far as James knew Kendall and Noah were nowhere around. _Would_ James let this man up?

Kendall nodded to Harvey, who sighed but pulled out his phone and sent a call through. Both Jett and Kendall waited in anticipation to hear what "Mr. Diamond" would say. "Yes, sir, I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's a man here demanding to see you. Oh no, sir, not him. This is Mr. Jett." There was a pause while James spoke. "Yes, sir, I will convey the message. It's no problem, Mr. Diamond, this is my job. You too, sir. Thank you." Harvey cleared his throat after ending the call. "Mr. Diamond says he is so sorry for the trouble—"

Kendall's heart dropped.

"—and that he will call you tomorrow morning. For now, I cannot let you up."

And suddenly Kendall could breathe again. A slow smile stretched his lips. "Bye, Jett."

Jett ignored him. "Harvey, surely you misunderstood him."

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid I did not."

Kendall grinned down at Noah, who had been listening intently to all of it with little expression; he definitely inherited from James that ability to keep his thoughts neutral. "Shall we go on up now, Noah?" Noah nodded. To Jett, he said, "Is there a message you'd like me to pass on to James when I get to his apartment? I'd be more than happy to."

This time it was Harvey's lips that twitched.

"Excuse me?" Jett demanded.

"I'll take that as a no. That's fine, we have plans anyway. Harvey, keep up the good work. Nice meeting you, Jett!" Kendall called out cheerily as he and Noah made their way to the elevator.

As they waited for the doors to open, Noah asked in an undertone, "Was that one of the bad men?"

Kendall's heart sank again; he supposed that in Noah's estimation, he'd be "one of the bed men", too. Still... "I don't know about that, Noah, but he certainly isn't one of the good ones."

* * *

Though there were many things at the forefront of Kendall's mind as he shepherded Noah through the door, the first thing he did was to greet James with a smile and instruct Noah to take off the jacket so he could hang it up. Noah dutifully set down his grocery bag (gently, Kendall noted with pride) and shrugged out of the jacket. "Hey, why don't you show Dad what we got while I hang this up?"

Noah hesitated, but when Kendall silently nudged him with a nod, he reached into one of the bags Kendall had been carrying and drew out a hardback book.

James' face softened at the sight. "You bought him a book?"

"I figured a bedtime story wouldn't hurt," Kendall shrugged.

James knelt before Noah to look at it. " _The Little Book of Fairy Tales_ ," he read out loud. "What's your favorite fairy tale, Noah?"

Noah said nothing.

"We talked about that at the store," Kendall offered. "He doesn't believe in fairy tales."

An eye roll was James' reply. "Of course not. I bet your mother told you they don't come true, right?" Noah still didn't speak, so James tried again. "Right?"

It wasn't until Kendall squeezed the boy's shoulder that he answered. "Yeah. Not real."

"Well, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy them anyway," James pointed out. "You liked the movie we watched Thursday night, right?"

Noah nodded, still not meeting James' gaze.

"That's not real, but we still enjoyed it. I bet if Kendall reads it to you, you'd like it."

"Oh, I'm not good with bedtime stories," Kendall argued. "Katie can tell you. She says I don't know how to do voices, that all my characters sound the same. I was thinking _you_ could read to us."

 _Us._ The echo of the word in James' head was clear in the way his eyes warmed. "I could do that. For now, brunch is about ready, so you two just—"

"Hey," Kendall interrupted. "Noah. Why don't you go put that book in your room before we eat? And look around to figure out where you want the bookcase." The response was immediate, Noah practically skipping toward his bedroom. James opened his mouth but Kendall beat him to it. "We need to talk. Alone. Does he get a nap?"

The severity of Kendall's tone caused a chill to run up James' spine. "What's wrong?"

"Hurry, he'll be right back."

"I...I haven't tried that yet, but he did get tired at the zoo. I could tell."

"Five is still young enough for nap time, right?"

"I guess so. You're asking the guy who knows nothing about kids, remember?"

"Okay. After breakfast he's taking a nap."

James nodded slowly as Noah returned. "I found a place! In the corner!"

"Sounds great, buddy," Kendall grinned, letting the seriousness drain from his expression. "God, James, that bacon smells so good."

"Then sit down and eat already! Both of you, wash your hands. I'll take care of the groceries."

They obeyed the command, Kendall seeing that it was difficult for Noah to reach the faucet and making a mental note to pick up a step stool the following day. Maybe he should start a list.

Their plates were heaping with food by the time they took their seats at the table, Kendall purposely snagging the one farthest from James. Though he noticed the move, James said nothing about it. "Kendall, orange juice or milk?"

"Uh...milk actually sounds perfect. I haven't had that with a meal since I was a kid."

"It's what Noah likes," James smiled. "So I noticed you two picked up a few extras at the store. Are we snacking on M&M's tonight?"

"Don't touch those," Kendall warned. "They're for the brownies."

"I thought the chocolate chips were for the brownies."

"We can have both," Kendall shrugged. He thanked James for the glass of milk that was set down, then urged him to relax and join them. Noah had already dug into his pancakes but nodded when Kendall asked if he wanted syrup. "So...James. Tell me about Jett."

The fork dropped to James' plate with a clatter. "Jett? How do you know Jett?"

"We ran into him downstairs. Quite the asshole." Kendall cringed. "Sorry, Noah, I'll work on that. No more bad words."

Noah was too concerned with his bacon to care.

"Kendall," James scolded. "You don't even know him. You shouldn't judge people so quickly."

"He was rude to your son."

James' expression darkened. "Excuse me?"

"Noah accidentally bumped into him and the guy was a jerk about it."

"He yelled at Noah?"

"He didn't yell, but...he certainly wasn't very nice."

After blinking a few times, James announced, "He's dead to me."

Kendall smirked while forking up a bite of eggs scrambled with some sort of exquisite cheese. "Friend of yours from the club?"

"Something like that. He won't be back."

"So he's one of your... _friends_."

"Yes, Kendall, we talked about that. I'm not going to be ashamed of my actions before we..." Mindful of their present company, he finally finished, "...knew each other. But that's all over."

"I know. You sent him away. That's all I needed to know."

James set down his fork to stare across the table at Kendall. "Do you really have any doubts? Can I make myself any clearer than I have?"

"No," Kendall answered softly. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I get a little..."

"I know," James smiled. "I'd probably be the same way in your position." That sent his brain off further in that direction. "Do I need to be? Is there someone that's...you know. Like that? In your life?"

"Nope. School and work, that's pretty much all I do. At least, all that I can talk about." He caught Noah's eye and winked, the boy giggling through a mouthful of eggs. "Are these pancakes great or what?"

Noah nodded vehemently. "So good!"

James' face lit up. "Thanks, Noah! My secret is a little bit of cinnamon."

"But not too much," Kendall teased. "Too much cinnamon is a crime."

James kicked out a long leg, his foot barely nudging Kendall's ankle. "It ruins coffee, okay?"

Kendall quickly shot his own foot forward to keep James' from moving away. "I'm aware of that."

Food was forgotten as they stared at each other, James' socked foot now running up Kendall's calf. "Noah, after breakfast you're going to take a nap, okay?"

Noah's face fell, Kendall shocked to see tears springing up. Maybe the kid _didn't_ need naps. "Noah? Why does that upset you?" And they were back to this again, Noah shutting down; he didn't want to answer in front of James. _Too bad_ , Kendall thought. It was time to get past this. "Noah?"

Noah's bottom lip trembled. "You said we were gonna make brownies together."

"We are!"

"Hey," James soothed. "We're gonna wait for you. We weren't going to do anything until you wake up. Just an hour, okay? I can see that you're tired and honestly I think we could all use a nap. We won't touch the brownies without you."

"Promise?" Noah sniffed.

"I swear," James answered. He crossed his fingers over his heart. "Cross my heart, buddy. It wouldn't be fun without you anyway. In fact, if you want it to be just you and Kendall, that's okay, too. I can just...watch."

"No." Kendall shook his head. "You're helping. Look at this guy," he said to Noah. "Trying to get out of work. Besides, we don't know our way around that kitchen. We need you. Noah's fine with it."

In truth Kendall wasn't sure that Noah was, but again...too bad. He needed to learn that James wasn't the enemy.

James picked up a napkin and then leaned over to wipe away the tears that had fallen down Noah's cheeks. "I swear," he said again, and Noah nodded. "Want some more milk?"

"Yeah." After a second, he added, "Please."

James had already been standing, but stopped to stare down at Noah with a bright smile. "Kendall? More milk?"

"Nah, I'm good." Once James had moved away, Kendall whispered, "Nice job, buddy. And I promise, we'll wait for you. I want him to do as much stuff with us as possible so I can get to know him better."

"Okay."

"If he's this good at pancakes, imagine how much better my brownies will taste with his help."

Noah's eyes widened, his lips spreading into a grin.

By the time Kendall was done working his magic, Noah would be _begging_ for James to join them on their adventures.

Or so he hoped.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N—Happy Friday! It feels like forever since I posted this story, but it's only been a week. Thanks to those who read "Process of Elimination" in the meantime. I'm glad you liked it. It was supposed to end where it did, but I'm trying to decide if I want to add more. If you have an opinion on that, please let me know!

And now back to "Magic." We left off with Kendall having brunch with James and Noah, and they were discussing nap time and brownies. Mmm, brownies suddenly sound really good. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading.

* * *

Getting Noah into bed was a breeze. James had insisted that Kendall do that while he cleaned up the dishes from brunch, so of course Noah raised no argument when Kendall directed him to bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and brushed Noah's bangs back from his forehead. "We won't be far, so just call if you need us, okay?"

"You won't leave?"

"Nope. I'm here until after dinner. If it's okay, I'd like to stay until you go to bed tonight."

Noah nodded against the pillow. "Are you gonna take a nap?"

"I don't know. I might use the time to get to know your dad better. I want to really get him talking, you know? Show his true self."

"Grandma says he's not really nice like he pretends to be," Noah confided quietly. "It's fake."

"Is it?" Kendall held back a sigh. "Why would he pretend to be nice if he's actually not?"

"I don't know."

"That's something to think about, you know. So you're afraid that all of this is fake, and he's going to suddenly be mean once you trust him?"

Another nod.

"No wonder you're so scared to say anything. Look, if that's true, I'll find out. I can tell when people are lying just to pretend. So far I don't see that in your dad. He really does love you, Noah."

"It's pretend," Noah whispered. "He'll get mean again."

"But you said he hasn't been mean to you before. Is that true?"

"Not yet. But he will."

Noah seemed so certain, as if he'd seen it before. It was something to explore when they had more time. "So is he pretending to be nice to me, too?"

This time Noah shrugged. "Just be careful when you're alone with him."

"Right," Kendall sighed. "Because he might touch me."

"Uh huh."

"Okay, I'm gonna go spend some time with him and talk to him. You call us if you need anything." Spying the huge lion propped next to the bed, he laid a hand on it and added, "And don't forget, even if I'm not in the room, I'm here watching you. Got it?"

"Yeah. Be careful!"

Kendall squeezed Noah's shoulder before standing from the bed. "Don't worry about me. Just get some sleep, and then we'll make brownies. Together."

"Okay!"

Kendall closed the bedroom door most of the way, then let his own fake smile die. He barely glanced over at James as he approached. "Set down that plate. We're going to talk. Now."

James didn't argue. Instead he shut off the faucet and dried his hands, then apprehensively approached his bedroom, where Kendall was pacing back and forth near the bed. "Is he asleep?"

"Not yet. James..." Kendall halted and locked gazes with his boyfriend, not wanting to have this discussion that would enrage James at the very least. "I don't even know where to start."

"Is this about Jett?" James' hands were wringing together nervously.

"No. Babe, I don't care about Jett. I mean, I was jealous for a second, but...he's not important. None of that is. I got Noah talking a little bit on the way home."

"Okay. Okay, good, this is good, we can work through this." After bracing himself, James sank onto the bed and looked up. "Why does he hate me?"

Kendall's mouth worked silently.

"Babe, talk to me. Did I do something wrong?"

"No." That was easy to answer, and it was the opening Kendall needed. He knelt in front of James, taking both hands in his. "You've done _nothing_ wrong. It's all shit that was put into his head before he even came to live with you. Did Shannon know you're gay?"

A hard swallow preceded James' answer. "Gay? This is about me being gay?"

"Just answer the question."

"Well...I mean...yeah. We talked about it here and there, when I was confused. When Logan was confused. Even the night we slept together, we talked about it. She was afraid I wouldn't have sex with her because I was more into guys. I'd told her that I was pretty sure I was gay. But she never had a problem with it. Logan knew before I did, he was already trying to date guys by the time I figured out my own sexuality. She loved us anyway. There's no way she tried to turn Noah against me for that reason."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, she wouldn't do that!"

"You didn't think she'd hide your son from you, either," Kendall pointed out.

James didn't want to think about Shannon. "Just tell me what Noah said. Did he _say_ she told him I was gay?"

"No, he actually said Shannon didn't say anything bad about you. I was asking questions, trying to narrow down who told him you were a bad person. He kept saying no to everyone until I got to his grandmother." James' eyes flashed. "He wouldn't answer when I asked about her. My guess is there's your reason. Because she apparently filled his head with all kinds of ideas about you."

"Motherfucking _bitch!_ " James yelled, standing up to move away from the bed.

"Babe," Kendall warned. "No yelling. That's what he's afraid of, that you're mean and all the nice things are fake. He says you're pretending."

"I'm gonna fucking kill her!"

Kendall hurriedly ran over to shut the bedroom door. "James. Look at me. You getting angry isn't helping."

"How the fuck am I not supposed to get angry over this? My son thinks I'm a fucking monster because that stupid motherfucking bitch told him I am!"

"I know. I get it, I'm livid about it, too. But you have to be rational about this."

"I don't have to be rational about anything! Where's my phone?" James reached into his pocket for it. "She's gonna fucking pay for this, I won't have my son growing up—"

"No no no," Kendall soothed, dragging James' hand away from the pocket and into his own. "Calling her and yelling at her is only going to make this worse."

"I'm not going to just fucking take it! She always hated me, she always said I was worthless trash, and now she's telling my son that. I'm not going to—wait. Why were you asking about the gay stuff? She never knew I was gay. Unless...oh god. Shannon, no. No, Shannon, _why_. Why would you do that to me? Fuck!" James fell back to the bed again, his free hand covering his eyes. "What the fuck was she thinking?"

Kendall wasn't sure how to answer that, or if he was even expected to. He silently let James puzzle it out, keeping James' hand secure in his.

"Fuck. She probably told her mom everything once she realized she was stuck. Maybe even used that as a reason to hide Noah from me. But you said Noah said she didn't say bad things?"

"I got the feeling it was more the grandmother." Kendall lowered himself to the edge of the bed, using his right foot against the floor to keep him from slipping off; James had spread out across the mattress.

"I'm sure it was." James at least seemed more calm now. "So...I'm confused. Is he afraid of me because I'm gay or because he thinks I'm pretending to be nice? I don't get it."

"Let me try to remember exactly what he said."

Kendall thought back and repeated his conversations with Noah, James listening closely. "He really said that? 'He'll get mean again?'"

"Yeah."

"But I've never been mean in front of him. Which means...he was told that I used to be mean? Or that it's my default?"

"I don't know," Kendall sighed. "I think Logan was right, though, and that the more you learn about Shannon, the more you'll understand where Noah got these ideas."

"I already know that. He's made it clear who put this shit in his head." James rolled over onto his side, cuddling up to Kendall's thigh. "So how do we fix this? Obviously in time he'll realize this is the real me and that I'm not faking. I know that won't happen overnight."

"I'm working on it," Kendall soothed. He ran a hand over James' hair, James burrowing into the touch. "Told him I'm getting to know you so I can find out what you're really like."

"And he trusts you. Thank God he trusts one of us. Thank you, Kendall. Thank you for just...being in my life and being what he needs."

"You are, too. I promise, once he opens up to you, he'll trust you, too."

"I hope so. So then...hang on." James raised himself onto one elbow to stare up at Kendall. "If he believes you and what you say, then you can just tell him it's not wrong for us to touch. That his grandmother's wrong and it's not evil or bad, that it's...love."

"It's not that easy, babe."

"Of course it is. He'll believe whatever you say."

"If that was true, he wouldn't still be afraid of you. And think about it. Let's say that worked, suddenly he's fine with us being a couple. He gets on the phone and tells them 'You were wrong, Daddy's boyfriend says it's okay for two men to touch each other.' That wouldn't end well."

"What does it matter? I'm his dad, I have custody. There's nothing they can do about it."

"Actually..."

Now James sat up fully, legs bent and crossed. Kendall moved to mirror his position. "They can't take him from me," James pointed out. "I'm his _father._ "

"You are, but if they think you're an unfit father, they can get social services involved. You don't want that."

"What's social services gonna do?"

"Take Noah away."

"Bullshit. I'm his dad, they can't."

"Babe, they can if they think Noah's in any kind of danger here. The welfare of the child is what matters."

"But he's fine here! He's being taken care of and loved."

"I know. All I'm saying is that if they get even a hint that's not the case, it gives them grounds to take their case to a judge."

"What case? Babe...no. No, they can't do that."

Kendall squeezed James' hands in both his own. "Listen. What if he was being abused in some way? Forget Noah, think about it as some random kid. And he was being abused. Wouldn't you want him away from his parents? In a better place, with family or even a foster home where he was taken care of?"

"Of course, but...Noah's not being abused."

"You and I both know that. If this bitch of a grandmother thinks he is, she'll fight for custody and try to take him from you."

"Over my dead body."

"James." Kendall took a deep, bracing breath. "My point is that she could make things very difficult for you. You and I both know homosexuality isn't wrong. For the most part, it's becoming more accepted in this country. But there are still those who might rule in her favor. I've read case studies where it's happened, a judge rules that custody be given to the straight parent after a couple divorces because one is gay."

"Okay, fine, but there is no straight parent here. At least...not anymore."

"All I'm saying is we need to be careful about what gets back to his grandparents."

"So...I'm just supposed to pretend to be straight? Pretend I don't have a boyfriend I want to move in here? Pretend I'm not in love with a man? For how long, Kendall? Forever? No. No, I'm not doing that. You are exactly what Noah needs as a father figure, you're good and noble and strong and he already looks up to you. It's not wrong!"

"I know, love. Trust me, there's a part of me that wants to pack up all my shit and move in tomorrow."

"Then do it! I know the place is small, and with Carlos here it will be crowded but we can make it work! We can find a bigger place, whatever it takes. I want you here, I want you in his life, I want...I just want you here."

"I know." Kendall shifted to lean back against the headboard, pulling James closer and settling him on his lap so he could hold James because he'd picked up that tears weren't too far off.

"How long am I supposed to pretend that we're not in love? I did all that, I stifled myself for so long in high school and I don't want to go back to that. I'm gay and I'm not ashamed of it."

"You shouldn't be. But for Noah's sake, there are going to be sacrifices we have to make."

"Fuck that. I mean, yeah, obviously I'll make sacrifices but I don't want my kid growing up thinking this is wrong. It's everything I've ever dreamed of and it's beautiful. He already loves you, I know he does. I can see it."

"He asked me to move in," Kendall admitted with a smile. "I told him about Carlos. Wait, have you talked to Carlos today?"

"Yeah. Yeah, he told me he's taking the offer. But Noah wants you here?"

"When I told him Carlos was moving in to take care of him, he asked if I could. He was worried that once Carlos did, I wouldn't come around anymore."

James closed his eyes on a deep sigh. "See? He's as afraid to lose you as I am. This is where you belong, Kendall. Your two biggest fans under one roof. How can you say no to that?"

Kendall chuckled while squeezing James tight. "It's too soon, babe. Not for me, but for Noah. You two really do need that time together, without a third person around."

"But what if the only way we can talk to each other is _through_ that third person?"

"That's what I'm working on this weekend."

James bit his lip. His mind was spinning with everything that had been thrown at him. "How do I make him understand that I love him? That I want him here?"

"Time. That's really the only answer. But you have to make sure you have that time and that he doesn't get taken away."

"So...if you're not here as my boyfriend, why does he think you're here?"

"To protect him. Look out for him. Keep him safe."

James nodded slowly. "None of that is a lie, is it?"

"No."

After lifting his lips to Kendall's, James whispered, "That's how I know I'm going to marry you."

* * *

They agreed to put the problem out of their minds for the rest of the night in order to spend time together as what James had called a "family." He agreed that he would keep his hands to himself, so as not to distance Noah further, and when Noah toddled out to the kitchen after waking from his nap, James smiled. It took him by surprise sometimes, the resemblance they shared. The messy hair and sleepy eyes felt like looking into a mirror that somehow transported the looker twenty years into the past. "How did you sleep, Munchkin?"

Noah frowned while rubbing at his eyes. "Munchkin? What's that?"

Kendall paused in the act of removing materials from the bag he'd put together that morning. "It's from _Wizard of Oz_. You know, Dorothy and Toto? The Cowardly Lion?" When Noah continued to look lost, Kendall shook his head gravely. "We are fixing that tonight. You can't ignore that classic."

"It's a movie," James explained. "Though I think Logan told me it was a book first. Either way, it's a fun movie and if you're cool with it, we can watch that after dinner tonight."

"You'll like it," Kendall assured him when Noah continued to look dubious. "There's a wizard in it," he winked.

Noah's expression lifted. "Cool! When can we make brownies?"

"Right now, buddy." Kendall reached around James for the bag of M&M's. "We waited for you just like we promised."

James moved to the dining area and returned with a chair that he pushed up against the counter, then reached down to lift Noah up onto it. "Here, now you can reach. What sort of dishes do you need for this, Kendall?"

"Like you don't know? You're the chef around here."

"Desserts aren't my thing. The truth is I'm not very good at them. For some reason, I do best with actual meals."

"Well, I excel at desserts, so we make a great team," Kendall grinned. He shook his head slightly when he read in James' eyes that he wanted to lean in for a kiss. "You ready, Noah?"

"Wait, wash your hands!" James scooped Noah off the chair, doing an airplane spin with him. Kendall watched closely, noting that rather than laugh, Noah froze up and clutched at James in a panic as if he might be dropped. It made him sad, as he knew the reaction would've been different had he made the same gesture.

 _Time. It's just gonna take time._

Still, Noah allowed James to carry him, and that was progress.

Both James and Noah paid Kendall close attention as he instructed them in the fine art of putting together a batch of brownies. Noah asked a lot of questions while James stood by and beamed with pride each time, and Kendall could practically read his thoughts: _That's my son, he's so smart. That's my boy._ Though Noah still didn't seem to want to get too near James, it was nice to see them enjoying an activity together.

Kendall was amused when he realized James was taking notes, literally listing the steps in his phone so he could bake this himself if need be. Noah stirred the batter and gave his approval when Kendall asked if it "was good enough." Once the pan was ready for the oven, it was James' job to set the timer; Kendall coached Noah on how to carefully slide the pan in, and then...

"Now we wait."

"How long?" Noah wanted to know.

Kendall deferred to their master timer, who answered, "Twenty-five minutes. What can we do in twenty-five minutes?"

Noah shrugged.

"I have an idea," Kendall suggested. "Noah, why don't you show me where you want your bookcase and we can plan that out? We'll leave Dad here to clean up and get the kitchen ready for tacos."

"Oh, I see how it is. You're leaving me to clean up the mess?" James teased. He smiled when Noah looked apologetic. "I'm kidding. That sounds great, I prefer to clean alone anyway. I'll call you when the timer goes off."

"Promise?" Noah asked.

"Promise. Go on, I need to ask Kendall something first."

Noah waited until Kendall confirmed that it was fine to leave him alone with James before scampering off.

"Are you going to talk to him some more?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "I'll give him the update on how my talk with you went earlier. You know, me feeling you out and all."

James pressed Kendall back against the counter and purred, "Mmm, I like the sound of that. Want to 'feel me out' tonight?"

Kendall's breathing stuttered; his body hadn't forgotten what James' felt like and craved to experience that again. "We'll see. I still have to be careful."

"I have condoms," James joked, then giggled when Kendall rolled his eyes. "I know, I know, that's not what you meant. Just...talk to him. Tell him I'm not the big bad wolf."

"Working on it. You were great, by the way. I can tell he likes you, even if he doesn't want to. Just keep doing what you're doing."

"If nothing else, I've got pancakes and tacos going for me."

"So much more," Kendall whispered. He snuck a glance behind and toward the bedroom before nipping at James' lips. "Call us when the timer goes off."

"Make sure my son knows I'm not a monster."

He couldn't resist one more lip press before pushing James away. "And don't forget to rent _Wizard of Oz._ "

"You know, the monkeys in that movie scared the shit out of me when I was his age. Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Positive. I bet we find out he likes music just as much as you do."

The prospect of that decided it, and James quickly set to work setting up the rental.

* * *

"Do you mind if I close the door?"

Noah looked up from the desk, where he'd parked himself while waiting for Kendall. He shook his head, then waited until Kendall sat on the bed to say, "That way he won't hear us."

"Exactly. You know I just wanted an excuse to talk to you alone, right?"

"Yeah. What did you find out?"

"Well, I learned a little about his past. He told me some things about your mom and about Uncle Logan." Kendall was totally flying on instinct here, hoping he said the right things. "Did you know they were all friends when they were kids?"

Noah shook his head.

"What can you tell me about your dad? What did you learn before you came here? It would help me to know so I can decide if he's hiding things."

Noah debated that, Kendall giving him the space to do so. It felt like an eternity before Noah finally replied. "He doesn't want me."

"No? Is that why he wasn't around until now?"

Noah nodded. "Grandma told me. He did bad things and didn't want to take care of me."

Kendall's stomach churned and he was back to fighting down that red haze. "What sort of bad things?"

"He made my mom bad."

 _What the fuck?_ "He made your mom bad? How? What did he do?"

"Showed her bad things. Then she was bad. And she died. It's his fault."

 _Holy fucking shit._ Chills swept through Kendall. "It's his fault that your mom died?"

Another solemn nod.

"Do you know why your mom died? I mean...how?"

"She got sick. She was sick all the time."

"And it's his fault? He made her sick?"

"Yeah. I don't want him to make you sick, too."

"Oh, he won't. I promise you that. Do you know how he made her sick?"

"Bad stuff. Grandma said he gave her bad stuff to make her act weird. He showed her how."

A vague suspicion was forming in Kendall's mind. "What sort of bad stuff? Like...pills?"

Noah nodded. Kendall took a deep breath. "I'll tell you something that I did learn today for sure. Your dad doesn't do that bad stuff anymore." Noah looked up in surprise (and maybe a little bit of hope), and Kendall continued. "I promise. I'd know if he did. I could tell."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. He did used to do the bad stuff, your grandma's right about that. But he hasn't for a long time."

Noah swallowed hard. "Promise?"

"I swear, buddy. Is that how your mom died? From the bad stuff?"

"She got sick. Because she kept doing it. She would stop and things were good but then she would do it again and it was bad."

"Okay. So...are you afraid your dad's gonna start doing it and then he'll be weird?"

"Yeah."

"He won't."

"She always said that, too."

 _Oh, fuck._ "I'll make sure. I'll be here whenever I can to check on your dad and make sure he stays good."

That wasn't enough for Noah. "What if he dies, too? Like Mom did? Will I have to go back to Grandma?"

"Not if I can help it. And listen, your dad's not going anywhere. I don't know why your grandma said those things, maybe she believed them. But she's wrong. Your dad does want you."

"Nuh uh, she said he would come see me if he loved me. If he wanted me. He never came."

Kendall's eyes fell shut. There was no way to explain that without ripping apart Shannon's memory in Noah's mind. "Noah...your dad...I can promise you this. Whatever kept him away before, that's over. He wants you to live here. He loves you so much."

"Are you sure? He's not just saying that?"

"I'm positive, because I'm not basing this off of what he says. I can see it in the way he looks at you. Hear it in the way he talks to you. All he wants is for you to be happy and to love him. If you let him, he'll take care of you."

"I'm scared. What if I believe and then he gets mean? What if the bad stuff starts happening?"

"I won't let it. I'm not going to disappear, and neither is your dad. We're here for you."

"But what if he touches you and you don't want to be here then? Grandma said he has that evil in him that makes him want to touch boys."

Again Kendall had the passing thought that he would gladly throttle the woman. "Let me worry about that, okay? Even if he does touch me, I won't leave."

"You won't?"

"No. Because I'm here to protect you. I'll keep my eye on him for the rest of the night, make sure he's not faking anything. So far he hasn't."

"Not even when he carried me to the bathroom like I was a airplane?"

"Nope," Kendall smiled. "That was real. He's kind of a silly guy, but I like that about him."

Noah's lips twitched. "It was fun."

"It looked fun. You know what else was fun? Making brownies with him. He was even nice enough to let you lick the spoon."

"It tasted so good!"

"Wait until you try the finished product." Noah laughed and it was a soothing sound. "So how about this? We'll snack on some brownies and let Dad make us killer tacos for dinner, then we'll all watch a movie together?"

"And you'll stay until after I go to bed?"

"I will, because I already promised. And I don't break promises, Noah."

Noah jumped up and ran to Kendall, hugging himself to Kendall's chest. Kendall squeezed back, wishing he could take away all of the fear and sadness bottled up inside this little boy. "It's gonna be okay, buddy. We're gonna be fine."

Noah didn't seem too sure of that, but his trust in Kendall was ironclad. "Will he really read me a bedtime story?"

"Absolutely. Don't tell him I told you this, but he's excited about it. I can tell."

"Me, too!"

"Want to know another secret? I am, too."

Noah giggled, bringing another squeeze out of Kendall. It was slow going, but he thought family day might just turn out okay after all.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N—And we're back for more of this one. Now that "Process of Elimination" is done, I'll be getting back to a regular posting schedule for this story. Thanks again to those who read the Valentine story. It was a fun little break from the heaviness of this one.

As a reminder, we're still on Saturday and Kendall's first visit to hang out with Noah and James for the evening. This chapter takes us through the rest of the day. Hope you enjoy it! :)

* * *

Kendall handled bath time, leaving James free to hum and dance his way through after-dinner cleaning duties. James kept the music low enough so that he could hear the occasional laughter that floated his way from the bathroom, and each time it happened his smile widened. By the time Kendall stepped up behind him and let his lips touch down on James' neck, James was beaming with happiness.

"I forgot to get a clean towel. He's ready to get out."

"I love you." James spun away from the sink to say it again, eyes intense as they met bright green ones. "I _love_ you. If there's one thing in life you never doubt, let it be that."

Kendall's heart did a huge somersault. He glanced back over his shoulder to make sure Noah was nowhere around, then lifted his lips to James' for a proper, if soft, kiss. "You could hear us in there?"

"Not so much the words, but the laughter. Nothing makes me happier than hearing you two laugh. I just discovered that."

"I can relate. Also, that apron does incredible things to me. I want to take you right here on the counter, with the apron on."

"You're a kinky fucker," James grinned. "But I like that about you." He pushed Kendall lightly away. "Clean towels are in the closet across from the bathroom. His dirty clothes go in the hamper in my room. I need to buy him one tomorrow."

"I'll add that to my list. He also needs bath toys." Kendall started to walk away.

"You have...a list?"

"Just in my head." He turned back to add, "So far it's bath toys, a step stool, more bedding, that bookcase, tons of books to fill it...oh, and if we can squeeze it in tomorrow, maybe we can hit up a book store. I think he'd love that."

James stared across the space with that look in his eyes that told Kendall he was two seconds away from begging for Kendall to move in again—or at the very least, to stay the night. Kendall diverted him with a smile and, "I love you, too." After a wink, he headed for the hall closet.

The look in James' eyes stayed with him, though, and he knew he couldn't bear to leave before morning.

* * *

Noah asked many questions during _The Wizard of Oz_. They answered them the best they could, and when Noah made a comment along the lines of "that can't happen" for the third time, Kendall paused the movie and turned to the boy, who was seated in between them on the large sofa and cuddled up to Kendall.

"You read a lot of books, right?"

Noah looked up and nodded, James also curious to see where Kendall was taking this.

"Are they all about real things? How about the dog who solves mysteries? You know that can't really happen."

"I guess," Noah frowned.

"But you still like the book, right?"

"Yeah. It's fun to see it happening in my head."

Now James was catching on. "And the movie we watched with those wizards in it. You know wizards don't exist, but you loved that movie."

Noah's head slowly spun around to stare up at James. "Wizards do exist."

Kendall swallowed, shaking his head at James before his boyfriend could ruin the connection he'd built with Noah. "They do?" James finally asked.

"Yeah," Noah replied. "But they can't tell anyone, so nobody believes in them."

James nodded as if considering the idea. "I see. So...wizards are real, but Santa Claus isn't?"

Now Noah looked to Kendall for an answer. "Actually, James, Santa is. But you can't tell anyone."

"Yeah," Noah agreed. "It's a secret."

"A secret. Okay. So...getting back to the movie."

"Oh, right." Kendall had forgotten his point for a moment. "So Noah, just like with books, movies expect you to believe that what you're seeing is happening. Even if it doesn't make sense. That's the fun! We know scarecrows can't come to life and dance. We know lions can't talk and walk on two legs."

"Yeah, it would've said that at the zoo if they could!"

"Exactly. And we know trees don't talk and monkeys don't fly. But isn't it great to watch it happen anyway?"

"It is fun," Noah admitted. "'Cept the monkeys are kind of scary."

"Told you," James mouthed.

Kendall grinned. "Yeah, they can be. But it's part of the fun. So how about we watch the movie and instead of worrying that this stuff can't happen, we just accept that in Oz it's real and have fun with it?"

"I like the Munchkins. But when do we meet the wizard?"

"Let's watch and find out."

Noah was happy enough to return his focus to the television, and after that there were no more comments about things being unrealistic; instead, Noah was able to lose himself in the story the way a child should (and the way many adults could if they allowed themselves to). It gave James the freedom to reach across the back of the couch and rest his fingers on Kendall's shoulder, an innocent touch that was enough. Kendall got the message that James was glad he was there and was enjoying the time spent with them as a family.

They'd expected Noah to be sleepy by the time the movie ended, as it was after nine o'clock, but when James instructed him to go get ready for his bedtime story, the boy hopped up from the sofa and literally danced his way to the bedroom. James watched in awe while Kendall laughed, and then it got better—Noah began to sing.

"Because because because because becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause...because of the wonderful things he does! Do do doo doo do do do doo." Each "do doo" was punctuated by a stomp as he walked, Noah even spinning around once before continuing on toward his room with a loud "We're off the see the wizard...the wonderful wizard of Oz!"

"Oh my god, your kid is fantastic." Kendall was still smiling as he turned to James, but the smile died at the sight of tears pouring down James' cheeks. "Babe. Babe, it's okay."

"He's so happy," James whispered, his breath hitching. "Did you see that? Did you _hear_ it? My son is happy!"

"Yes, he is. And he's going to be happier as time goes on. I told you, it's gonna be fine."

Shaky hands brushed across James' cheeks.

"Why don't you go in the bathroom and calm down while I get him ready? Where's the book I bought him?"

"I put it on his desk," James sniffed. "Kendall...when he looks like that. When he sings and dances like that. It's..."

"I know. I'd kiss you but he might walk out. Go clean yourself up, gorgeous."

"Yeah, I'm sure I'm so hot with my eyes all puffy and wet."

"You're beautiful," Kendall stated with conviction. "I happen to like the sensitive side of you."

"Okay, fine. Go get him in bed."

"On it."

He found Noah perched on the short desk chair, book already in hand and legs swinging back and forth. "You had entirely too much sugar today," Kendall teased. "We're cutting back on sweets for you."

"No way! I love the brownies!"

"I knew you would. Come on, let's get into bed so Dad can read to us."

Kendall pulled back the blankets. After passing over the book, Noah climbed in under them. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course." He covered Noah before adding, "But don't forget, you have your lion here to watch over you, too."

"I know. It's not the same, though."

Kendall was sure it wasn't.

"When are you leaving?"

"Uh...probably after you fall asleep. I might stay and talk to your dad for a little bit."

"But you'll come back tomorrow?"

"I will," Kendall promised. "I have some things I need to do in the morning, but we can meet for lunch and then we have lots of shopping to do. We even have a surprise planned for you."

"What?!"

"I can't tell you or it wouldn't be a surprise," Kendall winked. Leaving the book on the desk, he stretched out on his side between Noah and the wall. It was a cozy fit, but the bed was just big enough to accommodate them. "You comfy?"

"Yeah. I like my new bed."

"Do you?" Kendall's heart expanded. "I'm sure it was crafted with care just for you. How about the desk, do you like that?"

"Yeah, it's not too big. You won't let any monsters get me, right?"

Kendall held in a sigh; the subject change was proof that the fear was still close to the surface and made him want to hug the boy. Then he realized he could, so he did. He hugged Noah to his chest, the smaller body cuddling back against him. "I won't let any monsters get you," he confirmed. "They know better than to mess with me. Well...except..."

Noah stiffened. "Except what?"

"I probably shouldn't mention this, but since I never know when it's going to show up, I'd better warn you. There is one monster I have no control over. He comes when I'm not ready and I can't keep him away. But his attack is always the same. He takes over my body."

Terror was rapidly filling Noah, and Kendall almost felt bad. "What does he do?"

"I'm hoping you never have to find out."

Noah's teeth dug into his bottom lip. "Where's Daddy? Do you think the monster got him?"

"No. We would've heard your dad's screams. He'll be in soon. I bet he's probably out there cleaning up the—oh. Oh no."

Now Noah's eyes were wide and scared. He twisted back to look at Kendall. "What's wrong?"

"He's coming. The monster is coming. My arm is numb, he's got my arm, Noah!"

"What do I do?!"

"It's too late, he's here, it's the...Tickle Monster!" Kendall's fingers curled and dug into Noah's side, tickling him like crazy. Noah let out a high-pitched shriek of laughter, his little feet kicking back and forth against Kendall's knees as he squirmed.

"Stop! Make him stop!" Noah was breathless with giggles.

Kendall did, but only for a few moments. "Whoa, he got you good. You okay? Wait...uh oh..." Kendall went in for another attack, Noah screaming with it until James came running into the room.

"What's wrong?! What's happening?!"

The panic on James' face got Kendall to stop; James had been through enough emotional upheaval already. "Sorry. The uh...the Tickle Monster showed up."

"The...Tickle Monster." James took in Noah's red face and bright eyes along with the last of Noah's giggles tapering away and let out a breath. "I see."

"He's ruthless," Kendall commented. "I can't control him. He got Noah pretty good."

"So I heard." James' lips twitched. "You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah. Are you gonna read to us?"

James nodded slowly, settling onto the desk chair that was too small for him and reaching for the book of fairy tales. "Did you pick out a story?"

Noah's face shifted against the pillow as he shook his head. "You should start at the beginning when you read a book. It's the only way it makes sense."

"Good to know." James cleared his throat and opened the book, paging to the beginning of the first story. "Let's see, oh it's 'Jack and the Beanstalk.' I always liked this one. There's a giant and—"

Kendall cut him off. "Hey, don't spoil it. Some of us have never heard it."

"Right, sorry," James chuckled. "Okay, so...once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack who—"

He was interrupted by a sudden shriek from the bed, where Noah was once again squirming and laughing.

"Oh no, it's back!" Kendall yelled, his hand showing no mercy against Noah's tummy.

"Help! Daddy, help me!"

The book was immediately tossed aside, James leaping to the bed to "free" his son from the monster. He managed to subdue Kendall's arm, pinning it to the pillow above Kendall's head while straddling him. "I got it, Noah! It's okay, you're safe!"

Noah scooted as far from Kendall as he could without falling off the bed, still trying to catch his breath after laughing so hard. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! He's done for the night." James raised an eyebrow at Kendall, who smirked back with a gleam in his eye. "Right?"

"I think so. Usually he doesn't go for more than three attacks at a time."

"Good. Now maybe we can continue with—"

"Or does he?" Kendall suddenly asked, turning the attack on James. He used his free hand to do it, letting his fingers dig into James' midsection until James was the one shrieking and trying to get away.

"Noah, help!"

"Oh, no! I'll save you, Daddy!" Noah sat up and reached for Kendall's right hand, Kendall allowing him to move it away from James and up to join the one James still had pinned. "We got him!"

"We did! Teamwork, Munchkin!" When James held up his palm, Noah let go with one hand and slapped the high five back.

Kendall watched with a grin, a little concerned that James might explode from the happiness radiating out of his face. "Okay. I think he's really done this time. He can't fight both of you, and now he knows better than to attack when you're both here."

"He'd better be done," James warned. "My son doesn't need to be riled up like this right before bed."

"Yeah," Kendall chuckled, knowing that James didn't really mind. "Thanks for fighting him off, guys. Nice job."

Noah slowly got settled in again while James moved off of Kendall to pick up the book that had landed on the floor. Rather than move back to the desk, though, he perched on a corner of the bed just below Noah's feet and continued the story from there. Had Katie been present, she would've said that James did all the voices just right. Kendall fell more in love with each word, and even after Noah fell asleep he prompted James to continue.

He could've listened to James all night.

* * *

James had other ideas for the rest of their evening, though. The story done, he rose from the bed and pulled Kendall up with him, then made sure the blankets were wrapped around his son before kissing a warm cheek. Once the lamp was shut off, he grabbed Kendall's hand and moved toward the door.

"We need to get him a night light," Kendall said.

James only nodded, at least until they'd made it to the living room, and there he lost control.

Kendall was pinned to the wall before he was even aware of James' intentions. He gasped at the suddenness of the movement, groaning when a demanding tongue was shoved forcefully into his mouth. The desire that had been pulsing just below the surface all day surged to the forefront and Kendall rolled his hips forward; he was rewarded with a whine of need.

"We have a lot to talk about. That needs to be the—"

"After."

Kendall bit his own lip hard. "We really shouldn't do this with Noah in the house," he tried weakly, knowing it was a feeble argument.

"Five minutes. That's all it's gonna take, trust me."

Kendall wouldn't be surprised if it took two. Had he ever been this turned on? Yes, he remembered this intense desperation from their first and only night together, when James had been teasing him so mercilessly with a dance. Would it always be like this for them, like a switch that could be flipped in the span of a second?

 _God, I hope so._

They stumbled through the living room and toward the hallway, clothes partially undone with each step and their mouths rarely parting. By the time they reached the room, Kendall had lifted James off his feet so that James was wrapped around him, and they fell to the bed together before Kendall went to work on James' pants in a frenzy of need.

"I love this side of you," James whispered. "I love that it's not just me."

"Not just you," Kendall agreed. The pants and boxers were dragged down roughly. While Kendall was getting rid of his own pants, James took care of the supplies they'd need. "It's gonna have to be quick," Kendall warned. "I don't want to take a chance that—"

"I know. I'm listening for him, too. But like I said, this will be over before—" He gasped as his own fingers slipped inside to prepare himself. "Oh god. I may not even last long enough for you to get inside me."

"Oh, like hell you won't." Kendall snatched the lube from James and drizzled it down over the condom he'd hurriedly stretched over himself. A few strokes to spread the liquid around were enough to have him moaning softly. "Babe...hurry."

"Good enough." James shoved Kendall to the bed before climbing on top of him. "I want to ride you like a fucking bull."

"Oh my god," Kendall breathed, entire body shuddering. The sensations quadrupled once James took him in. He stared up at the beauty above him, only realizing when he could make out James' features that they'd left the door wide open. "The door," he managed.

"He's asleep. Just..." James started to move, body arching as his head fell back. "Oh, fuck. Fuck, you feel so good."

Their arousal was ratcheted up by the fact that they were forced to keep their cries held in. Kendall missed the sounds that James made, wondering if he'd ever get to hear them again or if it would always be like this—quick and quiet, with no time to really enjoy the experience.

 _No. Uncle Carlos will take Noah out for at least an hour each week. Whether he likes it or not._

Even so it was absolute bliss as his hands caressed warm skin while James moved in slow circles over him, following whatever music was running through his mind. Kendall would never tire of watching this, the graceful body losing itself in a rhythm. "Promise me this forever."

The words shocked James into orgasm so suddenly that Kendall had to raise a hand to his mouth to stifle the sounds coming out. He forced himself to hold on until James was spent, then used James' mouth to muffle his own cries. James kissed him as if he couldn't get enough, finally whispering, "As long as you want it. I'm yours." He collapsed against Kendall, who held him tight as their hearts slowed.

"Did you hear him?" James suddenly asked. "He called me Daddy. He asked me to rescue him!"

"Yeah, he did," Kendall grinned. "He even high-fived you."

"I know!" James squealed, prompting Kendall to shush him because he was too loud. "Sorry, I just..."

"I get it. We're getting there, James."

"It's amazing. One night with you here and he's laughing and dancing and _singing_ , did you hear him singing?"

"I heard," Kendall chuckled. "I love that kid."

"He loves you, too." James kissed Kendall softly. "I'm telling you, you need to just move in with us."

"And I'm telling _you_ , you two need time alone to bond first. He's starting to trust you more now and once he's okay with you alone, then we'll talk about adding me to the mix."

"Please, you're already in the mix."

"I know, but..." Kendall hesitated, not wanting to ruin James' happiness. "We really do have to talk. He's got a lot buried that I think I've only just scratched the surface of."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. Unless...are you leaving right now?"

It was the same scared tone that Noah used when he asked the question; it twisted Kendall's heart. "Let's get dressed so that if he does wake up, we can just...say we fell asleep talking. I told him I wanted to stay and talk to you for awhile."

"Okay. But are you leaving after?"

"I'm not sure I trust myself in bed with you all night."

"Kendall, please, I promise I'll behave. I know I went a little crazy earlier but I'd been holding it in all day and I couldn't help myself. I'm good now, got it out of my system."

"I don't think it's ever completely out of our systems. And I like that about you."

That earned him another kiss. "So you'll stay?"

"I'll leave around six. That should give me time to catch up on school stuff before I have to be back here."

"I wanted to cook you breakfast again," James pouted.

"Next weekend," Kendall promised. "You're cooking me dinner tomorrow, that's good enough."

"Whatever. But fine." James sat up, smiling when Kendall let out a soft groan at the movement. "And you're worried about _me_ not being able to control myself?"

"No, if you recall I just said it's myself I don't trust."

"Horndog." James slapped Kendall's hip after sliding off him. "Go get dressed. I'll get us some wine." His humor faded. "Something tells me I'm gonna need it."

Kendall didn't argue that; James' nerves were going to be shredded by the time they made it to sleep.

* * *

Kendall would have preferred a beer, but he'd noticed earlier there was none to be had in the refrigerator; for whatever reason, his boyfriend was not a beer-drinker. Instead it was a sip of wine Kendall swallowed down after being handed a glass, and he waited until James was snuggled up against him on the bed to ask, "You good?"

"For the moment. My son is speaking to me and I just had amazing sex with the man of my dreams, so...I'm as good as it gets right now." James sipped his wine before adding, "Go ahead and ruin that. I'm ready."

"Okay, so...we talked more. While the brownies were baking. Before I get into all that, though, I've noticed something that I think is important. A promise means everything to him."

"What do you mean?" James frowned.

"A lot of times when we tell him things, his answer is a question. 'Promise?' Like he's making sure we mean it and aren't just saying it. Because whatever happened in his past, I feel like there were a lot of broken promises. We need to make sure that anything we promise him comes to pass."

"Of course. I don't make promises I can't keep."

"Apparently other people in his life do. So I'm just saying, babe, be careful what you promise him. One broken promise could devastate him, or at least his trust in you."

James nodded slowly. "Yeah. I learned early in life not to count on promises. I don't want my son growing up like that, not believing that people can be good. Did you know that there are only two people in my life that I honestly believe in? That I know care about me and are genuinely good people?"

Kendall pressed a kiss to James' temple. "I'd better be one of them."

"You are," James smiled. "The other is Logan."

"Not even your mom?"

"Mom." A soft chuckle came from James. "I haven't even told her about Noah yet. I need to but she's...how to explain my mother? She does care about me, at least enough to call around the holidays. And she's never forgotten my birthday, so there's that. But we don't really...understand each other, I guess you'd say? She's ruthless when it comes to business. Money and power are what get her through life. I'm not saying I want to be broke, because I've been there and it's not fun. But what I want most in life is just...this. You. Noah. A real family. I never had that, you know?"

Kendall hadn't known that for sure, but he'd suspected. He hugged James tighter to him. "I had Mom and Katie, and...I guess we were a family. We were just never the same once Dad left. It always felt like something was missing. And I feel bad saying that, because Mom tried so hard. She suddenly had to be both parents and we didn't make it easy."

James lifted his lips to Kendall. "We never talk about you. One day I want to get you alone and just talk, hear everything about your past and your dreams and...just _you_."

"There's not a lot to me, babe."

"Somehow I doubt that."

Another kiss preceded, "I want the same from you. To hear everything. But for now, let's focus on the drugs."

James hadn't been expecting that. He moved away slightly, tensing up. "I didn't realize it bothered you that much. It's in the past, Kendall."

"I know. I'm sorry, I probably should have worded that differently. Come back here." After setting his wine glass on a nightstand, Kendall pulled James close again. "It has to do with Noah. You said you were on drugs and you got past your addiction."

"Yeah. I mean, you never really get over it, you just...control it. Learn to live without it."

"Right. So...Logan and Shannon. Did they ever do any drugs with you?"

"No, of course not. They got me off of them, Kendall. Didn't we talk about this?"

"We did, but some things Noah said made me wonder about Shannon. She wasn't into any of that?"

"Shannon?" The idea was obviously laughable. "Are you insane? Her parents would have murdered her if she did drugs. Why do you think they hated me so much? They were terrified I'd rub off on her."

Kendall bit his lip, wondering how to proceed with this. "I think...maybe it's possible you did. Eventually."

James' fingers tightened around the stem of his glass. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Noah told me his mom was sick a lot."

James moved away again in order to look at Kendall. "Sick? Like...is that how she died?"

"He said the bad thing killed her. That... _fuck._ " Kendall really didn't want to tell James this. "Something about how she learned the bad stuff from you, and then she died from it." James had stopped breathing. "The bad stuff was pills."

"No."

"Babe—"

"No. Absolutely not." The wine glass was shakily set down before James rose from the bed and started pacing, hands running up and down his arms. "Shannon would never."

"Is it possible she changed?"

"No." James was adamant about that. "I know her. I _knew_ her. Shannon would never touch drugs, not in a million years. She saw what it did to me. It almost fucking killed me, Kendall. She was so smart, way too smart to get caught up in something like that. And where would she even get it?"

"We don't know what her life was like, James. We only—"

"Yes, we do. _I_ do! Her parents probably barely let her leave the house once they found out she was pregnant, she was probably trapped like a prisoner in that place and had no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, no one to..."

Kendall waited for it, and along with tears the rest came.

"I did that to her. I forced her into that life. She had all these plans and all these dreams, and she couldn't go anywhere or do anything because I got her pregnant. She hated me, didn't she? She fucking hated me and probably told him so many bad things about me and—"

He couldn't stand to see James so torn apart. Kendall slid off the bed and moved around it until he could hold James tight. "She didn't. Noah said she didn't say anything bad about you."

"That doesn't mean she didn't hate me. Logan's right, she resented me. That's why she wanted nothing to do with me."

James was shaking in Kendall's embrace, tears leaking onto Kendall's shoulder. "I don't know if I believe that. She was probably forbidden to see you or speak to you. I doubt she had a lot of choice in the matter."

"Okay but now you're trying to tell me she was on drugs? There's no way, there's just no way, Kendall. Not Shannon. If that's what Noah said, then it's a lie his grandmother told him, because...no. Not Shannon."

"Okay. Okay, maybe that's what happened." Right now all Kendall cared about was that James stop hurting. He continued to console his boyfriend, not speaking again until James was calmer. "Whether it's true or not, Noah believes it is. And one of the reasons he was so afraid of you is because he thought you were still doing it. He at least knows now that you're not."

James' head shot up from Kendall's shoulder. "He does? You told him that?"

"I did. I promised him you didn't do that anymore. Babe, he was terrified you'd die on him like she did. And that the drugs would make you mean. I get the feeling they made her mean."

"I'm telling you right now, she never did drugs. I mean...unless it was something her mom put her on, like an anti-depressant or something. I could see that."

"Would that make her mean?"

"Who fucking knows. Just...tell me what else he said. She was sick a lot?"

"He said she would get sick and things were bad. Then she'd stop and things were good, and she'd promise to never do it again. But she never kept that promise. She'd always end up...whatever she was. Again."

James let out a long sigh. "Which is why he thinks I'm pretending and that everything I do is fake. He thinks I'm going to suddenly turn into that monster."

Kendall nodded. "And who knew what would set Shannon off? One wrong word or move might do it. So of course he's afraid to talk to you or ask for anything."

"Jesus Christ. What the hell did she do to him?" A scary thought dropped into James' mind. "You don't think she'd...no. No, Shannon would never."

"I really don't think she hurt him, James. Not physically."

"Yeah, no. I know her better than that. But he...did he really say it's my fault she died?"

"Yeah," Kendall said softly, afraid to set James off again. "I couldn't get him to tell me everything. It's really hard for him to talk about his mom. Honestly, therapy might be good for him."

"My kid doesn't need therapy. He's not going to tell a stranger something he won't even tell you. He trusts you more than anyone on this planet."

That was probably true. Still... "I'm just saying that a therapist would probably be better with a child. I don't really know what I'm doing with Noah, I'm just going off instinct."

"And it's working. That's my point, Kendall. One day here with us and he's like a new kid. By this time tomorrow night, he might be running to me for a goodnight hug and kiss. You're magic, babe. We don't need anyone else in our lives. Just...stay."

Kendall had no intention of doing anything else. He slid his arms around James' waist, closing the distance for a deep kiss. Nothing about this was wrong. James' mouth on his was everything right in the world. Together, they'd figure this out.

Step one would be getting answers from Paul.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N—Not much to say about this chapter, they're still just trying to get Noah settled in and on a regular routine. This chapter covers Sunday and part of Monday. Thanks again for reading, and I'm really happy you guys are loving this so much. :)

* * *

They both peeked in on Noah before Kendall took his leave. The boy was sleeping peacefully while the lion stood guard. For a moment Kendall was tempted to tell James what Noah had named the animal, but remembered that he'd promised to keep that secret and so said nothing.

No promises could be broken.

Walking out the door wasn't easy, mostly because James kept dragging him back in for "one more kiss." Kendall loved the feel of the satin robe under his fingers, especially with the knowledge that James was bare beneath it. They'd allowed themselves another session of lovemaking upon waking, this time slow and soothing, and the memory of it was fresh enough in Kendall's mind that even a slight rub of skin against the satin sent shivers running through him.

"Babe, I really have to go or I'm gonna miss my bus."

It was enough to finally get James to let go. "We'll pick you up at noon?"

"I'll be ready. I love you."

Kendall never forgot to say that, knowing how important it was to James to hear it. The joy that suffused James' features every time made it worth it. "I love you, too. Don't forget to text me your address!"

"I promise." Though it had been James continually pulling him back inside, suddenly it was he who didn't want to go. Turning away was a struggle, and he felt his heart reaching back for James more with each step he took toward the elevator.

At this rate, he'd be moved in by next weekend.

* * *

Kendall managed to catch up on all of his schoolwork and still have time for a short nap and shower, so that when James and Noah arrived to pick him up, he was refreshed and clean. They drove him all the way back across town to the diner Noah had insisted they visit, and Kendall was pleased to see that his shyness was dropping away more with each passing mile. After they parked at the diner, Noah hopped out of the car and practically dragged Kendall at a run toward the entrance.

When Kendall looked back in apology for leaving James behind, he was met with a bright smile and even brighter eyes; James was happy again, and that was what mattered.

Together Kendall and Noah sampled corndogs while James was content with a large salad. Though he would've been fine to sit there and eat quietly while watching Kendall and Noah cut up, Kendall made sure to include him in the conversation and was ecstatic when Noah spoke freely to him, as well. The promise that James no longer "did the bad stuff" had apparently been exactly what Noah needed to hear.

They decided to save IKEA for last, considering that trip might end up taking hours, and started out at a clothing store. When James commented that Noah's grandparents had only sent over enough clothes for perhaps a week, Kendall's gut twisted because that told him they didn't intend for Noah to stay any longer than that. James made sure Noah had enough clothing to last him much longer, letting Kendall go into the fitting rooms with the boy because he was afraid to make Noah uncomfortable. They still had that whole "touching boys" thing to get past, and Kendall had no idea where to start. For now, just gaining Noah's trust was more important.

The book store came next, and when they walked in and Noah looked around to see what sort of store they'd walked into, his eyes grew round while his mouth dropped open. Having been expecting that, James was in place with his phone filming Noah's reaction.

"It's all books!"

"It's all books," Kendall confirmed. "I think I see the kids' section over that way, so..."

It was all he got out before Noah was on the run. James put his phone away and stepped up behind Kendall, chancing a kiss to the back of Kendall's neck while Noah was distracted. "I am so in love with you. Just in case you weren't sure."

After making sure Noah couldn't see them, Kendall twisted his head to kiss James' on the lips. "Is this not the best day ever?"

"It's fantastic. He's so happy."

"And about to get happier. Let's go buy that kid a mountain of books."

They ended up with enough to fill probably an entire shelf, promising Noah that they could come back every weekend for a new book—as long as Noah behaved. James mentioned to him that he'd be starting school the following day, and Noah's reaction to that surprised them both.

"School?" he echoed. "Real school? With other kids?" He didn't sound scared, but rather hopeful.

"Of course," James answered, crouching down to study Noah's face. "Were you in school before?"

"At home. Grandma's my teacher."

"Not anymore, she isn't," James all but bit out. "I'm taking you down for real school tomorrow. You okay with that?"

"Yeah! I get to be in a real classroom? With a teacher and kids?"

"Totally," James grinned.

"Thank you, Daddy!" Noah's arms flew around James, who gasped and stared up at Kendall with watery eyes. Kendall smiled and mouthed, "Told you. He loves you."

James hugged Noah tight, not wanting to let go, but eventually doing so when Noah tried to step back. "Okay, let's get these books paid for and we can—"

"What's wrong, Daddy?" Just like that Noah was back to being scared.

"What? Nothing." James hurriedly brushed a sleeve over his eyes. "I'm fine."

Kendall watched as Noah retreated back into himself. _Shit._ "Hey, James, why don't you go to the checkout while Noah and I look around some more? We'll figure out what to buy next weekend."

Realizing that Kendall was trying to get Noah alone, James nodded and headed over with the tall stack of books. Kendall steered Noah back to the kids' section and lowered himself to a bench before lifting Noah onto his lap. "Talk to me. Why are you scared?"

Noah didn't want to talk.

"Hey," Kendall tried softly. "Everything's okay. Did it scare you that your daddy was crying?"

Noah's gaze met Kendall's before dropping away. "Did I make him mad?"

"No, not at all. He was crying because he...well, he was happy."

"Happy?"

"Yeah. It makes him happy when you hug him. When you talk to him. He loves you so much, Noah. He just wants you to be happy."

"When Mom cried, she wasn't happy. She was mad. Or sad. I don't want to make Daddy mad."

"You didn't, I promise. Sometimes people cry when they're happy."

"Why?"

"It just happens. We can't help it. It's a good thing."

"Promise?"

"I swear, buddy. When you hugged your dad just now, you made him happier than he's ever been."

"Really?"

"Yep. In fact, when we get to the car, you should hug him again. And thank him for the books. And the clothes. And all the great stuff we're gonna get at IKEA."

Noah had one more question, though. "Does he really love me or is he just faking it?"

"He really loves you. I talked to him last night, you know. After you went to bed. We talked a lot."

"And he's not lying?"

"Nope."

"How come he didn't come see me before Mom died?"

How to answer that? "He couldn't." That was the truth. "He would have if he could. But he couldn't, and it wasn't his fault. Do you believe me?"

"Whose fault was it?"

"I'm not really sure," Kendall answered honestly. "Still working on that. But I do know that if your daddy could've gone to see you, he would've been there. Every day."

"And he's gonna be here every day now?"

"Every single day."

"Even if I make him mad?"

"Even if. Because no matter how mad he gets, he will always love you and take care of you. That's what real dads do."

James caught his eye from the store's exit. Kendall held up a finger, feeling bad that James was having to lug around all the heavy books, but Noah needed the time to think this through.

"When is Carlos coming?"

"Uh...maybe next weekend. I'm not too sure yet."

"And Daddy's taking me to school tomorrow?"

"Yep."

"Can you come with us?"

"I would, except that I have to work."

"Can we see you on the way?"

Kendall's heart dropped. "Not tomorrow. I have a different job tomorrow morning. But you can come see me later; I'll be at the coffee place after that. And you can tell me all about school."

It was the best Noah was going to get. He nodded. "Okay."

"Okay? Are we good?"

"Yeah. Can Daddy read us a bedtime story again tonight?"

"Heck yeah, he will. And now there are lots to choose from!"

"I want the fairy tales again."

Kendall smiled and stood, lifting Noah off his feet and securing the boy to his hip before heading toward James. "I kind of like those myself, Noah."

And when James had dumped three bags of books into the trunk only to be tackled with a hug and a "Thank you, Daddy!", Kendall thought that some fairy tales might just come true. Certainly in this one, there would be a happily ever after.

He'd make sure of it.

* * *

By the time they returned to the apartment, it was approaching seven. They dumped all of the new purchases in the living room, except for the bookcase that Kendall ran back down for. They'd managed to wedge that long box between the the seats, Kendall grateful they wouldn't have to wait for delivery and get into that argument again.

"How long will it take you to put that together?" James asked when Kendall stepped into the living room with it.

"Hopefully not more than an hour. We want Noah in bed by nine, right?"

"Earlier, if we can swing it. I want him rested for school, and he still needs a bath and dinner."

"You worry about dinner, and I'll give him a bath after that. He can hang out with me while I put this together."

James grinned, picturing that. "Is he gonna help you?"

"Probably."

"I'm taking video of that." Anxiety suddenly skittered across James' face. "God, there's so much to do before bedtime."

Hearing Noah move around the bedroom, Kendall chanced a soft kiss. "We got this, babe. Teamwork."

James studied him with a smile. "When are you moving in?"

"Someday," was the vague answer. "Go get dinner started."

Between dinner, putting everything away, and putting everything together, it was about 8:45 when Kendall reclined on the bed next to a freshly-bathed Noah (who was clad in brand new pajamas with stars and planets all over them).

"Where's Daddy?"

"Finishing up the dishes. He'll be right in."

"Are you gonna go home when I go to sleep?"

"I might stay and talk to him for a little bit. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I wish you never had to leave."

Kendall wished that, too. He hugged Noah against him and thought about saying that might be the case one day, but held back; because it wasn't something he could promise at the moment, he didn't want Noah to pin his hopes on it. "Do you like your bookcase?"

"Yeah! It just needs more books."

"We've got lots of time for that. And you have plenty to read in the meantime. You did a good job helping me build it."

"That was fun."

"It was, wasn't it?"

James walked in to the sight of his boyfriend planting a kiss to his son's hair and smiled. "You two look cozy."

"We're just waiting for you to tell us a story," Kendall grinned. "It's my favorite time of the day."

"Really?" When Kendall nodded, James added, "Mine, too."

"Me, too!"

They both laughed at Noah's outburst. James' eyes danced as he took his place at the foot of the bed. "No visits from the Tickle Monster tonight?"

"Not yet." With a smirk, Kendall teased, "The night's not over yet, though."

"Well, it's late and we all have to get up early, so I think the Tickle Monster needs to take the night off."

Considering that Noah's eyelids were already drooping, Kendall agreed. "What's next in the book?"

"Oh, looks like the one about the three little pigs. I'm not sure I really understand the moral of this one."

"It's basically that if you do things right the first time and put effort into it rather than get lazy and only do it halfway, your life will be better."

"Oh." James nodded slowly. "I can agree with that. Good lesson. Okay, so...once upon a time, there were three little..."

Noah was snoring by the fourth page. This time rather than keep James reading, Kendall rushed him out the door and toward the other bedroom, and there they finally let out the passion they were forced to rein in every second of the day.

When it was over, James cuddled up to Kendall and showed him the pictures from the zoo they'd never gotten around to looking at. He smiled at the shots James had taken of Noah enthralled and reading plaques, and in one even reaching out to pet a dolphin.

It was the perfect end to a perfect day, and Kendall couldn't wait until this was his routine.

* * *

" _What time do you start at Black Forest?"_

Kendall was eating the lunch he'd packed when that text came in, so he sent a call through to James instead of typing his answer.

"Hey! I didn't think you'd be free for a call."

"You caught me on my lunch break. I've got about ten minutes left, so talk to me. How did it go at school?"

"It didn't."

"What? What happened?"

"Hang on, let me get him settled. He's really down, babe. I think I took like ten steps back today, and it's not even my fault."

"Where are you?"

"Home. He's in the bathroom. I almost broke down, but I realized that isn't going to help anything. So instead I spent the drive home figuring out my next step and how to fix this. Also, Noah may not be welcome back at that school, so there's that."

Kendall blinked in confusion. "Babe, what the hell happened?"

"I blew up on the chick behind the counter. And worse, I did it in front of Noah. Now he's back to being scared of me."

"James..."

"I know. I know, okay? But he was ready to cry and anybody who upsets my son like that..."

"Tell me what happened."

"Hold on." Two minutes later James was back. "Okay, he's down for a nap. I fucked up, Kendall."

Kendall could hear the refrigerator door open and had a vision that scared him a little. "What are you doing?"

"What?"

"What did you just do?"

"I opened the refrigerator?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm agitated and need something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, I was thinking maybe some string cheese. Or peanut butter. Why am I getting the third degree?"

Relieved but also feeling like an idiot, Kendall let out a breath. "Sorry. I just...I worry about you."

"I know you do. It's not wine, okay? I know that's what you're thinking. I admit I've had a few tense moments since we started dating and I needed that. But it's not like...what you're thinking."

"I'm sorry."

"You know, if it was anyone else, I'd probably be pissed. But with you, I know it's because you love me and my son, so...peanut butter. Definitely peanut butter."

"No more than a spoonful."

"Shut up, we're running out of time. Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Yes, sorry, tell me what happened."

"So I get him down there, and the lady's super nice about everything until she asks for a birth certificate. Which I don't have."

Kendall frowned. "You don't? Paul didn't give that to you?"

"No. I had the paperwork proving I have custody. I thought that would be enough."

"I just assumed you would have that."

"Well, I don't. I also apparently need to get him some shots, which is going to be a blast."

"Are you sure he hasn't had them already?"

"I don't know, Kendall. I don't know anything, and it's really pissing me off. How the fuck can I take care of my son if I don't know anything?"

James' voice was rising toward that hysterical stage. "Okay, we can fix this. You need to talk to Paul anyway, right? Did you call him this morning?"

"No, I was going to do that after I dropped Noah off."

"Okay. So set up a meeting with Paul."

"I was going to. That's why I asked when you start at the coffeehouse. Can I still do it there so you can take Noah?"

"Yeah, no problem, except that I don't get a full lunch break tonight. It's a shorter shift, so it's just one break."

"Fuck."

"Bring him down anyway. We'll figure it out. I'll see if Carlos can hang around for awhile after his shift. He gets off at four."

"That'll work. I'm sorry to keep interrupting your life like this, and I promise things will settle down once we get a routine established."

"Babe, you're not a problem. It's fine. Just get Paul down there and ask him everything you need to know, and get that birth certificate. Do you need anything else for school?"

"Proof of residence, but that's easy enough. I should've looked into all of this before I took him down there. Then I at least wouldn't have yelled at the staff."

Kendall could only imagine how much that must've scared Noah. "I'm sorry I didn't help with that. I meant to. Is Noah speaking to you?"

"Barely."

"Babe, you have to control your temper."

"I know. I just...I would've done anything to get him into that place, because his face when they said he couldn't start today...and he wore his favorite new outfit and that jacket you picked out. He was so excited, Kendall!"

"I know he was."

"I feel like I broke a promise to him."

"Just explain to him that it's not your fault and you didn't know all the rules because it's new to you. He'll understand that. Promise him that you'll fix it. I think there are clinics that will do the shots right away, so you don't have to make an appointment."

"I just want him in school."

"We'll get him there. Set up a meeting with Paul, ask him what he knows about Shannon and about Noah's past. And get that birth certificate. I'll check into the clinic, so that if you need to take him in for that you can."

"Thanks, babe. I'd be so lost without you."

"Good thing you have me, then," Kendall smiled. "I gotta get going, but call me if you need me. I'll get back to you when I can. Let me know what time Paul's meeting you. Anytime after three."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Can you come over for dinner?"

"I have to work, remember?"

"Oh. Duh. We just talked about that."

Hearing the sadness in James' voice, Kendall suggested, "What about when I get off? Is nine too late?"

"No, you'll just miss story time. And saying goodnight to him."

"Damn. That's my favorite."

"But you'd still get to say goodnight to me," James reminded him suggestively.

"Good enough. I'll be there around 9:30."

"I'll be naked."

Kendall laughed, but the promise of that was enough to get him through the day. He couldn't wait.

* * *

The meeting with Paul was set for 4:30. Carlos was happy to hang around for a bit after Kendall promised to buy him dinner, and at about 4:20 James held the door for his son while Kendall watched with a welcoming smile.

Again, two sets of hazel eyes searched for him, and two sets brightened when they found him behind the counter. But then Noah's shoulders deflated as James bent down to whisper to him, and he kept his gaze to the ground even after they'd joined the line.

Carlos was already on it. He greeted them both warmly before taking Noah back to his table, and there the boy seemed to at least be open to talking. Sort of.

The latte was waiting for James when he approached. "You're an angel. You always know what I need."

"I prefer to be called a wizard," Kendall smirked. "So he's still the same?"

"Yep. Won't give an answer about dinner, won't say much more than 'okay' when I ask a question. It's like we're back to square one. Can you take your break soon?"

"Not really. But Carlos is going to take him into the breakroom when Paul shows up."

"Okay. I guess that'll have to do. How do you feel about sweet and sour chicken?"

Kendall had been concentrating on adding whipped cream to Noah's drink, but that got his head shooting up. "I love it. Why?"

"Good." James' face lit up halfway, which was better than nothing. "If I can't get an answer out of him, I'll ask what you want. I was thinking I'd make some extra for you, so you can eat after work tonight. You'll be hungry, right?"

Actually, Carlos had agreed to go out and pick something up for them to eat on Kendall's break later (with Kendall paying for it, of course), but Kendall thought he could force down a plate of anything James cooked. He was touched that James would even think of him. "Definitely. I'd kiss you for that if I could get away with it right now."

"I won't tell," James winked.

"Go take this to Noah," Kendall chuckled. "And make sure to check in with me before you leave."

James sighed and reached for the second cup. "There's no way you can do this with me, right? I'm afraid I won't ask the right questions."

"You know what to ask. Anything that will help you understand Noah. And get that birth certificate!"

"Trust me, that's the first order of business."

Once Paul arrived, Carlos shepherded Noah behind the counter, where Kendall knelt down to open his arms. Noah ran to him, hugging him tight, and Kendall rocked the small body as well as he could from his position before leaning back to look into Noah's face. "You doing okay?"

"You said to tell you when Daddy was mean. He was mean today."

"I know," Kendall sighed. "Not to you, though, right?"

"No. But he yelled loud."

"Yeah, I'm sure he did. Listen, Carlos is gonna take you back there, okay? Just while your dad talks to Paul."

"Are you coming tonight? For dinner?"

"I can't, buddy. I have to stay here. I'm sorry."

Noah's face fell. "Okay."

Kendall couldn't stand the disappointment. "Listen, what if I ask your dad to let you stay up a little later tonight? I could at least be there for story time."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah?" Kendall grinned. "That works?"

"Just come!"

"Okay. I'll talk to your dad about it before you guys leave. And Noah, I know it's scary when Daddy yells, but he wasn't mad at you. He was mad because he was trying to make you happy and he couldn't."

"He said it's not his fault."

"And it's not. He tried. He'll figure it all out and get you in school soon, okay?"

"That's what he said. He's not lying?"

"No, buddy. Your dad won't lie to you. I know he said you'd get to go to school today, but when he promised that, he thought it was true." Realizing there were orders piling up and people waiting impatiently, Kendall hugged Noah to him again. "I have to work now. But I'll be right here if you need me, okay?"

"Kay."

Carlos held out a hand, and Noah took it without argument.

Baby steps.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N—Happy weekend! I feel like this has been a very long week, is it just me? Anyway, next week I will be on vacation and I'm taking a trip, so I don't know when this story will be updated next. I'm hoping to get at least one more chapter written before I go, and that means I can post the next one. So if that happens, you'll get the next chapter Monday. If not, it will probably be at least a week. Sorry about that, but I hope you enjoy this one! :)

* * *

Though he was working through the meeting with Paul, Kendall was attuned to James' demeanor and knew it the moment his boyfriend started to lose it. James' body was tense, his fingers tightening around the cup, and his eyes were shooting daggers that Kendall knew from experience meant James was about to go off.

"Glenn, cover me. Two minutes."

He didn't wait for Glenn's response, but rushed around the counter and to the table, where he rested his hands on James' shoulders and squeezed. James' mouth had been open to spew who knew what, but the touch from Kendall changed the direction of his anger. He bent his head back and looked up. "He doesn't have the birth certificate. And says he can't tell me anything Shannon told him."

Kendall's eyes fell closed for a moment. Of course he couldn't. "Attorney-client privilege?" Kendall asked, and Paul nodded. "He's right, James. It's the law."

"Fuck the law," James muttered under his breath. "I deserve to know what my son has been through."

"When you tell your lawyer something, it's confidential. Not even a judge can order the lawyer to divulge what was shared in confidence."

"That's what I was trying to explain," Paul said calmly. "Mr. Diamond, I completely understand your position and I want to help Noah adjust. But I can't tell you what his mother confided to me as her attorney. All I can say is that I'm here to help in any way I can."

"Yet you won't tell me anything."

"He can't, babe," Kendall stated quietly. "Don't be angry with him, it's not his fault. Who has the birth certificate?"

"Who do you think?" James spat.

Paul explained, "They were supposed to hand that over when the child exchange was made. I will contact them and insist that they allow James to pick it up, and if they refuse then we have the grounds to take it to court."

"But that could take weeks," Kendall pointed out. "Months. In the meantime Noah can't go to school."

"Listen." Paul leaned in closer, prompting Kendall and James to do the same. "His grandmother is not going to make anything easy. Every step is going to be a fight. I can't tell you things his mother said, and I can't use them in a case against her, but I can help you to hold on to him. His mother would want that."

Kendall's gaze narrowed. "Aren't you representing them? The grandparents?"

"No. I represented Shannon. I fulfilled her directive upon her death, which was to find Mr. Diamond and transfer custody to him. Her parents had no idea she'd set that up, so of course they were devastated when I contacted them and explained their daughter's wishes."

James' hand flew up to wrap around Kendall's. "Wait, are you serious? I thought you were working for the grandparents. That they wanted me to sign away my rights."

"They did. I never said I was working for them, Mr. Diamond. You assumed that, and because I was told that pressuring you to take Noah in would make you less likely to do it, I let that assumption stand."

James let that information set in. "Shannon told you to find me? She _wanted_ me to raise Noah?"

"She did," Paul nodded.

"Did she know she was going to die?" Kendall wondered.

"Not...exactly. This is a gray area, boys, and I can't divulge what she said to me. All I can say is that she set up a will in case it did happen. She hired me to draw it up and enforce it, should the time come. It came."

Kendall could see that James was overcome with emotion, as he tended to be when touched. He massaged James' shoulder soothingly. "So she didn't want her own parents raising Noah."

"No. I've done what I was hired to do, but if you ever need an attorney to ensure that Noah remains in your custody, please consider me. It would be my pleasure to make that woman suffer."

Kendall could only imagine what Shannon had shared about her mother, and it made him sad for her. She _had_ felt trapped.

"Kendall."

Kendall looked down into James' scared eyes.

"She's gonna try to take him back, isn't she?"

"Yeah. I think so."

James swallowed hard. "Can you represent me? Us?"

"No. I'm not a lawyer yet."

"But you work for an attorney, right?"

"As an intern. It's different, babe."

"Is there someone there who could protect us from her?"

"I'm sure they'd take on your case, but I think Paul would be better. He knows the situation, knows Noah's background, knows what he's up against even more than you do. He's your best bet."

James nodded once, then turned his attention to Paul. "Can you promise me that she won't get her hands on my son?"

"I can promise that I'll do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. For Shannon's sake, and for Noah's."

"You're hired. Just help me keep my son."

Paul reached out to shake James' hand, and though there would be paperwork to sign later, it was a done deal. Kendall let out a shaky breath, as it had been in the back of his mind that eventually they'd need a lawyer; this one already had a head start just by knowing the facts of the case that would no doubt be brought against James at some point.

"We'll set up a meeting at my office to make this official," Paul said. "You have my number."

"I'll call tomorrow. You don't know if Noah's had his shots, right?"

"I'd stake my life on the fact that he hasn't. His grandmother doesn't believe in vaccination. Or public school. Or anything that makes people happy."

Kendall nodded. That sounded about right.

Paul was about to walk away when James stopped him to ask hesitantly, "Um...what...I mean...how?"

Kendall's fingers tightened around James' hand. He knew what James was trying to say but couldn't bring himself to. "How did she die?"

After a glance at Kendall, and then a sad one at James, Paul sat down again. "I was surprised you didn't ask me that last time we met."

"I was hurt," James admitted. "That she never told me about Noah."

"Understandable. And I'm really sorry to have to be the one to tell you all of this, but...it was an overdose. The coroner's report stated they found large amounts of heroin in her bloodstream, along with tranquilizers."

James shot up out of the chair. "Bullshit."

"Babe," Kendall whispered, hugging James from behind. "Calm down."

"He's lying! Shannon didn't do that, she wouldn't...no. _No_."

Kendall tightened his embrace. "Was it...intentional?"

"Not that we know of. It wasn't ruled a suicide."

"Okay. Thank you."

Sensing that James was about to explode, Paul took his leave. Kendall started to pull James toward the breakroom, then remembered Noah was in there. He didn't want Noah to see his father like this. "Glenn! This is my break, I'll be back in five!"

Glenn waved in dismissal, and Kendall took James by the hand to lead him outside. James blindly passed him a set of keys, and then they were closed into the backseat of James' car.

"He's lying."

"He's not lying, James."

"Then he's wrong! Shannon wouldn't...not my Shannon! It's just not...I don't understand! How? How could she change that much?"

"I don't know, babe." Kendall held James close, waiting for the breakdown. Instead, James let anger take over.

"What the fuck was she thinking? Even I didn't do heroin, that shit's dangerous! She knew that, we _talked_ about that, she's the one who fucking told _me_ to never touch it! What the fuck, Kendall? How could she?"

"I don't know." It was all Kendall could think of to say, as he knew nothing verbal would help at the moment. His presence had to be enough.

"I'm so pissed at her! She knew better! I don't care how bad things got, how much of a bitch her mom was, she had a fucking son to take care of! She had a responsibility! How could she do that to Noah? How could she do anything to put that perfect kid in danger? I wish she was here right now so I could yell at her!"

"Do it."

"What?"

"Do it. Just...everything you'd say to her if she was standing here right now. Say it. Get it out."

James' voice cracked. "I don't want to yell at you."

"Then yell at the sky. Yell at the roof of the car. Just...yell." This certainly wasn't the place for James to let it all out, but really what was? "Want me to get out?"

"No. No, don't leave me. Just..." James inhaled slowly, taking in a deep breath, and then exploded. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't let me see my son, don't even fucking tell me about him because I wasn't good enough, but then you do _this_?! You get hooked on heroin and fucking _die_? Leave him totally alone? What the fuck, Shannon? Our kid is scared to even open his mouth because of you, because you let the drugs steal you away, and if you were fucked up that means he spent a lot of time with _her_ , the one person you swore you'd escape. I get it, I admit it's my fault you were stuck with her, but it takes two, Shannon. It takes two. You were the smart one, you could've thought of a condom, too. I fucking had one with me that night! But you know what? I don't even care about that, because I wouldn't change him. I wouldn't take that back. The only thing I regret is letting you push me away because I lost five years with him that I can't get back. Well fuck that, I'm not losing anymore. Your mother can do whatever she wants, she's not getting him. He's my kid and I'm gonna raise him and guess what? I'll do a better job than you ever did, because I don't do drugs and I have the man of my dreams to help me and we're gonna do it, okay? We're gonna do it. We're gonna be the best dads and you'd be so proud, but you won't be around to see it and..." Now the tears came, hot and heavy as they dripped down James' cheeks to his chin. "And I wish you _could_ see it. I miss you, Shannon. I don't know who you were when you died, but I miss you every day and I'll make you proud. Noah will make you proud. I fucking love you so much."

He couldn't speak after that, collapsing into sobs that Kendall's shirt and apron soaked up. Kendall's own eyes weren't exactly dry by the time James broke down, because he was hurting for James and Noah, who had both lost someone close to them. James' body shook and Kendall let it, offering his comfort through a silent but strong presence.

"I love you," James finally croaked.

"She knows," Kendall whispered.

"No, babe. _You._ I love _you_. Please don't ever leave me."

"Never. We're in this together."

"Marry me."

"Okay."

"Move in with me."

"Okay."

"Okay?" James lifted his face, wiping at his leaking eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah. Eventually."

"No, fuck that. I know you're right about Noah and me needing time to bond and all that, but...babe, we bond best with you around. You're like...our glue. We need you."

"I really want you guys to stand on your own."

"But it's not just him and me, Kendall. It's all of us. We're a family now. Let's be a family."

And though there were still so many things up in the air, Kendall couldn't deny James and Noah that—partly because he wanted it, too. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. But let's let Carlos get moved in first. You get back to work, Noah gets to school, and once that routine is down, I'll just...add myself to the mix."

"He wants you there now. _I_ want you there now. We might as well change it all up at once. It's like pulling off a Band-Aid, just do it fast and it hurts, but then the pain is over and we can move on together. As a family."

Kendall kissed James slowly. "We can't share a room. Not until he's comfortable with two men together. And that could take years."

"Then we'll get a bigger place."

"Where?"

"I don't know. I don't want to leave Harvey."

"Let's not worry about all of this right now, okay? I have to go back to work before they fire me. We'll talk about it later tonight, alright?"

"Fine."

"Oh, can Noah stay up a little later? I promised him I'd show up for story time."

James' lips curved into a smile. "Yeah, we can wait for you. But only because he doesn't have school tomorrow. Then I'm going to feed you. And then I'm going to love you. All night."

Kendall shuddered at the promise in James' eyes. Since he hadn't said it since lunch, he stated, "I love you."

As always, James' grin chased the clouds away.

* * *

Kendall was grateful to sit down to a hot meal when his break rolled around, even if it was just for fifteen minutes. Carlos had come through on dinner and was waiting in the breakroom with bags of food and a smile. "Rough day?"

"Could be worse, I guess," Kendall shrugged. He opened the foam container from their favorite Mexican food place when Carlos passed it over. "This is so hard on James. And on Noah. I just want them to be able to live their lives without being afraid all the time."

"What's James afraid of?" Carlos wanted to know.

"Losing Noah. Losing me, too, though I think he's getting past that now and accepting that I'm in it for the long haul. Thanks," Kendall said as he reached for the salsa Carlos was holding out. "This bitch of a grandmother is making things very difficult."

"Yeah, James told me a little about her when I was over for dinner. He said she used to hate him."

"Still does, apparently. Oh my god, I used to love these tacos so much."

"Used to? When did that change?"

"When James cooked tacos for me. Dude, you are so lucky to be living with him and enjoying that every day. When's the move-in date?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I was thinking maybe Sunday, since you're off all day. Or did you guys already make plans?"

"Nothing concrete. Just...being there with them. That's probably going to be a set thing, me spending the weekends there. Have you talked to James about it yet?"

"No, I wanted to make sure you were available to help. And that James didn't already have plans. And of course I'm hoping Logan's free, too."

"Of course," Kendall grinned. "Damn, even his rice is better than this. How did I think this was good before?"

"It is good, shut up!" Carlos kicked Kendall under the table. "It's your favorite!"

"Not anymore. Run the whole thing by James, but I think Sunday will be fine. When is Corey moving out?"

"He's got most of his stuff out already. He offered to help me move, since I helped him yesterday after work. I said I'd let him know if I need him." He smirked, "Didn't tell him who I'm moving in with, though."

Kendall had to cover his mouth to keep food from flying out when he laughed. "Yeah, that might change his mind about helping. Have you talked to James at all since Friday night?"

"Not really. A few texts here and there, since I had questions. I get the feeling his mind is a little preoccupied with...other things."

"If you're insinuating that it's me and sex, you're...okay, maybe a little right. But mostly it's Noah. He tried to enroll him in school today and that didn't go well because we didn't really look into it like we should have. So Noah got upset; he'd been so excited about going to school."

"Really? The kid's excited about school? Sounds like Uncle Logan."

"His grandmother was homeschooling him before."

"Ah. That would be enough to make me hate it."

"Yeah, I think it's the idea of being around other kids that excites him. Doing all the stuff we never appreciated. Field trips, group activities, that sort of thing."

"Hey, I always appreciated field trips. Remember the time we went to the space museum? How cool was that?!"

Kendall stopped chewing. "The space museum. Oh, we are so doing that Saturday. Noah's gonna love it!"

"You guys should take Logan along. I bet he'd be a great guide. And maybe I should go, too. You know, to get to know Noah better."

"Right, because it's Noah you really want to know better," Kendall teased.

"Dude, I do!"

"I know," Kendall laughed. "But aren't you covering for Glenn Saturday?"

"Oh. Damn. Wait, I work Sunday, too. Think I could get Gina to cover me?"

"She can't work Sundays. Monica might do it for you, if you apologize for repeatedly telling everyone that story about the rude customer and the coffee."

"Yeah, I do feel bad for always laughing. But I mean...come on, man!"

Kendall shook his head, checking the time. Five minutes left. He'd eaten so fast that his stomach was complaining, but at least he wasn't hungry anymore. "I'll see James tonight, if you want me to run the move-in date by him."

"Nah, I can text him. You know, you might as well just move in. Aren't you there every night anyway?"

"Noah doesn't know that. And it's only been one night since Noah arrived. Wait, no. Two."

"And you're staying tonight, right?"

"I...probably," Kendall sighed. "But still, I don't want him to know. He needs to trust me. I'm surprised you're not telling me it's too soon because I just met James."

"Well, it is too soon. Any smart person would say that."

Kendall smiled. "Logan said it."

"Of course he did! He's smart!"

"So why aren't you?"

"I guess...because I know it wouldn't do any good. You're so far gone, man. And you're happy. I know it's a lot to deal with, the whole Noah thing and having to help...put them together or whatever, but you're happy. James is crazy about you. Noah is too, we were talking about you while James was meeting with that lawyer. He really wants you to live there."

"I know." Kendall started gathering their trash. "I'm pretty sure it's going to happen eventually."

"And yeah, it's too soon. It might not work out. But what if it does, you know? You've made two people incredibly happy."

"What if it doesn't? Then I've devastated two people."

"Kendall, do you really think it's not gonna work out?"

"You just said it might not."

"Well, nobody can see the future. We have to consider that possibility. But what I do know is that even if it doesn't, James and Noah will be better for having you in their lives. Noah was telling me about the brownies, and about the _Wizard of Oz_ , and something about waffle sandwiches? And oh my god, the Tickle Monster! I can't believe you use that! My freaking grandpa was the one who started that!"

"I just wanted to make him laugh," Kendall blushed. "And it worked."

"And that's my point, dude. He was gushing about you and then I asked about James and he was quiet, but I finally got him talking and he loves his dad. He didn't say it, but I can tell. You did that."

" _James_ did that."

" _You_ did that. You convinced Noah to give James a chance. So yeah, it's too soon. But so what? Everyone's happy. Who cares?"

Everything always seemed so simple when Carlos spelled it out. It was annoying sometimes. Mostly, though, it was what Kendall needed when he over-complicated things. "I think you'd be good for Logan. I bet he makes things too complicated, the way I do."

"Feel free to pass that on, should you talk to him."

"I gotta get back to work." After standing up and stretching, Kendall moved to the door and peeked out. Business was slow, so he made a snap decision to take a few extra minutes. "I need your opinion on something."

"Logan's hot."

"Something specific!" Kendall laughed. "And this is serious, so..."

"Sorry." Carlos' grin showed that he really wasn't. "What's up?"

"School."

"School? Like for Noah?"

"No, like for me. James is really having a tough time dealing with everything. Not just Noah, but things that are coming out about Shannon. He had a breakdown tonight after Paul left. And I hate that with my crazy schedule, I only get to see him for maybe an hour each night outside of weekends. He needs more than that."

Carlos crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you saying?"

"I just...I want to be there for him. For both of them. Something has to give. I can't give up this job, obviously. I need the money. And I don't want to lose the internship, because it's going to help land me a job when it's over. I hope. But school...I can take a semester off and still be okay. By the time the next one rolls around, things should be more stable at home and it won't be so hard on them for me to be away. I need to know...is that a crazy idea? I can't get back the money. And Mom won't be happy about it, but I think when I explain everything she'd understand. God, I still haven't even told her about James and Noah. So much going on. But...would I be stupid to do that?"

For once, Carlos didn't have a ready answer. He thought it over, fingers tapping the table, and then asked, "What does James say?"

"I haven't mentioned the idea to him. I know what he'd say, and he'd tell me not to do it. That they shouldn't disrupt my life. He'd feel bad about it. But I think he'd also be really relieved."

"We know Noah would be happy if you spent more time there."

"Yeah." Kendall poked his head out of the room again, knowing he couldn't stay back here forever. "The truth is I'm having a hard time focusing on my studies anyway because I'm always thinking about them and hating that I'm not there. But at the same time, I really do believe they need time alone to bond."

"They'd have that when you're at work. I mean, twice a week you'd still be gone most of the day and night because of this place and the internship."

"But Noah will be in school during the day and James will be at work at night, so they won't have a lot of time together as it is and I don't want to intrude on that."

"Okay, two things. One, if that's the case then it doesn't really matter anyway. If you drop out and don't move in, when would you see Noah?"

"Uh...not in the morning. I doubt they'd drive out here every day before school. So then...after work most days. And I'd be there to tuck him in at night."

"Which James is probably not going to be there for anyway, once he gets back to work. So it's not like you'll be intruding on anything other than dinner time, right?"

"True. And they both like me there for that. What's the second thing?"

"The fact that I'm going to be there soon, so it's not like they'd have all that time alone as it is. Wait, if you move in, would James even still need me?"

"Yes, because I work nights twice a week. And we'd want date nights, so...don't worry, you still have a place to live."

"Just making sure. Do what your heart tells you, Kendall. If you feel like they need you now, be there now. I mean, why are you studying to be a lawyer?"

"To save families."

Carlos nodded, having predicted that answer. "Start with this one."

As always, it was so simple when Carlos spelled it out.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N—Posting this chapter a little early, but the next won't be up until probably next Wednesday, so this will have to tide you over. Sorry it's a bit shorter than usual; it was a good place to break. Thank you as always for reading (and for reviewing, if you do, or at least sharing your thoughts with me), and I hope you all have a great week! :)

* * *

Noah was nowhere in sight when Kendall stepped into the apartment, but the sound of splashing from the direction of the hall told him where the boy could be found. James had left the front door unlocked for Kendall and was currently silhouetted against the night sky as he stared out over the city with his arms wrapped around himself. It was to him that Kendall was drawn first, and when he embraced James from behind, James melted back against him.

"Hey, beautiful."

"I thought you'd never get here."

"I know, the bus was delayed by an accident. I'm sorry."

"We should've just picked you up."

"No, I told you I didn't want Noah out this late."

James spun around then, molding himself to Kendall's body and holding on tight. Kendall felt slight trembles radiating from James and kissed his temple. "You doing okay?"

"No." James' voice was dead. "I haven't wanted to use this badly in years."

"Use? You mean like...?"

"Yeah." Now the words were filled with shame. "It's how I used to cope. I've created a life where I'm in control and not surrounded by so much uncertainty, and now suddenly I feel like I'm not in control, like I could lose everything, and I don't know how to stop it."

"I can tell you how."

James stepped back enough to stare into Kendall's eyes, hope springing into his own. He looked more tired and pale than Kendall had ever seen him, as if fear and uncertainty had drained the life from that beautiful face. "How?"

"You won't like the answer," Kendall smirked. "Well, half of it."

"Oh god, is it 'wait and see'?"

"Sort of. It's 'one step at a time.' That's how you cope, babe. You worry about what's in front of you and what you can change right now, and let go of the things you can't until you actually can. Then worry about those things."

Fluttering eyelids showed Kendall that he'd managed to surprise James. "That's like...it's just like the serenity prayer. I forgot all about that."

"The serenity prayer?"

"Yeah, we learned it in rehab. We always said it at meetings. It's basically what you just said. And now that I think of it, one day at a time is how we learned to live without using, too." James blinked at Kendall again, looking at him as if he'd never seen him before. "Did you...have you gone to meetings? Is there addiction in your life you haven't told me about?"

"Other than you?" Kendall joked. "No. I'm not sure where I learned all that. Maybe just...life. Dealing with my dad leaving. I'd never been so lost and scared, and I had to learn how to adjust."

"Sometimes it just amazes me how perfect you are for me. It's like your whole life was training for me, so you'd know how to deal with me and help me."

Kendall smiled, leaning in to kiss the tip of James' nose. "Maybe it was. I didn't know how lost I was myself until I found you guys." The thought of Noah made him realize the splashing had gone silent. "Is he okay?"

"Noah?" James called out. "You good?"

"Yeah." It wasn't his usual exuberance, but the next words were louder. "Is Kendall almost here?"

Kendall opened his mouth to inform Noah that he was indeed there when a hand was pressed over it and James yelled, "Almost! I'll be in to get you out soon! I want the toys put away in that bucket!"

"Kay!"

To Kendall, James said, "Sorry. I wanted another minute alone with you. I miss you."

Kendall hugged James to him, loving the way James again molded to him. "There's one more coping method I think might be good for you."

"Yeah? Does it involve taking you to bed?"

"Uh...that's your call. Use me."

"Hmm?"

"Just what I said. Use _me_. Not drugs. When you want to use, talk to me instead. Let me get you through it."

"You were busy tonight. I called Logan, and he helped."

"Oh, good. I'm glad you have a friend like that, who can do that for you."

When James suddenly stepped away, his gaze was narrowed in suspicion. "Are you...?"

"What?"

"Oh my god, you are. You're jealous of Logan." The realization tickled James so that his eyes sparkled. "That's hilarious."

"What?! I am not."

"You so are. You realize we're just friends and always have been, right?"

"Of course. I'm not jealous. I just...wish I'd been available."

"Well, I do, too, but you weren't. And I... _used him_ instead. But babe?" Kendall waited, and James made sure he was listening closely before continuing. "You're the one whose hands I want on me. You're the one I will use, in every way and every day, for the rest of my life. I swear there's nothing to be jealous about. It's you I'm going to marry. And when I'm terrified, it's you I'm going to reach for first. Not Logan, and not drugs. You're my—"

Kendall never found out what he was, because he couldn't live even another second without a kiss from the man who said everything he needed to hear. The intensity behind the kiss rocked James and he whined softly, needing Kendall to follow through on the promise of so much more once they made it to bed. But then just as suddenly, the lips were gone. "Nooooo."

"I'm sorry," Kendall gasped. "You just...when you say things like that, I can't...I feel like _I'm_ losing control."

"It's much more fun when you do it," James winked. He switched gears, the smile slowly dying. "Will you go talk to my son and get him to love me again?"

"Things still not good?"

"It's...the barely-talking thing again. Will only speak if I ask him a question and sometimes I just get a nod instead. Babe, you should've heard him on the way to school this morning; he wouldn't shut up. It was so great, I want that back."

"We'll get there," Kendall promised. "But I think this time we both need to talk to him. I can tell him a million times that you're sorry and you love him, but he needs to hear it from you."

"He won't talk to me."

"He'll listen. I've learned that about him; he takes it all in, even when it seems like he doesn't care." Kendall twined his fingers with James' and tugged. "Let's go talk to him. Together."

James was scared again; it was clear in his eyes. He obeyed, though, and as Kendall pulled him toward the hall, he felt like they were two parents heading in to have a serious talk with their son. It was a feeling he was quickly getting used to, and rather than bother him the idea was welcome.

James' fingers tightened around his. Kendall lifted their hands to kiss James' knuckles. "We got this, Dad. He wants to love you, he's just afraid to."

"Well...fix that. Work your magic."

Kendall grinned. Magic had apparently become his specialty.

* * *

A quick peek into the bathroom showed Kendall that not only had Noah already been shampooed and washed, he'd stacked his wet toys in the bucket as James had asked. "Who's ready for story time?"

A loud gasp escaped the boy, who obviously hadn't heard Kendall come in. "You're here!" Noah caused soapy bathwater to lap crazily against the sides of the tub as he jumped up in an attempt to throw himself at Kendall.

"Whoa, buddy, tubs are slippery. No jumping around, you could hurt yourself." But Kendall welcomed the small, drenched body that leaped into his arms and clung like a monkey. "Hey, kiddo, I missed you, too."

"Noah, he's all wet now. He doesn't have a change of clothes." Having grabbed a towel off the rack, James sank onto the closed toilet lid and held it open. "Come dry off."

"It's fine," Kendall laughed. "I can just...take them off later. To _dry_ ," he added, James having to fight the smirk that came with the vision of Kendall taking off his clothes. Noah slowly approached James once Kendall set him down, still apprehensive but allowing his father to take care of him. Kendall asked, "Did we get the shampoo out of his hair?"

"Yeah, we did all that before you showed up. I was just letting him have fun with his toys while we waited."

Noah shivered in the cold air, gladly rushing to Kendall once given the okay, and Kendall got him outfitted in warm pajamas while James pulled the plug to let the tub drain. "You got the comb for his hair, babe?"

They both froze when they realized Kendall had let the nickname slip, but Noah didn't seem to notice; he opened a drawer and said, "In there."

James was back to looking like he might pass out. "Calm," Kendall mouthed while gently combing Noah's hair. "I love you."

That did the trick; James took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm gonna go get everything ready for story time."

There really wasn't anything to get ready, but Kendall knew James needed to escape. "We'll be right in." He waited until he and Noah were alone to ask, "So how's it going tonight? He's been nice, right?"

"Yeah. I'm scared he'll yell again."

"I know. Have you told him that?"

"That I'm scared?"

"Yeah."

"No. That might make him mad."

"It won't. Did he say he was sorry for yelling?"

Noah's face crinkled up in thought. "I don't remember."

"Well, he is. He feels bad that he scared you."

"He said that?"

"Yep. He wants you to feel safe here."

"I do when you're here."

"I know." The words brought a warm smile to Kendall's face. "But I can't be here all the time, so..."

"I wish you could."

"Me too, buddy. Okay, you look good. Shall we go on in and let Daddy read us a story?"

"Will you stay here tonight?"

"Uh..." Kendall had already been planning on it, but how to tell Noah that? "Where would I sleep?"

"There's room in my bed!"

"Nah, it's a little cramped for sleeping all night. I guess there's the couch in the living room. Or...I could sleep in Dad's bed, that's bigger. You know, keep an eye on him."

Noah thought that over, torn. "Is it safe with him?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Cause he likes you."

Fuck. They were still on that. "Well...I can protect myself, if that's what you're afraid of."

"Did you bring your wand?" Noah whispered, as if James might overhear.

"Actually...not all wizards need wands. I'm old enough that I don't."

"Really? That's so cool!"

"Right? So I can take care of myself if I need to. How about I stay in the room with him, and if you need anything at all you come get me?"

Noah nodded eagerly, the thought of Kendall being in the apartment all night making him feel safe.

"I have to leave early in the morning for work, though. So we can't have breakfast together."

"At the cabin?"

"Yeah."

"Can we come and see you? And have hot chocolate?"

"That's up to your daddy, kiddo. I bet you can talk him into it, though. Come on."

They entered Noah's bedroom hand in hand, James seated at the desk and paging through the book of fairy tales with a sad look on his face that brightened (or tried to, for Noah's sake) when he saw them. "You guys ready?"

"We are, but..." When Noah tried to climb under the covers, Kendall held him back with a hand on his shoulder. "First we all need to have a talk. It's important."

It was a toss-up between who appeared to be more frightened by that—James or Noah. Kendall sat down on the edge of the mattress, then pulled Noah up next to him so they were facing James. "I need you to tell Daddy what you told me in the bathroom."

Noah's fingers fidgeted until his hands were wringing in a gesture exactly like one Kendall had seen James do when he was nervous. He couldn't help finding it adorable, even though the reason behind it was fear. He reached over and inserted his own hand between both of Noah's, forcing them apart so that he could hold one. "It's okay. He's not gonna be mad."

After a glance at James as if to gauge the truth behind that, Noah looked up at Kendall. "Promise?"

"Swear. Talk to him, bud."

James slid out of the chair, the book falling to the floor. He crawled closer on his knees, then took Noah's other hand in both his own. "What is it, Noah? I promise I won't get mad."

It was a struggle. They waited it out, and then finally in a tiny voice the words tumbled out. "I'm scared you're gonna yell again. I don't want to make you mad."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." There was no holding James back now—he reached out to pull Noah against him, Kendall letting the boy go. Noah was stiff in James' arms, but James held on tight anyway. "I know it scared you, and I'm so sorry. I'm working on it, okay? I get mad when someone upsets you, and that lady at the school made you so sad. It wasn't her fault, it was mine for not checking into everything first, and you were just so sad that I got mad. But that's not the way to deal with things and I'm trying to learn better ways. Kendall is teaching me."

"You said it wasn't your fault."

James froze, realizing he'd probably pushed Noah further away with that admission. "Well...I was mad. I wanted to blame someone else, but the truth is I should've blamed myself." After placing Noah back on the bed next to Kendall, James looked into his eyes. "I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. And I wanted you to be happy so bad that I took you to school without finding out all the rules first. So that's my fault, and I'm sorry. But I'm even more sorry that I yelled and scared you because that's the last thing I ever want to do, is scare you. I want you to feel safe with me."

Noah's head tipped back so he could look up at Kendall, who had said something similar not even five minutes earlier. Kendall nodded now in a "yep, I told you" manner. "It's scary here sometimes," Noah admitted, and Kendall's heart cracked.

"Because of the yelling?" he prompted.

That might've been part of it, but there seemed to be more. "I'm scared that..."

James' hands tightened around his son's. "Go on. Tell me the truth. I'm still gonna love you no matter what."

Noah swallowed hard. "I'm scared you'll stop."

"Stop what?"

"Loving me. And you'll go away, like Mommy did."

Though the words opened the crack in Kendall's heart wider, he was relieved Noah was finally saying these things to James.

James blinked against tears that threatened. "I understand why you're scared. Sometimes you love someone and trust someone and they let you down. They leave and abandon you, and then you're all alone."

Noah nodded.

"Here's what I _can_ promise you, and this is a promise I mean more than any other promise I've ever made in my life. Are you listening?"

Another nod, this one slight even though Noah still wouldn't look at James.

"You are the most important thing in the world to me. Nothing matters more than you. No thing, no person. You are what I care most about, and I will take care of you. I might not always be a perfect dad, and I might make some mistakes like I did today, but I'm here for you and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and make you happy. I love you, Noah."

Finally Noah's gaze shifted to hazel eyes that were a mirror to his own. "How come you didn't come see us? Grandma said you didn't love me."

James fought hard against the anger and regret pushing to get out, and Kendall was proud when he won that fight to answer in a shaky but calm voice. "Grandma doesn't know everything. Maybe she believed that, and that's why she said it. I don't really know why she does the things she does. I can only tell you that she's wrong about that, that I love you very much and if I could've come to see you sooner, I would have. I wasn't able to. That's not gonna happen again, okay? I'm here for you now and that's not gonna change."

Noah bit his lip, thinking hard. They let him. Finally he asked, "Promise?"

"On my life, baby. I want you here."

"She said you didn't, and she'll come get me."

Kendall's eyes fell closed; here was proof of what he'd been dreading from the start.

"Well, here's what I'm going to tell you right now, Noah," James stated. "She can try all she wants, but I'm your father and I want you here. This is where you belong, with me and Kendall. We're your family. I know that you love her, and in her own way your grandma loves you. But it's my job to take care of you, it's me you're supposed to live with. If you ever decide you want to live with grandma and grandpa instead, you can tell me that and we'll talk about it. I want you to be happy, so if you're not happy here..." He almost lost it then at the mere thought of that, but then he found strength and continued. "If you're not happy here, tell me and we can go from there. I just want you to be happy, baby."

Kendall's hand slid up Noah's back to squeeze his shoulder. "Are you happy here? It's okay to tell the truth. Always tell the truth."

Again, Noah needed time to think. Kendall was impressed that even at such a young age, the kid was a deep thinker. "I like story time."

"Okay..." James nodded. "Is that all?"

"I like my books. And my bed. And the stars. And tacos. And watching movies. And brownies!"

Kendall couldn't hold back a laugh at that, James joining in. "Yes, we all love the brownies. Kendall's good at that."

"And I like the cabin!"

"The cabin?" James frowned.

"He means Black Forest," Kendall inserted.

"Oh. I guess it is like a cabin."

"The zoo was fun. And waffle sandwiches, and corn dogs, and Harvey! Harvey's funny!"

They both grinned, having to agree that Harvey was pretty great. "What are you saying, Noah?" James finally asked. "Do you want to stay here?"

"I like it here. I'm scared it'll all go away."

"We won't go away," Kendall promised. "Your dad and me, we're not gonna let that happen."

"Can I really go to real school?"

"Absolutely," James nodded. "I just need to get one more thing before we can try again."

Kendall piped up. "Oh, and I checked into the uh...immunization. The drugstore on the corner has a walk-in clinic. In and out in twenty minutes or less."

"I love you," James mouthed.

"What's 'munization?"

"Stuff you have to do for school," was James' vague answer; Noah had been through enough emotional upheaval for one day. "But yes, you can for sure go, we just have to get everything we need first. I'm hoping by the end of the week you'll be ready. Maybe even Wednesday."

"But no promises on that," Kendall was quick to clarify. "We promise that we're going to try, but we can't promise a specific day."

Noah deflated a little, and James hugged him. "I know I have a lot to learn about being a dad, but if you give me a chance, I will do everything I can to make you glad you stayed here. Will you stay?"

Though there was a moment where Noah froze up, it was brief before he hugged his dad in return. "I like it when you spin me like a airplane."

Coming from Noah, that was as good as "I love you." James' face lit up. "Then I'll do it every day. Please stay, baby."

Noah's gaze shifted up to Kendall, who whispered, "I'm here."

It was enough. "Kay. Just don't yell."

"I won't! I'll try super hard, and I'll be more patient, and I'll try to be more like Kendall when I'm mad instead of yelling. I'll be nice."

"You really do get further with that, James," Kendall pointed out. "The second you get rude, people don't want to help you."

"I know. You're right, you're right, I just...okay. I'll work on it. You two can keep me in line."

Noah nodded. Kendall added, "You know, if you really want to work on it, you might start with Corey."

"Corey?" The name was said with distaste.

"Yes. An apology would be nice."

"So I should reward shoddy service with an apology?"

"No. You should apologize for making him feel like...doodoo. Yes, he ruined your latte, but that doesn't give you the right to treat him like...well, doodoo."

It was obviously the last thing James wanted to do, but he nodded. "Fine. Next time I see him, I'll apologize. But will you teach him how to do it right? I won't put up with inadequate service."

"I will discuss the finer points of sprinkles with him, yes. Now since we've agreed that Noah is staying and you're going to be nicer, why don't we settle in for story time? It's late and some of us have to get up early tomorrow. Oh, by the way, I'm staying over, James."

Neither had been prepared for that announcement, as Noah already knew but was worried James might be angry that he hadn't been consulted on the decision. Of course James also already knew, but Noah didn't know that. It was James who broke the heavy silence. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Noah and I discussed it after his bath, and he asked me to stay the night. Since your bed is the only one big enough for two adults, I'm sleeping there. If that's okay."

"If that's...uh, sure. Yeah, it's cool." James shrugged as if it was no big deal either way. "I must warn you, though, I'm a blanket hog."

Kendall's lips twitched. "Well, I'll find some way to keep myself warm."

"You know, maybe you should just...bring over some clothes. And your toothbrush, that sort of thing. So you can stay the night whenever Noah wants you to. Which, I'm guessing, is...every night?"

Noah's eyes left no doubt that the answer was yes.

"We'll see," Kendall replied. "Let's just take it one day at a time, okay?"

Kendall could see that neither of them was completely satisfied with that plan and took a moment to muse over the fact that father and son were more alike than James even realized. Still, James got his point, and agreed to the terms.

"Okay. We'll just have to make sure you...sleep well. So that you want to stay over again."

 _Sleep well._ Kendall knew it wasn't sleep James had in mind as a bargaining chip, and he smiled as James bent down to pick up the book he'd dropped earlier. He laid down near the wall and pulled Noah back against him after the boy was snuggled under blankets, both settling in for their favorite time of the day.

James' eyes danced as he dove into the next story, happy to have his two favorite people hanging on his every word.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N—I'm back! I'm still settling back into my daily routine after vacation, and have been distracted by a lot of things so the writing isn't happening as often as it was before (or at all). I've gotten into a habit of posting twice a week for this story, but I need to write a lot more before I can post the next chapter so I don't know when it will be up. Hopefully not more than a week! Thanks for coming back to this if you're here, and I hope you enjoy this one! It picks up where the last one left off, after the emotional talk between James, Kendall, and Noah, followed by story time. :)

* * *

As was becoming the routine, James and Kendall kissed their way to James' bedroom, but Kendall interrupted the heated moment because there was something that needed to be said. "Hey," he whispered, that being all he could get out before lips were on him again. He gently pushed James away and continued, "I'm proud of you."

That surprised James enough to pause his ardor. "What?"

"I know how scary that was for you, to talk about your feelings with Noah. And to hear everything he had to say. And you could've said hateful things about his grandma, but you didn't, and I'm proud of you for it. I just wanted you to know that."

"You're proud of me," James repeated slowly.

"Yeah. Is that...okay?" Now Kendall wondered if he'd said the wrong thing, if James would somehow take that as being talked down to.

Long fingers slid up Kendall's chest to meet around his neck before James answered. "You know...you're the first person to say that to me for as long as I can remember. You said it once before, and I never told you how it made me feel, but...thanks. It means more to me than you can imagine, because I look up to you so much and if I can make _you_ proud..."

"You really shouldn't put me up on a pedestal, James. I'm not perfect."

"You're the closest thing I've ever found to it." James followed the words with a long kiss that emphasized everything he was trying to say. "I need to go do my face before bed, but...don't forget where we left off."

Kendall frowned when James moved away. "Do your face?"

"Yeah." He flipped on the bedroom light, and once seated at the vanity he added, "I've been slacking off since Noah came into my life and I haven't had to dance, but this face is part of my meal ticket so I need to keep it in shape."

Amused, Kendall sat on the bed to watch as James picked up a pouch of some sort of face wipes. "You have nothing to worry about, babe, that face is beautiful."

"And just why do you think that is, sexy?" James smirked. "I have a ritual. Laugh and I'll deck you."

Kendall found it adorable. "Any other rituals I should know about before I marry you?"

"Well, you already know about the cooking thing, with the music and the wine." His face clean, he applied some sort of serum to it. "And I need to get back to working out. I miss that, it helps me cope. Once I get Noah in school, I can start hitting the gym again. Oh, that reminds me. Babe, can you check my phone and see if Paul called? It's in the kitchen. So is your dinner, but that can wait if you don't mind."

"No problem." Though he was quite enjoying the current view (for some reason he'd never understand, he found it fascinating to watch James apply mysterious creams and lotions to his face), Kendall hopped up from the bed. He'd made it halfway down the hall when James called out to him.

"It's on 'Do Not Disturb' so you'll have to turn that off!"

"Got it!"

Finding James' phone was easy; figuring out how to turn that off wasn't, as Kendall had never used the "Do Not Disturb" mode. Eventually he found the right button, and the moment he shut it off James' phone went into what felt like a never-ending series of vibrations as notifications popped up.

His boyfriend was certainly popular.

By the time it stopped, Kendall had returned to the bedroom and sunk down on the bed again.

"Anything from Paul?"

"Getting there. You missed a lot."

"That's why I use that mode."

"How come I always get through?"

"Because you're listed in my favorites, silly. I set up who I want to be able to reach me no matter what."

"Oh." That brought a smile to Kendall's face. "Thanks."

"Duh," James chuckled, now patting his own cheeks lightly for some unknown reason. "Anything from Paul?"

"Uh...let me see. Babe, you have twenty-five missed calls."

"Good, they're finally getting the message that when I say 'vacation,' I mean it. Yesterday there were almost fifty. Just look for Paul, I don't care about anybody else right now. Except Logan. Oh, and Carlos; he's supposed to call when he figures out the move-in date."

"He's thinking Sunday, but he'll call and let you know for sure." Kendall started scrolling, noting that Paul had indeed left a message three hours prior. Curiosity kept his thumb moving, though, and while most of the missed calls were from names he didn't recognize, Kendall did recognize one—and that name had called three times since morning. "Jett's sure anxious to get in touch with you."

"Ugh," James groaned. "I know. I really do need to call him, I feel bad. But he was a dick to my son, and to you. Unless...did you exaggerate that out of jealousy?"

"No! He really was. Why is he calling so much? Were you guys like...serious?"

"No, babe, nothing like that. Although I guess he was the guy I brought home most often." Apparently finished with his ritual, James twisted around on the tiny bench to face Kendall. "He works with me at the club. We were a duo for awhile. You know, we'd dance together on stage. But then the owner suggested I start doing my own thing, and..." James shrugged. "I feel a little bad about that, too. But I bring in a bigger audience, so..."

"I'm not at all surprised. I've seen you dance."

"He's not bad, he's just...I don't really know. For whatever reason, I'm the one people come back for."

Kendall nodded slowly. "Again, I'm not surprised. So you were sleeping with him, but also friends?"

"I guess. We never really hung out, except sometimes we'd stop and get food on the way here. But I made sure not to make him a habit because I didn't want him thinking we were going somewhere. So he was more like...god, this sounds so bad. You're gonna think I'm an asshole."

"Don't hold back with me, babe. I don't want you to feel like there's anything you have to hide."

James chewed on his bottom lip, eyes looking a lot like Noah's when the boy was afraid to say something wrong. "I just don't want you to think I'm some slut."

"Am I the only person you're sleeping with now?"

"Of course! There's been no one else since our first date!"

"Exactly," Kendall smiled. "I know that. You're not a slut."

"Well, I kind of was before you. But only when I was really lonely and couldn't stand it. Sometimes I'd pick up a guy at the club, but when I just didn't feel like putting in the effort, Jett was always willing to come home with me. And I feel like an asshole for taking advantage of that."

"Don't. He knew what you were offering, and more importantly, what you weren't. Does he know about Noah?"

"No. Nobody there does. All I told my boss was that I needed some time off for personal stuff, and since I never call out or anything he had no problem with it as long as I promised to come back. He says they don't make as much money on my nights off."

Kendall let out an amused sound. "Aaaaaaand again—not at all surprised."

"You're biased," James grinned, but he was loving the repeated compliments. "Most of those calls are from people who book me for private shows. It says on my outgoing message that I won't be available for a few weeks, but..." James shrugged.

"You're in high demand."

"Something like that." James actually blushed (Kendall finding that adorable, too) before asking, "So did Paul call or not?"

"Oh! Yeah! Sorry, babe, here."

James took the phone and found what he was looking for, then played the voicemail on speaker so they could both listen.

" _Hi, James, this is Paul Gardenas. I know we haven't discussed our terms yet, but I went ahead and contacted Noah's grandparents about the birth certificate since I know you're anxious to get him in school. I was lucky enough to catch Pete, and he apologized for the inconvenience. He was under the impression that Sherry put it in Noah's suitcase. We set up a time in the morning when Sherry won't be home, and I think it's best if I go just in case she shows up. If you'd rather go yourself, let me know. Otherwise, I'm available to meet with you at ten to discuss the situation, and I'll have the certificate with me. Just let me know. Thank you."_

Kendall's first question was, "Pete's the grandpa?"

"Yep." James seemed torn between being angry at Sherry and impressed with Paul. "He's easier to deal with than the bitch. I can't believe he already did all that, before we even discussed payment. Paul, I mean. He's awesome."

"I think he was a good choice to represent you, should that time come," Kendall agreed. "And ten is perfect for me, since that's about when I take my lunch break tomorrow. Unless he needs to meet you at his office, which...where is that?"

"Not far from Black Forest, actually. I'm not sure where Shannon was living when she died, but I'm starting to think she purposely chose a lawyer not too close to her mom's house. They're two cities over."

"Same county, though?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just makes things easier when dealing with the courts. Not that you'll have to, I'm just thinking ahead. Based on what Noah said about her coming to get him, and the fact that they sent over no belongings other than a week's worth of clothes, I'm almost positive she's going to make a move soon."

The mere thought of it drained away the color James had patted into his cheeks. "What can she really do, though? I'm his dad. She can't make that go away."

No, but there were ways to paint James as an unsuitable parent. Kendall decided not to go into that, not now when James was finally getting a handle on his emotions. "Let's not worry about that until we have to. One day at a time, remember?"

"Right. Serenity prayer. Okay then. Let me just call Paul and let him know tomorrow is a go. I expect you to be naked and ready for me in thirty seconds."

It only took Kendall fifteen.

* * *

" _He got the certificate! See you soon, sexy."_

This was followed by a string of hearts and a winky face and...something else Kendall wasn't quite sure of but it might have been a kissy face? He wasn't too versed in the art of emojis.

Still, he grinned down at his phone display, his heart lighter for the text. After reaching for the coffee he'd prepared for himself before retiring to Black Forest's breakroom, Kendall put a call through.

"Babe! Did you get my text?! Paul got it!"

"I saw," Kendall chuckled, in love with the excitement he heard in James' voice. "Did he have any problems?"

"I don't know, I'll ask when I meet up with him later. We'll be there right before ten, if that still works for you?"

"It's perfect. I was thinking I'd take Noah across the street to the burger place, since I'll need to eat something. Did you guys get breakfast?"

"Yeah, but I'm sure he won't mind some fries or a cookie. I really need to start feeding him better."

"One thing at a time, babe. How's it going today?"

"Good, actually. Got him up and dressed, cooked breakfast, and tried watching some cartoons with him but he's not really into that. So now he's sitting in his room reading. But I don't feel like he's avoiding me; he just loves his desk. We miss you already."

The last two comments had Kendall smiling again. _He'd_ built that desk. "I miss you guys, too."

"Hey, so when are you free for the uh..." James' voice dropped to a hush. "Shots?" Then he returned to his normal volume. "I want you to be there, because it might be hard on him. You have class tonight, right?"

Did he? Kendall still hadn't made up his mind about that, though he was leaning toward dropping the semester. "We can go after I get off work today."

"How much time does that give us? There might be a wait at the clinic and I don't want to make you late for school."

"Don't worry about me, babe. Noah's more important right now."

"You both are important. I can find a place closer to your school if that helps. But I just realized I don't even know where that is."

"Don't worry about it," he said again. "Let's get Noah taken care of. If we get the certificate and the immunizations today, he can start tomorrow, right?"

"God, I hope so. The woman said that's all he needed. Are you sure? I hate that we keep uprooting your life."

"You're not," Kendall promised. That wasn't exactly the truth, but Kendall didn't mind it, so it was fine. "I don't mind—"

"What? Yeah, you want to talk to him?" Two seconds later James said, "Kendall, he wants to talk to you."

"Oh. Sure!" Praying it wasn't anything bad, Kendall waited to hear Noah's voice.

"Kendall?"

"Hey, buddy!" The huge smile was back. "Good morning!"

"Hi! Daddy cooked pancakes again. You missed it!"

"I missed pancakes? Aww man! I'll make sure to get some over the weekend, when I have time to stay for breakfast."

"Daddy said we're coming to see you today! At the cabin!"

"Yep. I'm gonna take you out for lunch, if that's okay."

"Just me?!"

"Just you. I can't wait."

"When?"

"Soon. I actually have to go back to work now, but I'll see you in a few hours. Is everything okay today? No problems with Daddy?"

"No. We watched T.V. after breakfast. Now I'm reading! I finished the book about the dog."

"Did he solve the mystery?"

"He did! It was the butler! What's a butler?"

"Uh...it's a guy who works for a family and takes care of things around the house. He's always there and probably sees everything, so it would be easy for him to hide a crime."

"Yeah, nobody knew it was him! Now I'm reading about a boy who dreams about flying to other planets!"

"Sounds pretty exciting, bud. You'll have to show me that one tonight."

"Can you stay again tonight?"

"Absolutely. I gotta go, okay? But I love you."

Kendall hadn't meant to say that, hadn't even known it was a thought in his mind. When Noah said nothing in return, he realized what he'd said and swallowed hard. "Noah?"

"Babe?"

"James? Where's...did I scare him?"

"What did you say? He was fine, and then suddenly he wasn't. I grabbed the phone and he ran off to his room."

Kendall's heart sank. "I told him I love him. I didn't mean to, it just..."

"And that upset him? Really? He freaking adores you, why would that upset him?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should go talk to him about it."

"No way. I can't even get him to talk to me about _me._ You two can figure it out over lunch."

"I guess," Kendall sighed. "But still, check on him. I'll see you soon."

"Okay. I love you."

With James, there was no hesitation. "I love you, too."

* * *

"Hi, Carlos!"

Kendall was on his knees behind the counter, digging for a container of almond milk that had somehow been pushed all the way to the back, but he recognized that joyous greeting from Noah immediately. He straightened and moved closer to the register, James' eyes lighting up at the sight of him. Noah was slower to react, and when he did, it was to avert his eyes.

 _No. No fucking way, I am_ not _going through this with Noah._

He rested his elbows on the counter and leaned forward. "Hey, kiddo. Ready for lunch?"

"Not hungry." Still he wouldn't meet Kendall's gaze.

"Well, I am, and I don't want to eat alone. Give me five minutes and we'll head out, okay?"

Noah said nothing. James offered Kendall a sympathetic gaze before paying for their order, and Kendall moved back to his place with a heavy heart. If this was how it felt to not have Noah's trust, he wanted no part of it.

There was an added coffee to the usual order, which Kendall assumed must be for Paul. Sure enough, the man stepped into the building a moment later and James greeted him with a handshake before leading him to a table, Noah's hand secure in James'.

Once the orders were done, Kendall called out, "Monica, I'm taking my lunch!" She waved him away, and he carried the three drinks over to James' table. "Here you go, gentlemen. Paul, nice to see you again. Thanks for coming through on that paperwork. Noah, I'm just gonna go take off my apron, okay?"

There might've a been a nod; Kendall couldn't be sure.

Because Noah needed both hands to hold his hot cocoa (also because Kendall wasn't sure if Noah even wanted to hold _his_ hand), Kendall used one on the boy's shoulder to steer him toward the intersection. He allowed Noah to keep his silence until they were approaching the counter of the fast food place, then bent down to one knee.

"Want a snack to go with the hot chocolate?"

Noah shook his head.

"Not even some fries? I know you love those."

Again, the response was a negative. Kendall shrugged, then placed his order. He added on an extra bag of fries and a cookie, hoping he could sway Noah. By the time the order was ready, he realized the conversation they needed to have might not work in a public place. "How about we take this back to the cabin?"

There was no agreement, but also no argument. Kendall took that as a yes and together they returned to Black Forest, again in mostly silence.

James started to stand when he spied them, worried something had gone wrong. "We're gonna eat in the breakroom," Kendall shared. He shook his head when James opened his mouth. "Come find us when you're done."

"I got it," James blurted.

Well, that was welcome news. "Great! Thanks again, Paul. Noah, come keep me company while I eat lunch."

Again the boy said nothing, but Kendall wasn't going to be deterred. Noah hopped up onto a chair in the breakroom, holding onto his hot cocoa as if it was a safety net. "Is that still warm enough for you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Let me know if it gets cold and I'll make another one." When Noah fell silent, Kendall bit into his burger and said, "Okay, spill it. What did I say that upset you?"

Scared hazel eyes glanced up at him before dropping. Noah sipped at his cocoa.

"Noah, I'm a wizard. I can tell when you're lying or hiding something. I need you to be honest with me." He gave Noah time to think that over, then gently prompted, "You can tell me anything."

"I don't want you to go."

"Go where?"

"Away."

Kendall leaned forward, having to strain to hear because Noah was staring down and barely moving his lips. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You will if I say it."

Kendall's brows drew together. "Say what? I won't get mad."

"But you'll disappear. Like my mom did."

It took a bit for Kendall to puzzle it out, but after thinking back on what he'd said, he thought he understood what Noah meant. "Did you tell her you love her?"

"She left."

"When?"

"After I said it. She left and never came back."

"And you think it's because you loved her? Because you told her you did?"

Noah shrugged, unsure.

"Had you said it before?"

A shake of blond hair was the answer.

"I see. So you said it, and then she left, and then she died."

Tortured, pleading eyes finally met Kendall's. "I don't want you to die."

Kendall slid an open hand across the table. Both of Noah's remained in his lap until Kendall wiggled his fingers, silently inviting the touch. Finally a smaller hand settled over his and he wrapped his fingers around it. "Your mom didn't die because you love her. She died because she was sick. Remember, you told me about that."

"But she was sick all the time. She didn't die until I said it."

"That's not why. I promise."

"Then why did it happen?"

"Because..." Why indeed? Kendall thought he knew why, but how to explain that without tainting his memory of Shannon? "Because she made a mistake. A big one."

"Daddy said he makes mistakes, too. He's gonna disappear, isn't he?"

The fact that Noah seemed distressed by the idea was actually progress, in Kendall's opinion. "He won't make that same mistake. He doesn't do the bad stuff anymore. And that's why your mom died. She was doing the bad stuff. But she didn't mean to leave you."

"What if I say it again and you and Daddy don't come back?"

Kendall shoved his bag aside, then held out his other hand. Noah took it so that both sets of hands were holding tight. "Say it now."

"No!" He tried to pull away. Kendall didn't let him.

"I'm right here and I'm not going to disappear. Try it."

"No! You'll leave and you won't come back!"

"Hold on tight to me and say it. I love you, Noah. Do you love me?"

Noah shook his head wildly and was still trying to free his hands. This wasn't going to work. He tried a different tack. After letting go of Noah's hands and scooting his chair out, he patted his lap. "Come hold on to me so I can't go anywhere."

That much Noah could do. He hopped up and hugged Kendall tight, Kendall returning the gesture. "Say it now."

Noah didn't want to.

"You're holding on so I can't leave. It's okay. Say the words."

Noah's entire body was trembling.

"I love you," Kendall whispered. "I'm right here."

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I'm scared."

"I know. But you're not alone. Loving people means you're never alone."

"Promise?"

"On Scampers' soul."

"Okay, I'll try. But if you disappear after I say it, remember that I love you."

Kendall's lips quirked up. "I won't forget. You ready to say it?"

"I don't know."

"Guess what, buddy? You just did."

Noah leaned back suddenly, wide eyes full of terror. "What?"

"You already said it. And I'm still here."

The realization hit that Kendall was right, and Noah waited in fear. Slowly he calmed down.

"You ready to let go?"

"You won't go anywhere?"

"Nope. I'm just gonna sit here and eat my burger. And my fries, which are fantastic."

Clutching fingers loosened. Kendall reached for a fry and offered it to Noah. The boy opened his mouth, Kendall grinning before popping it in. "Good, right?"

"Yummy."

"Why don't you head back to your own chair and you can have more? I bet your hot chocolate's starting to get cold now, so you'd better drink it up."

The threat of cold cocoa was enough to get Noah moving. He slid off Kendall's lap and jumped onto his chair to sip from the cup, a hungry gaze drifting to the fries.

"So are we okay? You're gonna talk to me again? It hurts my feelings when you don't look at me or talk to me. I miss my buddy."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I know you were scared. But what's important is to tell me why you're scared, like you just did. Your dad, too. We just want to help you through whatever's upsetting you. So if you get scared again, you can tell us. We'll fix it. Okay?"

"Kay."

"Want some more fries?"

"Yeah. I wish I got some."

Kendall leaned forward as if to impart a secret. "Well, lucky for you, wizards can predict some things. I had a feeling you would. This bag of fries is for you, and so is this cookie. Though I might want a bite of that."

A gasp transformed Noah's face into that of a happy little boy again, which Kendall thought they hadn't seen nearly enough of. _Yet._ Noah eagerly reached for his fries, then changed his mind and went for the cookie instead. He surprised Kendall, though, and broke it in half rather than dig in. "Here." One half was set down next to Kendall's burger. "That's for you."

"Thanks! You're the best buddy a guy could have."

Back to his old self, Noah chewed happily on his fries. Kendall did the same.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N—Happy Saturday! I finally managed to write another chapter, so I'm posting one. Hopefully I can get back on track to at least post once a week. I know where the story is going, it's just a matter of getting there and finding the time/motivation to write again. Hopefully I'm out of my slump!

Thanks so much for reading this and I miss you guys!

* * *

Kendall stopped for a quick chat with Carlos on the way out. "Did you get Sunday covered?"

"Yeah, Monica said she'd switch with me. Now I have to work her Friday, but at least I can get moved in. Any word on whether or not Uncle Logan will be around?"

"We haven't discussed it yet," Kendall grinned. "I'll see what I can do. And I'll let you know about Saturday. If we spend the day there, you could probably join us when you get off work. For a few hours, anyway."

"I'll take it, I love that place!"

"We're heading out to get Noah shots for school, so I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, you forgot the whipped cream on that."

"Does that—oh shit. Thanks. So you're dropping school?"

"Probably. We'll talk about everything tonight. I'll be in touch."

"Okay, good luck at the doctor's." When Carlos moved to pass over the order he'd finished, he smiled at the sight of James and Noah waiting for Kendall by the door. "You'd better get going; your family's waiting."

A thrill worked its way up Kendall's chest at the words. "Family" was exactly what they'd become.

* * *

Kendall frowned at the new addition he came upon when holding open the back door of James' car for Noah. "What's this?"

"Oh! I forgot you don't know about that." James leaned around the open door while Kendall stepped back to let Noah climb in. "We got this last night while you were at work. I was reading up on things new parents need to know, and it turns out he's supposed to have a car seat. It's the law."

Thinking back, Kendall vaguely remembered Katie riding in one for years. He supposed he probably had, too, but had no recollection of that. Noah was already settled in, seemingly fine with the idea as long as there was a book within reach. "You good, buddy?"

"Yeah! Just don't do the belt too tight!"

"I made that mistake," James blushed. "Poor kid could hardly breathe. Let me—"

"Let _me_ ," Kendall interrupted. "I need to learn how to do this." It looked much more complicated than it probably should. James talked him through it, and they made sure Noah was comfortable before closing the door. "Why do they make those things so difficult?"

"You should've heard me cussing the damn thing out yesterday," James chuckled. "At least until I realized what I was saying. Noah's face..."

"Was he scared?"

"Not really scared, more like...shock? I apologized and read the instructions, and it was fine. Come here."

"Where?"

James led him by the hand to the trunk of the car and popped it open. Once the view from inside was blocked, he pulled Kendall to him for a deep kiss. Kendall started to pull away but then realized why James had opened the trunk and let the kiss take him over the way he'd been dying for since the moment James stepped into Black Forest at lunchtime. "I've been wanting to do that all day," he admitted once James' lips backed off.

"Me, too. This is so hard."

"I know. We should be good until bedtime now."

"Which is so many hours away," James whined.

Kendall pressed another kiss to his lips. "We'll survive. Let's get these shots over with and then we can spend the evening making it up to him." He reached up to shut the trunk, then they parted ways until they were settled in the car.

"How long do you have before class?" James asked while buckling in.

"I've got all night."

"But I thought you had school on Tuesdays."

"I did. We'll talk about it later."

"Kendall, you can't keep missing school for us. I appreciate it more than you know, but—"

"We'll talk about it later," Kendall said again, more firmly this time. James got the hint and eased up, at least for the moment. His eyes promised the discussion wasn't over.

"So...Noah," James started. "I have some good news and some bad news."

"It's not bad news," Kendall corrected.

James glanced over at Kendall before turning out of the lot. "You think this can in any way be considered good news?"

"Of course it can. Once this is done, we'll be able to get Noah in school. Besides, we're gonna do it together."

James' eyes shot open wider. "Excuse me?"

"It'll be..." Kendall knew "fun" would be stretching it a bit; nothing about getting shots would be fun. But it might at least be... "An adventure." He shifted in his seat as well he could, glad that Noah was behind James so he could see the boy. "You want to go to school, right?"

Book open on his lap, Noah nodded in excitement.

"There were two things that your dad needed to do before that can happen. He did one today."

"You did?!" Noah asked.

"Yep," James nodded. "Paul helped me, so half the battle is done. Now we just have to do one more thing, and that should hopefully be enough. But it's gonna take some bravery."

"We're gonna do it together."

James shook his head. "Kendall...what the hell are you talking about?"

Kendall reached over to squeeze James' thigh in a "trust me" gesture. "Just what I said. We're going to a store right now, Noah, and they're gonna give us medicine so we don't get sick. That's really important, because when you first go to school and meet all the other kids, it's easy to get sick."

"I don't want to get sick," Noah worried, perhaps thinking of his mother. Kendall could feel his fear from the passenger's seat.

"We don't want that either. So we're going to see a doctor, who's gonna give us special medicine to keep us from getting sick."

"All of us?"

"Uh...you and me for sure. I don't think Daddy needs to worry about it."

"But what if he gets sick?"

"I'm not going to," James promised. "And we'll give you a treat after. We could buy you a toy, or a new book, or...what sounds good?"

Noah thought it over. "Can we have tacos for dinner?"

James' face lit up. "Yeah? You want tacos again? We just had them twice."

"I like them."

"Okay then, buddy. Tacos for dinner is your treat. Anything else?"

"Can we watch a movie tonight? With Kendall?"

"Uh...Kendall might have other plans, so—"

"We can absolutely watch a movie tonight," Kendall assured them. "After dinner and bath time."

"What about story time?"

"For sure."

"Yay!"

James grinned over at Kendall, happy that his son was smiling again. "Thank you," he mouthed. Kendall squeezed his hand in answer.

* * *

"I'll get you out in a minute, baby," James said to Noah before closing the car door. He lowered his voice to hiss over the roof. "What the hell are you thinking? We can't all get immunization shots!"

"Relax," Kendall chuckled. "I didn't want him to go through this alone, so I'm getting a flu shot."

"A...oh. I never thought of that."

"We should all do this. For him."

"Fuck you, nobody is getting near me with a needle. I don't believe in flu shots anyway."

Kendall was about to tease James for his vehemence, but then remembered James' past and wondered if needles had been part of that. He sobered and nodded. "That's fine. Noah and I will brave it together." He was about to turn away when James' next soft words reached him.

"I love you. I know I say it too much, but especially in moments like this...I love you."

It took all of Kendall's resistance to not rush around the car and hold James. "It's never too much, babe. You can say it all you want once he's in bed tonight."

"Oh, I'll definitely say it," James winked. "Probably with less words."

Kendall was grinning as he entered the drugstore, Noah's hand in his. James found the pharmacy first and got in line while Kendall took Noah over to a small waiting area. He sat Noah down, then knelt next to him for the second serious talk they needed to have. "So we're gonna do this together, right?"

"Right!"

"Good, because I'm a little scared. I might need you to hold my hand."

Noah blinked at Kendall. "It's scary?"

"A little bit. It hurts, but not for long. They have to use a needle to get the medicine inside us. Do you know what a needle is?"

Nodding gravely, Noah said, "I'm supposed to stay away from those."

"Normally, yes. They have bad things in them sometimes. But the ones here have medicine that we need to keep us from getting sick. So it's important that we do this. You want to go to school, right?"

"Yeah."

"We have to do this, then. It'll be quick, I promise. And then after? Tacos!"

The prospect of tacos was dimmed a little by the fear of needles. "Will you hold my hand, too?"

"Of course I will. Oh, here comes Daddy. I'm gonna go get set up for my shot, okay? Stay here with him, I'll be back."

"They said it would be about ten minutes," James informed him in passing. "Is he okay?"

"He's scared. I want to go first, though, so he sees that it's no big deal."

"Ask if they can do that. I'm gonna go walk around with Noah and pick up a few things."

"I'll find you guys."

"Noah? Come on, let's go get you a smaller toothbrush; the one I gave you is too big. Oh, and that soap we're using isn't really good for kids. We need something that's hypo-allergenic, whatever that means." James held out a hand and Noah rushed to him, easily slipping his own into the larger one.

Kendall watched with a soft smile, thinking of how far they'd come in...wow, it wasn't even a week. Everything had changed the moment James found the courage to talk to Kendall, and then it had all changed again when Noah came into their lives. How had he lived without this?

Noah glanced back once and Kendall gave him a thumbs up, the smile widening when he turned away to approach the counter. He certainly wasn't looking forward to getting a damn flu shot, but for Noah he'd do pretty much anything.

* * *

The sight of the needle spooked both of them. Kendall had never been a fan of getting shots, but still he didn't remember the needle being so...big.

The pharmacist asked him a few questions and he chose the left arm for it. He rolled up his sleeve, mind on just getting through this, and then a small hand shot out from the right. "Here!"

Kendall gladly took Noah up on the offer, reminding himself that he needed to show Noah this was no big deal. "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you're here to get me through this."

"It's gonna be okay!" Noah promised. "And now you won't get sick!"

Knowing how important that was to Noah, Kendall nodded. "That's right. We won't get sick."

The pharmacist was gentle and it went much faster than Kendall had feared. "That's it!" she proclaimed once it was done and bandaged over, and Kendall smiled down at Noah.

"See? Quick and easy. I'm all done."

"You did it!"

"I did! Thanks for holding my hand."

"Did it hurt?"

"Just a tiny bit. Like a sting. But it's over now, and once you're done we can go home and make tacos."

"Kay!"

Feeling eyes on them, Kendall glanced up at James, who was standing nearby with pale cheeks (surely brought on by the sight of a needle) but twinkling eyes. "What are you smiling about over there?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about how lucky I am."

"Cause you don't have to get a shot?" Noah wondered.

"No," James chuckled. "Because I have the best family in the world."

Though a blush stained Kendall's cheeks, he was touched by the comment. "We are pretty lucky, aren't we?"

The pharmacist returned. "Okay, Noah, let's get you done so you can go home. Are you excited about school?"

Noah chattered on about that while she worked, Kendall holding tight when his words started to falter in fear of the approaching needle. "It's okay," Kendall soothed. "I'll protect you like you protected me."

That did the trick. Noah closed his eyes, crying out once at the feel of the prick, but Kendall talked him through it and then it was over.

"Great job, Noah," the pharmacist smiled. "Now hold still, we have a few more."

Noah's eyes welled up. "But Kendall only got one!"

"That's because I already got all the shots you're getting, buddy. You have to catch up. Just a few more, okay?"

James chimed in. "Just think about how much fun you'll have at school! You can't go unless you catch up."

His bottom lip trembled, but Noah nodded and closed his eyes again. Kendall kissed his hair and whispered, "It'll be over soon, buddy. Then we'll be home, just you and me and Daddy."

Noah braved the remaining shots, hugging Kendall when the pharmacist announced "all done."

"We did it!" Kendall grinned. "I'm so proud of you!"

"It hurt."

"Yeah, but that'll go away soon. You ready to get out of here?"

"Where's Daddy?"

Kendall spun around to find they were alone. "Good question. Be careful with the sleeve, don't pull off the bandage."

James was being handed paperwork when they emerged into the waiting area. "So next month?" he asked.

"Right," the pharmacist nodded. "Then he should be good until the following year."

"Got it. Thanks again." He pasted a smile onto his face for Noah's benefit. "You guys ready? Noah, I'm so proud of you, Munchkin!" After passing Kendall the paperwork, James lifted Noah off his feet for a tight hug.

"It hurt!"

"I know, I'm sorry about that. Listen, we have to come back next month for more medicine, okay? I just want to warn you now. But that will only be one shot, I promise."

Noah's lower lip pushed out. "Can Kendall come with us again?"

"I'll be here," Kendall nodded. "Promise."

"Can we go make tacos now?"

"You got it, baby. Maybe Kendall will even teach you how to grate the cheese."

Kendall commented, "Oh, I'm really good at that. And the best part is that the cheese grater gets to eat some of the cheese while he works."

"Uh, not too much," James warned. "We do need to save some for the tacos."

"I think we deserve a little extra cheese after what we just went through."

"I like cheese," Noah shared.

"Don't we all, buddy," Kendall laughed. "Don't we all."

* * *

By the time they made it back to the Pembroke, Noah had forgotten all about the ordeal in his excitement over the new book he'd started. Most of the drive home was spent listening to him explain the story's premise while wishing he could also visit planets in his dreams.

That reminded Kendall of the space museum, so during a pause he mentioned, "You know, I might know of a way you can visit them in real life. I mean, you can't actually go to the planets, but we can see them and learn about them here on Earth."

"How?!"

"When I was in school, we went to the space museum. It was really neat, we got to look through telescopes and feel what it was like to be on the moon. Does that sound like fun?"

A glance in the rearview showed that Noah was about to explode from anticipation. "Can we go? Daddy, can we go?"

"Is it far?" James wanted to know.

"No, I looked into it on my break today. It's about an hour's drive. I was going to ask if maybe you guys would want to do that Saturday."

"Don't you work Saturday?"

"Well yeah, but I get off at ten. That's plenty of time."

"Daddy, can we go?!"

"That'll be my last weekend off," James sighed. "We can definitely go."

A loud, ear-splitting squeal of excitement burst from Noah. Kendall laughed. "Watch out, buddy, we don't want to shatter the windows."

"I bet Uncle Logan would love that," James mused. "He probably has to work, but Noah, would you mind if I invited Uncle Logan?"

"Yeah! He knows a lot about space!"

"No promises, Munchkin. He works a lot, so he might not be able to come."

"I bet he'll find a way for that," Kendall smirked. "It was actually Carlos' idea. He loved that place when we were kids."

James shook his head. "Logan would kill me if I invited him."

"I know."

A huge grin stretched James' mouth. "Let's do it."

"Carlos works until three, so he wouldn't be able to join us for very long."

"That's okay, I don't think Logan could handle him for very long. What is it you always say, Kendall? Baby steps?"

"Baby steps," Kendall nodded. "One step at a time."

"Can I really see into a telescope?!" Noah wanted to know.

"Absolutely, buddy. We'll make it happen."

That squeal hurt his ears again, but Kendall didn't mind at all. Noah's happiness was the best sound in the world.

* * *

"Good afternoon, gentlemen! Out on more adventures today?"

They all stopped to greet Harvey, Noah shouting with glee, "I got shot!"

The color drained from James' face. "Baby, no, you got _a_ shot."

"Oh my," Harvey chuckled. "You're alright then, young Noah?"

"Yeah. It hurt, but we're gonna make tacos! And see planets!"

"Sounds like you have quite the evening planned. Mr. Diamond, if I might have a word with you?"

"Of course. Everything okay?"

"I believe so. There was a gentleman here asking about you earlier."

"Oh. Jett?"

"No, sir, one I've never seen before. He also asked about Mr. Kendall. I informed him that I cannot give out information about the residents, but I thought you should know."

James sighed, shaking his head. "That's what I get for the life I used to lead. Thank you, Harvey. I appreciate your discretion."

"It's my job and my pleasure. Enjoy your evening, gents."

"Thank you," Kendall smiled. That lasted until they stopped to wait for the elevator. "Who do think it was?"

"Probably someone Jett sent over. He knows Harvey won't let him in, but if he sends a stranger...it's the way Jett thinks."

"Did you ever call him?"

"No. I guess I need to."

"He needs to hear it from you, that it's over. He's not going to let go on his own, James. I wouldn't."

They stepped onto the elevator, and behind Noah's back James reached out for Kendall's hand. "That's why I love you," he whispered.

* * *

The preparation of dinner was another family affair, with Noah watching closely as James chopped onions, tomatoes, and cilantro. They let him sample a bite of that, and he closed his eyes before sticking out his tongue, which was covered with chewed-up bits of green. Laughing, Kendall helped him wipe his tongue off before offering him water.

Noah was not a fan of cilantro.

He was, however, a quick learner, and with Kendall's supervision he grated half a block of cheese that they pinched from only a few times. James started to reprimand them until Kendall fed him some, and then he was more lenient.

The one downside of dinner was that it was interrupted with a phone call from the witch. As he knew he must, James allowed Noah to take it. They watched as Noah's demeanor changed from happy, excited little boy to quiet, semi-fearful grandson while emitting nothing more than "yes" and "no" and "okay."

"I really wish I knew what she was saying," James muttered under his breath.

"You could always put it on speaker," Kendall suggested. "But then you might be tempted to yell at her, so..."

"Yeah. Bad idea."

They knew it the moment Grandpa took over, because Noah brightened and began to rattle off a list of everything he'd done that day.

James relaxed a bit, though he commented that he hated having dinner interrupted. "I never know when she's gonna call."

"You know...maybe you should take control of that."

"How?"

"Why don't you set up a time for him to call her each day? Maybe before starting dinner or something. That way she's not interrupting anything because you're in control, but she also can't say you're not trying or not allowing her to talk to him. You're just doing it on your terms."

James pursed his lips while considering that. "You're really smart."

"Sometimes," Kendall blushed, smiling as he picked up a second taco. "You're really amazing in the kitchen."

"Yeah? You're not sick of tacos yet?"

"Of these? Hell, no. I'm with Noah, we could have them for dinner every night and I wouldn't complain."

James preened, mouth stretched into a wide grin. "I won't make you eat the same thing every night. We'll make a list of your favorite things and I'll slip those in when I can. Of course, you won't be here for dinner most nights, so..."

Kendall knew James was purposely trying to push him into discussing why he wasn't currently in class. Again he said, "We'll discuss it later."

James merely rolled his eyes.

"—and we might go to the space museum! Yeah, Daddy said! And we're eating tacos!"

They both laughed softly, Noah's excitement over tacos always adorable.

"Kay. Bye, Grandpa! I miss you!"

James caught Kendall's eye, having heard the truth behind that. Noah really did seem to miss his grandfather.

"It's something to think about," Kendall said quietly before Noah hung up and passed the phone to James.

"You really miss your grandpa, don't you?" James sighed.

Noah had already returned to his meal and spoke through a mouthful of rice. "He's nice."

"Do he and your grandma fight a lot?"

"No. No fights, Grandma says no fights. Grandpa just says okay."

The words confused Kendall, but he could see that talk of Grandma was starting to agitate Noah so he changed the subject. "What movie are we gonna watch tonight, guys?"

That discussion took up the rest of dinner time, but Kendall still wondered what Noah meant by "Grandpa just says okay."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N—I cranked out another chapter this morning, so here you go! Sorry for the slow updates, it's taken me a while to get back into the groove since vacation. Getting there, though. :) Thanks for reading, and thank you also to my awesome beta for having patience with me while I figure all of this out and change/redo as I go. The planning of this story has been a struggle. Enjoy!

* * *

It seemed both forever and in the blink of an eye before they were snuggled up in bed for story time. Further cementing their routine, Kendall had handled bath time while James cleaned the kitchen, and then they met up in the living room for a movie. Now Noah was snug in his zebra pajamas and cuddled up against Kendall while listening to James voice an evil stepmother (which he did surprisingly well).

"She's scary," Noah murmured to Kendall, who nodded. "She wants to hurt Snow White."

"Yeah, not someone I'd want to cross. But Snow White has the dwarfs to protect her."

"Like I have you?"

"And Daddy," Kendall agreed. "We're both going to keep you safe."

James stopped reading. "Am I interrupting social hour over there?"

"Sorry, Dad," Kendall grinned. "We were discussing the story. Please, go on."

James did, but only after making sure his audience would remain silent. That worked for about thirty seconds, and then Noah whispered, "Daddy is good at the voices."

"Mm-hm."

"He sounds scary."

"But he's not."

"Does he really love me?"

"With all his heart."

Noah leaned closer to impart, "I think I love him, too."

After raising an eyebrow at them in warning, James waited another five seconds to continue. This time, they stayed quiet and just listened.

* * *

As usual, there was so much for them to talk about once Noah slipped into slumber. They left him sound asleep under the protection of Kendall the Lion and his moon nightlight, and Kendall barely made it out the door before James was on him.

"Babe, wait, this is important."

"After."

"No, not this time."

Kendall grabbed James' hand and dragged him to the bedroom, where James again attempted to distract him from talk with kisses and roaming hands.

"God, I love you, but this really does need to wait a second. You're gonna want to hear what I have to say."

James finally backed off with a long-suffering sigh. "You know how much it turns me on to watch you being all...fatherly."

"I know, and I get it. But babe...he said he loves you."

That put a stop to James' frustration. He stood near the bed and stared at Kendall in wonder, hardly daring to believe it. "What?"

"That's what we were whispering about. He said 'I think I love him.' About you. And what you don't understand about him yet is that loving someone absolutely terrifies him, so for him to say that..."

"Right, because he's afraid to get attached."

"It's more than that. We have so much to talk about. But I wanted you to know...it's working. It's happening. He loves you, babe." Having predicted James' reaction, Kendall held out his arms. James went to him and let Kendall hold him up as he cried softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so ridiculous with the crying and emotions and..."

"Stop it, I told you I love this side of you. I love that you feel so deeply."

"He said that?" James still wasn't over it.

"Yep. He also says you do the voices really well."

"I fucking love that kid so much."

"I know." Kendall hugged James tighter, nuzzling his hair. "And he loves you. I told you it would take time."

"I'm so scared to fuck it up now. I mean, I almost ruined it yesterday at the school. What if I blow up again?"

"You don't. It's that simple. You don't blow up. You do whatever it takes. Call me, take a walk, go into your car and yell at no one if you have to. But you control that temper because if you don't, he'll go right back to being afraid of you."

James stepped back and wiped his eyes. Kendall moved to the nightstand for a tissue, passing that over to James. "You okay?"

"I'm...really? He said that?"

"Yeah, babe. He said that."

"Okay. Okay, I need to calm down. The mood's kind of...gone, so let's talk while I do my face."

Kendall got undressed and slid into the bed, eager to watch James go through his nightly ritual.

"Start with telling me why it's okay that you missed school _again_."

That might lead to a fight. Kendall braced himself. "I'm taking a break."

A cleansing wipe dropped away from James' face. "A break? Can you even do that in school?"

"Just until the next semester."

"Which is...what, months away?"

"Something like that."

James spun around on the bench to study Kendall. "Why would you do that?"

"Because other things are more important right now."

"No."

"Babe—"

"No. No, you are not dropping out of school for us."

"You're right, I'm not. I'm just taking a break. I'm still going to keep my internship going."

"Kendall, no! I won't let you make the mistake I did. School is important, and you won't make your dreams come true without it."

"That's debatable, but I really will go back, babe. I swear. It's just...I need to do this. For you and for Noah, but for me, too. I know what's right for me, and right now this is it."

"Kendall..." James shook his head, then returned to cleaning his face. "What exactly does this mean? What changes?"

"I'll be free after work most days. Mondays and Thursdays I have my internship at the firm, so I'll work evenings those days. But otherwise, I'll be here. You'll be going back to work, what...next week? And Carlos will be here but I'll be around to help with the transition. Noah seems to trust Carlos now, so that's good. But I think he'd be more comfortable if I was here, at least until he gets used to Carlos."

James' voice softened. "You're doing this for Noah."

"For both of you. For all of us, really."

"Babe...are we really worth all that? I mean, this is your dream. To be a lawyer."

"And I will be. But the reason I'm so determined to work in family law is to save families. Tell me how being here for you guys isn't that." James couldn't, so Kendall continued. "And yes. You _are_ worth it. You two are my priority."

There were a lot of thoughts spinning through James' mind; his eyes were a storm. "You realize it's been less than a week, right? That this is nuts, you completely changing your life for us?"

"Weren't you the one begging me to move in after like two days?"

His gaze dropped and James turned away, but not before Kendall noted the color rising into his cheeks. "I'm an idiot," James mumbled. "I shouldn't have pressured you like that. You have your own life to live and I was stupid to try to—"

"James, stop that. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be. I thought we were in agreement that I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah, but...what are you giving up for us?"

"Nothing. I'm not losing anything. I'm _gaining_. You guys gave me a family. A home. Love. It's all I've ever wanted."

Face now shiny and clean, James tossed the wipe into a bin near the vanity. He spun around again to look at Kendall. "Is there any way I can talk you out of taking a break from school?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Then I'll say thank you and be extremely grateful to have you at my side. Noah's going to be ecstatic that you'll be home every night."

"Almost every night," Kendall corrected. "And...yeah. That was part of the plan."

James couldn't fight a tiny smile. "He's not the only one."

And for some odd reason, the comment made Kendall's toes curl. "Okay, your turn to spill. What happened with Paul today?"

"Oh! Well, I got the certificate." James returned to his ritual, lifting some sort of cream from the vanity.

"Right. Did Paul have any issues?"

"He said Pete was great about the whole thing and kept apologizing. He knows how badly Noah's dying to go to school and felt bad that he couldn't because of...her."

"What do you think Noah meant earlier? About him just saying okay?"

"That struck me, too. Like...is it like when Noah gets on the phone with her and just says okay?"

"Could be. He was talking about fighting, though. So like...does Grandpa just say okay to everything because he's not allowed to fight? Or doesn't want to? I mean, what was it like when you were over there as a kid?"

"He really didn't say a whole lot, honestly. He'd greet me when I showed up, but mostly he was at work or watching T.V. when I was there. Usually some kind of sports thing. Sometimes I'd stay for dinner and he was quiet. Just sat there eating his food and not saying much. I never noticed it at the time, but now I'm realizing how weird that was."

"Was Shannon close to him?"

"She loved him, I guess, but I don't know how much she respected him. She knew he was no help in defying her mother. So...Noah's probably right. Most likely he just sits there and says 'Yes, Dear' and 'Okay, Dear' when she goes off. And there was no arguing with her, she was always right about everything. Shannon was terrified of her."

"You said there was no physical abuse, right?"

"Nah, I don't think there was any of that. Her mom was just...I don't know how to explain it. Just a very mean, unhappy woman who never wanted Shannon to go anywhere."

"Yet she sent her to college far away."

"To get her away from me. I don't even think she ever went."

Kendall reflected on what a miserable life Shannon must've had once discovering her pregnancy. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to distract you. We were talking about Paul."

"Right. Yeah. So...basically he said to me what you did, that she might try to get custody and that we need to be ready if that happens. He said we need to meet up and discuss things that she might use against me, which...well, I didn't tell him this, but there are many."

"You need to tell him, babe. Everything. He can't represent you properly without full disclosure."

"Okay, but she doesn't know anything about my current life. Only the past. And that's over, I'm not like that anymore."

"You can't count on that. I'm not trying to put you or your choices down, but she could use your career against you and say that's not the environment a child should be around."

"Noah's not going to be around that!"

"I know, I'm just playing devil's advocate here."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that I'm looking at it all from her point of view and trying to be ready for whatever shit she throws at you. She could even use me."

"She doesn't know about you."

"No? So Noah's never mentioned me on the phone?"

James thought back. "Not that I'm aware of. I listen to those calls, I'm pretty sure I would've noticed."

"Really. So he tells Grandpa about everything he does, but doesn't mention me?"

"Honestly, I don't think so. Did you tell him not to?"

"Not exactly. Still, though, it wouldn't be hard for her to find out about me. And my point isn't even that, it's just that she'll use anything she can. Your occupation and the fact that you have a boyfriend are things she would try to discredit you with."

"I'm not ashamed of either thing."

"I know, and I appreciate that. When you sit down with Paul to discuss everything that she might try to slam you with, you need to be completely open and honest so he can prepare a defense."

Seeming to be out of his element, James looked lost. "Will you come with me? To talk to him?"

"As long as we can find someone to watch Noah. Carlos is moving in Sunday, but I don't want to wait that long."

"Why?"

"Because I think she's going to strike sooner. She only gave him enough clothes for a week, babe."

"Fuck." Now finished with his face, James wiped his hands clean and stood up to peel off his shirt. "Fine. When is Carlos free?"

"Evenings."

"That won't work for Paul."

"I know. What about Logan?"

"I'll see if he can get free for a few hours tomorrow or the next day. Wait, we're stupid. Noah will be in school."

Kendall blinked in surprise, having completely forgotten that. "Oh. Right. But that's when I'll be at work."

"What if we meet at Black Forest again and you can maybe take a longer lunch? Would you be allowed to do that?"

"If I explained why to Annie, she'd be cool with it. And I'd have to stay a little later to make up what I miss, but that's fine."

"It's perfect then!" James grinned. He was now down to nothing but crimson boxer briefs and Kendall's eyes followed each shift of muscle under the fabric. "Are we done talking now? Can I get rid of these?" he teased, tugging seductively at the waistband.

"I so wish," Kendall breathed. He forced himself to look away. "One more thing we need to talk about, though."

"Are you gonna tell me why Noah got so scared on the phone earlier?"

"Yeah. But come to bed, you're too far away."

One corner of James' lips quirked up. "Can you control yourself long enough to talk?"

"Uh...keep the boxers on."

A delighted laugh escaped James before he shut off the light and slipped under the covers to cuddle up with Kendall. "Mmm, you're nice and warm. But no fair, you're naked and I'm not."

"Soon, gorgeous. Okay, so what scared Noah was me telling him I love him."

"We figured that much," James nodded, his hair tickling Kendall's chin. "But he seemed okay after lunch with you, so you guys talked it out?"

"Yeah. Turns out the last thing he said to Shannon was 'I love you.'"

"Oh. Fuck."

"Yep. And then she never came back. She died."

"Jesus. So when you said it to him..."

"I think he almost said it to me, or was maybe thinking that he loves me, and he was afraid that if he said it, I'd either die or never come back. Which is also why he hasn't said it to you."

"Kendall, my kid is so messed up. I don't know how to fix him, and I just want him to feel safe and happy but he has all these fears and how do we get him past that?"

"You know what I'm gonna say."

James let out a sigh. "Right. Baby steps. One thing at a time."

"Exactly. I got him past that today, or at least I hope. He was afraid to say he loves me, so I made him do it and proved I wouldn't go anywhere. I think he was still a little spooked when you guys left after lunch, but then when you came back to get me and nothing had happened to me, he believed it. He should know now that saying the words isn't going to kill someone or make them disappear."

"Can you imagine being afraid that telling someone you love them might kill them?"

"There's so much going on in that little brain of his."

"He's so fucking smart."

"Right, but also held back a lot by the trauma he's been through. And by whatever his grandmother put into his head."

"God, I just...I want to squeeze him and never let go."

"I know," Kendall agreed. "Try telling him you love him tomorrow. When you leave him at school."

"I kind of don't even want to do that. I'm so afraid those kids will fuck him up more."

"You have to let him be normal, babe."

"I know, I know. Can you come with us or do you work?"

"I work. What time does he get out?"

"Kindergarten is only a half-day, so I should have him back by one. I'm gonna try to talk with his teacher before, though, and explain what he's been through. Enough so she...or he, I guess...can understand how to deal with him. And I'm gonna tell her to have them call me if he freaks out. I'm gonna be a wreck the whole time, you know that, right?"

"Feel free to hang out at the cabin for a few hours."

"I might. But I actually do have some plans. I'm gonna hit the gym and run down to talk to my boss. He called me just to make sure I'm still going back when I said I would, so I thought I'd put his mind at ease. Plus it'll take my own mind off Noah for a little bit."

"Okay. You know where to find me if you need me."

James smiled and shifted so that Kendall was underneath him. "Always. That's one of the things I love about you, that you're always here for me."

"Still mad at me for taking a break from school?"

"A little. I won't be when dinner time rolls around tomorrow and you're sitting at our table with us."

"How about fried chicken for dinner?"

"Ugh, babe, that's so bad for us."

"You promised to work in some of my favorites," Kendall reminded him.

"Fine. But we're also grilling corn. And I'm making mashed potatoes from scratch. None of that instant crap in my house."

"Twist my arm," Kendall chuckled.

"What's for dessert?"

Rocking his hips up into James, Kendall whispered, "I can think of a few things I'd love to sample."

James whimpered before his breathing turned shallow. "Can I get naked now?"

Kendall flipped them to pin James to the bed, kissing him into delirium so that he could barely form thought. "You're just gonna lay here and let me take care of you, because that's what I do best."

James had no problem with that.

* * *

As always, the feel of that red satin robe under his hands was enough to make Kendall wish he didn't have to leave. James' lips communicated that he was having similar thoughts as Kendall did his best to back out of the front door, but with a groan Kendall used his hands to hold James in place.

The look of disappointment on James' face matched his own feelings. "Sorry, babe," Kendall panted. "Can't be late for work."

"I know," James whined. "See you after? We'll pick you up again."

"You don't have to. I need to stop at home and get some things, anyway."

"Like enough clothes and supplies to keep you here for at least a week?"

"Something like that," Kendall grinned, ducking another attempt at a kiss. "Wait, I meant to ask you last night. Did you and Paul discuss a fee?"

"We did," James replied primly, offering nothing more.

"And?"

"And what? We discussed it. I signed something called a retainer."

"Right. How much?"

"Not your business."

"Excuse me? How is that not my business?"

"Babe, you'd better go or you're gonna miss your bus." James started to close the door.

"Oh hell no, you're not kicking me out. How much, James?"

Shoulders deflating, James admitted, "I don't want to talk about it because if I do, you're going to try to help pay for my legal fees and you've done enough, Kendall. Just being here is enough. I refuse to take money from you for my own legal problems."

"Noah's not a problem."

"You know what I mean. I'm serious, you're not helping with this. I got it handled. I have a lot saved up."

"I know, but legal fees add up, babe."

"And I'll handle it."

James was not going to be swayed, at least not yet. Kendall certainly wasn't rolling in money, but he was willing to help with what he could. Moving in here would save him rent money that could be put toward legal fees. Now wasn't the time to press the issue, though, because James' pride was like a brick wall. Instead, he leaned in for one more kiss and said, "I love you."

The wall weakened a bit, arms reaching around to hug Kendall. "I love you, too. How about we meet you at your apartment when you're ready to head over here?"

"Deal. Call me and let me know how school goes."

"I will."

"And tell Noah I'll be here tonight so he can tell me all about it."

"I will," James chuckled. "Now go before I try to stop you again."

With a last wink, Kendall did.

And by the end of his bus ride, he'd figured out a compromise on the money that James would have no way to stop.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N—I'm on a roll with writing again, yay! Hopefully it lasts. Thanks to everyone who's reading and I hope you enjoy! :D

* * *

" _We did it! I just left the school, and he's in class!"_

Kendall had been waiting for that text. It had come in thirty minutes earlier, but with the morning rush he'd missed it, as well as the one that followed.

" _Paul can't meet with us until tomorrow, he's got court appearances. Can I come down for lunch and we can talk about everything? Feel free to say no if you're sick of me."_

Though that one was punctuated with a happy face featuring a tongue sticking out, Kendall knew James well enough to know part of him was afraid that was the case. He put that fear to rest immediately.

" _Never gonna happen, gorgeous. Be here around ten if you can. No later than eleven. When do you pick him up?"_

" _12:30. Just got to the gym, but I'll be there at 10. I love you!"_

Kendall sent back a heart, then downed a few sips of coffee before making a call he'd put off for too long. The good news was he could use work as an excuse to cut the conversation short, and he hated himself a little for being a coward but he knew this wasn't going to end well.

A cheery voice answered. "Hi! I was starting to wonder if I'd ever hear from you again, you haven't called in ages."

"Mom, it's been two weeks."

"And I'm used to at least one call a week. I miss you, you know."

"I know," Kendall sighed. "I miss you, too. I've just...had a lot going on."

"Is this new internship too much to handle? Because you could probably put that off until the summer, then you wouldn't have to worry about that along with school and work."

"No, it's not the internship. That's going well, actually. Have you talked to Carlos lately?"

"Yes, because I know better than to bug you when you need your space. So I called him."

"And?"

"And what? He told me he's moving this weekend. I asked where he's moving to and he said to talk to you about it, so I'm assuming you two are moving in together? Are you both afraid to tell me that you moved past friendship?"

"What?! No! Mom, no, he's not moving in with me and we're not more than friends. When are you gonna give up on that?"

"When you prove me wrong by finding yourself a boyfriend. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but I think if you'd just let someone in, you'd be happier."

"Mom..." Where to even begin? She'd be happy about James, but upset about school. "Okay, look, I only have about ten minutes left on my break, so let me get all this out and then you can yell at me another time."

"I'm not yelling, Kendall."

"Not yet," he cringed. "So the good news is I found a boyfriend." In the interest of saving time, he interrupted her excited gasp with, "His name is James and he's a...one of my long-time customers. The guy who tipped me a twenty a few years back, remember him?"

"The one Carlos says you're obsessed with?"

"I wasn't obsessed! He's gorgeous, you can't blame me for being attracted to him."

"But Carlos also said you never speak to him, so what changed?"

"He spoke to me. We talked, and it turns out he's been feeling the same way. So...we're together now."

"Kendall, that's fantastic! I'm so happy for you! When do I get to meet him?"

"When everything settles down over here. There's a lot more to the story."

"Well, hurry up and tell me, because your break will be over soon!"

"Okay, so we agreed to go out, but then he found out he's a father. The mother of the kid passed away suddenly, so now he's raising a child he didn't even know about."

That finally rendered her speechless.

"I've been helping him with that. The kid is great, his name's Noah and he likes me a lot, but he's been through some horrible things so he's having a hard time adjusting. That's what's been taking up most of my time outside of work and school. Well, _all_ of my time, really. But I'm not complaining, they're both incredible and I love them."

"Kendall."

"I know."

"How long have you been dating him? Less than two weeks?"

"Something like that," he hedged. "But long enough to know that I want to be part of their family."

"Honey...that's a lot to take on. You've already got so much going on, and I know you care about them but you have to worry about yourself first."

"You wanted me to find someone, didn't you?"

"Yes, but I didn't expect you to throw yourself into something so serious right away."

"Mom, you know that when I fall, I fall hard."

"I know, but...you can't take on all of that responsibility. You just don't have the time."

"Actually...time isn't going to be an issue for the next few months. I know you're gonna be mad, but I'm taking a break from school. Just until next semester!"

More silence.

"Please don't be mad."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you taking a break?"

"Because...look, I know you're not gonna understand this, but I need you to trust my judgment. They need me. Noah's grandma is causing a lot of problems and I'm pretty sure she's going to take James to court over custody and without me, she might win. They need my knowledge and my time. Please try to understand, I can't let her win. James is trying so hard to make things work with Noah, and...I'm sorry. I know it's not the most responsible thing I've ever done, but it's what I have to do. I...I love them, Mom." There was a long pause. "Mom?"

"You know, when I said you needed a boyfriend, this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"I know."

"Can you get any of the tuition back?"

"No. But I won't have to buy textbooks next semester, so there's that, right?"

She wasn't amused. "How long is your internship?"

"Three months. So by the time I go back to school, I'll only have to worry about this job and school. And by then, James and Noah will be good. They won't need me as much. Mom, I can't wait for you to meet them. You're gonna love Noah, he's so smart and so funny, and James is..." Kendall's voice softened. "James is pretty much everything I ever wanted in a man. Give them a chance before deciding this is a mistake. Try to be happy for me, because I've never been happier in my life."

"Oh, honey. Of course I want you to be happy. I just—"

"Then support me in this. This is what makes me happy."

"I'm withholding judgment until I meet them. Sunday night. You're bringing them over for dinner. I'll make sure Katie's here."

"Uh...can she behave herself and not scare them away?"

"I'll talk to her. You said Noah's been through a lot?"

"Yeah. He's getting better, but he tends to shut down when he's afraid. I'm telling you, Mom, you're gonna want to babysit all the time. He's the best."

Kendall could feel her smile through the phone. "Well, he's certainly won you over."

"They both have. Listen, I have to go, but thank you for trying to understand. I know you don't really, but...just meet them. Give them a chance."

"Sunday."

"I'll talk it over with James and let you know. I gotta go."

"Wait, you never told me where Carlos is moving! Hopefully not too far away from you."

"Oh, he's moving in with them. With James and Noah. He's going to take care of Noah when James has to work and I can't be there. Oh but...that's happening Sunday, too."

"So...Carlos approves?"

"Carlos loves them, Mom. And he's the one who encouraged me to follow my heart in this."

"Well, Carlos does know you well. So if he's on board with this...that makes me feel a little better. But only a little bit!"

"You'll love them," Kendall promised with a laugh. "I'll let you know about Sunday, we'll all talk and figure it out. Love you!"

"I love you, too, baby. Call me if you need anything, okay? Even just someone to talk to."

"I will, and I appreciate that. Bye!"

After hanging up, he let out a huge sigh of relief. She wasn't thrilled, but she was willing to give them a chance. That was really all Kendall could ask.

* * *

James surprised Kendall with his routine order from the sandwich place down the block, admitting when asked that "I called Carlos to find out what you like." For that, James received a second kiss in addition to their initial greeting once they were alone in the breakroom.

Both were hungry enough to dive right into the food, and the press of time had James doing the same with his story. "He picked out that same outfit and let me comb his hair. Wait, I took a pic for you!"

Kendall grinned at the sight of Noah in black jeans and a polo shirt, with his new jacket completing the ensemble. "You teased up his hair?"

"Just the bangs! Doesn't he look like a little rock star?" James asked proudly.

"He does. He's perfect, babe." After passing the phone back, Kendall urged, "So tell me how it went once you got there. They were cool with him even though you blew up the other day?"

"I had to apologize," James blushed. "But I mean, I planned to anyway. The first thing I did was ask for the woman I yelled at, and I told her how sorry I was and that I'd been upset because Noah was upset. She understood, and she was still a bit frosty with me but checked out all my paperwork and I could tell Noah was so scared she was gonna say no and turn him away. Because I warned him when we went in that I wasn't positive they'd let him start today, I wanted him to know that it wasn't for sure. But babe, he held my hand the whole time, it was his choice, and he held my hand because he was nervous and anxious and...you know? He reached for _me_. I provided him comfort!"

James' excited rambling brought a smile to Kendall's face. He swallowed a bite of turkey and cheese before replying. "You're his dad, babe. He feels safe with you now."

James shook his head as if Kendall wasn't quite getting his point. "I just never thought we'd get to that! I still can't believe it, that even when I was saying goodbye he hugged me so tight, like he didn't want to let go. He was excited, but still scared because...well, you remember what that's like. First day of school."

"Terrifying," Kendall agreed with a nod, then lifted a napkin across the table to wipe a smear of mustard from the corner of James' mouth. "So you met his teacher?"

"Yeah, she seems okay. Mrs. Lattimore. She's a little older than I expected, and I was worried she might be too severe for a kid like Noah, who's fragile and needs someone sensitive. But she showed him to a table with a few other kids and had them all color while I talked to her about him and explained some of his background, and she said she's had a lot of troubled students in her classes and knows how to interact with them. She also promised to email me every day after class for the first two weeks so I'd know how things were progressing. I asked her why not just talk to me when I pick him up, and she said sometimes it's easier to talk without the child overhearing."

"Makes sense."

"I'm sure she could tell I was a nervous wreck about the whole thing."

"And I'm sure she's used to that with parents," Kendall reminded him. "All parents are nervous when dropping off their kids for the first time. Especially at that young age."

"I was just...scared to push too hard. Not sure if he even wanted me to hug him."

"Did he?"

"Babe, he made me the happiest dad on Earth."

* * *

 _James doesn't know if he should say an official goodbye to Noah or just let him be. He's currently focused on whatever he's coloring, head bent over the paper in concentration, and the last thing James wants to do is embarrass his son with the hug he's dying to give._

 _He stands near the door, Mrs. Lattimore now moving around the room to study what each student is working on, and Noah suddenly looks over at him with a touch of fear in his gaze. He's wanted nothing more since Sunday than to be in this room with other children, and yet James thinks the prospect of being without someone familiar probably scares him a bit. James remembers his first day of school, when his mother offered nothing more than a few words that were meant to be a pep talk before brusquely striding away to leave him alone in a place that was foreign and terrifying. All he'd wanted in that moment was for his mother to turn back and hug him, to tell him it was going to be okay._

 _Noah's eyes shift back to his drawing, and James makes the decision. "Noah," he says just loudly enough that the boy will hear. Of course the other students between the two of them look at him curiously as well, but James ignores that; he cares only for his son. After crooking a finger at Noah, who jumps up and runs to him with a speed that tells James everything he needs to know, James bends down to one knee with open arms and then Noah is there clutching at him desperately. For a second James wishes Kendall was here, because Kendall would know what Noah needs to hear, but then he remembers that as Noah's father, it's his job to figure it out; he can't depend on Kendall to solve everything._

" _You okay?" he asks softly._

" _Scared," Noah admits. "What if nobody talks to me?"_

" _Are you kidding? You're so smart, everyone's gonna love you." James hopes, anyway. He recalls the numerous times he had to save Logan and Shannon from bullies and prays Noah finds a friend like that to protect him. He leans back enough to look into Noah's face. "Did you talk to any of the kids at your table?"_

" _No. But the boy next to me is coloring a spaceship!" Noah hisses in excitement._

" _See? You two already have something in common. I bet you'll be best friends by the end of the day."_

 _Noah shakes his head adamantly. "Kendall's my best friend."_

 _James' lips quirk up. He really shouldn't be surprised by that admission. "He's pretty great, isn't he? But you need a friend your own age, too. And I think that kid already likes you."_

 _Noah glances back over his shoulder just in time to catch the taller boy looking away from him. "Really?"_

" _For sure, buddy. Listen, I talked to Mrs. Lattimore and told her a little about you. She knows about your mom, okay? If you need to talk to someone, or need anything, you just ask her. They'll call me if you need me."_

 _The reminder of his mother has Noah's fingers fidgeting together. "What if I don't like it here? Can I come home?"_

 _James thinks that over; his first instinct is to say_ yes, absolutely, please come home _, but then he realizes that if that was the case, he'd be no better than Sherry when she feels like she's protecting Noah by keeping him away from others. "I'll tell you what, baby. You give this place two weeks. That's all I ask, and I think Kendall would agree with me on this. For two weeks, you come here every day, and if you still don't want to be here after that, we'll talk about it. Okay?"_

 _Noah decides that's okay and nods. James reaches out to fix his collar, which shifted when Noah's jacket was removed. "You look great, dude. I'm telling you, everyone's gonna want to be your friend. Especially with that hair."_

 _Noah's hand moves up to pat the wave his bangs had been formed into and fixed into place with some kind of spray. He's still not sure about it._

" _I'll be back when school's over. It'll go by super fast, I promise." He almost corrects himself, because the "promise" part slipped out and he's trying not to use that word with Noah unless it's a sure thing, but he's confident enough in the fact that Noah will love school that he lets it stand._

" _Will Kendall be with you?"_

" _No, Kendall will be at work. But we're gonna pick him up after and you can tell him all about it, okay?"_

" _Can I get hot chocolate?"_

" _We're picking him up at his place, but we can stop on the way home for some if you want."_

" _Okay!" The bright grin is back, the one James is really starting to get used to and prays never goes away._

" _I'm gonna go now, baby. Do you need anything else? Would I embarrass you if I hugged you again?"_

 _Surprising James, Noah doesn't answer verbally but instead hugs his father tight. James closes his eyes and treasures it, knowing that one day there will come a time when his son is "too old" for such displays of affection in front of others. "You're gonna be just fine, buddy."_

" _Kay."_

 _Gut clenched in fear that he's about to take another giant step back, James closes his eyes and whispers, "I love you."_

 _Noah's little body stiffens and James holds his breath. Then it relaxes just a tiny bit before Noah murmurs, "I love you, Daddy."_

 _It's like the weight of the world lifting from James' shoulders, like he's floating on air. It's similar to the way he feels when Kendall says it, and yet it's...different. This is his son, and his son loves him, and there is absolutely no other feeling like it._

 _James has to leave now before he breaks down into a sobbing mess. He stands and turns Noah toward the students, many of whom are openly staring even though they can't hear anything passing between the father and son. "Go take your seat," James urges. "You got this, buddy."_

 _Noah doesn't look at anyone as he returns to his table, but once he's seated he sneaks a glance at the spaceship boy next to him. The kid says something while pointing to whatever Noah had begun to draw, and Noah's face lights up. James catches his son's eye and winks, then with a wave he's gone._

* * *

"James. You handled that so well. I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah? I said the right things?"

"You were perfect! And you even got an 'I love you' out of him!"

"I know, that was the best part! I still can't believe he said it."

"He does love you, babe. And he's gonna be fine."

"I guess. I just...I keep seeing horrible things that could happen. What if he gets bullied?"

"I'll talk to him every night and make sure that's not happening. Hopefully he'll be open with me."

"He totally will, babe, he'll probably tell you anything you ask, being his _best friend_ and all. Part of me is jealous of that, but each day it gets a little easier because he's slowly accepting me."

Kendall reached over and squeezed James' hand. "I promise that in time he'll be just as open to you. Right now he feels safer with me."

"I know. And I'm not complaining, I'm just so grateful to have you in our lives and that you're here to help me with everything. The truth is..."

Kendall waited, sensing that whatever it was James wanted to say made him feel ashamed. "Go on," he urged softly.

James' cheeks flushed and he couldn't meet Kendall's eyes as he mumbled, "The truth is I'm glad you're taking a break from school."

A smile stretched Kendall's lips again. "I know."

"But it makes me feel selfish and like a horrible boyfriend."

"It was my choice, James. You didn't ask me to do it."

"Still, you did it for me. For _my_ kid."

"For _my_ family. Isn't that what we are?"

Now James looked up, something sneaky in his gaze replacing the shame. "Not if you don't move in."

"Oh, we're back to that," Kendall chuckled.

"Come on, babe, are you not packing a bag to bring over with you for the week? Why don't we just make it official?"

"Because there's already too much going on and Noah needs time to breathe."

"What Noah needs is _you_."

"He has me. I'll be there most of the time."

"So then what's the difference if you move in or don't?"

"Exactly. What's the difference?"

James let out a frustrated sound.

"Eat, I'm down to twenty minutes."

"You are so aggravating." James picked up his sandwich again, though.

"So you've said. But my point stands."

"Whatever. Just don't plan on sleeping alone for the next seventy years."

Kendall really liked the sound of that, and it boosted up his confidence enough to admit, "I told my mom about you and Noah today."

James almost dropped his sandwich, barely catching it in time to keep the top half from sliding off. "You did?"

"Yep. Called her on my break. Told her...well, about us, and about Noah, though I didn't go into a lot of detail about his past. Just the basics."

James swallowed hard before reaching for his water and chugging that down. "Did you tell her about school?"

"I did," Kendall nodded. He wiped his mouth and added, "She wasn't happy."

"I didn't think she would be. Not that you've told me a lot about her, but..."

"She just feels like we're moving too fast."

A snort escaped James' mouth. "She and Logan should meet."

"They're not wrong, but like Carlos said, even if it ends badly, we're happy now and we're doing Noah good."

Having just taken another bite, James slowed his chewing as if the food suddenly tasted rotten. "Do you think it's going to end badly?"

"Nope. I think we needed each other, and even if Noah didn't exist, that would be the case. You're everything I need."

James nodded, able to chew again. "I agree. Noah just...gives us more."

"I like that," Kendall smiled. "He gives us more. And Mom's willing to meet you guys and give it a chance, so that's enough for me. She wants us to have dinner with her and Katie Sunday night."

"Sunday?" James almost choked on his sandwich. "That's...a few days. Wait, aren't we moving Carlos in on Sunday?"

"Yeah, but she invited Carlos, too. Logan can come along, if he'll be around."

"Oh, he'll be around. He's not getting out of helping us carry a bunch of furniture."

"I think he's putting most of his stuff in storage, since he'll be sleeping in the living room. You know, Logan could be in charge of keeping an eye on Noah. Since he's not as..." Kendall hesitated, wondering how to say it nicely.

"Not as what?"

"Just um...you know. Strong."

James almost spit out his drink. "Are you kidding? Logan's ripped, babe. You just can't tell because he always wears those preppy shirts and jackets. Trust me, he's built."

Kendall blinked a few times. "Logan? Really?"

"I swear! He works out every morning before work. Says it clears his mind for the day. Which...I can attest to. It helps me."

"Wow, I had no idea. I don't even really work out much, just go jogging when I feel like getting some exercise. Shoot some hoops with Carlos here and there. Though I haven't had time to do any of that in ages."

"Well, now you will. My gym has an area for kids, we could make it a family thing. Maybe go in the afternoons after you get off work and before I have to start dinner. Or there's a gym at the Pembroke I haven't really checked out, we could do that."

Kendall pondered that. "Babe, when are you gonna sleep?"

"When I get home after work. I'll be home and in bed by three, and I won't have to be up again until...oh, like five."

"Why so early?"

"To make you breakfast, dork."

"No." Kendall shook his head. "You are not getting up every morning to cook me breakfast, especially not if you're working all night. I barely eat breakfast anyway, usually just grab a muffin in the mornings. We can do family breakfast on Sunday, when we're all home and don't have to be up early." When it looked like James was going to argue, Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Absolutely not, James."

"Okay, fine. So then I'll have to get up around maybe...six-thirty. Make him breakfast, get him ready, and then after I drop him off I can sleep until it's time to pick him up again. So between that and the sleep I'll get before waking him up, that's almost a full night. I'll be fine."

It wasn't enough rest for James as far as Kendall was concerned, but he supposed that was the best they could do. "What time will you be leaving for work at night?"

"Around eight. Why?"

"Then you can let me and Carlos handle getting Noah ready for bed, and maybe after dinner you can catch a quick nap."

"And just when the hell am I supposed to spend time with my family if I do that?"

"Afternoons. Just like you said, when I get off work we have family time. Which, if you want, will include the gym and dinner. And I guess homework."

"I can handle homework before you get off work."

"Okay, so...perfect. That leaves you time to nap after dinner. Carlos and I can clean up. And maybe we can cook once in awhile too, if—"

"Hell, no. I'm going to cook for my family. Do not take that away from me."

Something in the indignant tone had Kendall grinning. "That's fine, babe. I'm not really going to complain about eating your meals. Better than Mom's, but don't tell her that. Wait, did we decide about Sunday?"

"What time does she want us over there? And how far away is it?"

"About a half hour. She knows we'll be busy moving Carlos in, so I'm sure whatever time works for us is fine."

James bit his lip, thinking that over. "Logan won't want to come along."

"That's fine, but he's invited."

"I'll let him know. Yeah, we can do that. It might be scary for Noah, meeting another grandma." Realizing what he'd said, James quickly corrected himself. "Not that she's...I mean, we're not married or anything, I don't know why I called her that, I just..."

"It's okay, babe," Kendall soothed, moving onto the chair situated between himself and James so he could hug James to him. "That's basically what she'll be."

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you."

Kendall teased, "Yet you bring up me moving in every chance you get."

"So I want you with me all the time, sue me," James shrugged. He snuggled into Kendall's shoulder. "God, I still haven't told Mom about all of this."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I don't know. Courage?"

"She won't be mad or anything, right?"

"No, she's just...Mom's hard to explain. Is your lunch over yet?"

Kendall peeked at a clock on the wall. "Two minutes."

"Will you get in trouble if I kiss you in here?"

"Not if no one sees."

James grinned and lifted his face, Kendall meeting soft lips with his own. They still didn't have the freedom that Kendall craved in which to let go with James, and it reminded him of a thought he'd had previously. "We need a date night," he murmured. "What nights are you off work?"

"I'm locked into weekends. I usually only take off one night a week, but now that I have a reason to, I can ask for two. What did you have in mind?"

"One night a week, just you and me. Alone."

"We'll still have to be quiet, since Noah might hear us."

"Not if we get a hotel."

A delicious sound erupted from James' throat, his eyes closing as a shudder rocked him. "Even just a few hours."

"Yeah. We'd be home before he wakes up the next morning. And we can wait until after he's in bed to leave."

"What if he wakes up and asks for us?"

"Carlos tells him we had to go somewhere. I don't see that as a problem."

James shook his head. "I guess not. It's..." Now it was a hum leaving James.

"Yeah?" Kendall smirked.

"Fuck yeah. I miss being able to just let go with you."

"I do, too." Kendall pecked a quick kiss to James' lips and stood up. "I gotta get back."

"Damn, already?"

"Sorry, babe."

"Fine, I need to meet with my boss anyway. Oh, we're stopping at the store on the way home from school so I can pick up what I need for your fried chicken. Any requests?"

"Just you, Noah, and fried chicken!"

James smiled. "I love you."

Kendall's hands reached out to pull James' hips closer. "Love you, too. Don't make plans for us Friday after I get off work."

"Oh? Do we have a date?"

"We do."

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going?"

"I can, but you'll probably get mad at me for spending money."

James stepped back, eyes darkening. "Kendall. You're not spending money on me and my son."

"You're right. I'm spending it on me."

That wasn't what James had been expecting to hear, and his suspicious glare turned to a pout. "Oh. So it's not on us?"

"Nope," Kendall chuckled, seeing that no matter what James said, he was disappointed that there was no gift involved. "But you two are going to help me pick it out."

Now James was intrigued. "What are you buying?"

Kendall gathered their trash and dumped it, turning back to answer just before stepping out of the breakroom. "A car." He had time to witness the shock on James' face, then turned away.

He'd managed to clock in and drop the neck of the apron over his head before James caught up. "A car? You're buying a car? I thought you wanted to put that money toward school."

Kendall shrugged. "I have been in the past. But now it's not just about me, it's about my family. What if I need to take Noah somewhere and you're working?"

"Carlos has a car."

"Carlos might not be around. What if he gets a peek of Logan's ripped physique and moves in with him instead?"

James smacked Kendall's shoulder, unable to keep a soft laugh from breaking free. "Shut up, that's not gonna happen. I'm serious, babe, you should save that money for school."

"Well, if I move in with you, I won't have to pay rent, will I? Because God knows you won't let me pay for anything related to you and Noah. So the money I save in rent should cover a car payment and insurance."

James' gaze narrowed, arms crossing over his chest. "This is because I said no when you offered to help pay my legal fees, isn't it?"

Kendall shrugged again. "Gotta get back to work, babe." He turned to approach his work station.

"Kendall Knight, do not walk away from me." James dragged him back around, Kendall's smirk further testing his patience. "You just have to win this, don't you?"

"It's not about winning. It's about wanting to help and feeling like I'm doing something to contribute to my family."

"Are you serious? Do you really think you don't contribute with every word out of your mouth? With every hug you give my son, every kiss you lay on me that brings me peace so I can face another day? Another _second_? When I feel like I can't survive all the shit being thrown at me and you remind me to just breathe and take it one day at a time, you don't think that's helping?"

Kendall really wished they were alone and not surrounded by the sounds of machines and the babble of a coffeehouse getting closer to lunchtime. He glanced over at the line, which had doubled in the past minute, and at Annie, who was looking around as if wondering where he was. Even Carlos peeked over his shoulder and hissed, "Dude, I need you!" Of course he followed that with a grin and a "Oh, hey James!" that took the sting out of his demand. James nodded at him before returning his attention to Kendall.

"I know it's helping," Kendall answered quietly. "And I know you feel like it's enough. But I want to be part of this. I understand that you need to take care of the money stuff on your own. As his father, you want to provide. But I want that, too. He's not my son, I know that, and yet...I just..." At a loss for words, Kendall looked away.

Luckily, James understood exactly what he couldn't bring himself to say. He leaned closer to whisper in Kendall's ear. "He'll be calling you Dad before the year is out. Buy the car, Kendall."

There was no time to react to the firm kiss James pressed to his lips; James was slipping around the counter and toward the entrance when Kendall could breathe again, and when he returned to his place at the pick-up counter, there were happy tears in his eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N—Taking a moment again to thank all of you who are reading this. Writing is fun in itself, but knowing that it makes others happy takes the feeling to a whole other level. I love you guys for sticking with me!

This chapter and the next will actually be a little shorter than usual, just because it makes the most sense to break where I did. I'm so happy you all are enjoying seeing Noah come out of his shell!

* * *

Upon opening the back door of James' car, Kendall was greeted with a beaming smile and a happy cry of "Hi, Kendall!" from the carseat. He grinned while maneuvering a suitcase in next to Noah. "Hey, buddy! How was school?"

"I made a friend! Are you coming to stay with us forever?" Noah asked, gaze on the case. "This is the best day ever!"

Kendall's mouth worked silently before he could find words that wouldn't kill the joy on Noah's face. "Not officially. Just bringing over some clothes so I don't have to keep going home every day."

"Oh. Well, that's still good! Daddy said we can go to the diner tonight for more corndogs!"

"Did he?" He waited until he was settled into the front seat and buckled in to continue the conversation. "Hi, you," he said to James, whose eyes were hidden behind shades but the smirk told Kendall everything he needed to know.

"Hey. Yeah, I needed a night off tonight, it's been...a lot."

"No problem at all." Stopping just short of calling James "babe" was difficult. He turned his focus back to Noah as James pulled out into traffic again. "So. You made a friend?"

"He likes space, too! He sits next to me at the table and his name is Zavey! We drew rocket ships together and played at recess!"

"Zavey?"

"Short for Xavier," James explained. "Mrs. Lattimore told me."

"Ah. Wow, that's awesome, buddy! Sounds like you had a blast at school!"

"Tomorrow we're gonna memorize colors! I already know my colors but some of the kids don't, can you believe that?"

Kendall tilted his head before nodding. "Not everyone is as smart as you or has learned as much. That doesn't mean they're dumb or anything, though, okay? They just need a little more help."

"Yeah, Zavey can't even count to twenty! Should I help him?"

"Not during a test," Kendall chuckled. "But if he needs help, of course. That's what friends do."

"He said he's my friend."

"Good," Kendall smiled. "Friends are good to have. How's the teacher?"

"She's nice. Some of the kids don't do what she says and they get in trouble."

"Yeah, that happens. It's important to listen to the teacher. Did you do that?"

"Uh huh. Grandma told me to always do what she says when I'm learning."

"Grandma? You talked to her today?"

James jumped in. "No, I think she said that about herself. To do what he's told when she's teaching him."

"Oh. Not a bad rule, I guess."

"No." It was said grudgingly, though, as if James hated to agree with anything Noah's grandmother said. "We already got his homework done, so I told him he can call them when we get back home and then he's going to have some quiet time before dinner. We _all_ are."

"Quiet time?" Kendall echoed.

"Daddy said I could read my book or watch T.V. I want to read."

"Sounds like a plan. That'll give me time to unpack a few things. Does Daddy need a nap or something?"

James let out an amused sound. "Daddy needs...peace. Some quiet time for himself."

Kendall reached a hand out to settle on James' thigh and asked softly, "You okay?"

"Yeah, just...a lot going on. I need time to recharge before dinner."

"Okay, I'll find something to keep me busy."

"No, babe, that's not what I meant. What I really need is just some quiet time with you to...unwind."

Unsure if James was referring to sex or something as simple as lying together and talking, Kendall nodded. "Whatever you need. I'm here." He checked the rear view mirror to find Noah already lost in his book, then added in a whisper, "I love you."

James' lips curved up slowly. "I talked to Carlos today; Sunday's a go for moving."

"Great. What time should I tell Mom to expect us for dinner?"

"Well, I got Logan to agree to help, so with all four of us it shouldn't take more than maybe three hours."

"Did you have to resort to blackmail?"

"Nope. Guilt worked just fine."

Kendall laughed. "Guilt? How did you guilt him?"

"I started with reminding him that he promised to give Carlos a chance, but that wasn't going over well so I switched to 'I'm supposed to meet Kendall's family that night and I'll be a wreck, I need you to help me through it.'"

"Nice," Kendall grinned, impressed. "Are you really that nervous?"

"Honestly? More than I'm allowing myself to think about. So for now I'm just...not thinking about it. Sunday I probably _will_ be a wreck."

"There's nothing to worry about, James. My mother is going to love Noah, and when she sees how happy you both make me...trust me."

"What about your sister? You said she's kind of a hellion."

"All she cares about is my happiness. She might give you the third degree at first, but she'll warm up to you. And she'll love Noah, so..."

James nodded slowly, obviously trying to keep it all from overwhelming him.

"It's gonna be great," Kendall promised. He squeezed James' hand. "Is Logan coming to dinner with us after?"

"He said he's not really comfortable with it, but I think he'll go."

"What about Saturday?"

"Oh, that...he said yes, he's definitely coming. He loves the space museum and also wants a chance to spend more time with Noah."

"Perfect! He's willing to spend time with Carlos, too?"

"I uh...may have...not mentioned that part of it."

Kendall's jaw dropped. "James. You have to tell him Carlos is coming. You said you wouldn't ambush him again."

"Look, how am I supposed to know Carlos is going to call you Saturday to see what you're up to and that you're going to invite him to join us for a few hours?"

"Sneaky. That's sneaky. And Logan will see right through it."

"Not if we do it right," James shrugged. "He won't come otherwise, Kendall." He took Kendall's silence as agreement and moved on to another subject. "So you're okay with the diner for dinner?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I could go for some corndogs with my guys."

James' head swiveled over. "Shit. I just remembered I promised him hot cocoa."

"Really? Why didn't you say something before we got all the way across town?"

"Hello, 'just remembered.'"

"He'll understand, James"

"Eh, I could go for a latte myself." James called back, "Noah! You still want hot cocoa?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, buddy," James chuckled. "Anything you want. I'm really proud of you for being brave and staying at school today. I know it was scary."

"At first, yeah. But then I met Zavey, and Mrs. Lattimore said we get to go to the library, and I went down the slide at recess! School is so fun!"

James' lips twisted into a smirk as he muttered, "Definitely Shannon's kid."

Kendall laughed, suddenly wishing he could've met the woman who gave birth to the little boy that lit up his life.

* * *

"You said this drawer, right?" Kendall didn't need to turn around or point in order for James to see what he was talking about; James' eyes had been following his every move since they'd entered the room.

From the bed, where he was lying on his side, James said, "Yeah. I cleared it out for you."

"I don't need an entire drawer, babe. It's only a few pairs of socks and underwear."

"Like you didn't bring jeans and t-shirts? And clothes for the intern place? What about pajamas?"

Now Kendall did spin around to smirk at James. "We both know I won't be wearing those."

James smiled and reached out for Kendall. "Come cuddle. I'm lonely."

"Almost done." After putting away the last of his clothing, Kendall abandoned the suitcase to recline on the bed next to James; his toiletries could wait. "Talk to me," he urged softly, pulling James closer against his body. "You really okay?"

James snuggled in before answering. "I am. Really, I am. Just...maybe a little overwhelmed?"

"Yeah? You mean with school and Noah and me and—"

"No, you guys are fantastic. I wouldn't change having either of you here for anything." James' breath tickled Kendall's throat. "I think it's just...I don't know how to explain it."

"Try, babe. Nothing you say is going to upset me." Kendall rubbed his boyfriend's back soothingly, feeling James' muscles slowly relax.

"Liar. What if I told you I was in love with someone else?" When Kendall's entire body tensed, James quickly added, "I'm not. There's no one else, babe. I was just making a point. Sometimes we're gonna upset each other."

"Hopefully not that way."

"Okay, that was a really bad example. I'm sorry." James tilted his face up to capture Kendall's lips with his own. "Really, Kendall. No one could compare to you. Every day I love you more."

Kendall finally calmed down, the words still stumbling around his brain because James had voiced what was probably his worst fear. "Please don't joke about that, okay? If I lost you guys..."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Okay, so...what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's _bothering_ me, it's not like that. It's more...like...before Noah came into my life, I had set it up a certain way. I had control of things like my time and my emotions and my fears. I was used to living alone. I didn't have any desire to move someone in with me, unless by some miracle I could end up with the man of my dreams from the coffeehouse."

Kendall's lips twitched. "Miracles do happen."

"And thank God for that." James squeezed Kendall tighter before relaxing again. "I really wouldn't change it."

"No, but I think I get where you're going with this. You're used to alone time, to a routine that you'd created for yourself."

"Exactly. And now I don't get that time. I'm always worried about Noah, making sure he's taken care of. Sending him to school today kind of reminded me what it's like to have alone time, and...I miss it. Which makes me feel like a horrible dad."

"No, babe. No. We talked about this, remember? How even my mom would've killed for alone time here and there? It's natural to feel that. And I'm more than happy to take Noah out when you need that. We can do the movies, or even a trip to the mall. Whatever you need, babe."

"But then you don't get alone time."

"Sure, I do. I work. I go to school."

James leaned his head back enough to challenge Kendall with his gaze. "Not now, you don't."

"Well, I at least have the internship, too."

"Okay, but then when do you get time to do what you want to do?"

"Babe...this right here? Being here with you guys? That _is_ what I want to do. I was alone for years, and now I'm not. I have a family. It's all I ever wanted."

"So then...does it make me selfish for wanting time alone?"

"Absolutely not. Everyone's different. Some people prefer to be alone for peace, others find that peace with loved ones. It's okay, I don't take it personally that you need time away occasionally."

"It's not you that's the problem. And I mean, Noah isn't even a _problem_ , he's just...a responsibility. A _huge_ one. I never imagined I could love someone as much as I do that kid, and I don't want him living with anyone else. But at the same time...it's so much work. There's never any break from being a dad."

"Nope."

"What if I'm not made for this? What if I'm just one of those guys not capable of doing it?"

"I can promise you that's not the case. You're exactly what he needs. And you're not doing it alone, I'm right here to help. Whether it's taking Noah somewhere to give you an hour of peace to recharge, or it's giving him a bath while you clean up the kitchen...hell, even if you need to take off alone for a few hours and leave him here with me. Whatever you need, babe. We're in this together."

"But I like spending time with both of you. I love the feeling I get when I watch him light up around you, when he hugs you or laughs with you, or when you look at him like..."

Kendall bit his lip when James trailed off. "Like what?"

"Like you're his real dad or something. Like he makes you so happy you never want to leave. I love watching that."

"You do that, too, you know. Make me that happy."

"I do know," James grinned, reaching up a hand to caress Kendall's cheek. "I see it in your eyes when you look at me, too. I don't want you to think I don't want you here, or that I don't want Noah here."

"I know better than that. Do you need me to take him out tonight? Give you some time to yourself?"

"Hell, no. I've been waiting all day to have dinner with my guys and we're gonna do this."

"Okay. Just making sure. Don't be afraid to ask for that when you need it. Or anything else."

James' fingers lightly teased Kendall's shoulder, then continued the touch down his arm. "Know what I need right now?"

Kendall shivered at the feather-light touches, eyes falling closed. "Mmm. Let me check on him and make sure he's...occupied."

"Hurry back."

It amazed Kendall how quickly James could change from worried, insecure father to seductive, sexy boyfriend. He started to sit up, then leaned down for a peck to James' lips. "I love you."

James followed him when he began to pull away, keeping their lips fused together until both were sitting up. "Kendall, I need you."

That desperate tone always set Kendall's body on fire. "Just...two seconds."

It was difficult to force himself away from the bed and James, but Kendall managed. Would James be naked by the time he got back? He couldn't wait to find out.

The vision that greeted him in Noah's room stifled his desire, though, turning it into that joy James had mentioned seeing when Kendall looked at Noah. The boy had fallen asleep while reading; his face was covered with an open book, and Kendall couldn't resist slipping out his phone to snap a picture before removing the book. The tiny body was at rest while barely-audible snores escaped Noah's nose. Kendall gently set the book on the floor before bending down to kiss Noah's forehead, then he slipped Noah's shoes off. The boy rolled over onto his side and snuggled into a pillow, and Kendall thought he'd be content to sit in this room and watch Noah sleep for days. Sometimes he still couldn't believe this family was his.

But James was waiting, most likely already prepared for him, and that was enough to get Kendall out of Noah's room. In anticipation, he rushed back to the bedroom that would soon enough belong to him.

* * *

James was much more his lively, happy self during dinner. He apologized again for not cooking the promised fried chicken, and Kendall waved that away with "Tonight's all about Noah and celebrating his first day of school. I can wait for the chicken."

"But don't you work tomorrow night? I guess I can freeze the chicken until Friday," James fretted. "But then we also have plans after work Friday and—"

"James, it's okay. It's not that big of a deal. Just make it tomorrow and save me some for when I get home. Then I can take leftovers for lunch Friday, and nothing's better than that."

Through a mouth smeared with mustard, Noah asked, "Can I take leftovers, too?"

"There should be enough," James nodded. "How was your snack today? Did I give you enough apple slices?"

"Yeah! And I gave one of my cookies to Zavey, cause his mom didn't give him any."

Kendall mused, "We need to make up more of those. I'm surprised they lasted this long."

"That's because I hid them," James smirked. "But what I sent with him today was the last of them, so...maybe Friday night we can all make some more. Sorry, dude, tomorrow you're stuck with store-bought cookies. What did Zavey's mom send with him?"

"He had carrots and grapes."

James sighed. "That's what I should be feeding you. Not cookies and corndogs all the time."

Noah's face suddenly looked like the world was ending. Kendall jumped in. "Hey, you gave him apple slices, too. It's all about balance. Give a kid nothing but fruits and vegetables and he's going to binge on cookies whenever he can. I like that you do both, James."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Kendall confirmed.

"I guess. Noah, did you eat all your apples? Tell me the truth."

"Yeah! I like apples!"

"Okay, then." James relaxed and took another bite of his grilled chicken. "I guess I'm doing okay. So tell us what you learned in school today. I've already heard some of it, but Kendall hasn't."

"Don't leave anything out, buddy," Kendall grinned. "I want to hear every single detail."

And as Kendall leaned back into the booth, he felt the truth of that statement. Moments like this were what he lived for.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N—Another short chapter here, but the next one should be longer. This picks up after their dinner at the diner and wraps up the evening. Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

There wasn't a lot to clean up as far as the kitchen, and since Noah was a tidy child even the living room was practically spotless, but Kendall knew that James would appreciate a half hour of time to himself and got Noah in the bath upon their return. After making sure Noah's hair and body were clean, he ran back to check on James and found him sipping at a glass of wine while staring out the large picture window.

"You good?" Kendall whispered before laying a kiss to the back of James' neck.

"I'm actually great. Just...reflecting on how lucky I am. Every time you two laugh, my heart does these crazy flips and it's amazing. I never knew I could feel like this."

"Neither did I." Kendall slipped his arms around James' waist and held him, enjoying the slow swaying of their bodies until a yell from the bathroom made them both freeze.

"Oh no!"

"Shit," James muttered, about to run.

"Don't forget the dog! Okay, everybody on the submarine! We're flying to the moon! Hurry up, doors are closing in five...four...three...two...oh no, the dog got out! Somebody get him!"

James' face shifted into a mixture of confusion and adoration. "What the fuck is he talking about?" he whispered.

"Apparently he's shepherding people onto a submarine for a trip to the moon. And the dog got out," Kendall giggled.

"My kid is so weird."

"And seems obsessed with dogs. You realize we're gonna have to get one eventually. Does the Pembroke even allow pets?"

"I have no clue. I'll ask Harvey. I can't handle a dog right now, though. Let me get a handle on raising a kid first, then we'll talk pets."

"No rush, babe," Kendall chuckled.

"Kendall, help! The dog keeps trying to get out of the submarine!"

"On my way, buddy!" he yelled. "Gotta go, love. Duty calls."

"You're as fucking adorable as he is."

"He comes by it naturally," Kendall winked, then jogged toward the bathroom. "But Noah, you realize submarines only work in water, right?"

"This one has wings! It's a rocket ship, too!"

"Oh, my mistake." After kneeling next to the tub, Kendall settled in. "Where'd the dog go?"

"He tried to run but we got him. He's scared to go to the moon."

"Does he have a family to keep him safe?"

"Yeah! The little boy is holding him now and he feels better."

"Good. Make sure the little boy doesn't let go."

"He won't." Noah made a few noises that Kendall thought might be his idea of what a submarine sounded like shooting through water, then he fell silent.

"What's wrong? Did the dog get out again?"

Noah peeked over at the open bathroom door before whispering, "Is Daddy mad?"

"Mad?" Remembering to keep his voice down since Noah seemed afraid to be overheard, Kendall added, "Why would he be mad?"

"He didn't yell today."

"Well...that's good, right?"

"Is he just pretending to be happy?"

Kendall tried to keep up with Noah's train of thought. How often had Shannon put on a false smile for her son? "No, he actually just told me in the living room that he's very happy. He loves having you here."

"He does?"

"Of course, I thought we talked about this. That's not gonna change."

"He likes having you here too, right?"

Now they were on tricky ground. "He seems to. He says he does. Is that bad?"

"Are you happy being here?"

"Noah, where is this coming from? You know I'm happy to be with you."

"But you have other families to take care of. You said. When are you gonna leave and go be with them?"

 _Shit._ Kendall had painted himself into a corner with that one. "I guess when you don't need me here anymore. Will that ever happen?"

"No."

Kendall nodded slowly. "Then I guess I just...don't leave."

"But what about the other families? Daddy said Carlos is coming Sunday and I don't want you to leave when he does."

"I already told you, I'm not leaving when Carlos moves in here. You have to learn to trust people when they promise things. I know that's hard for you, since Mom promised you things that didn't come true. But your daddy and me, when we promise something, it's going to happen." _Please God don't make me a liar on that or he'll never trust me again._ "And there are other wizards, I'm not the only one. I'm needed here, so this is where I belong."

"Promise?"

"Absolutely." Noah nodded, finally seeming to accept it. Or so Kendall hoped. "Can I ask you something about your grandpa?"

Noah's face became guarded. "Grandpa?"

"Yeah. I know you miss him a lot."

"He's nice. He loves me."

"I bet he misses you, too."

"He tells me when I call."

"What else does he tell you?"

"Today he said he's happy I went to school. I told him everything."

"I'm glad he's happy. Did you tell your grandma?"

Fear creeped in. Noah's gaze dropped to the water, his submarine ignored for the moment. "Yeah. She wasn't happy."

"Why doesn't she like school?"

"She said school is bad and teaches you evil things. She said she's the best teacher."

Kendall struggled with how to reply to that. "But your grandpa doesn't agree with her?"

Noah shrugged.

"What did you mean when you said Grandpa just says okay? When Grandma says no fighting and Grandpa just says okay?"

"Sometimes Grandpa gets mad."

"Does he yell?"

"No."

"Does he get mad at you?"

"No. Her."

"And then what happens?"

"She says no fighting."

"And does he stop fighting then?"

"Yeah. He says okay."

Kendall nodded, letting that sink in. It was exactly what they'd assumed, that the man backed down when his wife stood up to him. "Did you tell your grandpa about me?"

Noah's head shot up fast, eyes wide. "No!"

"No? Not at all?"

"No! You said I can't tell anyone about you. It's our secret. Not even Daddy!"

"So that's why you don't talk about me?"

"I don't want Grandma to find out."

"About me being here? Talking to you?"

"She'll take me away if she knows about you."

"Because I'm a wizard?"

"Yeah! And because Daddy likes you. She says that's bad."

Kendall bit his lip hard; he still had no idea how to get around that. "What do you say about it? Do you think it's bad?"

"It's evil, Grandma says. If Daddy touches you."

"I know what Grandma says. I'm asking if you think it's bad."

That surprised Noah, as obviously his opinion on things was never asked. "Isn't it evil?"

"I'm asking what you think. I know what your grandma told you, and she has a right to believe that. That's her opinion. Your daddy has a different opinion. Do you believe your daddy is evil?"

Noah's bottom lip trembled. "I don't want to. I love him. He says he loves me."

"He does, buddy. Your daddy doesn't lie."

"He's nice to me."

"He's nice to me, too. And to Carlos, and to Logan. And he even apologized to the lady at school, right?"

"Yeah."

"So do you think he's evil?"

Noah slowly shook his head.

"Do you think I'm evil?"

Another head shake, this one emphatic.

"So if your daddy loves me, and neither of us is evil, how can it be evil for him to love me?"

Noah was still having a hard time getting past what his grandmother had ingrained into his psyche.

"Let me ask you this," Kendall tried. "Did Mom think Daddy is evil?"

"No. But she was sick. Grandma said she was confused a lot."

"Maybe she was sometimes, but I don't think she was _all_ the time. Would she want your daddy to be happy?"

"I think so."

"If it makes your daddy happy to love me, is that bad?"

"Does it make you happy?" Noah wondered.

"Does what make me happy?"

"If Daddy loves you?"

Kendall's answer to that could end up pushing Noah away. He closed his eyes, not knowing how to respond, but knew that he couldn't lie. He'd instructed Noah to always tell the truth, and if he didn't hold himself to those same standards (outside of the blatant lies regarding his wizardry, of course), then he was just spouting empty words. He let out a breath and admitted, "Yes. The truth is it does make me happy, because your daddy makes me happy. I like being with him. I know your grandma believes that's evil, but we don't believe that. He loves me, and I love him, and we both love you more than anything. To us, that's all that matters."

What crossed Noah's face wasn't fear or disgust, but relief. The small body appeared to deflate, as if it had been holding onto some huge worry that suddenly dissolved. "I was scared you would leave because he loves you."

"That's not gonna happen, baby."

"Even if he touches you?"

"Even if he touches me," Kendall promised. "He never touches me in a bad way. Only with love.

And I hope you can accept that and believe like we do, that it's not evil. But I'm not gonna force you to believe anything, you have to learn it all yourself and make your own decisions. All I can tell you is that love is never wrong as long as it makes two people happy."

"Okay. Just don't leave."

Not caring that his shirt was going to get wet, Kendall reached out to pull Noah into a tight hug. "I'm not going to. I'll be here to protect you and keep you safe for as long as you need me, okay?"

"Promise?"

This was one Kendall knew he could keep. "Promise. I love you both and I'll do whatever it takes to stay with you."

"Kay."

A very quiet sob reached Kendall's ears from outside the door. He pulled back to smile down at Noah. "You can have a few more minutes to play with your toys, but then I'm coming back for you and we'll get ready for story time, okay?"

"Kay."

"Make sure that dog doesn't escape again."

"He won't. The little boy is holding on tight."

"Good. I hope they all have a safe journey."

Kendall didn't even have to look once he stepped outside the bathroom, he knew where James would be and was ready for it when the man collapsed against him. He bent at the knees to scoop James up and carry him into the bedroom, James' face buried in his neck and wet with tears. "How much of that did you hear?" he asked softly.

"Enough," James sniffed. "It got quiet and I was concerned, and...I'm feeling so many things."

"I know."

Once James was laid down on the bed, Kendall gave him time to cry it out before attempting speech again. "Which part made you cry?"

"All of it. I can't believe all this time we've been terrified he'd find out we're in love, but he was terrified you'd leave because I love you. We should've just told him sooner."

"I don't know that he was ready for it before, babe. He's still not 100% sure about two men being together, I can tell he's struggling with that."

"I don't think he cares as long as you stay. At least he's starting to believe that I'm not evil."

"One step at a time. I was so scared that he would lose his trust me in me when I admitted my feelings for you."

"I was, too. I almost barged in and stopped you from saying anything, but...he can't live in fear of that forever. He has to learn that it's not wrong."

"And he will, in time. It's just gonna take time. I think he's getting there now, and I think we still need to rein it in around him. There's no need to traumatize the kid."

"Fine, but I'm holding your hand when I feel the need. I'm not gonna stop myself from putting an arm around you anymore or cuddling up on the couch. He needs to see that it's not a bad thing."

"I know, babe. I know. Just...baby steps."

"Right. Okay. Jesus, I need to stop breaking down every five minutes. This is what I was talking about, I never cried like this before you two came along. I had control over my emotions."

"And how much were you actually allowing yourself to feel?"

"Probably nothing outside of those fantasies about you."

Kendall smiled. "Do you ever miss those?"

"Nope. Reality is so much better."

"Agreed."

James sat up and cleared his throat, then said, "So. Let's talk about the fact that for some unknown reason my son thinks you're a wizard."

Kendall's body went cold. "Shit. You heard that."

"I did. And I can't decide whether I'm more angry or jealous or...impressed."

"Okay, look. I never planned that, it just kind of...I needed a way to gain his trust and I don't know where that came from, the idea hit me suddenly and I went with it. Please don't be mad."

"So you told him you're a wizard?"

Kendall hid his face behind his hands. "Not my smartest move. It's backfired on me a few times."

"What the hell was he talking about with other families you have to take care of?"

"Yeah, that's one way it backfired." Kendall sat up slowly and sighed. "Originally I told him I was a wizard who takes care of kids like him and looks out for them. Keeps them safe."

"Which is why he trusted you immediately."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"And here I thought it was just because you're that amazing."

"Nope."

James laughed at Kendall's discomfort. "You are, though. Anyone could've said that stuff but not everyone would've been successful with it. You have a good heart and he sensed it. He felt that he would be safe with you. What else did you tell him?"

"Just that I was gonna try to get close to you to make sure he was safe and that you weren't a bad guy."

"Wow. This is where the impressed part comes in. And a little bit of anger. So you made me the villain in this?"

"No, James, I never said you were a bad guy. But I could tell he didn't trust you, he was _terrified_ of you, and I said I'd find out the truth. Obviously I 'discovered' that his grandma is wrong and you're not a bad guy. I've been working every day to get him to see that."

"And you succeeded. So...thanks."

Kendall flopped back onto the bed. "Still mad at me?"

"Mostly jealous that I didn't think of that myself." James leaned down to settle over Kendall and kiss him deeply. "You're a fucking genius."

"Carlos works with me, by the way. He doesn't know I'm a wizard, but he knows I'm here to protect Noah and he helps me."

"Of course. Which is why Noah trusted him so easily."

"Eh, Noah still had reservations about him. But yeah, he knew Carlos would watch over him."

"Genius," James repeated. "Sneaky, but genius. How soon can we get him in bed so you can make _me_ feel safe and protected?"

"Is that what happens when I make love to you? I thought it was a...what was it? Spiritual awakening?" Kendall teased.

"Rebirth, get it right!" James laughed and smacked Kendall lightly. "But yeah. I never feel as much peace as I do right here. Though sitting on the couch with Noah between us...that comes close. Because I know my guys are happy and safe and with me, and what else could I possibly want?"

Kendall melted, kissing James and whispering, "For this guy to be your husband?"

"And Noah's dad. Yep, that about sums it up."

He'd said it so many times over the past week, but for some reason this time he felt it on a whole new level. "I love you."

James closed his eyes and smiled. "I love you, too."


	27. Chapter 27

A/N—Welcome back to Magic! I'm so happy I got enough written to be able to post another chapter. And even happier that you guys are still reading it. :) Thanks! Here's that longer chapter I promised you.

Reminder that I don't know a whole lot about family law. I've researched a bit for the story, but if anything here is wrong I'm sorry.

* * *

Because Kendall had a full day and evening of work Thursday, they scheduled the meeting with Paul for what would be his usual lunchtime at the law office. Instead of trying to cram everything into an allotted time period, however, Kendall offered to leave the internship for the day rather than go back after the meeting. James fretted that Kendall was missing too much time at the office and putting his position in jeopardy; Kendall insisted with "Noah's more important right now."

And because James couldn't argue that, he backed down.

James picked Kendall up and together they drove to Paul's office, which was situated in a tall building housing nothing but law practices. As James was checking in for the appointment, Kendall remembered that it was in this room James had first laid eyes on his son. He looked to the right, wondering which chair Noah had been sitting in.

"It's that one," James whispered. "The one in the middle."

Kendall had to smile at the fact that James had of course known where his head was. "Does it feel weird, being back here?"

"It's a little scary," James admitted. "This place reminds me how easy it is to lose him, because that day he wasn't mine. He belonged to them, and then the next day he was with me. All it takes is a signature on a piece of paper to lose him, you know?"

Kendall wrapped his arms around James' waist, pulling him back in a hug. "He's always been yours, you just didn't know it. And it's up to a judge, babe. Should it go that far. She can't make that decision."

"But that means neither can I. Right now everything's great, but if you're right, one word from her and my life can fall apart."

"That's why we're here," Kendall reminded him, moving to stand in front of James and capture his gaze. "To keep that from happening. We have to be ready for whatever she throws at you. The truth is she might not. This might all be for nothing."

James shook his head. "You don't believe that."

Kendall sighed. "No. But it is a possibility. For the next hour or so we're going to assume the worst, and I hate to put you through that. I'm sorry that we have to even consider it. But we're going to imagine her saying cruel things about you and painting you as a dangerous father, because that's the only way to prepare for it happening." Seeing the pain that the mere thought of it caused James, Kendall continued, "But then we're going to go pick up Noah and go home, and I'll help him with homework while you cook up some fried chicken, and everything will be great because we know the truth, and that's that you are the best parent Noah could have."

"Kendall, we both know there are better dads out there in the world than me."

"But you're the best for Noah, because you're his father. Is there anyone else in the world who loves him more than you? Who would stop everything just to make sure he's taken care of?"

A tiny smile touched James' lips and he leaned into Kendall. "Well, _you_ would."

Kendall's sudden smile was bigger. "Okay, true. But that's just more proof that he's in the right place. And any judge would agree with me."

James hid his face in Kendall's neck. "I hope so. Will we have time for fried chicken? What time do you have to be at work?"

"Not until four. We've got time, babe."

"Kay."

The shortened form of "okay" reminded Kendall of Noah and his heart warmed. James often commented that Noah was like his mother, but Kendall thought there was plenty of James in his son as well.

"Do you want me to wait in the car when we pick up Noah?"

"Are you kidding? He's gonna be so excited to see you."

"I know, but we don't need people talking."

"No one's gonna be there except Mrs. Lattimore and the other parents. Besides, he'll want to show you everything."

"Like what?"

"You'll see," James smiled. "He dragged me all over that classroom when I picked him up yesterday." James' voice changed. "I love him so much, Kendall. I can't lose him."

"Mr. Diamond? Paul's ready for you."

James stepped away and nodded, reaching for Kendall's hand, and together they took the next step in the journey to keep Noah where he belonged.

* * *

Upon arrival, they were introduced to Paul's assistant Tracy, who would be present only to take notes regarding the case. There were handshakes all around, then James took a seat across from Paul at a massive desk. Kendall waited until his fiance was settled and joined them. "Thanks for meeting with us on this, Paul. I was just telling James it might be for nothing, but..."

"We can only hope," Paul agreed. "However, Mr. Diamond, I have to—"

"James. Please."

"James, then," Paul smiled. "I have to tell you that even in the short time I dealt with her..." He shook his head. "I can't see it ending any other way. Mrs. Carter's determined to raise Noah herself. Sherry," he shared when Kendall looked confused for a moment; Kendall realized then that Noah probably went by the same last name.

James nodded slowly. "I can't say that I blame her for wanting him back. If I'd raised him for five years and suddenly she showed up and claimed him, I'd do whatever it took to get him back. I wish I knew just how much time he spent with her, as opposed to Shannon."

"She lived with her parents, right?" Kendall asked.

"She did," Paul agreed. "And...again, this is a gray area for me as far as how much I can tell you, but from what I understood, Shannon was..." He chose his words carefully. "...not the most attentive mother."

"Which is nuts," James sighed. "The Shannon I knew would never neglect her child. But I was wondering something. She's dead, so what does it matter if you tell us what she said? That whole attorney-client thing is void now, isn't it?"

"No," Kendall jumped in. "There are certain circumstances where a judge can order an attorney to break that confidentiality, but it's rare."

Paul added, "If we can prove that his welfare is at stake, I can probably manage that." To Kendall, he said, "James mentioned you're a law student. How far along are you?"

"Uh, grad school now. And interning as a clerk. I still have a lot to learn."

"You seem to know a lot already, but most students do because it's fresh in their minds. Once you begin the actual practice, you tend to forget much of it unless you use it constantly. The clerk becomes your greatest asset and will save you every time."

A shred of guilt for the position he'd currently walked out on passed through Kendall. Then again, the practice had him doing little more than answering phones and taking messages, so... "I've heard that," Kendall stated. "And I'll remember it."

"Kendall's going into family law," James shared proudly. "He wants to save families."

"Save them?" Paul echoed. "Sadly, by the time a family needs our services, it's moved past the stage where they can be saved."

"I don't see it that way. My goal will actually be to avoid going before a judge. To try to work things out in a way that doesn't splinter the family."

Paul studied Kendall closely. "That's noble, but I don't know how realistic it is. No offense, Kendall."

"I know, it's a weird way to approach it. But I want to...I don't know how to put it into words."

"Save families," James repeated.

"Yes, but it's more than that. I guess I want to try to help both sides communicate and see if they can't work things out before taking a drastic step that would damage the children permanently."

"Isn't that what a family therapist does?" Paul pointed out. "A lawyer is in place to facilitate a smooth separation. _After_ the therapist attempts to help."

"Family law isn't just about separation," Kendall disagreed. "Imagine if Shannon hadn't been living with her parents, and her mother took her to court to petition for custody. If Shannon wasn't capable of caring for Noah but refused to give him up. Then Sherry would need someone to represent her, yes?"

"Probably," Paul agreed.

"I'd be that someone, but at the same time I'd try to find a way to work things out without taking Shannon's son from her permanently. Other lawyers might go in and attack Shannon the way Sherry's probably will James. I wouldn't do that. I'd figure out what the issue is and work with Shannon's lawyer to see if we could come up with a compromise that wouldn't rip Noah away from his mother."

"But what if staying with Shannon would put Noah in danger?" James asked, intrigued. "Then it would be best to get him away, right?"

"Well yes, but not permanently. You have to give Shannon the chance to change if she wants Noah that badly. Flat-out taking him away with no hope of ever getting him back, that would send Shannon spiraling further and damage Noah in the process. Not physically, but emotionally. Which can be just as damaging because physical wounds heal; emotional ones...not so easy."

James pondered that. "If she takes him from me, I don't know what I'll do. A week ago I'd just found out he existed and was willing to walk away. Now? I couldn't survive without him."

"And that's my point," Kendall nodded. "I don't want to put anyone in that position, if we can help it. We're just here to guide people through legal channels the best way we can, not ruin lives."

"You'll never make any money if you don't go to court," Paul chuckled.

"I'm not in it for money," Kendall shrugged. "And there are still legal fees. Look, I know it's not the way things are usually done. We're trained to defend our clients to the best of our abilities, which means getting them as much as we can and acting in their interests. But to me it's not about that, it's about making sure the kids aren't damaged. And that the family can still remain that, if at all possible."

James couldn't look away from Kendall. "This is why I'm going to marry you."

Kendall blushed and cleared his throat, uncomfortable. He'd said too much. "Sorry, that's not why we're all here and I'm wasting your time and James' money. Let's talk about Noah and do what we can to keep him where he belongs—with his father."

Paul leaned forward. "We do need to talk about your relationship as it pertains to the case. Marriage is in the cards?"

"One hundred percent," James answered emphatically. "But she doesn't know that or anything about Kendall, so it doesn't matter."

Kendall started to remind James that they couldn't count on that; Paul beat him to it. "At this point we don't know what she knows," he pointed out.

"How would she know?" James asked.

Kendall replied, "I'm just saying, we can't assume that she doesn't. This is what I was talking about, babe, we have to be prepared for everything."

When James rolled his eyes, Paul said, "Why don't we start with what she _does_ know without question. Tell me about your history with Shannon and how much Shannon may have told her mother about you."

So James took them through that, Kendall learning a few new things but not much more than he'd already been told. James was forthcoming about his former drug abuse because he had no doubt the woman would use that against him. He also mentioned that Shannon had probably shared his sexuality with Sherry, considering she'd taught Noah that his father was "evil" in that way.

"And why was it that you had no contact with your son until now?"

"You already know that."

"For the record, babe," Kendall said softly. "We have to discuss all of this, it will come up."

"Fine," James sighed. "Because I never knew about him. Shannon went away to college, or so we were told, and we never heard anything after that. I tried once to get information from Sherry, begged her to give me a way to talk to Shannon because I was going crazy without her. She was basically my best friend."

"And she refused?" Paul asked.

"She said Shannon had started a new life and wanted nothing to do with her old one."

"When was this?"

"Uh...not too long after college started. Maybe a few months?"

"So Shannon would've been pregnant by then."

"Absolutely," James nodded. "I can't prove it, but I think they never sent her to college and kept her at home. Or I guess they could've sent her away to have the baby, but...no, his birth certificate shows he was born in their city. So who knows?"

"You never tried to contact her at the house?"

"Why would I? As far as we knew, she'd moved to Oregon for school. And we'd already moved out here, so..."

Paul frowned. "You keep saying 'we.' Were you involved with someone at the time?"

"Oh! No, I'm talking about my buddy Logan. We were kind of like...the Three Musketeers. He moved out here for university and I ended up following because...well, I was pretty much alone. I had Mom, but...that's another story."

"So you moved in with Logan?" Kendall wanted to know, even though it had no bearing on the case.

"He snuck me into his dorm every night," James admitted sheepishly. "He was always scared I'd get caught, but his roommate kept the secret because I...uh, let's just say I spent more time in his bed than in Logan's."

Kendall wasn't at all surprised; James could turn even the straightest head his way. Still, the idea of James sharing a bed with Logan didn't sit well.

"Nothing ever happened," James suddenly whispered in his ear. "With Logan."

Shrugging as if the thought hadn't even crossed his mind, Kendall waited for Paul to continue.

"Take me briefly through your life between then and now," Paul instructed.

"Why? She doesn't know any of—"

"Babe. We talked about this."

"Okay, fine. So I lived with Logan and Greg, but got a job waiting tables at a diner. I hated that job. One of my regulars told me about a club that was hiring downtown, said I'd make way more money in tips there than I did at the diner. Looked into that, and yeah. He was right. It was a strip club and the ladies were quite generous. The owner of that place suggested I start dancing. I'd always loved music and loved to dance, so I gave it a shot. Made enough money then that I could get my own place, which was good because Logan was graduating early and moving across the country for some high-tech program he'd gotten into. It was a small place, but it was mine, and I was lonely but...you know. I made friends at the club. Got bored, though, and I was approached by a guy who ran a mens' club. He said one of his dancers had seen me work and told him they needed me, and...well, he agreed after watching me dance, so...that's where I am now."

"When did you move to the Pembroke?" Kendall asked. Again, it had no real bearing on the case but he was fascinated.

"A couple of years ago. I was making plenty of money between the club and the private shows I was booking, and..." Suddenly he turned his attention to Paul. "Kendall says that could be a problem if we end up in court. My current job. Is he right?"

"Are you still at the club? And doing private shows?"

"Yeah, I make most of my money off the parties and stuff I do privately. You wouldn't believe what people pay for that."

"It might be an issue," Paul grimaced. "Most judges wouldn't find that a suitable environment for a child."

"But he's not gonna be there!" James argued. "How does it even matter? It's not like I'm gonna bring home people from the club or work at home!"

"Right, but what sort of hours would you be working? A job like that certainly doesn't happen during the daytime, correct?"

"No, but Carlos is moving in this weekend and he's gonna watch over Noah when I'm at work."

"Carlos?" Paul echoed.

"Okay, back up," Kendall interrupted. "Let me try to explain this." He considered the matter and started with, "When James was talking about how he didn't know what to do with Noah when he was at work, he said he'd thought about hiring a nanny but didn't want a stranger raising his child. He wanted someone he trusted. Logan didn't have time for that and neither did I, but my best friend Carlos has a ton of experience with kids and I trust him, so I suggested Carlos. He was also looking for a new place to live, so we thought it was perfect."

Paul nodded. "So Carlos will basically be a live-in nanny?"

"Yes," Kendall agreed. "He'll work during the day, but be at the apartment to take care of Noah while James is gone."

"And you? Will you be living there?"

"Uh...that's still up in the air."

James stated, "Yes. Yes, he will be. As soon as I can talk him into it. But that's a plus, because Noah loves him to death and he loves Noah like a son, so...there's no way she can say that's a bad thing."

"But she will," Kendall argued. "You know she will. Which is why it's best for me to not be living there until all of this settles down."

James looked to Paul for support.

"We'll have to see what we're up against," was Paul's contribution. "But James, will Carlos agree to a background check, should it be necessary?"

"A background check? Seriously?"

"He will," Kendall answered, talking over James. "He's got nothing to hide. I will too, if it helps in any way."

"How much time will Logan be spending with Noah?"

"Logan?" James frowned. "What does that matter? He's not gonna live with us."

"It all matters, babe. It's all part of Noah's environment should he stay with you."

" _Should_ he stay with me?" James echoed. "Now _you're_ doubting me?"

"No," Kendall groaned, trying to be patient because he knew James lashed out when he was frustrated. "I'm not the enemy here, James. Neither is Paul. Whatever she throws at you, we have to be ready. Remember?"

"But she liked Logan. She always thought he would be the perfect husband for Shannon."

"Did she know he was gay?"

"I don't think so. Shannon would've had no reason to tell her."

"Still, she might know now and try to use that. So we have to consider Logan." To Paul he said, "Logan probably wouldn't be around too often; he works all the time. If anything, maybe a visit on the weekends for a trip to a museum or something. Or a movie. That sort of thing. But he wouldn't be alone with Noah unless it was an emergency babysitting situation. Which shouldn't happen at all with James, Carlos, and me around all the time."

Paul absorbed that. "So Logan was present for much of the time you spent with Shannon's family while growing up?"

"Yeah. He'd leave after homework, we all did that together at Shannon's house because she wasn't allowed to really go anywhere except school. Sometimes I'd go with him and eat dinner at his place, and sometimes I'd stay and eat dinner at Shannon's. Depended on who was cooking what. Though once I got messed up on drugs, I was at Logan's more than Shannon's. Sherry didn't want me around."

"Not even after you got help?" Kendall wondered.

"Nope, it was worse then. She didn't even want Shannon around me once I got out of rehab. She finally agreed to letting me come over but we had to stay in the dining room or living room and she had to be with us at all times. Her mom tried so many times to get her to go to some private school for girls but Shannon threatened to run away if she did that, so at least I got to hang out with Shannon at school without the witch around."

Paul said, "We may need Logan to testify against her. He can corroborate what you're saying, that she was overbearing and controlling to the extreme. We'll use that to prove that she isn't fit to be a guardian."

James blinked, having never thought of it that way. "You mean...show the judge that she'll ruin Noah?"

"Basically, yes. Do you doubt that she'd raise Noah the same way?"

"No, I think she'd do worse with Noah. Because I have no doubt she drove Shannon to whatever she became, and I refuse to let her do that to my son. I mean, imagine how much worse it would be for Noah. Sherry doesn't blame herself or her actions for any of it, I'm sure. She blames the outside world, or me, or whatever. And she's thinking 'I'm not gonna let the same thing happen to my grandson.' So she doubles down and doesn't let Noah go to school, doesn't let him leave the house probably. We already know she kept him out of school and taught him herself. I'm not saying homeschooling is a bad thing, but in her case? Look at the shit she's teaching him. He thinks it's evil to be gay."

Paul's head shot up. "Noah told you this?"

"He told _me_ that," Kendall confirmed. "I can give you a list of the things Noah's learned in 'school' with her."

"He tells Kendall everything," James explained. "He's only just now starting to trust me because she put it in his head I was evil. Didn't he actually tell you that, babe?"

"Yeah. The day I met him, he was terrified of James and it's because of things Sherry told him. We know he was told that the reason James never went to visit is because he didn't want Noah and didn't love him. Oh, she also told Noah that James does drugs."

James shook his head, trying to remain calm. "That kid was afraid of me, Paul. His own father. And it's all because of lies his grandmother told him."

Paul ruminated over his next words before speaking. "The thing is, I know a lot of that already. Shannon confided her fears to me about what might happen to Noah should she die, and the life she would be sentencing Noah to with Sherry. The problem is that I can't use any of that against her or to support you, because I can't state anything Shannon said on record. So we have to stick with what _you_ know and can prove. I notice that neither of you has brought up Pete."

"He's not an issue," James shrugged. "You know that, he's been helpful every step of the way."

"Right, but like I said, we have to go with what _you_ know. I can use his willingness to help, though. Has Noah said anything about him that puts Pete as a risk?"

"No," Kendall replied. "He loves his grandpa. You can see it even when they talk on the phone, we always know when Sherry hands the phone over to him because Noah becomes a completely different person. With Sherry, he barely speaks and appears to be...scared? Afraid to say the wrong thing or step out of line? The second Pete gets on the phone, he gushes in excitement about everything going on."

"Not everything," James reminded him. "He doesn't mention you."

"Oh, I found out why that is. He's afraid Sherry will somehow take him away because of me."

Paul nodded. "Does he know you two are romantically involved?"

James bit his lip. "He does now. Kendall talked it over with him last night. He's still not...she got her claws in deep. He still isn't sure it's okay for two guys to be in love. But he wants Kendall to stay, no question of that."

Kendall brought up, "My fear is that we'll get a judge who is more...traditional. I know they're not supposed to by law, but there are still judges who will award custody to a straight parent over a gay one, even if the child's welfare isn't as stable with the straight one. Civil and criminal law have strict rules and precedence to follow, but family law is more of a...what's the word?"

"Judgment," Paul supplied. "It's more of a judgment call in a lot of cases."

"Exactly. So if we get a judge who believes in heterosexuality above all costs, we might be in trouble."

"In that case we can file a petition on James' behalf to regain custody. We'd just have to wait awhile."

"How long?" James' hackles were up. "The longer she spends with him, the deeper she gets into his mind. I'm not letting her undo all the progress we've made with Noah. That kid went from barely opening his mouth to singing loudly in the bathtub. He actually runs to me now for a hug, lets me pick him up and swing him around. Nobody is taking that from me."

Kendall placed a soothing hand on James' thigh. "We're not gonna let that happen."

"Well what the hell are we even doing here? Any judge would see within five minutes that she's nuts and a bad influence on him. He freezes up around her and won't speak."

"But Pete's there to balance that out," Kendall stated.

"Pete doesn't say shit. Noah told us that, and I witnessed it myself growing up. She runs that house."

"And that's why we need Logan," Paul inserted. "He'll back up what you witnessed. Today we're just coming up with a game plan, James. Nothing concrete. Trying to figure out where we stand and what we can use should the time come. It's...pretty much what Shannon did. She hired me in case things went a certain way, and they did. I was ready when it happened. We need to be ready, too."

Kendall could see that James was approaching his breaking point; even discussing and thinking about losing Noah was enough to weaken him. "So what's our strategy?" Kendall asked. "How do we keep Noah with us?"

"Two ways. We prove that James is a fit parent, and we prove that she isn't. To do that, we'll need Logan and Carlos. We'll need background checks most likely, and in James' case a drug test. The judge might even order that for Carlos, since he'll be living in the house and caring for Noah. We'll need to prove James' character, as well. Kendall, you can't vouch for that because of your obvious bias toward him. How well does Carlos know James?"

"Not too well yet," James admitted. "We've only spoken a few times on the phone, and hung out one night. Logan knows me well."

"Is Logan someone a judge would think highly of?"

"Absolutely," James chuckled. "He works for some...well, I guess it's not NASA but it's something...what was it, babe?"

"Department of Energy. He's brilliant, apparently."

"For sure."

"Anyone else?" Paul wondered. "Logan's a friend, so that might be taken as bias, too. Co-workers, perhaps?"

James raised an eyebrow. "You think a judge won't like where I work, but will trust someone I work with?" Before Paul could answer, James continued, "My boss would vouch for me, but he can't say much except that I'm dependable and a great dancer. I never call out or anything. Oh! They make us go for drug tests every three months, it's mandatory! He says he doesn't want to deal with doped-up employees, so he makes us go."

"Babe, that's fantastic!" Kendall exclaimed, sitting up straighter. "How long have you worked there?"

"About three years."

"So that's three years of proven sobriety," Paul nodded. "That's a huge help."

"Yeah, but most of my co-workers don't really like me. They're jealous because I'm the favorite and make more money. Jett likes me, but...well, he _did_. Not sure I can count on that anymore."

Kendall made a "hmph" sound. "And the fact that you were sleeping with him makes him biased."

"Get over it, babe, he's in my past," James smirked. "You're my future."

Paul asked, "Do you have parents that would step in and help you raise him, should they need to?"

"Ha! That's a laugh. Mom's less capable of raising a kid than I am. I mean, she loves me and all, but look at me. This is the outcome of her nurturing. No judge is gonna look at me and say 'Yeah, this is a fine, upstanding model of society.'"

Kendall nudged James. "I happen to like how you turned out just fine."

James stuck his tongue out. "You're biased, and that's what we're talking about here. But no, Dad is a deadbeat who took off when I was a baby, and Mom's...a fantastic businesswoman. Ruthless in a board room. Not so great when faced with changing a diaper or cooking dinner."

Paul let out a sigh. "It would help you a lot to have a character witness, someone you know in a non-personal manner that's been around you for at least a few years and can vouch for your day-to-day activities."

Kendall gasped at the same time James did, and together they called out, "Harvey!" James started babbling in excitement and Kendall hushed him before explaining. "Harvey is the doorman at the Pembroke, where James lives. It's an upscale apartment building and they could at least prove that he's dependable with things like rent. Harvey knows every single person who goes up to that apartment and he could prove that James doesn't take random..." He trailed off, realizing that James _did_ actually take random strangers upstairs; he just didn't _anymore_. "Oh."

"Fuck," James muttered. "Okay, Paul, so yeah, I slept around quite a bit before Kendall. I was lonely. But that's all in the past."

Kendall's brain was on a fast track to the worst his imagination could come up with. "Can she call Harvey as a witness? To prove that he has frequent visitors?"

"Had," James corrected. "And I'm gonna say it again, how would she even know?"

Paul inhaled deeply before letting it out. "Harvey's a double-edged sword. She could use him to show James in a negative way, but—"

"Harvey would never betray me!"

Kendall reminded him, "Harvey would be under oath, James. Harvey would have to be truthful. And you know he would."

"He doesn't want Noah to go, either."

"Babe. He wouldn't lie."

Paul asked, "What can he say about you that would show you're a good father?"

"Not much, I guess," James sighed, now defeated and falling back into his chair. If Harvey could be made to betray him, anything was possible. "Just that Noah likes me. That he's happy now. But he also knows that Noah seems to like Kendall better, so..."

Kendall suddenly remembered what Carlos had shared about his first meeting with Harvey. "He has a lot of respect for James. He told Carlos some great things about James when they first met, made it clear that he thinks very highly of him."

"Really?" James blinked. "Like what?"

"Doesn't matter. My point is that Harvey sees what I do in James, and that's the good in him. I see more and more of it every day."

James reached out for Kendall's hand, twining their fingers together. "You bring that out in me."

"So does Noah. Maybe...I don't know. Maybe in some way Harvey sees what I do, the change in James. That he's happier, that he's kinder, that he loves his son and would do anything to make him happy. Probably won't go far with a judge, but if you know Harvey, it's not easy to gain his respect like that."

"So true," James agreed. "He's never told me, but I can tell that he doesn't like a lot of the residents. You can just see it in the way he speaks to them. Always professional, but not...I don't know. That sparkle is missing from his eyes."

Paul sat back and thought about how that might benefit them. "Harvey's always on the door? Every day?"

"There's a different guy who works nights," James related. "He comes on around six, I think? Maybe seven. And I think Harvey only works like a half-day on Sundays. But he's there every single day. I asked him once why they never give him a day off. He said it's his choice to work every day, that the Pembroke is kind of like his family and he watches over it. He actually _likes_ it."

Somehow none of that surprised Kendall. "He's a good guy."

"So..." Paul started, "...he'd be able to protect Noah then. You said he knows every single person who comes in and out?"

"Yep," James nodded. "He doesn't allow anyone in without express permission from the residents. Like if someone shows up, he calls up to the apartment to announce them. No one gets past Harvey. And the night guy follows the same procedure. I honestly don't even know his name, which is weird since I see him when I come in from work. He's okay. I trust him to keep out people who aren't invited in."

"Okay, that's a safe environment for Noah then. All we have to prove is that the apartment itself is also a safe environment. I think we can do that with Carlos and Logan. Our only wild card here is Kendall."

"Kendall?" James echoed, sitting up straighter. "What does that mean? Kendall's the safest person in the world for Noah to be with."

Kendall said nothing, having expected this.

"He's also your boyfriend, James."

"Fiance."

"Even more important," Paul agreed. "He's going to be a huge part of Noah's life, isn't he?"

"Of course. But that's a good thing. And even if it's not, she doesn't know about him."

Rather than argue yet again that they couldn't count on Sherry not knowing things about James' current life, Kendall tried to explain Paul's point. "Babe, think about it this way. Let's say you and Shannon raised Noah together and then divorced or broke up. She moved out and started living with another guy. If she had custody of him, even half the time, wouldn't you want to make sure her boyfriend is someone you can trust with Noah?"

"Of course."

"That's exactly what Paul's talking about. I'm that other boyfriend."

"So what? You're exactly what Noah needs. Without you, he still wouldn't be talking to me. I'm telling you, any judge would see that. All he'd have to do is see Noah with you for two minutes, ask Noah about you, and—"

"But that's not going to happen, James," Paul said quietly. "The judge isn't going to see Noah with Kendall. If you want my professional opinion, I don't think the judge should even know about Kendall."

"But why not? Kendall is what makes us work. He's our glue, Paul."

"He might also be the thing that keeps Noah away from you."

James looked as if he might cry; it broke Kendall's heart. "Babe...in a perfect world, a judge would see and agree with everything you're saying. But we can't count on that. We might get lucky and end up with someone who has no issues at all with same-sex parents. But I don't want to take a chance on that, it's too important. Like you said, Sherry probably doesn't know anything about me, and I think it's best we keep it that way. You've been sober for years. You have the financial means to support Noah. You have someone in place to care for him when you can't be there. You live in a place that's safe for him. You've already enrolled him in school. You're doing everything right and that's going to look really great for you. I'm the one thing that might ruin it all."

"That's bullshit," James snarled. "And what if she does get Harvey in that room? Harvey's gonna tell them about you anyway."

"Not if Harvey isn't asked," Kendall reasoned. "He won't lie for you, but he also won't volunteer any information that might hurt you. If she doesn't know about me, and Pete doesn't know about me, there won't be any questions about me."

"You think the judge isn't gonna talk to Noah? He sure as hell knows about you."

"Actually, James," Paul jumped in, "in many cases the judge doesn't speak to the child at all."

"Well, that's stupid. How the fuck does a judge know what a kid wants without asking him?"

Sensing that James was approaching that point where he would lash out, Kendall rubbed his thumb over James' hand. "We already know that Noah can keep me a secret. I would never ask him to lie, but I wouldn't put it past him to do it on his own, if he thinks that talking about me might get him taken away. He already basically admitted to me that he would."

"So you're saying I have to lie about you. About _us._ And my kid has to lie, too. That we have to be ashamed of you, of the most beautiful thing in our lives and the thing that makes us happiest."

"Babe, I'm just—"

"Fuck that." James stood up and stormed toward the door. "Fuck all of you. I have to go pick up my kid from school."

Once the door slammed behind James, Kendall breathed into the shocked silence. "I'm sorry about that. He doesn't do well with..."

Paul surprised Kendall by laughing. "I was actually warned about that. Can't say who told me, though," he winked.

"He'll be fine in a few minutes. He's just really overwhelmed by all of this. It's hard enough taking on fatherhood overnight, and he's having to worry every second that Noah's going to be taken away, and...he's really struggling."

"Tell him not to worry about it until he has to. We covered a lot of ground today and I feel confident that with Logan's help, we can prove she's damaging to Noah. I'd love to get Pete under oath as well."

"He can refuse to testify against his wife, right? Isn't he protected by spousal privilege?"

"Only in regards to actual conversations they've had. We can definitely use him to corroborate what Logan and James have seen in her behavior as a mother."

"Seriously? I had no idea."

"Stay in school, Kendall," Paul joked. "Still lots to learn. I just hope he tells the truth. I mean, the man has to live with her. He's not going to rock that boat."

"Right. He just says okay." Kendall stood up. "Listen, Paul, thank you again for everything. I'm sorry about James."

"It's fine. Go after him, I think he could use some reassurance right now."

"Always," Kendall chuckled. "But I love him, and I'll do whatever's best for him and Noah. You just tell me what that is."

"Hopefully it won't come to that. Tell James to let me know if he receives any kind of summons to appear for a petition."

"I will." Kendall halted in the doorway, turning back to ask, "Paul? I know you can't answer this directly, but did Shannon say something about this before she died? Did she warn you Sherry would go after James?"

"All I can say is that it wouldn't be a surprise if she did. And...be ready for it."

Kendall nodded slowly, his heart dropping. "Thanks."


	28. Chapter 28

A/N—I got a lot written today, so I'm posting another chapter already! Probably won't post anything else until next weekend, so enjoy. Noah's back for this chapter. :)

* * *

Kendall checked the nearest restroom first, recalling James visiting it when he'd had a panic attack during his previous appointment—nothing.

Then again, James wasn't panicked this time; he was angry. Kendall prayed his boyfriend hadn't yelled at anyone on the way to the car.

And that was where he finally found James, seated behind the wheel in the underground parking garage. James' hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel as if to remove them would be dangerous; Kendall supposed it might be for the surrounding glass. He opened the door and settled into the passenger seat, James acknowledging his presence only with, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, we're going to talk about it. What happened to working on your temper?"

"Noah's not even around."

"So that makes it okay?" Kendall turned sideways in the seat so he could face James while leaning back against the door. "It's fine to treat others like crap as long as Noah isn't there to witness it?"

"So I'm supposed to be happy about this?" James exploded, finally looking at Kendall. "I'm supposed to just be fine with the fact that we have to hide the most important person in our lives? What the fuck, Kendall? I finally get you, after two years I finally have your heart, and I have what I never knew I needed in a son. Everything is perfect right now, and it's because you make us work. But I'm supposed to sit in a courtroom and pretend like you don't exist, like the part of life that makes me want to get out of bed every morning isn't even real." Anger was slowly giving way to sadness now, tears forming. "That's bullshit and you know it."

"Babe...I know. I know it is, but..." Kendall trailed off, at a loss. Everything James said was true, and he hated that he had to argue against the point James was trying to make. "All that matters right now is you keeping Noah."

"But that's not all that matters. My _family_ matters, and you're part of that. So don't yell at me for getting pissed off about having to lie about it."

"I'm just asking you to do better with your temper. Imagine if you go off like that in front of a judge. If Sherry says things about you to make you look bad, and you get pissed off and lose it like you just did. How do you think that's going to affect a judge's opinion of you as a father?"

"I'd never yell at Noah like that."

"A judge doesn't know that, James. All I'm saying is that you need to practice reining in your anger. It's instinct for you to let it go, and I don't know where you learned that or if it's just part of your personality but it's a habit that could cost you your son." When James made a sniffling sound, Kendall reached into the console for tissues he knew were buried in there. "I'm just trying to help, babe."

James rubbed his eyes with the tissue Kendall passed him, staring out the windshield at nothing as he gathered his thoughts. "I'm so scared," he finally admitted softly. "I don't think I've ever been this scared, not even when I went into rehab. What if she gets her way? What if the judge believes her lies and..." His body went into trembles, Kendall no longer able to resist wrapping his arms around him; James went willingly. "What if I never see my son again?"

"Okay, let's talk about that. I don't even like to think about it, but let's consider what would happen should she end up with custody. The good news is that I can't imagine a judge completely denying you visitation. There's absolutely no reason you can't have that, even if it's supervised visitation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you'd get to see him, like on a schedule. Once a week or twice a month maybe, it all depends on the ruling. And someone else would have to be present."

"Who?"

"Again, depends on the ruling. It could be someone you both agree on, like Pete. Or the court could appoint someone to be present just for that, like a social worker. I think the odds of you never seeing Noah again are slim, James. I don't know of any judge who would rule against supervised visitation, especially if you're sober and can prove that. And not a danger to him."

"You know I'd never hurt him."

"And as long as you keep that temper in check, a judge will know that as well. Has Sherry ever seen you lash out like that?"

James leaned away from Kendall to cast back in his memory. "Maybe. But I think if she did, it would've been when I was on drugs. I was super careful around her after that, because I was afraid she'd tell me I couldn't see Shannon anymore."

"Okay, that's good. And the only time Noah's witnessed it was at the school, and he saw you apologize. We've talked enough about it that he knows you're working on it and I don't think he'll bring that up himself."

"Is Paul right about the judge not even talking to Noah?"

"I think so, actually. I haven't read up a lot on that side of things, but I think I remember another student asking something about that in one of my classes."

"What sense does that make, though? You and I both know that if a judge sat that kid down and asked who he wanted to live with, his answer would be..." James hesitated, suddenly uncertain. "I mean...it _would_ be me, right?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. He does love his grandpa, though. We need to consider that, and even if nothing ever goes to court, he should be allowed to see his grandparents."

"I know," James sighed, hating to admit that. "I just don't want her anywhere around him. She's poison to him."

"But in his own way, he loves her. She's still his grandma, and was probably the most stable person in his life before he came to live with you."

James bit his lip. The tears were gone now, but Kendall could see that his heart was still struggling with everything. "How long does she have to make a move? Is there some kind of like...time period she has to claim him?"

"No, not really. But she'd need time to prepare a case, to hire a lawyer and plan out their attack and to gather evidence against you."

"What sort of evidence?"

"Anything she can find to prove you're not fit to raise Noah. That you're a danger to him in some way."

"So...the fact that nothing's happened yet. That doesn't really mean anything."

Kendall shrugged. "It's hard to say, babe."

"And when she does.. _.if_ she does. What happens?"

"She'll file a petition with the court, for a hearing. You'll get served with a summons telling you where and when to appear, and at that hearing she'll present her evidence. If the judge agrees with her, Noah goes home with her. Paul can ask for visitation rights during that hearing, or you can petition for that later at another hearing. But it's best to be ready for anything, so we'll make sure he requests that for you immediately if the judge sides with her. The goal is to put enough doubt in the judge's mind about her that you're seen as the better parent for him."

"So then...could the judge give us both custody? Like they do in divorces? Because that would be hard on Noah to go back and forth, but it's better than me only seeing him for like an hour a week or something."

"Most judges know that it's better for a child to have something stable, and if shared custody can be avoided, they'll go with that. They try to be fair to the parents, but the welfare of the child is most important. Since you're the actual parent, you have a better chance of getting full custody—as long as the judge feels you provide the right environment for Noah, anyway. So that's our goal, and that's what Paul was talking about with the Pembroke being a secure home for Noah. But we also have to prove that there isn't anything weird happening inside the apartment, and that's where I come in. I might be perceived as a danger."

"But what sense does that even make? Because you're gay? So is Carlos! So is Logan, and so am I! Why would it be okay for Noah to be around all of us but not you?"

"Because none of them would be dating you. A judge has to look at how that would shape Noah's perception of relationships. Carlos and Logan are your friends, but I'd be so much more. I'd be a potential second dad for Noah, and that changes everything. I'd be living there."

"So is Carlos! And I mean, if anyone is gonna spend a lot of time with Noah, it's him. I just don't get why Paul is worried about you, like you're the bad guy, but Carlos is okay."

"For all the reasons I just said. I'm going to have more of an impact on Noah, as a potential stepfather."

"What if we tell the judge you're just a friend, too?" When Kendall didn't answer, James pressed on. "They don't know any different, right? Since Noah never talks about you?"

"I wouldn't want to risk that, babe. We can go in saying that, and then someone slips or is asked under oath, and the judge knows we lied. If Logan was asked directly about our relationship, would he lie?"

"No," James sighed. "Not under oath."

"Exactly, and I wouldn't ask him to. My point is, they both have a reason to be in your life. Logan is your best friend, Carlos is the nanny. What am I?"

"The best thing that ever happened to me?"

Kendall couldn't keep a smile from curving up his lips. "And do you think a judge wouldn't know that the second you laid eyes on me? You're not very good at keeping your feelings for me a secret, you know. Even Noah could tell after spending a day with us."

"Well, he's my kid. And he knew it because he worships you, too."

"Ah, James." Kendall placed a hand over James' cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. "Everything you said in that office is true, but that's not how the law works. We just have to be ready for anything. We have to go into this as if we're going to get the most homophobic judge in the world, because we might. And that's why it's best that I don't exist in Noah's life."

"You mean inside the courtroom. Because there's no way in hell we're letting you disappear."

Kendall hugged James in. "I'll do everything I can to keep that from happening. But you have to work with me, and with Paul. Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone."

"Then don't fight us. We're only doing what we have to for you and Noah."

"Don't let her take him from me. Please."

Kendall squeezed James tighter, feeling the tension in a body that looked so strong on the outside but was so fragile underneath. "I'll do what I have to." He waited until James had calmed to ask, "Now what time do we need to pick up Noah?"

James' head shot up, barely missing Kendall's chin in the process. "Shit!" After a glance at his watch, he shifted to turn the car on. "We're gonna be late. Shit shit shit! I'm so bad at this dad stuff!"

"Babe, relax," Kendall chuckled. "You're not the only late parent in the world. We'll take him out for cocoa to make it up to him."

"Oh my god, I could so go for one of your lattes right now. I kind of miss that."

"My lattes?"

"Yeah." James pulled out of the parking spot and reversed directions. "Now that you live with me, I don't have any reason to go down there every day."

"Babe, slow down. Noah's not going anywhere, he's safe at the school until we get there." James heeded the warning and Kendall breathed again. "Why did you go to a place so far away just for coffee?"

"Are you kidding me? That's not 'just coffee.' What you do there is magic."

"Still, though," Kendall laughed, pleased all the same. "Why so far away?"

"The first time, I was driving back from Logan's. I hadn't gotten much sleep and was tired, so I needed some caffeine. Saw the place across the street from Black Forest and pulled in. The line was way too long, though, and I just wanted to get home, so I went to your place instead. Best decision I ever made in my life."

"Yeah, we actually steal a lot of customers from that place."

"I'm sure some of that is due to the coffee, but for me it was you. That really was the best latte I'd ever had. And then you smiled at me and..." James shrugged. "Well, you know the rest."

"Wait, so you came back every day for me? You drove all that way just for coffee?"

"For my morning fix, I sure did. And not just for the coffee," James winked. "I hated Sundays because I knew I wouldn't see you. _Or_ get good coffee."

Kendall swallowed, choked up more than he should've been over the admission. "I can't believe you did that. Every single day. Just for..."

"You."

"Me."

"Worth every penny of extra time and gas, babe."

Kendall shook his head. "I just can't believe that all that time, you were infatuated with me, too. Wait a second."

"Hmm?"

"You were coming back from Logan's? In the morning?"

"Yeah?"

"And you didn't get much sleep?"

James snuck a glance over, amused. "When are you gonna accept that I've never been with Logan?"

"When you stop making comments like that."

"It was for his job interview, Kendall. He was a basketcase and called me while I was working. I left early and went to his place to calm him down. He was in a panic because he was so sure they weren't going to hire him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. We just talked. And maybe cuddled a little."

"See, that's the sort of thing you shouldn't tell me."

"I only did it to mess with you," James smirked. "But really, he was scared. Like you wouldn't do that for Carlos?"

Immediately Kendall felt like an idiot. "Okay, you win. I have done that for Carlos. Not about a job, but..."

"Mm-hm."

"I'm sorry. I'm so ridiculous with my jealousy. It's ruined things for me in the past."

"Good thing for you I'm just as jealous, isn't it?"

"Are you, though?" Kendall mused, turning to study James. "I haven't seen any of that."

"There hasn't been reason for it yet. You just wait, babe. You're not the only jealous bitch in this relationship, trust me."

The words probably would've set off warning bells from anyone else. Coming from James, though, who put his body on display for countless other men on a daily basis, they only made Kendall feel more secure.

* * *

"Kendall!"

The screech was loud enough that everyone in the classroom turned to stare at Noah. They were late, but only by ten minutes and all that remained in the room with Mrs. Lattimore were a handful of other students and parents. All of them watched as Noah sprinted toward the door to launch himself into Kendall's waiting arms, and Kendall's heart felt like it might explode from joy as he stood while Noah clung to his side. "Hey, buddy!"

"I thought you had to work!"

"I left a little early today, your daddy and I had a meeting with Paul. Do you remember him?"

Noah's grin faded. "The man who tried to make me stay with Grandma?"

"Uh...well, now he's making sure you stay with Daddy."

"Oh." His face cleared again and he fought to climb down. "Come look at what I drew today!"

Kendall allowed himself to be dragged off by the hand, looking back at James with an "I'm sorry" expression. James shrugged, used to it, before turning to greet Mrs. Lattimore.

Kendall was taken around the room, Noah proudly explaining what each area was for and showing Kendall the work he'd done in the two days he'd been at school. Noah then steered him to the table he sat at, where a boy was finishing up some sort of colorful collage made up of cutouts from magazines. "This is Zavey!"

"Oh, hi," Kendall smiled. "Noah told me about you. You're his friend, right?"

Zavey nodded, cheeks reddening at being the center of attention.

"This is Kendall, he's my best friend! He makes hot cocoa and cookies!"

Kendall grinned now, also embarrassed by the attention. "What are you making?" he asked the boy, who barely glanced up while gluing the last picture into place.

"Me."

The answer confused Kendall until Noah explained, "Those are the things that make up Zavey. Look at mine!" He motioned for Kendall to move aside, then reached for a folder on what was apparently his desk. From inside he extracted his own collage, pointing out each thing he'd chosen and added to it. "I used books cause I like to read, see? And the stars right here. And green, cause that's my favorite color!"

"I see that. What's the airplane?"

"Oh, cause I like when Daddy spins me like a airplane. Look, I put a taco in, too!"

"Because you love his tacos," Kendall chuckled. "And there's a heart. Because you love him?" Noah only managed a nod to that question, and Kendall moved on as he knew it was difficult for Noah to express that. "Is that a dog I see here?"

"Yeah. I want a dog."

"I kinda figured that out, buddy. No promises on that. Who's this lady?" Noah didn't answer right away, and Kendall suddenly understood. "Is that Mom?" he asked quietly.

"I don't have pictures of her. But that lady looks like Mom."

Kendall nodded. "I'm glad you put her in there. You shouldn't forget about her. How about the baseball?"

"Grandpa likes baseball! He wanted to teach me but Grandma said no. We used to watch the games on T.V.!"

Remembering his earlier conversation with James, Kendall was even more determined that Noah see his grandfather. "This is really great, buddy. Can you take it home?"

"Not yet. Mrs. Lattimore said for open house we have to keep it here."

"Oh, okay."

"Zavey! You done?"

They looked toward the front of the room when the female voice called out, and only then did Kendall notice that James was surrounded by women. Three of them seemed to be fighting for his attention while the fourth waited for Zavey.

"Coming," the boy answered quietly. Before he could get too far, Noah ran over and hugged him.

"See you tomorrow! Don't forget, it's my turn on the swings first!"

"I remember," Zavey replied, his face more animated now. "But you have to push me next!"

"I promise! Bye, Zavey!"

The boy took his mother's outstretched hand and Kendall watched while she said goodbye to James. She was almost out the door when she turned back. "I'll call you tonight, James."

"Anytime after four is good," James smiled back, then shifted his attention to Kendall. "I'll explain later."

 _Oh, you'd better._ Before he could voice any of his thoughts, Noah redirected his focus with a whisper.

"Kendall! Kendall, look, I can't tell anyone but this is for you."

Kendall's eyes followed Noah's pointing finger to a small cutout he hadn't noticed in the collage. It featured a cartoon wizard with a wand. Next to that one, he'd glued a picture of an owl.

"And see, I even put Scampers in. And here's a bookshelf, like the one we built together."

Words failed Kendall. All he could do was stare at the tiny pictures, realizing that in Noah's mind, he was part of what made up the boy's world.

"Is that okay?" Noah asked, worried by Kendall's lack of enthusiasm. "I didn't tell anybody. Nobody knows our secret. Oh, but I told Zavey you're my best friend! Is that bad? I can tell him not to tell anybody! I'm sorry, Kendall, I didn't mean to!"

"No, Noah, no, it's okay." As Noah was heading toward hysteria again (albeit in a whisper), Kendall awkwardly sat in the nearest small chair and lifted Noah onto his lap to hug him. "It's okay. You don't have to keep me a secret."

"But if someone knows, you'll have to leave!"

"You can tell them we're friends, it's okay."

"Promise?"

"Yes," Kendall nodded. "If anyone ever asks you about me, I don't want you to feel like you have to lie. You just can't tell them I'm a wizard."

"I won't!"

"I know. We're okay, baby. We're okay. Want hot cocoa on the way home?"

"Yeah!"

A tinkle of flirty laughter floated their way, prompting Kendall to search out James. Again, he was in the midst of mothers vying for his attention. "Oh, we need to get your daddy out of here. Come on."

After grabbing Noah's backpack, Kendall stood with Noah on his hip, making a beeline for the small group. "Ready, James? We promised Noah a treat on the way home."

James grinned, obviously reveling in Kendall's jealousy. "So we did. Ladies, I'm sure we'll meet again. Mrs. Lattimore, thank you for the email yesterday."

An older woman Kendall assumed to be the teacher nodded. "I'll send another this afternoon."

"Thanks." James turned to his two favorite people. "Hey, kiddo."

"Hi, Daddy!"

Kendall was pleased to feel Noah leaning away and reaching for his father, who scooped the boy into his arms and hugged him. "So happy to see you, baby. How was school today?"

"It was so great! I got to swing with Zavey at recess! Tomorrow we're gonna do it again!"

At the door Kendall suddenly touched James' elbow. "Hang on. Come look at Noah's collage."

"Yeah! Daddy, let me show you! I want a dog!"

"Oh, do you?" James let out a weak laugh as they moved back across the room. "I uh...we'll have to see. Dogs are a lot of work and...maybe one day. But I can't promise yet, okay? We'll see."

"Okaaaaaaaay." Noah's disappointment vanished when Kendall lifted the collage from Noah's desk. "Look, Daddy, I put a picture of the dog I want! Just in case."

"That's a big dog, kiddo. We have a little apartment."

"Oh. I guess a little dog is okay, too."

Kendall smiled and said, "This collage is what makes up Noah. See, we've got stars and books, and a baseball because that's what his grandpa likes." Kendall didn't miss the sharp look from James at that. "And this represents his mom."

Now James studied the cutout, his breath catching. "Noah. She really does look like Mom, doesn't she? Same hair."

Kendall waited for Noah to agree before adding, "And see this? A taco and an airplane."

James' gaze met Kendall's. He understood the taco, but... "An airplane?"

"Tell him why the airplane, Noah."

Still riding on James' hip, Noah admitted softly, "Cause I like it when you spin me like a airplane."

"Oh, you mean like this?"

Without warning James shifted Noah's body so that he could spin him, doing a less enthusiastic version of it due to their confined setting. Noah's happy screams reverberated around the room, drawing a disapproving frown from Mrs. Lattimore.

"No horseplay in the classroom, children."

"Sorry," James laughed, returning Noah to his previous place. "So this is...what was it? The things that make up Noah?"

"Yeah! I even put the bookshelf Kendall built with me!"

"So you did." James saw more than that but kept mum on the wizard and owl. "This is fantastic. Let's take it home; I want that front and center on the fridge."

"We can't until after open house."

"Well, that sucks." He called out to Mrs. Lattimore. "When's open house?"

"Next Thursday night. I put a notice in his backpack today."

"Cool."

"Will you come, Daddy? Wendy said her mommy and daddy can't come."

"I'll be here, baby. No matter what."

"Kendall? Will you come?"

James fielded that. "Kendall has to work Thursday nights, Noah. I'm sorry."

"I'll be here," Kendall said anyway.

"What? You can't miss work."

"I'll switch with someone. Noah, I'll be here. Promise."

"Yay!"

Noah's excited face made the upcoming hassle of getting his shift covered worth it.

They'd made it out into the hall, Noah's hand secure in his father's, before Kendall had to ask. "Why are you calling Zavey's mother?"

"We're in charge of snacks next week. We have to coordinate, babe."

"I thought the kids brought their own snacks."

"Not all the kids can afford it, so the class provides for those who can't. The parents take turns."

"Oh."

"If you want, I'll put the call on speaker," James teased. "Since you think she's dying to jump my bones."

"Oh shut up, I saw the way those women looked at you."

"They're bored housewives, Kendall. I'm the hot new dad. It's natural."

Kendall leaned closer to whisper, "You're _my_ hot dad, and those bitches need to remember that."

"I might need some reminding of that tonight."

Kendall shook his head while fighting a smirk. "You'd use my jealousy for your own pleasure?"

"I'll use anything I can to get into your pants."

Glad Noah hadn't overheard that, Kendall laughed and slid an arm around James' waist. They were facing an unknown future, but one thing Kendall was certain of was this man's love for him.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N—Sooooo I didn't get anything written this week and probably won't until sometime next week, but I wanted to post anyway. Here's hoping I'll have the next chapter up early next week!

Thanks to those of you still reading and/or reviewing. And to those who followed this story over the past week, thank YOU! :D You know it motivates me so much. :)

* * *

Since Kendall had taken off early from the firm, it was decided that James would cook the chicken for a late lunch rather than waiting until dinner. Kendall obviously had no complaints and offered to help, but James informed him the bigger help would be getting Noah's homework done. After donning his apron and turning on his classical music, James kissed Kendall briefly and shooed him out of the kitchen. "Let the master work his magic."

Kendall grinned, making sure Noah was nowhere in sight before dipping James for a deeper kiss.

"Like I'm supposed to focus on food after that?" James asked, eyes a little glazed over once he was upright again.

"You'd better, because I can't wait to taste your mashed potatoes. Do I get gravy, too?"

"You get anything you want. Just take care of his homework so that when you leave, all I have to worry about tonight is a bath and fun stuff. Do you think he likes board games?"

Kendall frowned. "Do you _have_ board games?"

"No, but we could go get some. He doesn't seem all that into television. Logan was like that, too. Books and board games. Maybe we'll stop on the way home from dropping you off and—"

"Nope. You're not taking me to work."

"Kendall—"

"James, you just drove all the way there and back. I'm not going to make you do it again."

"That was for coffee. This is different."

"Babe. Spend the time with Noah. You two need it."

James sighed, unable to fight that argument. "Fine. Take your stupid bus. But does that mean you have to leave earlier?"

"Just a little bit. I'll still have time for lunch, and maybe we can all check out that gym you mentioned in the building."

"I guess."

"Are you _pouting_?" Kendall was amused. "You look so much like Noah right now."

"Shut up." James shoved Kendall, then dragged him back when Kendall attempted to walk away. "I didn't mean that."

"I know," Kendall smirked, eyes sparkling. "But it's true. He definitely gets that pouty lower lip thing from you."

James tried to glare, but couldn't quite manage it. "Get out of my face."

Kendall's lips creased into a smile. "Love you."

"Kendall! Come see the books I got from the liberry today!"

"Coming, buddy!" Kendall left James with a wink, not missing the way James' eyes filled with love.

* * *

"And I have to be careful with these books, cause they aren't mine. I have to take them back next week or I can't check out more."

Kendall almost laughed at the idea of Noah being anything but careful with books, even his own; the boy treated them like fragile treasure. "Okay, we'll make sure to keep these separate from your own books. How about in this drawer here?"

"Yeah! That will be my liberry drawer!"

"Perfect. Do you want Daddy to read one of them for story time tonight?"

"No, I like when he does the fairy tales. These books are for me to read."

"What if you read one to me instead? Do you have a lot of homework?"

"Let me show you! You want me to read to you?!"

"Sure. We can knock out your homework real quick and then you can read to me while we wait for Daddy to finish dinner. We get fried chicken tonight!"

"And corn! Grandma makes good corn."

"Does she?" After an inner debate, Kendall sat on Noah's bed and patted his hand on the comforter, inviting the boy to join him. "Come talk to me about Grandma for a minute."

Noah hesitated, his hands wringing together in that way he and his father shared. "Grandma?"

"Yeah. Come on, we're just gonna talk."

That seemed safe enough. Noah joined Kendall so that both were leaning against the wall with their legs stretched out before them. "I don't want to live with Grandma again. I like it here."

"Your daddy will be happy to hear that. He was worried today that you might want to go back to Grandma's."

Noah shook his head.

"But you love your grandma, don't you?"

He shrugged.

"You like her corn at least, right?"

"Yeah." The enthusiasm was muted, though. "She cooks good corn. And apple pie."

"You like apple pie?" Kendall made a mental note to mention that to James.

"When it's hot."

"Yeah, that's when it's best. Tell me what else you like about Grandma."

Noah struggled with that, and Kendall wasn't sure if it was because there was nothing else, or if Noah just didn't like to talk about it. Finally he admitted, "She lets me watch shows about space."

"Space? Like...outer space?"

"Yeah."

"Is that where you learned so much?"

"And from Uncle Logan. When we were putting up the stars."

"Right. But you like to watch shows about space, so you can learn?"

"Yeah! And animal shows, too!"

"Okay," Kendall nodded. So Grandma was a fan of educational television; not such a bad thing. "We can watch that stuff here, too."

"We can?!"

"Sure. You just have to tell us what you like. Daddy doesn't mind watching what you want to."

"Daddy likes cartoons."

"Actually, kiddo, I think Daddy thinks _you_ like cartoons. If you tell him what you want to watch, I bet he'd watch that instead."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. He said you liked the movie about the wizards and elves."

"Yeah!"

"Okay, so we can watch more stuff like that, too. We just need to know what you like."

"Grandma never lets me watch cartoons. She says they're not educational."

"Educational," Kendall echoed, marveling that Noah even knew that word. "And do you know what that means?"

"That it teaches you. Cartoons rot your brain."

"Well, I don't know about that. I liked cartoons a lot when I was a kid."

"You did?"

"Yep. Sometimes I still do."

Noah considered that. "Did they _have_ cartoons when you were a kid?"

Kendall stifled a laugh, remembering then that Noah believed him to be a very old wizard. "Some. My point is that it's okay to watch things or do things just for fun. Not everything has to be a learning experience."

"That's not what Grandma says."

"Well...you said you went down the slide, right? And played on the swings?"

"Yeah."

"Was that a learning experience, or just for fun?"

Again Noah was deep in thought. "It was fun."

"And that's okay. You're allowed to have fun sometimes, just because. I know you like to learn, and that's great. I love that about you and hope it never changes. But sometimes we can have fun just to have fun." Kendall gave Noah time to think about that before asking, "What about board games? Did you play games at Grandma's?"

"No. Games are a waste of time, she said."

"Of course she did," Kendall muttered under his breath. "Would you like to play a game? Maybe with Daddy tonight?"

"You don't want to play?"

"I have to work, buddy. But we can play tomorrow night, after we go on our little adventure."

Noah gasped. "We're gonna go on a adventure?"

"We sure are. You and Daddy are picking me up from work and then we're gonna go buy something. I need your help picking it out."

"What is it?!"

"It's a surprise. But it'll be ours, okay? That's why I want you to help me choose it."

Noah's face looked as if it was gonna explode with excitement. "Is it a dog?!"

"No, Noah, I'm sorry. It's not a dog." Before Noah's face could fall too far, he added, "But that doesn't mean we won't get a dog one day. Just not for awhile, okay?"

"Kay. And Carlos is coming Sunday?"

"Yep. We're all gonna go help him move his stuff here, you and me and Daddy and Uncle Logan."

"Uncle Logan's coming?"

"He sure is."

"I want to show him the book I got about space!"

"He'll love it, dude. And...I was wondering if you'd want to meet my mom and my sister."

As Kendall had imagined would be the case, Noah wasn't too sure about that. "Your mom and your sister?"

"Yeah. I told them about you and Daddy, and they want to meet you."

A small tooth came out to bite down on Noah's lower lip. "Are they wizards, too?"

"Uh...no. They actually don't even know that I am. That's just between you and me."

"Oh. Your mom doesn't know?"

"Nope. It's hard to explain."

"Are they nice?"

"Very nice, Noah. I told them how happy you make me and they want to know you, too."

"Are they like my other grandma?"

"Your other...what?" Kendall asked, confused.

"Grandma told me about my other grandma. She said..."

 _Oh, Jesus._ What else did that woman fill his head with? "Do you mean Daddy's mom?"

Noah nodded.

"What did Grandma say about her?"

"She doesn't love me."

"Your grandma told you that?"

Another nod.

"Well, she also said that about your daddy, and that wasn't true, was it?"

Noah frowned. "No."

"So...maybe she's wrong about this, too. I bet your other grandma will love you very much once she meets you."

"How come she hasn't visited us?"

"There's been a lot going on and we haven't had time. I can talk to Daddy, though, and we can invite her for dinner or something. Would you like to meet her?" There was no answer. "I'll be right there with you, and so will Daddy. We won't let anyone hurt you."

"Do you know her?"

"Your other grandma? No, I haven't met her yet. We can meet her together." More silence greeted Kendall, and he sighed; it was too soon. "Okay, we'll wait until you're ready. But what about my mom? I know her, and she's really nice. I bet if I ask her to, she'll even make us cookies to bring home."

"You said we could make cookies tomorrow."

He'd forgotten that. "You can never have too many cookies, Noah."

That brought a genuine smile to Noah's face. "She's nice?"

"Super nice. And my sister Katie's really cool. She likes to watch animal shows, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So what do you think? After we get Carlos moved in here, can we all go have dinner at my mom's house? Carlos will come, too."

"How about Uncle Logan?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe if you ask him, he'll come along."

"Okay! I'll do it Saturday at the space place!"

Kendall grinned; he'd like to see Logan try to say no to that face. _Carlos, you owe me one._ "All right, we should get going on your homework so you have time to read me a story before dinner."

"I know which one I want to read you!"

"Cool, buddy. What are we working on today?"

"Shapes."

"Oh, I got shapes down. Let's do this."

Noah dragged his homework folder from his backpack, and they stretched out on their stomachs across the floor to study the worksheet. "So you just have to practice your shapes?"

"Yeah."

"We can handle that."

"I have spelling words, too."

"No problem."

While drawing his third triangle, Noah suddenly asked, "Is Grandma gonna come visit?"

Kendall's heart dropped. "Which grandma?"

"My grandma. You said Daddy's mom can come, and we're gonna go see your mom. Is my grandma gonna visit?"

Kendall licked his lips. "Do you want her to?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Cause she'll take me away."

"She can't do that, it's against the law."

"She said she'd come get me."

"I know, Noah, but there are rules about that. I'm not gonna lie, she might try to make you live with her. But a judge has to say it's okay for that to happen, and before that we have to go to court. She can try to take you away, but she can't do it without permission from the court."

"Kay. Can Grandpa come visit?"

"Would he try to take you away?"

"No. He said he wants me to be happy."

"And you told him you're happy here?"

"Yeah."

"Then we'll see if we can get him over here, okay? Would you like that?"

"Yeah. Just not her."

"I'll talk to Paul about it. We might have to go somewhere to meet with him, but we'll find a way for you to see your Grandpa."

Noah nodded. "Thanks, Kendall."

"Anything for you, buddy. I'm always here for you, no matter what. You just tell me what you need, okay?"

"Kay."

Kendall watched Noah continue to draw shapes, as always amazed that under the surface there was so much going on in that complex little mind.

* * *

As usual, Kendall enjoyed his evening shift at Black Forest. It helped that his belly was full of the best fried chicken he'd ever tasted and that he'd brought along more to snack on during his break. On his way out, Carlos caught Kendall whistling and grinned.

"Good day?" he teased.

"Understatement. I helped Noah with his homework. And you can have a piece of the fried chicken in the fridge if you want, but only one."

"Fried chicken?"

"Dude, James is seriously the best cook. Go try that chicken and tell me I'm wrong." With a flourish, Kendall added a dollop of whipped cream to the current order. "But only one piece! I've been looking forward to that since I walked in the door."

"You are so completely head over heels."

"I don't deny it. Oh, so Noah's going to ask Logan to join us for dinner at Mom's."

Carlos stood up straighter. "Noah is?"

"Yep. I thought that might be the way to make it happen. And you'll need to call me Saturday when you get off work. Pretend you have no idea that we're at the museum." Kendall stepped away long enough to call out the name for the order, then returned to add, "At that point, I'm going to inform you that we're there and invite you to join us. All without James' knowledge. Then I'll be like 'Oh hey guys, that was Carlos. I told him to come on down.'"

Carlos' lips twitched. "James already knows though, right?"

"Totally. It was his idea."

"You guys are really sneaky." Rather than put him off, the notion had Carlos grinning again.

"That's all James. He knows Logan better than I do, so if he says that's how it has to be..."

"Yeah. Okay, I'm headed out. One more day should do it on the packing, except for the last-minute stuff I'll need to pack right before I move. Kendall, I'm so excited! It's boring living alone."

"Didn't Corey only move out like two days ago?"

"So? I'm a people person."

"That you are," Kendall chuckled. "See you Saturday."

"Night!" Carlos started to head toward the door.

"Hey, I'm serious! Go try that chicken!"

"Oh, right!"

Carlos practically ran back to the breakroom. Kendall reached for the next order.

"Kendall! Phone!"

He spun around at the sound of his name. "For me?"

"You!" Gina called back. "Line one."

Kendall frowned. No one ever called him at work. "I'll take it back here. Corey, can you cover me for a second? Thanks." He moved toward the breakroom, where there was a second extension near the machine they used to clock in and out. Carlos glanced over with a mouth full of chicken. He nodded and gave Kendall a thumbs up. "Told you," Kendall laughed, then picked up the call. "This is Kendall, how can I—"

"Babe! Babe they're taking him I don't know what to do tell me what to do how do I stop them?!"

It was James, and he was hysterical. Kendall couldn't even speak for a second, so overcome with fear that thought was stunted.

"Kendall!"

"Babe, hold on. Calm down. What's going on?"

"They're taking him! Please help me, don't let them take him, I don't know what to do. Make them stop!"

Kendall's stomach dropped out. "Who? Who's there?"

"The sheriff?! I don't know, they have uniforms and a paper and they're in there now and Kendall please, don't let them take him! She's gonna take him!"

The sheriff? What the fuck was going on? There was no need to involve the sheriff unless... "Oh god. Okay, babe? Babe, are you listening to me?"

A broken sob was his reply.

"Let me talk to them."

"Who?"

"Did they send people from the sheriff's department?"

"Yeah. And a woman." He could barely speak.

"Is she with them?"

"Yeah, just...babe. I can't..."

"I know. I know, James, just...I need you to calm down and give one of them the phone. Tell them I'm your lawyer."

"My...but you said you can't be."

"Babe, please. I need to know what's going on so I can help you. Let me talk to them."

Suddenly Carlos was at his elbow, eyes wide and inquisitive. Kendall shook his head; Carlos wasn't his main concern right now.

There were faint voices over the line until a strong male one said, "This is Deputy Nelson, who am I speaking with?"

"I'm Mr. Diamond's attorney. He just called me, can you tell me what's going on?"

"We're here to carry out an emergency child removal."

Kendall's heart cracked. _No. No no no this isn't possible._ How had he not seen that she would take it to this level? "On what grounds?"

"It's all in the paperwork."

"I won't see the paperwork until morning and I'd like to get a start on the case now. What are the accusations?"

"The child's in danger here."

"What are the specifics? There had to be enough evidence for the court to take action."

"Your client can tell you all of that."

"My client is hysterical right now. Please, Deputy."

After a sigh, the man shared, "Drug use. Unhealthy environment for the child, exposure to lewd acts."

"Jesus," Kendall whispered. "I'm telling you right now there is no drug use. She's wrong about that. She's wrong about everything!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's not up to me to decide. We're following the orders we were given, and you can go through the necessary steps in court to resolve this for your client."

 _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck this is a nightmare._ "Where is Noah being taken?" When the sheriff hesitated, Kendall added, "My client has a right to know that much."

"To a safe location. He'll be with his grandparents until the hearing."

The hearing. Okay, so there was a hearing probably already scheduled. Which could go either way. Kendall felt faint. "Thank you, Deputy. Can I speak to Noah?"

There was a pause, then, "You want to talk to the kid?"

"Please. It's important."

"I'm not sure—"

"Deputy, please put Noah on the phone. It's his welfare I'm concerned about here."

"Well, I...hold on."

Kendall didn't even have two seconds to breathe before James was in his ear. "Did you stop them?! Are they leaving him?!"

"Babe...no. I'm sorry, they have a warrant for removal."

"What the fuck does that even mean?!" James screamed.

"James. I'm sorry. We have to fight this out in court."

"Fuck that! I'm not letting them take my kid!"

"Oh Jesus," Kendall sighed again. To Carlos, he said, "Go tell Monica I need to leave right now. And can you drive me to James'?" Carlos immediately rushed off after a quick nod, and then Kendall returned his attention to James. "I'm on my way over, okay? I need you to hold on until I get there."

"They're not gonna wait, they're already packing his stuff."

"I know. You have to let them take him."

"No!"

"James, listen to me. If you don't, they'll put you in jail. Noah needs you free to fight this. The second they're gone, I want you to call Paul."

"Babe, don't let them." James sounded as if he was five seconds away from a complete breakdown. "Don't let them take my baby."

Kendall fought to keep from breaking down himself; he would be most useful to them with his mind in charge, not his heart. "Where's Noah?"

"In his room. He...he wanted to take all of his books and they're not letting him. He has to choose. Babe, he's so scared. He doesn't want to go, why can't they see that? He doesn't want to go!"

"I know. He told me that today, and I never got a chance to tell you. He wants to live with you."

"What did I do wrong? I thought I was doing okay, you know? Not the best dad but I thought..." A sudden sniff, and then James' voice strengthened. "Hey, baby. I...oh. Yeah, here."

"Kendall?"

He'd expected Noah to sound scared, but instead there was the sound of hope in that tiny voice. Kendall wanted to cry again. "Hey, buddy."

"They're taking me to Grandma's."

"I know, your daddy told me."

"Can you do something? It's time to use your magic."

Kendall's insides twisted. "I'm going to, but I have to do it in a way that's not obvious. So for now, we have to go along with what they say."

"I won't tell! Just do something and they won't know how you did it!"

"Noah..." Now the tears came, the fight against them futile. "I'm sorry. For now, you have to go with them. Grandpa will keep you safe, okay? Make sure to tell him how much you miss your daddy and want to live with him."

"But you said they wouldn't take me. You said we have to do court first."

 _I was wrong. I was an idiot and I was wrong._ "Usually, that's how it works. Your grandma...she told the court things that aren't true and they believed her. But with Paul's help, we're gonna show the judge she's wrong. And then you can go back to Daddy's for good."

"Promise?"

Kendall couldn't promise that. He knew better than to do so, as Noah's faith in him was already starting to crumble. "I promise we'll try. Noah...I love you. Your daddy loves you, we want you back here to live with us and we're gonna do everything we can to make that happen, okay?"

"You said you'd keep our family safe. I don't want to go."

The unshed tears in Noah's voice shattered Kendall's heart. "I know, baby. I don't want you to go, either. I'm on my way home now, and we're gonna find a way to get you back."

"They said I have to go now. Bye, Kendall. I know you have to find a new family now, but can you still take care of Daddy? He needs you."

Kendall's stomach dropped and he replied, "I won't find a new family. You're the only one I care about. Baby, just...remember everything we taught you. We're gonna make sure the judge knows she's lying, and then you can come back. Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"Make sure to tell Daddy you love him. Before you go."

"Kay. Don't forget to take my liberry books back!"

His library books. The child was being dragged out of his home and was worried about _library books._ Kendall's heart ripped open a little wider. "I won't."

At some point Carlos had returned to the breakroom and was waiting patiently, Kendall's insulated lunch bag in hand. "Thank you," Kendall mouthed.

"Babe." Just one word, whispered and breathy and full of terror.

"I'm on my way."

"Can we stop them? Is there really nothing we can do?"

At least James sounded less hysterical—more scared, but also more rational.

"Not right now. Like I said, call Paul and tell him what that paper says."

"You said they had to file a petition. You said we'd fight this out in court. You didn't say anything about a...a..." Kendall could hear a piece of paper being fluttered. "An order for emergency removal."

"I never imagined she'd take it that far, James. She's making false claims."

"They're ready." Now his voice shook again. "I'm gonna say goodbye. Just...get here. Please get here."

"On my way. I love you. Call me on my cell if you need to. Carlos is driving me over."

"Kay."

The call was disconnected. Kendall slowly hung up the receiver, then turned to Carlos and started to shake. Carlos caught him when his knees gave out and he let out a wail of grief.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N—I'm back with more Magic! Got enough written today that I feel okay with posting another chapter. Hoping to write more on my next day off, and if so I'll post the next one. Thanks for the reviews I got on the last one, even if you all hate me right now haha. You knew the witch wouldn't just let them live in peace, right? I love you guys for reading this! :)

* * *

As soon as he was able to calm Kendall down enough to speak, Carlos steered him out of the coffeehouse and to the truck. There wasn't a lot to explain, as he'd gotten the gist upon overhearing Kendall's side of the conversation, and so he only asked a few questions as they pulled out of the parking lot. After that, he let Kendall hold his silence.

Kendall spoke up four minutes later. "Isn't there a faster way to get there? This is gonna take forever. I'm worried about James."

"I'm sorry, dude, this is the fastest way I know. And it's rush hour."

"Ugh," Kendall groaned. He considered calling but then realized James was probably on the phone with Paul. "Does Logan live closer? Wait, no, I think he lives near Black Forest. Fuck, if only there was a neighbor that could be with James right now."

"We should be there in like fifteen minutes."

"That's going to feel like an eternity to him. I fucked up, Carlos. I should've seen this coming."

"Will you stop blaming yourself? It's not your fault the woman's a conniving bitch."

"But I _knew_ she was, and I still didn't think she'd go this far. I mean, for a judge to sign that order...she has to have serious evidence. I don't understand how she'd even—" Kendall's phone buzzed and he gasped. "James!" His face changed when it turned out to be a number he didn't recognize. "Oh, it might be Paul." He answered the incoming call. "Hello?"

"Mr. Kendall, this is Harvey from the Pembroke. I'm so sorry to—"

"Harvey!" Relief flooded Kendall until he realized that Harvey couldn't leave the front entrance of the building. Then a scarier thought sank in. "Is James okay?"

"Well, sir, that's what I'm calling about. Noah just left with a couple of deputies; he said he was going to live with his grandparents. I was concerned for Mr. Diamond, as I know it was against his will, but I can't get him on the line. You were the only person I could think to call who might know if he's alright, and...well, the truth is I'm just worried. I consider some of the residents family and I feel partially responsible for letting them in but I had no choice, they were from the sheriff's department and—"

"Harvey, no, you didn't do anything wrong. They showed you the order, right?"

"Yes sir, that's the only reason I allowed them up, and I tried to call Mr. Diamond the second they walked away. I can't defy the sheriff's department."

"Of course not. Please don't blame yourself. And James is probably on another call with his attorney, so I'm sure he's fine, but..." Kendall's own fears crept back in, along with the realization that this would be something traumatic enough to send James looking for escape. They couldn't risk him failing a drug test. "I'm on my way over right now, but we're still about fifteen minutes away. I know you can't leave the door, so—"

"I'm allowed an evening break. Let me get someone on the door and I'll go straight up there."

Kendall let out a relieved breath. "Harvey, thank you. Thank you so much, I'm worried about him too and this traffic just...fifteen minutes. Please."

"Would you like me to have him call you?"

"No, just...if you can't get in, call me back. If I don't hear from you, I'll assume you're with him and I'll feel so much better."

"Understood."

"Thank you. And...not that I mind, but I'm curious. How do you have my number?"

"Oh, Mr. Diamond gave it to me last week. He said that if I ever need to get in touch with him but can't, to call you instead and you have his permission to make any decisions on his behalf."

Kendall closed his eyes, emotion welling up. Even a few days into their relationship, James' trust in him had been absolute. Would that trust shatter now that he'd let both James and Noah down so completely? "I didn't know that. Thank you, Harvey. Please be with him until I can."

"Yes, sir. We'll see you in a bit."

Kendall disconnected the call and let out a shuddering sigh.

"Everything okay?" Carlos asked.

"I...maybe. Harvey's going up to be with James until we get there. He actually feels responsible for letting in the deputies."

"Did he know why they were there?"

"Yeah, they showed him the removal order. He didn't have a choice."

Carlos shook his head. "This is so messed up. James is trying so hard with that kid."

"Yeah." Kendall's eyes closed again and he leaned his head against the window.

"He'll get Noah back, though, right? I mean, she can't keep him forever. Doesn't a dad have more power than a grandma?"

"As long as the dad can provide a safe environment for the child, yes."

"And James can, especially with you there."

Hot tears tracked silently down Kendall's cheeks.

"Dude...come on, man, this is gonna work out. The judge will see that James is a good dad. And I'll do the background check and drug test and whatever else I have to do, and you said that should be enough, right?"

"Hopefully."

"Kendall. That kid's going to tell them he wants to be with his dad. Like you said, you just have to show that she's a monster. It's gonna be okay."

He wiped away tears with the back of his hand. "Well, at the very least James should be able to visit Noah. So it's not like they'll never see each other again."

"No way. You guys will get him back, I know you will."

"There's no guarantee on that, Carlos. All that we can really count on for sure is James getting visitation. The rest..." Kendall shrugged, not wanting to think about what it all meant for him.

Carlos allowed him silence until they were a block from the Pembroke. "What happens if she does win?"

"Exactly what I said. James will probably get to see Noah a couple times a month. Maybe even just once. And it will be supervised and he can't take Noah anywhere."

"Wow, that would suck."

"At least he'd get to see him and watch him grow up."

A sudden choked sob from Kendall had Carlos' head swinging over. They were now across the street from the building. "Hey. Kendall. It's gonna be fine. That kid's gonna be back home in a week."

"And if he's not?" Kendall used the sleeve of his flannel shirt to brush the wetness from his cheeks.

Carlos pulled over to the curb after crossing the street. "Then...you just get to see him once or twice a month. I know it sucks, but—"

"No, Carlos," Kendall sniffed, then he continued in a shaky voice. "You don't get it. _James_ sees him once or twice a month. I'm nobody in the eyes of the law. I have no rights to see him. If she wins this, I never see Noah again. I don't even know if I'll ever see him again!" He'd tried to keep that fear from rising to the surface because James needed him; he had to be the strong one. Once the words were spoken the despair climbed up to suffocate him so that he couldn't breathe.

"Hey. Kendall, hey. Hey!" Carlos shook him. "You're gonna see him again! I know you, and I know you'll do whatever it takes to bring that family back together. Breathe, Kendall. Do I need to slap you like they do in the movies?"

"What if I never see him again, Carlos?"

The terror-filled voice was one he'd never heard from Kendall before. "Look at me. Kendall." It took a moment, but Kendall finally did. "You don't think about that right now. You can be scared all you want later, once James is asleep. Right now you let him be the scared one, and you tell him everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna fix this."

"What if I can't?"

"For tonight, he needs to believe you can. Hell, _I_ believe you can. You're the only one who doesn't believe it. Do you think Noah's not sitting there right now waiting for you to fix this? That kid worships you. They both do, and it's because you _can_ fix this. You can do anything."

"But I can't, Carlos, I'm not the superhero they think I am. I'm just...me."

"And that's enough. You just go up there and be the rock James needs right now. Noah may not be in the best place, but he's safe. They won't hurt him, at least not physically. He's somewhere familiar and he misses you guys, but he's in a place where he knows he's safe. James is the one who needs you most right now, and he needs you to not be crying and doubting yourself. He needs you to tell him everything's gonna be okay."

"So I should lie to him? Give him false hope?"

"It's only a lie if it doesn't come true. And yes, he needs hope. He needs that more than anything. So stop blubbering and take care of your man." He waited for Kendall to get a grip and then asked, "Do you want me to go up with you? I don't mind hanging out if you guys need me."

Kendall cleared his throat. "No. Thanks, but James won't want anyone to see him like this. He's gonna break down and he needs to feel like he can without worrying what anyone might think of him."

"Okay. Call if you need me, I'll be at home finishing up the packing. Although...damn."

"He'll still let you move in, Carlos."

"Even if there's no kid to take care of?"

"He'd at least let you stay there until you found something else. He's a man of his word."

Carlos nodded slowly. "He's a good guy. A little rude sometimes, but a good guy deep down."

"Yeah," Kendall whispered. "He's..." He didn't finish the thought. After bracing himself, he opened the door. "I can do this."

"Just be there for him, dude. Let him lean on you. Don't let him see that you're scared, too. Not tonight."

"Right." Kendall stepped out onto the curb, then leaned back in. "Thanks, Carlos. I owe you one."

"You owe me tons. Call me if you need me."

"I will. Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime."

Kendall glanced toward the entrance of the Pembroke, thankful to see that it wasn't Harvey manning the door. _God bless you, Harvey._ "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Appreciate that. Night, bro."

"Bye." After closing the truck's door, Kendall turned and headed toward the building.

* * *

The night doorman only nodded at him, having seen him with James enough that apparently he assumed Kendall had moved in; or maybe the same instruction had been given to him by James, that he was to be allowed in without question.

Would that still be the case by morning?

The thought of it made Kendall's blood run cold, that James might be so angry at him for letting this happen that he'd leave Kendall. James would be looking for someone to blame—who better than the fallen hero who was supposed to keep them together and safe?

Carlos' voice broke through the fear. _Stop it, don't think that way. He needs you now more than ever, he's not gonna throw you out._

Kendall stepped into the elevator and pressed the correct floor, trying not to think of how scared Noah must have been in this spot less than thirty minutes before. Had Noah also lost faith in him, a wizard who couldn't stop this with his magic?

 _Noah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby._

By the time he reached James' door, the tears were threatening again but he forced them back and took a deep breath. Carlos was right—James needed him to be strong.

Harvey answered the knock. He was dressed in his uniform, impeccable as always, but his eyes were different; there was worry and sadness Kendall had never seen in them before.

"Harvey, thank you," Kendall said quietly.

"Of course, sir. He's barely said two words. I can't get him to talk."

Kendall nodded, then stepped inside. "I'll be in touch once I get him settled for the night. Unless...you might not be on your post then."

"The same number I called you on will get through to me. I'll sleep better knowing he's not so..." Harvey searched for the right word and couldn't find it.

"I know. Thank you again. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sir. I made him some tea, but I don't know if he drank any of it."

Tea was better than other things James could've been drinking. "I'll take care of it. Thanks."

Once the door was closed, the absolute silence of the apartment suffocated Kendall. He'd never realized before how much life Noah brought to the place, even when he was quiet. There was an aura about him, a light that was similar to James' in that it somehow brightened every room. James was here, head down and seated on the sofa with his hands wrapped around a black mug, but the light was gone. Kendall knew that when those hazel eyes that were normally so bright met his, they'd be dead.

He approached and gently pried the mug from James' fingers. After setting it on the table, he replaced the mug with his own hands and knelt before James. James' eyes weren't exactly dead, though there was a faraway look in them, almost as if he didn't know where he was. "Babe?"

"I don't understand."

Kendall sighed softly. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't get it. They just...took him. We didn't even get a chance to fight for him, I thought we'd get that, I thought we'd go to court and that we'd have a chance but they just...took him."

"We _do_ still have a chance. I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but there will be a court date and we can still fight to get him back. This time for good."

"They just...there was no warning, can they do that? No letter, no phone call, no...they just showed up."

"They can, if...where's the paperwork?"

James' gaze moved to somewhere behind Kendall. He spun around on his knees and spied two sheets of paper on the coffee table. The top one showed James' signature at the bottom.

"They made me sign that. I didn't want to but they said I had to and you said to go along with everything."

It was an acknowledgement of the removal, stating that James was aware Noah was being taken into custody and placed in his grandparents' home until the hearing. "Yeah, this is just you saying you understand what's happening."

"But I don't. Kendall...I don't. I thought there were rules about this."

The lack of anger or even sadness in James' tone worried Kendall. He took one of James' hands in his. "There are, babe." After skimming over the more important paper, Kendall sighed. "And it looks like she followed them. She just lied to get her way before we could even make it to court."

The copy of the actual order they'd left behind with James explained that the court felt there was a need to get Noah away from the "dangerous" situation he'd been in, and that it couldn't wait until the hearing, which had been set for the following week. There was no telling what exactly Sherry had accused James of, but with terms like "child neglect and endangerment due to substance abuse" and "lewd acts possibly involving a child" Kendall had a pretty good idea what she'd made a judge believe. Still, she had to have evidence to get this far, and that was what he didn't understand. Had Noah said something to make her think horrible things were happening here?

"I didn't walk him down."

Kendall's thoughts were dragged back to James. He set down the paper and squeezed James' hands. "What?"

"I didn't even walk him down. What kind of father am I? I let them walk out of here with my son and I didn't even walk him down to make sure he made it to the car, what the hell kind of father am I?"

The rising panic in James' voice was actually a welcome change from the lost, detached tone he'd been using thus far. "You were in shock, babe. It's normal."

"But he was so scared and...trying to be so brave. He was worried about _me_ , can you believe it? The last thing he said to me was, 'Are you gonna be okay?' Like _I'm_ the one who needs looking after, Kendall how could they do this?!"

Kendall let out a deep sigh, knowing this was going to be a long night. He moved onto the sofa and lifted one leg up before pulling James closer to settle against between his thighs, Kendall's arms holding him tight. "Want some coffee?"

"No," James choked out. He was almost at the breaking point Kendall had been waiting for.

"Okay. Tell me what happened."

"They took him."

"Babe, tell me exactly what happened."

After a shuddering breath, James did.

* * *

" _Yellow again! I'm gonna pass you!"_

" _Oh no you're not, little man. I'm still five spaces ahead of you."_

" _But look, the yellow is on the bridge! See the arrows? I get to go here."_

" _What? That has to be cheating, let me see that." James looks more closely at the board and mutters, "Gumdrop Pass. Son of a..." He stops himself just in time, remembering that he's working on his potty mouth for Noah's sake. "Fine. You just wait, I'll catch up to you. Want some more lemonade?"_

" _No thanks! It's your turn, Daddy."_

" _Well, I need some fuel if this game is gonna be that hard. Let me grab another bottle of water." James stands from the living room carpet, gaze falling on the other board game they'd purchased earlier. There's probably no way in hell he can beat Noah at Trivial Pursuit, even the edition made for kids, so he'd purchased Candy Land thinking it was a game he'd at least have a shot at winning. So far, it was looking bleak. "You can pick my next card, if you want. But no cheating!"_

" _I don't cheat! That's like lying, and Kendall said to always tell the truth."_

 _James smiles at the mention of his boyfriend (fiance, and husband as soon as he can come up with a way to convince Kendall they need to be married_ now _), wishing he could be here to play with them. Kendall would enjoy watching Noah's excitement over passing his dad on a game board. While reaching to open the fridge, James replies, "Yeah, Kendall's pretty smart. We gotta work on him, kiddo. Get him to move in full time."_

" _Yeah! He likes being here, he told me. I want him to stay forever."_

" _Me too, buddy. Me, too." James hears a buzzing and glances over at his phone, which he'd left on the counter earlier and forgot about. Probably too early to be Kendall calling on his break, but he remembers that Carlos said he'd call after work to finalize plans for moving. Would it be rude to ignore the call in favor of continuing the game with his son?_

" _You got blue, Daddy! Can I move you?"_

" _Yeah, go ahead, I'm—"_

 _A knock at the door cuts off James' words. So it's probably Harvey on the phone, calling to tell James about a visitor. That doesn't make sense, though, because Harvey doesn't let anyone in until getting permission._

 _Hazel eyes meet across the room, Noah's full of terror. "Who's here?"_

" _It's probably Carlos, baby. Maybe he came over instead of calling." James sets down his water bottle on the counter and moves to the front door, aware that Noah is ready to sprint. The intensity of his fear is spooking James a little. "Just stay there."_

 _James peeks through the peephole and frowns. Standing in front of his door are three people he's never seen before; one is a woman in slacks and a blouse, the other two men in uniform. James has no idea why officers would be at his door (_ please God don't let it be about Kendall, please don't let Kendall be dead _), but it's enough to have him changing his mind. "Baby, go to your room. Close the door."_

 _Noah doesn't hesitate or ask questions. His feet make no noise on the plush carpeting, and James waits until he hears the patter of shoes on the wooden floor of Noah's room to open the door. "Can I help you?"_

" _James Diamond?"_

 _His heart jumps up into his throat. They're not at the wrong address, not even asking questions about a neighbor—they're here for him. "What's going on?"_

 _The woman repeats herself. "Are you James Diamond?"_

 _James swallows. "I am."_

 _She states her name and her title, but everything after that is noise because the words "child protective services" render him momentarily brainless._

" _Mr. Diamond? May we come in?"_

 _He can't think with all the buzzing in his head. "I'm sorry?"_

" _Please, Mr. Diamond. Don't make this difficult." When he still makes no move to step out of the way, she sighs and speaks in a more gentle tone. "I'm sorry, sir. But we need to see Noah. May we come in?"_

 _Oh. So it's some sort of home check-up situation. James can live with that. Kendall hasn't warned him about this, but James has heard of such things and the witch is probably looking for reasons to show he's a bad father. Well, let them come in and see for themselves that Noah is taken care of and happy. James steps back and gestures them inside. "He's in his room. We were playing Candy Land. We had an early dinner so I'm going to make something small later, after his bath, and he'll be in bed by nine." They don't need to know that Noah's allowed to stay up a little later when Kendall works evenings so he can be part of story time._

 _The woman's face falls. She nods at one of the deputies, who starts walking down the hallway toward James' bedroom._

" _His room isn't down there, it's that corner one. I'll get him."_

 _The other deputy shakes his head, staying put as if waiting for James to make a scene._

" _Mr. Diamond," the woman begins. "I don't think you understand. We're taking Noah with us."_

 _The buzzing is back and it's louder this time, so loud he has to struggle to speak. "What?"_

" _We're here to execute an emergency removal."_

 _She hands James a piece of paper. The words on it don't make much sense, but he sees Noah's name and an "X" marked next to "child will be placed in the custody of _ _ _ _ _ _ at the following address: _ _ _ _ _ _." The first blank is filled in with the names Peter and Sherry Carter, and the address the same one James spent most of his time at after school each day._

 _One syllable breaks free. "No."_

" _I'm sorry, Mr. Diamond. We'll need to pack up some belongings for him. If the court decides he's to live with his grandparents permanently, they'll be by after to get the remainder of his things."_

" _You can't do this."_

" _I'm sorry, sir." It seems to be all she can say, and is she really? What does she know of Noah, or of him? What does she know of the family she's here to destroy?_

" _Daddy?!"_

 _Noah's scared cry gets through. James rushes to Noah's bedroom, where the boy is sitting on his bed next to the deputy who'd headed that way. "Baby, it's okay." He sinks to his knees and wraps his hands around Noah's arms, the paperwork falling to the floor. "I'm right here."_

" _He said I have to go now. To Grandma's."_

" _No, I don't...I can't..." James looks up at three faces that seem reluctant to show mercy. "You can't do this. She's a monster, he doesn't want to live with her, he wants to stay here!"_

" _I want to stay here!" Noah agrees. "I don't want to live with Grandma." Fat tears begin to roll steadily down Noah's cheeks as he pleads with the officer who told him of his fate. "Please don't make me go back to her, I want to stay with my daddy!"_

 _"Noah...honey." It's the woman, and she attempts a soothing tone. "You're gonna be fine at Grandma's. It's just for a couple of days, and then the judge will decide where you get to live, okay? If the judge decides you can come back here, you can. But for right now he says you have to stay with Grandma and Grandpa."_

 _Noah's lips tremble. He shifts his face from her to stare into James' scared eyes. "Call Kendall."_

Kendall. _Jesus, why is he just now thinking to do that? Kendall will fix everything. After picking up the paper he dropped, he's up and heading out of the room. "Don't touch anything."_

" _We're going to pack a bag for him. Noah, do you have a suitcase?"_

" _It's in that closet."_

 _James turns back in time to see Noah pointing toward the closet. This isn't happening. This_ can't _be happening. There's no way these strangers can just come into his home and steal his child._

" _Can I take all my books?"_

 _When the woman gets a look at the entire shelf full of books, she's at a loss. "Uh...not all of them. We won't have enough room in the suitcase."_

 _That's all James needs to get him moving again. He almost drops the phone twice trying to get Kendall on the line, and when there's no answer he realizes his mistake. Kendall's working, he might not even have his cell on him. "Jesus fucking...why didn't I put that number in my phone?!" It's another ten seconds for James to search up the number for Black Forest, and then it seems forever before someone picks up. What's worse is that she puts him_ on hold _._

Kendall please please please hurry I need you they're taking my baby don't let them please make it stop just—

 _By the time Kendall's voice sounds in his ear, he's reached the panic stage._

* * *

"And...you know the rest. I called you, Harvey showed up...you showed up. What else is there to say?"

Not much, Kendall supposed. He'd let them down. When they were scared, they'd called on him to fix everything and he couldn't. It wasn't his helplessness in the situation that was the problem, but the fact that he hadn't warned them. He hadn't foreseen this. He'd assumed Sherry would follow the proper channels and go about all of this the civilized way, by filing a petition and setting a hearing. And because of that, they hadn't been prepared for the surprise attack.

"I'm sorry," Kendall whispered. "I didn't...I should've realized she would do this."

"Why didn't you?" James asked softly, his face buried in Kendall's chest. "You said we had to prepare for the worst possible outcome, and this...don't you think this is it?"

"Yes." Self-loathing filled him. "The removal order is only executed in extreme cases, when the child is in imminent danger. Noah wasn't, so...I'm sorry. You warned me that she would stop at nothing, you told me she's a monster. I still didn't imagine she would go this far."

"I can't get him back, can I?" There was no fear behind that question—only resignation, as if James had known his new-found happiness with Noah was too good to be true and would be yanked away eventually. "She won."

"She hasn't yet."

"Tell me the truth." James lifted his head to look Kendall straight in the eyes. "Don't try to spare my feelings or anything. Tell me the truth, Kendall."

"I did. She hasn't won. All of the things we said today in Paul's office are still true, and we'll go into that hearing Monday and make sure the judge knows how dangerous Sherry is to Noah's mental health."

"Monday?"

"Yeah, babe. It's on the paperwork. You didn't tell Paul that part?"

James sat up straight, licking his lips. "I didn't call Paul. I forgot."

"Okay, that's our first priority. He needs time to prepare a defense. And an attack."

James stood up slowly and started rubbing his arms. "The things she said...I get the drug thing, I'm sure she believes it's true. But the other stuff? Where the fuck did that come from?"

"I don't know, babe. For all we know, she believes all gay people engage in that sort of thing. The problem here is that she had to have enough proof to convince a judge, and I just don't see how in the world she would get that since it's not true. We need to call Paul."

Now James was pacing. "Can you handle that? You know what you're talking about, and I'm just...just..."

 _Lost._ He didn't say the word, but Kendall knew because he was witnessing it. He stood and dragged James into his embrace. That's all it took for James to break, and then he was holding James up and weathering the violent shakes that led into a cry of mourning.

"It's okay, James. Let it out."

"They took my baby. How could they do that, it's not fair!"

"I know. It's not."

"We were having fun, he was so happy, he was winning the game and so happy! Kids shouldn't have to worry about all this shit, they should just be allowed to play games and be happy!"

Kendall blinked against tears. James was right. What was Noah doing right now? Was she scrubbing him clean in a bathtub, as if he'd been exposed to evil germs? Was she yelling at him that his fun books were a waste of time? Telling him how warped his father was for loving men? "We have to get him back. James, listen to me." He gently pushed the sobbing man in his arms away so that they could look at each other. "Babe. We're gonna get him back."

"But how? She made a judge believe lies, how do we fight that?"

"With the truth. Paul told me today that we can make Pete work for us. We can force him to admit all the horrible things he's heard her say and do." When James looked confused, Kendall added, "After you left."

"Kendall, Pete's not gonna say anything against her. He never stood up for Shannon. He's not gonna change now."

"He might for Noah. He loves that kid, we know it. Noah even said he tries to argue sometimes. Did you ever see him try to argue with her at all when you were there?"

"No, he just..." James wiped his eyes. "He just sat there. Even when she'd try to tell me not to come back and Shannon would scream at her. He just sat there."

"Look, with everything you, Logan, and Pete have witnessed, I don't see how a judge could side with her and think she's capable of raising a healthy child. Not that Shannon wasn't, but..."

"Actually, she wasn't. Whatever happened to her at the end, Sherry made her that way. Can we use that? Can we say to the judge that this is what she does to kids and that Noah's life is in danger because he might grow up to be what Shannon turned into?"

Kendall slowly shook his head. "I don't think we can go in there and basically accuse her of murder. If Shannon was doing enough drugs that she worried about death, or even contemplated suicide, that's on her. No judge is going to see that as Sherry's fault."

"But it's not fair! She'll do worse to Noah, I know she will! She'll realize that her 'mistake' was letting Shannon go to public school and leave the house. She's already homeschooling Noah, and it's obvious that kid never got to go anywhere. She fucking brainwashed him!"

"I know, babe, and that's what I'm saying. We don't need to use Shannon as an example; the way she's raising Noah is enough. What you and Logan can attest to from the past will strengthen that point."

James was back to pacing, his tears gone. "Can we win this, Kendall?" His movement stopped, then he spun around to face Kendall. "No bullshitting, no telling me what I want to hear because you're worried about me. Can we win this? Can I get my son back?"

Kendall thought he might say anything to give James hope, to keep him from falling back into that pit where he was so lost and scared. James had asked him to be straight, though, and he owed his fiance that. "There's a chance. A good one, I think. But I can't promise you anything."

"I'm not asking for promises. I'm asking if we have a chance. You really think we do?"

"I really think we do," Kendall confirmed. "Paul can tell us for sure. The sooner we get in touch with him and get Logan on board, the sooner we can come up with a plan."

"Can I get Noah back before Monday? Is there any sort of emergency something _I_ can file to get him back right now?"

"No. At this point we just have to wait."

"Fuck that, I'm not sitting around doing nothing. I'll spend every second until Monday working on this. I'm getting my son back. Where's my phone?"

Pride filled Kendall. This could've crushed James, and Kendall supposed it had. But he could've sank into depression, blamed himself and Kendall, fallen into that pit of despair and let it consume him. Instead he was fighting back with that anger that sometimes expressed itself in the form of rudeness; this time it was pushing him into action and giving him the fortitude he needed to stand up for himself and protect his family.

He'd remembered that his phone was on the kitchen counter and was heading there when Kendall stepped in front of him. "What? I'm getting my phone so we can call Paul."

" _Yeah, Kendall's pretty smart. We gotta work on him, kiddo. Get him to move in full-time."_ For some reason the words rang in Kendall's head now, and he smiled. "I love you."

James blinked, surprised but touched. "I know."

"I just...needed to say it. And if we get him back, I'll do it. I'll move in."

And why did that statement bring fear to James' gaze? "You mean it?"

"Yeah. I mean it."

James' gaze dropped as he bit his lip. He swallowed before asking, "What if...what if we don't? Is that gonna ruin us?"

Kendall answered the question with a kiss that he put his feelings into. James still wasn't convinced.

"I can't lose both of you. Losing him would be...no. I don't even want to think about it. But losing you, going back to the life I had before...I can't, Kendall. Don't make me do that."

Another kiss brought a whine from James, though this time it wasn't lust driving him—it was sheer desperation to hold on to Kendall. "Promise me."

"I promise. Whatever happens, we'll get through it together. This is my home now, with or without..." He couldn't say it. The mere thought of it robbed him of speech.

James nodded. "Let's get my son back."


	31. Chapter 31

A/N—This was a good week for writing, I got so much of it done! I was going to just wait until next week to post this chapter but I figured why not? So here you go, this wraps up Thursday night, which I'm sure we all agree was a horrible night in the lives of our little family. As always, I can't thank you enough for reading. :)

* * *

The conversation with Paul yielded little more than confirmation of Kendall's words: the removal order would stand, as Sherry had followed the correct legal procedure in filing it. They planned a meeting with Paul for Friday morning, and Kendall was grateful the attorney was willing to set aside his other cases to help them so quickly. As Paul stated, "We'll need as much time as we can get to prepare for the hearing. And I'll see if I can postpone it until Tuesday."

James didn't want to do that; he wanted Noah back as soon as possible. Kendall reminded him that they needed to do it right or they might not win at all. An extra day would help their preparations, especially since Paul wasn't available Sunday. James grudgingly agreed to the date change, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next call Kendall made was to his boss, Annie. He did this without letting James know his intentions beforehand because he knew James would argue with him. Annie was shocked at Kendall's request for the next five days off work; from his seat next to Kendall on the sofa, James was possibly even more shocked. He hissed, "Kendall!" and tried to snag the phone away from Kendall, who said to Annie, "I'm sorry, could you hold on a moment? Thanks, Annie." After covering up the phone's mic, he turned to James. "Do you want to do this alone? Or do you want me there?"

James looked tortured by the question, his self-hatred apparent in stormy hazel eyes. "I don't want you to ruin your life for us. You already quit school and will probably lose the internship. You can't lose this, too."

"I won't. I never take time off, and Annie knows that if I ask for time off, it's important. Once we get Noah back I can settle into my routine again. But for now, I need to be available to you."

James looked away, blinking back angry tears. Kendall wasn't sure who James was more angry at, himself or Kendall, but it didn't matter. He cleared his throat and spoke into the phone again. "Sorry about that, Annie. It's a family emergency. Carlos can take my shifts, I know he won't mind. You'll just have to cover for a little in the afternoon to make up for that. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. I promise I'll be back Wednesday no matter what. Yeah. Thank you." He hung up and faced James again. "See? Piece of cake."

"You can't tell me she's happy about it. You're the best barista in the place."

"She understands, James."

"And how will you survive without a week's pay? I mean, you can live here and not pay a dime for all I care, but I know you won't be happy with that. You have to contribute or you hate yourself. So what about the money?"

"I get vacation time, you know. One week a year."

"And this is how you want to spend it?"

"Can you think of any better way to spend my time than saving Noah?"

"Ugh, you're so aggravating!"

Kendall's lips quirked up. "Love me anyway?"

"I hate you. But I love you more than my own life, so...I guess it evens out."

"You're welcome." He pecked a quick kiss to James' lips. "I have a lot of phone calls to make, though I can probably just text Carlos that you're okay. He's worried."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm fine."

"You're not, but you're functioning. I promised to call Harvey, too."

"Let me do that. I wanted to thank him anyway. I was in too much shock to say much when he was here, but his presence helped."

"He'll feel better hearing that from you. Then we need to call Logan and update him on everything. Does he know anything about this? That we'll need him to help during the hearing?"

"No, I haven't had a chance to call him about it; he's always working. Can we do that together, though? He'll probably have questions I can't answer."

"Yeah, just put him on speaker. And...I need to call Mom."

"Mom?" James echoed.

"You're probably not up to a family dinner Sunday, are you?"

"Oh. I forgot about that. Noah told me today he was a little scared to meet your mom." James bit his lip. "Guess he doesn't have to worry about that now."

"He's still going to meet her. Eventually." _I hope._ "Do you want me to cancel? And Carlos is worried that you won't have a place for him if Noah...you know."

"Let me think about Sunday. It's not fair to you to miss time with your family just because of me."

"The whole point of us going was just for you. She's dying to meet you, babe."

"And Noah."

"Well yeah, but...you're enough on your own."

James sighed. "Let me think about it," he said again. "As for Carlos, yes of course he still has a place to live. He might even end up with his own room if..." James couldn't speak the words any more than Kendall could.

"Let's not think about that. I'll let Carlos know he's still welcome here. He already gave his notice to the landlord, so he was concerned. Thank you for this. He won't annoy you too much."

"I'm not worried about it. The truth is having him here might keep me from going crazy if...you know."

"Yeah."

"But also it's for you, because I know you won't want to leave me alone too much and if I don't have a roommate you trust, you'd just quit your entire life and never leave my side."

Kendall's jaw dropped. "How dare you!"

"Am I wrong?"

The challenge in James' gaze amused Kendall. James wasn't wrong, though Kendall would never admit it. "So I'm gonna text Carlos, you call Harvey, and then we'll try Logan."

"That's what I thought," James smirked. "He should be getting off work right about now, but with him you never know. Sometimes I think he sleeps there."

"Will he be able to take time off next week for the hearing?"

"He'll make it happen. For something this important? Yeah. He'll be here for me."

"Good," Kendall nodded. "Paul might want to meet with him, too, so...I don't know how we're gonna do that."

"If we have to, we can set something up tomorrow night and just...relay all the information to him. Paul can tell us what we need and you can act in his place to get Logan ready. Right?"

"Uh..." Again, James was putting too much faith in Kendall. "I can try?"

"You can do this, Kendall. And Logan will be less nervous with you anyway."

"Whatever, just...it's better if he meets with Paul, but I guess if he can't, I'll handle it."

"You will," James agreed. He stood up, suddenly restless. "I need coffee."

"I think your nerves are already wound up enough. How about more tea?"

"Fuck that. What I really need are cookies." James' face crumpled. "We didn't get to bake more cookies. We can't take him to the museum. Kendall, he's not gonna help you pick out a car. This fucking sucks!"

It took three seconds for Kendall to get to James, and once there he held tight. "All of that can be put on hold, babe. I'm not going to need a car until at least next week, it can wait. If you want we can bake cookies tomorrow, just the two of us. And then bake more when he comes back."

"I want him back now. It's not the same in here without him. You feel it, right? The...emptiness?"

"I do," Kendall breathed, and in that moment it was a physical ache in his chest. He'd never known he could miss someone so much. "It hurts."

"I'm trying not to think about it, trying to focus on the plan to get him back instead, but...everywhere I look, I see him. This is his home. He belongs here."

"I know."

"Can I call him? Am I allowed to do that at least?"

"I..." Kendall wasn't sure. "I honestly don't know. There was nothing in the paperwork stating you couldn't, so...maybe. You can try. She won't let you talk to him, but maybe you'll get lucky and Pete will answer. He'd at least tell you if Noah's there and safe."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do that." James pushed away from Kendall to find his phone. "I can't stand not knowing if he's okay."

"Try it. She could use it against you at the hearing, but it won't go far. All it does is prove you care about him, which works in your favor."

Kendall whipped out his own phone to text Carlos, listening closely once James put the phone to his ear. He saw the relief on James' face and knew Pete must have answered.

"Pete, hi, I'm sorry to bother you, this is...it's James. I just need to know he arrived safely."

Pete probably wouldn't be able to pick up on it, but Kendall heard the waver hidden behind the strength in James' voice; he was barely hanging on.

"Sure. Thanks."

After sending the text he'd composed telling Carlos that James was fine and still needed a roommate, Kendall waited for more from James. When there was nothing, he asked, "What's going on?"

"He's taking the call out back. I think he doesn't want her to know it's me."

Thank God for Pete. Kendall sighed and moved into the kitchen, opening cupboards in search of James' emergency stash of junk food. Or maybe he'd been referring to the snacks in his nightstand?

"No, it's okay. I appreciate you talking to me. Is Noah okay?" Pause. "Right. Oh, he already had dinner, but it was early so he'll probably be hungry again before bed. Crap, I need to call the school. I just realized that. Yeah?" A smile widened James' mouth. "He was really proud of that. I did see it, he used a baseball for you." Whatever Pete said next had James swallowing hard. "He's a great kid. Listen, I might as well warn you that I'm going to try to get him back. I don't mean to make things hard on you or take away your grandson, but—" James' eyes widened, his gaze moving to Kendall in shock. "Oh. That's...thank you, Pete. I'm sorry it's come to this, if I'd known about Noah sooner we wouldn't be where we are. The truth is Noah talks about you a lot and really loves you, and if he comes back to me I have no issue with you visiting him. I mean it. Yeah, that was supposed to be Saturday. I know he was, he couldn't stop talking about it. Oh, he did?" James again looked at Kendall, who had managed to locate a package of brownies and a box of cookies. "Scampers, right. Yeah, I'll let him know. Tell Noah thank you for that, his friend will be happy to hear it."

Kendall's heart jolted. _Scampers?_

"Okay, I won't keep you. I'll see you at the hearing. And Pete? Thank you. I know you guys blame me for what happened to Shannon, but it means a lot that you don't—oh. Well, that's...thanks. Okay. Please protect him. Yeah. Goodnight." James hung up the call and let out a massive breath. "Holy shit."

Kendall dropped the brownies to the counter and moved out of the kitchen toward James. "What was that about? Did you say Scampers?"

"Yeah, he said...wow, a lot of things. _A lot_ of things. I need to process all of this. Kendall, grab me some lemonade. And...oh, you found the brownies. Bring those over, too. I need to sit down."

Once they were settled at the dining room table with snacks and drinks, Kendall demanded, "Spill. He's okay?"

"Yeah, he was in the bath when I called. That's why I got lucky, she's in there with him. Pete said Noah was happy to see him and while the bitch was putting away all his stuff, Noah gushed about everything. He told Pete about the collage. He made it clear he wanted to live here, but also that he missed Pete. And apparently he told Pete to let me know if we talked that he had a message for his friend."

"His friend?"

"Yep. His _best_ friend. The message was 'Tell my best friend that I left Scampers so he wouldn't be alone.'"

"Oh my god." Kendall rubbed a hand over his face. "I forgot I brought that owl with me. It's in his room right now, to watch over him along with the lion."

"Well, he left it for you."

"I love that kid so much."

"Same." James bit into a brownie, then gobbled down another bite. "I'm so fucking hungry all of a sudden. This hits the spot."

"Stop stuffing your face and tell me what else he said!"

"Okay, okay, relax. I can't...I'm still not sure I heard right, it's kind of..."

"What?"

"He said things I never expected. He doesn't blame me for Shannon's death."

"She does, though, I'm sure."

"Definitely. But he doesn't. Kendall, he said that he's never seen Noah so happy and full of life. He said that he thinks the best place for Noah is right here."

Kendall's mouth fell open. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm shocked, because I figured he believed like she does. That I'm still on drugs and...all that other stuff. But if he did, he wouldn't have said that, right?"

"No. He wouldn't have said that. He can probably tell just from talking to you and from what Noah says that you're not the same kid you were six years ago. Plus he talked to you at Paul's office that day."

"I guess. But what does this mean? Him saying all that doesn't really help us, does it? Not unless he says the same thing in front of a judge. And he won't. He's a nice man, but a coward."

"Yeah. We're still gonna tell Paul he said that."

"Yeah, for sure. And he's gonna try to have Noah call me every day, just to check in. Because apparently Noah's worried about me."

"Which we knew," Kendall smiled.

James chuckled. "He said it's safer if they call me because he can sneak it without her knowing."

"Okay, yeah, Paul is definitely hearing about all of this. If even Noah's grandfather is on your side, that says a lot."

"I know. I really wanted to talk to Noah, but I knew that wasn't gonna happen. I feel better with Pete there, though. He won't defy her, but I really got the feeling he'd keep Noah safe. What more can I ask?"

"For him to say all of this stuff to a judge. Can you work on him, James? Do you think he'd ever do it?"

"I don't know. Not willingly. But...I guess we'll see. We'll let Paul decide how to handle it. Fuck, I miss him so much. I was even excited about the next story in the book, had it all planned out how I was gonna do the voice of the sea witch."

Kendall's heart melted. "You can read it to me, if you want. I enjoy it just as much as he does, you know."

"I know you do," James grinned. "And the fact that I'm smiling right now...who would've thought that was possible after having my son ripped out of my home?"

"It's because you have hope. We're gonna do this, James. But we need Logan's help."

"Logan. Right. I forgot, we need to call him. I gotta pee first, though, I drank too much water. Hang on. Oh, and I'll call Harvey really quick."

Kendall was left in near silence, mind going to the little boy who'd made sure to leave behind a toy so that Kendall wouldn't "be alone." Despair crept around the edges, the fear that he'd never see Noah again making it hard to breathe. He tried to hold on to the hope he kept telling James not to lose, but it was difficult. Even a slight chance that the witch would win was too much.

He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer, begging God for a second chance to be a father to the child who looked up to him as a hero. All he wanted was for his new family to stay together.

* * *

"Yes, I'm still going to help Sunday. And I'm still going to the museum Saturday. Stop annoying me."

Logan's greeting was bittersweet, as it reminded them that the museum trip wouldn't be happening. Kendall reached across the table for James' hand and squeezed it.

"Warning you now that you're on speaker and Kendall's here, so be careful what you say about Carlos. Also..." When he hesitated, Kendall gave another squeeze. "Museum's canceled."

"What? No way, I already told them I won't be available Saturday. Is Noah sick or something? You said he was excited to go."

James looked down at the table. Kendall took over. "Logan, this is Kendall. Noah's...he's with his grandparents until next week. Sherry filed a petition for custody and the hearing for that is next week. Scheduled for Monday, but James' lawyer is trying to get it changed to Tuesday. We need your help."

Silence from the phone between them underscored Logan's shock.

"Logan?" Kendall tried.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm here, I just...she took him? Just like that?"

"The bitch made up a bunch of lies about me," James spat. "A judge believed them. Fucking cops came and took him away, Logan."

"Oh my god. James. I'm so sorry. I can't believe...no, actually I can," Logan sighed. "This is typical Sherry behavior."

"Right? I don't know why I was so surprised. I didn't even know that was an option, I thought we'd have a hearing first or something."

"Leave it to Sherry to find a way around the law and get her way."

Kendall jumped on that. "Comments like that are exactly why we need you, Logan. Is there any way you can meet with the attorney tomorrow? We have a meeting planned for nine."

"Me? What can I do? I'm just a friend of the parent."

"You're a friend of both parents, and you witnessed a lot of this sort of behavior growing up. We need you to back James up on this, that the woman is detrimental to the development of a child."

"Seriously? You think an attorney is going to care what I say?"

James rolled his eyes. "Logan, you were there for all of it. You know how miserable Shannon was. I refuse to let her do the same thing to my son and I need you to help me get him back. I need you to tell a judge everything you remember about that time. Things Shannon told you. Things you witnessed. Are you gonna help me or not?"

"Well...yeah, of course, it's not...I mean, what sort of questions will they ask me? They won't ask about Shannon, right?"

James stared at Kendall in disbelief. The thought was clear on his face: _Logan is the smartest person I know, but he can't grasp this concept?_ "Dude, are you not listening? Yes they're gonna ask about Shannon! Probably about Pete as well. I'm going to make it clear that Sherry is dangerous to Noah in her own way, and you're gonna help me with that. Why is this so hard?"

"James, I..."

"You what? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't tell me nothing, I know you. Are you just nervous about appearing before a judge?"

"Maybe? I'm not comfortable talking about myself, you know that."

"You're not gonna be talking about yourself! Jesus Christ, Logan, I need my son back! I'm not asking for much, why won't you help me?"

"Babe, calm down," Kendall said gently. "Can I say something?"

"Whatever." James flung a hand out before standing and storming into the kitchen.

"Logan?"

"Yeah. Look, it's not that I don't want to help James, he's my best friend and I'd do anything for him."

"I know you would. And I get that it's scary going before a judge. But think of Noah. That kid was so excited to see you this weekend, he couldn't wait to be with you at a space museum. He wants to know everything you can teach him and...with her, he's not going to get the chance. He probably won't even leave the house. Do this for James, but do it for Noah, too. They need you."

Logan sighed heavily. "What exactly do I have to do? I don't know if I can get a Monday off. Or a Tuesday."

"Even just a few hours? We can narrow it down to a window of maybe two hours, if that helps."

"Where? Here or in their city?"

"Oh. Damn, probably theirs. Yeah, now that I think about it, it was theirs."

"So that adds on another hour minimum away from work."

James exploded from the kitchen, where he was rinsing dishes in an effort to calm down. "So fucking what? I know your job is important but this is my kid we're talking about! My life! I'm asking for three hours out of your life. If you can't get out of work tomorrow, fine. You can come over here after and we'll tell you everything you need to know. But Logan, please." The fire fizzled quickly to be replaced with sadness in James' voice. "I need you. _Shannon_ needs you. We can't do this without you, man."

It was probably the tears he heard through the phone that did the trick. "Okay," Logan said softly. "Alright. I can't do tomorrow, I'm sorry. But give me a window for Monday or Tuesday, and give me that as soon as you can. I'll be there."

"We'll let you know before noon tomorrow, Logan," Kendall promised. "And if you _can_ come by in the evening, that would be best."

James sniffled before calling out, "I'll make French toast for dinner. And that sausage you love."

Kendall was confused, but Logan's answer explained it all. "Damn you, you know I can't resist that."

"Yep," James replied. "And by the way, Carlos might be here. We have some things to discuss with him about the case, too, and it's easier to just do it all at once."

"James, come on."

"Cinnamon French toast. Apple sausage. Fried potatoes."

"I hate you. Fine, I should be there by seven. If it's any later, I'll call you."

"Just don't call to cancel. I mean it, Logan, I really can't do this without you."

"I know. I'll be there."

"Thanks, buddy."

"Thank you, Logan," Kendall added. "We'll have a better idea tomorrow what we need from you."

"Yeah, just...nevermind. I gotta go."

He hung up before they could answer. Kendall raised an eyebrow at James. "That was much harder than I expected it to be."

"No shit." James dried his hands on a towel before starting the dishwasher. "What the hell, Kendall? How could he even hesitate? I wouldn't in his position."

"Well, Logan's a different person. You said he has anxiety issues, right?"

"He just gets nervous around guys trying to hook up with him. I never imagined a judge would have him shitting his pants like that."

"He'll be fine. Paul will coach him and tell him what he needs to—" A buzzing from the phone in front of Kendall caught his attention. The words that popped up on the screen made him whisper, "Oh shit."

"What?"

"Babe? You need to call your mom."

"My mom? She is the last thing I need right now."

"Well, if you don't call her, she'll be calling you." Kendall tossed James his phone, and when James read the message he groaned.

" _Why did I have to find out from the county courthouse that I have a grandchild? YOU'D BETTER CALL ME ASAP."_

"Shit. This was not how I wanted to break the news to Mom. Wait, this doesn't make sense. The courthouse?"

"I forgot about that. In most counties the grandparents are sent a copy of the petition when custody is at stake. They probably had that served to her tonight."

"But why?"

"Because it involves the welfare of their grandchildren. It's standard procedure."

"Fuck me, I'm so not ready to have this conversation tonight. I can barely function on my own."

"She deserves to know, James. Do you want me to call her?"

"No, she doesn't know about you, either. I just...I never got around to...I mean..."

Seeing that James was stumbling over his words, Kendall shook his head. "It's fine, I'm not taking it personally."

"It's not you, it's her. If you knew her, you'd understand. She's so..." James braced himself with a deep breath and continued, "Well, you'll understand after this call." He took the chair next to Kendall this time and placed the call after setting a hand on Kendall's thigh. "I'm so tired. It's hitting me now, I'm so damn exhausted."

"We'll keep this short, then."

"So you think you can hide a grandson from me and I'm not ever going to find out?" was the outraged greeting that came over the speaker.

"Mom, no. By the way, hi to you, too. How are you?"

"Don't try to distract me. James Isaac Diamond, how could you not even tell me you have a son? Are you that ashamed of me?"

"I'm not ashamed of you, quit making this about yourself. I just found out like a week ago that I'm a dad. It's been crazy, there's a lot going on, and I had other things on my mind."

"Bullshit, you were afraid to tell me."

"Okay, yeah. Maybe a little. Because I knew you'd act like this."

"Like what? Hurt that you're hiding something so important from me?"

"I'm not trying to hide anything! I brought him home with me last week. His mother died. That's how I found out about him."

"I saw the surname on that petition, James. You had a baby with Shannon?"

"Apparently."

"When did you even sleep with her? I thought you were gay back then, too."

"I was! It's a long story, it happened one time and then I never spoke to her again. Her mom wouldn't let me see her, wouldn't even tell me where she was. Now I know why, but back then I thought it was just her being a bitch like always and trying to keep me away from Shannon."

"Does Logan know about this?"

"Yes, Mom, of course."

"But you couldn't even tell me."

"I was getting around to it!"

"Can I talk to my grandson? Or did you lie and say I don't exist?"

"Jesus fucking..." James laid his head on his hand, fighting for calm. "Mother. Listen to me. He's not here because that bitch had him taken away and the only way I can get him back is to win custody at a hearing next week."

"Taken away?"

"Yes. She got a judge to sign off on some emergency custody thing, so they came and took him tonight. He's with them now, where he's been for the past five years, and I just...Mom, they took my baby from me."

Kendall's arm slid across James' shoulders; James' head fell onto Kendall's chest.

"Oh, baby," his mother sighed. Her tone had changed. "Are you okay? I can be there in thirty minutes. Twenty if I speed."

"I'm okay," James answered. He wasn't, not really, but Kendall let the comment stand. "I'm not alone."

"Is Logan there?"

"No. My boyfriend is. I have an actual boyfriend now."

"A real one? Not just one of your random men that you shack up with?"

"A real one, Mom," James replied through gritted teeth. "And I never shacked up with any of them."

"Does he know you have a child?"

"Yes. He's helping me get Noah back."

"Helping you? What is he, a lawyer?" she joked.

"Almost. Just a few more years of law school and he will be." James snuggled deeper into Kendall, who wrapped both arms around him.

"You're serious? You're dating a lawyer?"

"Yep. And Noah loves him. He's moving in here soon."

"Noah or this...boyfriend?"

"Both, hopefully. His name is Kendall. Maybe one day if you behave, I'll let you meet him."

"Oh, I'll meet him Monday at the hearing."

James sat up straight, eyes wide. "What? You're coming?"

"Of course I am. You need me."

"But you have work. You never miss work."

"You think my son and grandchild aren't worth missing work over?"

"I never have been before, Mom."

"Don't act like I was a neglectful parent. I took care of you."

"When you weren't working."

"Okay, well it's never too late, right? Maybe I learned my lesson with you, James. Maybe I woke up one day and realized I'd missed out on too many years of your life. Am I allowed to do that? Am I allowed to change and be a better person?"

James blinked slowly. "I...don't even know how to answer that."

"Say yes. I know it's too late with you, I've burned my bridges. But I have a second chance with a grandchild and I'm not going to waste it. We'll get that boy back, and I'll be the best grandmother he could possibly have."

"Wow. I didn't even know you had that in you."

"I'm full of surprises. Though springing a five-year-old grandson on me, that's hard to top. I'll be there Monday."

Kendall nudged James and whispered, "Tuesday."

"Oh, Mom, we might change the hearing to Tuesday. I'll let you know. Sorry if that doesn't work for you."

"Tell me if anything changes. Otherwise I'll be there at the date and time appointed on this paperwork I was served with. Anything else I should know about? Is Logan hiding a baby from me, too?"

"Oh my god, Mom, he hasn't even been with a chick. Ever."

"That doesn't mean anything. He could adopt."

"This is Logan we're talking about. He's afraid to open his mouth to anyone that might actually want to do that with him. I'm working on him, though."

"Good. He's a good boy and deserves a good...man, I guess. If you're not having a nervous breakdown, I'm going to let you go, baby. Are you?"

"No." After a second he added, "I was. Earlier. Kendall helped me through it."

"Kendall. I need to meet this Kendall."

"Not until I'm convinced you won't scare him away."

"Watch yourself, young man."

James rolled his eyes much the same way he had while conversing with Logan. "I'll let you know about the hearing. And um...Mom?"

"Yes, darling?"

"You uh...you didn't. Burn your bridges. Anytime you want to be part of my life again...you know where I am."

Her voice was softer when she replied. "I'll see you next week, baby. Call me if you need me."

"Thanks, Mom."

Kendall removed the phone from James' hand and set it on the table, then devoted his attention to the body that was shaking in his arms. James had finally broken down, whether over his mother or Noah or just everything, and Kendall held him without words. Kisses to his hair said what needed to be said; hands rubbing his arms did the same.

Minutes passed before James whispered, "I'm tired. I'm so tired. Take me to bed."

Emotional exhaustion had set in so much that Kendall didn't even trust James to walk himself down the hall. He swept James off his feet and carried him to the bedroom. Together they undressed him, and once he was settled under blankets Kendall held him until he fell into unconsciousness.

Only then did Kendall allow himself to move. He was numb, not willing to let the fear and sadness get a grip on him. He moved through the apartment and turned off the lights, halting when he spied the board game that was still set up on the carpet in the living room. The sight of that was just going to upset James further as it was a reminder that Noah was gone. Kendall bent down to put the game away, then stopped. There was a red plastic gingerbread man occupying a blue square, and ahead of that a green one holding court on a yellow square next to a bridge.

 _Gumdrop Pass._

How many times had he played this stupid game with Katie as a kid? How many times had he let her win, at least until she caught on and yelled at him for it? He remembered being annoyed that Katie always chose this game; couldn't she try something more exciting, like Battleship or even Sorry? But no, this had been Katie's favorite for years, and Kendall had played with her because that's what you did with kids. You did what made them happy.

And suddenly Kendall had the ridiculous thought that to put the game away would somehow affect the outcome of the hearing. James and Noah had unfinished business. This game was a physical representation of that. So he'd leave it and not touch any of the pieces, because Noah would be back to take his turn next. Kendall believed that.

He had to.

Turning away from the board, Kendall saw that Noah's bedroom light was still on. He followed the glow and placed his hand on the switch, intending to turn the light off, but instead he was compelled to look around the room, which now seemed so empty and cold. Half of Noah's books were gone from the shelf. The closet door stood open. He'd made his bed that morning, just as James had taught him (though James didn't even make his own bed), and the colorful backpack they'd purchased for Noah sat forgotten on the floor near his desk. It wasn't like he'd be needing it at his grandparents' house, not if he couldn't even go to school.

Kendall sighed and moved into the room. He slid the closet door closed, then picked up the backpack and set it on the desk. He opened a drawer on the right, the "liberry" drawer, and sure enough, there were the three books Noah had checked out at school the day before. Kendall sank into the chair and pulled one out to run a hand over the crinkly plastic covering the book. He remembered Noah reading it to him before dinner, and how had that been only hours earlier? It felt like years.

A choked sob worked its way up Kendall's throat and he clutched the book to his chest. He couldn't fight the tears anymore. His life would never be the same after this, should Noah not come back. He'd discovered what it felt like to be a father, what it should feel like (even at the minimal level of stepfather he'd had a taste of), and it was a feeling he never wanted to live without again.

After giving in to the pain for a time he pulled the other two books out and set them all next to the backpack; they'd take them in tomorrow when they dropped by the school to explain Noah's absence. He stared across the room at the bed, gaze falling on the stuffed owl Noah had picked out at the zoo as a friend for Kendall.

"I miss you, buddy. I miss you so much."

Suddenly the need to hold Scampers became impossible to fight. Kendall shut off the light and reclined on the bed, holding the toy in his arms and cuddling it tight. The glow from the nightlight lit up the room enough for Kendall to take one last look around it, and that was when he noticed what was missing.

Noah had taken the lion with him. The one he'd made James buy to watch over him in his sleep.

The one he'd named Kendall.

His heart ripped to shreds, Kendall cried into the faux fur of a stuffed owl and eventually drifted into a troubled sleep in the bed he'd put together for a stepson he might never see again.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N—Lots of writing done over the past few days! :D Yay! Most of this chapter is another meeting with Paul to see where they stand. Hope you enjoy!

Also a reminder that my legal knowledge is based off of books/movies/minimal research. Hopefully that doesn't detract from the story. And I'm sorry the chapters are so long! A lot to cover.

* * *

A light touch to his face was enough to get Kendall's eyelids fluttering open, albeit slowly; they felt gritty and swollen after his earlier breakdown. In the soft glow from the moon nightlight, he could make out James staring down at him in concern. James' hair was disheveled, his own eyes puffy and pink. Fingers carded through Kendall's bangs to sweep them away before James said, "Hey."

Kendall blinked a few times, his neck sore from the position he'd fallen asleep in. "Hey," he answered roughly.

"Woke up and couldn't find you. I was worried."

"Yeah, I...sorry. Didn't mean to fall asleep in here, I just..."

"I know," James nodded, those fingers continuing to work magic in Kendall's hair as they soothed him. He glanced down at Scampers, who was still secure in Kendall's arms. "And I know this is just as hard on you. Don't think I'm not aware of that."

"He's _your_ son, James."

"Yes, but now that I've calmed down enough to think straight, I know you're blaming yourself for this. It's not your fault."

Kendall's eyes fell shut. "Isn't it?"

"Of course not. She caused this. Not you."

"But I didn't see it coming. I'm supposed to know all this stuff, supposed to be ready. I told you both we were safe until a hearing. Because of me, you were devastated."

"We would've been anyway, Kendall. And my point here is that it isn't just us; you're devastated as well. He may be my kid, but we both know the end goal here is for him to be yours, too. You love him just like I do."

Tears rimmed Kendall's eyes. "I just keep thinking about how scared he must be. How disappointed he is in me. He thought I could save him. He told me to do magic, James. To make it all better. And I couldn't."

"Stop that, babe," James whispered, then motioned for Kendall to scoot closer to the wall. When he did, James reclined next to him and pulled him in to hold tight, Scampers smooshed in between them. "Is there something I could've done to stop this? Something I did wrong?"

"No, of course not. You were doing your best and you were doing a damn good job with him."

"I still think I could do better, and if I get the chance I will. But my first instinct was to blame myself, to wonder what I could've done differently. Like I'd messed it all up. But you're saying I didn't."

"You didn't." James' fingers were in Kendall's hair again, rhythmically rubbing his scalp. It helped Kendall to relax. "I swear."

"Then that means you didn't, either. Yeah, a heads up that this was a possibility might've helped prepare me a little better. But then again, maybe not. Because no matter what, it would've felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. And if I'd known ahead of time, I might've...I don't know. Been even more paranoid. On edge. Taken it out on Noah and become the type of parent she is, smothering him and trying to keep him from the outside world. So...stop blaming yourself." Kendall said nothing to that, prompting James to kiss his forehead. "It's okay to miss him. I know you try to be the strong one, but it's okay to fall apart if you need to. That's what I'm here for."

"You shouldn't be worrying about me. You've got enough going on."

"Which you're helping me deal with. Why can't I help you, too?"

It made sense. He'd been what James needed him to be in the immediate aftermath. He'd done his duty. And then he'd left to fall apart alone, to deal with everything on his own because he'd never really known anything different; when his father left, it had been up to Kendall to be the strong one. His mother had never expected that of him or asked for it, but Kendall's concern was to take care of her and Katie. For Katie's sake especially, he'd never let it show that he was hurting. He'd been the rock she needed. "I miss him," Kendall admitted now, not fighting the tears that were thickening his voice. "I'm afraid I'll never see him again. You will, I can guarantee that, James. I promise. But me..." A sob choked out, making James squeeze him tighter.

"I won't keep him from you. Even if I don't have custody, I'll find a way."

"It might not be up to you. And that's what scares me. He took the lion with him."

"I know, babe. I saw him carry it out. They had his suitcase, but he wouldn't let them touch the lion."

"He named it after me. He said...he said he wanted it by his bed to keep him safe. And he took it with him."

James' lips touched Kendall's forehead again. "Because you make him feel safe."

"For how long? If you don't get him back, there goes all his faith in me. And...I can't stand the thought of losing that, of losing what I've built with him. He's...you both have become my whole world, I know it's only been like a week and that's crazy to think about, but it's true. I don't know how to just...forget him. And move on like he wasn't special to me."

"Hey, you promised me. Even if I don't get him back, you're not leaving me."

"I know, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying that it's going to be really hard to like...hear about him but never see him. Yet at the same time, I _want_ to hear about him. I want to hear everything. Because even if I can't be there..."

Kendall couldn't finish, this time breaking down so much he lost the ability to speak. James held him through it, his own eyes leaking but he remained calm. "I love you," he finally said.

Kendall nodded, starting to gain control.

"And so does he. That's not going to change."

"He'll forget about me. Give it a few years and I'll just be 'that guy his dad's dating' and nothing more. I can't stand the thought of that, James."

"Then we won't let it happen. We're going to win this, Kendall."

"That's my line."

"Then start believing it. You believed it earlier. Or were you just lying to make me feel better?"

"No," Kendall sighed. "I believed it. And then I came in here and it all hit me, and...we can't lose him."

"I know." James plucked the stuffed owl from Kendall's arms and tossed it toward the foot of the bed, then closed the space between them. "I can't think about this anymore tonight. I miss him so much that I'm about to lose my mind. So let's just..." He leaned in to kiss Kendall gently, then laid his head down on the pillow. Kendall scooted in as close as he could, snuggling into James' body.

"I feel closer to him here."

"Me, too," James nodded. "I set an alarm, so just relax. Let's try to sleep so we can function tomorrow."

Kendall lifted his head and spied James' phone on the desk next to the backpack. "Don't let me forget to take his books with me when we leave. I promised I'd turn them in to the library."

"Okay. I called my boss. Told him I might need more than another week off."

"Shit, James. Are you gonna get fired?"

"No. Like you, I never take time off. He wasn't thrilled, but...you know. I explained the situation. He's got kids of his own, he gets it."

Kendall sighed deeply. "Okay. We'll stop by the school after we meet with Paul."

"Yeah."

Kendall closed his eyes, trying to relax. It was easier with James near. "I've never had anyone take care of me before. Not since...you know. I mean, Mom did, but it wasn't...it's hard to explain."

"I get it. I've pretty much been taking care of myself since I was like eight. Logan and Shannon looked after me, but..."

"Yeah. It's...nice. Knowing I can lean on you."

"We lean on each other. I'm not gonna lie, I really needed you to be my sanity earlier tonight. I wouldn't have survived that without you."

With a smile, Kendall pressed a kiss to James' lips.

"But I can be your sanity, too. Understood?"

"Yes. I love you."

James let out a breath before replying. "I love you, too."

Eventually they made it back to sleep, this time more at peace because they were together.

* * *

This time Paul met them in a conference room to the left of his office. Tracy was present again, a file folder in front of her next to a tall yellow notepad. Both stood to shake hands with James and Kendall before Paul gestured them into chairs across the table and offered coffee with the comment, "We have a lot to cover." As neither had been able to sleep in past sunrise, they accepted the offer and doctored their drinks while bracing themselves.

Paul finally got down to business. "First, let me say that I'm sorry it's come to this, James. I probably should've warned you this was a possibility but it's so rare that—"

"Don't," James interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Kendall said the same thing, and he blames himself, too. This is no one's fault but Sherry's and I'm tired of letting it make me feel like I did something wrong. But what I don't get is that Kendall said she would have to have serious evidence to get a judge to sign off on it, and those accusations are all completely false. So how did she do it?"

"She lied," Paul answered abruptly. "There's really no other way to say it."

Kendall shook his head. "But Paul, that's still not enough. Anyone can say anything but it's not proof. If that's all it takes, then I've been learning the wrong things in class."

"Well, it's a bit more than her just...telling lies. Tracy was down at the courthouse the second they opened this morning, finding out what we couldn't over the phone. She got a copy of the actual petition and all the corroborating evidence and we now have a pretty good idea how this went down. I've already been in contact with Sherry's lawyer. On paper, she has a pretty good case. It's our job to disprove that, and some of it's going to be difficult."

"But what evidence is there?" James wanted to know. Kendall heard his voice change, sensed that anger was closing in. He reached out to take James' hand in his, twining their fingers together and resting their hands on James' thigh.

"I'll let Tracy explain all of that."

All attention swung to her, and she cleared her throat. "Okay, so you know the basic charges, yes? Child endangerment due to drugs on the premises, lewd acts, possible child molestation?"

James shot up out of the chair, and nothing could hold back the outrage now. "Child molestation?! Are you fucking insane?! There is no way in hell a judge could ever believe that because it's not fucking happening!"

"James—" Kendall tried.

"No, I'm not shutting up, what the actual fuck is she trying to say? That I touch my kid in an inappropriate way? Because what, I give him a fucking bath?! Get him dressed in the morning? I swear to God if she—"

"James!" Now Kendall stood, too, stepping between James and the table. "Listen to me. Everyone in this room knows it's not true. There's no reason to yell at anyone here. This is what we're facing and this is what we need to know. We have to let them tell us what we're up against, right? We can't fight back without the proper tools, and knowledge of what the charges are falls under that category. Nobody here is accusing you of anything. Please, babe. I need you calm for this. I can't do this without you."

James deflated, the last sentence being what he needed to hear. Kendall needed him, and that was enough. He sat down slowly, Kendall passing him coffee and wishing they'd thought to stop at Black Forest on the way in so James would have his precious latte to help him through this. "I'm sorry," James mumbled after a sip, then said it again to Tracy in particular. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault. You're just trying to help. I just...the fact that anyone would believe I'm capable of that. With my own son even..."

"I understand," Tracy nodded, unruffled. "Keep in mind that the child molestation and anything of that nature is listed as 'possible.' Which means she had no evidence about it and was just grasping. Normally without evidence, that's not enough to prove anything to a judge. I think what actually tipped the scales is her assertion that drugs and lewd acts are happening in the home."

"But they're not," Kendall reasoned, having taken his seat again. "We can easily disprove the drug thing." He glanced over at James. "Right? Nothing in the past three years at least?"

James' gaze narrowed on Kendall. "I already told you no on that. Why are you doubting me?"

"I'm just making sure. What happened last night would be enough to set someone off, so..."

"You were with me the whole time, Kendall. I don't even keep drugs in the house, when would I have done anything?"

"Hey, I'm just saying. If there's anything we need to know, now's the time to tell us."

James shook his head, anger apparent under the surface again. "I can't believe you don't trust me."

"It's not a matter of trust."

"It is."

Kendall took a deep breath. "James, we can fight about this later. The answer is no, nothing in the past three years, right?"

Rather than answer Kendall directly, James focused on Paul. "I'm clean. How do we prove that?"

"I'm going to send you both for a drug test after this. I have a list of court-approved facilities you can use; there's one two blocks away. They'll return the results to both me and the court, so that's easy to combat. While it might be the most damaging of the accusations, it's the easiest to disprove."

"I still don't understand what evidence she had of drug use," Kendall pointed out.

Tracy offered, "She hired a private detective. He's apparently been keeping tabs on all of you since last Friday."

James and Kendall were both too stunned to speak.

"The drug use is part of what the detective reported back to her," Tracy continued. "Or so she claims. If there's been none of that, we can prove she's a liar and that will actually help our case."

"Of course she's a liar!" James exploded again. As if Kendall was the one accusing him, he turned to say, "I swear, babe, I haven't! I don't care what some stupid detective said, all I've had since taking Noah in is wine. Oh god, please tell me that's not going to ruin this. I'm allowed wine, aren't I?"

"Wine is fine," Paul nodded. "I'm sure the drug test will show that, and as long as it's not at the intoxicated level, you're fine."

"I haven't even had any since..." Panicked, James thought back. "Dinner? Oh babe, I had some while I cooked the fried chicken yesterday. Shit. Shit shit shit, I fucked this up, I'm going to lose him because—"

"No, James. Shhhh." Kendall hugged James to his side, forcing his chin up so they could look at each other. "It's fine. What was it, one glass?"

"Yes, I swear, not more than that!"

"You're fine, babe. That was over twelve hours ago as it is. Any traces are going to be small and it's not a big deal. I promise."

"Swear?"

"Yes. The drug test will clear that argument, especially when we combine it with records from your job. Will your boss hand those over?"

"I'm sure he would. He doesn't want me to lose my kid."

"If not, we can subpoena the records," Paul assured them. "Trust me, this is the easy part. It's the rest of the accusations we need to focus on, because those will be harder to disprove."

"I don't see how," James shrugged, calm returning as he sipped more coffee. "It's not happening, so it's not like she has real evidence. I don't care what that detective says."

Kendall frowned. "Just what _did_ the detective say? What did he see?"

Paul deferred to Tracy again. "There aren't specifics in the petition. All of that will be presented at the actual hearing. But the detective said there was ample evidence that James..." She hesitated with a look at Kendall. "Forgive me for things I might say today. It's not me making accusations, I'm just stating what was in the detective's report."

"I know," Kendall replied slowly, wondering what the hell she might be talking about that would upset him. "Don't hold back. We need to know all of this."

"Okay, well...the detective reported that James has many gentlemen callers to his apartment. You're included in that. He claims that James does his work in the home as well, which is probably where the 'lewd acts' comes in. The detective researched enough to know what James does for a living and said there's evidence that he uh...brings his work home with him."

"That's a lie," James whispered, eyes wide with shock. "I don't, I never have. I mean, yeah, I've taken guys home plenty, but not for work. And not once since Kendall and I started dating. When I do private shows, it's never in my own home. How does he even know this stuff anyway?"

"That's what they do," Paul answered apologetically. "They research, ask questions, follow you around. He must have spoken to people you work with. He knows the names of Kendall, Logan, Jett, and Carlos, so—"

"Wait, Carlos?" Kendall echoed. "What does Carlos have to do with this?"

Tracy supplied, "According to the petition, Carlos is one of James'...men? And he's moving in, which adds to the child endangerment. The detective reported that James intends to leave Noah in the care of Carlos often."

Kendall blinked, trying to keep up. "He is, I mean he does, but...Carlos isn't...it's not like that." Reiterating James' earlier question, he asked, "Seriously, how does the guy know all this stuff?"

"He talked to people," Paul explained again. "And there would be background checks, etc. They also study social media; a lot can be learned from what you post about yourself online. Have you been doing that?" he asked James.

"I don't even use that shit," James replied. "I mean, I have a Facebook thing but I haven't been on it in I don't know how long. Probably since I got this job."

"Is Logan on social media? Has he posted anything with you?"

"Please, Logan has less time for that stuff than I do. I did used to post shit with him, but that was years ago. Wait, you said he knows Logan's name. Is that because of Sherry?"

Tracy shrugged. "Maybe, but he's also listed as a gentleman caller of yours. So Sherry put in the petition that he's among that group. And made it clear all of them are gay."

"Well, shit," James sighed. "So she does know Logan's gay. I didn't think she did."

"Maybe she didn't back then," Kendall pointed out. "But she obviously does now." He rubbed his face. "So...what you're saying is that the people we were going to use to help our case...she used them instead. Against us."

"I'm afraid so," Paul said gravely. "This makes our job twice as hard."

"Fuck!" James yelled, then threw himself back against the chair. "So it's not just Harvey who's being twisted into something bad. It's everything good in my life."

Paul opened his mouth to speak, but Kendall beat him to it. "Oh my god. James. The guy who was asking questions about us. Remember when Harvey said that?"

"Oh shit. And I just assumed it was someone Jett sent." James' hands came up to cover his face. "I'm such an idiot. That had to be the detective."

Kendall nodded. "When was that? It was right after Noah got his shot, so...Tuesday?"

"Yeah. Tuesday. Wait, how long was this guy...did you say _following_?" James dropped his hands and stared at Paul.

"Yes," Paul agreed. "He probably had the Pembroke under surveillance and saw everyone who went into that building."

"But how does he know who's there to see me if Harvey never gave up any info?"

Kendall reasoned, "It would've been easy to stand close enough that he overheard conversations. He's probably a pro at blending in and looking like he's just...nobody. And then he must have followed you or all of us to Black Forest and asked questions there. But I can't imagine anyone talking about me or Carlos like that. They all love us. I'm sure someone would've told us if somebody was asking around."

Paul shook his head. "These guys are pros, Kendall. That's why we use them. They know how to ask in a way that doesn't come off suspicious. Talk to your co-workers, I bet you'll find someone was approached with questions about you or Carlos."

"Okay, but..." They all remained silent while Kendall thought it through. "So...is that what I'm listed as, too? Just another...gentleman caller?"

"Yes," Tracy answered, "but the petition also states that Noah's been in your care often and that you stay over most nights. Which makes the whole...lewd acts thing...she made it sound like there's a lot happening and that it never stops. And alludes that Noah is either watching it or..."

"Oh my god," Kendall groaned, sick to his stomach. "Part of it."

Tracy only nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"Well, she's wrong," James threw out, fire in his eyes. "None of that is true. We've never done anything in front of him, we're always careful about it. We haven't even held hands in front of him!"

"But he's aware that you two are more than friends, yes?" Paul asked. "You did tell me that just yesterday. And if he's asked to explain your role in James' life, Kendall..."

Kendall's eyes fell closed. "I told him not to lie about me. That he doesn't have to hide our friendship. If a lawyer or judge asks about it..."

The room fell silent for a moment, all of them knowing what that would lead to. There was no way to keep Kendall a secret now; that cat was out of the bag in a big way.

"So what does this mean?" James finally asked, most of his fight gone. He looked so beaten down that Kendall laid an arm over his shoulder. "Do we have a chance? Is it just...over?"

"It's not over unless you want it to be," Paul told him. "If you're ready to give up, we can—"

"I'm not giving up. I'll do whatever it takes to get him back."

Kendall squeezed his shoulder, glad to see he hadn't lost all hope. "I agree. I promised Noah we'd find a way, so let's...find a way. We know where we stand now, unless...was there anything else we need to know in that petition, Tracy?"

"Not really, except that the hearing is more of a formality at this point. If the court has heard enough evidence to put through an emergency removal, the judge has made a decision. Unless we can prove that all of her accusations are lies, it's basically a done deal and she keeps him."

"Then let's prove that," Kendall nodded. "They _are_ all lies. Paul? What do we do?"

"We file a counterclaim."

"A counterclaim?" Kendall frowned. "I thought that was only allowed in civil cases."

"It's not technically a counterclaim in this sort of thing, we just file our own petition for custody; but that's what it boils down to. We go into that hearing with the proof that the drugs aren't an issue, and that's step one in proving she's a liar who will go to any lengths to win. And we'll be proactive. We'll do the background checks we were planning to do on you, Carlos, Logan, and even you, James. Just to have in writing that you're a model citizen. Is there anything we need to know about beforehand? Any arrests?"

James swallowed, cheeks turning pink. "There were a few, yeah. Drug possession. But they were all back in high school."

"Anything after you turned eighteen?"

"No. I was sober by then."

"Perfect. She can't use that even if the detective did uncover them. Nothing else in adulthood?"

"Uh...speeding ticket? About two years ago maybe? And a parking ticket downtown once."

Paul waved a hand. "Nothing to worry about. As long as you don't speed with Noah in the car."

"Never," James promised. "I did yesterday, but it was just with Kendall. And it was because I was in a hurry to pick Noah up so we wouldn't be late."

"Nobody needs to know about that, as long as you didn't get pulled over."

"No," Kendall stated. "I made him slow down."

"And no arrests for Carlos or Logan? Or you, Kendall?"

"Nothing for me," Kendall supplied. "Carlos either, as far as I know. Logan?"

James gave up a half-laugh. "Logan, arrested? Hell will freeze over first, that guy is so big on following rules."

Tracy was taking notes as they spoke. "What about this Jett guy? What is he to you, James? Anything we have to worry about? Because he's named in the petition."

"Can I _see_ the petition?" Kendall suddenly asked, and Tracy slid the folder across the table to him. His eyes skimmed the paperwork, which showed not much more than Tracy had already told them, but then a phone was pressed into his hand.

"Here, I couldn't take these out of evidence but I took pictures of them. Just scroll through." Tracy had used her phone to take pictures of photos that were included in the petition, no doubt taken by the detective; Kendall saw James and Noah at what appeared to be the zoo, Noah lugging around the huge lion. Another showed the three of them seated at the diner (Kendall remembered that as the trip where he'd first tried Noah's beloved corndogs). He felt sick to his stomach as he continued to scroll: Noah sitting on his lap at the bookstore, Noah riding his hip as Kendall carried him out of the drugstore, Noah holding his hand while they returned from the grocery store. One even showed him holding Carlos' hand inside Black Forest, from the night they'd met with Paul there and Carlos had taken him into the breakroom. There were a few more of Noah with James, but the majority of them were of Noah with Kendall and it made him nauseous to think his memories of innocent, fun times had been twisted into something disgusting and tainted.

Sensing James trying to peek at the phone, Kendall shoved it back toward Tracy; he'd seen enough and it was only going to upset James more. "Answer the question about Jett," Kendall urged him. "Do we need to worry about him?"

James bit his lip, not sure how to answer that. "He's definitely no one to worry about, since I don't plan for him to be around Noah at all. I work with him. We used to have a thing, but now that I'm with Kendall there's no one else. He might be a bit...bitter about it. God, what if he filled the detective's head with a bunch of shit? He's probably the one who told the guy about you, Kendall. That you spend time alone with Noah."

Kendall shrugged; the pictures proved that more than anything Jett could say. "Nothing we can do about that now. I think as far as Jett, just be honest. Admit that he was a lover and make it clear those days are over. They can't judge you for having boyfriends in the past, especially if you didn't even know about Noah."

"He was never a boyfriend, don't make it sound like that. He's just a guy I work with, and...I guess I thought of him as a friend. I maybe didn't treat him right when all of this went down with you, and I do owe him an explanation. So if he's bitter, I can't really blame him. It's my own fault for the way I shut him out."

"So he's not someone we need a background check on?" Tracy clarified. "Or who might be able to testify to your character?"

The idea was clearly laughable to James. "There's not much Jett could say about me that would be helpful in getting my son back, no."

"Can we still use Carlos and Logan if they've already been painted as 'bad guys'?" Kendall wondered. "Or would anything they say be tainted?"

Paul leaned back to think that over. "They can definitely help us, Logan especially. We still have the task of proving she's damaging to Noah ahead of us. We have to discredit her."

"She'll still have the detective's report in her corner, though," Kendall sighed. "And he's impartial, right? We can prove that she's a monster, but she'll still have that as a back-up."

Paul reminded him, "That won't do her any good if we can prove it's all lies."

James spoke up. "How do we do that, Paul? How do we prove that nothing weird is going on inside the apartment? And what if Kendall's right and we get a homophobic judge? Nothing we say is going to help in that case."

"Then we lose and try again with another judge. At another time."

"And I just live without my kid in the meantime?"

This time Paul didn't reply, knowing he had nothing to say that would make it better. Kendall went back to James' first question. "We can't really prove anything as far as what goes on in that apartment. All we can do is tell the truth under oath and hope the judge believes us over her."

James glared at Kendall. "That's not very reassuring."

"It's the truth."

"So then what hope do we have?"

Paul offered James a tiny smile. "There's always hope, James. We have to make sure the judge does believe us over her. The first step in that is showing that the drug use is a lie. That discredits both her and the detective's report. It's enough to introduce doubt. Then we go about showing she's a bad influence on Noah, in her own way. That's where Logan comes in. Then we show that you have a plan in place for Noah as far as childcare. And that's Carlos."

Kendall frowned. "That might not work now."

"It's what we've got," Paul pointed out. "If the court makes another suggestion, we go with it. For example, let's say the judge agrees to give James custody with stipulations. James has to be willing to make those changes."

"What sort of changes?" James asked suspiciously.

"Your job, maybe. If you quit that job, then there's no child endangerment as far as 'bringing your work home with you.' And you can get one with hours that are more...standard. If the judge isn't comfortable with Carlos taking care of Noah, you offer to take him to state-licensed childcare when you have to work. That sort of thing. The bottom line here, James, is that you stand the best chance of getting Noah back if you go in with the attitude of 'Tell me what to do and I'll do it.' That's what a judge wants to see, that you're clean and sober and willing to put the child's needs above your own."

Nobody spoke while James digested all of that. "So...you're saying I have to give up the dancing? And...other things?"

"Not necessarily. I'm saying you have to be _willing_ to do it. Because it might come to that. If we go in with you offering to do all of that, it improves your chances for custody. And that's what our petition will show."

Again James was silent, his throat working before he said to Kendall, "I know what you're thinking."

Kendall blinked against burning tears, but nodded. "Then you know I'm right."

James licked his lips; Kendall could see he was working hard to keep himself together. "I don't want it to be a choice. I shouldn't have to choose."

"No, you shouldn't." Tears had fallen now, dripping down Kendall's cheeks. "But if that's what it takes..."

James could hardly breathe. "Would I still see you, at least? I mean...I don't have to give you up completely, right?"

Kendall's voice shook as he answered. "Not as often. And probably without Noah. We could maybe do like...one date night a week or something."

"That's not enough."

It wasn't enough for Kendall, either. "It might be the best we can do. What matters here is Noah and you. You're the family and you need to be together."

"You're part of us. You _know_ that."

"The court doesn't know that. And it's probably better that way. The judge will see that your focus is on Noah and not anyone else. No one to distract you from being a good father."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm a _better_ father with you around."

"Well, they don't know that. He's all that matters right now, James. Not us. Do whatever you have to. Get him back."

James finally looked at Kendall, his face falling when he saw the tear tracks. He lifted a hand to wipe them away, using his thumb to caress Kendall's cheeks. "This isn't the end for us. I'm not just gonna let you go. One day she won't be a problem and I can have the life I want. The life we _all_ want. Because Noah won't be happy without you there, either."

The truth behind that both reassured and pained Kendall. He closed his eyes and hugged James to him. "I love you. That's not gonna change. But if it will help get him back, I'll give you up. We can talk on the phone and you guys can come visit me at work maybe, but...I can't _be_ there. You know?"

"I know," James choked out. "I finally get you to agree to move in and now I have to say no."

A voice came from across the table. "Maybe."

They both looked at Paul, whose comment had surprised them.

"Remember, these aren't changes he'll have to make for sure. Just things we can put on the table to show he's all in. James, are you willing to change jobs if you have to?"

James cleared his throat and sat up straighter, trying to clear his head. "I don't know what else I'd do. I've always wanted to go to culinary school, but that's not a job. And I have to show I'm financially responsible, right?"

"You would," Paul nodded.

"So I guess if I had to I could get a different job. I don't know what else I'm good at, though."

"We're always hiring," Kendall hinted.

James shifted sideways in the chair. "What, at Black Forest?"

"Why not? All the free lattes you want."

"Kendall, I'd be a disaster behind the counter. And can you imagine me working with Corey? He'd probably quit on the spot."

Kendall's lips twisted in amusement. "Well, you'd certainly be a lot nicer to stare at all day. I'm sure it's nothing near what you're used to making, but it's a job with steady pay. And uh...you know. We'd still get to see each other."

"Oh." James liked that idea. "I guess that's true. You know I wouldn't do well in customer service, though."

"We'd keep you off the register. You could learn how to make your own lattes."

"I'd never be as good as you," James chuckled. "But...it's an idea. So then, yes, Paul. The thought of giving up the dancing really scares me because it's good money and something I know I do well, but...for Noah, I'd give it up. What was next on that list?"

"State-licensed childcare."

"Which means I just have to find a place approved by the state?"

"Yes. There are plenty of people who run daycare out of their own homes, too. So it's not like you'd have to only send him there during the day, if your job requires you to work nights. Many childcare givers work all hours."

"But it would basically be a stranger."

"Only at first," Paul pointed out. "And if they're licensed by the state, they've passed background checks and operate in an environment safe for children."

"Noah wouldn't like that," James sighed. "Or...maybe he would. He seems to like being around other kids. I just...it sucks because I trust Carlos, and Noah likes Carlos." Before Kendall could ask, James said, "Wait, would that mean Carlos can't live with me either? Would that keep me from winning?"

"It could go either way," Paul answered. "If you can prove that there's nothing physical between you and Carlos, it might not be an issue."

Kendall groaned in frustration. "But she's already insinuated that there is. So he has to be willing to give up Carlos, too."

"No, Kendall, he can still live with me," James argued. "I promised him."

"He'll understand, James. He can crash with me until he finds something else. If it comes to that. So don't worry about him. Would it be best to not even mention the idea of Carlos taking care of Noah, Paul? Since we're going in saying we'll do whatever they want?"

"I think if we can discredit her enough, we can use Carlos to show that James has a plan in place. But also make it clear he'll change that plan if the judge advises it. And we'll need to agree to unannounced visits from social services."

"No!" James yelled, making them all jump. "That's never happening again, no one is coming into my home and taking my son from me!"

"No, babe," Kendall soothed. "That's not what he means. A social worker will randomly show up and check up on you and Noah. Make sure things are good and probably talk to Noah to gauge his well-being. Like what you thought last night was, at first."

"Oh." James relaxed and said, "Yeah, that's totally fine. Let them come in and see what's going on. I have nothing to hide."

"And you might have to submit to random drug testing as well," Paul added.

"Fine. I'll even stop drinking the wine if I have to, I don't care. I just want Noah home with me."

Paul nodded. "And that's why I think there's hope. A judge will see that. You might need to control your outbursts when it comes to anger, James, but the other side of that coin is that a judge will have no doubt about your feelings. He'll know how deeply you care about your son."

"Ha. So my anger issues might actually help me?" James smirked with a glance at Kendall.

"Not the anger issues, no," Paul chuckled. "Your thoughts are clear on your face when it comes to Kendall and Noah, though. Your love for them is genuine."

James leaned over to rest his head on Kendall's shoulder. "No question of that. I just never thought I'd have to give up one to keep the other. Is Kendall right? Is that a possibility?"

"You can date who you want. What matters is what Noah's exposed to. So if need be, you have to be willing to keep Noah away from Kendall."

The notion clearly caused James physical pain. "But Paul, he's the best thing in Noah's life. Just ask the kid, he'll tell you himself."

"I'm sorry, James. Very few judges would see it that way."

James nodded, burrowing his face into Kendall's neck as if to let go would make it official. From that point talk turned to what they needed from Logan and Carlos, and how Pete might help them, but James refused to move away from Kendall until they stood to leave.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N—And we're back. I was planning to get more written before posting, but I was in a posting mood so here you go. This chapter picks up where the last one left off, after the meeting with Paul and Tracy.

Thanks so much for reading! :D

* * *

Once in the car, James laid his head against the steering wheel. Kendall rested a hand on his back, rubbing gently. "You okay?"

"No. I went in there thinking we had a chance. Now I'm just...it's all so fucked. She used my defense against me. Took everything I had in my back pocket and made it... _wrong_. And a fucking private detective?" James' head came up, hazel eyes boring into sad green ones. "What the fuck? I'm just trying to raise my son. Trying to do the right thing. She can't even let me do that without turning it into something vulgar."

Kendall nodded slowly; he couldn't disagree with any of it. "She's not messing around."

"Nope. And I get it, that's the worst part. I get _why_ she's doing all of this. She knows it's the only way to keep Noah with her. She's hated me since junior high and I'm sure I'm the last person she wants raising her grandson, but...I mean...he's my kid, Kendall. _My_ kid. I deserve the chance to do this."

"You do. And a judge will agree that you deserve the chance, as long as we can prove you're not a danger to Noah."

James sighed and leaned his head back against the seat. "Why can't the judge just talk to Noah? He'll make it clear that with me is where he belongs, and the judge will see that he's happier with me. I don't understand why that's not an option."

"Well, it's...how to explain this?" Kendall reached for his seatbelt while thinking it over. "Kids are easier to bribe. Imagine if you were a bad parent, and all of her accusations were true. But you'd promised Noah that if he told the judge he wants to live with you, you'd take him somewhere special. Disneyland, maybe. Or in Noah's case, the space museum."

James shook his head adamantly. "Noah doesn't lie, Kendall. You taught him that."

"But the judge doesn't know that. And other kids _do_ lie. So it's hard sometimes to take what the kid says at face value. They don't understand being under oath. They don't face prison if they lie. That's why we can't just take what a kid says as the truth. There has to be evidence to back it up."

"Ugh, I fucking hate this. All of it. I just want it to be over, I want Noah back home with me and for you to live with us and I want every day to be like yesterday was, before all the bad stuff happened. Wake up with you, take him to school, go to our jobs or whatever, then pick him up and eat dinner with both of you. Spend time just being a family. That's all I want out of life, Kendall. Why is that so hard? I'm not asking much."

It sounded nice to Kendall, too. He brushed James' bangs off his forehead, a soft smile on his face as he imagined a lifetime of that. "It shouldn't be this hard. You look tired, babe."

"I didn't sleep well. As you know."

"You need a latte."

"I _so_ need a latte."

"Want to do that now? After the drug test, I mean. And then maybe we can stop by the school."

James considered that, facing forward again to turn on the car. "I need the latte, but the school's already called and left a message. Let's do that before Black Forest." He looked over the paperwork Paul had given them for the address of the lab, eager to be done with the test.

"Okay. Do you want me to go into the school with you?"

"Please?"

"Of course. Just tell me what you need. I'm here for you."

James nodded as he backed the car out of the spot. "That's the only reason I'm still sober. Don't ever leave me."

"I won't, not...you know. Officially. But we might have to—"

"Don't."

Kendall frowned. "Don't what?"

James shook his head again as he drove. "I can't think about that right now. It's too much. Let me deal with what's right in front of me, because that's all I can handle at once. Paul said it might not come to pass, so I'm refusing to think about it unless I have to."

"Okay."

"Thank you. I love you too much to just accept the idea of not having you in our lives."

"I'd still be there, James. Just not..."

"Nope. Not thinking about it."

"Okay."

Kendall rested a hand on James' thigh, his way of letting James know he was still here. James laid his own hand over it and took comfort in the silent message.

* * *

James could barely bring himself to explain to the school's office what had occurred the night before, so Kendall took over. The woman at the desk was sympathetic, perhaps seeing how much the loss of Noah had affected James, and instructed them to let the school know if Noah would be returning. She also informed James that she'd let Mrs. Lattimore know, but he said, "I have his library books to turn in. And can I take his stuff home with me? Just in case he...you know."

Kendall knew it was the collage James was thinking about and that he wanted to post it on the refrigerator as he'd mentioned before. The collage was a reminder that he was special in Noah's life, even if just for a week. They were given visitor passes and made their way to the classroom, Kendall feeling James' dread intensify with each step.

"He'll be back here, James."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Kendall."

The tone was clipped and angry. Kendall didn't take it personally.

Once inside the classroom, James apologized for interrupting and took Mrs. Lattimore aside to explain the situation. Kendall walked to the table Noah normally sat at and picked up the folder, feeling Zavey's wide eyes on him. "Hey," he smiled.

"Where's Noah?" the boy asked.

"He's with his grandparents right now. He should be back next week."

"She got him?" Zavey gasped.

Kendall looked more closely and saw the boy was scared. "Who?"

"His grandma. He said she was gonna come get him and he didn't want to go."

 _Jesus._ Noah had even told Zavey about her? "It's just for a few days."

"He said it would be forever. That's what she told him."

The words sent a chill down Kendall's spine. "Zavey, we're gonna get him back. Save his seat, okay?"

The boy nodded solemnly, then leaned in close as if to impart a secret. "He said you would save him."

 _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck me._ "That's the plan. Just save his seat."

"Okay."

"Kendall?"

James' voice called his attention back to the front of the room, where James was waiting with Mrs. Lattimore. "Be right there." He opened the folder to make sure the collage was still inside, then nodded at Zavey. "See you next week, buddy."

"Tell Noah it's my turn on the swings!"

"You got it."

"I gave her the library books," James said when Kendall approached. "She'll take them back for us. You got his stuff?"

"Yeah." To Mrs. Lattimore, he said, "Thank you so much for everything. We hope to have him back in class next week."

"I hope so, he's such a joy to teach, and he's so intelligent! It's rare that students are so excited to learn at this age. Most of them just want to play."

"Well, he likes doing that, too," Kendall chuckled. James had taken the folder from him and was staring down at the collage, fingertips running over the magazine cutouts. They hesitated on the taco and Kendall knew it was time to get him out of there. "We'll see you. Come on, James."

Kendall steered James out of the room after one last wave at Zavey. James dragged his feet, and Kendall was about to say something about it when James stopped moving completely and dug his heels in. "Wait a second."

"Babe, staying here isn't going to make this any easier."

"No, Kendall, it's...look at this."

He shoved the collage in Kendall's face. "I've seen it."

"No, look at it. Tell me what you see."

Kendall's brows drew together, not following. "I see a taco, and a bookshelf, and a baseball, and—"

"Okay no, let me rephrase that." James took a breath to center his thoughts. "Tell me _who_ you see."

"Oh. Well, there's me, you, Pete, Shannon...and Noah, of course."

"Right. Who's missing?"

"What?"

"Think about it. If you spent five years raising someone, if that kid lived in your home for his entire life, wouldn't you expect to be part of what makes him up? Wouldn't you think you deserve a place in this collage?"

It finally hit Kendall. There was not one hint of Noah's grandmother in the collage. "He left her out."

"Exactly. She's not a part of what makes Noah, at least in his mind. But Grandpa sure as hell is. What would a judge think of that? Can we use this?"

"I..." It was something to think about. "Honestly, I'm not sure it would help. But it definitely wouldn't hurt. Is his name on it somewhere?"

They turned the paper over and saw that Noah had printed his name and the date in large letters.

Kendall bit his lip, mind working. "What if it damages our case because Grandpa is on it? A judge might see that and realize Noah does love his grandfather, and decide that since he's there it would be okay for Noah to live there."

"You said my rights come first, as a parent."

"They do."

"So then I've got more leverage. You said we need proof to back up what Noah says. Isn't this that?"

"But the judge might not even talk to Noah."

"I don't care, this tells me everything I need to know. Noah does not consider her part of his life. He doesn't _want_ her in his life. A judge will see this and know there has to be a reason for that, right?"

"I guess, but..." Kendall's worry was that James would pin all of his hopes on this and then be devastated when it wasn't enough to win. "Just don't expect this to convince a judge that everything we say is true."

"I'm not. I'm just using it as proof. When we meet with Paul tomorrow to figure out our attack, this will be part of it. It's actual evidence, Kendall."

Kendall supposed it could be.

"What else is in that folder?"

"I don't know, just some spelling stuff? Math? Shapes?" Kendall paged through. "Sentences."

"Sentences?"

"Yes. For his spelling words. Oh my god, James. Spelling word was 'fun.' 'My daddy is fun.'"

"Let me see that!"

James ripped the paper out of Kendall's hands, skimming the crudely-written sentences hungrily. "'I want a dog.' 'Kendle is nice.' 'I like hot choklut.' 'My bed is soft.' 'Gramma is'...oh. Oh holy fucking shit."

"Shh, James, there are kids around. Grandma is what?"

Rather than answer, James passed Kendall the paper and pointed at a sentence toward the bottom. _"Gramma is_ _bad_ _."_

"Just try to tell me that isn't going to help us, Kendall."

Kendall's heart skipped a beat, filled with real hope for the first time since saying goodbye to Noah the night before.

* * *

Carlos' excited greeting from behind the counter surprised both of them, as Kendall had forgotten his switch with Monica and was used to Carlos having Fridays off. In James' case, he simply wasn't used to anyone being so enthusiastic to see him. Carlos ran around the counter to scoop James up into a bear hug while Kendall stepped back with a smile. This was a side of Carlos that James would eventually get used to, but for now it was fun to watch his eyes widen in shock at the effusion.

"Dude, I was so worried about you last night!"

"I'm...can you put me down?"

"Oh! Yeah!" Carlos did, setting James gently on the ground again. "Sorry. Just happy to see that you're not...well..." Not wanting to think about that, Carlos turned to Kendall. "Hey, bro. You good?"

"I'm surviving." He pulled James closer by the hand before peeking around to see the staff watching surreptitiously. "Do they know about all this?"

"No, I didn't say anything. But Annie's giving me that look, so I'd better get back to work. You guys gonna hang around or get it to go?"

Feeling Annie's eyes on him, Kendall asked, "Would you mind giving me a little time to talk to Annie, James? I know she's worried. I can do that while I make your latte."

"Do what you have to, babe. I'm actually gonna run to the bathroom. And then can we get something to eat? I'm starving."

"Sure, we can hit the burger place across the street." A vivid memory of standing in that building with Noah flashed through Kendall's mind and he shoved down the pain that came with it. "We'll do drive-thru."

"Perfect." After placing a light kiss to Kendall's lips, James headed toward the restroom.

"How is he really?" Carlos asked quietly.

"Holding up. The meeting with Paul beat him down some, but he's back to feeling a little bit of hope again. I'm gonna go talk to Annie for a minute."

"Want me to make your coffee?"

"Mine, sure. But leave the latte for me."

"Of course."

Annie led Kendall to her small office in the back, and once they were behind closed doors she turned to hug him. "Are you okay, sweetie? Anything I can do to help?"

"Giving me the time off is such a huge help, thank you. I'm sorry to spring that on you with no warning. It happened really fast."

Annie stepped back to look up at him. "Is it your mom?"

"No, no Mom and Katie are fine. It's...well, I guess it's not technically a family emergency. My fiance's trying to win custody of his son back and I took the time off to help him. The boy's become like a son to me."

"Kendall, I didn't even know you were seeing someone! Is it the handsome man you came in with just now? Isn't he a regular?"

"Yeah, it's a long story. But um...listen, do you know if anyone's been asking around about me or Carlos? Over the last week or so?"

"Asking around? What do you mean?"

"Have there been any customers or...just anyone, really? Asking questions about us?"

"Here? Not that I know of. I wouldn't tell them anything anyway."

"I know you wouldn't, Annie. Thank you. And you haven't heard anything from anyone else?"

"No." Her brows furrowed. "What's going on, Kendall?"

"It's not important. I should get going, we have a lot to do. But thank you again. I promise I'll be back next week."

"I expect to meet this little boy who's so special to you. Bring him down here for a free drink."

Kendall smiled, heart warming. "He'd like that. He's a big fan of our hot chocolate."

"Then he definitely has to come in," Annie chuckled. "Let me know if you need anything at all, Kendall."

"I will. Thanks."

James was seated at a table clicking away on his phone when Kendall emerged from the office. He left James to it and joined Carlos at the other end of the counter.

"Got your mocha ready."

"Thanks, dude. Annie's really great, you know that?"

"She sure is. Not many bosses would put up with my shit like she does."

"Hey." Kendall reached for a cup to start James' order. "I need you to come over for dinner tonight. There's a lot of stuff we have to discuss about the hearing that involves you."

"Me? Oh, because I'm gonna be living there and stuff?"

"Yeah. And Paul gave me paperwork for you to take a drug test. We did ours this morning. When can you squeeze that in?"

"Uhhhh...I guess after work. He already called to get my information for a background check, so that's happening. When's dinner?"

"Logan won't be there until at least seven, so you've got—"

Carlos almost dropped a container of almond milk. "Logan?"

"Yep," Kendall smirked. "We figured it would be easiest to have you both there, so we don't have to go over everything twice."

Carlos didn't respond right away and made sure to set down the milk before he did. "You mean...are you telling me I'm having dinner with Logan tonight?"

"Well, James and I will be there, too. He's making breakfast for dinner. French toast, sausage...and I think he mentioned fried potatoes."

"Oh my god. Oh my god, what should I wear? Kendall, you have to help me! I need something that makes me look smart."

"No you don't, just be yourself."

"Does Logan know I'm coming this time?"

"Yes. Remember that he'll be nervous enough about that, and we're gonna throw a bunch of shit on him about the hearing too, so...go easy on him. Oh, that reminds me. Turns out there's been a detective following all of us around for the past week. Has anyone approached you and asked questions about James or Noah? Or even me?"

"A _what_? Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. We found that out this morning. That's how the witch has evidence. You don't remember anything like that?"

"No, of course not! Dude, I'd never say anything against you guys!"

"I know, but Paul said he would've done it in a way that's like...not suspicious. Oh, sorry," Kendall said as Corey reached across him for something. He moved out of the way, then asked, "Hey, Corey. Have you seen anyone in here recently asking questions about me or James?"

"James? The dude who yelled at me?"

Kendall thought "yelling" was a bit of an exaggeration, but he knew James' treatment of Corey was undeserved and so didn't argue the point. "Yeah. You know I'm dating him, right?"

"I do now. I didn't until...wait, is he here?"

Carlos nodded his head toward the table where James was now speaking to someone on the phone and paying them no attention.

"Great. Don't make me help that guy."

"It's fine, I have his order already done," Kendall assured him. "What were you saying? You didn't know until what?"

"Well..." Corey hesitated, glancing back at James again before turning his back on the table area. "His friend is worried that you're gonna break his heart."

Kendall blinked as if he didn't quite comprehend the words, because they made no sense. Carlos met his gaze with the same confusion. "His...what?" Kendall asked.

It was obvious Corey didn't want to get into it, but he'd come this far. "Look, I didn't say anything bad about you. I made sure he knew you're a good guy, and didn't even let on that I can't stand James."

Kendall swallowed hard. "Corey. This is very important. I need you to tell me what the hell you're talking about."

"Just don't be mad. James' best friend came in the other day and was asking about you. He said James was talking about you all the time and seemed really into you, and the guy was worried you didn't feel the same about James. You know, that it was just a fling for you. I told him I didn't know anything about the relationship, but that you're not the type for flings. Basically he was just trying to feel you out, get an idea what kind of guy you are. And I understand that, being worried for a friend. So I made sure to tell him that James is in good hands and that you'd even arranged for Carlos to live there and take care of his son. Because I didn't know you guys were dating, but Carlos had told me that much. I figured you were just friends or something."

"Was his name Logan?" Carlos suddenly asked.

"Uh...I don't know. He didn't say."

"Dark hair?" Carlos tried. "Gorgeous eyes? Hottest guy you've ever seen?"

Corey rolled his eyes but answered, "No, he was blond."

Kendall's stomach turned to lead. "What else did you tell him?"

"Not much. He already knew about Carlos moving in. Sorry, buddy, he asked about you, too. I told him what I could to reassure him that the kid's safe with you. The guy seemed concerned about it."

Carlos met Kendall's eyes. "You think that was the detective?"

"Of course it was. James doesn't have a friend besides Logan, unless you count Jett. Which...actually, it could've been Jett. But how would he know anything about me or where I work? This guy obviously knew that, and knew about you. Jett doesn't know any of that. And he's not really _blond_. Motherfucker," he muttered.

Corey looked scared. "Wait, a detective? You're saying I was talking to a detective? What the hell, Kendall, I swear he said he was James' friend. I swear!"

"I know, Corey," Kendall sighed. "It's...don't worry about it. It's nothing the guy didn't already know, especially since you weren't even aware we're dating."

"Why is a detective asking questions about you guys?"

Carlos supplied that answer. "The kid's grandma is trying to take him away from James. Prove he's an unfit parent. The detective works for her."

"Shit. Oh shit, Kendall, please, I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I would never say anything to...oh my god, James is gonna kill me. He's gonna _murder_ me."

While that might've been a stretch, Kendall thought it wasn't too far off; James' animosity toward Corey was substantial. "I'm not gonna tell him, Corey. Or at least I won't mention your name. Okay? Don't worry about it. I appreciate that you were trying to help."

"I swear, that's all it was. And I'm sorry if I made anything worse."

"I don't think you did. But again, I appreciate you not badmouthing James, either. That's exactly what the guy was looking for. Carlos, I'll go get the paperwork for you."

"Yeah man, I'll take care of that on the way home. Corey, calm down, it's okay. He's not gonna hurt you."

Corey wasn't convinced. James caught his eye as Kendall approached with two cups. "Why is Corey looking at me?"

"Because you scare him," was all Kendall said. "Anytime you want to give him that apology we talked about is good."

James wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Some other time when I'm not so worried about losing my son for good. I just talked to Paul."

"Oh? I'm heading out to get Carlos that paperwork for the drug test. Walk with me."

James followed, filling Kendall in on the way but only after taking that first sip of the latte that always centered him. "Harvey's gonna do that deposition thing. Tell me again what that is?"

"It's basically testifying without being present," Kendall explained, holding the door for James. "It's what we present to the judge before the hearing. Remember how Paul said a hearing isn't as intense as an actual trial? They don't technically call witnesses and all that. The judge will ask questions of you and Sherry and probably Pete, too, since he's named in the petition. But Harvey can just give a sworn statement regarding the way the Pembroke operates to show it's a secure dwelling for Noah. And we file that with the court ahead of time."

"Okay," James nodded. "Yeah, he's gonna go down and do that tomorrow morning at Paul's office. He's really amazing, Kendall. We gotta get him something awesome for Christmas this year."

"We will," Kendall smiled, liking the unspoken promise that he and James would celebrate the holidays together. He reached into the car for the paperwork before asking, "Anything else?"

"I told Paul we'd discuss everything with Carlos and Logan tonight, and he said to have Logan go down tomorrow morning, too. He's gonna file their statements Monday to give the judge time to look at everything before the hearing. Which he did get moved to Tuesday."

"Good. Is Logan able to make tomorrow?"

"I texted him, so we'll see. He'd better. I know he already had the day cleared for the museum, so there's no excuse." James laid a hand on Kendall's arm to stop him from walking away. "He called Pete."

"Oh. And?"

"Hasn't called back yet. I think Pete works during the day, or at least he used to. Paul's gonna see if he'll help us instead of helping her. I know it's not gonna happen, but at least if Paul makes it clear that we can't get Noah back without him...you know?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "That might be enough to keep him thinking about it all weekend. Plus if Noah continues to say he'd rather be with us...I guess we'll have to see how it goes."

"Yeah."

"Uh...by the way. Turns out the detective _was_ here asking questions. Nobody really told him anything, but he tried."

James' jaw dropped. "Are you shitting me? Why didn't anyone tell you?"

"Well, they didn't know he was a detective. Just thought he was...a customer," Kendall fibbed.

"So that _is_ how he did it. Fuck. I'm gonna have to find out who he talked to at my job. Maybe I'll head out there tonight after dinner. See what they all told him."

"Whatever you need to do, babe. I'll be right back, let me go take this in to Carlos."

"Kay."

Kendall left James distracted as he climbed into the car. There was a lot to deal with and it was starting to take its toll on him, but he reminded himself that his duty was to be strong for James. They'd get through this the same way he'd continually instructed James to move forward.

One day at a time. Baby steps.

Each step took him closer to Noah coming home for good, and that was what he needed to keep in mind.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N—Thank you for reading! A few more answers in this chapter. Then we move forward with the plans to win Noah back.

* * *

A long, hot shower together went far toward helping them both relax. By the time James stepped out to dry off, Kendall knew sex would finish the job and hopefully lull James into a deep enough nap that his mind and body could rest from the constant stress and worry of Noah's situation. He leaned out to kiss James, teasing his lips and tongue in a way that had James turning to jelly, and commanded, "Wait for me in bed. I just need to rinse off."

James offered no argument. He still looked tired, but some of his light had come back so that when he smiled at Kendall, it was genuine. "Don't keep me waiting or I might have to handle things myself."

"I'm not worried about it," Kendall smirked. "We both know you love the way I do that thing with my tongue."

"Oh god," James shivered, dropping his towel to the floor. "Don't take forever!"

Kendall laughed as James rushed out of the bathroom. It was good to see his fiance alive again, even if just for a brief moment. He'd do what he could to make this moment last.

Less than two minutes later a semi-dry Kendall entered the bedroom, steps slowing when he heard James talking to someone.

"I'm sure it's not, but I've been putting this off long enough. No, Harvey, don't apologize, it's my fault. Go ahead, send him up. Thank you, I appreciate your concern for us."

Rather than naked and ready, James was pulling on a pair of jeans as he spoke into his phone. Kendall frowned. "What's wrong? Who's here?"

James hung up and braced himself. "Jett." Before Kendall could get started, he added, "Harvey didn't want to let him up, but called because Jett is begging and swears he'll never bother me again after this. Harvey said he's practically hysterical. I know Jett, this is just his way of getting up here. I should've called him by now. This is my fault."

Kendall worked hard to contain his anger at this man who was not only an asshole, but couldn't take a hint. "You should have, yes, but by not calling or taking his calls, you've made it clear it's over. You'll see him at work eventually anyway, right?"

"Yes, but...babe, he knows me well enough to realize something drastic happened. For me to take time off work and not return his calls at all, I'm sure he's just worried. I haven't been fair to him."

"He's a dick, why should you be?"

"Aren't you the one who told me I needed to talk to him?"

"Yes, to tell him it's over. But I meant over the phone, not...so he's on the way up right now?" A knock on the door answered that question. Kendall again forced himself to calm down. "Don't expect me to be nice to him. Not after the way he talked to Noah." He found his own jeans and worked them on. By then James had also shrugged into an old t-shirt.

James sighed, then scooted off the bed to move past Kendall. "Just try to remember that he cares about me and that's why he's here."

"I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"Kendall." James spun back just before reaching the door. "Please tell me you know better than to think I'd choose him over you."

"I do, but I don't trust him. He obviously isn't going to give up on you."

"He will once he understands. But fine, get a shirt on and come meet Jett. Officially."

Another knock sounded on the door.

James strutted out to open it, and there was the same man who had rudely dismissed Kendall and Noah as if they were no better than gum on his shoe. He seemed relieved to see James, then disappointed but not necessarily surprised to find Kendall standing just behind. "So. This _is_ why you won't take my calls anymore."

"There's more going on than you realize, Jett." James stepped back, forcing Kendall to do the same. "Come in."

Piercing eyes that were either blue or green scanned Kendall from head to toe, then back up again. Kendall stood a little taller, staring right back.

"This is Kendall."

"We've met," Kendall said shortly.

"Not officially," James argued, waiting until Jett was inside to close the door. "Jett, this is Kendall. My boyfriend."

Kendall really wanted to correct that to "fiance" but knew it would only lead to Jett saying all the things Logan already had about the recklessness of an engagement so soon.

Jett did not reach out a hand, nor did Kendall. "So you're raising a kid now?" Jett questioned, eyes not moving away from his competition even though he was speaking to James. "This guy's kid?"

Kendall glanced to James. He wasn't sure how much James was willing to share with his co-workers.

"He's mine," James finally said softly. "Noah is _my_ son."

Jett's entire demeanor changed. The threat of Kendall forgotten in his shock, Jett's focus shifted to James. "Yours? He's _your_ son?"

James nodded. "It's a long story. That's why I took the time off work, to get him settled in after his mom died."

Jett blinked a few times, trying to grasp the new information. "I don't...you never told me you had a son."

"Nobody knew." James left it at that. "I'm sorry I shut you out like that, but...I needed to focus on him."

"Of course. I didn't...if you'd just told me, I would've understood."

"I know. I didn't handle it well, there was a lot going on."

"I would've helped."

"I know," James sighed. "I just needed time to adjust."

Jett's gaze kept straying to Kendall now, obviously wondering why this total stranger was allowed into James' inner circle when he wasn't. "How long have you been seeing this guy?"

"Long enough," Kendall replied with venom.

"Babe," James chastised. "Please."

Though Kendall quieted down, he remained on alert.

"Jett," James explained, "Kendall's the one."

Jett's face changed. "The one? You don't mean..."

"I do."

Now Jett studied Kendall openly, more curious than hostile. "Wow. He's definitely as hot as you described him."

At a total loss now, Kendall turned to James. "What is he talking about?"

It was Jett who answered. "You're the coffeehouse guy, right?"

"I...guess?"

"He is," James grinned, sliding an arm around Kendall's waist. "I'll tell you how we got together another day, but...I actually got him. Can you believe it?! He's mine!"

"Holy shit, dude!" Unable to help himself, Jett threw himself at James for a hug. Kendall was forced to let go as James returned the hug. "I'm so happy for you!"

"I know!" James stepped back and then beamed at Kendall. "Sometimes I still can't believe it."

"Dude. James has been in love with you for like...years."

Still a bit off center, Kendall nodded. "I know. He told me. I'm surprised you knew."

"We talked about our dream guys. You've been his for...yeah. Years."

It was hard to hate Jett when he said things like that and did it without jealousy. Still, he felt it necessary to add, "He's been mine, too. It happened fast, but we're very serious and that's not gonna change."

"I get it. If I'd known you were him...I'm sorry I was a dick to you. You were this stranger trying to keep me from James, and..." Jett shook his head in wonder. "And you have a son, James. I still can't..."

"It's a lot," James agreed. "But you told Harvey you had something important to tell me?"

"Oh! I totally forgot, this is all so much to process, and..." Glancing back and forth between the two of them, Jett asked, "Is there any way we can talk in private?" Kendall immediately opened his mouth to deny Jett that, but Jett promised, "I swear I'm not gonna make a move on him. Now that I know who you are, I'm aware that it's useless to even try. As long as you make him happy, we have no problem. But I do want to discuss this with him alone."

Kendall still wasn't sure. James laid a hand on his arm and said softly, "Babe, it's okay. I'll be fine. I owe him this anyway, we need to talk. Remember, you suggested that?"

He had. He regretted it now.

"I'll tell you what," James tried. "Why don't you go call your mom? You never did, right?"

"No, you never gave me an answer about Sunday. And it's fine, there's no pressure if—"

"I think we should still do it. No matter what happens with Noah, you and I are still together, right?"

"Of course."

"Then I should meet your family. Just...let her know the situation. Hopefully she'll be just as excited to meet me even without..."

"She will be, James," Kendall promised, framing his face with both hands and leaning in for a kiss. "She's gonna love you."

"I hope so."

Kendall's eyes shifted from James to Jett and then back again. "I'll be in the bedroom. Call me if you need me."

"I'm fine, babe. Go on."

Walking out of the room to leave James alone with someone he'd repeatedly slept with was difficult. It wasn't James that Kendall was worried about; it was the fact that he knew firsthand how hard it would be to give James up after being with him, and he knew Jett wasn't going to just drop it without trying to win James back.

 _He_ wouldn't.

He had to trust James, though. James loved him, there was no doubt of that.

Kendall couldn't relax enough to sit once in the bedroom, so he paced while putting through a call to his mother.

"I was wondering when I'd hear from you! Are we a go for Sunday?"

Her excitement bubbled over the line, Kendall's heart squeezing when he realized how disappointed she was going to be. "Yes, but there have been a few changes, so Noah won't be there. It'll probably just be me and James and Carlos. Unless by some miracle we can get James' friend Logan to come along, too."

"Why can't Noah come? Is he going somewhere else?"

"He's staying with his grandparents until next week." _Please let that be all it is._ "His grandmother filed a petition for custody, so there's a hearing Tuesday and we'll know then who Noah gets to live with. I'm doing everything I can to make sure James wins at that hearing, but the grandmother...she's making things difficult."

After a pause Jennifer asked, "Kendall, why didn't you call me sooner? I can tell this is killing you; I hear it in your voice. How can I help?"

Of course his mother knew. His mother _always_ knew. "Honestly, just...make James feel welcome. He's barely hanging on and...hold on a second, Mom." He could hear the hum of voices talking quietly from the living room area and closed the door against the sound, not wanting James to overhear. "James is kind of alone in the world. He has a mom but they're not very close and I want him to know that we're here for him. That we can be his family, even if Noah doesn't come back. Please Mom, just welcome him like family because I already know that he will be one day and he needs to feel like he belongs somewhere."

"That's not a problem, but...what are you saying? That you already know you want to marry him?" When Kendall remained silent, she continued, "Kendall! You've been dating him for less than a month! You can't know that already."

"Mom, this isn't the time to argue about it, okay? Just promise me you'll welcome him."

"Well of course, I have manners. I'm not going to be rude. I just...you sound so sure. And I don't understand how that's possible after only a few weeks."

"Look, we're not gonna run out and get married tomorrow. It's not like that. I'm just saying that in my heart I know it's going to happen one day. He's the one. So...meet him with that in mind."

She sighed deeply. "What happens if he doesn't win custody?"

"I already told you. We'll still be together."

"Okay. Just as long as he isn't using you for your legal background. I don't want to see you dumped when all of this is over."

"Mom, no! I swear, it's not like that, we were already planning to date before he even took Noah in! He loves me for _me_ , not what I can do for him."

"I'll decide that once I meet him. What does he like to eat?"

"Uh...he tries to eat healthy for the most part. Nothing too heavy. Oh, but I could really go for some of your potato salad. What goes well with that?"

"I'll figure it out. He eats meat, right?"

"Yeah. He's a master with chicken and steak. And tacos. And...did I mention he loves to cook?"

"Oh perfect, we already have something in common then."

"He also loves your cookies. The first time we had an actual conversation, I shared some with him. He couldn't get enough."

"I'm warming up to him quickly," she laughed. "I promise Katie and I will be on our best behavior, especially knowing what a difficult time this is for him. Just let me know the time."

"It'll depend on how much stuff Carlos has to move. I'll let you know before Sunday."

"Okay, honey. I'm here if you need anything. Just call."

"I appreciate that, Mom." Kendall looked up when the door opened and a head of dark hair poked in. Catching James' eye, he said the words to both of them at the same time. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Call me!"

"I will. Bye."

Kendall disconnected the call and asked, "Is he gone?"

"Yeah. I got some answers."

"About?"

"I know how the detective found out so much about me and my...habits."

Kendall shot up from the bed. "That asshole! He spilled everything?"

"Babe, he didn't know. The guy was really smart. Made it sound like he was just looking for a good time with me. Jett had no idea he was a detective."

Just as Corey hadn't; Kendall's anger dropped away. "What else did he say?"

"A lot. Come out here and help me peel potatoes for dinner. I'll tell you everything."

* * *

 _Neither speaks until Kendall has disappeared down the hallway. It's Jett who finally says, "You look tired."_

 _James nods, knowing it's futile to deny it. "It's been a rough night."_

" _Night? No, that look of exhaustion has to come from more than one night of no sleep. You're not taking care of yourself. Is it the kid? Just not used to all the dad stuff?"_

" _I'm sure that's part of it," James admits. "But there's a lot more. I don't currently have custody of Noah. He's with his grandparents right now but I go to court next week to fight for custody."_

" _Holy shit, dude." Jett's eyes reflect the shock of realizing all that James is facing. "I'm sorry, I had no idea all of this was going on. No wonder you never called me back."_

" _That's...it's not..." James struggles to gather his thoughts. "Want something to drink? I need a minute to think about how to explain all of this."_

" _Sure, but...I have some things I need to say, too. If you don't want to see me after I get it all out, I understand. But let me say it all."_

" _Okay." James doesn't know what to expect from Jett; he can't imagine it would be anything other than recrimination for the way he's treated Jett, and he isn't ready to hear all of that. Then again, he knows he deserves it. He gestures Jett to the dining table. "Water? Lemonade? Tea?"_

" _Pink lemonade?"_

" _You know it."_

" _I'll go with that."_

 _James pours them each a tall glass, trying not to think about the night before with Noah and how happy he'd been in that moment just before his life was shattered into a million pieces by the arrival of deputies and a social worker. He sets the glasses down and takes a seat across from Jett, who says, "You want to go first?"_

" _I don't know. I guess the most important thing I have to say to you is that I'm sorry. I shut you out with no explanation and that wasn't fair to you."_

 _Jett seems surprised by the confession. "It really wasn't, James. You just disappeared on me. Took off from work, wouldn't answer my calls...I thought I'd done something to piss you off or upset you."_

" _No, Jett. It was never you. Never about you. I found out I was a dad and had every intention of signing over Noah to his grandparents. At the time, I was sure I didn't have it in me to be a father. I figured he'd be better off with them."_

" _What happened?"_

 _James sips at his lemonade before answering. "I met him. I met Noah. He...he looks like me, dude. Has the same eyes. I ran, but then ended up talking to him a few minutes later and...I don't know. Something came over me. I couldn't just walk away. I never told you this, but my dad took off when I was a kid. I know what it's like to grow up without that. And I couldn't do it to my own kid. So..." James shrugs. "I brought him home with me. He was here for a week and then his grandmother made up a bunch of shit and convinced a judge I was abusing him and doing drugs so they came and took him away."_

" _Jesus," Jett whispers. "I'm so sorry, James. I can see why I was the last of your worries."_

" _That's still not fair to you. I didn't tell you what was going on."_

" _No, and I assumed you were tired of me. That you'd found someone new to keep your bed warm." He pauses before adding, "I wasn't wrong about that."_

 _James lets out a soft chuckle. "No, but it's the man of my dreams. Can you blame me?"_

 _"Nah," Jett sighs. "You've been dreaming about him forever. And he obviously doesn't have a problem being around the kid."_

" _He's fantastic with Noah. Better than me, if you want the truth. I wouldn't have survived any of this without him. Wouldn't even have brought Noah home." James gulps down more lemonade and then announces, "I'm going to marry him."_

 _At this news, Jett isn't surprised. He nods, and there's a touch of a sad smile at his lips. "I'm gonna miss you."_

" _We can still be friends, Jett."_

" _With the death glare he was giving me? Not so sure."_

" _Well, a lot of that is because you were a dick to him last time you met."_

" _He was a dick to me."_

" _Did he have reason to be? Were you rude to my son?"_

 _Jett looks away, rolling his shoulders uneasily. "Maybe," he sighs. "That day I was...look, the truth is I was afraid I was never gonna see you again. Sean told me you'd promised to come back to work but I knew something big had happened and I wasn't sure I could count on that. I showed up here desperate to see you, and some jackoff I didn't even know was telling me to get lost, and...you know how I get when I'm pissed off."_

" _I do," James nods. "I've recently discovered you and I have that in common. I'm working on it. Trying to be a better person for Noah."_

" _Then..." Jett bites his lip, not wanting to admit the next part. "Then he makes it clear that he's allowed up here and I'm not, and I lost it. I fucking lost it. I was so hurt thinking I'd been replaced, that even though we never agreed to be more than what we were, I thought I could at least count on being better than the random dudes you bring home for a fuck and never see again. But just like that, I'd become one of them and it hurt. I went to work that night really pissed off at you, and as soon as I was done dancing for the night I sat at the bar and got drunk. I said some bad shit about you, shit I knew wasn't really true, but...I was hurt, you know? Just pissed off and hurt."_

" _I don't blame you. I would've been the same way in your position. It's my fault for turning you away like that. I should've just called you and—" James halts, mind running back something Jett said. "Wait, did you say you said some bad shit about me? To who?"_

 _Jett rolls his eyes and shakes his head in dismissal. "Nobody. Just one of your groupies that's always in there asking about you. I swear I hear it at least three times a night since you've been gone. 'When is James coming back?' 'Does James still work here?' 'You know James, right? Can you introduce me?'"_

 _James ignores the second half of that. "One of the usuals?"_

" _I don't know, maybe. I hadn't seen him before, and he hasn't been back since so I guess he took what I said to heart. Which makes me feel like shit for going off like that."_

Oh, Jett. What did you do? _"Jett. Tell me what he said."_

" _He was just asking about you like they all do."_

" _How? What exactly did he say?"_

" _He just wanted to meet you. Said he'd been told that you're the hottest thing at the club and he came in to see you but you weren't around. Asked what I knew about you. Wanted to know if it's true you do private gigs because he was thinking about hiring you for a party."_

" _Oh, fuck," James mutters, head falling back in dismay. "What did you tell him, Jett?"_

" _I...look, you have to remember how pissed I was."_

This is my fault. Don't be mad at Jett, this is my fault for shutting him out. _James takes a deep breath to steady himself. "I get it. Tell me what you said."_

" _It doesn't matter."_

" _It does. Trust me, it does."_

" _Fine." Jett crosses his arms over his chest and looks away. "I told him not to bother calling you because you're a slut who will fuck anything with a dick and that you take home any bitch willing to get on all fours for you. He said he wanted to experience that for himself and I said something like 'Get in line and be prepared to wait, it's a long one.' He asked why you're so popular and I told him it's probably because you do so many private gigs and put out. Made it sound like you basically fuck for money."_

" _Jett! You know I've never done that! I don't do that, when I bring a guy home it's never for—"_

" _I know, okay?" Jett hangs his head. "I know that. But I was drunk and had convinced myself you were just using me like everyone else and I...I'm sorry. I know better. I felt horrible about it the next day, once I sobered up. I just hope it doesn't affect your reputation at the club. You know how shit gets around and something like that could cause problems for your business."_

 _In a very low voice, James says, "It can cause more problems than you think. That guy was a detective. He works for Noah's grandmother and was trying to dig up dirt on me. Thanks to you, he reported everything you said to her and it was enough to convince a judge that I'm not qualified to raise a son."_

 _Jett's face freezes in shock._

" _Did you tell him I do drugs, too? Is that where he got that?"_

" _No! No, I told him you don't! He asked about that, said he was looking for someone who has no boundaries, and I told him you refuse to be around drugs because of your past. I swear, James, I never said anything to make him think you do them. I said the opposite!"_

 _James forces himself to stay calm, knowing that if Kendall senses Jett has upset him in some way, Jett will be a dead man. And really, it isn't Jett's fault. None of this is. It's his own fault for treating Jett like someone who didn't matter. "Okay. I believe you."_

" _Dude, I'm so sorry, I never meant to...if I'd known...oh my god, are you gonna lose your son because of me?"_

 _If he does, James knows it will be partially because of things Jett said. He can see that Jett is stricken with guilt, though, and that he's truly sorry. "It's not your fault. You're not the one trying to take him away. What you said didn't help, but..."_

" _Then tell me what to do. Who do I talk to? I'll tell them it was all lies, that I just said that shit because I was hurt. Put me before a judge, I don't care. I'll swear it all under oath."_

 _James stares at Jett, touched that his friend is willing to go to any lengths to make up for his actions. He realizes now what he should have all along—Jett is a solid guy underneath all the vanity and cockiness. Maybe he has been using Jett and not appreciating him as much as he should've. "Are you in love with me?" he suddenly asks._

 _The blunt question throws Jett for a loop. His hand drops away from the glass he'd been lifting, then he has to move quick to catch it before it spills. He takes a moment to recover and then says, "No. I was. In the beginning. I was caught up in your...I don't know what the word is. Whatever everyone else sees in you, that something that keeps them all coming back for more. Your...light? Your glow? Something like that. I bet Kendall could explain it better than I can."_

 _James takes that in. "What changed?"_

" _I knew you'd never feel the same way. Sure, at first I had hopes for it, but...eventually I realized I'm not what you were looking for. The thing is, you weren't even looking. You seemed happy enough alone, just hooking up here and there with no strings attached."_

" _I_ was _happy."_

" _But then you met this guy. Technically you didn't even meet him, you just exchanged a few words. That night I came home with you and you talked about him all night. His smile, his coffee, his eyes..._ he _was what you'd been looking for. And I knew I could never measure up to that. So...I got over you. Figured I had you as a friend and could enjoy you as more until you got serious with someone. Truthfully I didn't expect that to ever happen, because in two years you couldn't get up the courage to talk to him and he wasn't talking to you, so..." Jett shrugs and offers James a wan smile. "Guess that finally changed."_

 _James thinks back to that day Kendall sat down at his table and offered him cookies. "You know how I always imagined he'd be the perfect guy?"_

 _Jett nods._

" _Would you believe he's even more than I ever imagined? There aren't even words to describe it, Jett. He's everything I've ever wanted. And he wants to marry me. My dream came true."_

 _Jett can't even be jealous because he's never seen his friend so content talking about another man. "I'm happy for you. Really, James. As long as he's taking care of you and he's there for you and—"_

" _Above and beyond, dude. Above and beyond. You should see him with Noah, he's...oh. You have."_

" _Yeah," Jett chuckles. "I saw. And in that short time I assumed he was Noah's dad. He acts like it."_

" _He will be one day. I hope."_

 _Hearing the sadness in James' voice, Jett stands to move around the table and rest a hand on James' shoulder. "I meant what I said. Tell me if I can help in any way to undo the damage I did. I'm here for you, buddy."_

" _I know. I'd hug you but Kendall's got a mean streak of jealousy and if he sees that, you might lose your head."_

" _Damn. Does that mean I can't ever touch you again?"_

" _Not until you walk out of here today and he knows it's still him I want."_

" _I'm sorry, has he met you? Does he not know you spent two years pining over him?"_

" _He knows," James grins. He rises from the chair to escort Jett to the door. "Just between you and me, I kind of like that he's so possessive. That's weird, right?"_

" _It's very you," is all Jett says. "Tell him I'm sorry for all of this. That I never meant to cause problems and I'm sorry for being an ass to him and Noah that day."_

" _I will. See you next week."_

" _Let me know how it goes with Noah. Or...any way I can help before that."_

" _You got it. Thanks, dude. I'm sorry I treated you like shit. You're a better friend than I ever gave you credit for."_

" _Glad you realize it now," Jett winks. "I'm always here just to listen, too. If you ever need that."_

" _I appreciate it. Thanks. I'll let Harvey know you're okay to visit. Just call first."_

" _No problem. See ya."_

 _James closes the door with a wave and wonders how in the hell he's going to break the news to Kendall that it was Jett who badmouthed him to the detective._

* * *

"He's really willing to go before a judge and admit he was making all that up?" Kendall asked while cutting up the last of the potatoes.

"Yeah. He meant it, babe. And I know you hate him even more now than you did before, but he didn't know what he was saying would be used against me. I intend to stay friends with him, and you're just gonna have to accept him as that and try not to hold it against him."

Kendall didn't answer right away, instead watching James toss potato peels into the trash.

"Kendall, I'm serious. He really thought I was never gonna speak to him again."

"It was Corey."

James froze, bent over the trash can. "What?"

"It was Corey who talked to the detective at Black Forest. He didn't know, either. It doesn't sound like he said anything too harmful, but if I have to forgive Jett for that, you have to forgive Corey."

James muttered under his breath. "Of course it was that asshole. Can he do _anything_ right?" Kendall raised a threatening eyebrow at him and he sighed. "Okay, fine. It's not his fault any more than it is Jett's. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. Corey's going to remain in my life. Jett's going to remain in yours. I'll live with it if you will. And it's harder on me because you slept with Jett. For...how many years?"

"Enough," was James' vague answer. "Fine. I'll make nice with Corey if you do the same with Jett. I mean, he _is_ gonna be in the wedding."

"Seriously? I thought you'd want Logan to be your best man."

"My best man, sure. But there are groomsmen. Jett will be that."

"I see."

James rolled his eyes and returned the trash can to its place under the cupboard. "You're so ridiculous sometimes."

Kendall's righteous anger dropped away to be replaced with shame for his behavior. "I know." He busied himself washing his hands.

James was ready with a dish towel, drying them for him. He pressed Kendall back against the sink and whispered, "I kind of like that about you. It gets me hot."

Kendall's mouth dried up, his body responding to the heated whisper. "How much time do we have before they come over?"

"Enough."

That was all Kendall needed to know. He swept James off his feet and carried him to the bedroom for the unfinished business they'd begun in the shower.


	35. Chapter 35

A/N—Here's part one of the dinner with Logan and Carlos. I probably won't have the second half up until next week, though. :( Hope everyone's having a great week! And as always, thank you for reading.

* * *

Dinner was almost ready when James' phone signaled an incoming call. He transferred fried potatoes from a skillet to a large bowl. "That'll be Harvey telling me Carlos or Logan is here. I meant to let him know ahead of time. Can you grab that, babe? I need to finish up the sausage."

"No prob." Having just set the table, Kendall followed the buzzing noise to the kitchen counter James had laid the phone on. His hand froze halfway to it because it wasn't Harvey's name on the display.

It was Pete. Which meant...

Kendall spared a quick glance at James, who was caught up in sizzling sausage, and ignored the part of his brain telling him that James deserved to talk to his son first. The need to hear Noah's voice was too strong to fight. He picked up the phone with a shaking hand. "Hello?"

"Daddy?"

It was almost too much. Kendall's gut clenched and he squeezed his lids shut against the tears that sprang to his eyes; Noah would worry if he sounded upset. "It's Kendall. How are you?"

James immediately detected something in Kendall's voice and spun away from the stove.

"Kendall! Did you find Scampers? I told Grandpa to tell you!"

"I did, baby, I slept with him last night. Thank you." James was there now, hovering while his gaze screamed for Kendall to hand over the phone. "Sausage," Kendall whispered, and James ran back long enough to shut off the flame under the pan.

"I have my lion! He kept me safe. Did I miss the adventure today?"

"No, buddy. I'm waiting for you. I miss you."

"Is Daddy okay?"

"He is, he's doing fine. He's right here, I'll let you talk to him in a second. Are _you_ okay? Is Grandma being mean?"

Silence.

"Noah? You can tell me the truth." Kendall quickly put the phone on speaker and then said, "I know Grandpa's right there but you need to tell the truth. Is she yelling at you?"

"She yelled at Grandpa."

James' eyes met Kendall's. What did that mean?

"What did Grandpa do wrong?"

"He didn't say okay."

Kendall was dying to know what that argument had been about, but he doubted Noah would elaborate with Pete standing next to him. For all they knew, Pete had the call on speaker. "Where is Grandma?"

"She went to the store. She's making apple pie tomorrow."

"That's great, I know you love that. Grandpa let you call?"

"Yeah. He said we have to hurry. And I have to keep it a secret. I'm good at secrets."

"I know you are, buddy. I know." A smile formed on Kendall's face.

James could hold back no more. "Baby? It's Daddy."

"Hi Daddy!"

Kendall saw it coming and shook his head adamantly. It took everything in James not to break down. "Hi, Noah. It's so good to hear from you. We miss you so much."

"Did you read the story last night?"

"No, not without you. It's not the same without you. What did you do today?"

"We did school. Grandma taught me about the prezdents. Did you take my liberry books back?"

"Yes," Kendall replied immediately. "We gave them to Mrs. Lattimore today. And Zavey said he would save your seat in class so nobody takes it."

"Oh no! I was supposed to push Zavey on the swings today!"

"I told him you would do that when you come back. He's waiting, buddy. We just..." For a moment Kendall almost lost it, then he pulled it together. "We just want you home."

"Grandma said I can't go back."

"I'm going to kill that bitch," James muttered under his breath, Kendall shushing him before replying.

"We haven't given up, baby. We're still working on it. Remember, the lady who came to get you said it's not up to Grandma. The judge will decide. Paul's helping us and we're gonna try to make sure you come back here, because we want you here."

A touch of sadness floated into Noah's voice. "I miss it there. I want to go back."

James swallowed hard. "You will. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll get you back here, okay Noah?"

"Grandpa said I have to hang up now."

"Baby, wait!" Panicked because he'd be losing the connection to his son in a matter of seconds, James was desperate to hold on. "I love you. Please don't forget that, I love you and I want to bring you home. No matter what she says, I'm not evil."

"Kay. Bye, Kendall!"

"Bye, buddy. I love you."

Pete was suddenly on the line. "Sorry boys, but she'll be home any minute. I'll try again tomorrow."

"Thank you, Pete." James was crying freely now. "Please don't let him forget me."

"I won't. But I'm holding you to that promise that I'll still get to see him if you win at the hearing."

"We'll make it happen," Kendall promised. "Thank you for this."

"I'll take care of him. Bye."

Kendall held James once the call was lost, letting James sob onto his shoulder. His own eyes were wet but he held on to be the rock that James needed. The ache in his heart was larger now, the need to have Noah back in their home more intense than ever. "He sounds fine."

"Kendall, I can't do this. I can't...I need him here."

"I know, babe. I know. That was rough. But we're doing everything we can to fix this. We'll win."

"What if we don't? What if that's all I ever get is a phone call each week? I can't stand that!"

"Shh," Kendall soothed, rubbing James' back. "Don't think about it. Just focus on doing whatever we have to do to get him back."

"He wants to come home. He _said_ it."

"I heard."

"Why can't he tell the fucking judge that? This is such bullshit!"

"I know." The phone vibrated again and this time it was Harvey. Kendall grabbed the call while keeping James close with one arm. "Hey, Harvey. It's Kendall."

"Good evening, sir. Mr. Garcia is here, may I allow him up?"

"Yes, we're expecting him. Logan will also be joining us, so let him up when he gets here, too."

"Yes, sir. Mr. Diamond's lawyer called me today regarding Noah. I'll be stopping by his office in the morning to help in any way I can."

"That's so much appreciated, Harvey. You have no idea. James is extremely grateful for anything you can say that will convince a judge the Pembroke is a safe place for Noah."

"There's no place safer. I was able to get someone to cover me for three hours, so I'll stay as long as I need to."

"Thank you. We'll be down there tomorrow as well, so we may see you. Uh, Noah just called. He's doing okay."

"I'm relieved to hear it. And hoping he comes back soon. How about Mr. Diamond? Is he holding up?"

"He's..." Harvey didn't need to know about the mass of shaking James in his arms. "He's hanging in there. Send Carlos right up."

"Will do, sir. If you need anything, please let me know."

"We appreciate that. Thank you." After hanging up, Kendall shared, "Carlos is here. Do you want to..."

"Oh god. Yeah. I don't want him to see me like this." James scrubbed at his eyes and sniffed in a deep breath. "I'll be back."

Kendall stopped him from moving away. "I love you," he whispered. "It's gonna be okay."

James was trying to believe that. He thanked Kendall for the reassurance with red eyes and a watery smile.

"Go on."

A knock on the door startled Kendall just as James turned down the hallway. He took a deep breath of his own and tried to set the emptiness he felt after Noah's phone call out of his mind.

* * *

Carlos had chosen to wear a sweater, most likely to impress Logan. Kendall was comfortable in his daily t-shirt/flannel combination, and James was in a simple tee along with his staple of black jeans. Kendall smirked at the sight of Carlos overdressed for a casual dinner among friends. "You realize this is nothing formal, right?" he teased.

"Shut up, I'm trying to look presentable!" Carlos hissed, attempting to peek over Kendall's shoulder. "Is he here yet?"

"No, he probably won't be here until at least seven. You're early. Come on in."

"Whatever that is, it smells amazing."

Pride filled Kendall as he swung the door shut. "My man can cook."

"Where is your man?"

"Bathroom." Kendall wasn't sure if he should say anything about it but then admitted, "Noah just called. It was really hard."

"Dude, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he sounds good. Just wants to come home."

"I bet. Is _James_ okay?"

After glancing toward the hallway, Kendall whispered, "Not really. Just...don't say anything about how he looks."

"No problem. I won't scare him with a hug this time, either." They heard the bathroom door open and Carlos stood up straighter, clearing his throat. "Hey," he greeted James, who had done a remarkable job of covering up red and puffy eyes. "Food smells great, dude."

"Thanks. Kendall, did you offer him anything to drink?"

"Oh. No, I—"

"What kind of host are you?" James grinned, the heartbroken father from three minutes ago nowhere in sight. "Carlos, we've got milk, water, lemonade, wine...and of course coffee. Not as good as what you make, though."

"I'm coffee'd out. You wouldn't have any orange juice, would you? Kendall said it was breakfast for dinner."

"Oh! Yeah, we should have some of that. Unless Noah drank it all. He uh...he loves orange juice with his pancakes."

"I got it, babe." Kendall beat James to the cupboard for glasses. "You just worry about dinner. Carlos, have a seat. We'll eat when Logan gets here. Have you heard from him, James?"

"Not since last night. He'd better show or—" James' words cut off at a knock. "Speak of the devil. Carlos, we're a little busy getting dinner ready. Would you mind grabbing the door?"

Carlos swallowed hard, nervous again. "Are you sure? What if he runs?"

"He's not gonna run," Kendall laughed. "Or...babe, would he?"

"No, he promised he'd do this. But if you don't answer the door soon, he might chicken out anyway."

"Right! Sorry. I'm just..." Carlos ran a hand over his hair. "I'm so nervous! If I screw this up, he'll never want to see me again!"

Kendall reminded him, "He has to see you Sunday."

"What if I pretend I don't care at all? Would that make him like me more?"

"Carlos, just be yourself! And get the door already!"

"Okay, okay!"

James and Kendall worked side by side in the kitchen, both focusing half their attention on Carlos opening the door to greet Logan.

"Logan. Hey."

A soft "hey" was audible, then Carlos moved aside to let Logan pass. "Oh my god, you really did make apple sausage."

"I said I would," James chuckled with a glance toward the living room. He noted Logan still dressed in work pants and a button-down. "Take off your jacket, stay awhile. Did you come straight from work?"

"Yeah. Traffic was hell." Logan did his best to ignore the dark eyes following him around, though he had to acknowledge it when Carlos stepped up to take his coat. "Thanks," he managed.

"So Logan, what exactly do you do at the Department of Energy?" Carlos couldn't help but ask.

Logan's arms came up to cross over his chest, obviously uncomfortable with the attention. "Uh, I work with renewable energy. At a national lab. I lead a research team and we work on finding new ways to renew energy."

The jacket almost missed the hook Carlos was trying to hang it on. He tried it a second time and was successful. "That sounds fascinating. I heard we're in an energy crisis."

"Not quite yet, but we're getting there if things don't change. We study grids and algorithms to try to find different ways of doing things. Our country in particular wastes more energy than you you'd believe."

"Oh, I believe it."

Kendall interrupted. "Logan? Water, milk, juice—"

"Coffee," James answered for him. "Logan's answer is always coffee. Black. I already started a pot, it should be ready."

"Well, okay then." To the other two, he said, "Dinner's ready, if you guys want to sit. Just leave me a seat next to James."

Kendall missed Logan rolling his eyes, but Carlos didn't. He smirked. "They're kind of intense," he whispered.

"I think you mean ridiculous," Logan said under his breath. He followed Carlos to the table, dutifully taking a chair next to him even though he probably would rather be far away.

Nobody spoke while filling plates. The next sound came from Carlos, who raved over the potatoes. "James. Dude! You could have your own cooking show with this stuff. Oh my _god_."

"Told you," Kendall grinned.

Logan commented, "Wait until you taste the French toast. He uses just the right amount of cinnamon."

Both Kendall and Carlos had to stifle laughs. "What's so funny?" James asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, babe," Kendall assured him with a pat to his knee. "We just know all about your insistence on 'just the right amount of cinnamon.'"

"Hey! Too much or too little can ruin the entire dish. Or coffee. Taste it and tell me I'm wrong."

They did, and their laughter died away. "Holy shit, babe. You really _could_ have your own show."

"Without a culinary degree? Please, I couldn't even find a job as a short-order cook."

"Yes, you could," Logan argued. "Shannon and I used to tell you that all the time when you said you were a failure for not getting into a university. And I still don't know why you didn't just start at a community college. Your mom would've paid for it."

"Logan, you know I didn't want to take anything from Mom. And you know why." James shoveled in a bite of potatoes and asked, "Everything's okay, though? Really? I have blueberry syrup if you don't like maple."

Carlos scoffed. "Who doesn't like maple?"

"Crazy people," Kendall agreed. "Noah goes insane with it. We have to watch him on that."

The offhand comment brought them all back to the reason for their gathering and the mood turned somber. James sucked down juice and said, "Look, I want to thank you both for coming over to talk. I know you guys have lives and it means a lot to us that you're willing to put them on hold for Noah."

Carlos shook his head. "No need to thank us. Whatever it takes to get Noah back home. Right, Logan?"

Logan's gaze stayed on his plate as he said, "That's the goal."

Carlos chomped on a sausage. "So what do you need from me? Name it."

"Did you get the drug test done?" Kendall asked.

"Yep, did that right after work. Paul said he wants me to go down to his office tomorrow, too, but I have to work. I already got Monica to cover me Sunday, so there's no way I can get this covered."

Kendall frowned. "Aren't you working my shift?"

"Oh. I forgot. So I'll be off at...what, eleven?"

"Ten. We're supposed to meet with Paul around noon, so he'll definitely be there when you get off. Can you stop by for a little bit? He said we don't need a lot from you as far as a deposition; we just need you to state for the record that you're willing to take care of Noah when James isn't available. The background check and drug test should do the rest."

James hesitated, but knew they had to be honest. "Carlos, I need to warn you that Paul said today that might not work. You moving in, I mean. I'll do what I can to make it happen, but Sherry named you in her petition as one of my..." He struggled to find the right word.

"Your what?" Carlos wanted to know.

"His playthings," Kendall supplied. "And Logan, you were mentioned as one, too."

Logan's head shot up. "Excuse me?"

"What the hell?" Carlos spluttered. "How does she even know me? Oh, wait. Detective?"

Kendall nodded.

"Detective?" Logan echoed. "Did she hire a detective to dig up dirt on you?"

"Yep," James confirmed. "And it led her to both of you because you came to see me."

"But she loves me," Logan argued. "She _wanted_ me around."

"Not once she figured out you're gay."

"Well, shit." Logan sighed and dropped his fork to the plate, sitting back in his chair. "Then what am I even doing here? If she made us look like the enemy, nothing we say is going to matter. A judge is going to side with her."

Kendall explained, "Not once we prove she's a liar. And we will, with the drug test. She asserted that James is doing drugs and that's easy to disprove."

"Seriously? She thinks you're still doing that?"

"You know she never believed I was off them."

Logan rolled his eyes. "She was out of control. So what is it you guys want from me?"

"Exactly what I said last night," James answered patiently. "You need to tell Paul how Sherry is. How she treated Shannon and kept her basically caged up. Didn't let her live. How much she hated me back then because it's obviously affecting her actions now."

"So I'm basically a character witness? Just there to show what kind of person she is?"

"Yes. And to talk about why she kept Shannon from telling me about Noah for five years."

Logan bit his lip, pushing his mostly-empty plate away. "Do we know she did that?"

"What?" James asked, confused.

"I mean, do we know it was Sherry's decision? To not tell you?"

"You think it was Shannon's? If that was the case, she wouldn't have had Paul find me in the first place. Obviously it was Sherry."

"James, don't get pissy with me. We can't go in making accusations about things we're guessing at. She's already doing that, and your goal is to make her look bad. So let's not do those same things and look bad ourselves. Does Paul know why you weren't told?"

Kendall shrugged. "If he does, he's not allowed to tell us. Attorney-client privilege."

"What's that?" Carlos asked.

Logan replied. "It means he can't break his client's confidentiality. Like the way a psychiatrist has to keep everything confidential."

Carlos nodded. "Oh. So whatever Shannon told Paul, it doesn't do us any good?"

"Right." Kendall finished the last bite of potatoes and reached for his milk.

"Do I need to do a drug test?" Logan wondered.

"No. We decided today that since you won't be living in the house, there's no need for a drug test or background check." Kendall stared into Logan's eyes and said, "But your testimony will probably be the most damaging to her case. So we really need you to do this, Logan. Whatever's holding you back...please. James needs you."

Logan's gaze dropped away. "I said I'd do it. What time should I be there?"

"Paul's getting to the office around eight," James answered. "But I think he said the court reporter won't be there until nine to take your statements."

Logan's brows rose up. "A court reporter works on the weekend?"

James' lips twisted. "We're paying double for it. Paul knows someone who's willing but she charges a lot. Worth it if we get Noah back."

"Definitely," Kendall agreed, though it wasn't his money paying the woman.

"The thing is," Logan started, "I don't really know what to say. I don't know what will be helpful."

Kendall assured him, "Paul will guide you in that. He knows what questions to ask."

"And I'll be under oath?"

"Yes. Otherwise it's not admissible."

Carlos' head tilted to the side. "So does this mean we don't have to be at the hearing?"

"Paul said you need to be just in case the judge has questions about your testimony," James stated. "Sometimes they need...what was it, babe?"

"Clarification. More specific details. I know how difficult it is for you, Logan. And Carlos, I know Annie isn't gonna want to give you more time off, especially when you're covering for me. But if you tell her why, she'll do it. I can call and talk to her if you want."

"Nah, she loves me. And besides that, she practically worships you. All I have to do is say it's for you and it's a done deal."

James looked over at Logan. "We did get the day changed. It's Tuesday. Can I count on you?" When Logan didn't answer right away, James promised, "Paul said it wouldn't be more than two hours. Probably closer to one. Depends on how much extra testimony the judge requires. Please, Logan. That kid freaking loves you. He's _dying_ to visit a space museum with you. And if you won't do it for me or him, do it for Shannon. This is what she wanted."

"Look, I said I'd do it. Quit trying to guilt me with Shannon."

"I'll guilt you with whatever it takes. I want my son back."

"I'll be there."

"Good."

"Just tell me what time."

"Anytime between nine and noon tomorrow. As for Tuesday...I'll let you know."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"Uh...babe?" Kendall said softly. "Phone."

Everyone glanced over at the kitchen island, where James' phone was vibrating. He jumped up and looked at it before telling Kendall, "It's Paul."

Kendall pushed his chair back and reached out for James' hand. "Let's take it in the bedroom so we can put in on speaker. We'll be right back, guys. Don't leave or you'll miss brownie sundaes."

"Brownie sundaes?" Carlos echoed, his face lighting up. "Man, you guys know how to throw a dinner party."

Kendall chuckled as James answered the call. One hand on his fiance's shoulder, Kendall looked back to lock eyes with Logan.

 _Leave and I'll kill you._

Logan gave a short nod, and though Kendall read anxiety in the chocolate-brown gaze, he knew Logan would stay.


	36. Chapter 36

A/N—Here's part two of the dinner with Cargan. This wraps up Friday in the story, and then we move on to Saturday. A lot going on Saturday, but it's all necessary before they can file their petition Monday. Whatever it takes to get Noah back, right? :)

* * *

James started his pacing thing when they reached the bedroom; Kendall pulled him down onto the bed to keep him close (and still) while they talked to Paul.

"Kendall's here, too," James shared. "And Carlos and Logan are both at the apartment with us, so we can pass on what they need to know."

"That's perfect." Paul's voice came through loud and clear on speaker. "I just wanted to update you on everything. I finally got hold of Pete, and...I'm sorry, James. He isn't willing to testify against her."

"No big surprise there," James sighed.

"We can make him, though, right?" Kendall asked. "You said we could if we had to."

"We can," Paul said slowly, "but I'm hesitant to make an enemy of him. He admitted that he does think Noah is happier with James—"

"On record?" Kendall interrupted. "Did he say it on record so we can use that?"

"He did not. He said that his grandson's happiness is important to him but that he can't risk losing his wife. Asked how strong our case is. When I told him I thought we had a pretty strong case, he said he'd rather not get involved. I'm sorry."

"Dammit, Pete," James muttered. "Stand up to her for once in your life." To Paul, he said, "Can we win without him?"

"I think we still can. Because if he doesn't offer much at the hearing itself, the judge will see that and wonder why Noah's grandfather isn't doing more to keep you from gaining custody. I wouldn't be surprised if the judge questions him on the spot. So as long as he doesn't lie, it should be fine."

Kendall nodded. "He had Noah call us today, just to check in. Had to do it without her knowledge. I asked if Sherry was being mean and Noah didn't answer, but he seemed okay."

"Did Pete say anything we can use?"

"Not really," James sighed. "But the fact that he has to sneak phone calls when she's out...that says something, right?"

"I'll add it to our list. James, your boss delivered the records of your drug tests this afternoon. I also got in touch with Harvey today. The doorman?"

Kendall sat up straighter. "Oh, right. He told us he's going down tomorrow."

"I have him scheduled for nine, but he should be done quickly. Can you have Carlos be here by 9:30?"

"No, he doesn't get off work until ten. But Logan's free at 9:30, can we start with him?"

"That's fine. Since I don't know how long his deposition will take, I didn't want to make Carlos wait around. But that will give me an hour with Logan, which should be plenty. So I'll plan on Logan at 9:30 and Carlos...10:30?"

"He'll go straight there after work," Kendall promised. "Do we need to be there for all this? I know we agreed to meet at noon, but if you want us there sooner we can be."

"It's not necessary, though if you'd like to be present you can. I'll be at the office by eight, so we can go over our strategy in questioning before everyone else arrives."

"Let's do that," James agreed. "I just...I can't sit here and do nothing. I want to be part of it."

"As long as none of them oppose your presence, you can be there. And if any of them wants to have their own attorney present, that's fine, too."

"What would they need a lawyer for?" James wondered. "We're just asking questions, right?"

"Yes, but in any legal matter a right to an attorney is required. So let Carlos and Logan know that."

"Carlos is fine," Kendall assured him.

James pointed out, "I don't even think Logan has a lawyer."

Kendall added, "But he is really nervous, Paul. He will need some coaxing. He said he doesn't know what information will be helpful to the case."

"I'll handle all of that. Just have him here by 9:30."

"Okay." James stood up, Kendall letting him go. He paced as he asked, "So you think we have a strong case?"

"As long as we can prove she's lying and overbearing to a detrimental degree, yes. I got the background checks started this morning after talking to Carlos. Those normally take forty-eight hours at the minimum, not including weekends, but we'll pray for a miracle that I get the results back early enough Monday to include that in our petition. I already got the results of your drug tests and everything's clear. Just waiting on Carlos."

"He went down today after work," Kendall offered. "So hopefully soon."

"I put a rush on all of the orders and paid extra for quicker results on the background checks. I figured you'd be fine with that, James."

"Whatever it takes," James agreed. "And Paul...thank you. I know you have other cases and probably don't work weekends, but we appreciate that you're doing all this for us."

"I actually do work Saturdays. It's normally my catch-up day. I refuse to think about anything legal on Sundays, though, so don't expect to hear from me then."

"We won't." The pacing making him crazy, Kendall dragged James down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his fiance. "And we really are grateful."

"Anything I can do to get Noah away from that woman, I will."

"But you can't tell us why?" James asked.

"I can tell you it's based on things Shannon said. Nothing more."

"God, I wish we could use that," James sighed. "Didn't you say once that you might be able to find a way around that?"

"If we have to, and only then. It's not something to be used if we can win without it. My loyalty is still to my client."

"But I'm your client now."

"And she was already under confidentiality. I'm sorry, James."

"Fine. Okay. Oh, Jett came to see me today. He was the one who told the detective all that made-up shit about me bringing work home with me and having guys around all the time."

Paul was quiet for a moment as he pondered that. "Why would he lie?"

"He was pissed off at me and admitted he was drunk. He said he's willing to tell the judge that if it helps. Will it?"

Again, Paul considered the information silently before saying, "The judge might think he's just covering for you, since you two have a history."

"But it's our history that made him say that in the first place," James argued. "He was hurt because I dumped him with no explanation."

"He's still biased. But so is Logan, so...give me his number. I'll see if he can come down in the morning and state that for the record. We'll decide afterward if we want to use it or not."

"He'll be there. He feels horrible for causing all these problems." James rattled off Jett's information. "Got that?"

"I've got it. I'll get right on it."

"Thanks, Paul. So we'll see you tomorrow morning. Anything else?"

Kendall grabbed James' arm. "The collage. And the sentences."

James gasped. "Oh my god! Paul! We picked up Noah's schoolwork today and he used his spelling words to write things about us. He said, and I quote, 'Gramma is bad.'"

"He wrote that in class?"

"Yes," Kendall confirmed. "And we have a collage to show you, too. We'll bring it all tomorrow. I think we can use it."

"That's fantastic. And when you talked to him today, Noah said nothing to indicate he's in danger? He seemed normal?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered. "Pete said he'd watch over him. And we promised Pete that he can still visit Noah if we win."

Paul's voice was careful when he replied. "You do realize that she will most likely be granted visitation? I don't think any judge will deny her that, as long as it's supervised and she's not damaging him in any way. In fact, I think we should offer that at the hearing. Should you win."

"Are you kidding?" James scoffed. "She won't let me near my son but I'm supposed to be the nice guy and invite her over?"

"It will make you look better," Kendall pointed out. "Show the judge that you're not unreasonable. Which is exactly what she is. And remember, it'll be supervised. The court will set something up so he's not alone with her."

"Whatever." James was tired, it was evident in the way the fight drained from his posture. "I just want him to live here, and whatever else...we'll figure it out. I want my son back."

"We'll make it happen," Paul stated. "Make sure Logan and Carlos come down tomorrow."

"Done." Kendall stood up, keeping James close once both were on their feet. "Thank you, Paul."

"You're welcome. Get some sleep."

"We will."

"Thanks again, Paul," James added.

"I'm happy to help. Goodnight."

Once the call was dropped, Kendall slid his arms around James and kissed his temple. "No sex tonight. You're sleeping."

"I sleep better after sex."

"We already had sex today."

"So there's a limit now?"

"James," Kendall laughed. He touched their lips together. "I just want you to rest. I know you're exhausted."

"I didn't even do anything today."

"Yes, you did. Today was emotionally draining. We're both in need of sleep."

"Well, we can't do that until our company leaves."

"Damn, I forgot they were here. Do you think Carlos scared Logan away yet?"

"Probably," James smirked. "Let's go rescue him."

Logan was still present, though, as was Carlos. They were standing in the kitchen, and at the sound of Kendall and James returning both glanced over. Kendall knew what was coming before Logan even opened his mouth.

"I gotta go."

Carlos' face fell.

"What?!" James exclaimed. "We're not done here."

"You can just text me whatever I need to know." Logan was already rushing out of the kitchen and toward his jacket.

"Logan, wait," Kendall tried. "Please. At least stay for dessert."

"I'm really not hungry; I ate too many potatoes." Now clad in his jacket, Logan spun around to look back at Carlos, who was still standing next to the sink with a sad expression. "I'm sorry. I know what you want, but...I just can't."

Carlos shrugged. "I meant what I said. Friends is just as good."

Logan gave a short nod and turned away. "Thanks for dinner. I'll be there tomorrow. Just tell me what time."

"Logan, will you just..." James gave up on that when Logan was out the door, then said to Kendall, "I'll be back."

Kendall nodded and waited until the door closed to face Carlos. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! I didn't do anything! Everything was perfect and then you guys came out and ruined it all!"

"Carlos, he looked terrified."

"Yeah, because he's scared. I think he's starting to feel things and it's scaring him."

"Oh." That could be a good thing, Kendall thought. "So you talked?"

"We talked a lot. Kendall...I don't know what to do. I'm already so into him and he doesn't think of me like that and..."

James stepped into the apartment. "He's gone. I told him to be there at 9:30 tomorrow."

"Oh, that's perfect!" Carlos grinned. "That's what we planned anyway."

"We?" Kendall echoed.

"Yeah, we talked about...okay, why don't we do this over brownie sundaes? Are they your brownies, Kendall?"

"Not this time. We picked them up at the store."

"Ugh. Well, I'm sure it'll still be good. You guys owe me."

"I guess we do," James said with a roll of his eyes. "Kendall, can you grab the ice cream? Fudge is in the cupboard. Thanks, babe. Now, Carlos. What did you do?"

* * *

 _Silence falls between them once James and Kendall escape to the bedroom. Logan won't meet his eyes, so instead Carlos busies himself snagging the last piece of French toast from a plate between them. "You mind if I take this?"_

" _No, go for it." Logan leans back in the chair, about to reach for his coffee when he suddenly changes his mind. "Are there any potatoes left?"_

" _Yeah, help yourself." Carlos passes the bowl to him, trying not to stare while Logan scoops more onto his plate. Everything Logan does fascinates him. Something in the way he moves, each task efficient and deliberate and careful, brown eyes possessing that alert and intelligent spark that drives Carlos wild. "So how long has James been cooking like this?"_

" _Uh, since high school. He was lost for awhile but then renewed himself, and this was part of that. Stopped eating junk food, started working out, and learned how to cook food that could be used as fuel more than just...sustenance. He used Shannon and me as...I guess you'd call us taste testers."_

 _Carlos smiled picturing that. "There's nothing healthy about this meal."_

" _No," Logan chuckled. "He expanded his skills over time. He cooked for me and my roommate a lot in exchange for a place to stay, and neither of us were fans of healthy food, so..." As if realizing he'd relaxed and opened up too much, Logan returned his focus to his plate and looked at nothing else._

 _Carlos wanted to get that relaxed side of Logan back. "How'd you end up with such an awesome job? You're pretty young to be heading up a team of your own, right?"_

 _Logan shrugged, uncomfortable. "I was on a fast track in college. Got through it early, and my degree got me a position with the lab. I moved up quickly."_

" _I bet." When Logan glanced up as if to ask why Carlos would say something like that, Carlos added, "I just mean you seem really smart. I'm sure they recognized that in you."_

" _I guess."_

" _I wish I was smart enough to work in a place like that. I love science."_

" _Really?" Logan asked, daring to meet Carlos' gaze for all of three seconds before reaching for his coffee. "Why didn't you follow that dream to a career? How'd you end up in a coffeehouse?"_

" _Kendall got me the job," Carlos admitted with a blush. "And I like it okay there, tips are good and it's not a bad place to work. Plus all the free coffee I want."_

" _Definitely a perk," Logan agreed, then laughed softly when he realized he'd unintentionally made a pun._

" _Nice one!" Carlos grinned. "Did you plan that?"_

" _No, just..." Logan cleared his throat, uncomfortable again._

" _Well. Kendall got accepted to university out here, and after high school he moved. I stayed behind for about a year trying to figure out what I wanted to do."_

" _But that's what I don't understand, Carlos. If you love science so much, why didn't you take that career path?"_

 _Now he had Logan's full attention and it was intoxicating. He was about to ruin it, though, by admitting he was an idiot. "The truth is I'm not very...I mean, I think I told you before how I have trouble retaining things?"_

" _Right," Logan nodded._

" _It's like...in the moment, I understand everything. I listen to lectures or watch documentaries and I'm so right there in that moment. But my brain doesn't file the information away like it should. And I have trouble focusing sometimes and it makes things hard."_

" _Carlos..." Debating his next words, Logan hesitated. "I hope I don't offend you, because I don't mean anything derogatory by it, but...have you ever been diagnosed? That sounds a bit like ADHD."_

 _Carlos' face lit up. "Yeah! That's exactly it! They told me that in school, I had to see a therapist and everything. Like in junior high. They said I'm mildly ADHD. So it's not bad enough that I can't function, but it made school harder for me."_

" _I can see how it would," Logan nodded. "And college would be..."_

" _Even harder. I love to learn. Like in school we went to the space museum and that was the best day ever. I remember standing around reading all the plaques and Kendall kept dragging me away with the group but I just wanted to read everything! I'd kill to go there again on my own and just...you know. Take my time."_

 _Logan gnawed at his bottom lip. Carlos could tell he wanted to say something but was holding back. Finally he said, "We were supposed to go tomorrow. To the space museum."_

 _Remembering that Kendall had said not to let on that he knew about the trip, Carlos played dumb. "Who?"_

" _All of us. James, Kendall...we were going to take Noah. He was excited about it."_

" _Oh. Is that what James was talking about earlier?"_

" _Yes. But now..."_

" _Yeah," Carlos sighed. "This whole thing sucks. Kendall was a wreck last night when I drove him over here. He thinks of Noah like a son."_

 _Logan absorbed that, then studied Carlos. "Is that...it doesn't seem weird at all to you? That they've only been dating for about a week but they act like a married couple and Kendall is practically a father to James' son?"_

" _Well, if you're saying that they moved really fast, sure. Kendall was a little worried about that; it's not like he doesn't realize it. But I see them both happy, and when Noah was here he was happy. So yeah, it's super fast. But as long as everyone's happy, who cares?"_

" _And you don't think that's going to change over time? I mean, it's new and exciting right now, but what about when reality sets in? Fatherhood isn't all fun and games. It's responsibility and long hours and is Kendall really ready for something like that?"_

" _Dude, I know you don't get it, but you don't know Kendall. I've known him for almost my whole life and trust me, he's ready. This is what he's always wanted. A_ family _. He has this need to make up for the way his dad treated him. Being a dad to Noah is like...his dream come true."_

 _Logan frowned. "So then is he just using James for his kid?"_

" _No," Carlos sighed, wondering how to explain it. "He was into James long before he knew about the kid. I've been listening to him drool over that guy for years. He's so far gone, man. You don't see that when they look at each other? How intense it is between them?"_

" _I...haven't spent a lot of time around them together."_

" _I have. Trust me, Logan. It's real, what they have. They definitely rushed into it, but it's real."_

 _Logan nodded slowly, not in agreement but more in understanding of what Carlos was trying to say. "I don't understand that mentality. Rushing into things._ Especially _relationships. Even when you take it slow and think things are okay..." He shook his head. "You never really know what's going on, you only know what you perceive as the truth. And it's_ not _the truth."_

" _That's why you can't hold back. Just be honest."_

" _That doesn't guarantee the other person is being honest."_

" _No, I guess it doesn't. Sometimes you just have to trust."_

 _Logan rolled his eyes. Done with the conversation, he stood up and started gathering plates. Carlos followed his lead, and soon he was rinsing dishes while Logan loaded them into the dishwasher. Carlos sensed that Logan was doing heavy thinking, or perhaps remembering; maybe he was lost in memories of the guy who'd broken his heart. If only there was something Carlos could say to get him past that._

" _What time are you going down to the law office tomorrow?" Logan suddenly asked._

 _Carlos almost dropped a glass. Was Logan trying to make sure they didn't run into each other? "Probably right after work, so about ten-thirty?"_

" _And they said your deposition won't take long?"_

" _Right."_

" _So if I plan on being there at ten, or even earlier, we can both be done by eleven."_

" _Maybe?"_

" _Okay. Do you have plans tomorrow? Other than work and the deposition?"_

 _This time Carlos did drop what he was holding, but luckily it was nothing more fragile than silverware. He could hardly breathe. "Shit, sorry. Um...no, I thought I was working all day."_

" _Good. I'm taking you to the space museum. And you can have all the time in the world to read those plaques. The observatory's not too far from the museum, so maybe we can have dinner in between and then head over there. They open the giant telescope when it gets dark. Ever looked through one of those?"_

 _How was he even standing? Carlos' legs were so weak he had to hold on to the counter, letting Logan gently shove him aside to reach for the silverware he'd dropped. "No," he whispered._

" _It's amazing. You're gonna love it." Logan turned off the faucet and dried his hands on a dish towel, only then noticing the expression on Carlos' face. "Hey. I'm sorry, I should've clarified...it's not a date. I don't date. It's nothing against you, I just—"_

" _No, I totally get it. That's fine, I'm happy to just be your friend."_

 _Logan didn't seem convinced of that. "Really? Because you were extremely flirty the day we met. And..." Face on fire, he continued, "You did call me beautiful."_

" _Yeah, well...you are. I'd date you in a second. But I respect that you're not into that, or into_ me _like that, and...I don't have any smart friends. I mean, not that Kendall's stupid or anything, but—"_

" _I get it," Logan chuckled. "And that's all I'm offering. Friendship. Or at least one day full of science. You deserve that."_

" _I'll take it! And I'm buying dinner." Logan started to protest, reminding Carlos that it wasn't a date; Carlos waved that away. "Friends do that. It's my way of saying thank you. I expect you to educate me on everything while we're there."_

 _A soft smile widened Logan's mouth. "I'd enjoy that."_

 _Caught up in Logan's eyes, which were for once looking right into his own, Carlos was at a loss for words. The need to kiss those lips was almost impossible to fight, and he knew it would only be worse when Logan was expounding scientific knowledge. The seconds stretched out between them, neither breaking the moment; how was he going to survive an entire day of this?_

* * *

"And that's when you two walked out here and ruined my moment! He was actually looking at me, _noticing_ me, and then bam! He runs out of here like a pack of wild dogs is on his heels."

James glanced over at Kendall, impressed. "Carlos. The fact that he invited you to hang out with him...nice work!"

"Yeah, but you saw him when he left just now. What if he changed his mind?"

"Don't let him," Kendall instructed while scooping up a bite of brownie with vanilla ice cream melting over it. "If he tries to back out tomorrow, remind him that you're okay with being just friends."

"Guilt him if you have to," James agreed. "Tell him you were so excited about the museum and the observatory. Look sad if he tries to cancel."

"That part won't be acting," Carlos sighed. Kendall passed him a napkin and he wiped chocolate fudge from his chin. "It was nice to have him alone for a bit, though."

"You're welcome," Kendall smiled. "We had a lot to talk about with Paul, so..."

"Anything I need to know?"

James shook his head. "Just go straight to the office when you get off work. And plan to leave on your date right after."

Carlos argued, "It's not a date. If I let myself believe it is, I'll ruin it."

"It's totally a date," James smirked. "Logan doesn't take dudes anywhere. He doesn't even have friends he hangs out with other than me. If he asked you to go with him, it's a date. He just doesn't know it yet."

"Stop it! Don't get my hopes up, man!" Carlos swallowed down milk. "I'd invite you guys, but I think we really do need time alone."

"Nope," Kendall said. "We're not going without Noah. We're gonna wait for him."

James' half-smile died. "I really wanted to take him there."

"You will, babe. _We_ will."

Having cleaned his plate, Carlos pushed his chair back. "I can see you both are exhausted, so I'm going to leave you in peace. Thanks for dinner! It was incredible."

"Thanks for cleaning up," James replied. He let Kendall be the one to walk Carlos to the door, but called out, "We'll see you after work!"

"I'll be there!"

Kendall stepped out in the hallway after Carlos. "Hey. I just want to thank you again, for all of this. I know it's a hassle going through a background check and a drug test."

"Dude, it's fine. I want you guys to get Noah back. I see the difference in him," he added, referring to James. "It's like his light has gone out."

Kendall thought that was a perfect way to describe it. "I've had the same thought."

"Take him to bed, make him forget for a little while."

"I did that earlier."

"Do it again. Help him keep his sanity."

"Sleep will do that."

Carlos leaned closer and whispered, "But sex is more fun."

"Get out of here," Kendall laughed, shoving Carlos away. "I know what my man needs. Now you go home and figure out what _your_ man needs."

"Kendall, I'm gonna dream about him all night. Can't wait!"

"See you tomorrow," Kendall smiled. "Night."

"See ya!"

When Kendall returned to the apartment, James was cleaning up their dessert dishes. "Leave it."

"What?" James asked, looking up from the table.

"Leave it, babe. We'll take care of it in the morning."

"They'll be harder to clean if we let them sit like this."

"I don't care. You're coming to bed with me. Now."

Even through the exhaustion, James' eyes suddenly glowed with that light. His breathing faltered. Kendall held out a hand and he went, and they proved Logan right by leaving the lights on in the kitchen and living room; moments like this didn't help the impending energy crisis.

But even more importantly, they proved Carlos right—sex _was_ more fun.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N—And here we have Saturday, which starts out with yet another visit to the law office. Poor James just wants this whole thing to be over. :( Thank you for reading! This chapter cuts off abruptly but the next will continue where this one left off. And to those of you who read "It's Time We're Aware" thank you! It was a nice break from the sadness in this story.

* * *

Saturday morning brought with it light showers and gray skies. Kendall refused to take that as an omen. Instead he took the wheel of James' car and steered it to Black Forest, not wanting to make the same mistake of starting out their day without the coffee James needed.

Carlos was happy to see them, as always, and while waiting for their order James came up with the sneaky idea for him to leave his car parked at the coffeehouse and hire a driver to get him to Paul's office. "That way Logan will feel even more guilty about backing out on your date; you don't have a way home now and you'll have to wait around for hours until we're done and can drive you back."

"What if he just offers to drive me home instead?" Carlos fretted.

Kendall shrugged. "It's still time alone with him. Just not...as much."

Carlos groaned. "I really really want this to happen today. I feel like he was close last night, like that moment right before you guys came back he was starting to open himself up to the idea."

"Get that moment back," James commanded. "Get him talking about things that interest him. Like his work."

"I love hearing about his work."

"Weirdo," James chuckled. "But there you go. Oh, I love you," he said to Kendall, who was passing him a steaming latte. "You realize once we're married, I'm going to insist on you getting out of bed every morning to do this for me at home."

"Please, I'll be gone long before you wake up," Kendall teased.

"Fuck that, I'd get out of bed early for this."

"And for other things," Kendall smirked. He tugged on James' shirt to bring his head closer over the counter and whispered, "Imagine me waking you up with coffee and sex every morning."

"Jesus, are you the most perfect human being to ever walk the planet or what?"

Kendall grinned. "I'm just gonna make my mocha and we can get going."

James moved away as Carlos called out the next order. Kendall had almost finished his drink when Carlos nudged him and said quietly, "Uh oh." He followed Carlos' gaze to the front door, where Corey had been stopped by James and was looking like a deer caught in headlights. "He looks like he's about to piss himself."

"If James yells at him about the detective, I'm never making his latte again."

He picked up his mocha and started to move around the counter, but Carlos grabbed his arm. "Wait. Corey doesn't look scared now. He looks...surprised?"

He did. Kendall's heart filled with warmth. "He's apologizing. He's actually doing it. The things this man will do for me."

He waited another ten seconds to approach, squeezing James' shoulder from behind once he got there. "Hey, Corey."

"Kendall. Hey." Green eyes that were still uncertain moved between Kendall's face and James', then he nodded and said, "Well, I gotta get to work."

"See you next time," Kendall smiled. They were outside when he said, "Thank you. I know you did that for me."

"I'm trying," James admitted. "I still don't really like the guy, but...Noah would be proud of me. For being nice. I don't want him to see me as a monster so I need to start...not acting like one all the time."

"Babe, it's not all the time. You're a good person."

"I could be better," James shrugged. He allowed Kendall to kiss him before moving toward the car. "It was worth it just for that kiss." After a hearty chug of his latte, he added, "I'm ready for today. I've got my coffee and a kiss from the man of my dreams...I can face anything."

"That's great, babe, but can we face it in the car where it's warm and dry?"

"Wuss," James teased, though he did click the locks open. Once inside, he dragged Kendall in for a proper kiss. "Just to warm you up," he winked.

"That'll do it."

It was good to see James back to his old self and determined to win; Kendall worked hard to hide the anxiety he was feeling, not wanting it to spread to James. There was so much riding on this, on what they put together today. If they couldn't convince a judge James was a capable father...

Kendall shuddered just thinking about it. Not only might he never see Noah again, but James would be an empty shell of the man Kendall had fallen in love with. He stood to lose so much more than just a prospective stepson, because if they didn't win and remained a couple (which Kendall would absolutely insist on), James wouldn't be the same person.

Then again, after suffering such a blow to his confidence in law to make things right in the world, would _he_?

"Cold?" James asked, noting the shudder.

"A little," Kendall answered; it wasn't _totally_ a lie.

James put the heater on before slipping his hand into Kendall's. For once, Kendall was glad James wasn't wearing the black leather gloves; the touch of James' hand was just what he needed.

"It's gonna be okay," James said softly as he drove. "Noah belongs with us, and the judge will see that."

He sounded so sure. As the rain came down heavier and blurred their surroundings, Kendall tried hard to believe it.

* * *

The first hour was spent putting together a script of questions/statements for those giving depositions. They narrowed down what were the important points to get across to a judge for maximum impact, and before they knew it Harvey was being shown into the conference room.

Somehow even rain couldn't make him look less dignified.

Logan also arrived right on time, Kendall picking up on his nerves immediately in the closed-off body language. Wondering if that was due to the deposition or the impending date with Carlos (or possibly both), he caught Logan's eye and gestured toward the door. "If you need to dry off a little, I can show you where the restroom is."

It was said in an offhand manner, but Logan got the message: _Come with me. Now._ "Uh...yeah. Thanks. I'll be right back," he said to James, Paul, and Tracy. Though James' eyes narrowed in suspicion, he let them go.

"You good?" Kendall asked out in the hall.

"Nervous," Logan admitted.

"About the deposition?"

"A little. I've never done this sort of thing before. I thought there would be a court reporter."

"Oh, she's here. She went to get more coffee, I think."

"Ah."

They turned into the restroom and Kendall laid a hand on Logan's shoulder. "Listen. I know you're probably second-guessing your plans with Carlos today."

Logan looked away, arms across his chest again.

"As his best friend, I'm supposed to give that whole 'Break his heart and I'll break your legs' speech. But since I'm a realist, I'll just say...if you honestly aren't interested at all, please don't give him false hope. Break the date today and just...move on. He'll get the hint."

"It's not a date," was what Logan finally said. He still wouldn't meet Kendall's eyes.

"That's what he said, too, but he wants it to be. You have to know that."

"I do," Logan sighed. "And it's what keeps tempting me to cancel. The thing is...I offered to take him because I know how much he loves the place. And I'm someone who understands why, who will let him take all the time he needs there and enjoy teaching him. But I also don't want to give him that false hope, you know? Because I'm really not interested in a relationship of any kind."

"How about friendship?"

Logan shrugged. "It's hard when I know he wants so much more."

"Look, do me a favor. Do _yourself_ a favor. Just spend one day with him. That's it. If you want, I can talk to him and make sure he knows it's just one day and not to expect anything more from it. But hang out with him for one day and then if you really don't want to see him again, you don't have to."

"He's going to live with my best friend," Logan pointed out.

"That's not set in stone. I mean, yeah, we're moving him in tomorrow, but we might just end up moving him right back out Tuesday night."

Logan thought about that. "James isn't gonna let me out of helping him move tomorrow."

"Let me handle James. Do this for me today, and you're off the hook tomorrow. If you don't want to help us, you don't have to."

"Really?" Logan seemed skeptical. "You think you can convince James to let it go?"

Kendall smiled slowly; he was pretty sure he could convince James to do anything. "I'm not worried about it. He'll get over it. What matters most to him right now is you doing your part to help get Noah back. You do that, and he'll forgive anything else."

The apprehension was back. "What if...?"

"What?"

"What if the things I say end up hurting him instead?"

Kendall frowned, not following. "How is that even possible? You're just going to talk about the past, and how things were with Sherry and Shannon back then."

"I know, but...there's a lot of stuff I don't want to put James through again. He's left so much of that behind, mentally. Created a new life. It's not going to be easy for him to relive it all. I don't know how much he's told you, but I do know he's blocked out some of it. Especially where Shannon is concerned. Because she hurt him and...I just don't want this to tear him apart more than he already is."

Surprised by the words, as he'd never considered that Logan's reluctance to testify might be coming from the need to protect James, Kendall wasn't sure how to respond. His continued silence prompted Logan to head for the paper towel dispenser. He used some of those to absorb moisture from his hair and face.

"So your concern here is for James?" Kendall finally asked. "For his...mental and emotional health?"

"He's my best friend, Kendall. I know you two have become extremely close, but you weren't there for all of that, for the worst times in his life. Well...not that losing his son isn't horrible too, but..."

"No, I get what you're saying."

"He shut down in regards to Shannon. It was the only way he could cope with losing her when she cut him out of her life. There are..."

"What?" Kendall asked when Logan trailed off. But rather than finish the thought, Logan shook his head.

"Nothing. My point is James left all of that behind and moved on. Me bringing it up today is just going to send him back to that place. His suicidal tendencies pretty much went away when the drugs did, but there was a period after Shannon cut him out where I was worried about that. It was scary."

"I can imagine. But Logan, he's stronger now. And when he's not...I'm here. He's not alone."

"I know, I just...it's going to be hard for me to sit in the room with him and go back through it all."

"Okay, then he won't sit in there. Paul said if any of you object to his presence, you can say that."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's gonna go over well. It'll just piss him off."

"So what? As long as you go in and do everything you can to help him, he'll get over it. Let me worry about James, okay? You just do your part."

It was awhile before Logan spoke. "Okay. Get him out of that room and I'll talk."

"Deal. Spend a day with Carlos and I'll get you out of seeing him tomorrow."

Logan nodded. "Fine. Thank you."

"Thank _you_."

The restroom door suddenly flew open. "Hello, time is money, people! The longer you stand around bullshitting in here, the more I have to pay this court reporter. It doesn't take this long to pee."

Kendall laughed and reached out for James' hand. "I'm hungry. We should've picked up breakfast with our coffee."

"There are donuts in the conference room. Let's get back in there so we can get this moving."

"I need more than donuts. And Logan didn't have time for breakfast, either. Let's go get something from the bakery across the street."

James' brows drew together. "What, _now_? Are you seriously suggesting we walk out and go get breakfast _now_? What part of 'the longer we keep her waiting, the more money I have to pay' do you not get, Kendall?"

"We won't keep her waiting; Logan's gonna go do his deposition while we pick up breakfast." Kendall gently steered James out of the bathroom. "He said you'll know what he wants."

"Are you insane? I need to be there for this."

"No, babe, you don't. Trust Logan, and trust Paul. He knows what he's doing. I'm sure Carlos will be hungry, too, and the least we can do is buy them breakfast."

James spun around and looked past Kendall to find Logan, who was just entering the hall. "Is this your doing?"

"I'm hungry," Logan shrugged. "And...nervous about the Carlos thing. You know food always helps settle my nerves."

"Oh my god, Logan, he's not going to attack you. He knows it isn't a date!"

"Hey, you wanted me to give him a chance. I am. I just need food to get me through it. So..."

"It's fine," Kendall promised. "We already know what questions Paul is going to ask Logan. And we'll discuss everything after the depositions are done so that we know what we're working with. If I don't get actual food soon, I'll just get crankier. Come on, babe."

"Ugggggggh, I hate you both," James groaned. He pointed a finger at Logan. "You'd better not screw this up for me! I'm counting on you, Logan. I _need_ you."

"I know," Logan replied, and the look in his eyes told Kendall that he _did_ know and would do his part. "I got this."

"Fine. But I'm holding your croissant hostage until Paul tells me he got what he needs from you."

"Trust him," Kendall urged softly. "Come on." He pushed James toward the door leading outside, glad the rain had stopped momentarily so that James wouldn't insist on going back for his jacket. He glanced over his shoulder once, and Logan nodded. He would do what needed to be done.

Kendall only hoped it was enough.

* * *

Carlos arrived just as Logan was stepping out of the conference room. Kendall had convinced James to eat their breakfast in the lobby so as not to interrupt the proceedings, and they had a front-row seat to the heavy moment passing between Carlos and Logan as their eyes met. Seeing that fear come over Logan again, Kendall said a silent prayer that Logan would fight it and go through with the planned "non-date."

"Hey," Carlos said quietly.

"Hi."

The room fell silent and Kendall sensed James about to make a sarcastic remark, so he squeezed James' hand to shut him up. It worked, and the seconds stretched out.

"They're ready for you," Logan finally shared.

"Great. I shouldn't be long, Paul said it would be quick, so...unless you changed your mind about..."

Kendall and James both held their breath waiting for Logan's answer.

Which didn't come.

 _Dammit, Logan. You can_ do _this._

"Hi, you must be Carlos."

Everyone looked over at Paul, who had stepped out into the lobby.

"Yeah, hi."

"You can go on in, I'm just getting more coffee. Logan, thanks again. We'll see you Tuesday, right?"

"I'll be there," Logan agreed. At least in that there was no hesitation, and Kendall felt James relax a bit.

"Here, eat your croissant that you had to have. It'll settle your stomach," James hinted.

"Thanks."

Logan took the bag, still avoiding Carlos' gaze. "Um...there are two."

"One's for Carlos," Kendall replied. "We thought you'd be hungry," he smiled. "And who knows when you'll eat again, with your big adventure planned and all."

That did the trick, Carlos' mouth widening into a grin. "I really am excited, I have to admit. So much to learn today!"

"Did you drive over?" Logan abruptly asked.

"No, I thought it would be silly since...I mean, I can catch a ride home later with these guys if..."

Logan waved a hand. "That's perfect. No rush on the deposition, we have all day at the museum. I'll just kill time eating breakfast and checking in with work."

All of Carlos' anxiety and hesitation melted away. He beamed as he said, "I'll eat while we talk, just to speed things up a little. Are we doing this or what, Paul?"

"We're doing this," Paul chuckled, not quite understanding the undercurrent running through the room, but getting enough of it to know the tension had passed. "Are you two joining us this time?"

"Hell yeah." James stood up. Before he moved toward the door, though, he dragged Logan into a tight hug. "Thank you. Without you we have no chance."

"I'm here for you," Logan nodded, then stepped away. "I just want you to be happy."

"Kendall and Noah do that for me, so..."

"Yeah."

"See you tomorrow," James reminded him, and because Logan still hadn't made up his mind on that, he said nothing.

Kendall pulled James gently toward the door leading into the back area. "Come on, babe. Let's get this done."

* * *

After Carlos, it was Jett. By the time he was done giving his testimony, all of Kendall's enmity toward him had fallen away; it was clear the man not only cared about James, but enough to admit on record that he'd screwed up out of bitter jealousy. And when Kendall mentally put himself in Jett's shoes, he realized that he would be devastated and angry at the sudden inexplicable loss of James as well—especially if there was a new man magically in James' life.

They shook hands before Jett took his leave, James walking his friend out of the office. They all used the time to refill on refreshments and run to the restroom, enjoying the stretches provided by standing and walking, and then reconvened in the conference room minus the court reporter. It was like the day before, with James and Kendall on one side, Paul and Tracy on the other.

"Okay," Paul nodded. "We've got everything we need, now we just have to lay it out to present our side of the story in a way that shows your home is the best place for Noah. Give me a minute to put it all together."

Paul used a pad to make an outline while Tracy looked on and offered a few suggestions. As they waited, James laid his head on Kendall's shoulder; the fatigue was starting to set in again. Kendall kissed his hair, wrapping an arm around him, and wondered how James would feel about a date night for themselves. Just one night away from all of this, a break from the intensely emotional situation to get their minds on something not so draining even for a few hours. He knew neither of them would be able to forget Noah completely during that time, because most likely wherever they went they'd both be thinking things like "Noah would love this dessert," but if nothing else Kendall thought they needed to reaffirm their own relationship and that it could stand on its own even if...

He didn't want to think about that.

"Thank you," James whispered, his lips then pressing briefly to Kendall's neck.

"For what?"

"Everything, I guess, but right now I'm thinking about the way you were with Jett. I know you have reason to hate him, and I'm grateful that you don't."

"Well, you grew up and apologized to Corey, so...it was the least I could do. And the truth is, I understand where Jett's head was, so..."

"How?"

"I just mean that if you did that to me, I'd probably be drunk and bitter, too."

James tilted his head back so that he could meet Kendall's gaze. "I'd never do that to you. You know that, right?"

"You'd better not," Kendall smiled, though the mere thought of it squeezed his heart with fear. "If you ever get to that point, where you feel like the magic is gone and you'd be happier with someone else—"

"Kendall, don't even joke about that."

"I'm not joking, babe. I'm serious. Should that time ever come, promise me we'll talk about it first. Before you make any decisions about us and the future. I always want us to be open with our feelings. If you're pissed at me, tell me. If I hurt you, tell me. If you just...don't love me anymore...please tell me."

Instead of the heated denial Kendall expected James to make, it was contemplative silence that answered Kendall's plea. That fear was squeezing James' heart, too. "Promise me you'll do the same. I know you'd never want to hurt me, but...tell me if your feelings change and..."

"I will," Kendall promised.

James nodded. "Okay. Me, too. I love you so much."

"I love you."

Hands clapped together, startling them both. "Okay, I think we have—" Paul cut off, frowning across the table. Without a word Tracy slid a box of tissues toward them, and they waited for Kendall and James to use them. "Everything okay?"

James sat up straighter and cleared his throat. "Yeah, just...so much happening."

"James, I feel confident about this. We have what we need to prove you're capable of raising Noah. And if there are doubts, visits from social services over time will back you up. I'm confident that the judge will at least give you a chance."

"As long as we can prove that everything she said was lies," Kendall said. "Right?"

"Well, yes, that's the hard part. But like I said before, the drug tests do half that job for us. The rest is on Logan and Jett, and both gave solid testimony."

"What exactly did Logan say?" James wanted to know.

"We'll go over everything. But here's how it's looking right now."

Paul took them through it, beginning with the process of tearing apart Sherry's attack. There were of course the drug tests, and Jett's statement that everything he'd said to the detective was false and borne of drunken jealousy. Along with that would be James' testimony under oath and in front of the judge stating that he no longer brought men home with him other than Kendall, and that he'd never brought any other man around Noah outside of Carlos and Logan.

"At that point we'll offer to keep Kendall away as well, if the judge sees fit."

James' eyes fell closed as a tortured sigh left him. Kendall took the hand that was already reaching for his, and once James was ready, he nodded for Paul to go on.

"Wait," Kendall interrupted. "Would it be better if I wasn't even there? In the courtroom?"

"Are you insane?" James spat. "I can't go through that without you!"

"Babe, if it helps—"

"It should be fine," Paul stated, silencing them both. "We're making no secret of the fact that James is in a committed, monogamous relationship with you, and in that case you'd want to be there for him. It actually shows that you care, for both him and Noah."

"The judge probably won't even know he's there," James pointed out. "He doesn't know what you look like."

"He does," Tracy disagreed. "He's got pictures, remember?"

"Oh. Right." James sighed again. "But Paul said it's fine, so you're not going anywhere. I refuse to even think about keeping you away unless I have to."

"Okay," Kendall nodded, his hand numb from the way James was squeezing it; he didn't mind. "I'll be there."

"Damn right you will." With a toss of his head, James returned his focus to Paul. "So what's next? We offer to...that thing I won't think about, and then what?"

"Then we set about showing that you are capable of raising Noah, and why she's not. Harvey's testimony about the safety of The Pembroke will help that, and we'll lay out your plan regarding Carlos moving in as the caretaker. We won't mention anything about Kendall's plans to move in, but obviously if social service visits become mandatory, he isn't going to anyway. We also offer the changes you're willing to make in your own life. Before you leave today we'll get all of that from you in writing, but I'm referring to the job change and state-licensed childcare, and of course Carlos not moving in if that would be better for Noah in the eyes of the court. Bottom line, you'll do whatever it takes to gain custody of Noah, and we'll make that clear."

"Yes," James agreed. "I will do anything."

"As long as the judge believes that, we're good."

Kendall bit his lip, hesitant to speak something that had been on his mind for days. "If that's enough...do we really need to attack Sherry?"

James shifted sideways in his chair in outrage. "What? What are you even talking about? Of course we really need to! It's the only way we're going to win!"

"Is it, though? Paul just said as long as a judge believes everything we've come up with so far, we should be good."

"Should be," James echoed. " _Should be_. That's not enough. I won't take chances, not with this. What the hell is your problem?"

Kendall kept waiting for Paul to step in, but he didn't; he merely watched them with the wheels turning in his head, obviously waiting to see where Kendall was going with this. "My problem," Kendall finally said, "is that...I think Noah does love his grandmother. And even if he doesn't, she loves him."

"She's a monster!" James yelled. "Do I need to remind you that she accused me of molesting my own son? That she...she made it sound like you were, too? Did you forget all of that, Kendall?!"

"No, of course not. I despise the woman."

"Then what's the issue? Why are you suddenly concerned with her feelings?"

"It's not hers I'm concerned with. It's Noah's. When I talked to him about her the first couple of days, there was no hatred there. There was fear, but no hatred. She may be a monster, but she's still his grandmother, James. She's still a link to his mother. And it's clear he loves Pete. You heard him on the phone yesterday, he wasn't suffering over there." When James looked as if he was about to blow up, Kendall cut him off with, "I'm just saying that I think tearing his grandmother apart so much that a judge believes she's a monster is only a last resort. If we do that, we're as bad as she is."

"But everything we're saying is true, Kendall! That's the difference here. She made up lies. I'm not making up shit. She made my own son believe I'm evil, that I don't love him, and that I never wanted him. Tell me how I'm supposed to be okay with that. With her continuing to put those ideas in his head."

"She won't. Paul said we'd offer visitation for her, as long as it's supervised. But I'm just thinking about how much Noah loves to watch baseball with his grandpa. About how much he loves her apple pie. And even you admitted you understand why she's doing all of this. She loves him, James. She's as afraid to lose him as you are."

"So what? He's _my_ son. I lost five years of his life because of her. Five years of Shannon's life. Nothing you say will ever convince me that she deserves his love, Kendall." James rubbed a hand over his forehead, and when he spoke again it was in a less heated voice. "I don't get it, babe. I thought we were on the same page here. Why are you suddenly on her side?"

"I'm not, I swear. I want Noah back home with you just as badly as you do."

"Then where is your head?"

"It's..." Kendall shrugged, wishing they weren't having this discussion with an audience. "Look, I remember what it's like to go through all of this. The custody battle. My dad left, but he did try to get custody of me and Katie at first. And it was a nightmare. I watched them rip each other apart and use us against each other and the things they said about each other...I just don't want Noah to go through that. He loves his grandparents, and I think he's afraid to tell you that because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings."

"But Kendall..." James sighed, wondering how to combat that. "Noah won't even be in the courtroom. And he said himself he'd rather live with us."

"I know, I'm not saying I don't want you to have custody. I just don't want a judge to hate her so much that he can never visit them. Grandparents are important for a kid to have."

"Well...I have a mom. She's willing to try. And your mom will love him, you said that."

"I know, babe, but my mom isn't his true grandparent. He needs that link to his mother, because I guarantee that kid is holding in a ton of feelings about her death. We've barely scratched the surface of that. And I think he's so afraid to hurt you or chase you away that he's afraid to talk about it." James said nothing to that. "Bottom line, this is your case. He's your son. You do what you need to in order to get him back. But if you can do that without sinking to her level, I think you should."

James' bottom lip trembled. "I'm afraid that if we don't make her a monster, she has a chance of winning him back later. Because she's not going to be satisfied with this. She's just gonna keep attacking me and trying to win him back. We need to make sure that doesn't happen."

"James?" Paul tried softly, as if afraid to interrupt. "Would you be open to offering one weekend a month?"

James blinked rapidly, mind still on his fear of losing Noah. "For what?"

"For a visit. Noah spending one weekend a month at his grandparents' house. You drop him off Friday night and pick him up Sunday evening."

"So she can put more ideas in his head? No, thank you."

"Babe, two days a month isn't going to be enough for her to damage him," Kendall pointed out. "And Pete will be there."

"Like that made a difference over the past five years?"

"I think Pete's changed. He's going behind her back to sneak phone calls in. I know he won't testify against her in court, but he's at least willing to defy her in secret. It's a start."

James shook his head against Kendall's words. "It's not enough. But Paul...do you think that would make me look better? If I offer that?"

"Honestly? Yes. It goes back to you being the rational one while she's unwilling to compromise. Kendall's right, this is your case and your money so I'll use whatever strategy you tell me to. But your full compliance with everything the court recommends is what's going to win you this case."

"Can I have a minute to think?"

"Sure."

Paul pushed his chair back and started to stand, but James shook his head. "No, I'll leave. I just need a few minutes." When Kendall also rose, James glanced back with an expression that told him to stay. For once, James needed to make a decision without Kendall and while it hurt, Kendall understood; he just prayed he hadn't ruined their relationship by suggesting they go easy on Sherry.


	38. Chapter 38

A/N—Hi guys! This is actually pretty short chapter that wraps up the meeting with Paul (which James walked out of to think). I decided to break before starting the next section because it's a lot to deal with for them. That will hopefully be up later this week. Depends on how my next day off goes. Thanks for reading!

* * *

Kendall was starting to worry when James hadn't returned after ten minutes. "I'm gonna go find him."

Paul nodded, and Kendall was halfway to the door when it opened and James slipped in. He'd been crying. Kendall's heart bled and he reached for James, who ignored the outstretched arms and moved to his seat.

So this was it. He'd definitely ruined it. Fear turned his insides to ice. Was his presence in the room even wanted anymore?

"Babe? You gonna join us? Time is money."

Back still to the table, Kendall almost fainted with relief. He took a deep breath and then turned to find James' eyes on him. The expression was unreadable, taking Kendall back to those two years in which he'd never known what James was thinking, but at least it wasn't hatred or anger.

James waited for Kendall to sit, keeping his hands clasped in his lap to say, "So here's what I want to do. You did say Noah wouldn't be in the room, right? That's for sure?"

"It's rare that the child is in the actual room, yes. Sometimes a judge will ask for the child to be present only long enough to question him or her, or the judge will take the child aside into his chambers if he feels the child won't speak freely in front of parents. I can pretty much guarantee that Noah won't be in the room."

"Okay," James nodded. "Then my plan is this. We go ahead and use Logan's testimony. We use the schoolwork. We make it clear that Noah does not consider her part of his life, because as he himself stated..." Now there was a glare Kendall's way. "...Gramma is bad. So you can sit here and tell me he loves his grandmother all you want, but it came from his own mouth, Kendall. _Gramma is bad_. I will do anything in my power to keep him away from her. As long as that's what he wants."

"Understood," Paul said. "So then—"

"However."

Paul went quiet again, waiting for James to continue.

"Kendall isn't wrong to say that Noah is afraid of hurting me. That kid's smart, way smarter than me, and he knows I'm going to see that schoolwork eventually. He's smart enough to write what he wants me to see, and I admit that he probably didn't think of her as bad until we opened his eyes to the fact that she's filled his head with lies over the years. The only person he's been completely open and honest with in all of this is Kendall. Is there a way I can arrange for him to talk to Kendall before we file anything? So I get the truth from my son about what he wants?"

"Unfortunately, that's not possible. Not since Kendall was named in the petition as someone damaging to Noah," Paul explained.

"Okay. Then I just have to go with what feels right to me. We use Logan's testimony. We use the schoolwork. We state that I'm concerned that him living with his grandmother will ruin his life the way it did Shannon's. But we also say that in spite of that, I'm willing to allow them to have him one weekend a month because I know that my son does love his grandparents and I don't want to deny him the one link he has left to his mother. All I want is for my son to be happy. Plus it makes me look good, like you said."

"It does," Paul agreed. "And we'll make sure that the judge understands just how much influence Sherry has had over Noah's beliefs about you as a person. How much she's lied and will most likely continue to lie."

"Just as long as she doesn't have enough time with him to make him believe all of that again," James worried. "Because I can't handle my son hating me or being afraid of me."

"He won't," Kendall promised softly. "He knows now, James. Like you said, he's smart. I've tried to make him understand that it's important to decide things for himself. He loves you and that won't change."

Not putting any stock in Kendall's comments, James continued, "And he won't know what's said in the courtroom, right? Like the fact that if he does come to live with me, Kendall probably won't be there. He won't know that until after the hearing?"

Kendall wasn't following. "What does that have to—"

"Because if he knows that, he might not even want to live with me anymore." James' voice shook, his arms across his chest and his gaze nowhere near Kendall.

"James—"

"Kendall, you know I'm right." When James blinked rapidly, a few tears squeezed out. "Without you there, we're nothing."

"Jesus Christ, James, he loves you for you. It's not about me!"

"I think in time we could be okay without you, but for now it's going to be rough and—"

"Okay, hold on," Paul interjected. "James, you're working yourself up over something that might not even happen."

It was true, he was falling apart and when Kendall reached out for him, he didn't fight it this time. He let Kendall wrap him up tightly. "Listen to me," Kendall whispered. "He loves so many things about you and about living with you. I know we're a family but...you're his dad. He feels safe with you now. He knows you'll take care of him. It's gonna be okay, babe. With or without me, you two are a family and he wants to be with you."

"You're the one who makes him feel safe."

"So do you. I promise, you're enough on your own. He would still choose you over them."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. One hundred percent. Remember? 'Daddy is fun.' He loves your tacos and your airplane spins and how you do the voices in stories."

"He loves her corn."

"Please, she's got nothing on you," Kendall chuckled. "You've got Uncle Logan and planets on the wall. And all the books he could ever want."

"I guess that's true," James sniffed.

"Just let him watch his educational television and cook him dinner. And maybe let him win at Candy Land. You know what the best thing is that you have to offer?"

"You?"

"No, not me. _School_. He's not gonna gets swings and slides and Zavey at Grandma's house. He's not gonna get interaction with other kids or a normal life. He's seen what that's like now, babe. He won't want to go back to the old life. I mean, he already spent a day there and said he wants to come back to you."

"To _us_."

"To your home. _His_ home. Just have a little more confidence in yourself as a dad. I promise, you are enough, James."

"Okay." James used the new tissue that Kendall passed him. "Sorry," he said to Paul and Tracy. "I swear I'm not like this all the time."

"You're going through a lot," Tracy said kindly. "It's hard to hold on sometimes."

"He's just...he's everything to me. I want to be that to him. I want to give him the world."

"We'll go with your plan," Paul stated. "I think it is important to show that she's not good for Noah, but it's just as important to show that you're willing to give a little for your son's sake."

"That's what we'll do then." James sat up straighter. Kendall let go. "So what did Logan say?"

They moved on to that, getting back on track, and by the time the meeting was done James felt confident that he'd regain custody of his son. Kendall agreed.

What Kendall wasn't sure of was where he and James stood at this point.

* * *

For the third day in a row, they closed themselves in the car after an emotional meeting with Paul. Kendall knew James was barely holding on and insisted on taking the wheel.

James said nothing, only tossed Kendall the keys before settling in and closing his eyes.

Kendall moved to start the car but dropped his hand to his lap instead. He needed to know they were okay. "Can we talk about it?" he tried hesitantly.

There was no reply.

"Please. I don't like this feeling, and we just agreed to be open with each other and communicate. Don't shut me out. Yell at me if you need to."

"I'm not gonna yell at you," James sighed, still not opening his eyes. "I'm trying to understand."

"Which part?"

"The part where you completely went against everything we've talked about from the moment I took Noah in. You _know_ she's a monster. You know she'll stop at nothing to keep him from me." When Kendall didn't deny that, James shifted to look at him and continued, "And what _I_ know is that you wouldn't have said those things if they weren't true. I trust you, so much that rather than yell at you that you're wrong, what I'm trying to do is understand why you would say that and where your head is."

Well, that was a relief at least—and more mature than Kendall would have expected from his fiance; James really _was_ trying to be a better person. "My head is with Noah. I wish I'd talked to him more about his grandparents so I could get a better feel for what he really wants."

"But he's made it clear that what he wants is to live with me."

"I know, babe, and he will. That's not the issue here. What I don't want to do is keep him from his grandparents, for all of the reasons I said in that conference room. He misses Shannon, I know he does. When I asked him about her in that collage, he could barely even look at me. There are so many feelings he can't put into words."

"How is spending a weekend with them going to help that?"

"Because they all lived through it together. Their home is the place where probably all of his memories of Shannon took place. And what you said is true—Grandma wasn't 'bad' until we made her that way."

"Oh, she was always bad," James spat.

"But he didn't know that. It's like...growing up with abuse and thinking it's normal because you don't know any different. Then suddenly you find out that it's not okay for parents to beat up their kids and it changes your entire perspective."

James rubbed a hand over his eyes as if he was too tired to think anymore. Kendall turned on the car, more than ready to get James home and in bed so he could give his mind a rest.

They'd turned out of the parking garage when James said, "I didn't know that about you. I thought we were the same, that our dads took off and never looked back. Your dad tried to win custody?"

A sound that was close to a snort escaped Kendall. "Not because he actually wanted us."

James frowned while studying Kendall. "Why else would he fight for you?"

"Because he didn't want to pay Mom child support. He knew if she had custody, he'd have to do that. He went to court to fight for money. Mom went to court to fight for _us._ "

"And won, I'm assuming."

"Yep," Kendall nodded. "The judge offered him two weekends a month and he said was 'too busy to be a good father.'"

"What the hell? He wanted you guys full-time but two weekends a month was too much?"

"Yeah, because he never really wanted us. He just wanted the money Mom would be paying him if he'd won. Once he lost, he couldn't be bothered with us."

"Babe." A hand snaked over to find Kendall's. "He's nuts. I don't know Katie at all, but any dad who wouldn't want you is absolutely mental. If Noah turns out even half as great as you are, I'd consider that an accomplishment."

The sentiment touched Kendall, who realized that maybe James wasn't the only one so tired that his emotions were taking over. He had to blink tears away. "I'd really love the chance to help that happen. To be a role model for him."

"You already are."

"I know, I just...I hope it doesn't end here. And...Katie's pretty fantastic. Just keep in mind that she meets all my boyfriends with the attitude of 'Nobody is good enough for my big brother' and don't take it personally if she comes off as a bitch. It's her default until she gets to know someone."

A smile tugged at James' lips. "Somehow all of that makes me like her even more. She's protective of you. And she's right."

"About?"

"Nobody's good enough for you. One of my biggest fears is that one day you'll wake up and realize how much better you can do than me."

Kendall shook his head slowly. "It kills me when you say things like that. When you talk like you're not worthy of good things. You are, James. You're a good man and a good father, and the best partner I could ask for in life. You've got it all, babe."

"Well, if nothing else, I've got you fooled."

"James," Kendall chuckled. He lifted James' hand and kissed it. "Stop it, you're exactly what I need. When I think about how much I was missing before without even—"

"Hold that thought." James slipped his hand free to reach into a pocket for his ringing phone. "It might be Paul." He gasped when he saw the display and hissed, "It's Noah!"

"Put it on speaker!" Kendall wasted no time finding a place to pull over, not wanting to miss a second of the conversation.

"Hello?"

"Daddy?"

"Hi, baby!" James didn't have to fake the excitement in his voice, face lit up to match. "I miss you!"

"Grandpa said I can't talk long."

"Okay, I understand. Is Grandma home?"

"She's outside. In the garden. She grows vegetables."

"Oh, that's..." Trying to remember what Kendall said, that Grandma wasn't always a monster in Noah's mind, James finished, "That's nice. How are you?"

"Okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm great, baby. Kendall's taking good care of me."

"I told him to! Is he there?"

"I'm here." He had a tough time speaking over the lump in his throat. "Hi, buddy."

"Hi! Grandpa made me hot chocolate but it wasn't as yummy as yours."

Kendall grinned. "I just have the magic touch, I guess. You're doing good? Everything's okay?"

"Yeah." Kendall's eyes narrowed because he heard something off in Noah's voice. The reason became clear in the next sentence. "Grandma said I can't go home."

"Noah," James sighed. "Don't believe that. Your grandma wants you to live there, and I understand that, but I want you home with me. Remember, if anyone asks you where you want to live, tell the truth." He hesitated before adding, "Whatever that is. If you want to stay there, tell the judge that."

"No, I want to live with you and Kendall!"

James bit his lip.

"I have to go, she's coming! Bye, Daddy!"

"Fuck," James muttered under his breath.

"Bye, Noah," Kendall squeezed in. "We love you."

The line went dead. "I didn't say goodbye," James pouted.

"There wasn't time, he probably didn't even hear what I said. You okay?"

"That was nothing, like what...two seconds? I can't do this, Kendall. I can't fucking handle two seconds with my son. It just makes me miss him more."

"He'll be home in a few days. I can't promise that everything will work out the way we want it to, but that much I can almost guarantee."

"Almost isn't good enough. I know you don't understand why I'm insisting on painting her as a bad guardian, but—"

"Oh, I understand it. I've always understood it, James."

Frustration mounted on James' face. "You do?"

"Of course. You want to make sure she has no chance of getting him in the future. You said that earlier. And I understand your fears."

"Then why are you fighting me on this?"

"I told you why. Noah needs his grandparents. His _true_ grandparents."

James studied him shrewdly. "This is about your dad, isn't it?"

"What? It has nothing to do with my dad."

"It does. I don't know how, but somehow your past is affecting your feelings on this."

"Babe, my past affects my feelings on everything. It's the reason I'm in school to be an attorney in the first place." At a cocked eyebrow from James, Kendall amended, " _Was_ in school. It's the reason I want Noah to have the option of being with family who actually wants him."

Clarity dawned in James' eyes. "Oh. Oh my god, I get it. You never had that with your dad. So you don't want Noah to throw that chance away, to be with family who loves him. Because deep down, you know he loves them, too."

Kendall's reply was a glare.

"Babe. You still love your dad, don't you?"

"We're not talking about me." Kendall pulled out into traffic, gaze straight ahead.

"Do you ever talk to him?"

"Nope."

"How long has it been?"

"Long enough that I know he doesn't care. If he did, he would've reached out."

"Did you reach out?"

Kendall shrugged, uncomfortable with the questions.

"Did you?" James tried gently.

"Yeah." Speaking so quietly James had to strain to hear him, Kendall added, "A few times. It never went anywhere. There was always an excuse. I finally gave up."

"Hey." James moved his seatbelt aside so that he could lay his head on Kendall's shoulder. "Like I said, he's an idiot. Anybody who could walk away from you is just...unbelievably stupid."

"I'm glad you think so." Kendall kissed James' temple. "Now fix that seatbelt, I need you safe."

James grinned but followed the instruction, his smile dying as his eyes fell on the car seat in the back. "Every time I see that thing, I get sad."

"Want me to take it out?"

"No. We'll need it to bring Noah home Tuesday."

Kendall nodded, his heart lifting at the confidence in James' tone. "And we'll need to get a second one, for my car. So we don't have to move it back and forth between them."

"Damn right, we will."

Both knew it might not happen, that Noah would possibly never sit in this car again and probably not even see Kendall's car; they'd silently and mutually decided to believe things would work out.

It was the only way to get through this.


	39. Chapter 39

A/N—Finally back with another chapter. It's my last day of vacation so I'm trying to catch up on everything, and this was on my list. Hope everyone's had a great week! :)

* * *

Lying in bed three hours later, Kendall thought he could get used to their new habit of napping in the afternoon. James was stretched out next to him, fast asleep and looking like an angel. Kendall ran a hand down his side, glad James had stripped off his shirt before climbing in to cuddle. The golden skin was warm to the touch. When Kendall followed the same path with his lips, James let out a soft hum.

"Has anyone ever told you you look angelic when you sleep?"

Pinks lips curved up into a smile. "Once. I was probably about five years old, though."

"Explains where Noah gets it," Kendall grinned. He pushed James onto his back and kissed him, tongue teasingly begging for entrance. Three seconds into that, James' breath was hitching and he was clawing at Kendall's jeans to get them off before rolling Kendall onto his back.

"I love that you don't hold back. You just let yourself feel everything, take what you want."

"I want _you_. Always want you," James whispered.

His desperation sent a shiver down Kendall's spine. It matched Kendall's own feelings, that need to quench the hunger that only James could bring about in him. "I was thinking," Kendall panted, his jeans and boxers now down to his knees thanks to James. "We should have a date."

"A date?" Further words were stifled when he stretched his lips around Kendall's length.

"Jesus," Kendall hissed. Half his mind on the lube in the drawer, he reached for it while continuing. "Yeah. Just you and me. Get away from—"

A shrill beeping interrupted his thoughts. James pulled off with a gasp. "That could be Noah!"

Kendall's head fell back onto the pillow. James was already scrambling for his phone, which he'd left on the vanity before collapsing into bed. "It better be," Kendall grumbled; anyone else would suffer his wrath for putting a stop to that phenomenal blowjob.

"It's Harvey," James frowned. "Dammit, who's here now?"

"Whoever it is, I'm going to hurt them." Kendall stood and pulled up his pants while James was handling the phone call.

"Well, who is she? A _friend_? I don't have any female friends. Wait, now? I...did she seem dangerous? Like she wanted to hurt me?"

Kendall's frustration disappeared, quickly replaced with concern. Someone was here that might be dangerous?

"It wasn't my mother, was it? Okay, just...let me see who it is first. But send up security just to be safe."

Security? Kendall headed for the front door.

"Babe, Harvey said some chick just forced her way past him to come up here. Said she was my friend."

It couldn't be Katie, could it? That was the sort of thing Katie might do, but no—she didn't even know where James lived. Kendall was about to open the door when James called out, "Don't! Use the peephole!"

Oh. Of course.

The peephole yielded nothing but a carpeted hallway. "James. What if it's Sherry?"

"What? No, Harvey said she was young. 'A young woman.' Security's on the way, so..."

Black boots topped with matching jeans and a leather jacket appeared through the hole, then the "young woman" was visible entirely. She was petite, though the jacket and red stripe running through raven-black hair made her appear tough. "What the hell?" Kendall wondered.

"What? Who is it?" James shoved him out of the way to look.

"Do you know her?"

"No."

The woman pounded loudly on the door.

"Should we wait for security?" Kendall asked.

"We can take her."

"I don't know, she looks pretty menacing."

She pounded again. "Open up!"

"Security should be here any second," James reasoned. "Go ahead and open the door. Shit, Harvey's calling again."

James spun away to answer the call. Kendall liked the idea of him further away from danger, so pushed him gently around the corner into the hallway before opening the door.

"About time."

 _About time?_ Who the hell was this girl? "Can I help you?"

Her eyes swept down Kendall's body and then back up again. "Wow, Shannon wasn't kidding. You're gorgeous."

Kendall blinked a few times before the name sank in. "Did you say Shannon?"

From behind the girl came the sound of feet running heavily on carpet and a voice called out. "Mr. Diamond! Are you alright, sir?"

Making a split decision on instinct, Kendall pulled the woman inside and stepped in front of her to greet security as they arrived. "It's a misunderstanding, I'm sorry. She's a friend."

James peeked around the corner with a frown. "A friend?"

"Of course, you know..."

"Lucy!" she grinned, tossing in a wave of her fingers toward James. "Why are you hiding back there?"

"I'm not hiding," James answered indignantly. He stepped into the living room, phone still at his ear and questioning Kendall with his eyes. Kendall nodded that it was safe.

"Sorry to get everyone up in arms over this. Harvey didn't tell us it was Lucy." Into the phone, James said, "I'm guessing she didn't tell you that part, Harvey."

As if that would've made a difference.

The man who appeared to be the head of the security team nodded at Kendall. "So everything's fine?"

"Yes. Thank you so much, but we're good."

After a suspicious glance toward Lucy, the man replied, "Let us know if you need anything, sir."

"Of course. Thank you."

Kendall closed the door just as James hung up his phone and demanded, "Who the hell are you?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Relax, pretty boy, it's not you I'm here to see." She turned to Kendall and smiled. "I have something for you." She reached into an inside pocket of her coat, both Kendall and James tensing up, but what she withdrew was a sealed envelope. After passing it to Kendall, she called out, "Short Man! Where you at?!"

The outside of the envelope was blank. Kendall watched Lucy move further into the apartment, obviously looking for someone.

"What the hell is happening?!" James exclaimed.

"Are you...looking for Noah?" Kendall asked. James' eyes flashed his way.

"Of course. He's probably reading about the universe somewhere, right?" She started down the hallway. "Short Man!"

James looked as if he'd lost control of his entire life in a matter of seconds. "She knows Noah?"

"She knows Shannon." Kendall held out the envelope. "I think she thinks I'm you."

"She knows Shannon?" That got James moving. He snatched the envelope from Kendall and rushed after Lucy, who had made it as far as what Kendall liked to think of as "their" bedroom. "Shannon sent you?"

"Where is he?" Lucy said instead. She spun around to face James, Kendall not far behind. "Is he at school or something? Are you a monster who sends him to school on a _Saturday_?"

They were getting nowhere. Kendall decided to take control. "Lucy. I assume this...letter? Is for James?"

"Right. She said you might have a boyfriend. I'm assuming that's this guy?"

"Actually, I'm the boyfriend. That's James."

Lucy's face scrunched up as she studied James. "Really? I would've thought you'd be more her type."

"Type?" James echoed. "We were just friends."

"No, I know, I just...so you're James? And you're..."

"Kendall. The boyfriend."

"Okay. Where the hell is Noah?"

James fielded that. "Noah is with his grandparents. They took him from me."

Lucy's face fell. "No. Oh my god, no. That's what Shannon _didn't_ want! Dammit, how could you let them take him?!"

"It wasn't by choice!" James yelled. "Don't talk to me like it was my idea! I'm doing everything I can to get him back! Now who the hell _are_ you?"

"Fuck," Lucy muttered, gaze skimming the carpet. "So the bitch got him. I'm too late. But dude, you are so hard to find! Do you realize I've been looking for you for over a week? I found where you work but they said you were gone and no one would tell me where you live. I had to sneak into the office and find your file just to get an address. Then I get here and Mr. Belvedere down there wouldn't even let me up."

"Mr...who?" James frowned.

"I think she means Harvey," Kendall sighed, already exhausted from dealing with her. "Why were you looking for James?"

"Because Shannon made me swear that if she died, I'd get that letter to him. She hired a lawyer to make sure he knew about Noah, but she was afraid that somehow her mom would get to the lawyer, so I was the back-up. She trusted me more than anyone else in the world." Lucy let out a breath and sat down on the sofa. "And I let her down. I was too late. The bitch got him."

"We're working on getting him back," Kendall assured her. "The lawyer...Shannon's lawyer. He's helping us. We've got a solid case against her, as long as the judge—"

Lucy shook her head. "She plays dirty. She'll lie, she'll say whatever she has to to keep him."

"She already has." James fidgeted with the envelope. "She made a judge believe I was...well. Bad things. Bad enough that they took him away with no warning."

"And I imagine Pete's no help?"

"None," Kendall agreed. "What's in the letter?"

Lucy shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is Shannon said it was imperative that I get it to James if she died. Which...you know."

Kendall nodded, wondering if he should ask the question on his mind. Would James rather not know? "Do you um...the lawyer said it was...an overdose."

James' head shot up, gaze boring into Lucy. "Is it true? Was she doing drugs?"

Lucy looked down, fingers tapping on her knee. "I guess there's no sense in lying to you. It's probably in the letter anyway, so...yeah. She let it take control."

James fell down hard into a chair. "I don't understand. That doesn't make sense. Shannon got me _off_ drugs, why in the world would she start doing them?"

"Maybe the answer is in the letter," Lucy suggested. "If not...we can talk about it."

"So you know," James said in an accusatory manner.

"I know," she admitted, still not meeting their eyes. "Just...please read the letter first. If I can answer any questions it doesn't, I will."

James pushed off the chair to tower over her. "I swear to God, if you were the one who did this to her, I'll—"

"James!" Kendall called out, seeing that no amount of shame from him could rival the hell Lucy was putting herself through. He tried again, softer this time. "Babe. Read the letter. Let Shannon tell you what she wanted you to know. We'll go from there."

Still not happy about it, James nodded curtly. "Fine. Don't let her leave."

"I won't," Lucy promised. "I owe this to her. I told her I'd do whatever I could to help you."

"Answers," James stated. "What I need are answers."

Kendall urged, "The letter. Start there, babe."

James looked down at the plain white envelope as if it would tell him something. "Do you want to...?"

"No. You need to do this alone. It's between you and her. But I'm right here."

"Okay. I'll just..." He pointed toward the hallway, and after Kendall gestured for him to go, he closed himself into the bedroom.

Kendall had no idea what to say now that he was alone with Lucy. He leaned against the dining room table, mind grasping for a question to ask that she might be willing to answer when she asked, "What's with the Candy Land? Is that what I interrupted?"

His gaze shot to the board game still set up on the living room carpet. "No. That's what the social worker and sheriff's department interrupted when they came to take Noah away."

"Oh." It was barely audible. "Since when does Noah play board games?"

"Since we're teaching him that it's okay to have fun once in awhile. Do you want something to drink? Eat? We have brownies."

Lucy stood up and turned around with a half-smile. "I could go for some brownies."

"Me, too. Come on over here."

She sank into a wooden chair at the table, where Kendall served her a brownie topped with ice cream. He set down chocolate syrup next to her plate before adding a bottle of water.

"Thanks. This is harder than I thought it would be. I figured James would be confused and maybe angry, but the thought of seeing Noah again made it all worth it. How long has he been gone?"

"Since Thursday." Kendall sat across from her with a plain brownie, sipping at water and watching her squirt syrup onto the ice cream. "James isn't...he's barely holding on."

"I can imagine. Noah's a great kid."

"Yeah." Jealousy sprang up toward this woman who had probably watched Noah grow up. "Have you known him all his life?"

"No, just the past few years. Shannon didn't even tell me she had a kid until we'd known each other awhile. She seemed like any other student, just...sad sometimes. Enough that I wanted to take away the frown, you know? Make her smile. She didn't have any other friends around. Once I knew the whole story, I understood why."

"Because of Noah?"

"Because of the bitch. She didn't even want Shannon to go to school."

"Wait, so she _did_ go to school?"

"Yeah, that's where we met. I was taking some art classes and we liked to sit under the same tree on campus. I'd sketch, she'd study. One day we were just...friends."

"So...was she pregnant then?"

"No, this was long after Noah was born. I think he was about three when I met him for the first time."

"Where was that?"

"At the house. I picked her up one morning because her car wouldn't start. Do you know that she was only allowed to go to school and back, and had to lie about it if she went somewhere else?"

"No, I didn't know." But was Kendall surprised? Not in the slightest. This was what Noah had to look forward to if James lost the custody battle; maybe he'd been right all along in insisting that they keep her away from Noah. "You knew by then she was a mom?"

"Yeah. She broke down at school one day, told me how hard it was and how she felt trapped."

"By Noah?"

"No, she loved Noah. It was Sherry. Sherry would do anything to keep her there."

"James told me that much. It's scary to think that Noah could end up like that."

"You can't let that happen...Kendall? It was Kendall, right?"

"Right. And we're not. I admit I don't know as much as I could about family law yet, but Paul knows plenty and he's as determined to get Noah away from her as we are. Shannon apparently shared a lot with him."

"Paul's the lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Did you say 'yet'? As in, you're learning about law?"

"Yeah. That's what I want to do with my life. Keep families together."

"Well," Lucy shrugged, "that comes in handy for James. So are they just practice, or are you in this for life?"

"'In this?' Are you referring to my relationship with James?"

"And Noah. Are you gonna just take off once everything settles down? Because if Noah gets attached to you and then you just take off, I might have to—"

"Whoa, put the brakes on, Terminator. Noah's like a son to me. I'm going to marry James. I mean...as long as the judge doesn't..." It was still difficult to say out loud.

"Relax, I was just making sure. I care about that kid. He's been through enough. I told Jeeves downstairs I had a letter for James and he offered to deliver it, but I needed to see Noah myself and make sure he's okay. I love that kid."

Kendall managed a smile. "Then you're welcome here. As long as he loves you, too. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but he hasn't mentioned you once."

"Oh, he wasn't allowed to. Shannon would sneak me in sometimes when the bitch was out. Noah had to keep it a secret because I wasn't allowed to visit, so we made him promise not to tell anyone about me."

"Oh." Something about that twisted Kendall's gut, though he couldn't have said why. "So you're like his...secret friend?"

"Yep. Good to know he can keep a secret."

"Yeah, he's great at that." Kendall knew that because he'd also been a secret friend in a way. The jealousy came back, making sense out of his upset stomach. He _liked_ being Noah's only secret friend; it made him feel special. Now he was learning there had been another (and probably much cooler) one.

"Babe?"

Kendall almost missed the strained word that came from the hallway. He glanced over at James and then did a double take because not only was James falling apart, he had a steady stream of tears pouring from red eyes. "I'm here." Lucy forgotten, Kendall jogged to James and wrapped him up tight. "Talk to me."

"I can't. Just...read it."

"Okay. Sure. Can I get you anything? Water? Tissues?"

"A knife."

"A...what?" Kendall shoved James away, staring into wet eyes. "A _knife_?"

"A knife," James repeated. "For Logan. I'm gonna kill him. Gonna cut out his heart the way he cut out mine."

 _Logan_? It made no sense to Kendall, though he thought it might after reading the letter. He looked back at Lucy, who was staring at them with trepidation. "Don't leave. Please."

Seeing the condition James was in, she nodded. "Got anything stronger than water?"

"There's a bottle of wine in the refrigerator."

"Take it with you," James said suddenly. "When you leave. I don't want it in this house. I don't want it in my _life_."

After meeting Lucy's gaze, Kendall turned away to steer James into the bedroom. James shushed him before he could speak, handing over the letter.

"Just read it."

* * *

" _Hey, stranger. I don't even know where to begin. You know how I ramble when I'm nervous, so this will probably be a long letter. I just hope that when you're done reading it, you're not mad at me anymore. Because I'm sure you're extremely pissed at me for all of it, and I understand why. But please try to understand my side of it. And know that I'm writing this with a clear head, nothing in my system to muddle it up. I'm writing to you now because it's getting harder and harder to control my cravings and I don't know how to fight it anymore and I'm scared I won't be able to. For Noah's sake, give me a chance to explain._

 _The first thing I want to say is I'm sorry. I kept so much from you. By now Paul should've gotten in touch with you about Noah, and I'm sure Logan told you the rest. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want to hold you back. You would've tried to take care of me. You finally had your head on straight and you were scared of the future, but I knew you'd find the strength to make something of yourself. And you did, Logan says you're happy and that's all I wanted for you. The last thing you needed was one more thing to keep you down the way the drugs and your mom did. You got free from both, and I'm proud of you for that. I wouldn't even be telling you any of this now except that I refuse to let my parents do to Noah what they did to me, so I need you. Noah needs you. Please don't turn your back on him. He's the best kid, even with all the shit he's been through with me and Mom, he's a good kid who deserves a normal life. You can give him that._

 _I already know Mom's gonna try to adopt him or whatever if I die. I couldn't find the courage to escape her, but as long as I was there to watch over Noah I knew he'd be okay. The problem is that if you're reading this now, I'm not there and he's not okay. She's filling his head with so much crap and I know I'm a coward for not taking him away, but where would I go? How would I raise him? I don't have a job, I don't have any friends other than Lucy and Logan, and they both have lives of their own. They'd probably take us in but I can't do that to them, it's not fair to ask that. I'm in school now, trying to get a degree so I can get a good job and maybe save up enough to get out of this hell, but I'm scared Mom will take that money from me and we'll never get out. She doesn't let me go anywhere, not since Noah happened, and I'm lucky to even be taking classes. But I reminded her that they won't be around forever and once they're gone, I'll have to be able to fend for myself and Noah. So I need some way to make money. That's the only reason she lets me go to school, and it's my only escape. So...I guess I spend more time there than I should when I have a child at home who needs me, but sometimes I can't bear to be in that house and I need to stay away. I hate what she's turning him into. She won't even let him go to school, and at least I had that. At least I had you and Logan to get me through it. Noah has nobody. And without you, he'll probably be turned over to them as guardians but please don't let that happen. I don't want Noah to end up like me. I want him to have a good life and to be happy._

 _I asked Paul to get in touch with you, to tell you about Noah. I also told him not to pressure you, because you're stubborn and that's the worst way to convince you to do something. So hopefully he got through to you and you met Noah and maybe by now things are the way they should be. Maybe you did the right thing and Noah's already living with you. Know that he's going to be scared at first because of things Mom told him about you. I tried to tell him she was wrong, that you aren't evil and you don't hate him, but he trusts her and believes what she says. That's my fault for not being a stronger presence in his life. It's easier sometimes to just let her take care of him, especially when I'm too messed up to do it myself. Which lately is a lot of the time. I get it now, why you used drugs as an escape. Logan says you're still sober and I'm so proud of you. You're the kind of person I want raising my son, not someone like her who twists everything and makes it wrong to have a normal, healthy upbringing. You're a good man, you always were, and I trust you to do the right thing for our son. If you didn't take him in, please change your mind. Please contact Paul, or any lawyer, and fight for Noah. He needs you. I know you have your life set up the way you want it, no strings attached and no real responsibilities, but I swear to you that you won't regret taking him in. Give him a week, he'll steal your heart. He's so much like you, he just lights up a room. He doesn't get to meet a lot of people, but when he does he wins them over easily. He has that same something that you do, something in those eyes that just draws people in. And he's so smart! He loves to learn, his favorite thing is to learn about space and other planets and the universe, and he really needs Logan in his life to help him foster that natural curiosity. Don't deny him that, James. Mom won't let Logan anywhere near me now that she knows he's gay. But I'm counting on you to give Noah the chance for a normal life. He's dying to go to school and meet other kids. He loves books. Mom will only let him read educational books and watch educational television, and he doesn't believe in fairy tales or Santa Claus or anything like that. I'm sure it's too late to undo that damage, but you can at least show him that it's okay to enjoy fiction and let his imagination run wild. And he loves to eat! Logan says you still love to cook, so use that to win him over if you have to. I know it would win me over._

 _Just please trust yourself and give Noah a chance to win you over. He will, James. He's the best thing we ever did, and I know we never planned for this but I don't regret it. Every time that kid smiles at me, all the hell is worth it. If you haven't met him yet, do it. You have rights as his parent. Use them. Paul will help you. If you already do have Noah, be ready for Mom to strike because I know she'll try to take him back. Don't let her! I know you don't think you have it in you to be a father, but you do. You're gonna be a fantastic father. Who knows you better than I do? Nobody. And I know that you'll hate yourself forever if you leave our son to suffer the way I did. Please, James. All that matters is him. Give our son the life I never could._

 _I love you,_

 _Shannon"_


	40. Chapter 40

A/N—Managed to get a little more written this week, so you get a chapter! James finally gets answers about Shannon in this chapter, which are long overdue. Hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!

Oh, and for those of you who were happy to see Lucy in this, you can thank EpicallyObsessed for that. We were having a discussion about how great she is as a character and I said I was kind of sad she has no place in this story. That led me to thinking about how she might fit in and she ended up providing a lot of information that James and Kendall needed, so...I got to write Lucy and I'm happy. :)

* * *

Kendall read the letter while seated on the bed, one hand rubbing James' back as he cried into a pillow. He couldn't even imagine what James must be feeling right now (outside of a deep sense of betrayal that Logan had kept such a huge secret from him and lied to his face about it), but James' pent-up feelings regarding Shannon had finally come to a head—it was all spilling out now.

He skimmed the letter a second time, this time from the viewpoint of a law student. When he was done, he shook James lightly. "We need to get this to Paul."

James mumbled into a pillow. "Weneed to kill Logan."

"Yes, that's on our list, but what matters most is Noah. That's our priority. This letter could win you custody, James."

He sat up slowly, hands scrubbing over his eyes. "How?"

"It backs up everything we're saying. And it's his mother's dying wish that you raise her son, not Sherry. She may not be here to say it herself, but this letter speaks for her. I wish she'd thought to get it notarized, but she probably didn't think about the fact that it would be used in court."

"Get it...what?"

Kendall shook his head. "Don't worry about it, it should help anyway. And...Lucy. She might help, too. She knows a lot about what Shannon went through over the past five years. Or...at least the last three. Two?"

"Kendall, what are you talking about? I can't even think straight right now and you're over here rambling about...what, exactly?"

"Sorry, babe," Kendall chuckled, kneeling in front of James and kissing him lightly. "That's what I'm here for, I'm doing the thinking for you. I need to call Paul, okay? He can file this with our paperwork Monday, and it's going to help."

"Fine. You do that. I'm gonna call Logan and tell him he's dead to me."

Kendall was distracted, mind racing, and James got as far as bringing up Logan's number and pressing the little phone icon before Kendall realized what he was doing and snatched the phone away to end the call.

"What are you doing? I need to talk to him!"

"Not right now. He's on a date, James."

"I don't fucking care if he's on stage winning the Nobel prize! He lied to me! Didn't tell me I have a fucking son! For five years, Kendall!"

"Babe, I know, but our priority right now is Noah. We have to get this to Paul."

"I have to kill Logan first!"

"Look," Kendall sighed. "I understand what you're feeling. I'm pissed off at him, too. He hurt you, and that's not okay. He could've saved Noah years ago, and that's not okay, either. But..."

"But what? Tell me why I should have even one ounce of sympathy for him."

"Because he deserves the chance to explain himself."

"No, he doesn't! There's nothing he can say that will excuse him keeping this from me! I lost five years of my son's life because of him!"

"Because of Sherry. And Shannon. It wasn't his place to tell you, it was Shannon's."

"Bullshit! He's my best friend! Friends don't keep that from you! Friends tell you if you have a son you don't know about!"

"Babe, he was also Shannon's friend. Think about that. She was the one who made the decision to keep it from you. Imagine how much this must have been killing him over the years, being in the middle like that. Knowing you'd hate him if he didn't tell you, knowing she'd hate him if he did."

"I don't care, Kendall. His feelings don't matter in this. All that matters is my son and the hell he's lived through, that Logan could've prevented. Don't tell me I'm wrong in that."

"No. Okay, no, you're not. But let him at least explain his side of it. Then you can be mad at him all you want."

"Fine. Give me my phone so I can let him do that."

"Not right now."

"What?!" James exploded. "Give me my fucking phone!"

"Babe—"

"Lucy!" James shoved past Kendall and ran out to the living room, Kendall on his heels. "I need your phone."

Kendall shook his head behind James. Lucy stared back, uncertain.

"Did you know?" James suddenly demanded.

"Know what?"

"About Logan. Did you know he knew? Was he over at the house all the time?"

"Logan?" Lucy echoed. "I've never met him. I just know he was a friend of Shannon's."

"Yeah, he was a friend of mine, too. Not anymore."

"James," Kendall tried again, speaking in a calm voice. He laid his hands on James' arms, which were wrapped tight around the t-shirt he wore. "I promise, we'll get to him. You'll have your chance to yell at him. But right now he's on a date, and Carlos has been wanting this opportunity for over a week. Don't ruin that for him."

James turned scandalized hazel eyes to him. "You want your best friend to date a liar? Do you actually want him to have anything to do with Logan after all this?"

"I don't know. But it's not up to me. It's up to Carlos."

"I may have only known Carlos for a short time, but he's not gonna want Logan after this. Not once he knows what a lying coward Logan is."

"That may be true. But this is all between you and Logan. It has nothing to do with Carlos, who is doing everything he can to help you win Noah back. Let him have one night of happiness."

"He's probably not even having a good time! Logan can't relax enough to enjoy the company of a nice guy who just wants to be close to him. I bet Carlos is already wishing he'd never agreed to the date."

"You know what? You're right." Kendall used James' phone to find Carlos' number. "Let me call him. If it's not going well, you can interrupt. You can demand that Logan come over here and talk to you about all of this. But not until after we get that letter to Paul."

James wasn't happy with the compromise. His gaze fell on Lucy, who was glued to their argument. "What are you looking at?"

She raised her hands in a "Hey, I'm just an innocent bystander" gesture before pouring herself more wine.

Carlos answered on the fourth ring. "What's up? Everything okay with Kendall?"

It took Kendall a second to remember that Carlos thought it was James calling. "It's me. Where are you?"

"Dinner. What's wrong?"

"Is he right there?"

"Uh...I can...go somewhere?"

"Yeah. Do that."

"Okay, just...hold on." Kendall heard muffled mumbling, then the sounds of a restaurant kitchen before Carlos was back. "I'm in the bathroom. What's going on?"

James waved his hand as if to say "Move it along already." "How's it going?" Kendall asked.

"It's...hard to say. He's smiling a lot more. I made him laugh a few times. And he actually looks at me now when we talk, he doesn't do that embarrassed staring-at-his-feet thing. Kendall, I'm so in love."

Kendall nodded as if Carlos could see him. "So it's good?"

"I'm not too sure, I mean he's definitely having a good time. And he's taking me to the observatory after dinner, which can be kind of romantic, you know? I don't want to push, so I'm letting him take the lead but if anything's gonna happen, it's gonna happen there. I'm hoping I get at least a second date out of this."

"Right." Kendall bit his lip, torn between the murderous rage in James' eyes and the sound of his best friend hopeful and falling in love. "Listen, has he said anything about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Like the move?"

"Yeah."

"He asked what time he should be at my place. I joked that he should just stay over and got a laugh out of him, but it's not gonna happen. And that's fine, I know it's too soon. I'm just happy I get to spend a few more hours with him tomorrow."

Tomorrow. They'd see Logan tomorrow, as long as he was still planning to help with the move. Which... "Okay. I was just checking in, hoping things were going well. I'll let you go."

"Dude, is everything okay? You sound...off."

"It's fine. Enjoy your evening with Logan, and we'll talk tomorrow."

James let out a groan of frustration.

"Sure. We decided we want to get started around ten. That way I can sleep in."

"Sounds great. We'll be there, buddy. Call me if you need to after you get home."

"I probably will. He's so smart, Kendall! I could listen to him talk for the rest of my life."

" _And he's so smart! He loves to learn, his favorite thing is to learn about space and other planets and the universe, and he really needs Logan in his life to help him foster that natural curiosity. Don't deny him that, James."_

Kendall sighed, knowing that James was right and Carlos' view of Logan would change drastically once he knew Logan had kept the truth from James. "Have fun."

"I will. Night!"

"Bye."

"So you're not even gonna tell Carlos," James spat. "You're just gonna let him believe Logan's not a piece of shit."

After praying for patience, Kendall turned to James. "I'm going to let you handle that. Because this is between you and Logan. _Not_ Carlos. He's having a great night. You'll see Logan tomorrow and you two can have the fight you need to have, and at that point what they do is up to them."

"God, I fucking hate you sometimes." When Kendall took a step back, James realized what he'd said and shook himself. "Babe. Babe, I didn't mean it. I don't hate you, you're the one thing I can count on and I didn't mean it, I love you, please don't leave—"

The rest was muffled by Kendall's shoulder, James breaking down into sobs again. "I know," Kendall soothed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you so much, I don't know why I said that, I can't even..."

"It's okay. I know you love me."

Lucy was back to watching as if it was an engrossing movie she couldn't look away from. Kendall turned James away so that his back was to her and glared at Lucy, who shrugged before prancing off toward the bathroom.

"It's not you I hate," James was whining. "It's the whole situation. It's Shannon for putting me through this, Logan for letting her, and that bitch for taking my son away. I just want it to be over. Every time I think I have a handle on things, something new blows up. I thought I could trust Logan. You and him, you're the two people in my life I thought I could count on for anything. And he fucking betrayed me, Kendall. He made me doubt everything. I thought he cared about me. I thought I was his best friend. No, apparently that was Shannon, and _she's_ the one he cares about. I'm just...the asshole they kept in the dark."

"You're not an asshole," Kendall whispered.

"Yes, I am. Look at the way I treated Corey. Look at the way I treated Jett. I yelled at Paul and Tracy. I yelled at the school lady. I said I hate you, and you're the last person I want to drive away. I even yelled at Lucy, and she's done nothing wrong. She's here to help!"

"It's fine," Kendall promised. "She's not mad. Neither am I." He rocked James slowly, letting him continue to cry. "And the reason I'm insisting that you calm down before talking to Logan is because I'm trying to help you _not_ be an asshole. You're learning and you're doing so much better, but your emotions take over and you say things you regret. Logan's too important in your life for you to push him away because by the time you regret it, it might be too late."

"Okay but if anyone deserves me being an asshole, it's Logan."

"I don't argue that," Kendall conceded. "And you'll have your chance. But I need you to wait until tomorrow, when you're less hysterical and are thinking clearly." He backed up to look James in the eyes. "Okay?"

James sniffed a few times, then nodded. "Okay. He gets one more night of freedom before I tell him to fuck off."

"That's the James I know and love," Kendall chuckled. He leaned in for a kiss but James shoved him away.

"No, I'm gross. You don't want to kiss this right now."

"I want to kiss this every second I can."

This time James allowed the touch of Kendall's lips, which were gentle and reassuring. "Jesus, what did I ever do to deserve you?"

Kendall shrugged. "You tipped me twenty bucks?"

James was surprised into a laugh before clinging tight to Kendall again. "So worth it."

"Is it safe to come out or are you both still ready to kill me for being in the room?"

"Lucy!" Just like that James turned to find her. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I know you're just trying to help and I'm a raging bitch tonight but I really am grateful you gave me that letter."

Lucy wasn't too sure, keeping her distance and staying near the hall as if ready to run and hide. "You sure about that? Because it seems to have royally pissed you off."

"It did," James nodded. "But it's also going to win me my son back. According to the perfect man standing next to me, anyway."

"Shit, we have to call Paul!" Kendall lifted James' phone again. "Babe, clean yourself up. We can just drop it off to him."

"Okay. Fine. I can do this." James shook himself to clear his head, then stared at Lucy in contemplation. "Want to go for a ride?"

"Me? Uh, I did my part. I gave you the letter."

"You can do more. Come talk to my lawyer." When Lucy appeared hesitant, he added, "Shannon would want you to."

She gave in with a nod. "Okay. Anything to get Noah away from that bitch."

That seemed to be the general consensus.

* * *

Rather than drive out to his office, Paul invited them to deliver the letter to his home. They stopped in the Pembroke lobby long enough for Lucy to be properly introduced to Harvey as someone who would be welcome to visit in the same manner as Jett—by calling ahead so Harvey could be prepared. Kendall repeated the doorman's name for Lucy's benefit, hoping she would drop the mocking butler names she'd been using for him, and when they reached the car he snagged the keys and instructed Lucy to get in the back.

She stared at Noah's car seat while buckling herself in. "Seeing this makes me realize how weird it was that Shannon never had one in her car."

"She didn't use one for Noah?" Kendall frowned.

"I'm sure there's one in Sherry's car. But Shannon wasn't allowed to take him anywhere for the most part."

James mumbled, "And it's not like the witch took him many places. He knew how to use it better than I did, though, so she must have one." He strapped himself in before adjusting the outside mirror so he could see Lucy's face. "Talk to me. Tell me how she started doing drugs."

Lucy bit into her bottom lip, avoiding James' gaze while Kendall turned onto the street. "It wasn't in the letter?"

"No. Just that she was doing them and understood why it took me so long to get off them. Where did she even get drugs if she never left the house? How did she meet you?"

When Lucy didn't answer, Kendall replied, "They met at school. Shannon was allowed to go there and nowhere else."

"Really?" James turned to Kendall. "She told you that?" he asked, referring to Lucy.

"Yeah." He caught James up to everything Lucy had divulged earlier.

"So you met Noah when she snuck you in?" James clarified.

"Yes." That much Lucy would talk about.

"And he never left the house?"

"Not often, as far as I know. Shannon wasn't allowed to take him anywhere but I think Sherry did sometimes. Like to buy him clothes and stuff."

"So then...did Logan go to the house?"

Lucy shrugged. "I never met Logan."

"Right, you said that. But you knew about him, and Shannon made it clear they were still in touch. Tell me what you know."

"That's literally all I know, dude. Logan was a friend of hers from childhood. Like you."

"How often did he see Noah?"

"I have no idea. Did the letter say anything about me?"

"Only that she thought you would've taken her and Noah in, but she didn't want to ask that of you."

"Jesus Christ, Shannon," Lucy sighed, her head falling back. "I told her we could try to get a place together. She said that without a job it would be impossible but I think we could've done it, at least temporarily. All that mattered was getting them out of that house."

"You would've done that for her?" James questioned. "Even with Noah?"

"I would've tried. I mean, I'm not really cut out to be a parent but we could've made it work long enough for her to get on her feet."

"Were you in love with her?" James suddenly asked. Kendall glanced over at him, having not thought of that before.

"I...it's...maybe a little bit," Lucy admitted. "But she wasn't into girls. We kissed once, just because she was curious. It meant nothing to her."

"And to you?" Kendall wondered.

Lucy shook her head, staring down at her lap rather than at either of them. "I didn't let myself fall for her because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. But I did love her in a way. She was my best friend and I wanted to rescue her. I tried to get her to stop the drugs so many times. And she _would_ stop, it just...never lasted."

This time James twisted around in his seat so that Lucy couldn't shift to hide from his gaze. "It was you, right? You got her on them?"

"It was me," she whispered. "I thought..."

"What?" James demanded when Lucy fell silent. "You thought what?"

"I thought I was helping." Finally she looked up, ready to face James' wrath. "She was so unhappy. Stressed out all the time. Depressed because she knew she'd never get out of there. I just wanted to see her smile. So I got her to try some stuff."

Kendall kept his mouth shut, waiting for James to blow up. He didn't, though; his voice was more confused when he asked, "And she did? Just like that? Because she knew what it could do. She was the one who would remind me when I wanted to go back to it."

"The first few times I tried, she said no," Lucy explained. "She actually told me about you then and what she went through with you. She was so scared you were gonna kill yourself back then."

"I know she was. That's why I don't understand. What could possibly make her want to do that to herself?"

"She'd had a really bad fight with her mom. She didn't come to school one morning and I was worried so I called her. We met up on campus for lunch and she broke down, she was so mad and upset because her mom said she couldn't see Logan anymore. That's when she told me about him."

"So he did go to the house," James spat.

"I don't know, she made it sound like they'd meet up somewhere else. But I didn't ask."

Kendall interrupted. "Why couldn't she see Logan anymore?"

"I think because Sherry found out he was gay. Don't ask me how, I have no idea."

James nodded. "That would do it. Heaven forbid Shannon speak to anyone that might be gay. Wait, did Sherry know you were into chicks? Did she know about you at all?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't allowed at the house. That's why I had to sneak in when Sherry wasn't around. She didn't know I'm bi, she just didn't want Shannon making friends."

"Of course not," Kendall muttered. "Friends might convince Shannon to leave and give her a place to go."

"Exactly," Lucy agreed.

James got the conversation back on track. "So because she was upset about Logan, she agreed to try something?"

"Basically. She just wanted to stop thinking for awhile. She was tired of being miserable and outside of me, Logan was the only person she could really talk to. She just...needed to stop hurting. I wanted her to be happy. But things kept getting worse and she lost hope and...some people can do drugs here and there with no real issues, as long as they don't make it a habit."

"Shannon did, though," James surmised. "Like me. It was an escape and we were tired of hurting."

"Yeah," Lucy nodded, tears clinging to her lashes. "I never thought it would get that bad. I didn't have a problem, so I figured she would be fine."

"Why did you keep giving it to her then?" Kendall asked gently, not wanting to make Lucy hate herself more than she already did. "When it got out of hand?"

"I didn't. I stopped. When she asked for more I'd tell her I was done, that neither of us was going to do it again. She found someone else to get it from."

"Who?" Kendall wanted to know.

"I never found out. She wouldn't tell me. But I'm sure it was someone at school. I begged her so many times to stop, even considered telling her mom just so she could get help. But I was afraid if I did that, it would be worse for her and her mom wouldn't let her come back to school. Which...I guess might've saved her life. In that sense, I killed her."

Kendall shook his head. "You didn't kill her."

"Didn't I, though?" Lucy shifted her focus to James. "That's what you're thinking, right? That I started her on it and then did nothing to make it stop, and that's why she's dead?"

Kendall peeked over at James, praying his fiance wouldn't shift his rage to her. James seemed dead inside, though, when he answered; he'd run out of emotion after letting it control him for the past two days. "I don't know what to think anymore. If it's your fault because you tried to make her happy, then it's just as much my fault for having sex with her. I was a little drunk that night and she begged me and I did it for the same reason—I wanted to make her happy. Instead I got her pregnant and sentenced her to imprisonment in a place she'd been waiting her whole life to escape from. Without Noah, she would've gotten out and had a normal life. So maybe it's my fault." Kendall's hand slid across the console and James twined their fingers, needing the strength that was offered. "Maybe it's just...everything."

Lucy used the sleeve of her jacket to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'd give anything to have her back."

"You guys can't blame yourselves for someone else's actions," Kendall pointed out.

"I was the idiot who was too messed up to think about a condom," James shrugged. "That's my own actions."

"Yeah, but..." Kendall sighed. "It's not all on you. She should've thought of that, too."

"She was drunk."

"But you said you could tell she'd been thinking about it for a long time. So why don't you just stop the self-blame and say you made mistakes and bad things happened, and...at the end of the day, something beautiful came from it. You have to let the past go and focus on what's important right now—giving Noah the life he deserves. That goes for you, too, Lucy. I think that would go a long way toward making up for any mistakes you made. Help Noah now."

"I guess." She cleared her throat. "I just wish she'd taken a chance and let me help her out of the situation. All she ever said was 'I'll never get out.' She hated herself for putting Noah in that situation."

"Then let's get him the hell out," James suddenly said. "Maybe her dying was the only way that was ever gonna happen and she knew that."

"I don't believe she killed herself on purpose," Lucy argued. "She loved him too much."

"Right, but I know her. There was a voice in her head that told her over and over she could take the easy way out and it would save Noah. And when the drugs got mixed in there, that voice made sense. It used to tell me that all the time, that I could end it and everyone would be better off. The difference was I had friends to run to and they'd stop me."

"She had me!" Lucy yelled. "Why wasn't I enough?"

"Because you weren't there when the voice got too loud. Where'd she do it? Where did she die?"

Lucy swallowed hard, not wanting to answer. James prodded her again and she admitted, "Her car. She got as far as my house. She'd never come there before but when I saw her car I knew something was wrong. I thought..." Her voice hitched a few times before she could continue. "I thought she'd changed her mind and brought Noah and...that she'd run away. I called the paramedics but it was too late. She took too much that time."

She hadn't done it at home, Kendall thought. She'd probably not wanted Noah to see her like that, but also needed to be found by someone she trusted. She'd needed Lucy to know, and there was no way Sherry would have communicated the news. Had she planned it out, though? Or just taken too much, like Lucy had decided? Lucy wouldn't even consider the idea that Shannon would willingly take her own life; James, on the other hand, seemed convinced she had.

The truth was they'd never know for sure, and it would be a question Noah would live with for the rest of his life. Would he grow up blaming himself? Had Sherry already begun drilling it into his head that all of this was somehow his fault?

"We have to get Noah back. Nothing else matters."

In that, James and Lucy were in agreement. Both nodded at Kendall, who turned onto Paul's street with renewed determination.


	41. Chapter 41

A/N—Not a lot to say about this chapter. I promise we will get to the hearing eventually! Thank you for reading!

* * *

Paul set the open letter down carefully on his dining room table, ignoring the four pairs of eyes that were currently watching him impatiently; even his wife, who'd welcomed them all into her home with hospitality, needed to know his opinion.

"So is it gonna help us?" James demanded when Paul stayed quiet.

His mind seemed to be elsewhere, but Paul nodded. "It's definitely going to help. This will clinch the case." After everyone let out the breaths they'd been holding, he added, "I only wish she'd had it notarized."

"Kendall said the same thing! What does that even mean?"

"It means that this letter would be certified by a professional witness. Basically it would prove that she wrote the letter," Paul explained. "That you didn't write it yourself just to win the case."

James' jaw dropped. "Why would anyone think that?"

Paul's eyebrow quirked up. "You think Sherry isn't going to accuse you of that if she sees the letter?"

James deflated; of course she would. "But...still, it'll help, right?"

"It will help," Paul promised. "As long as the judge believes Shannon did write it, and thank God she signed her name to it, then that means both parents want James to have custody. That carries a lot of weight in court. Now it isn't just you fighting her, it's Shannon as well." He sighed and reached for the coffee his wife had served them all. "She didn't date it, though. That would've helped."

Lucy spoke up. "I can tell you the exact date she gave it to me. Can't guarantee she wrote it then, but probably within a few days of that."

"Was it recent?" Paul asked.

"Yeah. Like a week before her death." Lucy chewed her lip again, not wanting to think about what that suggested.

Kendall's fingers were tapping against the wood of the table, his brain chugging along the same track as Paul's. "Babe, do you have any old letters from her? Any sample of her writing from back in high school or something?"

James' gaze fell to the table. "No," he said quietly. "I got rid of everything from her. I was hurt."

"Lucy?" Paul tried.

"I don't think so? We communicated through text mostly. And she'd delete those from her phone. She didn't want her mom to see what she was saying about her. Or like the day we met up for lunch, she told Sherry she had research to do. The texts would've shown that was a lie. Shannon was careful to not have anything in writing."

"What about Logan?" Kendall suggested. James' eyes flashed his way in anger but Kendall continued. "We have to know, babe. If he has a sample of her writing, we need it."

Lucy suggested, "I think that's too dangerous. She wouldn't have risked mailing him letters from home."

Paul turned to her. "It's too late tonight to get a deposition from you but would you be willing to meet me at the office early Monday morning? Around eight?"

"Uh...I have class..."

"Lucy, please," James begged. "Do you want to see Noah again? Because if I don't win, you won't. I can promise you that."

"Okay, okay! Tell me where."

Paul collected her information and texted her the address and time. "I'd like you to be present at the hearing as well, in case the judge needs any clarification. I'd subpoena you but we don't have enough time for that. I'm sorry, I know that probably cuts into your class time."

"Eh, what's one more week out of my life?" Lucy shrugged. "I missed all of last week trying to track down this asshole."

"I'm so glad you did that I don't even take offense to that," James smiled. It was a tired smile, but it was something. "And I appreciate anything you can do to help us. Noah will, too."

"That's why I'm here."

Mrs. Gardenas offered everyone another a round of coffee, but Kendall felt they'd already taken up too much of the attorney's time. "We'll get out of your hair. Paul, thank you again. It's not every lawyer who would deal with this on a Saturday night."

"And in my sweats, no less," Paul chuckled. "It's fine. What matters is Noah."

"Exactly." Kendall shook his hand after everyone stood up. "We're lucky to have you on our side."

The moment Kendall stepped back, James drew Paul into a hug. "I know this is inappropriate but I'm that grateful for you right now. I just want my son home with me."

Paul patted his back. "We've taken all the steps, James. We just have to let the law do its job."

"And pray we don't get a homophobic judge," James mumbled. He moved to Kendall, linking their fingers. "Let's put an end to this day. I'm ready for it to be tomorrow."

 _Right, so you can yell at Logan._ Kendall supposed it would have to happen for James to be able to get past it.

They all thanked Mrs. Gardenas as well, and then the ride back to the Pembroke was a somber one—James stared out the window as if too tired to do anything else while Lucy closed her eyes in the back; she was probably hoping James would think her asleep and not assault her with more questions.

Kendall let them both stew in their own hells and focused on driving. He knew that when they arrived home Lucy would leave and James would be too drained to do anything but sleep.

 _So much for date night._

That was okay, though. No matter how the hearing turned out, he would have plenty of dates with James to look forward to. The question was, would they come home from those together and check in on Noah before turning into bed themselves? Or would they skip that step and go straight to bed because there was no Noah to check on?

Or would he have to drop James off outside the building, his heart bleeding because Noah was so close and it didn't matter since he wasn't allowed to see the boy? As much as he wanted James to win custody, that probability sliced into him and left him feeling hollow.

 _Maybe one day. It might take years, but maybe one day it'll be okay for me to be around him._

Of course by then Noah wouldn't care as much. Noah would still get to see Lucy and she'd be the one he wanted to hang out with all the time. Who would Kendall be except "that guy who lied to me and said he was a wizard"?

Kendall didn't often let his mind drag him down like this, but tonight it was hard to fight. He couldn't lean on James because James needed to lean on him. Carlos was out on a date. Mom always went out with friends on Saturday night. Katie didn't know enough of the situation to share his morose thoughts with.

He was alone.

"I love you."

Kendall jumped, surprised by the sudden declaration. He glanced to his right to find James watching him as if he knew exactly where Kendall's thoughts were; knowing James, he did. "I love you, too," Kendall managed.

"You looked like you needed to hear it. I'm here, okay?"

It was difficult to not give in and let the tears go; he was driving, though, and couldn't allow that. Instead he took the hand that James had stretched toward him and held it tight, and he wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

Neither was in a mood to continue their earlier interrupted liaison once they returned to the apartment. They said their goodbyes and thanked Lucy, who promised to be at Paul's office Monday morning. James didn't even bother with his nightly facial routine; he got out of his shoes and shirt before reclining on the bed, where a fully-clothed Kendall joined him and held on until he was sound asleep.

Kendall wasn't so lucky. He tossed and turned until he finally gave in to the restlessness and wandered the apartment. He texted his mom an approximate time for lunch the following day, stating that it might just be him and James after all. Then he sat on the sofa and stared at the Candy Land board, losing himself in memories that he hoped to repeat. By the time Carlos called, he'd moved to the kitchen to clean up random dishes they'd used throughout the day.

Kendall had never been so happy to receive a call in his life. "Hey!"

"Dude! He just dropped me off, I'm on my way home from Black Forest. Can you talk?"

"Yeah, of course. James is in bed and I'm just...doing nothing. It's been a crazy night."

"Everything okay? You sounded weird earlier."

"We'll talk about that later. I know you're dying to spill about Logan. So...it went well?"

"Oh my god, Kendall. Oh my _god_. I'm in love. Like...you know how I say that after every first date."

"You do," Kendall laughed, and it felt good to laugh. He took a seat at the dining room table with a glass of milk, settling in for a story. "And every time, you say 'this time it's different!'."

"Okay but this time it's _totally_ different! Usually with dates we get along okay and there's at least a goodnight kiss and sometimes more, if we're feeling it."

"Right. And with Logan?"

"We didn't just get along okay, we got along great! We talked all day, just talked! No goodnight kiss, nothing more, not even a hug! And I still can't wait to see him again!"

"So he's still planning to help us move you?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. I told Mom we'd be over by two at the latest. You said it'll only take one trip, right? Since you're renting a truck?"

"Right, but I also got a storage unit so I'll have to make a trip there, too. I figured I could spend Monday before work cleaning the apartment, so we don't have to do any of that tomorrow. Everything's pretty much packed and ready to go."

"Good. I think it'll be good for us to have you here, even if it's only for a few days. It's kind of...depressing right now, you know? We're both so scared about the hearing."

"I get it, but Paul made it sound like you have a good chance of winning. He said Logan's testimony would probably be enough."

"Yeah, well now we have Shannon's testimony, too. Her friend showed up today with a letter for James. From Shannon. And we took that to Paul, and the friend is going to give a deposition, and...I don't see how a judge can deny James custody at this point. As long as we prove that Sherry's accusations are false."

"Exactly. So what did Shannon say in the letter?"

"Uh...a lot of stuff. And I need to warn you that James is really pissed off at Logan and they're probably going to have a huge fight tomorrow morning. Don't you dare tell him, he might back out and James needs to have this conversation."

"Oh shit. Why is James pissed?"

"Because apparently Logan knew about Noah all along."

"What?! No way. I don't believe that."

"That's how the letter made it sound."

"No. Logan would never hide that from James."

"Dude, I hate to say it but you just met him. You don't really know him as well as James does."

"I don't care. He wouldn't keep that from his best friend. Kendall, I _know_ that."

"We'll find out for sure tomorrow. But I don't know if we can count on Logan helping us at this point. He might just take off after the fight."

"No! He's supposed to come with us to your mom's! I really want her to meet him!"

"Did he actually agree to come? To Mom's?"

"Yeah! When we were saying goodnight we talked it all over and agreed we'd ride there together. Then we're gonna go see a movie after."

Kendall almost spit out his milk. "A movie? There's no way that's not a date."

"I'm telling you, dude! Today was magical! He's so much more amazing than I even knew, and I think he's totally falling for me. I could tell he wanted to kiss me tonight but I didn't push, I just waited and then he chickened out. But it was there, I saw it on his face, and I think tomorrow night he might actually do it. Even if he doesn't, I'm cool with it because just hanging out with him is awesome."

Kendall sighed, again torn between his friend's happiness and his fiance's pain. "Look, I told James that you and Logan deserve to be happy no matter what Logan might've done in the past to him. But I'm angry at Logan, and I don't know if he can be trusted. If he could hide that..."

"He didn't. I guarantee it. The Logan I know wouldn't do that."

"Again, you barely know him."

"Kendall, did I argue with you when you talked about James like you'd known him forever after spending one day with him? No. Because I know you and if you felt like that, it was real. This is real, too. I _know_ him. He wouldn't lie to James about his own son."

"Not even if he was more loyal to Shannon?"

"This is a kid's life we're talking about. He doesn't like Noah's grandma any more than James does. Why would he want Noah to live there when he could be living with James all these years?"

"Because Shannon didn't want to ruin James' life with a kid. And he was loyal to Shannon."

"So he's not loyal to James? He's doing everything he can to help James now, so that's a lie."

This was getting them nowhere. Kendall leaned his head on his hand and sighed. "I don't want to fight with you about this. It's between them. James is extremely hurt right now and for that, I'm angry at Logan."

"I'm a little angry on Logan's behalf that you guys would think that of him."

"We'll let them deal with it tomorrow. I didn't mean to ruin your night, I'm sorry. That's the whole reason I wouldn't let James call him earlier. He wanted to and we fought about it."

"Aww, man. You really did have a crazy night."

"You have no idea. So tell me about your date. You had fun at the museum?"

"It was a blast. He let me take my time and then after we read about everything, he'd tell me more. He even bought me a keychain in the gift shop. Kendall, he's so falling for me."

"Sounds like it." The notion brought a genuine smile to Kendall's face and he hoped the following day wouldn't kill the happiness they'd found when the truth came to light. "Then you went to dinner?"

"Yep, and I paid. We shared mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers. Then he let me try some of his pasta and I shared my pie. By then he wasn't weird at all, he was relaxed and just enjoying the time like I was and I got him laughing and...he's really beautiful, you know that? When he smiles. And his eyes light up. We talked about my family and he told me about his mom, and...I've never been on a first date where we just talk so much. I was never bored, not even for one second."

Kendall knew how that felt; James kept him constantly enthralled, even when they were doing nothing more exciting than washing dishes together. He'd gotten used to having James at his side so quickly. What if he had to give that all up next week? What if he was limited to two hours a week with James, if that?

The mere idea of it made him feel panicky. "Tell me about the observatory," he said to Carlos—anything to distract him those thoughts.

"The observatory. That's where I really felt like we were on the same page. We had to wait in line for the telescope, but that was okay. We were spending time together, so who cares what we do? But then I actually got to see the moon, and not like when we just look up at it every night. I got to _see_ it. And it was so cool! I think I rambled a lot after, when we were just walking the outside area, but he didn't seem to mind."

Kendall chuckled picturing that; Carlos did tend to ramble when he was excited. "And then you left?"

"Nope. Then we just stood together and looked at the city. And it was perfect."

* * *

 _Carlos is surprised that Logan is allowing their arms to touch as they lean on the low wall before them; for most of the day he's been careful to keep his distance. Carlos considers moving away out of respect for him, but in the end he decides to let Logan make the choice. It's certainly not torture for Carlos be in close contact._

" _Thanks again for bringing me." Carlos has calmed down a bit now after his telescope high. Something about the sight of the city lit up around them brings a hush to his voice._

" _I can honestly say I had a great time. My mom tells me sometimes that I should've gone into teaching because I enjoy it so much."_

" _You would make a really good one," Carlos agrees. "I learned so much today. The hard part will be remembering it all," he jokes._

" _Well, if you forget, we can just do this again. Maybe a weekly trip."_

 _Carlos snorts laughter. "How boring would that be for you?"_

" _Coming out here once a week and educating you? That actually sounds like fun. Though I admit it would get annoying to have to repeat myself to you on a daily basis if we lived together."_

 _Carlos' heart flips over. Is Logan really thinking that far ahead? "I actually do okay on day-to-day stuff. Otherwise I'd never be able to keep a job."_

" _That makes sense," Logan nods. "Because if you do something every day, you don't have time to forget. And it's practice."_

" _I guess." Places like this make Carlos feel small and in awe of the universe surrounding them. "And I wouldn't hate this view once a week."_

" _It is amazing," Logan says, his voice hushed as well. "It's been too long since I came out here."_

" _Always caught up in your work?"_

" _Yeah. Even on my days off I'm usually working. Sometimes at home."_

" _That's not healthy."_

 _Logan shrugs. "What else is there to do?"_

 _Carlos bumps his hip against Logan's. "Take me to museums."_

" _There is that," Logan laughs. His head starts to dip to the left as if to rest on Carlos' shoulder, but he stops the motion before it can be completed and stands up straighter. Suddenly the warmth of his arm disappears as he moves away._

 _Carlos tries not to sigh in disappointment._

" _We should get going. It's a long drive back."_

" _Yeah." Carlos doesn't really agree with the idea, but he isn't about to force Logan into anything that makes him uncomfortable. Before Logan can walk away from the overlook, Carlos takes a chance and touches his arm to keep him there. Now they're facing each other. "I really had a nice time today. I know you probably weren't serious about doing this every weekend, but—"_

" _There are other museums. How do you feel about history?"_

" _It was always boring in school," Carlos admits. "I bet it wouldn't be if you taught me, though."_

 _A blush stains Logan's cheeks, visible even in the dim light from the building across the terrace. He looks down with a smirk at his lips, then meets Carlos' direct gaze. "I can make it exciting for you."_

 _Carlos bites down hard on the gasp that wants to break free; no way is that his imagination, Logan's feeling something. Logan's_ flirting _with him. Carlos' heart is thudding hard and his breathing is stilted. "I bet you can."_

 _It's there, that same look Logan gave him in James' kitchen, except this time it's more intense. Logan's eyes skitter over Carlos' face, settling on his mouth, and they're standing no more than a foot apart. All Carlos has to do is lean in._

 _He doesn't, though. This has to come from Logan. He promised Logan he wouldn't push, that he'd be satisfied with just friends. So he waits._

 _And waits._

 _And Logan leans in. Carlos moves, just an inch but it's enough to tell Logan he's on board with the idea. Logan closes half the distance before the nerves (or maybe his fears from the past relationship) get to be too much, and the moment's gone. Logan's gone. He's turning away and walking toward the building._

 _Carlos refuses to be hurt. He knows how hard that was for Logan and is proud that they even made it to an almost-kiss._

* * *

"I made sure afterward that he knew I wasn't upset or mad or anything. Because he was probably hating himself for letting me down, you know? Like teasing me, in a sense."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "Did you actually mention it to him? That you knew he was about to kiss you?"

"No. I just let him stay quiet until we were back in the car. He was trying to figure out his feelings. So to make sure he knew I wasn't mad, I asked if he wanted to come with us to your mom's after the move. He asked questions about who else would be there and I told him about Katie and how they're like family to me. I think he was still unsure until I said maybe we could do a movie afterward. There's a new movie about astronauts that we kept seeing signs for at the museum. So I suggested that one and he got excited and it was basically a given at that point that we'd hang out all day. I'm not expecting a kiss tomorrow, especially after he has all night to overthink it. Part of me is expecting him to cancel. But if he doesn't? Then there's a definite chance he'll go for it because that would mean he's decided to take a chance with me."

"But maybe just as friends."

"Yeah, but how long has he been alone? There's definitely attraction between us. He's not gonna be able to fight that forever. The guy's gotta be horny."

"And I'm sure he takes care of that on his own."

"Still. I know what I saw tonight. He wants me. He just has to win the argument with himself."

Kendall smiled, his own restlessness finally gone; the distraction had worked. "You know, James told me once that he thought you might be the guy to finally get past Logan's walls."

"James knows Logan better than anyone. Which is why it amazes me that he could think Logan's capable of keeping Noah from him."

"You didn't read the letter, Carlos. It was pretty obvious."

"I'm just saying, if Logan did? There's a good reason."

"There's no good reason for that."

"We'll find out tomorrow. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go to bed and lose myself in thoughts of where that kiss might've led to."

"Ew, visions I don't need."

"Shut up, you know my man's hot."

"He's handsome, I'll give you that," Kendall laughed. "I really am glad you had a good time."

"The best." After a pause, Carlos added, "It's gonna be okay, Kendall. You're not gonna lose Noah."

"That's the one thing no one can promise me. Not even Paul."

"I know, but...it's meant to be. You're meant to raise him with James."

"Things don't always work out how they should. You know that."

"I think they do, actually. I think the reason Logan's ex cheated on him was so he could end up with me. And I think the reason Shannon died was so Noah could end up with the right dads to raise him. I know that sounds mean or harsh, but anyone who sees you and James together knows it was meant to be. The same goes for you and Noah. It's just _right_. The universe has to make things right, and this is how. Bad things lead to good things."

"I appreciate what you're saying, Carlos, but I don't know that I agree with it. Bad things aren't good."

"I know, I'm not saying they are. What happened with your dad, that was shitty. But look at you now. Look at all the families you're gonna save. Bad things lead to good."

That line followed Kendall through his nightly ritual of shutting down the apartment for the night. He still wasn't convinced, because when he thought of things like the Holocaust, he didn't see how any of that had been good. Carlos was forever the optimist, though, and sometimes it helped to let himself believe in Carlos' logic.

He stripped down to boxers before sliding into bed next to James. This part of what Carlos had said was definitely true; he and James _were_ meant to be. Wrapping his arms around James felt right, as did the way James instinctively moved closer to him in the dark.

He'd let the exhaustion overtake him and closed his eyes when a soft pleading reached him.

"Make love to me."

Kendall lifted himself up on one elbow to look down at James, who turned onto his back and stared up with sad eyes. "Make me feel alive."

That much Kendall could do. "Don't ever leave me," he whispered, the fear of that suddenly seeping through the cracks that were breaking apart his heart. "I need you."

"I'm not giving you up." James dragged Kendall down to make the promise with a deep kiss. "They can take my son, but they can't take you. Make love to me."

Kendall didn't need to be asked a third time.


	42. Chapter 42

A/N—Didn't think I'd get a chapter out this week but I surprised myself by writing tonight, so yay I can post! This chapter picks up on what is technically Sunday morning, though to James and Kendall it feels more like Saturday night. But we've made it to Sunday, and of course plenty will happen today but Monday will go by very fast and then we're at the hearing. Finally, right? Thanks for your patience and for continuing to enjoy the story! Hope everyone's had a great week.

* * *

It was just after 3:30 A.M. when they were awakened by the insistent buzzing of James' phone on the nightstand. "Make it stop," James mumbled into a pillow, attempting to bury his head underneath it. Kendall stretched an arm over him and slid the phone closer, almost dropping it in the process but finally able to see the display. His heart skipped a beat. "It's Noah."

"What?!" Wide awake now, James sat up and scrabbled for the phone. If Noah (or even Pete) was calling at this time of night, something was very wrong. Terror stealing his breath away, he could only manage a weak, "Baby?"

Kendall pulled on James' arm until his own finger could reach the button to put the call on speaker.

"—to wake you up, but he's hysterical. It was all I could do to get him out of the house without waking her up, we're out on the patio." Pete's voice was just above a whisper. "He's insisting he talks to you right now."

"I'm here, baby, right here. What's wrong?"

"Go on, Noah, but we have to be quiet, okay?"

The sound of sniffles reached them through the phone and Kendall's heart shattered.

"Daddy?" He could barely get the word out.

"Yes, baby, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"I...I was wrong. I lied."

"Lied?" James glanced over at Kendall, both of them bewildered. "About what?" When the only reply was more crying, James closed his eyes and focused on breathing before he said, "It's okay, I'm not mad. Whatever you lied about, I won't be mad."

"Yes you will. Is Kendall there?"

Kendall inhaled sharply. "Yes. I'm right here. You can tell us anything, Noah. We won't stop loving you."

"I'm s-sorry." Another sob overtook the boy and they heard Pete softly murmuring that it was okay. He was trying to comfort his grandson.

"Baby, just talk to us. Please. What did you lie about?"

"What I said. I take it back."

"Take what back?" James was a wall of tension, the sound of his son's sobbing almost more than he could bear. No doubt he would break down once the call was done.

"I don't want to say it again. I'm scared to."

"Scared?" Kendall echoed with a frown. This was starting to feel familiar; hadn't Noah been scared to say something before? "Noah, I told you. You can say anything."

"N-not this. I take it back. I...I don't love you."

James' face froze in shock. He'd thought perhaps Noah lied about something Sherry said, or maybe about Shannon. This was the last thing he'd expected to hear, and it cut him into pieces. "W-what?"

"I don't love you!" Noah nearly yelled, Pete shushing him immediately after. "I take it back!"

Kendall knew better; he'd seen proof of it in the way Noah looked at his father. The whole thing made no sense. "Noah, listen to me."

"I don't love you either!"

And wow, was there anything that could cut him more deeply than that? Possibly James yelling the same thing, but it was close to equal in his heart. What in the world would prompt Noah to... "Oh my god," Kendall whispered. "Noah. I know what this is about. This didn't happen because you said you loved us. That's not why you got taken away."

"Yes it is," the boy sniffed. "It's my fault. Grandma said I can't see you again and it's because of what I said. It's all my fault!"

"No, baby, listen to me. Noah. Buddy. Please calm down. It's gonna be okay."

"Hey," they heard Pete say softly. "It's alright, kiddo. You're safe. Kendall's right, it's not your fault."

James was still putting it together. "He thinks it's his fault because...?"

"Remember how he thought it was his fault his mom died after he said he loved her?"

"Oh Jesus."

"Right. He said the words to us, and look what happened."

"Did she tell you that?" James suddenly demanded. "Did she say it's your fault?"

"N-no. But that's why. I'm sorry. I take it back. I want to go home."

Kendall closed his eyes tight against the pain in Noah's voice, but tears squeezed past his eyelids anyway. "Don't take it back. Please. We love you."

"Don't say it!"

"We'll never stop saying it. It's important that you know how much your Daddy loves you, no matter what happens. It's important to say the words, Noah."

"I love you." Now it was James who was sobbing. "I love you so much, baby. Never forget that."

"But bad things happen when you love someone. People go away."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna get you back. I swear to you. And when you come home, I'm gonna tell you every single day that I love you. And you'll see. You'll see that it's okay to love me."

"I don't want you to go away like Mommy did."

"I won't, baby. I'm not going to abandon you. I won't give up on you. Just a few more days, okay?"

There was no answer.

"Noah?" Kendall tried.

"Kendall, please. Do it."

"Do what?"

"You know."

 _I do?_

"He means magic," James whispered.

 _Fuck._ "I am, Noah. It takes time."

"How long?"

"Just a few more days, like Daddy said."

"What if Daddy's wrong?"

"You have to trust him. Did you lie just now? Did you say you don't love us because you think that will get you back home?" More silence. "Noah, remember what I said. Always tell the truth. Your dad needs to know the truth."

"I don't want to say it again."

"At least tell us if that's why you took it back. Because you want to come home, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay to love him."

"But they took me away from him."

"That's not why, I promise."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby? I'm right here."

"I lied."

James was about to lose it again. Kendall wrapped both arms around him to hold him steady.

"I told her she's wrong about Daddy and he's not evil, but she won't listen. I just want to come home."

"I want you home, too. If I could come get you right now, I would. But if I do that, the judge won't let me keep you. I'll go to jail." James looked to Kendall for confirmation, and Kendall nodded. "Then I would never get to see you. We have to do this right or it won't work. Can you hold on for two more days? Just two more."

"I miss you guys."

"We miss you, too," Kendall sighed. "Let Grandpa take you back to bed, okay? Then when you wake up it'll be less time until you can see us again."

James used a corner of the bedsheet to wipe his eyes. "I love you, Noah. I'm not afraid to say it."

"Kay."

"Pete?"

"Yeah, give me a second. Noah, go on back to your room. Be quiet so you don't wake her up, okay? If she sees you, tell her you got thirsty and had a nightmare. I'll be right there to tuck you in." They heard the sound of a screen door slapping against the wall and then a deep sigh. "So he thinks because he said he loves you, that's why this happened?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered. "He was convinced that's why Shannon died, too. He told her he loved her."

"That poor kid. He came to the room and woke me up and said he had to call you right away. I'm sorry we woke you up."

"Don't be sorry," James replied. "I appreciate that you let him call us. I know how she is."

"I gotta get back in there before she wakes up. Your lawyer said you're probably gonna win. Is that true?"

"We'd have a better chance if you testified against her," Kendall reminded him. "I get why you don't want to, but Noah belongs with his father."

"He's all she has left of Shannon. I know you don't understand her or why she does the things she does. She's just scared to lose him the way she did Shannon."

"I know," James nodded, and to Kendall's surprise there was no venom behind it—only pity. "It's warped her. We talked about letting Noah come stay there for one weekend a month but I'm terrified she won't give him back."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"If it's what Noah wants, yes."

"I'd make sure you got him back. And I'd live for that one weekend every month."

Kendall squeezed James' shoulder, emphasizing the point—Pete deserved that. All James said was, "I'll see what I can do. Go check on him."

"Goodnight, boys."

"Thank you for letting him call."

James was about to disconnect the call when Pete suddenly said, "Wait a second. What's his obsession with the lion?"

"The lion?" Kendall echoed. "You mean the stuffed one he puts by the bed?"

"Well, the first night it was by his bed. Now he carries it around with him everywhere. Has a fit if she tries to take it away. He even has to bring it to the dinner table with him. Where did it come from?"

Kendall couldn't speak; James offered him a tiny smile. "The zoo. He picked it out and named it Kendall. It represents Kendall watching over him and keeping him safe. He really takes it everywhere?"

"Even to the bathroom. Sherry keeps threatening to throw it out but I won't let her."

"Don't," Kendall pleaded. "It's like a security blanket. And I know those aren't technically healthy, but right now he needs something."

"It's a little weird, but okay. He can keep it until the hearing, and then...we'll see what happens. I'm gonna go. Goodnight."

The room was plunged into silence. Neither could put feelings into words until James said, "My kid needs therapy."

"Your kid just needs you, James."

"Therapy wouldn't hurt. I think you're right. I think he's holding on to a lot of feelings about Shannon."

Kendall nodded. "You okay?"

"Nope."

"Can I do anything to help?"

James flopped back onto the pillows, letting Kendall take the phone and set it on the nightstand. "Go rescue my son from her evil clutches?"

"Sorry, I don't want to go to jail, either."

James threw an arm over his eyes. "I can't keep doing this. Every time he calls it's like...I go crazy keeping myself from driving over and taking him. I was so close tonight, Kendall. So close. He fucking wanted to take back saying 'I love you' just to come home."

"I know." Kendall scooted down on the bed until he was parallel to James. "Tonight was...when he cries, I can't..."

"Yeah. That's what kills me. If I lose Tuesday, I don't know how I'm gonna function."

Kendall kissed his forehead. "Don't think about that."

"You know, you see all these...kidnappings. On the news and shit. Parents taking their own kids and running. I never thought I'd understand that. But I know what they're feeling now. It's exactly what I'm feeling. It scares me that I could see myself doing that."

"Nope. Do that and I guarantee your chances of seeing Noah again are pretty much gone."

"I know, I know. It's not worth the risk, because eventually the cops would find us and put me away and send him right back to her. And he'd be even more screwed up. The temptation, though...I get it."

Kendall snuggled up against James, using his body to trap James to the bed. "I'm here to keep you from doing stupid shit like that."

"Yeah, you're pretty handy." James lifted Kendall's hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the palm. "I almost lost my mind just now."

"I know."

"So did you."

"Yep."

"Two more days, Kendall. Two more days."

 _For you._ Kendall didn't say it out loud, but the thought was always in the back of his mind now: he probably wouldn't get to see Noah again. He waited for James to fall back into a restless sleep, then cried into a pillow until exhaustion carried him away.

* * *

"Keep in mind that he won't see it coming. I know you're mad but give him a chance to explain."

James pretended not to hear Kendall as he knocked on Carlos' door.

"Babe, I'm serious. Remember, I'm trying to keep you from ruining a lifelong friendship."

"I'm not the one that ruined it, Kendall."

The door swung open and Carlos was revealed, Kendall noting the wariness on his face. "Hey."

"Where's Logan? I saw his car outside."

Kendall moved to step in front of James. "Hi, Carlos. May we come in?"

"Depends." To James he said, "Are you gonna be nice?"

"Doubt it. What did you do, warn him?"

"No, I haven't said anything. But I think you're wrong. He cares too much for you to hide that."

"Obviously not." James shoved Carlos aside and got two steps in before Kendall caught up to spin him around.

"James. He's your friend."

"Not after this."

"Babe," Kendall tried, hoping to reach the side of James that still needed Logan in his life. "Let him talk before you react, okay?" When James started to rip his arm away, Kendall added, "For Noah. Be the person Noah wants you to be."

James' eyes fell closed. "I hate it when you say things like that."

"Because you know I'm right." Over James' shoulder, Kendall caught sight of Logan poking his head out from Carlos' now-empty bedroom. "Do you want me there?"

"I don't think it's gonna matter," James shrugged. "You'll hear it no matter where you are in this apartment."

Kendall thought that was probably true, especially since the lack of furniture made their voices echo off the walls slightly. He let James go, Carlos stepping up to Kendall's side to watch in trepidation.

"Hey," Logan smiled. "When do you have time to talk? I know today's pretty busy but...maybe I can call tonight? I need your advice."

"You need my advice," James said slowly. "Maybe about what you should do if a friend tells you a secret and asks you to keep it from your other best friend?"

Logan stepped out of the room, confused. "What?"

"Or perhaps you're wondering if now that she's dead, you should come clean about everything? Because let me tell you, Logan. It's too late for that. My trust in you is dead."

Logan's face paled.

"Lucy came to see me last night."

"Lucy?"

"Yes. Lucy. Don't act like you don't know who she is."

Logan seemed genuinely lost. "I don't know anyone named Lucy."

"Shannon's friend from school?"

Logan shook his head. "You obviously think I know something I don't."

"She gave me a letter, Logan. From Shannon. Who made it clear you've been in touch plenty over the past six years."

"Oh god," Logan sighed, unable to look into James' eyes. "Okay, let me explain."

"Please do, because I still can't understand how my best friend in the entire world would keep such a huge secret from me!"

Logan jumped as James' voice crescendoed into a yell. "She didn't want you to know."

"Obviously!"

"She knew it wouldn't do any good."

"Wouldn't do any good?!" James roared. "My son was raised by a fucking monster, but telling me wouldn't do any good?!"

"Okay, yeah, she wasn't thinking clearly when it came to Noah. But the rest...it made sense at the time. She was right, you weren't going to change for her."

James stared at Logan as if he was speaking gibberish. "For _her_? She doesn't matter in this. I would've changed for Noah!"

"I'm talking about before Noah."

" _Before Noah_?" James echoed. "What do you think we're talking about here? This _is_ about Noah! How could you keep him from me?"

"I didn't know about Noah! She hid that from me, too!"

"Liar!" James yelled. "How dare you stand here and lie to my face again! She said it in the letter, she said you knew everything!"

"Then she was the one lying, because I swear to God, James, I didn't know about Noah. I wouldn't have kept that from you. I was devastated that she kept it from me."

"I can't believe you're still lying to me. Did you ever even care about me or was it always Shannon?"

Kendall interrupted. "Babe." James ignored him. "Babe, hold on. What exactly did the letter say about Logan?"

James spun around with his eyes flashing anger. "You read it. You saw it."

Kendall thought back. "Something about...Paul telling you about Noah and Logan telling you the rest."

"She said Noah needs Logan in his life. Remember that?"

"Right, but..."

Logan drew their attention back to him. "James, I swear. She didn't tell me about Noah! She contacted me two years after we moved and made me promise to not tell you, but she never said a word about a kid! She probably knew I wouldn't be able to lie to you about that."

James faced Logan again. "Then what the hell _did_ you lie to me about?"

"About her! She was in love with you! For years she was in love with you and you never saw it! How the hell did you not realize?"

Now Kendall closed the distance to James, a hand on his shoulder because he looked unsteady.

"What are you talking about?"

"James," Logan sighed, already drained. "She had a crush on you since junior high. Probably longer. All she ever wanted was to be with you. And you were so oblivious."

James' shoulders fell, his anger fading. "That's impossible."

"Why do you think she was so determined to sleep with you that night? She knew it was her only chance to be with you before she moved away, and she made me pretend to pass out so she could be alone with you."

James' mind was spinning. Kendall guided him to the wall because there was no furniture for him to sit on, and James let Kendall push him down onto the floor. Carlos moved to Logan, not touching him but wanting it known he was there if Logan needed him.

"I'm sorry I never told you. She begged me not to and...I thought she was right; it wouldn't have made a difference and you would've felt guilty for not loving her back."

James' head hit the wall. "So...did she get pregnant on purpose?"

"No. I mean...I can't say for sure since she didn't even tell me it ever happened, but I know she was planning to move away after graduation. She just wanted one night with you. I gave her a condom to use. Did she not?"

"No," James sighed. "We were stupid. Logan...how could you keep this from me? Not even that, but the fact that you were in touch with her? That she was talking to you? You knew how much it hurt me that she cut me off."

"I know. She asked me not to, told me that if I told you, she'd never speak to me again. And...I couldn't lose her. The first time was hard enough. The truth is...I was selfish. I finally had her all to myself, didn't have to listen to her pine over you and wish you would love her. Do you know what it's like to be in your shadow, when all I wanted was for her to look at me like that? I could never live up to you in her eyes."

James didn't get it right away. Carlos did, reaching out for Logan's hand; Logan let him take it. Kendall waited for it to sink in.

"Wait," James blurted. "Are you saying...?"

Logan nodded. "Since fifth grade, James. But it was always about you."

"That doesn't make sense. You were into dudes before I was."

"She was special," Logan shrugged. "You may not have been in love with her, but you know that. She would've done anything for you."

"Even keep your son a secret so you wouldn't be held back in life," Kendall said quietly. "She didn't want you to be trapped the way she was."

"That's bullshit. She knew me well enough to know I would've stayed and raised him."

"That's the exact point I'm trying to make, babe. She knew that and chose to let you go."

"Did she know?" James asked, eyes on Logan now. "How you felt?"

"I don't know. I never told her. She reached out to me because she missed me, but I think more than anything she needed to know about you. She was always asking about you. Right up until the end."

"Fuck," James muttered. "Did you know about the drugs?"

"Nope. She kept that from me, too. We used to meet up sometimes; her mom allowed it because she was hoping I'd end up with Shannon. Or so Shannon said. Then it stopped and she couldn't meet me in person anymore, so we went to writing letters. She'd mail them from school, and I'd mail them to some box she'd gotten there. She looked great when I saw her. I don't know when or how the drugs started."

James licked his lips. "I do. It was after her mom told her she couldn't see you anymore. That sent her over the edge. So...don't think she didn't love you, Logan. In her own way, she did."

Logan shook his head, sadness filling deep brown eyes. "Not the way I needed her to. She couldn't even tell me she had a kid. Obviously there was no trust there." He swallowed before adding, "What's crazy is that I would've left Chad for her. Here I was so devastated by Chad's betrayal, but I was wishing the whole time I was with him that Shannon would love me. Who's the real asshole in that equation?"

Carlos' fear of pushing Logan too far seemed to have disappeared. He pulled Logan back against him, hugging his waist. "You're not an asshole," he whispered.

"I am. That's partly the reason I wouldn't date anyone again, James. I wanted Shannon to know that...if she changed her mind about me...I was there. You know? There was always that hope that one day I'd talk her into running away and...well."

James closed his eyes, not wanting to see Logan's pain; he couldn't remain angry if Logan was hurting. Kendall sank down next to him, their shoulders touching as they leaned against the wall. James asked, "Did Chad really cheat on you? Or did you just make that up?"

"No, that was all true. He was cheating on me almost from the start. I just...was too caught up in Shannon to notice the signs. So in a way, it's my own fault. Her telling me we couldn't see each other anymore...that hit me harder than anything Chad ever did."

"So...how did Sherry find out you were gay?" Kendall wanted to know. It didn't really matter at this point, but his curiosity prompted him to ask.

"Shannon said she made the mistake of mentioning Chad once. I don't know the specifics, only that she slipped up and said something about me living with a guy. Sherry knew by then that James was gay, because Shannon had told her that years before, and when she found out I was living with a guy she became suspicious."

Carlos rolled his eyes. "This woman's ridiculous. Like you can't live with a guy and be straight?"

"That's just how she is," James sighed. "Always looking for the evil in people." He finally looked up, pinning Logan with a deep stare. "Do you swear to me she never told you about Noah? You never went to the house, never saw him, never knew he was even a thing?"

Logan nodded, and Kendall saw the truth in his eyes; he was as deeply betrayed by her secret as James had been. He stepped away from Carlos, not because he needed space but so that he could reach into a back pocket for his wallet. "Here."

It wasn't money he pulled out but a square of notebook paper that had been folded and was beginning to look frayed.

"This is the last letter she wrote me, about a month before she...anyway, you can see there's nothing about Noah in it. I really didn't know, James. I promise."

James didn't want to read it. He sat stiffly, as still as stone, so Kendall reached up to take it from Logan. Kendall could feel the tension in James. "Want me to read it for you?" he asked softly.

"I don't care," James mumbled. His lower lip trembled, tears coating his lashes, and Logan sank down on his other side.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I lied to you all these years. I just...I loved her so much. I couldn't lose her again."

Logan was crushed into a tight hug by James, and that was all it took to break the dam wide open—they cried into each other, Kendall's heart bleeding for them and the heartache they'd suffered from a woman who had lied to them both. Carlos lowered himself to join them on Kendall's left, leaning in so he could see the letter that Kendall unfolded. Shannon hadn't written much, just a few paragraphs to check in and let Logan know she was doing okay. There was no mention of Noah, no mention of Lucy, and the second half was mostly devoted to questions about James. Kendall could only imagine how much that must have hurt Logan.

A sentence caught his eye toward the bottom. _"Does he still go on about the coffeehouse guy? I hope he gets up the courage to talk to the guy someday. I want him to be happy and I think he could be with a guy like that. See what you can do to get James to talk to him."_

Carlos saw it as well and pointed to it. Kendall nodded. He waited for the echoing sobs to taper off and asked, "You told her about me?"

Logan sniffed deeply and cleared his throat, then wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Yeah. She knew James slept around a lot because I told her that, but she also knew you were the man of his dreams. She was hoping it would work out one day. She didn't want James to be alone forever."

"Wait, she knew about Kendall?" James clarified. "Let me see that."

"She was always asking if James had found someone serious. I told her that as long as the coffeehouse guy was around, James didn't really have eyes for anyone else. At least not in a way that would lead to something."

James' gaze was moving over the letter hungrily now, as if desperate to see a physical reminder of Shannon.

 _...with a guy like that._ Kendall frowned. "Why did she talk like she knew me? Logan, did we meet before James introduced us? Were you a customer?"

"No, I hadn't come in there before. I always stopped at the place across the street. No offense. I think she just meant that you were a normal guy, not someone looking to hook up with him like the others were."

James nudged away tears with his hand. "So you just carry this letter with you everywhere?"

Logan shrugged, suddenly interested in a speck of lint on his t-shirt. "It's the last thing she ever said to me. I...didn't want to forget."

"It's okay," Carlos assured him. "Don't be ashamed. And...I'm not gonna pressure you at all, okay? I want to make sure you know that. It's okay that you love her and miss her. You can talk about her anytime with me, tell me all about her if you want. Just to keep her alive, you know?"

Logan managed a weak smile for Carlos. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Do you have any pictures of her? I bet Noah looks like her."

"He looks more like me," James chuckled. "But he does have her chin. And a tiny hint of strawberry in his hair. I don't have any pictures, I got rid of everything."

After shifting to pull out his wallet again, Logan settled in against James and flipped to a compartment that held a few credit cards. From behind one he slid out a photo. Everyone crowded him to see it, and Kendall's heart went wild at the sight of James as a teenager. His hair was longer and lighter, his features more smooth. He was wearing a smile, but his gaze looked haunted as if there were secrets he kept hidden—or maybe demons he couldn't face. A younger Logan flanked him on the right, and to his left was a girl with long hair almost as deep a red as Kendall's mother's. Her arms were wrapped around James' forearm and her head on his shoulder as she grinned for the camera, and...

"Oh my god. Marie."

Kendall shot up fast, almost knocking Carlos down in the process. The letter fell to the floor and his hands carded through his hair as shock set in.

"What?" James' gaze moved from Kendall to Logan in confusion, as if Logan might have the answer.

"Carlos," Kendall breathed. "Look at her. _Look_ at her. It's Marie."

"Marie?" Carlos echoed. He looked more closely at the photo, then suddenly gasped. "Holy shit! Kendall! That's Marie!"

"I know! That's what I'm telling you!"

Now James stood up. "Marie?"

"Oh my god." It was all starting to make sense to Kendall. "James. She did know me. She was...oh my _god_. I bet she was checking up on me. To see what I was like, if I was someone worthy of you."

Logan scooped up the letter from the floor before standing. "Marie is Shannon's middle name. You're saying she went into the coffeehouse?"

"Once a week, like clockwork," Kendall nodded. "We have customers like that, it's just part of their routine to come in. Like James. Only she would come in once a week instead of once a day. Two o'clock on the dot. Large house blend—"

"Heavy on the cream," Carlos finished. "And she'd sit in the place for about an hour, always right near the pickup counter. Facing it. Reading a book."

"Or pretending to," Kendall realized. "Jesus. She was checking me out."

James' mouth opened and then closed, his lips shaking. "She was there?" he whispered. "Every fucking week?"

"Never when you were, babe. That much I know."

Logan let out a sigh. "She knew you slept during the day. I told her that. She would've known it was safe because she knew I never went in there either. Wow, Shannon."

James tried to fight them, but the tears came back. "She was there. Right there. So close to me and...I never..."

"You didn't know," Kendall soothed, pulling James into his embrace. "You couldn't have changed anything."

"If I'd just gone in once and saw her...maybe...we could've talked, I might've found out about Noah and been able to talk her into leaving that place, she wouldn't have...dammit, Shannon, why? She cared enough about me to scope out the guy I was crushing on but not enough to tell me I had a fucking _son_? What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry." There was nothing for Kendall to be sorry for, but he hated seeing his fiance in such pain. "I'm so sorry. She cared for you, she just—" His gaze caught on Logan refolding the letter and he jolted. "Logan. The letter. We need the letter."

"What?" Logan's hand froze.

"For the case. We need proof that the letter she left for James was written by her. We need a sample of her handwriting. Did she date that letter?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"And she signed it, right?"

"Yeah, but...is that enough?"

Kendall shrugged while James spun to reach for the piece of paper. "Let me see that again."

"It can't hurt," Kendall added. "Don't worry, we'll make a copy of it. We'll let you keep the original. Though...actually, can we use the original? Writing is very unique, and even something as simple as how hard she pressed with a pen can identify it as her writing. I swear you'll get it back."

"Take it," Logan said with a wave of his hand. "If it helps get Noah back, do whatever you want with it. That's what she would want anyway."

"Thanks, man." James hugged Logan, squeezing tightly. "I'm sorry she never...I mean, I think if she'd let herself love you, things would be different today."

"Yeah, and Noah might not even be born. It all evens out."

"Exactly!" Carlos exclaimed. "Bad leads to good! I was just telling Kendall that last night."

Over James' shoulder, Logan offered him a tiny smile. "You still up for that movie tonight?"

"Hell yeah! You still coming to Kendall's with us? I don't want to scare you, but you need to meet his mom."

"Why?" Logan asked with suspicion.

"Because I like you," Carlos smirked. "And even if 'like' is all we ever get to, I'm not wasting a chance to spend time with you."

James shoved Logan away, only being semi-gentle about it. "Dude, I'm telling you right now, if you pass this up? You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Carlos is exactly what you need. You've got this great guy just dying to be with you, someone who really does appreciate you the way she never did. You'd be an idiot to let that go."

Logan bit his lip; all the eyes on him were making him fidgety. "That's...the advice I needed. Can we talk later tonight? I have...there are so many...help."

James laughed while clapping Logan on the back. "Give me that letter and you can have anything you want from me."

They were thirty minutes into the move before Logan took James aside and asked, "Was there anything in her letter about me? Anything besides the part where she told you we talked?"

"Yeah," James smiled. "She said she wants Uncle Logan in Noah's life, that he needs you. She's not wrong."

Logan's face said everything words couldn't, and they hugged one more time.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N—Back for the weekly update. Thank you so much for reading! We're still on Sunday for now, just in case it's confusing. I'm hoping to have another chapter up this weekend, but probably won't until next week. Fingers crossed!

* * *

Once they got all of Carlos' belongings that he was keeping with him moved into The Pembroke, Kendall accompanied him to return the rental truck and pick up his own. James and Logan seemed to be okay now, but Kendall was still a tiny bit hesitant to leave them alone—he knew how easily James sometimes flew off the handle.

While waiting for Carlos to join him, Kendall stepped up behind James and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" he asked softly.

James leaned back against him, letting his body relax for a moment and closing his eyes. "I'm...better."

"So if I leave you alone with him you're not gonna yell at him?"

"No," James sighed. "I'm still hurt but...I know why he did it. And I believe him when he says he didn't know about Noah. I can tell when he's lying. Or...I mean...wow, maybe I'm not as good at that as I always thought."

Kendall spun him around slowly to look into his eyes. "I think you are. You never asked him outright if he was still talking to Shannon, so technically he didn't lie to your face. I think if he had, you would've sensed it."

"Maybe. Hopefully." James shook his head to clear it, then smiled at Kendall. "I'm just really happy you're here."

The comment had nothing to do with their current discussion. That didn't matter to Kendall, who returned the smile and kissed James lightly. "I love you, you know. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

James nodded, keeping their gazes locked. "And that still blows my mind."

Carlos' voice boomed from the hallway. "Come on, lovebirds, break it up. Let's get this truck back so we can move on with our day. I've got Mama Knight's potato salad waiting for me!"

"Hey, she only made that because I asked her to!" Kendall pointed out. "I get first dibs!"

"Keep dreaming. You know I'm her favorite."

Carlos winked at Logan, who'd just come out of Noah's room, while Kendall rolled his eyes. "See you in a bit, babe." He started to move away but James grabbed his hand, pulling him back for another kiss. Kendall eagerly returned it, knowing James was absorbing strength and wanting to give him that. No matter what James said, they both knew that once he was alone with Logan, it would be awkward.

"I love you, too, you know," James whispered. "Hurry back before I start to freak out about meeting your family."

Kendall grinned. "They're gonna love you, babe. Carlos? You ready?"

"I've only been ready for a half hour, just standing here waiting for you two to stop swapping spit."

"Shut up," Kendall chuckled, smacking the back of Carlos' head. "It was thirty seconds. And you're just jealous."

"Can't argue that," Carlos replied, but it was under his breath so that only Kendall would hear. He waited until the door was closed behind them to add, "I think he's starting to freak out."

"Yeah, between the fight with Logan and his nerves over meeting Mom, _plus_ his constant waiting for Noah to call, he's got a lot going on."

Carlos pressed the button to call the elevator. "No, I meant Logan. He's starting to freak out."

"What? Why?" Of course all of Kendall's focus had been on James, so he hadn't noticed.

"I think it's all getting to him, too. The fight really scared him; I don't think I realized just how much James means to him until today, when he was afraid of losing James. We've never talked about it, but what other friends does Logan actually have? From what I can tell, James is it." They stepped into the elevator, Carlos selecting the bottom floor. "So if he lost James, he'd have no one except his mom."

"Yeah? Is he on good terms with his mom?"

"Sounds like it, but he doesn't see her a lot. Only for holidays and stuff. And by the way, James usually goes with him like for Christmas and Thanksgiving. So that tells me James isn't on great terms with his parents."

"It's just his mom, and she's..." How to explain what Kendall himself didn't truly understand? "There's friction there. But she's coming down for the hearing Tuesday, so she at least cares. I think she's trying. And she wants to meet Noah."

"That's good. But yeah, Logan definitely is afraid to lose James. And didn't I tell you, Kendall? Did I not say that Logan wouldn't hide a son from James?"

"You did," Kendall admitted.

"I knew that, and I've only known Logan like a week."

"James...he lets his emotions cloud his thinking sometimes. If he's hurt he lashes out. And that hurt him a lot."

"I know. He's not still mad, is he? Like...he's not gonna scream at Logan if we leave them alone?"

"He promised he wouldn't." When Carlos looked over sharply, Kendall smirked. "Yep, I asked. I was worried about that, too."

They stopped to greet Harvey, who made sure Carlos was settled in properly and offered his assistance for the tenth time. "Anything you need, Mr. Garcia. It's a pleasure to have you at The Pembroke."

"Please, Harvey, it's just Carlos. And I'm glad to be here. Hopefully it'll be longer than two days."

As Kendall didn't feel confident that it would be, he said nothing to that and continued their earlier conversation as they walked to the truck and James' car, which had been parked on the street for once. "James is still hurt, but I don't think he's angry anymore."

"That's good. Because Logan's got enough to worry about with meeting your family."

"My family?" Kendall frowned. "What does that have to do with him? They're going to be more concerned with James."

"Right, but how does it look that he's arriving with me? He knows I'm close to your mom. He's really smart, he'll know she's sizing him up, too."

Kendall hadn't considered that. She would be, if she knew he was a prospective boyfriend for Carlos. "Does she know you have feelings for him?"

"Duh. I gushed about him on the phone to her."

Kendall chuckled. "Of course you did."

"So I think Logan's starting to freak out about that, too. He isn't even sure he wants to date me but suddenly he's being looked at that way. You know?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. He stopped next to the moving truck and turned to Carlos. "I'll call them right now. Make sure they know to go easy on Logan because he isn't your boyfriend and is already confused enough."

"Thanks. They're not gonna go easy on James, though. You know that, right?"

"I know," he laughed. "I already warned James. Which is why he's starting to freak out."

"Dude, I hope Katie doesn't scare him away."

"She won't. He's tough. Deep down he's incredibly fragile, but when someone comes at him in challenge, he fights right back. God, I love him. Part of me just wants to protect him all the time, while the other half loves to watch him fight back."

Carlos smiled before clapping Kendall on the back. "Aren't you glad you took a chance and ate your lunch outside the breakroom that day?"

" _So_ glad," Kendall sighed. "We needed each other."

"Yeah. Logan needs me. I just hope he finds the courage to let me in."

"He will, buddy. I really believe that. Might take some time, though."

"I got time." He climbed up into the truck. "See you soon."

* * *

Everyone felt better after a shower and change of clothes. They could've all taken one car to the Knight home, but since Carlos and Logan had plans afterward it was decided that they'd go in Carlos' truck while Kendall drove himself and James. Kendall was secretly glad, as it gave him time alone to check in with James and get an honest answer to the most important question. "How you doing? Nervous?"

"Understatement." James' fingers fidgeted as they always did when he was on edge. "What if they don't like me?"

"They're gonna love you."

"But if they don't. That's gonna cause problems for us in the future."

"It won't change the way I feel about you."

"How can it not? It's your family and you love them and they'll see all the flaws in me that your love blinds you to. Then you won't be able to overlook those anymore and—"

"James," Kendall chuckled, feeling bad for laughing but it amused him that James thought Kendall couldn't see his flaws. "Babe. I'm aware that you're not perfect."

"Are you, though? Because you're still here, and I feel like if you really did see all my bad qualities you would've run by now."

"Then you don't know me. I don't run."

James turned sideways to study Kendall's profile. "Why wouldn't you? I mean...why _haven't_ you? All this shit you've had to deal with, and me crying a thousand times a day and...is it just because of Noah? Because you need to make sure he's okay?"

"It's because I need to make sure _you're_ okay. Because I love you. Because without you I'm not the best person I can be. And let me ask you something."

James bit his lip while waiting for Kendall to continue.

"What if your mom hates me?"

"She doesn't even know you."

"Right, but she'll meet me Tuesday. What if she hates me then?"

"She'd be a fucking moron."

"Okay but would that change your feelings for me? She's the type who would sit there and list all of the things wrong about me, one by one. Am I right?"

"Yep."

"So let's say that happens. She doesn't like a single thing about me and thinks we shouldn't be together. Does that change how you feel about me?"

"Of course not. She's just stupid if she doesn't see how amazing you are."

"Exactly. And that's how I feel about you. My family's opinion isn't going to affect how much I love you."

"Okay but the difference is you actually get along with your family. They love you."

"Do you think your mother doesn't love you, James?" There was enough hesitation that Kendall glanced over for a second. "Babe. She loves you."

"I...sometimes I'm not so sure. She's never actually said it."

"Never?" Kendall asked in disbelief.

"I mean, maybe a few times when I was a kid. Not for years, though."

That just made Kendall sad. "Well, I can only go off what I heard in that phone call the other night, and I heard love in her voice. She wants to fix things, James. She's willing to try."

James' teeth were gnawing at his bottom lip now. "I was starting to think I imagined all that."

"You didn't." Kendall reached over for his hand. "I was there, I heard it. I know it's scary to open your heart to her, but...try it. Let her in. For Noah's sake, if nothing else."

"Ugh, there you go, using Noah against me again. You're an asshole."

"I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and I'm right," Kendall grinned. "Going back to my original point, it doesn't matter what my mom and Katie think of you. I love you." He squeezed James hand tighter.

"You're crazy."

"But very much in love."

"Still crazy."

Kendall shrugged. "I'll take it. I'm happy."

James had been fighting it, but he could no longer contain the smile that beamed forth suddenly. "Me, too. I mean, I'd be happier if Noah was home with us but as far as you and me...I'm happy, too."

"Great! So it's settled. We should date."

"Are we not already?" James giggled.

"Nah, we're engaged. That's different. What we need is a date."

"Ah. The infamous date makes a comeback."

"Infamous? Is it a bad thing?"

"Depends. Are you taking me to a space museum? Because according to Carlos and Noah, that's the hottest place in town."

Kendall laughed hard, though there was a slight twinge of sadness along with it. "Is that where you want to go? I'll take you there. Anywhere you want."

"Nah, I really do want to save that for Noah. If it's just you and me...hmm. I think it would be nice to have dinner with you."

"One that you don't have to cook?" Kendall teased.

"Actually, I love to cook for you. It's kind of...how I express my love. If I'm cooking for you, you know you're loved."

"Good to know. So you want to cook for me?"

"Not this time. Let's go out. Take me on a proper date. Dinner, dancing...unless you don't like to dance."

"I like to watch _you_ dance. Can we just go to a club and I'll sit at the bar and watch _you_ dance?"

"Hell, if you're gonna do that we might as well go to my club so I can get paid for dancing. These legal fees are piling up."

It was said as a joke, but the idea wasn't horrible to Kendall. He wondered what it would be like to sit in a room and watch James dance for a ton of other guys, all the while knowing he'd get to touch James and nobody else would.

James interrupted his reverie. "Babe, I was kidding. I wouldn't really make you do that."

"What if I wanted to?"

" _Do_ you?" James asked in shock, again studying Kendall. "I thought you didn't like that sort of thing."

"I didn't. I was just thinking that it might be hot to watch you and know you belong to me. Everyone in that room fantasizing about being with you, but at the end of the night it's me you go home with. It's...hot."

James was suddenly breathless. "Let me dance for you."

Kendall licked his lips, throat tight. There was a good chance James would be giving up this job in a matter of days.

" _Do you know what I picture every single time? What I see in my head as I dance? This. You, sitting right here watching me."_

James _liked_ dancing for Kendall.

"Okay," Kendall managed.

"Really? You really want to see me dance tonight?"

"Would your boss mind?"

"Are you kidding? He begs me to come back every day."

"Yeah, but just for one dance? Because I don't want to be there all night."

"Just one dance," James nodded. "You treat me to dinner first. Somewhere romantic. We fall more in love. And then I put on a show for you before you take me home and remind me that no one else gets to touch this body."

Kendall's own body was 100% on board. "Sure. Yeah. We can do that."

"Oh my god, you're so turned on right now." James was delighted.

"Which is why we need to change the subject. I can't greet my mother and sister like this."

"No, I think it would be funny."

"Not funny. Talk about something else."

"Okay. How about the way you made love to me last night?"

"James, I swear to God."

"Or that blowjob I started to give you when—"

"Tell me how it went between you and Logan when we left."

It worked; James reacted like cold water had been dumped over his head. "Wow. Way to kill the mood."

"That was my goal. Seriously, though. Talk to me."

"Fine. It was a little weird at first, but then we got past it and he asked me for advice about Carlos."

"Yeah?" Excitement for Carlos made Kendall smile. "And? Did you tell him to grab that and never let go?"

"Pretty much."

"And his decision?"

"It's easier if I just start from the beginning. How long do we have?"

"We're about fifteen minutes away."

"Perfect."

* * *

 _The door closes to usher Kendall and Carlos out of the apartment, and the silence that falls over them is thick and heavy like an avalanche. Suddenly neither of them knows where to look. Logan settles on the view of the city below through the wall of glass._

 _James clears his throat. "I really need a shower. You cool if I...?"_

" _Yeah, of course. Mind if I raid your refrigerator for something to drink?"_

" _No, go for it. You can use my shower too, if you need to. Did you bring something to change into for your date?"_

" _It's not a date," Logan answers automatically. "But...yes. Kendall told me to put my stuff in Noah's room so..."_

" _Great. I'll be back."_

" _Okay."_

 _James gets as far as the hallway before he can't stand it anymore; this is Logan, the guy who saved his life so many times and never abandoned him. The fact that Logan is asking if he can grab a drink, like he's a guest in this home where he has hung out and watched movies and eaten meals, it sits wrong with James. He spins around to see that Logan hasn't moved; he's still staring out the window and hunched in on himself. "Dude. I don't like this. I don't want to be here with you."_

 _Logan slowly turns, unable to meet James' gaze. "Okay. I understand. Let me just grab my stuff and—"_

" _No, that's not what I meant."_

 _Logan has taken three steps toward Noah's room but stops._

" _I mean in this place. Where we don't even know what to say to each other. I thought we were okay after I blew up at you, we cried it out and hugged and...I'm sorry I yelled. I just...I was so hurt when I thought you'd hide Noah from me, and—"_

" _If I'd done that, I would've deserved to be yelled at. I'm not upset with you, I'm more nervous that you're still upset with me."_

 _James shrugs, wishing he could say that wasn't the truth. "It's hard to know that you lied to me for the past...how many years?"_

 _Logan hangs his head. "Four. I wanted to tell you so many times, but whenever I brought her up you refused to talk about her. And I knew if I told you, you'd get mad and go yell at her and then she'd never talk to me again and...it was easier to pretend like I didn't know anything. I mean, if I told you I'd been lying, I might lose you. But if I told you about her, I would've lost her. I couldn't stand either of those things."_

" _Jesus, I hate him," James mutters._

" _What? Who?"_

" _Kendall. He's always right. He told me that, tried to make me understand that you probably felt torn between us. He kept me from breaking up your date last night."_

" _It wasn't a—"_

" _Oh, Logan, can you stop lying to yourself about that? You like him. And that's okay, he's a great guy. Kendall said Carlos had a good time with you, that he was ecstatic last night."_

" _Yeah?" Logan breathes in deeply before pushing out air. "I was afraid to give him false hope."_

 _James takes a few steps closer while studying Logan. "Was it false, though? Because you're going out with him again tonight and for you, that's...something."_

" _He makes me laugh," Logan admits. "He's kind of silly. But he also listens when I speak, doesn't just zone out or pretend to be interested in hopes we'll end up in bed after. Chad used to do that. He never cared about my work or what I found interesting."_

" _I know. Carlos does. You said you needed advice." James lowers himself to the sofa and pats the cushion next to him. "Let's do it."_

 _Logan slowly approaches, then seats himself on the edge as if ready to run. "Okay but first, are we okay? I understand you being hurt."_

" _And I understand you being torn. We're even."_

 _Logan nods. He scoots further back to relax into the sofa._

" _Talk."_

" _Yesterday was...magical."_

" _Magical?" James echoes. "I've only heard you use that word to describe celestial events. You really like him."_

" _I didn't expect to. I didn't even want to."_

" _Yeah, well...love doesn't care. When it's right, your heart overrides your brain."_

" _I've never had that problem." When James lifts an eyebrow, Logan concedes, "She was different. We had years to build up that friendship. I've barely spoken to Carlos."_

" _You spent two dinners and an entire day with him. I think that's enough to know when something's right."_

" _But how do you know?"_

" _How do_ I _know?"_

" _Yeah, I mean...with Kendall. You were fixated on him for two years even though you exchanged maybe five words with him. How did you know?"_

 _James shakes his head, unsure how to answer. "It's not something I can explain. It was something in his smile. In his eyes. Besides the fact that he's gorgeous, I mean that was probably the first thing I noticed. But I see gorgeous guys all the time."_

" _Right, that's what I'm saying. What was different about him?"_

" _I don't really know, Logan. It was a feeling. Something woke up inside me, came alive. Something I'd either buried years before or never knew was there. And once I knew about it, I couldn't let it go."_

 _Logan considers that. "I think I felt a little of that the night we first talked."_

" _At Black Forest?"_

" _No," Logan chuckles. "That day he just scared me. I'm talking about when we were both here for dinner and we were in Noah's room. He asked me to explain how the universe was formed and...it was there. It scared me so much I left."_

" _I remember. And then we left you two alone Friday night and you felt it again."_

" _What if it doesn't work out, though? I don't want to turn my life upside down and fall in love if he's just gonna cheat on me or get bored with me."_

" _I understand that, dude, but we don't know the future. All you can control is right now."_

" _Right now isn't enough."_

 _James sighs and leans back, stretching his arms to loosen the muscles that had kinked up during the move. "Okay, let me try it this way. The way he makes you feel. Do you like it?"_

" _It scares me."_

" _I know, but do you like it?"_

 _Logan glares at James as if betrayed._

" _Yes or no?"_

" _It's...exhilarating."_

" _Okay. And let's say you decide not to take a chance with him. You agree to be friends, which he's perfectly willing to be satisfied with, by the way—"_

" _I know. He doesn't pressure me, and that helps."_

" _Right. So you guys stay friends. Noah has a birthday party. I invite you both, Uncle Logan and Uncle Carlos. Because Noah would want that."_

 _Logan nods._

" _And Carlos brings a date."_

 _His head shoots up. "Excuse me?"_

" _You heard me," James smirks. "Carlos brings a date. Because if you're not gonna date him, he'll move on. He deserves to be happy, right?"_

" _Well...yeah, of course."_

" _So he finds someone else and brings that guy along to Noah's party. You're sitting at a table with Kendall and him while I'm running around serving guests and keeping an eye on the kids—"_

" _Oh please, we both know Kendall would be helping you."_

 _James' eyes roll to the ceiling. "That doesn't matter. But fine, you're sitting at a table with Carlos and his date. Carlos is laughing because the date is funny and they're telling you all about the movie they saw the night before. About their recent trip to the museum. And you're remembering last night. You're also remembering tonight, whatever memories you make with him tonight are running through your head. But you missed your chance and he moved on and now he's doing those things with someone else."_

 _Logan can hardly breathe. James watches as the minor panic attack hits, doesn't miss that Logan's eyes are sparkling with sudden devastating emotion. Gently, James asks, "What are you feeling in that moment?" There's no answer, just shallow breathing. "Logan. Tell me."_

" _Pain."_

" _Pain."_

" _Regret. Longing. I don't want someone else to take him those places. I don't want him to look at another guy with that fascination. I want it to be me."_

 _James leans closer and whispers, "It can be. It's not too late."_

 _Logan swallows hard, blinking furiously._

" _Once that feeling takes hold, you can't live without it, Logan. I can't stand the thought that Kendall might get bored with me one day or find someone better. But it might happen."_

" _James, no, he loves you, I can see it when—"_

" _Yes, he loves me now. Five years from now? Who knows? It's terrifying. But you know what? If I don't hold on to him now, it's guaranteed I won't have him then. At least if I'm making the effort now and taking everything he's offering, I can't say I didn't try. And I'm not missing out on the best days of my life. I've never felt alive the way I do when he's near me. Or even just talking on the phone with me. He makes me his world and that's what I can't live without. Carlos is offering you that, and he's willing to take it at your pace. Just because Kendall and I jumped into bed the first night doesn't mean you have to. Carlos is fine with waiting until you're ready. Build up that trust over time, take as long as you need, but don't close that door before you even have a chance to walk through it. He's waiting on the other side, Logan. He'll look out for you and let you do the same for him. He just wants to know you and be near you. Don't let someone else take that opportunity away from you."_

 _Logan's eyes are glossed over._

" _And when you get scared and want to run? Remember that vision of Noah's party, and watching him be in love with someone else. If you run, that's what'll happen."_

 _Logan sniffs in a breath and stands up shakily. "Can I...is it okay if I shower first?"_

" _Go for it, buddy. Clear your head. Think about everything I just said."_

 _Logan nods. "Thanks. I know I act like I'm the smart one in this friendship, but when it comes to this sort of thing..."_

 _James smiles. "Yeah, I get it from Kendall. He's annoying when he's right, but I'm so grateful it's me who gets to be on the other end of that."_

* * *

"Oh, knock that smug grin off your face."

Kendall did the exact opposite, his smile growing in size.

"Don't let it go to your head, babe."

"I just love hearing that I'm right."

"I hate admitting it. But like I said, I'm grateful for the wisdom you share with me."

"And for that something I brought alive in you."

James shrugged. "I don't deny that."

"Neither do I." Kendall made a right turn onto the street he'd grown up on. "You brought it alive in me, too."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. And I thank God every day that you did. We're here."

James' face paled. "Oh god. This is it."

"Yep." He pulled the car into the driveway, watching in the rear view as Carlos parked at the curb. "Just remember what I said, nothing inside that house is going to change the way I feel about you. Just promise me the same."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That my sister can be rude and my mother will treat you like family the second you walk in the door. Which means she'll ask a lot of personal and embarrassing questions."

"Will I get photos of you as a kid out of the deal?"

"Not if I can help it." Kendall opened the car door and stood up to stretch his legs.

James grinned. "That's my mission for the day." He watched Logan laugh over something Carlos said and asked, "Do you think Logan will kiss him before the night is through?"

"With the threat of some unknown boyfriend stealing him away? I'd bet my life."


	44. Chapter 44

A/N—Sorry for the long absence, the past two weeks have been hectic. I finally found the time to write this morning, though, so here's another chapter for you! Thanks for being patient and I hope you like this one. :)

* * *

Kendall used his own key to unlock the front door. They were greeted by a heavenly spicy aroma that had Kendall's mouth watering.

"Oh my god, what is that scent?" James asked. "Whatever it is, I need the recipe."

"It's fajitas!" Carlos exclaimed. "Kendall, she made us fajitas!" He abandoned the group to run off toward the kitchen, yelling, "Jennifer! I love you!"

James smirked back at Logan, who was hovering near the front door nervously. "Guess you've been tossed aside for fajitas."

Logan shot daggers back with his eyes. "We're not even dating."

"Yet," James winked.

"Wait, but does that mean she didn't make potato salad?" Kendall suddenly wondered. He broke away from James, who'd been clinging to his arm, and stomped toward the kitchen. "Mom! I specifically asked for—"

"Relax!" was called out from another room, then a tall, slim woman with flowing red hair rounded a corner to smile at Kendall before eagerly meeting him halfway with a tight hug. "Of course I made your potato salad. It doesn't really go with fajitas, but I knew you'd have a fit if I didn't make it." She was still holding on to him, Kendall embracing her just as fiercely, as they rocked from side to side. "I missed you so much! You don't visit enough."

"I'm a busy guy," Kendall reminded her. "But I missed you, too." Remembering that Logan and James were behind him, he asked, "Where's Carlos?"

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Chowing down on chips in the kitchen." She finally stepped back from Kendall to take in the others; _both_ were now hovering near the front door. After studying each one she gravitated toward James. "You have to be James. Hi, I'm Jennifer."

James nodded and extended his arm. She did the same and they shook hands. Kendall could see that James was putting on a brave front, but he was terrified. "Hi. It's...really an honor to meet you. If you're even half as amazing as Kendall makes you out to be, I'm in great company."

"Really?" Jennifer tossed a glance back over her shoulder at Kendall. "Why doesn't he tell _me_ how amazing I am?"

"Mom, please, you act like I—"

"I'm here!"

They all turned toward the kitchen, which Carlos was jogging out from in a panic.

"I'm sorry Logan, I ran in to say hi and then there were chips and she made _salsa_ , and...are you okay? Did you guys meet yet?"

"Um. Not yet." Logan let out a nervous chuckle at Carlos' worry. "It's fine. Hello." He directed the last to Jennifer. "I'm Logan."

"I've heard a little about you, too," Jennifer smiled, shaking his hand. "Welcome to our home. I'm sure you boys are hungry after moving furniture all morning, so come on into the dining room and I'll get you started with some chips and salsa. As long as Carlos didn't eat them all, of course," she teased.

"I only had a handful!" Carlos promised. He steered Logan through the kitchen toward the dining room. "Kendall, she made us tea, too!"

James frowned as Kendall placed a hand on his lower back to guide him. "I didn't know you drink tea."

"Almost never and only this kind. Mom makes a mint iced tea that's out of this world, babe. Do you like tea at all?"

"I can go for hot tea before bed if it's cold outside and I need to relax," James shared. "Not usually my thing, though." He tilted his head to whisper, "Did you warn her about Logan?"

"Yeah. She's not gonna interrogate him like she would most of Carlos' boyfriends. She'll save that for you," he smirked.

"Oh, great," James sighed. "The way she hugged you, though. My mom would never hug me like that."

Kendall halted just before stepping through the door leading from the kitchen to the dining room. He let the rest go ahead but kept James back with him, then turned and scooped James into his arms to squeeze tight. "I'll do it, then."

"God, I love you," James murmured. He hugged Kendall in return, nuzzling his face into Kendall's hair. "Somehow you know I'm terrified and I needed this."

"Sure, let's go with that," Kendall smiled. He did know James needed it, but there was also a selfish reason for the hug—he just really enjoyed having James close.

"Really? We haven't even gotten through lunch yet and you're already making out?"

James gasped and pushed Kendall away to turn and face the direction of the new voice. He looked as if he'd been caught doing something wrong.

"I wondered where you were," Kendall grinned, then wrapped her up in a tight hug. "Quit scaring away the love of my life. This is James." He moved away to glance at his fiance. "James? Katie."

Probably because of Kendall's warnings, James appeared more afraid to meet Katie than he had his future mother-in-law. Kendall tried to see Katie with new eyes, as James must be: a short, petite girl with long dark hair that was currently pulled back into a loose ponytail and dark eyes that were dissecting him in a glance. Kendall knew from growing up with her that Katie's diminutive size was misleading.

"Katie," James nodded, unsure if he should shake her hand.

A slow smile widened Katie's mouth. "Hi, James. Welcome to the family." Shocking them both, she stepped closer and hugged James briefly. "Let's get in there before Carlos eats all the salsa. I haven't had any yet." She pushed past them and through the swinging door. "Carlos, quit hogging it all! Two bowls doesn't mean you get one all to yourself. And don't even think about stealing my veggies later, I need something to put in my tortillas!"

James made no move to join them. Instead he met Kendall's gaze questioningly. "That...wasn't so bad. Is she just trying to put me off guard so she can attack later?"

"No, she usually attacks right away." Kendall was just as confused. "I'm not sure what this means. I've never seen her hug someone upon introduction—not unless she was forced to, anyway. I'll get her alone later and find out where her head is." He pressed a soft kiss to James' lips and said, "For now, I'm starving. Let's get in there and enjoy some chips before Mom brings out the good stuff."

James' eyes twinkled. "Mmm, you _are_ the good stuff."

Kendall laughed and took James by the hand to lead him into the dining room. They still had to get through his mother's test, and Katie might have more to attack with at some point, but none of that mattered.

Kendall had James, and that was enough to face anything.

* * *

Talk was light around the table as they ate, mostly consisting of rave compliments regarding the fajitas (which Jennifer had accompanied with Spanish rice that James claimed to be better than his own and planned to make for Noah in the future) and non-probing questions to get James and Logan talking as much as they were comfortable with. Kendall was on his third helping of potato salad when his mother finally broached the subject he'd been dreading because he knew it would upset James.

"Tell me more about Noah. Kendall says there's a custody battle going on?"

Kendall cringed, his stomach clenching. He'd warned his mother and Katie to go easy on Logan, but hadn't mentioned that bringing up Noah needed to be done delicately as well.

"Um...yeah." James set down his fork and reached for a glass of iced tea that he'd sampled and fallen in love with, sipping at it before continuing. "We have a hearing Tuesday to find out who gets custody."

"And it's his grandmother that's fighting you for it?"

"Right," James nodded. "Not _my_ mom, but his mother's parents. They raised him because Shannon never moved out."

Katie looked as if she wanted to say something, then changed her mind and scooped more rice into her mouth.

"Katie?" Kendall prodded. "Go ahead. Say what's on your mind. We might as well get everything out into the open."

"Calm down, Kendall, it's nothing bad. I was just wondering how it's possible to not know you're a parent for five years. That's what Mom told me, that you didn't know."

"It's true," James admitted. "I didn't. If I _had_ known, things would be very different right now."

"It's not his fault," Logan piped up. "Shannon kept it a secret on purpose. She thought she was doing the right thing for James. That was always her downfall, though—she put his needs before everyone else's, even her own son." When both James and Kendall looked at him in surprise, he shrugged. "It's true. Noah would've been much better off away from his grandmother, but she couldn't bring herself to mess up James' life and have him resent her even more."

"Noah wouldn't have messed up my life," James argued. "Are you kidding? He's made it so much better. I mean, there's a lot more stress involved and raising a kid isn't easy, but I'd choose that over the life I had before any day."

"I know," Logan nodded. "I'm just explaining her side of it, or at least what I imagine kept her from telling us."

That wasn't good enough for Katie. "Okay, but as Noah's father, he had a right to know. That's bullshit that James missed out on five years of his son's life."

"Thank you!" James exclaimed. "Not only that, a lot of emotional damage that Noah's suffered could've been avoided."

Jennifer asked, "How is it looking for Tuesday? Are you going to get him back?" Though she was asking the question of James, it was Kendall she looked to for an answer.

"Our case is solid," Kendall replied. "And just last night we got more evidence that's going to help, in the form of a letter from Shannon where she stated that she doesn't want her parents raising Noah. She wanted James to. That's probably going to win us the case, and hopefully Noah will be home Tuesday night. Wednesday at the latest. Oh babe, I forgot to mention that Carlos offered to take Wednesday off to help you move all of Noah's stuff out of Sherry's house, as long as the judge is okay with Carlos living with you. I can take his shift."

James was touched, sending Carlos a grateful smile across the table. "Thanks, dude. I appreciate that."

"Of course!" Carlos offered the last of the seasoned chicken and veggies to everyone else before packing them into a soft tortilla. "And if I have to move out, we can do that Tuesday night before Kendall goes back to work."

"Does this mean you're also going back to school?" Jennifer wanted to know. "Because I'm still not happy with you dropping out, Kendall."

"Mom, I didn't drop out. I'm just taking the rest of this semester off. I'll be going back next semester no matter what."

"Wait, Kendall's not going to school?" Katie suddenly asked. "That's not fair. Why do I have to?"

"Because I paid for it," was Jennifer's answer.

"So? You helped pay for Kendall, too. I wanted to quit last year and go on that wildlife preservation mission and you wouldn't let me. How is that fair?"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Hello, I'm saving a child."

"I would've saved animals."

Jennifer cut the argument off abruptly. "Nobody is quitting school. Katie, you can do much more with a degree than you could without it. And Kendall has been wanting to be a family attorney since he was twelve years old. It's happening. Now Carlos, explain why you would move out of James' apartment after living there for two days."

Having tuned them out in order to focus on his lunch, Carlos looked up with wide eyes. "What? I heard my name."

Logan chuckled and passed Carlos a napkin. "She's asking why you would already want to move out Tuesday."

"Oh! I don't _want_ to. The whole reason I moved in was to help take care of Noah when James has to work and Kendall has to be at school or work, but if the judge says I can't live there, obviously I'm moving out."

"Why would the judge say that?" Jennifer asked. "You're great with kids."

"Right, but..." He glanced over at Kendall, unsure how much he'd shared with his mother about the accusations in Sherry's petition.

Kendall took over. "Noah's grandmother said some things that are untrue in order to get Noah away from James. We were all named in the petition as bad influences on Noah."

Jennifer's fork clattered to her plate. "Bad influences? You and Carlos?"

"That's what she said," James confirmed. "Along with much more that I won't repeat."

"Wait a second." Jennifer actually pushed her chair back in outrage. "You're telling me that the court believes you're both some kind of danger to a child?"

Kendall nodded.

"Oh, that's unbelievable. How _dare_ she? Kendall, fix this!"

"I'm working on it, Mom," Kendall answered. "Our lawyer Paul has been great, and he says there's no reason why James wouldn't win custody at this point. He just has to make a few...lifestyle changes."

Katie's gaze narrowed. "Like what?"

"Um...like...being careful who Noah is exposed to. Instead of Carlos, there might have to be a state-licensed childcare person who watches Noah when James is working."

"Or you, if you're free," Jennifer pointed out.

James looked down at his plate. Kendall pushed his own away, appetite gone. "I'm probably one of those lifestyle changes that James will have to make. We're not gonna stop seeing each other, but I most likely won't be allowed to be part of Noah's upbringing or...even talk to him. So if that's the case, Carlos will move in with me until we can find a bigger place to share. And James and I will hang out when we can, maybe a date night once a week or something."

Silence reigned in the wake of Kendall's statement. He expected his mother to be further outraged but instead she stood up and said calmly, "Kendall, come with me."

"What? Where?"

"Outside. Now."

They watched her open the patio door and step outside, leaving it ajar for Kendall to follow.

James' fingers clawed at Kendall's. "She hates me."

"Shh, she doesn't. I'll be right back, babe." He made sure to kiss James' cheek before standing. "It's fine."

"It's not, she's gonna tell you to run and not look back. And I don't blame her."

Kendall sighed, wishing there was something he could say that would convince James otherwise. "I'm not going anywhere." He caught Carlos' eye, and his best friend nodded to communicate that he and Logan would handle James. "I love you," Kendall whispered before leaving James with a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder.

Jennifer had taken a seat on a padded bench pushed up against the back wall of the house. She scooted over to give Kendall room, then gestured for him to join her. "Mom—"

"Sit."

After letting out a defeated sigh, Kendall did. There was a nice breeze, making the afternoon heat bearable rather than oppressive. He stared out at the blue sky that was dotted by clouds because it was easier than facing his mother when she had something on her mind.

"You didn't tell me that they'd keep you away from Noah."

"It's not for sure. Just something we're going to offer if need be."

"Kendall..." She turned to him, her gaze troubled. "What is that going to do to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell when you talk about him, even over the phone...that little boy has stolen your heart. Having to give him up is going to tear you apart."

Kendall's breath stopped for a few seconds, tears instantly forming beneath his eyelids. "I'm trying not to think about it," he said thickly.

"But you have to," she replied gently. Her hand moved to cover his. "I listened to you in there talking about it like we were discussing something as mundane as the weather, but I know you and I can see that this is destroying you. Didn't I warn you not to get attached so quickly?"

Maybe not in so many words, but Kendall supposed she had. He shrugged. "I love them. It's not something I could just...stop. I mean, you like James a lot. I can tell."

"I do," she nodded.

"So how am I supposed to just...not care? Not fall in love? He's everything I've ever dreamed of in a partner, Mom."

"You dreamed of dating a father?"

"Well...no. That part..." He shook his head. "I didn't plan for that but I know now that it's something I need. There's nothing like being a father. Not that I'm Noah's dad," he added hurriedly. "I'm just a..." Panic started to set in as he could no longer ignore what he'd been trying to shove aside. "I wanted to be," he sniffed, and now the tears were spilling over. "I so wanted to be his dad one day."

"Oh, honey." Jennifer drew him in, guiding his head to her shoulder as he let out quiet sobs. "You said there's still a chance, right?"

"Yeah, but...that chance is small. I'm almost positive James will get Noah back, but only because we're all going to promise to keep away from him. And that's all that matters is that Noah comes home, that he's not stuck in that place. James deserves time with him. My goal here is to make that happen. What the judge decides about me doesn't matter."

"It does. It matters to me and to Katie and to you. I'd guess it matters to James, too. That boy is crazy about you, Kendall."

The last comment brought a smile to the surface. "I know. But his son takes priority, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

She rubbed Kendall's back as he calmed down. "Just so you know, I approve."

"Yeah?" Kendall chuckled.

"I still wish you two hadn't rushed into things so quickly, because now it's causing you pain, and I definitely think it's too early to discuss marriage, but..." Jennifer pulled away from Kendall to look at him. "Is that still on the table? If you can't be around Noah..."

"Hopefully one day," Kendall nodded. "We're hoping that eventually the court would trust James' judgment and...I don't know. Once he proves over time that he's a capable father, we can maybe petition the court for at least supervised visits from me."

"Supervised? No, honey, that's not..." She sighed in frustration, angry at the situation that was hurting her son so much. "So you two are still going to see each other? You and James?"

"Absolutely. We agreed that we don't want to walk away from each other."

"How long do you think that'll last, sweetheart? You'll grow apart, have different lifestyles and—"

She was voicing his deepest fear and Kendall couldn't bear it. "It'll last as long as we want it to," he said stubbornly. "If it's up to me? Forever."

Jennifer offered him a tolerant expression; she'd heard that tone before. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be realistic here."

"I know, and the truth is we talked about how we'd be honest with each other and if the feelings fade or someone new comes along that...well. We promised we'd be open about it and discuss that sort of thing."

"Really."

"Yes."

"I'm impressed. That's extremely mature. Much more than 'It's going to last forever because I say so.'"

"Well, it is," Kendall smirked. "Because I say so."

When Jennifer laughed, Kendall felt like he could breathe again. They were out of that cold place and back to safety, where topics like never seeing Noah and breaking up with James couldn't hurt him as long as they didn't acknowledge them.

"Listen, I want you to know that if Carlos does have to move out, you're both welcome to live here."

"I have a place, Mom."

"I'm just saying. Your place is tiny. You always have a home here."

"I know, and I appreciate it. But school and work are way out there."

"It's only a thirty-minute drive, Kendall."

"And that's too much to deal with numerous times a day. I know people do it all the time, but that would cut down on study time and along with the internship and work I'd be driving back and forth constantly."

"How's the internship going?"

"It's...uh...I actually left early the other day."

"Kendall!"

"I know, I know, but things were going on with Noah and James needed me, and...that just took priority."

"Okay, I understand that they mean a lot to you, but this is your future you're messing with. You dropped out of school, you—"

"I told you, I didn't drop out!"

"You're going to lose this internship next and then what? Spend your life making coffee? I know you enjoy working at Black Forest but it's not what you want to do for the rest of your life!"

"I know, Mom! Trust me, this entire experience with Noah is just reinforcing my career choice even more. I'm not giving that up."

"Good."

"But I have to see this through. After the hearing we'll know what our future looks like and I can go from there. It's just a few more days. For now, everything's in chaos but it'll settle down either with or without Noah, and...that will determine a lot of things."

"You're going back to school either way."

"I am. That's definite."

"So what will it determine?"

"Just...things. My schedule. Where I live. The goal is to move in with them and be a family. There's a tiny chance that might be possible. Probably not, but we're operating on optimism so it's in the back of my mind."

Kendall saw the thoughts behind her eyes: she wanted to tell him it was too soon to move in, she wanted to tell him to be careful, she wanted to protect him from the pain that could come from all of this. What she finally said was, "Can I see a picture of him?"

Kendall hadn't expected that. He sat up straighter with a smile. "Noah?"

"Of course. I know what James looks like."

Kendall reached for his phone and scrolled through the small collection of pictures James had sent him, along with a few he'd snapped himself. "And this is the day we both got our shots. He was so brave, Mom."

"He's adorable. You need to make sure James wins this case so that I can snuggle him and spoil him rotten, okay? I admit that I didn't expect to be a grandparent this soon, but I wouldn't turn away from that beautiful smile. He looks so happy."

"He was, and that took a good week to accomplish. We don't want him to go back to the scared kid he was before who thought his dad was evil."

Jennifer grinned at the photo of Noah touching a dolphin. "Katie's going to love him. She's always wanted to be a big sister."

"I guess it would sort of be like that, even though she'd technically be his aunt. First we have to get her on board with James, though."

"Oh, she loves James." Jennifer stood and passed the phone back, then raised her arms to stretch.

"What? Katie never likes my boyfriends on sight. She actually hugged James, though, and...she said that? She likes him?"

"She told me in the kitchen, when we were getting lunch ready to serve."

Kendall rose from the bench slowly, mind trying to wrap around that. "What makes James so different? She usually hates my boyfriends."

"Honey, it's never been them she hates." When Kendall looked even more confused, she amended, " _Hates_ isn't the right word. But we don't judge them by personality. That's not how we decide if it's a good match for you."

"What the hell else is there to judge?"

She laid a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "Kendall, it's not about them. It's about you. We study _you_ and how they make you feel. How you look at them. How you touch them. What they bring out in you. Katie said she walked in on you two hugging and she saw everything she needed to know in that moment."

Kendall blinked, trying to comprehend that. "And what did she see?"

"She said she could tell how much you cared about him, and even more how much he cared about you. In that moment when you both thought you were alone, you showed your true selves and she said it told her everything she needed to know."

"Which is?"

"That he's the right guy for you. And after getting to know him a little better and watching you two at the table, I agree. You moved way too fast, but I think what you two have right now is solid."

"Right now," Kendall echoed, his heart sinking. "You think it's gonna change if I can't be a father to Noah."

"I think that depends on you two and what you want from each other."

The back door suddenly flew open, James almost colliding with Jennifer in his rush to get to Kendall. "Sorry, Jennifer! Babe! He's calling!"

This time it was Kendall who almost knocked Jennifer down as he moved toward James. He scuttled around her and yelled, "Answer it!"

James remembered to put it on speaker before talking. "Hello? Baby, are you there?"

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby, it's me! How are you?"

"I just ate lunch. Grandpa made cheeseburgers in the backyard."

"Wow, sounds yummy."

"Yeah, he put extra cheese on mine. Grandma doesn't like cheese."

Somehow that didn't surprise Kendall. The woman probably hated cookies and chocolate, too.

"Who doesn't like cheese?" James said under his breath.

"Daddy, are you still there? I can't hear you."

"I'm here, baby. Where is Grandma now?"

"She went to the store. She always goes on Sunday after lunch and church. She buys lots of stuff."

Church. That was something Kendall hadn't considered, but it made sense that the family went.

"Where's Grandpa?" James wanted to know.

"He's cleaning the grill. It has black stuff all over it now. Is Kendall there?"

As always, Kendall's heart skipped a beat. "Hi, buddy."

"Kendall! I have a secret to tell you!"

"A secret?"

"Yeah! But nobody else can hear."

Kendall glanced around at James and noted his mother near the back door, listening intently. "Uh..."

"It's okay," James smiled. "You two share your secret. I'll just..."

"I'll tell you," Kendall mouthed.

"You'd better," was James' whispered reply. He passed Kendall the phone after canceling the speaker function.

Kendall raised the phone to his ear. "Okay, Noah, nobody else can hear you. It's just you and me right now."

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's close, but he can't hear your voice because we're not using the speaker."

"Okay. Grandpa is close but he isn't listening. I'll be quiet."

"Go ahead, buddy. What's your secret?"

"I found a wizard!" Noah hissed.

"A...what?" Kendall looked to James as if he could verify the statement, but of course James hadn't heard it; he looked back with concern.

"At church today! The priest talked about Jesus! He's a wizard, he can do magic!"

Comprehension dawned. "Oh! Jesus!"

James' eyes flew open wider at the exclamation, as he clearly thought Kendall was using the term as a show of surprise.

"You know Jesus?"

"I've heard of him, yes. He's..."

"A wizard, right?"

"I...suppose he is."

"Do you know him? Grandma said he died but came back to life and he's all around us now."

The idea seemed to excite Noah, so Kendall knew he had to handle this delicately. "I've heard that, too. Do you always go to church on Sundays?"

"Yeah."

"And...did Mom go, too? When she was here?"

"Yeah. She didn't like to go but Grandma made her."

"Do you like to go?" Noah's answer didn't come right away. Kendall prompted, "You can tell me the truth. Whatever it is."

"I like the singing."

"The...singing? The choir?"

"Yeah, the songs are pretty. I try to sing with them but I don't know all the words."

"Do you like music, Noah? We've never really talked about that."

"I like to sing."

"Okay," Kendall nodded. "That's good to know. I'd like to hear you sing sometime."

Noah went quiet again.

"Baby, I'm gonna turn the speaker on again, okay? Your daddy wants to talk to you."

"Kay."

Kendall whispered to James as he handed the phone back. "He's upset again, I can tell. I don't know why."

James nodded, his own eyes sad. "It's me again, Noah. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He didn't sound okay, though.

"You can talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I miss you."

James seemed to lose half his strength in the span of a second. Kendall stepped up behind him to hold him steady. "I miss you, too."

"Kendall said he wants to hear me sing."

"I'd like that, too."

"But Grandma said I can't see you ever again."

"And I keep telling you, it's not up to her."

"She told me today. I said I miss you and she got mad."

Before James could lose his temper, Kendall spoke up. "It's okay to miss your daddy, Noah. It's okay to love him."

"I miss you too, Kendall. I want to come home."

Every phone call from Noah got to this point eventually; it killed Kendall. "We're working on it. No matter what, I'll make sure you see your daddy Tuesday. I can't promise that you can come home, but I will find a way to make sure you see your daddy."

"Will you be there?"

"I will be there, but...I don't think we can see each other. Just hold on until Tuesday, Noah. Day after tomorrow."

"Is today Sunday? Is Carlos coming to live with Daddy?"

"Carlos is already moved in," James answered. "I put his clothes in your closet, I hope that's okay. You have lots of room in there."

"It's okay, we can share. Grandpa says I should hang up now."

James deflated, Kendall holding him tighter. "Okay, we don't want to get you in trouble so we'll say goodbye. We love you, buddy."

"Is Daddy still there?"

"I'm here, baby. I love you so much. I can't wait to see you again."

"Bye."

They were about to disconnect the call when Pete's voice came through. "James?"

He perked up, standing taller. "Hey, Pete. Thanks for letting him call."

"I just wanted to warn you that we might not be able to manage it tomorrow. We have a meeting with the attorney to prepare for Tuesday so any errands she needs to run, we'll do it while we're out together. She'll most likely be home all day outside of that."

"I understand. Thank you for telling me, I would've worried if I didn't hear from him."

"I figured. Hey Noah, can you go get me a clean towel? I like the ones at the bottom of the pile, way in the back of the cupboard. Thanks, kiddo."

James started, "Pete, I—"

"Listen, he won't be gone long. I only have a few seconds here. This morning was bad, they got into a huge fight. Noah doesn't usually defy her but today he did and it felt like Shannon all over again. You need to win this case."

That was the last thing either of them expected to hear from Pete. "Is Noah okay?" James asked.

"He's okay now, but he was hysterical earlier. She wouldn't let him take the lion to church and it didn't go well. He ended up winning that argument because she couldn't miss church and refused to let me stay home with him, so he took the damn thing in with us. My point here is that since he's come back, he's different and he defies her and I'm afraid...well, I just don't want to see—oh, thank you, kiddo. But I wanted the blue one. Can you find that one for me? Thanks!"

They waited impatiently as Pete sent Noah on another pointless search.

"Okay, he's gone. My point is that he can't stay here. It's going to be worse for him because he's fighting back at a younger age."

"Pete," James began. "You need to be telling the judge all this, not us. If we pass the information on, it just looks like we're making it up to win custody. It has to come from you! Please, just take a stand against her for once in your life!"

"It's not that easy, James. I have to live with her."

"But your grandson doesn't, not if you do what's right. I can tell you care about him. Put him first."

"Yes, this is the one I needed. It's perfect! Want to say goodbye to your daddy before I hang up?"

Noah's excited voice came back, and it was just what James needed to hear. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, baby. You have a good day, okay?"

"I'm gonna watch baseball with Grandpa!"

"That sounds like fun."

"What are you doing today?"

"Uh...I met Kendall's family today."

"Oh. Are they nice?"

With a smile at Jennifer, James answered, "Very nice. I have a new recipe for Spanish rice I'm gonna make for you."

"I can't wait! I miss your tacos."

"That's the first dinner I plan to make for you when you come home. I love you, baby."

Noah still wouldn't say it; Kendall figured he probably wouldn't chance that again for a long time. "I have to go," was what he said instead. "Bye, Kendall!"

"Bye, buddy. I love you."

There was no reply to that. The phone clicked back to the home screen, and two seconds later James was clinging to Kendall desperately. Jennifer took the hint Kendall silently gave her and left them alone, and Kendall held James until the trembles stopped.

"Just one more day," Kendall promised. "One more day like this and then he'll be home with you."

"You can't guarantee that." James' voice was unsteady.

"I'll make it happen."

Because James believed in Kendall, he hugged him tighter and held on to that promise. To believe anything else would shatter him.


	45. Chapter 45

A/N—Managed to get a lot written this week, so I'm posting another chapter already! Thanks for reading and for the reviews. :) And thanks to my beta for always coming through for me. To the Guest who wishes we were already at the hearing, I promise it's coming! I won't cheat you out of that. There's just other stuff that has to happen first. I appreciate your patience!

* * *

In an effort to make sure they arrived in time for their movie, Logan and Carlos begged off of dessert and left soon after Noah's phone call. Kendall walked them to the door, taking Logan aside to whisper, "If he passes up dessert for you, that means you're special. Just so you know."

Logan's blush was only slight this time; his smirk showed that the hints about them dating didn't bother him as much as it had before.

"Carlos, wait!" James caught up to them while digging in his pocket for a set of keys. "Hang on, I meant to give you this days ago. Obviously you don't need a key to get in the building, but you'll need one for the apartment. It works on both the knob and the deadbolt."

Carlos smiled as he reached for the key James had pulled loose from the ring. "Thanks, man! Not sure what time I'll be home tonight but it probably won't be late."

"You don't have to check in with me," James chuckled. "I'm not your dad. Kendall, here's yours."

Kendall stood up straighter, holding out a hand for the key James was passing over. "Me? You should've waited until after Tuesday. We don't even know if..."

"I had those made last weekend. Before it all went to shit."

"Last _weekend_?" They'd only known each other...what, two days?

"I was that sure," James shrugged, refusing to be embarrassed about it. "You were still fighting me on it, but I knew that was my goal, so..."

Kendall shook his head. "You're amazing."

Just before their lips met, Carlos cleared his throat. "Logan and I are gonna go because this could go on all night," he teased. "James, do you need me to warn you before I come inside?"

"No, of course not. It's your place, too. Come and go as you please, at least until Noah comes back and we work out a schedule. Kendall and I will make sure to keep our sexy moments in the bedroom from now on."

Kendall grinned. "Mmm, I like the sound of that." He dragged James back against him. "Listen, we're having date night tonight, but if either of you really needs a friend to talk to, you can call us."

Logan looked to James to make sure he agreed with Kendall. James nodded. "I hope it goes well, but if it doesn't, we're here."

"And if it does, we're both there, too," Carlos winked. He waited a beat before adding to Logan, "I'm kidding. Just wanted to see you blush. Come on, I won't make jokes like that if it bothers you. Let's just go have fun watching a movie together."

Logan smiled. "That sounds nice. Have fun tonight, guys. And Kendall, thank your mom for having me."

"She loves company, so thanks for coming. Carlos? I mean it. Call me if you need to."

"I don't have to because you'll be at my place when I get home, right? How weird is that?"

It took Kendall a second to realize Carlos was correct. "That _is_ weird."

"See ya!" Carlos waved, holding the door for Logan.

Katie stepped out from the kitchen. "Hey, James, you're tall! Come help me get a box down from Mom's closet."

"Oh, sure. Be right back, babe."

"Mom's closet?" Kendall mused. "There's nothing up there but old keepsakes and..." It dawned on him and he gasped. "Katie, don't you dare!"

"Hurry, James!" Katie yelled, dragging him along and slamming her mother's bedroom door closed once they were through it.

Kendall tried the knob and cursed; it wouldn't turn. "Katie, you're dead! Open this door!"

Silence.

"Katie!"

It was James who opened the door thirty seconds later with a mischievous grin on his face. "Told you I'd get to see baby pictures. Mission accomplished." With the arm not carrying a worn cardboard box, he reached back to Katie for a high five.

* * *

They didn't escape empty-handed; on their way out, Jennifer loaded them up with leftover dessert, extra salsa, a handwritten recipe for her Spanish rice, and a small envelope containing five adorable pictures of Kendall as a child that James had begged to borrow so he could make copies. His comment on the matter was, "Just because you can't come inside my apartment, that doesn't mean I don't want pictures of you there. Noah will love them, too. We should take pics tonight while we're out, memories to keep around the place so I feel like you're near."

And how could Kendall argue with that?

He agreed under the condition that he get a set of whatever memories they made tonight as well, and the promise that James would ask his mother to bring along childhood pictures of him Tuesday.

"She won't, though," James warned him. "She doesn't have anything like that. She's not nostalgic. But to make you happy, I will ask."

It was good enough for Kendall.

Jennifer made him swear that they'd spend at least one date night a month having dinner with her and Katie—both because she enjoyed James' company so much, and so that she could hear about Noah. Kendall knew part of it was also to make sure she saw her own son every month; guilt for having stayed away kept him from denying her request.

"So?" Kendall asked as he pulled the car away from the curb. "Feel better now? They love you."

"They're so fantastic, Kendall. _So_ amazing. I wish they lived closer to us."

"You know...I didn't realize how much I actually miss them on a daily basis. I wonder if that's why I stay away, because every time I visit I don't want to leave."

"Well, who could blame you? Your mom is like...World's Best Mom or something. And Katie...I don't even have words for her."

"I'm still shocked you didn't get the boyfriend treatment. You're luckier than you even know."

"I can imagine. Did you ever find out why, though? Is it because she doesn't think it's going to last so I'm not worth all the effort?"

"Are you kidding?" Kendall used the intersection stop to look over at James. "Mom said Katie liked you because of the way she caught us hugging."

"Hugging?" James echoed. "You mean in the kitchen?"

"Yep. According to Katie, she saw enough in that moment to know you're the guy for me."

"No way. So I passed?"

"You passed so well that if I ever broke up with you, I'd probably get lectured for the rest of my life. I can just hear it now. 'I still can't believe you gave up that James guy. He's the best thing that ever happened to you and you threw it away. You're an idiot.'"

"So...if I'm ever afraid you're about to break up with me, I just need to tell Katie and she'll have my back?"

"Mom, too," Kendall laughed. He reached out for James' hand before setting the car in motion again. "But you don't have to worry about that, because I may be an idiot, but I'm not _that_ stupid."

James laid his head against the seat and smiled at Kendall before raising their hands to kiss Kendall's. There was an innocence to his gaze tonight, a sense of wonder that was rarely seen in hazel eyes that had been so haunted lately. "You ready for our date?"

"I am, but I can't eat anytime soon. How would you feel about a movie before dinner? _Then_ you take me dancing."

"I think it's more accurate to say _you_ take _me_ dancing. I could go for a movie, though. How about something...light? Nothing too heavy."

"That can be arranged. Noah might not be a fan of cartoons, but I am. Want to see the new Disney movie?"

"I'd honestly love that. One day we'll get Noah to appreciate the fine art of animation and just...having fun with a movie."

"We already started with _The Wizard of Oz_. Remember how he sang after that one?" Kendall chuckled. "So freaking cute."

"God, that kid's the best. Wait, so what was that singing conversation about earlier? Was that his secret, that he likes to sing?"

"Oh! I never told you, I forgot. His big secret was that he found another wizard. Jesus."

James' brows drew together. "Jesus? Like... _the_ Jesus?"

"Yep. Apparently they go to church every Sunday and he realized today that Jesus must be a wizard. Because he can do magic."

"Oh. I...see."

"Are you not a fan of Jesus?"

"I don't know, I don't think about it often. Religion in general, I mean. It's hard to care about a religion that calls you evil for loving the 'wrong' kind of people."

"True," Kendall nodded. "But not every religious person feels that way."

"I guess. It never occurred to me that Sherry would take my kid to church, but Shannon had to go every Sunday so it makes sense. I should've realized." Kendall let him chew on that, not wanting to interrupt the heavy thoughts going on in the passenger seat. "So...does he like church, then? Did he say that? Because Shannon always hated it."

"Noah said he likes the singing. The choir. He tries to sing along but doesn't know all the words."

James glanced over. "He said that?"

"Yeah. The kid loves to sing. Who knew?"

"I never would've guessed. He's so much like Shannon and Logan that I just assumed he was into nerdy stuff. They were never into singing or dancing or...anything like that."

"Well..." Kendall squeezed James' hand. "They didn't have you for a father, either. Probably in the genes, babe."

"Huh. What do you know? My kid does take after me." The idea filled James with pride. "How much do you think singing lessons cost? Or even just...a choir? Are there choirs he can join outside of church?"

"Probably. He might have to audition, though."

"That would scare the crap out of him. We'll talk it over once he's home. I don't want to stifle that in him."

Kendall smiled at the comment. "And that's why you're going to be an amazing father."

* * *

A movie and dinner proved to be the escape Kendall and James needed from the constant worry regarding the upcoming hearing. By silent agreement they kept the Noah talk to a minimum, behaving as any new couple would on a date—sneaking kisses whenever they were able to, cuddling up during the movie, feeding each other popcorn there and dessert at the restaurant. Kendall found it to be bliss having James on his arm without needing to hide that they were in love. If the detective was following them around again, so what? James would offer to give Kendall up Tuesday but for now, he had no reason to treat his boyfriend as anything other than what he was: the man of his dreams.

The only time Kendall did worry about the detective was when they arrived at James' club. "Is this...could this work against you at the hearing? Since you're supposed to be giving up the dancing?"

James halted just outside the building to give that thought. Twice he was recognized and nodded in greeting when spoken to, then he turned his focus to Kendall. "No. What I do now shouldn't matter, as long as it isn't drinking or drugs. Noah's not around. I'll give everything up when I have to, but until then...I'm not hiding who I am. This is me."

"Okay," Kendall nodded. "Then get in there and be who you are."

Kendall was taken around and introduced to a few members of the staff as "the love of my life"; it made him blush, but he was pleased all the same. James' boss was ecstatic to see his star performer step into the back office.

"Does this mean you're back for good?!" Sean exclaimed.

"Uh...not yet. We'll see how things go at the custody hearing Tuesday."

"But you'll be back after that, right?"

James hesitated; Kendall took over. "He will," Kendall smiled. "Just needed the time off to prepare for the hearing."

Sean frowned at Kendall, obviously wondering who he was. James found his voice again.

"Sean, this is Kendall. He's helping me with the case and also is the man of my dreams. I thought I'd bring him down to show him what I do."

"The man of your dreams?" Sean echoed. "Not the coffeehouse guy?"

"Yes, the coffeehouse guy!"

"Damn, babe, how many people did you tell about me?" Kendall asked.

"Anyone who would listen," James winked. "He's mine. I wanted to dance for him tonight."

Sean looked at a white board he'd filled in with the evening's schedule. "We can fit you in somewhere. How long you looking to dance?"

"Just one song, if that's okay. I'm out of practice and probably out of shape, I haven't been to the gym in forever and..."

"That's not gonna matter, everyone loves you. How about Jett's 9:30 slot? He won't mind giving up one dance for you. That's not a lot of money, though."

"It's okay, I'm not here for the money. I'll just take whatever tips come my way while I'm on stage."

Sean rolled his eyes before smirking at Kendall. "He says that like his tips for one dance won't be more than I make in a month."

"Oh my god, that is a complete exaggeration!" James yelled.

"Not by much," Sean joked. "Okay, go on back and let Jett know. You know which song you want to do yet?"

"I have an idea," James answered with a secret smile for Kendall. "I'll set it up with the sound crew. Babe, why don't you go find a spot at the bar? I'll check in with you before I go on."

James held his hand until they were back in the dim hallway. Before letting go, he pulled Kendall closer. "Hey. You sure you're okay with this? If it starts to bother you, just go outside and I'll come out as soon as the song is over."

"I'll be okay," Kendall promised. "I really am looking forward to watching you dance again."

James' lips curved up. "It feels like forever since that first night we spent together, doesn't it? I mean, you hadn't even met Noah. I hadn't really either. Our lives have changed so much."

It was true. Kendall thought back to the night he'd first stayed over and helped James prepare the apartment for Noah's arrival. He'd gone into it expecting dinner with James and nothing more; he almost laughed now when he remembered his rule of "no sex on the first date." "I couldn't keep my hands off you that night. Couldn't believe we were actually talking and on a date and...kissing. You were so much more than what I'd imagined in my head."

James nodded slowly. "I know that feeling." He kissed Kendall tenderly, savoring it before stepping away. "Just remember that even though I'm looking at everyone from the stage, it's you I'm thinking about. You I want to be with. _You_ I'll go home and make love to."

Kendall bit his lip to keep in a whine. "Then get up there and dance so we can go home and do that."

There was one more quick press of soft lips before James strutted away. "I love you!" he called back.

Kendall watched those perfect hips sway and swallowed hard; he couldn't wait to have his hands on them. "Love you, too!"

* * *

"Have to admit, I never expected to see you here."

Kendall wasn't sure the voice was directed at him, so he waited a few seconds before turning to look toward its owner. Jett was staring down at him, tall in high-heeled boots and hair teased to match the leather and heavy make-up he was costumed in. Kendall did a take a double-take.

"Wow. I would not recognize you on the street."

"Yeah, I don't dress like this outside of work," Jett chuckled. He seated himself on the stool next to Kendall and reached out for the beer being passed to him. "You ready for this?"

"For what, exactly?"

"It's not easy for boyfriends—or girlfriends—to sit through this. I actually encourage the guys I date to not watch me work. It can ruin relationships."

"Really?" Though he sounded surprised, Kendall thought he could understand the reason for that. He stared around the room at the occupied tables. One act had already performed, and the dance had done nothing for Kendall. The other men scattered around the room had been enthralled. "Did you say girlfriends? Straight guys dance here?"

"Why not?" Jett shrugged. "Money's money, and dancing is dancing. Even James used to dance for chicks."

"Right, but he's also bi. So it makes sense."

"He's not really bi anymore. Told me he hasn't slept with a woman in years."

That was probably true. "I feel like it would be more exciting to dance for the gender you're attracted to."

"Oh, it is. Way more of a rush. How's the custody case looking?"

It felt wrong somehow to discuss Noah in this place. Still, he knew Jett was asking because he genuinely cared and answered, "Better now than it did yesterday. Thanks again for coming down."

"Anything for James. He's been a damn good friend to me. I know he's got Logan, but I don't really have anyone else. It's important to me to keep James in my life."

"I understand," Kendall nodded, sipping at the ginger ale he'd ordered. "And I won't have a problem with that, as long as you know that friends is all you'll be from now on."

"I get it," Jett smirked. "He's head over heels for you, dude. You know that, right?"

"Yeah." Kendall did know that, but it always made him feel great to hear someone else say it. "I'm so lucky."

"I'm glad you realize that."

Their talk tapered off when the next performer took the stage, another built dude with rhythm that Kendall probably would've found attractive had he not developed tunnel vision for James. As the song played on, clothing disappeared piece by piece in a seductive manner until all that was left was a tiny patch of material covering the man's crotch. This was going to be James soon, and everyone would see his glorious (practically) naked body and salivate over it. Kendall tried not to think about that.

 _Just focus on how much he loves you. He spent the day with you, holding your hand and giving you lovesick looks and watching a silly movie;_ you _make him happy like that—no one else in this room does._

"You good?" Jett yelled over the music. "I'm gonna go check on James. He's up next."

Hadn't James promised to come see him before going on stage? Where _was_ he? "Sure, go ahead! I'm fine."

A slight exaggeration. Kendall _wasn't_ fine. He'd thought he could handle it. James was the one who was right this time when he'd said Kendall didn't have to sit through this. James _knew_ what Kendall would be feeling.

There was a brief gap between acts and once the house music came on, Kendall was able to pick up pieces of conversation going on nearby. He heard one group of guys at a table talking about the previous dancer, sharing what they'd do to him if they could take him home. The two dudes to Kendall's right laughed at something, and suddenly it was too loud.

But Kendall had promised. He'd promised James he could do this, and he knew how disappointed James would be if he came out to dance and found no sign of Kendall.

 _Stay. Just keep thinking about how it's going to feel to walk out of this place with him, to know you get to hold him all night._

"You ready to go?" the guy directly to Kendall's right asked his friend. "I think it's Jett up next and he doesn't really do much for me."

"He's pretty hot," the friend argued. "But let's hang around a little bit, I thought I saw Diamond earlier. He's worth staying for."

"Diamond's here?! Why didn't you tell me? I'd hang out all night for that guy."

"Right?"

They broke into laughter again, Kendall's insides seething. He should've been proud, should've been happy for James that he was so favored. Instead, he just wanted to punch both of them and make sure they knew "Diamond" was off the menu.

Kendall chugged the rest of his ginger ale. It didn't do much to calm him down, but it at least gave him something to focus on other than his rage. He was being ridiculous. James _should_ be proud, he was a fantastic dancer and he enjoyed doing it. Kendall needed to support that.

The house music cut off and Kendall's gut clenched. This was it. If the two next to him said anything sexual about James, he'd probably lose it. Maybe he should move away from them.

It was Jett's name that was announced, though; the sound tech obviously hadn't gotten the memo that James would be dancing in his place. Kendall heard a groan of disappointment from the right.

 _Definitely_ should move away from them.

Jett was the dancer who took the stage, surprising only Kendall. He frowned, wondering if James was perhaps going to join Jett in some duo act. Hadn't he said they used to dance together as a team?

Ten seconds into the song, Kendall's view was blocked by James, who stepped in front of him. "Let's go."

The words didn't penetrate right away because Kendall was too shocked by James' appearance. His hair hadn't changed much, but his face was covered in make-up and there was some sort of glitter around his eyes. The normally-soft and perfect lips were plumped up with color and the entire package made James seem to glow, his gaze bright as it stared at Kendall.

"Babe. _Now_."

That got through Kendall's stupor. He stood up and let James take his hand, only then noticing that James was dressed in tight denim cutoffs over black tights coupled with a t-shirt ripped in a dozen places under...a flannel shirt? He heard the gasps of the two men as James walked past and couldn't resist looking back with a smug grin.

 _This one's mine, bitches._

Concern for James overrode that feeling the second they'd stepped out into the fresh air. "What's wrong?"

"Get me out of here."

"Just talk to me."

"Get me away from here and I will."

That was enough for Kendall. He got James to the car and held the door for him. James remained quiet for the first mile, though both hands were clutching tightly to Kendall's right one. Kendall could feel him shaking and finally asked, "Who fucked with you?"

"What?"

"Did someone touch you? I swear to God, I'll go back there right now and-"

"Babe, no, nobody...it's not..." James let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes. "It's me. Nobody messed with me."

"Okay. You promise? Because I heard a lot of dudes talking, and I'm pretty sure any one of them would've tried to touch you."

"They can't touch me, Kendall. You know that."

"Still."

James shook his head, slowly opening his eyes but seeing nothing of the surroundings. "I can't do it anymore."

"Do what?"

"Dance."

Kendall frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...I was fine until..."

"Until what?" Silence. "James, please talk to me."

"I thought of Noah."

Kendall could barely hear the whispered sentence. "Noah?"

"I was looking at myself in the mirror, thinking about you and wondering what you'd think of me out there and...next thing I knew, I was thinking about Noah and wondering what _he'd_ think if he could see me like this. And...I couldn't do it."

It was starting to make sense. "Oh."

"I want him to be proud of me. Imagine he's at school one day and Zavey asks him what his dad does for a living. 'My daddy takes off his clothes. People give him money and want to have sex with him.'"

Kendall's heart cracked. "Babe, that's not what he'd say."

"But it's the truth. You think Sherry hasn't told him what I do by now? Hasn't made it disgusting and sleazy? I don't want him to be ashamed when people ask about me."

"Babe..." For once, Kendall wasn't sure what to say to make James feel better. He tried, "You can talk to him about it. Explain that you like dancing and..."

"No. I'm done with this. You always tell me to do what would make Noah proud, to be a good person for him."

"Dancers aren't bad people."

"I know, but I want to be better. I want...I just want him to believe that I _am_ good and to look up to me like he does you." James' chin trembled. "I want him to love me."

"He does," Kendall soothed. "I promise, babe, he loves you. You know he only took the words back because he thought it would get him home. He's willing to lie about his feelings just to see you again. You _are_ his hero."

"We both know that's you, Kendall. And don't argue, you're my hero too, so...my kid knows what's up."

A soft laugh broke free, Kendall relieved when James joined in. "What can I say? I guess I'm just amazing."

" _So_ amazing," James agreed. "I see where you get it now." He sobered to state, "I'm quitting. Tomorrow. No notice, and I hate to do that to Sean after taking two weeks off, but...it's done. That chapter of my life is over."

Kendall tightened his grip on James. "You love to dance, though. I know you do."

"I do," James nodded. "But...I can dance at home. It doesn't have to be for an audience."

"You can dance for me," Kendall offered. "You know I'd never turn that down."

James smiled. "Dancing for you is more of a rush anyway. Got room for that in your little apartment?"

"I'll make it happen. You look incredible, by the way. I'm almost sorry I didn't get to see you perform."

"Only almost?"

"Well, considering I was about to deck every man in that room for having the gall to say you're hot, I decided it might be best for me to leave once you came out."

James let out a happy noise. "You love me."

"Was there any doubt?"

"No. It just...always makes me happy to hear it. Or even see proof of it."

"That's right, I forgot you're a needy bitch who has to hear it all the time."

"Guilty."

"Listen, what if we spend tonight at my place? I'm almost out of clean clothes anyway."

"Kendall, I keep telling you to just use my washer and dryer."

"I know, and I have been. The truth is I just want you alone tonight."

"Oh, right. Carlos is there now. I told him he could sleep in Noah's room until...you know."

"Yeah. But still, I'd feel better if we didn't have to worry about being too loud. We've only got tonight and tomorrow night left together, so..."

James nodded. "Let's do it. We can test out that dancing idea."

"I like it," Kendall grinned. He turned onto a street that would take them away from The Pembroke and toward his place. "Text Carlos and let him know, though. Or he'll worry."

"I really like him, babe. He's a good guy."

"I've known that for years."

"We can just stop at my place in the morning to get ready for the meeting with Paul. Lucy better show up."

"She'll be there."

James fell into deep thought again, Kendall wondering if he should let it go or try to drag James out of his funk.

"I'm worried about money," James suddenly admitted.

"Because of the attorney fees?"

"Not so much that, I have enough in savings to cover those. What I'm worried about is having proof of income for Noah. I had plenty of money in savings so I wasn't concerned, but now that most of that is going to Paul...I don't have a plan for the future if I quit the dancing. That made me bank, babe."

"I know. So you're afraid that the judge might look at you as someone who can't provide."

"Exactly. Raising a kid alone is expensive. I know we talked about me getting another job, and I will, but...nothing's gonna pay me that much to start. I kind of need this job."

"But we agreed that you'd offer to give up that job."

"Right, but then I'm broke. What do I do?"

"You follow the plan we talked about. Tell the judge you're going to find a new job, that you have enough now to support him for...how long, you think?"

"I guess...with rent and utilities and...after we take out the legal fees...maybe three months? If that?"

"Okay, so you tell the judge you have enough to support him for three months and that in that time, you will find a job that can support him in the future."

"What if I can't?"

"Most likely the court will have you return for a meeting with a social worker at that time to see where you're at. And if you can't, they'll probably give Noah back to Pete and Sherry."

"So you're saying I could win Tuesday and then still lose him three months from now?"

"Nothing is guaranteed, babe. You have to keep proving that you're able to give him the care he needs." Before James could break down, Kendall distracted him. "What about going back to school?"

"That makes no sense at all. I'd make no money off it and would have to pay to do it."

"Yes, but...you'd also get a degree that would make you more money in the long run."

"No, Kendall, I can't handle a job, school, _and_ raising a kid. Maybe you can, but I'm not made like that. I'd crack in the first month."

That was probably true. "I'm just trying to find you something that is rewarding for you. I can easily get you hired at Black Forest, but I don't know how much you'd enjoy that."

"Well, working with you every day has its perks."

"True," Kendall grinned. "But it's not what you want for life. Logan and Shannon wanted you to become a chef, right? Because that's what you love and that's what you're good at?"

"Hey, I'm good at dancing, too."

"Dancing's off the table, unless you want to get into backup dancing or something of that nature."

James shook his head. "Nope, not my style. I like being the center of attention when I dance."

That didn't surprise Kendall. "Why not get a job as a cook somewhere?"

"I don't have a degree or anything to prove I'm good."

"So? You know how to make stuff. You'd be a great breakfast cook somewhere."

"And make how much money, Kendall? Not enough to raise Noah and keep my place at The Pembroke. Which is part of my defense, so I can't lose the apartment there."

"Would you let me help?"

"No."

"If Carlos moves in with me, I'd be paying less rent. Split the utilities. I could help."

"I'm not making you do that."

"No, you're not _making_ me. I'm choosing to."

"No."

"Fine, then let's look into jobs tomorrow. See what's out there and what you can make. I guarantee someone will hire you if you cook for them."

"You have way too much faith in me."

"It's not _blind_ faith. You can do this, babe."

"Let's talk about it tomorrow. For tonight, let's just continue our perfect date that had a little snag at the club but we're gonna forget that, and you take me home and let me dance for you and then..."

"We spend the night falling more in love."

James nodded. Tomorrow would be tough, but tonight? They could pretend a little while longer.


	46. Chapter 46

A/N—I'm finally back with more "Magic"! Life's been hectic lately, sorry for the delay. But I'm happy you all enjoyed "It's Fate, Dude" so thank you for reading that if you did! Just to get you back into this headspace, we left off in this story after James and Kendall went to the club and James decided he was done being a dancer, and they were heading to Kendall's apartment. This chapter picks up from there and takes us through early Monday morning. :)

* * *

Kendall's phone rang the second they stepped inside his dark apartment. He reached for the light switch and flipped it up, then pulled James inside before checking the display. "It's Carlos."

James' phone went off then, and Kendall reached around him to close the door while James glanced at it. "Logan. Either something really bad happened..."

"Or something good." He groaned internally, wanting only to shut out the world and be alone with James for an hour. They deserved that, didn't they?

"I know what you're thinking, but we did promise them," James sighed. "Logan wouldn't be interrupting date night if it wasn't a big deal."

"I know, I know." Sometimes being a good friend required sacrifices. As Kendall stared across the foot of space between them at James, his gaze roamed over the beautiful soul he'd have to sacrifice just a little bit longer. "I'll try to keep it short."

"Me, too." James answered his phone and wandered toward the kitchen.

Kendall headed for his bedroom, needing to be far enough away from James that their calls wouldn't interfere with each other. "Hey, everything okay?"

"Dude. I'm sorry. I know you're on a date with James and I swear I won't keep you but... _dude_."

"You've got me for...ten minutes. No more than that, unless it's serious and you're about to throw yourself off a cliff."

"I only need five."

Carlos was barely holding in whatever it was he wanted to say, Kendall could hear that much in his voice. "Well?"

"He kissed me!"

After that Carlos let out a scream that reminded Kendall of Katie when she'd met one of her idols and had a picture taken with him. Kendall cracked up, happy for his best friend. "That's awesome! You broke him down!"

"I totally did. I didn't think it was gonna happen, I dropped him off at his place and I was really praying, you know? So we parked by the curb and said goodnight, and he started to get out of the truck and I was bummed. I mean, I thought things went great and I was dying for a third date but there was nothing! So he closed the door and I kind of...my heart kind of shattered. I knew then I'd done something wrong or he was too scared or...you know how he is."

"I do," Kendall nodded. "So what happened?"

"I took a minute to try to get myself under control, and was about to pull away but he jogged back to the truck and I rolled down the window and he said, 'I know it's late, but would you be interested in watching the documentary on black holes that just came out yesterday? I was going to watch it tonight and thought you might enjoy it, too.' Kendall, I fucking _died_! I know him and that was his way of inviting me in! He wasn't ready for it to end either!"

Kendall's grin probably matched Carlos' in size. It was nice to know that in the midst of all the heartache surrounding himself and James, good things were still happening. "So you said yes, of course."

"Duh! I shut off the truck and followed him to his apartment, and you know that for Logan...that's huge. Inviting someone into his safe place."

"I can imagine."

"So we made some cocoa and sat down in his living room, and he left the lights off. I thought it was romantic but he made some comment about how it adds to the...what was it? 'The feeling that we're in space.' He's so adorable, Kendall. I wondered if he'd make a move during the show but he didn't. After it was over I didn't want to leave, but I knew I should. So I asked if I could use his bathroom before the drive and when I came out, he was like 'So there's another one I was going to watch tomorrow night after work. You probably have to get to work early in the morning, so I understand if you don't want to stay and watch another, but...' Kendall, I am _so glad_ I'm working your shift tomorrow. It was perfect, I told him that since I'm covering you I go in late, and he was like 'As long as I get at least six hours of sleep, I can function' so we did it. We watched another show! This time there was no cocoa to hold, so our hands were free and I wanted to put mine on his leg or hold his hand or something, but I was afraid he'd think I was making a move on him so I just...didn't. Our shoulders were touching, though."

Kendall was taken back to junior high when they'd both been so excited just to sit close to a guy without the dude needing space or being weirded out. "Always a good sign. Where are you, by the way?"

"Driving home. I couldn't wait, I'm sorry."

"It's totally okay. I'm happy for you."

"But you haven't even heard the best part yet! So after _that_ one was over, I knew it would be pushing my luck to try to stay. I got up and peed again, and he was waiting by the front door when I came out. So...yeah, definitely time to go. I went over there to say goodbye and told him how much fun I had, and he agreed and said, 'Maybe next weekend we can hang out again. As long as you're not busy with Noah.' I told him that we'll see how it goes but I hope we can get together. And dude, the whole time we're talking, he's like...not moving. He's blocking the door so I can't open it. Just...looking at me. It made me nervous, and I wanted to kiss him so bad but I knew I couldn't, so finally I was like 'Well, I should let you sleep.' And when I moved to open the door, he moved, and that was that. We said goodbye and I left."

"I thought you said you kissed him."

"Kendall, let me tell the story!"

"Okay, okay," Kendall laughed. "Tell it then before James starts to get impatient."

"Wait, is he listening? Am I on speaker?"

"Nope. He's in the kitchen. I'm in the bedroom."

"Oh, damn, I interrupted sex."

"Not quite yet," Kendall smirked. "But I'm warning you that after this call, my phone's getting shut off."

"Understood. Okay, so where was I?"

"You left. Without a kiss."

"Right! So I got all the way out to my truck and my phone rang. He was calling me. I thought maybe I left something behind, though I couldn't imagine what. I answered and he goes, 'Why didn't you kiss me?'"

"What?" Kendall giggled.

"I swear, he said it just like that! All offended but also kind of...scared? 'Why didn't you kiss me?' I said 'I don't want to scare you. I promised I wouldn't push you.'" He goes, 'So it's not because you didn't _want_ to kiss me?' I was like 'Of course I want to kiss you! I've been dying to kiss you! But I'm not gonna push myself on you.' And you know what he said?"

Kendall grinned. "Tell me."

"He goes, 'But it has to be you because I'm never going to get up the courage to do it. I kept waiting for you to do it and you just sat there and watched the show with me and I even gave you a second chance with another show, but you didn't do it!' He was mad at me because I didn't do what he'd basically told me was off limits."

"That's hilarious."

"I couldn't believe it! I'm trying so hard to keep my hands to myself and he was _wanting_ me to touch him?! So I told him that, how I'd wanted to hold his hand and cuddle with him, and how badly I wanted to kiss him when I said goodbye, and he goes, 'You should've.' But he waited for me to leave to tell me all this?!"

"Aww, he was scared."

"I was, too! Especially after hearing all that stuff about Shannon, I was trying to give him space."

"So you went back up there?"

"Nope. I refused."

"You what?"

"I did! I told him that it had to come from him, because I told him from the start I wouldn't pressure him and I wasn't gonna go back on my word. He was like, 'But Carlos, it _has_ to be you. It's never gonna be me!' So I said that if he wanted to kiss me that bad, he needed to prove it. To accept it. I had to know he really wanted it or I couldn't do it."

Kendall barely held in a snort of laughter; only Carlos would deny himself what he'd been dying for because he needed "proof." "What did he say?"

"Nothing. I swear, I thought maybe he was crying. I could tell he really wanted it but didn't know how to take that leap so I said, 'I'll tell you what. I'm still outside in the truck. I'm gonna set a timer for five minutes. If you want me, come get me. You don't show in that time, I'll take it as a sign you aren't ready for this and we can just...walk away."

"Carlos, I thought you were okay with just being friends."

"I am, I _was_ , I just meant from the relationship. The dating thing. He didn't say anything, so I was like, 'Four minutes and fifty seconds. Clock's ticking.' And I hung up."

"Carlos! You could've lost him forever!"

"I know, but I had to try. He just needed time to work up to it. He needed to think it through."

"So how long did he wait?"

"By my timer, we were down to forty-five seconds before he showed up. I unlocked the door for him and he threw it open and...wow."

"Yeah?"

" _Dude_. My man can _kiss_. He just climbed in and practically onto my lap and kissed the hell out of me and oh my god, I thought we were gonna fuck right there in my truck. I didn't know he had that in him!"

"Nice!"

"We kissed until the timer went off and that made us jump. It was like he suddenly realized where he was and what he was doing and I was scared he'd change his mind. I made a joke about how he made it just in time, and Kendall, he was breathing so hard. I mean, I was too, it was a crazy kiss. His eyes changed again, though, and I could see he wanted me. It's like the seal was broken and he couldn't hold it all in now. We kissed for a good ten minutes before a cop came by and knocked on the window."

"A cop?!"

"I know! He was so scared! I explained that I was leaving and the cop was like 'Just making sure this didn't go into illegal territory. You folks have a good night.'"

"Oh my god, I can just see Logan's face," Kendall laughed.

"He was so embarrassed! But before the cop showed up, Logan's hand was getting a little frisky down there. I told you he misses sex!"

"Well, I'm proud of you. And of him. So you're gonna see him again?"

"Try and stop me."

Kendall looked up when James stepped into the bedroom with a smirk at his lips. He'd obviously heard the story, too. "When?" Kendall asked Carlos.

"We set a date for Friday, but of course it's all dependent on what happens with Noah. I wanted to see him sooner and he said we could meet for coffee. Pretty sure I just got Black Forest a loyal customer."

"Annie will be ecstatic," Kendall chuckled. James suddenly knelt before him, running both hands up his legs to meet at the crotch of his jeans, and Kendall's breath hitched. "Uh, Carlos? Time's up."

"Yeah, okay, I'll let you go. Thanks for listening, I know you guys are in the middle of...something."

Kendall's zipper slowly came down; he was mesmerized by the hungry look on James' face. "Yeah, I...should go."

"Will you guys be home tomorrow at all?"

Tomorrow? What was tomorrow? What was even _today_? It was so hard to think when James' mouth was gliding down over him with expertise. He barely managed to keep a groan in. "Morning. Gonna...morning."

"I'll let you go," Carlos chuckled. "I'm guessing James is distracting you."

Kendall let out the whine trying to break free; it wasn't like Carlos didn't know what was happening. James' tongue worked while his hand reached up to pluck the phone out of Kendall's hand. He disconnected the call and tossed the device aside. Kendall shuddered and scooted down against the mattress to push himself deeper into James' mouth. "I love you so much," he whispered, hands getting lost in James' hair.

James returned the sentiment in the way he knew best—without words.

* * *

Kendall didn't think he ever wanted to move again; James seemed to like Kendall's desperation when he wasn't allowed to touch, so he'd cut the blowjob short to treat Kendall to a dance (Kendall not complaining once James started to move hypnotically before him). By the time that was done Kendall was quietly begging James for touch, and when James gave in he was ready for the frenzied coupling he was sure would follow. Instead, Kendall used slow lovemaking to force the tension from James' body. An hour later they were tangled together under a heavy blanket, both relaxed and satisfied as their bodies recovered.

"I'm glad you can still dance for me, at least," Kendall murmured, eyes closed as he kissed James' temple.

"Honestly, I was a little worried about that," James admitted. "I was scared I'd just be thinking of Noah the whole time and...you know. Mood killer."

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah."

"But when it's for you...I don't know. It doesn't feel wrong. It just feels like an expression of my love."

Kendall tightened his arms around James, who was happily cuddled up to his chest. "I'm glad. I know you enjoy dancing, the physical act of moving to music."

"Mmm." Fingertips traced light circles up and down Kendall's side. "So you heard the story? About the kiss that almost wasn't?"

"Those two, I swear," he grinned. "Glad they finally got over that hurdle, though."

"Yeah, Logan needed to. I mean not just with Carlos, but with anyone. I think the combination of Carlos being the perfect guy for him and the fact that Shannon's gone was enough to give him the courage to take that step."

"Or at least ask Carlos to," Kendall smirked.

"Oh my god, he was so offended!" James laughed. In a tone meant to mimic Logan, he added, "James, I waited hours and he _didn't kiss me_! I gave him every opportunity!"

Kendall snickered and shook his head. "And then he finally tells Carlos what he wants, and Carlos says no."

"Right? I think that's good though, because that way Logan can't try to twist it around and convince himself that Carlos was the one who made it happen. Now he has to face that he actually wanted it."

"Would Logan do that?"

"Oh, totally. He'd use that as an excuse to change his mind later when he gets scared. But now he can't, because Carlos forced him to admit it to himself and accept that he wants it. And that's how it needed to happen. Did Carlos tell you that Logan wanted him to stay the night?"

"No way!"

"Yep. Logan probably didn't tell Carlos that. He was half hoping Carlos would offer."

"Nah, Carlos is still too scared to pressure him."

"But he's happy? After everything that happened tonight, he still wants to be with Logan?"

"He can't wait to see Logan again."

"I think that's where Logan's head is, too. The cop scared the shit out of him."

Kendall cracked up. "I can't believe that happened!"

"I know! Of all people, Logan Mitchell got busted by a cop for...well, I guess it didn't go that far, but still."

"According to Carlos, it was heading that way."

"Really? Good for Logan. I mean obviously they need to be choosing better places for that sort of thing, but I'm proud of him for letting go enough to get that far, you know?"

"Yeah." Kendall sobered, reluctant to bring the talk around to depressing subjects but now that the glow of lovemaking had worn off, his mind was right back to their current situation. "I'm actually relieved it didn't go that far. The last thing we need right now is for either of them to be arrested for exactly the type of behavior that Sherry insinuated happens between all of us."

James froze. "Oh god. Oh god, I didn't even think about that. That could've ruined everything."

"Or at least proved some of her accusations. And if some are true, that makes it easier to believe the rest are."

"Jesus," James whispered. "We all have to be on our best behavior. I can't risk something stupid like that keeping me from getting Noah back."

"That was a fluke, James. We'll talk to them both, but it's not something that any of us would do as a habit."

"I don't care, even one almost-arrest is too close. Babe, no more affection in public. Tonight was so great but no more kissing or cuddling or..."

"Hey," Kendall soothed, feeling James' panic start to ratchet up again. "Kissing and cuddling is fine. The judge knows you have a boyfriend. We're not hiding that, right?"

"No, I just...I'm so scared. I'm so afraid that anything I do is going to be the wrong thing and they'll take him from me again. Or not let me have him back at all. Please don't let them do that, Kendall."

"Shh. We've done everything we can at this point. Tomorrow we'll get our last deposition from Lucy and then it's all up to the court."

"It's not fair that strangers get to decide my fate. My _son's_ fate. They don't even know us."

"They'll know what we show them when we file everything. And any judge who talks to you is going to know that you love your son and will do whatever it takes to get him back and make sure he's happy and taken care of. Not much else matters, babe."

James let out a deep sigh, forcing himself to calm down. "I miss him so much."

"Me, too."

"It's a little easier here than at home, because other than the few times he came with me to get you, he hasn't really been in here. We haven't made memories with him here."

That wasn't true; Kendall remembered with vivid clarity showing Noah where the bathroom was and helping him to reach the taller-than-average sink to wash his hands. He remembered Noah leading him by the hand around the apartment and asking about all of his textbooks and law reference books and what each one was for. He'd never forget the smile on Noah's face when Noah discovered that he still had a stuffed animal from childhood in his room; it was mostly for sentimental value, but it made Noah feel less embarrassed about his own need to have one watching over him. "Yeah," was all Kendall said to James now, even though breathing had become a struggle as the memories flooded through him.

"Do you really think I'll be able to see him Tuesday? You guys keep saying he won't be in the courtroom, so where will he be?"

"I'm sure the judge will want Pete present, so Noah will probably be taken into the judge's chambers or something to wait. Paul and I will make sure you get to talk to him."

"Promise?"

"I swear, babe. Even if you lose custody, the judge will set up visitation and we can request five minutes with Noah for you Tuesday. It might be supervised, though."

"I don't even care about that. I just want to hold him again. Tell him I love him. To his face."

"You will."

They fell into silence, both lost in their own thoughts for a time until James spoke again. "Babe? I know you're scared and I wish there was something I could say to...I mean, I know how hard this is for you."

Kendall swallowed over a lump in his throat, attempting to keep tears from forming. "What do you mean?" He hated that his voice was unsteady.

James lifted his head to look down at Kendall, and there was just enough light seeping in from outside that Kendall could see a sheen of wetness covering James' eyes. "I know how much you love him and want to be his dad. I hope you know how much I want that, too."

Damn James and his ability to read Kendall so well. Tears leaked out from Kendall's eyes to drip down to the pillow. "I do."

"We don't really talk about it because it's...I don't even like to think about it. But I know that in order for me to keep him, I probably have to lose you, at least in this sense where we can be a family. And I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry that you got dragged into this and that it's hurting you so much now. If there's a way I'll find it, it might take years but I'll find a way to make you part of our family. It's what he needs, what _I_ need."

Kendall's eyelids were shut tight as he tried to control his emotions. James was already crying enough for both of them. "It's what I need, too. But right now what matters is you and him."

"No, you're part of us, we're not whole without you, Kendall I don't know how to do this on my own."

"You're not alone, okay? You can call me anytime. Maybe we can do phone calls, me and Noah. Just so he doesn't forget me."

"He'll never forget you." The dam broke and James collapsed over Kendall, sobbing into his chest. "I swear, he'll never forget you. I hate this! I hate this so much! I'm sick of feeling like this, like random strangers are keeping me from my kid and from you and for a week I was so fucking happy. I had you, I had Noah, and we struggled at first but then things were perfect and I want that back! I'm sick of this!"

Usually when James broke down, Kendall automatically moved into place as his rock. It was harder this time, though, because his own heart was crumbling and everything pressing down on them felt too overwhelming to deal with. He held James tight while crying into dark hair that always smelled like...home. James and Noah had become home, and it was his favorite place to be. How was he going to live without them?

Minutes passed before Kendall could form words again. He took a deep breath. "Babe? Please don't apologize for bringing me into this. I'd relive it over and over again just to have the moments I've had with you and Noah. All of those perfect moments make everything else worth it."

"It's not over," James sniffed. "I don't care what the judge says Tuesday. I'll find a way to make the court see how amazing you are and how you're the best thing in Noah's life."

"James, let's just focus on getting him home. We can worry about the rest later."

"It's not home without you."

"It might have to be temporarily. You and I, we're gonna be fine. Today proved to me that even without Noah, we have something incredible between us. And if we have to go with just date nights like this for awhile, we can do it."

"But we can't sleep together. I mean actual _sleep_. We'll have to go home to separate beds. You can't even say goodnight to Noah!"

"Watch me."

James lifted his head again, and Kendall reached over to his nightstand for a tissue to dry the tears running down James' cheeks. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if I have to, I will call that kid every single night just to say goodnight before bed. He can keep a secret, we know that. Instead of sneaking calls to you like he does now, he'll be sneaking them to me."

"Do you really think the court won't even allow phone calls between you?"

"Honestly, I don't know. It depends on how much the judge believes I'm a danger to him. But it doesn't matter, because I'm not losing that. I just need to hear his voice every day and know that he's happy. And you can send me pictures, okay? Video. Just...anything."

"I will," James promised. "I won't let you miss anything. We can even like...FaceTime or whatever. I can take you with me to school functions or...everything, babe, just...everything."

"I'd like that." Though he was much more calm now, Kendall used a tissue to wipe away the remains of wetness on his own face. "It sucks that I'm gonna miss open house."

"Yeah, well, if things go wrong, we're all gonna miss open house."

"No." Kendall kissed James softly, surprised to feel a smile tugging at his own lips. "You'll be there. Paul's done an amazing job at shooting down her accusations, and with the help of everyone else involved, you'll win custody."

"You sound so sure."

"I am. Because it's right. As the parent, you really do have more rights. We'll prove that you're capable and then the judge has no reason to keep him away from you. You're gonna get him back, James."

Drained, James let his upper body drop onto Kendall's chest. "If I don't...you'll move in, right? You won't let me do this alone?"

"It might cause you problems in the future, if you're trying to win custody down the line."

"We'll deal with that then. In the meantime, I want you with me."

Kendall nodded. "I'll be there."

James sighed, not at peace but satisfied for the moment. Kendall closed his eyes and tried to let go of the fear that he'd never see Noah again.

He kept the memories close though, and just before he dropped off to sleep he remembered Noah explaining the Big Bang theory to him during their one incredible weekend together. The vision followed him into happy dreams.

* * *

Monday morning came too soon for both of them, as neither slept well. When James complained that he didn't want to get up and instead snuggled deeper down into Kendall's blankets, Kendall reminded him that they were one day closer to seeing Noah and were on the way to a meeting that would help (hopefully) bring him home.

That got James rolling out of bed, but only after Kendall promised a stop at Black Forest along the way. James was never himself until he'd had that first sip of Kendall's magic coffee. It was something Kendall took pride in.

He packed enough clothing to get him through two more days, then they were on their way. James was quiet until he got a few sips of coffee down his throat, and once Kendall felt it was safe he proceeded with the question that had been on his mind since they left the apartment. "What are you thinking about?"

"What else?" James grated from the passenger seat, his voice starting to wake up for the day. "It's all I ever think about anymore."

"Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say," James shrugged. "It's nothing new, just the same stuff we've been talking about for what feels like years. I want Noah back. I'm scared to lose you. I'm worried I won't be given the chance to show I can be a good father. Afraid she's gonna win with her lies." He stopped speaking and Kendall opened his mouth, but James beat him to it. "And don't tell me it's gonna be okay. We don't know it's going to turn out okay."

"No, I guess not," Kendall sighed. "But I _do_ know that _you're_ going to be okay. With or without Noah, you have me, and I'll make sure you're okay. Every day."

James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm too emotional for you to say things like that right now. Don't make me cry before I even finish my coffee."

A slow grin spread across Kendall's face. "I still love that you feel so much."

"Yeah, well then you'll love watching me fall apart when I have to say goodbye to Noah for good."

"Babe, that's not gonna happen. I guarantee you supervised visitation at the very minimum."

He could see that the prospect wasn't even close to enough for James, who let the silence stretch between them until, "I'll get to hug him, right? Even if it's supervised? They're not gonna keep me from doing that because they think I'm a sick person who touches his son inappropriately?"

"I can't imagine them denying you a hug, James."

"I just...what if she fills his head with shit, you know? Remember how he kept saying I might try to touch you, like that was an evil thing? In the beginning he didn't even like to hold my hand. I don't want to go back to that, or worse."

Kendall shook his head, eyes on the road. "He won't. He's fighting her now, understanding that not everything she says is gospel truth. If nothing else, you taught him that she's capable of lying and that he has to question things. It's a start, babe. He wants to live with you."

"Let's just hope that doesn't change."

James was in his head about it, and nothing Kendall said would convince him otherwise at the moment; rather than try, Kendall offered his presence in the form of a hand reaching across the console. James clutched at it tightly, and between that and his coffee he was fortified enough to face whatever the day would bring.

* * *

They found Carlos sound asleep on the pullout sofa and did everything they could to keep it that way. It worked until they were about to step out the door, both freshly-showered and in clean clothes. James accidentally knocked his keys off the table in the process of picking them up, causing Carlos to stir and lift his head over the back of the couch. "Oh, it's you guys."

"Sorry," James cringed. "We're heading out, go back to sleep."

"It's cool, I don't want to sleep in late anyway." Carlos sat up and stretched. "Anything new from Noah?"

"Not since yesterday at Mom's," Kendall answered. "We probably won't hear from him today. We're meeting with Paul to finalize everything before he files, but that won't take all day. We'll see you before you leave for work unless you have plans before that."

"Did you sleep okay?" James wanted to know. "I didn't really have time yesterday to give you a proper tour. I'm sorry, I didn't even leave blankets for you."

"I found them," Carlos smiled. "Don't worry about me, if I need something and can't find it, I'll just text you. I actually slept great! But I credit that with the perfect kiss last night."

It was the first thing to bring a smile to James' face since waking up. "He told me about that. He thought it was a fantastic kiss, too. Just so you know."

"He said that?!"

"I won't give away everything he said, because he'd kill me. I can tell you that he definitely wants to do it again. Are you seeing him today?"

"He's gonna stop by Black Forest after work," Carlos grinned. "I'm hoping I can get him to let me buy him dinner tonight. Any pointers on how to make that happen?"

As they were cutting it close on time, Kendall opened the front door as a hint to wrap it up. James nodded and followed Kendall out into the hallway, but poked his head back in to say, "Don't give him a choice. Tell him you made reservations at...oh, what's that place he loves? The Brazilian place. I'll look it up on the way and send you the info. Just make the reservation and let him know. If he has a problem with it, no big deal, you can cancel. But he won't."

"Thanks, dude!"

"No problem. Just trust your instincts. If you feel like he's wanting a kiss, don't hold back." This time the door actually closed before James worked it open again. "And by the way? If he invites you back to his place for any reason, plan on staying the night."

Carlos' jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

"One-hundred percent. He may or may not have mentioned to me that he wouldn't mind that."

"Oh my god, I'm so winning him over!"

"I'd say you already won that battle," James chuckled. "See you later."

Kendall was waiting with a hand outstretched. "I think you just made his year."

James took the offer and twined their fingers together as they walked. "It's nice to see Logan falling for someone again. He closed himself off for so long, you know?"

"Yeah. It's nice to see Carlos happy, too. He tends to fall for guys who only want flings."

"Well, Logan's not that guy."

"Neither am I. Just so you know."

Once inside the elevator James hugged himself to Kendall's chest. "I'm counting on it. When are you gonna propose to me? Like officially?"

"Excuse me?" Kendall laughed. "Why is it up to me?"

"Because I've made it clear from the start it's what I want. You're the one dragging your feet."

"You know why, babe." He waited until they'd walked through the lobby and greeted Harvey to continue the conversation. "Until we know what our future holds with Noah, I don't want to count on anything. And quit making it sound like you've been waiting years."

"Technically, I have. I wanted a proposal the first time you smiled at me."

"Pretty sure you're exaggerating," Kendall smirked.

"Pretty sure I'm not. But spoiler alert, I'm gonna say yes. Just in case there was any doubt."

After exchanging pleasantries with the valet who called for James' car, Kendall turned to his boyfriend with a twinkle in his gaze. "Good to know. Does it need to be a grand gesture or can I just spring it on you like...while we're waiting for dessert?"

"You know what would be great? If you shocked me with it while we were waiting for my car to arrive."

"Oh, like now?" Kendall giggled.

James looked around as if he'd been unaware of their surroundings. "Well, look at that. We're randomly waiting for my car to arrive. What perfect timing!"

Kendall was filled with so much affection for James that he couldn't resist a kiss, James closing his eyes with a happy sigh until Kendall pulled back. "When the time is right, babe," he promised softly. "We'll know when that is. I love you so much, though, and I do plan to spend the rest of my life with you. Just know that now."

Probably because he was on the verge of losing everything else he'd come to love in his life, James had needed to hear it. He bent his head to Kendall's shoulder and held on tight until his car was brought around, and only then did he reluctantly try to step away. Kendall stopped him, needing to know one thing before letting go. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"I will be," James nodded. "Some magical wizard promised me that, and I'm holding him to it."

They shared a smile before parting. Together they'd make it through this.


	47. Chapter 47

A/N—Thanks for joining me for the weekly update of "Magic"! Most of this chapter is their last meeting with Paul before the hearing. We're so close to the actual hearing, I think only two chapters away. Thank you for reading!

* * *

Though James greeted Paul with a smile, Kendall sensed it was forced. He knew it wasn't Paul that James was growing weary of, it was this place and what it represented in their lives: the constant reminder that Noah wasn't with them and that James wasn't capable of fixing that on his own.

Tracy carrying a box of donuts into the conference room helped, and when she offered it to James, the smile became genuine. "Thanks. We stopped for coffee but didn't get a chance for breakfast."

"Lucy's running late," Paul informed them. At a sharp glance from James, he added, "She promised she'd be here, but something came up and she'll be here by nine. It's not a problem, James, we've got the paperwork put together. Her deposition can be added in easily afterward. The clerk's coming at nine instead."

"Okay," James sighed.

Kendall steered him into a chair and bent down to kiss the top of his head before joining him at the table. With each day that passed, Kendall felt James' patience growing thinner while his tension did the opposite. He just wanted James to find peace, and hopefully no matter what the outcome of the hearing, he'd be able to accept what fate had in store for him.

Once everyone was settled in, Tracy slid a set of papers over to Paul. He glanced through them and nodded. "So what we ended up with is basically what we discussed Saturday, with the addition of Lucy's testimony and the letter from Shannon added in as proof of what we're asserting as far as Sherry's behavior in the role of guardian. But let's go over it again, and you can tell me if you'd like to change anything."

"When are you filing this?" Kendall wondered. "I want to make sure the judge has time to read it over before the hearing."

"Tracy will take it to the courthouse as soon as we're finished today," Paul answered. "It should be there no later than eleven, and your hearing is scheduled for 11 A.M. tomorrow."

"That doesn't give a judge much time to read it, does it?" James asked. "Won't the judge have other things to do today?"

"Because it's considered an emergency situation and everything's rushed, the judge will most likely look over the case tonight. I promise, James, this won't just be shuffled through. They'll take the time to make sure Noah's needs are met."

Kendall shifted in his chair, still nervous about that; he'd learned in school how overloaded the court system was. "Do you know anything about the judge? Have you faced him before?"

"I have," Paul nodded. "I can't say I've won every case he heard, but he is a fair man."

James sat up straighter. "So I don't have to worry about him hating me because I'm gay?"

"You're my first gay parent, so I make no promises because I just don't know. But my gut tells me that won't be an issue with this judge."

Kendall felt a little better; at least that was (hopefully) one less worry. He reached over to squeeze James' knee. "It's gonna be fine, babe." James' response was to keep Kendall's hand in place, and again Kendall sensed that tension in him, as if he was walking a tightrope and trying to stay balanced. "So what's the plan?" Kendall asked, ready to get James out of this place so that he could breathe.

"Here's how we're presenting it all." Paul used the paperwork as a guideline as he talked, showing them the argument they'd built up in James' favor. First and foremost would be the assertion that James had not known of Noah's existence until Shannon's death. "We want to be clear on why you haven't been part of his life up to this point," Paul pointed out, and James nodded emphatically. Sherry wouldn't be able to contest that because Shannon's letter backed it up. From there they'd move on to Sherry's insistence that James have nothing to do with Shannon, using Logan's testimony of childhood memories to support the fact that Shannon was in essence a prisoner in her own home unless it was regarding school. James' own memories of Sherry's hatred of him would be added to that.

"So we're introducing prejudice," Kendall said to himself, impressed. Paul caught the comment and nodded.

"It's important that we do that, because it explains much of her behavior regarding Noah. We have to show that before Noah even came along, Sherry hated James. Then we move on to how Sherry's behavior affected Shannon—the depression, the drug use, etc."

"I thought we couldn't blame Shannon's overdose on Sherry," James commented.

"We're not," Paul assured him. "We're simply stating that because of the restrictions put on her by Sherry, she suffered depression and turned to drugs as a coping mechanism. We'll have Lucy's testimony to support that. All of this is in turn leading to your fears for Noah's future, should he be raised by his grandparents. We don't want history to repeat itself."

"Hell no, we don't," James agreed. "I won't put my son through that."

"Right. From there, we move on to how that same behavior is continued with Noah, and to a stronger degree. She won't let him go to school. He rarely leaves the house and has very little social interaction, which is imperative for children at that age. The fact that Lucy had to be sneaked into the house will help prove that. We explain that Sherry went so far as to prejudice Noah against his own father, filling his head with lies about James. When Noah came to live with you, he was terrified of you because he'd been told you didn't want him, you were mean, and you were evil because of your sexual preference. Is that accurate?"

It was Kendall who answered that question. "Absolutely. But...it was me he told those things to, not James. So if the judge questions James about it, he can't state anything as fact. Only what he was told."

Paul leaned back in his seat to consider that. Tracy said, "Let's get Kendall's statement on record. We'll add it in with Lucy's testimony."

Kendall was hesitant to use himself, as it would only add weight to Sherry's argument that Noah had spent a lot of time in his presence. Then again, the photos from the detective would do the same. "As long as it doesn't damage James' case in any way," he said.

"It shouldn't," Paul promised, following Kendall's train of thought. "Like I said Saturday, we're not hiding the fact that James is in a serious monogamous relationship and plans to continue that. We're only offering to deny your access to Noah."

 _Only._ Kendall barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the offhand comment, which was so much more than an "only" to him. It would impact him intensely. "That's fine, then."

Paul asked, "Do you have somewhere to be this morning or can you take the time to stay and give a deposition?"

Kendall shook his head. "I've got nowhere else."

James' gaze narrowed before he turned toward Kendall. "Wait a second. Don't you do that interning thing Monday mornings? What time do you have to be there?"

"Don't worry about it," Kendall replied brusquely.

"No, Kendall, you have to stop putting your life on hold for me. Did you at least call them?"

"James, we'll talk about it later."

"Babe. Look at me. Are you missing that right now?"

"It doesn't matter," Kendall answered.

"It does."

"No, because that's...it's not important, James."

"Stop saying that. It is."

"We'll discuss it later," Kendall said through his teeth.

"Go call them. At least tell them why you're not there."

Why was James pushing this so hard? It wasn't a conversation they needed to be having right now. "James...they emailed me earlier. My internship with them is over. It's fine, I'll find another place after tomorrow. Now can we get back to what's important and talk about the case since that's why we're here?"

James' face fell, and this was exactly what Kendall didn't want James to deal with today—guilt and self-recrimination. "They fired you? Because of...all this?"

Kendall knew the tears weren't far behind. He let out a breath and stood up, pulling James with him. "I'm sorry, can you give us two minutes?"

Paul nodded kindly. "We're not going anywhere."

"Thank you."

"Babe..."

Kendall shushed James and led him out into a short hallway, then used both hands to force James to look at him. "This isn't the time to argue about my internship," he started gently. "We have all day once we leave here, we can fight about it then. Right now your focus needs to be the hearing. Noah."

Tears had reached the surface. "I'm ruining your life."

"No, James, stop, you've made my life a million times better." He clutched James to him, rocking him in place. "You and Noah are everything I was missing."

"But you're losing everything else and for what? Me? I can't even promise you'll have Noah when this is all done. You gave up school and now you lost your job—"

"It wasn't technically my job. I've still got Black Forest, and that's the one that pays me."

"But the law office is part of your future! You need that to live your dream."

"And I'll find it again. I didn't really like it there anyway."

"So what? You need it for your degree, right?"

"There are tons of law firms in this city. I'm not worried about it. What I'm worried about is you." He stepped back, cradling James' face and using his thumb to wipe away tears. "Yell at me all you want for it, but you're the most important thing in my life and if you're not okay, that takes precedence. _You_ take precedence. The rest...I'm not gonna say it isn't important, but...you come first. Once I know you're good, I can think about everything else."

"Babe...I love you for that but...I don't want to be the cause of your life falling apart. I don't want you to stay with me and marry me and then fifty years from now resent me because you never got to do what you wanted with your life."

"Oh, I'm still gonna do it. I promise you that. But remember when I said that you make me a better person? It's true. So I will go after my dreams and I _will_ save families. But I want to do that with you at my side. Both of you, if there's any way in hell to make that happen. Job one is taking care of you. Because then you can be the support _I_ need and help me get through it all. That's what we do for each other. I'm helping you through this. When it's my turn to fall apart, you'll be right there to help me. Right?"

"Yes," James replied with no hesitation. He pressed a hard kiss to Kendall's mouth. "Lean on me. I know I cry a lot but that doesn't mean I'm weak. I'll be strong when you need me to be."

"I know you will. And right now, it's my turn to be strong for you. So let me focus on you and get you where you need to be, which is at home with Noah. Once we get that taken care of, I'll focus on myself again."

Rather than the "thank you" Kendall was expecting, he got a frustrated groan in response. "Why do you always have to make so much sense?"

"Because I'm just good like that," Kendall grinned. He pulled James to him for another kiss. "Let's get back in there, because they're working hard for you and the longer we stand out here, the longer you're paying them to just sit there and eat donuts while we fight."

"Damn. You're right."

"Yep."

They turned back to the conference room. James tugged on Kendall's hand before they opened the door. "I love you."

Kendall closed his eyes, the words like a soothing balm over his body. He accepted the soft kiss placed at his lips and smiled. "I love you, too."

* * *

Tracy had a box of tissues waiting. James thanked her with his eyes and used one. "Sorry about that. I didn't know he'd lost the internship. But he's right, this wasn't the place to discuss it, and..." He shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"Actually," Tracy replied, "we decided this was the perfect place for you to discuss it. You were interning at a law firm, right?" She directed the last part to Kendall.

"Uh...yeah. I wasn't learning much there, though. They basically made me the errand boy, which...is probably normal. Get coffee, answer phones, take notes..."

"It doesn't have to be normal," Paul pointed out. "While you two were out there, Tracy reminded me that she's overworked and could use someone to help her prepare cases like yours. Since you're still in school, a lot of it's fresh in your mind and you're keeping up with the current changes, I assume. Yes?"

Kendall blinked a few times, afraid to believe this was heading where he thought it might be. "Y-yes. One of my professors actually complimented me on my ability to recall precedents and use them in current situations without having to research too often. For some reason when it comes to that sort of thing, I have an excellent memory. I just can't seem to remember to call my mom or...pay my gas bill on time," he chuckled.

"That's common in the law profession," Paul laughed. "We forget the easy stuff. But Tracy's right, she and the other two associates have a lot on their plates and I'd be an idiot to say no to free help."

James leaned forward in his chair. "Wait a second. Are you offering Kendall a job?!"

"An internship," Paul corrected. "Which could eventually turn into a position here, though I can't promise that at this time. We'll see where we stand once the internship is complete and you get your license to practice. But I have to admit, Kendall, your approach to family law intrigues me and I'd like to see that in action one day. I don't know if it's possible to keep families together once they reach this point. I'm curious to hear more about how you intend to do that. Think it over, and once we get past the hearing, let me know if you'd be interested in an internship with us."

Kendall licked his lips, heart racing. "I don't need to think anything over. The answer is yes. I need an internship and you've been so great with James...I would be honored to be part of this team. I do have a full-time job so I can only offer a few days a week, and I know that's not much, but..."

"We'll figure out the details later," Paul nodded. "A few days is better than no days. James, we'll subtract the past five minutes of conversation from your time so it's not included in your fee."

James' mouth seemed to be stuck open in shock. "I don't even care. You're seriously offering him a place to work?! That's the coolest thing that's happened all day!"

Amused, Kendall kept silent on the fact that it wasn't even 9 A.M. "Now that you're smiling again, can we get back to what's important here and talk about Noah?"

"Yes! Oh my god, I need another donut." In much better spirits now, James accepted the bottle of water Tracy offered him along with the box of donuts. "Where were we? She's a lying bitch who made my son hate me, right?"

"That's one way of putting it," Tracy chuckled. "We decided we'd get Kendall's testimony about everything Noah said to him regarding what Sherry told him about James. And her prejudice against homosexuality."

Kendall added, "I think I should also mention that Sherry convinced Noah his other grandmother didn't love him and wanted nothing to do with him. She's purposely alienating every other member of his family."

James fell back against the seat as if he'd been slapped. "You didn't tell me that."

"I didn't?"

"No. She said my mother doesn't love him?"

"Oh, right, he said all that the day he was taken away. I never got a chance to tell you. He's afraid to meet your mom because Sherry told him she doesn't like him or want to know him."

"What the actual _fuck_?" James muttered. "My _mother_?"

Curious, Kendall asked, "Did she know your mom? From when you were a kid?"

"I think they met like twice? My mom wasn't the most involved parent, so she wasn't around a lot. I do remember Sherry saying she wasn't a good mother and because I agreed with that, I never really argued. But...she told my son..." James shook his head in disbelief.

"We'll definitely use that," Tracy said as she jotted down a note on the paperwork. "Anything else we want to include regarding her treatment of Noah? Besides his schoolwork?"

Kendall spoke up. "The fact that Pete has to sneak phone calls to James because she won't allow Noah to speak to his father. More proof of alienation from family members."

"That's already in there," Paul agreed. "So we should have a pretty solid case against her as a guardian. Next we move on to proving that James is the better choice and entirely capable of raising Noah in a healthy manner. We have his employment records to show he's been clean for at least three years and can hold a steady job, and we'll use what Logan and Harvey contributed regarding his daily lifestyle. Kendall, in this case it would be best to omit any testimony from you as you're completely biased when it comes to James."

"Understood," Kendall nodded.

"So we have the current drug test and background check as well, and we tossed in Jett's statement about the fact that he lied to the detective and his reasons for it. Hopefully that will be enough to show that James does not perform any work around Noah, but even so if you agree to give up the job that won't really matter for the future."

"Oh." James jolted. "The job's done. That was decided last night. No matter how the hearing turns out, I'm finished working as a dancer. By the time we go to court, I will have quit. I'm planning to do that tonight."

Paul stared at James across the table. "Wouldn't you rather wait to find out if it's necessary?"

"No. It's already necessary, and independent of whether or not Noah lives with me. So let's put in there that I already quit the job, because by tomorrow that will be the case."

"Okay." Tracy added another note. "Paul, what does that do to his financial status?"

"We've discussed that," Kendall stated. "He's going to take a hit financially, but he'll be looking into a new career later today. Whatever he chooses probably won't pay him as much, though. Is that going to cost him Noah?" Neither answered right away. Kendall added, "The judge can request proof of employment as part of the ruling, right? For example, he must have proof of a steady job in thirty days or he gives up custody? Something like that?"

"We can offer that," Paul said slowly. "James, how long will you able to support Noah on what you have now?"

"We figured out about three months. I can for sure find something in that time. Kendall said they might schedule a follow-up hearing for that, but allow me custody in the meantime?"

"As long as you can provide proof of income now. We don't have time for a subpoena of your bank records, which is the proper way to do that. What we _can_ do is print out a copy of your current account balances to file today, and ask the court to issue a subpoena to your bank for proof that it's accurate and has been building up over time. And we'll have to give an estimate of your bill from me so they know to subtract that amount from the totals. But as long as you can show that you'll still have enough to support him for three months, the judge will most likely ask you to come back at that time to show proof of steady income."

"I can do that. And I'd get Noah in the meantime?"

"That probably won't _keep_ you from gaining custody, if that's what you're asking." James nodded, and Paul continued. "So we use Logan, Harvey, and Jett to establish character and daily lifestyle. Your bank balances to prove financial stability, along with the promise of a new job in the near future. We mention that Noah's already enrolled in school, which is something Sherry never did. Harvey's testimony will show that The Pembroke is a safe environment for Noah, and we state that Carlos will be living in the apartment as a caretaker for Noah when you can't be present. We have Carlos' background check and drug test to speak for him, but we also say that if the court requires it, you will find licensed childcare for Noah instead and ask Carlos to move out. Basically no matter what that decision is, you'll be ordered to appear for a follow-up hearing just so the judge can make sure all of what we're promising has come to pass. The new job, the childcare, Kendall's absence from Noah's life..."

Kendall had been wondering when they'd get to that. He swallowed hard before asking, "How are we handling that?"

"We have statements from Carlos and Logan that neither has been in a physical or romantic relationship with James at any time. We'll stipulate that you are and that you have acted in a semi-parental role with Noah, but agree to cut off all contact between you and Noah should the judge require that as a condition of custody."

It sounded so final. "Cut off all contact." It was like a hot blade slicing through his heart. Kendall nodded anyway, not trusting himself to speak but keeping his face neutral. James' hand landed on his thigh in a comforting gesture that reminded Kendall he wasn't the only one who was hurt by the idea of his separation from Noah.

"Anything else?" James asked, and when he did his voice was strained.

"Yes, the offer of a weekend each month with his grandparents. Are you still okay with that?"

James nodded. "For Pete's sake. Noah really does love spending time with his grandpa."

Paul added, "And we'll make sure the judge knows you were allowing Noah to contact his grandparents each day that you had him with you. It's important to show that you aren't going to keep him from them."

"He can call them whenever he wants," James shrugged. "But I'd prefer that he spends no more than two days a month with his grandmother. She'll never stop trying to warp his mind."

"One weekend a month is enough to satisfy a judge," Paul assured him. "It's actually generous. I have no doubt you'll come out of this looking like the better parent, James. Dress up a little for court. No jeans, no t-shirt."

"I'm not worried about that," James smiled. "I know how to look good. And we decided Kendall can be there, right? I can't do this without him."

"I'll be there," Kendall promised. It might be his last chance to set eyes on Noah; he wouldn't miss it for the world.

A phone near Tracy's elbow shrilled. After a brief conversation, she hung up and announced, "Miss Stone is here. I told Laurie to send her back."

James let out a breath of relief. "Thank God. Part of me was afraid she'd back out."

"Keep talking like that and I will. Ooo, are those donuts? Do you have any with sprinkles? What about coconut?"

A wan smile formed on Kendall's face. Lucy had arrived.

* * *

Lucy didn't stick around after her deposition, claiming she had to run for her next class. They thanked her for coming and she swore to show up for the hearing the following day, and then Kendall sat down with Paul and the clerk for his own deposition. All that remained after that was the plan for Tuesday. Paul had a court appearance already scheduled and wouldn't be done with that until almost 10 A.M., so Tracy agreed to meet with them beforehand to go over questions the judge might throw at James. He was grateful for that, as he wanted to be as prepared as possible.

"I'll be in touch as soon as the paperwork is filed," Tracy added before they left. "Just so you know it's done."

"Thank you," James sighed. "I really appreciate everything you've both done for me. If things don't work out tomorrow, it won't be anything you guys did wrong. And thanks for giving Kendall a chance with the internship."

Kendall jumped in to agree with that, and they said their goodbyes. First stop was food, as Kendall was reaching that cranky stage he tended to get to when he went too long without it.

"You should've eaten the donuts!" James scolded once Kendall shared his need for sustenance. "There were plenty, at least until Lucy got there."

"I was too nervous," Kendall admitted.

"Really? You didn't seem nervous."

"I hide it well," he shrugged.

"Yeah, but I can usually read that in you. Am I losing my touch already?"

Kendall allowed James to join their hands as they walked toward the car. "I think you were too upset yourself. I know how difficult this is on you."

"I just want it to be over."

"I know, babe. What sounds good for brunch?"

James turned his mind to food, attempting to let go of the tension and worry that seemed to be his constant companions since Noah had been taken. "How about somewhere close to home? I don't really want to be out much today."

"The diner sounds good, I could go for some corndogs and fries. What time is it?" After checking his watch, Kendall added, "Want to see if Carlos is up for food? He's gonna go crazy for those corndogs."

"Yeah, that works."

"Unless you'd rather be alone."

"No, I think he's exactly what I need right now. He's got this...I don't know how to explain it."

"I know what you mean, though. He always gets me out of my head when I'm depressed or anxious or...you know."

"Yeah. And that's what Logan needs, someone to get him out of his head. So they're perfect for each other. I'll text him."

James automatically moved toward the passenger's side of the car. Though they'd never really discussed it, Kendall had noticed it was a given now that he drove when they were together. He wasn't sure what it meant, but liked that it felt as if James had silently made the decision to let Kendall handle things of that nature. Kendall liked feeling needed, his natural protective nature coming to the fore around family and loved ones. He enjoyed taking care of them.

Before he started the car he turned to James, who was busy presumably texting Carlos. "Hey. I've never said it, but I love that you let me drive."

James was half-listening. "Hmm?"

"I love that you let me drive."

The text finished, James shifted his full attention to Kendall. "Oh. I just...really? You're not like...teasing me?"

"No," Kendall chuckled. "It doesn't make any sense, but I like driving you places."

"Like a chauffeur?" James smirked.

"No, it's not like that." Giving up, Kendall got the car started and buckled himself into place. "Never mind."

"Babe, I'm kidding. I never really gave it much thought, but I feel safer with you driving."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I get too emotional half the time, especially when people piss me off. I know you don't, and that because I'm in the car or Noah is, you're going to be more careful."

Kendall nodded slowly, agreeing with that. He got the car moving. "I don't know why I suddenly needed to tell you that."

"I'm glad you did," James smiled. "Sometimes I feel like a burden, like I lean on you too much."

"Babe, it's fine."

"Just because you're okay with it, that doesn't mean it isn't too much. So it's nice to hear that you don't mind it." His phone buzzed and he looked down. "Oh, Carlos is down for corndogs. I told him where it is, so he'll meet us there in twenty minutes."

"Cool. He'll be leaving for work in a few hours, which gives us the rest of the day alone. What would you like to do with that time?" Before James could answer, Kendall tossed out, "Besides sex."

James laughed, reaching out to give Kendall's thigh a squeeze. "You know that's on my list. But at some point I need to look for a job. Would you help me with that?"

"Of course. We'll start with jobs where you can cook, since you love it so much."

"Kendall, I keep telling you. Without any sort of degree, no one's gonna hire me to do that."

"Bullshit. You think everyone who works in food service has a degree?"

"No, but I want more out of life than slinging burgers somewhere. I'm not knocking fast food or anything, it's just not where I want to spend the rest of my life. All I care about right now is making sure I have a job to support Noah. It doesn't have to be in a kitchen."

"Okay, well I can tell you that Black Forest will be short a person starting next week. So there's definitely an opening."

"Who's leaving?"

"Corey. He's taking a month off after his wedding."

"A _month_? The guy needs an entire month for a honeymoon?"

"Are you saying that when we get married, you wouldn't love getting away with Noah and me for a month?"

"Well, when you put it that way...but still, that's so long."

"They bought a house, so he's taking the time off to get it set up and to settle in with his new wife."

"Must be nice. So...you're saying that if I did work there, I wouldn't have to deal with him."

"Not for a month, anyway."

James bit his lip while considering that. "By that time I'd hopefully be able to find a new job doing something else."

"It's a place to start," Kendall agreed. "All the free lattes you want, and I'll teach you how to make your own."

"Okay, but...does that mean you'd never make my coffee again? Because I kind of really love that you do. It's no fun putting my own smiley face on the cup."

Stopped at a red light, Kendall leaned over to kiss James' cheek. "I guess for you, I can still do that."

"You'd better. There's no way in hell I can make a latte as well as you do."

"Yes, you can."

"Nope. I don't have that magic touch."

Kendall shrugged as he put the car in motion again. "I don't know about that. It feels like magic when you touch _me_."

"Oh my god, you're so cheesy!" James dissolved into laughter, the sound like music to Kendall's ears. Anytime he could get James to laugh was a win.

"You love it."

"I do. I _so_ do. May the romance never die in our relationship."

Kendall seconded that.


	48. Chapter 48

A/N—Two updates in one week? I'm on a roll. And I know that this is a really really long chapter but I wanted to get them through Monday so we can start fresh with the day of the hearing for the next chapter. We're finally there (at least, by the time you finish this one you will be). Thanks so much for the love on this story, and I hope you enjoy this one! :)

* * *

While James found sites to research job opportunities, Kendall made a phone call that lasted all of three minutes. He returned to the dining room table and handed James a glass of lemonade while announcing, "You now have a job at Black Forest."

James almost spit out the liquid that had seeped into his mouth. "What? Just like that?"

"Just like that," Kendall grinned. He took a chair next to James and set down his own glass.

"No interview? No resume? No...nothing?"

"All I had to say to Annie was that by giving you a job, she was helping you win back your son. Since she was already stressing over replacing Corey for a month, it was a no-brainer. You, James Diamond, are now a proud employee of Black Forest Coffee. I told her we'd head over tonight so you can sign all the paperwork and discuss when you want to start."

"Oh my god. Oh my god, Kendall. I have a job? Like...it's for sure? Aren't there a million hoops to jump through?"

"Black Forest is a small place, not like the big chains. Everything's more relaxed there, at least as far as corporate rituals because there really is no corporate. It's just Annie, who took over the place when her dad passed away. We do take our coffee and our customer service seriously, though. You'll spend the first few days just learning how to make the different drinks and snacks that we sell, though Annie does most of the baking. And she'll probably have me train you on customer service, since I'm usually the one who gets stuck with that. It might be a little weird to have me in a teaching role with you. I don't want that to cause problems between us."

"Are you kidding? I already think of you as a coffee god, I won't have any trouble taking orders from you. Wait, are you my boss? That might be kind of hot."

Kendall rolled his eyes, amused. "No, by my own choice I'm not a member of management. Annie's obviously the manager, but we also have Monica and Gina as supervisors. Oh, and Glenn, but he only works like two days a week. Corey mostly stays at the pick-up counter, so you shouldn't have to interact with customers too much. He's also in charge of keeping the place clean. Think you can handle that?"

"Have you seen my kitchen, Kendall? Is it ever not clean? The only time I ignore that is when you yell at me to go to bed because you need sex."

Kendall smacked James' arm in fake outrage. "Excuse me, it's because I know _you_ need sex to unwind. Don't make me out to be some nympho."

"Would it make you feel better if I admitted that when it comes to you, I'm a nympho, too?"

It _did_ help. "I guess," Kendall hedged. "Are you saying you need sex right now?"

"The true answer to that is 'always' but I'm trying to be a responsible adult and better my life so I can provide for my son. Let's take a little time to look into a new career for me before I lose my willpower and give in to your sexual advances."

"You call _that_ a sexual advance?"

"I was referring to the look in your eyes. You know that's all it takes, one look from you to get me in the mood."

"Oh. I'll remember that." Pleased, Kendall caved to the urge to kiss James before forcing himself to focus on the laptop. "So what are we looking at?"

"I found some job sites. I don't really know where to begin, though."

"Let's try...hang on." Kendall dragged the laptop closer and clicked on a new tab, then ran a search for "do I need a degree to work as a chef?"

James let out an amused noise. "That's so simple."

"Sometimes we overcomplicate things," Kendall nodded. "I'm trying not to do that."

They discovered that while a degree was certainly helpful to get a job as a chef, it wasn't always required. "Look, babe," Kendall shared. "You can start in catering, or...food prep? What's that?"

"Oh! That's basically like being a chef's assistant. But most chefs won't hire someone without training or some education. That's what I really need."

"It says here you can get that at a community college, which would probably work best for you since you won't have the time to go to school full-time. Actually...let me check something." A few more clicks of the keys and Kendall sat back with a smile. "Boom. You can earn degrees online, at your own pace. That means you can take classes right here while Noah's sound asleep, and you don't have to worry about a babysitter for him while you're at school. Because this will be your classroom."

"Holy shit. I didn't even know that was an option."

"See? It's not as hard as you think it is. Get yourself a certificate and _then_ you can find a job in an actual kitchen somewhere."

"I can't do that in a month, Kendall."

"A month? Who says it has to be in a month?"

"Because when Corey comes back I won't have a job, right? I'm just covering him?"

"Let's not worry about that right now. I can't promise anything, but if I know Annie she isn't going to just let you go when Corey comes back. She'll find a place for you, if you want it."

"I think you have a highly-inflated opinion of me, Mr. Knight. I'm not actually as awesome as you seem to think I am."

"The opposite is true, James. You're a thousand times _more_ awesome than you think you are. I know Annie, and she's going to love you."

"Kendall...it's still not enough to maintain this place. No offense, babe, I know you don't need as much money for rent as I do, but I have to think about that. I have to think about Noah, and a job like that in the long-term isn't enough to keep me in this lifestyle."

"No, I suppose it's not. When are you going to swallow your stubborn pride and let me help with money?"

"Babe, it's not about pride. I'm not taking money from you to pay for a place you can't even live in."

"I don't care about that. I just want to make sure you and Noah have what you need."

"And what about _your_ needs?"

"I can move back in with Mom if I have to. Rent-free."

"What?! No!"

"It's an option, James. She offered that over the weekend, said that if I need a place to live I always have home."

"That's too far! I'd never see you!"

"We'll be working together, you'll see me all the time."

"Oh." James had forgotten that. "Still, babe...that's so far and you'd be commuting back and forth between work and school and the law firm...you'll need that money for gas. And what about this car you were gonna buy? You have to take care of yourself first."

"We just had this discussion. You guys are the priority."

"No, I won't let you sacrifice like that for us. It means the world to me that you would even consider helping me pay rent, but...I can't. I have to do this on my own. And even online courses cost money, I don't know how I'm supposed to pay for that and this place and utilities and oh my god, Noah's gonna need stuff, Kendall how am I gonna do this?!"

James was heading back to the stage approaching hysteria. Kendall derailed that the best way he knew how—he swept James into a deep kiss, surprising him with it so that James' train of thought was interrupted. Ten more seconds of that had James groping at Kendall's jeans, and fuck being a responsible adult right now; James needed peace.

Kendall provided that with slow lovemaking in the bedroom he still liked to think of as theirs, and when that was done James did exactly what Kendall had hoped he would: he slipped into an exhausted sleep. Kendall made sure he was as comfortable as possible before returning to the dining room table in search of James' phone.

There _was_ one other option James hadn't considered, and this he knew was definitely borne of stubborn pride. After closing the bedroom door to keep James from overhearing, Kendall made a phone call.

* * *

Surprisingly, the call was picked up rather than going to the voicemail Kendall had expected to be sent to. "James? Is everything alright?"

"Mrs. Diamond, it's not James. It's Kendall, I'm James' boyfriend."

A pause was followed by, "I know who you are. Is something wrong with James?"

"No, I didn't mean to worry you. I used his phone because I don't have your number. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Just that, I have a conference call scheduled in ten minutes. Where is he?"

"Sleeping. He's..."

"Fragile, yes. I know. But he won't let me help him, he shuts me out at every turn."

"Why is that?" Kendall thought he knew, and was also aware it wasn't his business; he was curious anyway.

"If you ask him, it's because he doesn't need me. My answer is that I wasn't there for him much as a child, so he learned to stop asking for help. That's my fault, but _you_ try raising a child on your own without working extra hours to make the money necessary to keep them clothed and fed. Sometimes you have to sacrifice, and it's not fair but it's life."

"That's...actually why I'm calling. James is having to make some adjustments to his lifestyle for Noah's sake, and he's worried about money."

"Money? My son is worried about money? He always tells me he makes plenty with that dancing thing of his."

"He's giving that up. He's trying to be a better person for his son, and he wants to go to school. The legal fees are eating through most of his savings and he's worried that with a...regular job, I guess...he won't have enough to maintain his apartment here at The Pembroke. But that's part of his defense, providing a safe place like this for Noah. He's worried that because he can't, he'll lose custody of Noah."

"What does he need?" No hesitation.

"I'm...not exactly sure. I have no idea what this place costs, only that it's a lot. He's flat-out refusing to let me help him pay for anything, so I thought I'd see if there was anything you can do to help."

"Of course there is, I've been trying to help him for years. What makes you think he'll accept my help now?"

"I can talk him into it. I'll use Noah and remind him that as a grandmother, you have a right to make sure your grandson is taken care of. You'll be at the hearing tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, it's already penciled in. Eleven o'clock?"

"Yeah. I don't suppose you could meet up with us earlier, at the law office? We're going over some last-minute details before the hearing. I think knowing that he has your backing will help him get through it. He's terrified the judge is going to deny him custody because he can't financially provide for his son."

"That's not going to happen. I'll make sure the judge knows it won't be an issue. Tell me where and when to be there."

Relief swept through Kendall. James was going to be extremely pissed at him for this, but he'd get over it. All that mattered was making sure he got the chance to have Noah back home. After sharing the necessary information with Brooke, Kendall thanked her.

"He doesn't know you're calling me right now, does he?"

"Nope."

"He isn't going to be pleased."

Kendall thought that might be the understatement of the century. "I know."

"Yet you still called me. Why?"

"Because it's my job to take care of him when he won't or can't. He and Noah are my number one priority."

Brooke absorbed that, the silence heavy with questions she wanted to ask Kendall. "Are you planning to marry my son?"

"That's the goal. It probably won't happen for years but one day, yes. And please spare me the lecture about how it's too soon to be thinking that way. I already know all of that."

"Can you promise me something?"

She'd skipped right over the admonishments about the breakneck speed their relationship was moving, which Kendall found odd. "Maybe?"

"Will you work on him? Let him know I'm not the enemy and that all I want is to make up for lost time? I can't get back the past; I just don't want to waste the future. I'd like to know my son _and_ my grandson. Please help me do that. He trusts you and listens to you. I just want...to _be there_."

"Can I be honest?"

"I demand honesty. No sugarcoating. Has he said he wants nothing to do with me?"

"No, he doesn't talk much about you at all, and the reason for that is because it hurts. I know there's part of him that still loves you. The problem is that he doesn't believe you love him. You need to make sure he knows that."

Her brusque voice softened. "Of course I love him. Why would he doubt that?"

"Probably because you never really said it. Just...don't hold back. Don't be afraid to say the wrong thing and push him away. Tell him how much you miss him. Offer to spend time with them. Even if he loses tomorrow, make an effort to come see him. He'll need someone, because I won't be around as much."

"Why not?"

"The judge will most likely see me as a bad influence on Noah. I'm not leaving James, we've agreed to stay together. But we won't be able to physically spend as much time together, so he'll need someone."

"Understood. I'll be there tomorrow. And I'll make sure he knows money isn't an issue."

"Thank you, Mrs. Diamond."

"Kendall, it's not Mrs. I was never married. Please just call me Brooke."

"Okay. See you tomorrow morning, Brooke."

"Hold on, does he need money now? I can drop off a check this evening."

"No, he's fine right now. Thank you, though."

"Give me your number. I don't trust him to tell me the truth, so I'll be calling you weekly to check on him."

"No problem."

Once that was taken care of, Kendall promised to keep her informed. He hung up feeling much less stressed about the money side of things; if James wouldn't let him help, Brooke would step up to do it. Somehow Kendall sensed that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

With that in mind, he texted Brooke to ask for one more favor. She immediately replied that she would come through, and Kendall grinned.

James was already going to be pissed, why not get what he could out of it?

* * *

Annie greeted Kendall with a hug, commenting that she couldn't wait for him to come back before surprising James with a hug as well. Kendall met his shocked face with a smirk that said, "Didn't I tell you?"

"I'm gonna let you two take care of business while I go make us coffee."

James looked panicked at the idea of being alone with Annie, so Kendall leaned in to whisper, "It's fine, you've got the job no matter what. I'll be right over there with Carlos."

"What's up, bro?" Carlos grinned as Kendall approached. "I hear we got a new employee starting soon?"

"What all did Annie say about it?"

"She just asked me about him, said she figured I knew a little bit since I'm your best friend. I told her I live with James now and that seemed to be enough. I guess if we both know him and like him, that makes him okay. I just hope he isn't rude to customers."

"He'll be fine, he's trying to do better about that for Noah. He's so scared. I really need to work on his self-esteem. It only seems to come out when he's dancing."

"Well, that's probably the only real skill he has."

Kendall could think of plenty of other skills James possessed, but few of them were proper topics of discussion outside of the bedroom. "You've tasted his cooking. That's one more thing he's good at and knows it. Can you uh..."

"Oh, sorry." Carlos moved aside to make room for Kendall, who stepped in to start their drinks. "So. I had a visitor earlier."

"Oh yeah?" Kendall knew just from the tone who that visitor was. "How'd it go?"

"Well...I'm pretty sure I won't be home tonight. Just so you know."

"Seriously? How'd you manage that? Did you tell him about the dinner reservation?"

"Yep. I took my break when he showed up, so we got to talk for a bit. I could tell he was still a little nervous, which is crazy when you think about how we were making out last night. He _so_ wanted it."

"I guess it's still gonna take time. Can you pass me the whipped cream? Thanks."

"I think he just didn't know what to say, like he was embarrassed about how he behaved last night. So I said that I know he's probably tired after work, and I won't get off until eight, but I made us reservations at 8:30 if he didn't mind a late dinner. He asked where, and when I told him, he goes, 'James suggested that, didn't he?' I couldn't lie, I admitted that James did tell me it was his favorite place. He laughed at that and then said, 'I'd love to get dinner with you, but I really don't want to be out past nine. How would you feel about getting it to go and eating while we watch a show tonight?'"

"Oh, dude! Didn't James say that if he invites you over, it's because he wants you to stay?"

"He sure did. So I jumped on that and said I could totally go for that. He's taking care of ordering dinner and picking it up, and I'm meeting him at his place. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but at least I know I get dinner with him tonight."

"We won't wait up," Kendall smirked. A thought occurred to him. "Do you think Logan realizes that this might be your last night of freedom before you have to be the nanny?"

"Oh, I never even thought of that. I wonder if that's why he's in a hurry."

"Not necessarily," Kendall shrugged, reaching for a marker to draw the smiley face on James' cup. "But I know it's heavy on _my_ mind tonight, that this might be my last night with James."

"Well, if Noah gets to spend a weekend with the witch every month, that gives you two nights with him."

Kendall drew in a breath. "I hadn't thought of that. You're right, I should get two days a month with James. God, that's such a relief. I still won't get to see Noah, but...man, I'm gonna treasure those nights."

"See? It's not all doom and gloom. Plus, Noah's happy to be home, James is happy to have him home...that's really what matters."

"Yeah, I know. That's what I keep telling James."

"Is it what you believe, though?"

"Of course. Doesn't mean I won't miss them in the meantime."

Kendall caught James' eye as he stepped out from the office. He held out the cup, and a smile formed as James approached.

"Thanks, babe. It's so weird to be on this side of the counter."

"Get used to it. Carlos probably won't be home tonight, just so you know. We get the place to ourselves."

"Really?" After taking a sip of coffee, James used the hand holding paperwork to awkwardly fist-bump Carlos. "Nice work. I'll call Logan to see where his head is, then we'll know for sure. I'm not wasting my last night with you, gorgeous."

The compliment hit its mark, Kendall blushing while finishing up his mocha.

"Is it always this dead at night?"

"Yeah, it slows down a lot after seven," Kendall explained. "That's why we close at eight. How'd it go?"

"Great, she gave me papers to prove I'm employed and wrote a letter to the judge outlining my pay and what kind of hours I can expect each week. It's a start."

"It'll help," Kendall promised. "We'll take that with us tomorrow. You ready to go home and block out the world for the night?"

"After I call Logan to make sure Carlos is staying the night, yes. Did my idea of dinner work?"

"Sort of," Carlos smirked. "He suggested we get it to go and head back to his place."

"Oh, dude, you're so getting laid tonight. At least a blowjob."

"Stop it, don't get my hopes up!"

"Trust me, Carlos. He hasn't had sex in years and I don't care what he says, he misses it. You got this, bro."

"Even if I don't, I'm happy to just hang out with him."

"Good. I don't want him with a guy who only uses for him sex. You ready, babe? Let's go home so I can use _you_ for sex."

Kendall couldn't keep a soft laugh to himself. "I'm not going to let you up for air all night."

"Mmm, promise? It could be our last, let's make it count."

Keeping in mind Carlos' reminder that Noah would most likely be gone for one weekend each month, Kendall wasn't as bothered by the notion this time. "We need at least five hours of sleep. I don't want you nodding off during the hearing."

"Four. I can live on four. I have so many plans for you." James tossed his head back to wink at Carlos before directing Kendall toward the exit. "See you tomorrow, loverboy! Make sure Logan shows up!"

"We'll be there! It's gonna be fine, James."

"I hope so," James said quietly, then seemed to push sad thoughts out of his head as they crossed the parking lot. "Take me home and fuck me raw," he said to Kendall.

"Jesus, babe. Can you at least wait until we get in the car to talk like that?"

James' answer was a coquettish grin that promised he'd only scratched the surface of his plans for Kendall.

It was going to be a long ride home.

* * *

In the quiet of the early morning hours, James stretched in the darkness, his toes reaching toward the foot of the bed. He was at peace as Kendall's lips dotted kisses up his stomach, then his torso, and stopped on his neck for light nips to the sensitive skin. "Mmm, I love your mouth."

"My mouth loves you," Kendall murmured, finally settling it where it longed to be most—James' lips. A slow, lazy kiss set them further at ease until James could barely keep his eyes open.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For which part?" Kendall smirked. There had been many, from the aggressive foreplay they'd succumbed to upon first entering the apartment, to the slow lovemaking that eventually followed in the bedroom. After a light doze, James awoke and remembered to call Sean. Quitting the job he'd felt most at home for years proved more difficult than James had imagined it would be, but he remained firm on the point and thanked Sean for giving him a chance. Once he hung up, he seemed at a loss and scared again so Kendall got his mind off it with kisses that transitioned into sex so good James was overwhelmed with sensation and no longer able to think about anything else. They didn't speak much while recovering from that, though James did cling more tightly than usual to Kendall as they came down. Kendall could practically hear the thoughts in James' head, something along the lines of "Please don't leave me, I'm scared and I need you and I can't live without this." To soothe him, Kendall used gentle kisses everywhere as a reminder to James that he was right there. His mouth lulled James to pleasure again slowly, Kendall taking his time, and now he wondered which part of all of that James had enjoyed most.

"All of it," James smiled. "Everything. I know you did it all to get my mind off things and help me relax, and...well. Thank you."

Kendall settled against James, snuggling into his embrace and resting his head on James' shoulder. He loved the way it fit there as if made to do so. "You act like I got no pleasure out of it, like it was all for you."

"It was. I'm your priority, right? Isn't that what you said? You have to make sure I'm okay before you can think about yourself?"

Kendall laughed lightly, caught. "Guilty. But you know what's great about sex? We both benefit from it. My motivation tonight was to help you, but what better way to do that than satisfying myself, too?"

"None. There is no better way. I approve of your methods, sir."

They giggled together in the dark, both enjoying the momentary absence of fear or sadness or worry. The impending hearing pressed upon the outer edges of their consciousness and for the time being, they were content to let it stay there.

"I love you," James suddenly declared. "I know I say it a lot, but right now in this moment I feel it more strongly than I probably ever have before. It's like every day I love you more, and I can't imagine feeling it any more intensely but then the next day comes and I do. I love you more every freaking day. How is that possible?"

"I guess there's no limit to how much you can love someone," Kendall suggested. "Because it's the same for me. There will never be a day where I love you less than the day before. It's exponential."

"What I don't get is that even when I do stupid shit or say things you don't approve of, that's still the case. How do you love me more even when I fuck up?"

Kendall didn't know how to explain it. "It's...I mean...I do things that annoy you, too. You don't love me any less."

"No, but the things about you that annoy me are like...when you tell me things I don't want to hear about myself. The truth. You're always right. But that's a good thing, too. I know the way I treat people bothers you."

"I think the reason that doesn't affect how much I love you is because I understand where your head is when you're rude. Or more accurately, your heart. Like with the lady at the school, or the woman at ikea, you lashed out because you were worried about Noah's feelings. It's like...okay, don't take this wrong, but it's what I think of as Mama Bear mentality. My mom has it, too. She gets along fine with people until they mess with her kids or hurt their feelings. Then Mama Bear comes out to make them pay."

"So I'm Mama Bear?" James snickered.

"Precisely. I don't see it as a bad thing, just...something that you need to be aware of and learn to control a little better. Remember that there are ways to get what you want for your child that don't involve yelling or threats."

"Like the way you appealed to that ikea chick's heart instead of threatening her job."

"Exactly! And I got what I wanted, right?"

"Yeah," James nodded. "So it's more like...manipulation?"

"I guess in a way. I hate to think of it like that, though."

"Hey, it works. And at the end of that story everyone was happy. You, me, the chick, and even her boss. Because they'd helped a kid who needed a home."

"Right! Wait, what was the point of this conversation again?"

James cracked up. "That you love me. And it's not gonna change."

"Oh. Yeah. There you have it."

Still amused, James cuddled Kendall tighter for a moment. "I like that I share something with your mom. She's so great."

"She really is. But you know, if you gave your mom a chance, she might—"

"Don't even go there, Kendall. There's no way in hell my mom is anything like yours."

"They're both motivated by love for their kids. I know your mom worked a lot and wasn't around much, but she did it for you. You know that, right?"

"What I needed most was for her to be there. I'm gonna be there for Noah."

"Because you learned from your mom's mistakes. She's human, babe. She thought she was helping you more by providing a good home for you."

"Didn't the fact that I was never _in_ that home tell her something? I spent most of my time at Logan's or Shannon's, because it was lonely in my place. She left me alone."

Kendall knew if he pressed the issue, James would continue to become defensive; his body was already showing signs of tension. "All I'm saying is that you know what it's like now, to have to worry about your son's future and well-being. You're worried about providing for him and decisions have to be made. She didn't have anyone to lean on."

"And I do? Shannon's dead."

"I'm right here, babe. I'm not a parent, but I'm someone for you to lean on, and I'm willing to help if you'll let me."

"Nope."

"My point is she didn't have that. I'm not excusing her neglect of you. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be mad or hurt by it."

"What are you saying then?"

"That she regrets it and wants to be close to you. She wants to do better with Noah. She's trying." Kendall let James absorb that before adding, "You told her it's not too late. I hope that's true."

"It is," James whispered. "Part of me is still so mad at her, but another part...that little kid inside me, he still wants Mommy."

Kendall squeezed James tight, hearing tears close to the surface. "That's okay, babe. Sometimes I still want Mommy, too. When I'm scared or hurt, my instinct is to run to Mommy. I'm sorry that yours wasn't there when you needed that."

"It's fine, that's what I have you for. Not that...wow, I just made this weird."

"No, you didn't," Kendall laughed. "I know what you mean. And you're becoming that for me, as well."

"I want to be. Lean on me, Kendall."

Closing his eyes, Kendall felt the reassuring weight of James beneath him. He let out a sigh, feeling his entire body relaxing.

"See? It's nice, right?"

"Very," Kendall smiled.

"And you're wrong, you know. About being a parent."

"Hmm?"

"You said you're not a parent. I don't care what the court says, what some judge who doesn't know us decides. If they ask Noah right now who his parents are, he'll probably say me and Shannon. But if someone asked him who his dad is, I bet you come into his mind."

"I'm a friend, remember? He knows you're his dad, babe."

"Still. You're a dad in his mind, too. I guarantee it. He'd think of both of us. Because in his mind, living here is with _us_. Which means he's going to be devastated when he understands that he can't see you. You're a parent."

Kendall didn't want to think about Noah's reaction (or his own) should that prove to be the case. "I guess in that sense, I am."

"It's the only sense that matters. You're Dad. Deal with it."

"I just don't want to get used to it, you know?"

"Yeah, but...I'm gonna make it happen someday, so...hang on. Does that make you Papa Bear?" The notion made James giggle.

"I suppose it does," Kendall replied.

"It fits. Damn, the way you were ready to go fight when you thought someone touched me last night? I was too upset to appreciate it at the time, but it's hot. You're usually so easygoing and nice, and I love that about you; I need it in a partner. But there's also a protective side of you that's aggressive. I mean, you were gonna leave because you couldn't handle the jealousy."

"Jealousy isn't something to be proud of, you know. It causes problems in relationships."

"Not this one. It just gets me hot."

Kendall shook his head against James' shoulder. "You're so weird."

"Nobody messes with Mama Bear when Papa Bear's around," James teased.

"Or when Papa Bear's not. Nobody messes with Mama Bear _ever._ "

"Except you." James' voice shifted, and suddenly Kendall was on his back and being pinned down. " _You_ can mess up Mama Bear anytime, anyplace."

Kendall's throat was tight with lust, making it hard to draw in air. He was so hard it made him squirm under James, and thirty seconds ago sex had been the furthest thing from Kendall's mind. How did James _do_ that? "You want to go again? How do you even have the energy?"

"I told you, I'm not wasting my last night with you." He moved off of Kendall to reach for the lube, then dropped it next to Kendall's head before getting on all fours. "Own me. Show me I belong to you."

"James." It came out more as a moan than the whisper it was meant to be. Kendall hadn't known before James that arousal could approach this intensity, that it could actually make his body _twitch_. It took all of his concentration just to get into position and flip open the cap, and by the time that was done Kendall's limbs were trembling with need.

James, on the other hand, seemed completely calm and patient as he looked back over his shoulder to watch. Kendall knew it was a lie, that James was just that good at keeping his feelings masked when he wanted to. He _liked_ that Kendall was beyond control, that no one else could bring that side of Kendall out. His gaze was predatory, able to make out Kendall's movements in the dark. "Take me. Hard and fast."

The bottle tipped, liquid oozing toward the cap, and Kendall's anticipation was at a fever pitch. His fingers applied more pressure to speed up the process, then they released at the sound he'd come to know well and associate with Noah.

James gasped as his phone shrilled. Their eyes met, and it was there for only a second, but for the first time they were both tempted to let it go. Concern for his son overrode that (or as Kendall might say, Mama Bear mode kicked in), and the mood was broken. Kendall snapped the cap closed and tossed the bottle aside before settling in next to James, who had grabbed his phone and was seated against the headboard. "Baby?"

"Speaker!" Kendall hissed.

James pulled the phone away from his ear and pressed the button. It wasn't Noah, but Pete. He sounded exhausted, as if he was barely functioning. Kendall could only imagine how much this ordeal was taking out of him. "—so please tell him you'll be there."

"I'm sorry, I missed half of that, Pete," James said. "What's going on?"

Pete sighed heavily. "I'm half asleep, it's probably my fault. He's afraid you won't show up tomorrow."

James frowned. "For the hearing?"

"Right. Can you just promise him you'll be there?"

"Why wouldn't I...? Yeah, put him on. Where is he?"

"He's waiting on the porch, I had to sneak him outside again. He won't stop crying."

And just like that, Kendall got over his worry that the judge wouldn't let him see Noah again. Because in the big picture, his feelings didn't matter. All that did was bringing Noah home and getting him out of that place. The thought of having to live without Noah in his life was still devastating, but he'd survive as long as Noah wasn't crying every night. As long as Noah knew he was loved and wanted and safe.

"Let me go out there," Pete mumbled.

"She did this," James whispered. "I don't know how, but she put this in his head."

"Daddy?" Scared. Desperate. Breath hitching with sobs he was trying to keep quiet.

"Baby, I'm here. I'm here. I love you."

"Will you come tomorrow? To the judge?"

"Yes, baby, it's the most important place I have to be. I set an alarm to wake me up, and I'll be there on time."

"Promise? You won't forget?"

"Never. I would never forget you, nothing matters more than you. I'm gonna do everything I can to bring you home. Promise."

The sobs tapered off some. "Grandma said you would forget. She said you don't care."

"Jesus Christ," Kendall muttered.

James took a few seconds to control his rage before attempting speech. "Grandma is wrong. Grandma lies. I care about you, I love you, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I'm gonna give you the biggest hug. I miss you so much, Noah."

"How come you didn't call today?"

"I couldn't call you, baby, Grandma was home all day. She didn't go anywhere, right?"

"We went to the lawyer." When he said the word, he put the emphasis on "law" in a way that melted Kendall's heart. _LAWyer._

"But nowhere else, right? She was home all day with you?"

"Yeah."

"Grandpa said because she was there, we couldn't talk. She can't find out or he'll get in trouble. You don't want that."

"No."

"I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to get Grandpa in trouble. He's been so nice to let you call me."

"I miss you."

"Oh, baby, I can't even put into words how much I miss you. I want you here with me. Don't listen to anything she says about me, do you understand? If you want the truth, ask me or ask your grandpa. We won't lie to you. But don't ask Grandpa when Grandma's listening. Make sure she's not around."

"Kay."

"I'm gonna see you tomorrow. I promise."

"Kay." The crying seemed to have stopped outside of occasional random sniffles. "Can you tell Kendall something for me?"

Kendall's heart jolted. "Noah? You can tell me yourself. I'm here."

"Kendall?" Excitement filled the word, along with something more difficult to identify. Hope, maybe?

"It's me, buddy. Talk to me."

"I have a present for you."

"A present? For _me_?"

"Yeah! I miss you."

"I miss you, too. So much."

"I took the lion with me to the lawyer. He said I can't bring it to the judge."

"Oh. That's okay, you don't—"

"Grandpa told him no."

That stumped them for a second. They glanced at each other in confusion before Kendall asked, "What do you mean?"

"He said I have to leave it at home. Grandpa said no. Grandma got mad. But Grandpa said I can bring it."

Did that mean Pete was finally fighting back? "Did he? So you're gonna take it with you tomorrow?"

"Yeah! I'll be safe with it."

"That's great, I'm glad to hear it. But Noah, you don't—"

James suddenly smacked his arm, shaking his own head adamantly. Kendall let it go. "Hey, Noah? Remember what your daddy said about Grandma's lies. Don't believe anything she tells you about Daddy, okay? He loves you and wants you to live with him. Don't be scared about that."

"Can you make the judge decide that? With your magic?"

His magic. If this didn't go the way they wanted it to, Noah would never trust him again. Of course, in that case he'd never see Kendall again, so he supposed it didn't really matter. Except to Kendall, it did; he wanted Noah to believe in him, at least as someone who was good and honest. "I'll do everything I can. We've already been working on it and we think the judge will send you home with Daddy. But I can't promise anything."

"Kay." Now the sadness was back. "Grandpa said I have to go back to bed."

James jumped in. "Noah? Baby, I'm gonna be there tomorrow. I promise. And even if the judge says you can't live with me, I'm gonna make sure I still get to visit you. I won't forget you."

"I want to come home."

Kendall held on to James; every time Noah said that, James was tempted to just go out and bring him home. "Tomorrow's the day, baby. Go to sleep now, and when you wake up it'll be the day we get to see each other again. I can't wait to hug you. I love you."

"Bye."

This time there was no goodbye from Pete; the line went dead after Noah's one-word farewell.

"You okay?" Kendall asked.

"You know, surprisingly, I am. I don't feel like crying for once. I feel...hope. No matter what happens, I'm gonna get to hug my kid tomorrow, and he'll know that I don't lie. _And_ that she does. I think that'll make a big difference and he won't be so scared anymore, even if he has to stay there. Because he knows she's a fucking liar."

"I'm constantly amazed at the lengths she goes to in order to try to brainwash him against you."

"I was at first, but then I realized it's the same sort of shit she used to do to Shannon. Shannon was old enough at that point to make her own decisions, though, and she knew it was all lies. Should we tell the judge tomorrow that Sherry pulled this crap tonight?"

Kendall considered the option. "Honestly, I think everything we have in the paperwork we filed is enough. My testimony covers that pretty well, so it's obvious that she fills his head with crap. Why didn't you want me to tell him it's okay to be without the lion? It's probably best he doesn't rely on an object for security."

"Not right now, babe. He's already scared enough, and the one thing that gives him any kind of security is that lion. Or, basically _you_. I'm not taking that away from my son. He needs something to believe in, and right now that's all he has."

Kendall could understand that. "Okay, but what happens when he comes home and I'm not around? Is he still gonna take that thing everywhere?"

"If he wants to, I won't stop him. God knows I get it, wanting to take the security you give me everywhere."

"You don't already?" Kendall asked, curious.

"I do," James nodded. "It's in my head and in my heart. Noah needs something tangible, at least for now. What's the harm?"

"The harm is that he goes to school with it and all the kids tease him. Then school becomes a place that isn't fun or exciting, it's hell."

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, my kid feels safe carrying around a huge lion that reminds him of you. The rest of the world can go fuck itself."

"Spoken like a true Mama Bear," Kendall teased.

They settled into bed again, thoughts far from the place of sexual need they'd been in prior to Noah's phone call. "Just think, babe," Kendall shared. "When you wake up tomorrow, it'll be the day you get to hug Noah."

As predicted, a huge smile lit up James' face. "I think technically it's today, but...your point is taken and appreciated. I hope he doesn't have nightmares."

"I hope _you_ don't have nightmares."

"If I do, I'll just wake you up and you can fuck the fear out of me."

"Is that all I am to you?" Kendall smirked. "A tool to be used when you need it?"

"Nope, you're also the guy who makes the perfect cup of coffee."

"Hmm. I see how it is."

James rolled over so that he was facing Kendall, leaning onto half his body. "Do you? Do you really see how it is when you look in my eyes? I know it's dark and all, but—"

"It's light enough," Kendall assured him. In those hazel eyes, Kendall saw more love than he'd ever thought it possible to exist. He saw trust, and vulnerability, and the promise of protection for a lifetime. "I see how it is," he whispered. "It's all I need."

James pressed their lips together, and Kendall knew he'd be okay.


	49. Chapter 49

A/N—Welcome back to Magic! Here we are, finally at the big day. Not a lot to say about this chapter, but I really hope it makes you smile. Thanks for reading!

* * *

As always, the first stop when morning came was Black Forest. They found Carlos whistling as he poured a tall cup of black coffee.

"Does he always do that when he works?" James whispered.

"Nope," Kendall smirked. "Someone got laid."

"Yes!" James hissed proudly. "On a normal day, I'd be getting a call from Logan to tell me all about it. He probably won't bother me with it today, though, with the hearing and all."

As if he'd summoned him just by speaking the name, Logan appeared from the hall leading to the restroom. James halted and held Kendall back so they could watch the exchange between their friends.

"Just in time," Carlos grinned, passing over the black coffee.

"Thanks." Logan's smile was shy, the tips of his ears pink. "So I'll uh...see you later?"

"I'll be there around 10:30. Annie knows I'm leaving early today."

"Great. Maybe we can get lunch after the hearing."

Carlos' grin widened. "Name the time and place."

"My place?"

"Hell yeah."

An embarrassed giggle erupted from Logan as he lifted the hot coffee to his mouth. "See ya."

He'd already started to turn away when Carlos said, "What, no kiss goodbye?"

"Here? You're working!"

"So? There's always time to lean across the counter for a kiss." When Logan glanced over at Monica and Gina to see if they were watching, Carlos added, "Did I mention Gina has the hots for me?"

That sent Logan's shyness running. He set his coffee on the counter before dragging Carlos closer, leaving anyone who might be watching with no doubt who Carlos belonged to with a deep kiss.

"Damn," Carlos whispered once he could breathe again.

"Now she knows," Logan smirked. He picked up his cup and spun toward the entrance, freezing in place at the sight of James and Kendall staring him down in amusement. "Hey, guys."

"Morning, Logan," Kendall smiled.

"Hi, guys!" was yelled from behind Logan, Carlos not at all concerned with drawing attention. "Kendall, I'll get started on your mocha."

James murmured, "I'm just gonna walk Logan out, and then I'll pay for our coffee."

"Sounds good, babe. And just think, when you're working the coffee is free." Kendall took his place behind the counter, bumping hips with Carlos while reaching for a cup. "Good night, I take it?"

"Better than good. James was right, he totally missed sex. I'm so in love."

"Obviously he feels the same. Since when is Gina into you?"

"She's not," Carlos laughed. "But it got me a goodbye kiss."

Kendall shook his head. "You're evil."

"I'm not! I'm just teaching him it's okay to show affection in public. He was worried about getting me in trouble. He's so cute!"

"I'm glad you're happy. I mean that, Carlos, it's good to see you smile like that. Not that you usually frown, but...you know what I mean."

"I do, and it's all thanks to you guys. If you hadn't fallen for James, none of this would be happening. So...thanks."

"Thank _him_ ," Kendall chuckled. "For being so beautiful I couldn't resist."

They glanced toward the door as James returned with a wink for Kendall, then he got in line at the opposite end of the counter. "How is he?" Carlos asked quietly. "Like...how is he _really_?"

"He's...okay. He's excited to see Noah today. I can tell there are some nerves already at work, but they won't hit him fully until we get to Paul's office."

"Paul's office? You're not going to the courthouse?"

"We're spending an hour with Tracy first, so we can go over what to expect from the judge. Last-minute prep."

"Ah, okay."

"So did Logan end up taking the whole day off?"

"Yep. He decided last night, and I was really proud of him. We just made plans for lunch, but if James needs him that comes first. He wants to be there for James in case things go...you know."

"Yeah. James will appreciate that, no matter how it turns out. Noah called again, in the middle of the night. He was crying and terrified that James would forget about the hearing."

"Wow. I can't even imagine what that kid goes through."

"Well, it doesn't help that his grandmother puts the ideas in his head."

"She did that? She _told_ him that?"

"Yep." Kendall set the can of whipped cream down harder than he meant to, tense just thinking about it.

"You have to get him away from her."

"That's the plan."

"He looks really good, by the way. Professional."

Kendall glanced over at James, who'd taken more care than usual with his appearance. "Doesn't he? It'll be a miracle if I don't rip his clothes off before the hearing. Brings back memories of the fantasies I used to have about him, before we officially met."

"How crazy is it to think that was less than two weeks ago?" Carlos asked. "Remember how you used to interrogate me about him on your late days? 'Was he wearing the coat?' 'Were his bangs down?'"

"Shut up," Kendall laughed, smacking Carlos' shoulder. "I knew he was the one, okay?"

"Right, you just didn't believe you were the one for him." Carlos leaned his elbows on the counter when James stepped up. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the way Kendall used to ask about you every time he wasn't here in the morning?"

Kendall's jaw dropped. "Oh my god, Carlos! Can't I have _some_ secrets?"

"Nope," James grinned. "Tell me more," he said to Carlos.

"Mostly he'd ask about—"

"That's enough," Kendall interrupted. "We have somewhere to be. Babe? Your latte."

"Thanks, love. Carlos, we'll continue this conversation another time. Also? Keep doing what you're doing with Logan. I haven't seen him this relaxed and happy since...ever?"

"Yeah?! So he gave me a good review?"

"I believe his exact words were...'I never knew sex could be like that. Now I understand what you meant about the rapture.'"

"Rapture?" Carlos gasped. "He said _rapture_? I don't even know what that means, but it sounds amazing."

"It is," James nodded. "Trust me. Just don't break his heart. He won't survive it again."

"No way. I was patient before and let him make the moves, but now that I know he wants me? I'm holding on."

James took a sip and let out that sound of satisfaction that never failed to make Kendall proud. "Okay, I can face the day now. We need to go, babe. Got your coffee?"

"I got it. Carlos? See you there. Don't be late."

"I won't, they all know I'm leaving early. I'll be there."

James offered him a grateful smile. "Thank you. I appreciate this more than you know."

"Whatever it takes to get Noah back home."

James nodded again, the first hint of fear that it wouldn't come to pass flitting through his eyes so that Kendall reached out for his hand. James took another sip of coffee before letting Kendall lead him toward whatever fate had in store.

* * *

The first thing fate threw at him upon arrival at the law office was his mother. She stood up from a chair when he and Kendall stepped into the lobby, and Kendall got a good look at the woman who'd given birth to and subsequently failed the love of his life.

Brooke Diamond was tall (some of that given by heels high enough to break an ankle), professional yet feminine in a sophisticated suit made up of a blazer and skirt combo, and her hair and make-up were flawless. More than any of those things, it was her eyes that made her stand out in a crowd—the same shade of hazel as James, and giving off that intense scrutiny Kendall had seen whenever his fiance was sizing someone up. This time the magnetic gaze was set on Kendall, who stood up straighter in an effort to not be bullied by this woman.

"Mom?! What the hell are you doing here?"

Her eyes shifted from Kendall to James and softened a bit. "I'm here to help."

"I thought you were going to the hearing."

"I am. I'm here first, because you need me and you're too proud to ask. You must be Kendall." Her haughty expression morphed into a smile as she held out a hand.

Kendall met the firm grip. "Hi. Thanks for coming." Thinking that perhaps mother and son needed a moment alone, he started, "Babe, I'm gonna go on in and—"

James' hand clutching at his in a panic stopped that train of thought; James needed his strength because Brooke set him off balance.

The receptionist cleared her throat. "Tracy is ready for you now, Mr. Diamond. She's in the conference room."

"Thank you," Kendall nodded. He opened the door leading further into the building and held it for Brooke, but James kept him from following once she'd stepped through.

"You did this," he whispered.

"Babe, Tracy's waiting."

James wasn't to be swayed. "Why? Why would you do this to me?"

"Because you need her. And she needs you. Let her help."

"She doesn't need me."

"Yes, she does. Now go, your mother has no idea where she's going."

It was Kendall who introduced Brooke to Tracy, explaining that she was James' mother and could provide him financial backing. Once they were seated, Brooke expanded on that.

"I've been informed that my son stands to lose Noah because of his lack of employment. I'm here to—"

"Mother, I have a job. Don't make me sound like a failure."

Brooke blinked at him. "A failure? That's not at all what I said. You're simply having a rough patch, we all—"

"I'm happier than I've ever been. Don't call it a rough patch."

Kendall squeezed James' hand in warning. He seemed to be ready to defy every word out of her mouth. "We don't have a lot of time here, we have to leave for court in..." He glanced to Tracy for the answer.

"About an hour," she agreed. "Mrs. Diamond, there is a small chance that the judge will deny James custody due to his financial situation, but we think it'll be okay. He's got a plan in place to provide for Noah in the future, and as long as he sticks to that plan the court should allow him—"

" _Should_ isn't good enough. My son needs a guarantee. I'm here to tell the judge that whatever James might be going through in the job market, Noah will be taken care of. There's no need to worry about money."

Tracy sat back and took a good look at Brooke, seeing the potential in her to help James. "We'll need proof of your assets."

"Whatever you need. I just want my grandson home with his father where he belongs."

James was struggling; his habit was to deny his mother's help at every turn, to make it on his own and show her he didn't need her. The fear of losing Noah was stronger.

Tracy waited for a sign from James. Kendall leaned in to whisper, "Let her do this. Bring Noah home."

"I'm here for you, James," Brooke said softly. "I just want to help. I want to meet my grandson. I...I want my son back in my life. I love you."

The side of James that had mentioned wanting his mommy the night before finally rose to the surface and he fought to maintain his composure. "That's all I ever wanted, Mom. It wasn't about the money, I just wanted my mom."

"Well, she's here now. Many years too late, but she's here and trying to make up for lost time. If it was me and there was a chance I could lose you, I'd do anything to stop that from happening. I'm giving you a guarantee, James. Noah will never want for anything. I'll make sure."

"I want more than that for Noah. He deserves more than what I had. He deserves your love."

"He'll never have a chance to get that if you don't accept my help now. Will you take it? Will you let me be here for you and do my part?"

"Will you actually spend time with him?" James countered. "Put your meetings on hold long enough to visit and be the type of grandmother he needs?"

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

She had a point, and James knew it. Not questioning the idea, Kendall pulled out his phone and called up a photo of Noah to show her. She leaned across James to look, then gasped in surprise. "James! He looks just like you! Oh, when can I meet him? Will he be here today?"

"He'll be there." James licked his lips. "Tracy? What do you need from Mom? Bank statements, that sort of thing?"

"Proof of any income and assets you can give me, Mrs. Diamond."

Still swiping through pictures of Noah but now with her eyes glistening, Brooke answered with a distracted, "It's _Ms._ Get me to a computer and printer and you can have everything you need. Oh, look at him with the dolphin! We should plan a family outing, James! A day at the zoo or an amusement park."

James stared at his mother as if she'd been taken over by aliens. "You hate both of those things."

"But wouldn't it be fun with Noah? Kendall, make this happen."

"I...it's not really my place. I'm sure you two can figure it out." The pain of knowing he'd probably miss out on all of the family adventures was suffocating. When Brooke reached the last of the photos, she handed Kendall his phone back and turned to Tracy. "Lead the way."

Brooke stood to follow Tracy, but Kendall stopped her. "Brooke? I believe you had something for me?"

"Oh! Yes, it's in my..." She opened a large, shiny purse and dug for a folded manila envelope, which was handed over to Kendall. "I expect all of that back."

"I promise. Give me a week."

"We'll be right back," Tracy said to them, and then it was quiet in the room until James spoke in an angry tone.

"She gave you money? Is she already trying to buy your love?"

"No, babe," Kendall smiled. "She gave me what I asked for." He reached into the envelope and pulled out the first photo he touched, lifting it and melting over the sight of eight-year-old James opening a Christmas present. "Look at you," Kendall whispered. "So precious. You really did look like Noah."

James was staring down at the picture in awe. "Oh my god. I remember that. It was a game. A video game that I'd been wanting for months. Where did she...?" Confused, James wrenched the envelope from Kendall and dumped its contents onto the table. A small mountain of photos appeared. "She kept all these?"

"Of course she did," Kendall smiled, reaching for one where James appeared to be three and... "What are you doing here?" he giggled. "Why are you standing like that?"

James slapped Kendall's thigh. "I was dancing! Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not, it's adorable! You've always loved to dance, haven't you?"

"I've always loved music. Wow, this is...it's crazy that I remember these moments. How do I remember so far back?"

"You were happy. I read once that moments of high emotion are never really forgotten. Is this your first bike?"

"Dude, I loved that bike! I called it Blue."

"Fitting, since it _is_ blue," Kendall smirked.

"Shut up, I thought it was cool!" James was laughing, though, as memory after memory returned with each picture. "Oh, that was after I fell off my skateboard. Had to wear that cast for weeks, I hated it."

"But your arm healed nicely, so it was worth it. Is this...oh my god."

"Yep, that's Logan," James grinned. "We've been friends forever."

Kendall unearthed a picture of James with Logan and Shannon next. They were younger than they had been in the photo Logan carried around, and the sight of Shannon killed some of James' joy. He touched the surface, running a finger over her. "I miss her. I'm still mad at her, but I miss her so much."

"You know that she missed you every day of those six years, right? I mean Logan even said she asked about you all the time. And the fact that she checked up on me to make sure I was worthy of you..."

"I wish she'd told me," James sighed. "I wish I'd known she loved me."

"Would it have changed anything?"

"I don't know, maybe. If I'd known that and known about Noah, I could've talked her into running away with me and trying to be a real family. She would've come with me."

Kendall nodded slowly, thinking that was probably true and feeling a little guilty for the relief that it hadn't happened that way.

But James surprised him by stating his thoughts aloud. "I wouldn't have met you, though. As horrible as it sounds, I'm glad I ended up with you. I just wish she didn't have to die for that to happen."

Kendall was ready for it when James snuggled into him. He kissed James' hair and held on tight. "I'm glad, too. You still have those pictures my mom gave you, right?"

"Yeah, I haven't had time to make copies."

"Let's do that tonight. If we have to, we can do it separately and get them back to each other via Carlos."

"Nope. We're gonna go to the drugstore together, you and me _and_ Noah. And he'll be so excited to see pictures of us as kids. That's how it's gonna happen until someone tells me otherwise."

Kendall closed his eyes, praying with everything in him to make that vision a reality.

* * *

By the time they left for the courthouse, there wasn't too much time to spare. Luckily it wasn't far, and they arrived twenty minutes before the hearing was due to start. Paul was of course already there and said he'd meet them at the room as soon as he could, but otherwise Kendall's thoughts were so wrapped up in the impending hearing that the sight of so many friends and family gathered outside the room surprised him.

He stepped off the elevator with James' hand in his, Tracy leading the way as they turned into the hall, and the first person he recognized was his mother. She stood up from a bench she'd been resting on while talking to someone, which Kendall soon realized was Carlos. Logan hovered near him. On another bench across from them sat Lucy and Jett, who had apparently become friends in the short time they'd been in the same room. Brooke suddenly appeared from a door at the end of the hall, and for a moment Kendall was overwhelmed with gratitude for these people who had stopped their lives long enough to come down and support James. Truly, they were blessed.

His mother approached first to envelop Kendall in a hug.

"Mom, you didn't have to come all the way down here. Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I wanted to be here. I know there's nothing I can do to help, but I still wanted to support you and James."

Kendall glanced to his left and saw James being hugged by Jett; not one ounce of jealousy or suspicion formed in his gut. Definitely improvement. "I appreciate it. It's not going to be a big room, though, custody hearings aren't like the trials you see on TV. I don't know if you'll be allowed in."

"Then I'll wait out here. I just want to be in place if you need me."

He hugged her again. "Thank you. I'm glad you came." He stepped back and asked, "Uh, did you meet Brooke?"

"I did," she smiled. "Briefly, she was on a mission to find the bathroom. But when Logan told her I was your mother, she made a point to come introduce herself and informed me that we'd be seeing a lot of each other, so we should become friends."

Kendall's reaction was something between a laugh and roll of his eyes. "Sounds like Brooke. She's very...in your face."

"I saw Carlos and Logan holding hands," his mother whispered. "It's going well?"

"Yep. I'm pretty sure they're officially dating now."

"Oh, I'm so happy! Katie will be, too. She liked Logan."

A hand fell on Kendall's shoulder from behind, then James' voice was in his ear. "I need the bathroom. Nerves are hitting and I feel sick."

"Come on. I think it's this way." Kendall excused himself from his mother after she exchanged a hello with James, then he pulled James down the hall and toward the door he'd seen Brooke come out of. Just past that they spied the men's room, and Kendall pushed James into it.

A welcome silence descended once they were closed inside. He turned to study James, noting the lack of color in the beautiful face he'd fallen in love with. "It's gonna be okay, babe."

Rather than run for a stall, James pressed himself to Kendall and buried his face in the hard chest. "There's so many people here."

"I know. It's a little much all at once."

"I'm thankful for all of them, I just...it's real now. We're here. In less than an hour, I'll know my fate. What if the judge won't let him come home with me?"

"What if the judge does? That's something to think about, hmm?"

"I'm so scared."

"I know." Kendall held James tighter, wishing there was more he could do to reassure James that things would work out. A distraction might help. "Your mom told my mom they needed to be friends now that we're a thing." He was relieved to hear a chuckle break free from James.

"A thing? Is that all we are?"

"No, of course not," Kendall smiled. "We're so much more." He tipped James' chin up for a kiss. "And no matter what happens today, we're gonna remain that. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sure as hell not either. The way you kissed me just now? Perfect."

"Yeah? Our lips barely touched."

"It was enough. Calmed me down by a million degrees. Do it again."

Kendall obliged. The second kiss was longer, but just as gentle. "Better?"

James let out a deep breath. "Yes. I'm still scared, but...yes."

"I'm glad. Need to hurl?"

"No, I'm good now. Thank you, love. I think I can face everyone now."

"Okay. When I get nervous I have to pee, so..."

"Right. See you out there."

"I won't be long."

Kendall held his smile until the door closed behind James, then he deflated. James wasn't the only scared one.

He took care of business and drew out the act of washing his hands to give himself time to mentally prepare. The mirror assured him that he was presentable; even though the judge wouldn't be speaking to him directly (as far as Kendall knew, anyway), he was sure to be the subject of scrutiny and wanted to appear as upstanding a citizen as possible.

Finally he opened the door and the babble of voices returned, echoing in the hall outside various courtrooms. He thought he heard Paul, and that had to be Lucy's loud laugh carrying this far.

She probably _had_ been good for Shannon.

A sudden shriek overpowered every other sound. "Daddy!"

Kendall's heart jumped. He knew that voice. A longing like he'd never known rose to the surface, the need to see Noah so strong he almost went running.

 _Almost._ Because this moment belonged to James. Kendall stepped out just far enough to watch the reunion between father and son. At the far end of the hall stood an older man and woman, presumably Pete and Sherry, and another man that was probably their attorney. Noah was breaking free from Pete's hold on him. The over-sized lion was dragged along as Noah ran toward James, who dropped to his knees with arms open wide just as Noah flung himself into the embrace.

Tears sprang to Kendall's eyes. He watched James hug Noah tight enough to practically break his little body; Noah showed no sign of complaint. The lion now laid on its side next to them.

"Daddy, you came! You came! I knew you would!"

"I'm here, baby. I love you so much."

James was barely audible from down the hall, but it was enough for Kendall to know that he was close to a breakdown. Still Kendall held back, not wanting to intrude on their joy.

"I missed you so much, Daddy!"

"I missed you too, baby." James composed himself enough to sit back on his heels. He studied Noah, hands brushing the boy's blond hair back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah! You came! Are you gonna take me home?"

"I sure hope so, Noah."

Unable to help himself, James hugged his son again. Everyone else had gone silent to watch the reunion. Kendall's gaze roamed over them all, seeing the bittersweet joy until it fell onto the woman scowling at James.

 _Sherry._

"Noah, come along. You're going to wait in here until after the hearing."

A door near the room's entrance was being held open by someone inside it.

"I don't want to leave Daddy!"

"Noah! Right now! They're waiting for you!"

"It's okay," James told him. "You'll be safe in there. Take your lion."

Noah reached down to pick it up. "Will I see you when it's over?"

"Yes. Kendall promised me that. We can talk after, no matter what happens."

"Is Kendall here? Did he come?"

"Noah!" Sherry yelled, patience gone. _"Now."_

Noah apparently knew that tone well enough to not risk defying it. He hung his head and turned away from James.

"I love you," James managed before Noah disappeared. "Don't forget."


	50. Chapter 50

A/N—Sorry guys, another long chapter. But the next section is long too and there was no good place to break it, so here you go. Part 2 of the hearing. Next chapter will be up sometime next week and it will be Part 3, and in that I think you get the judge's decision? I'm pretty sure. There's still a ways to go. Also just letting you know that I've never been to a child custody hearing myself so this is probably not accurate to how they actually work. I'm basing this off of what I researched, what friends have gone through in these situations, and of course movies and books haha.

Thank you as always for reading this!

* * *

Though Brooke moved toward her son once Noah and his grandparents were gone, it was Kendall who reached him first. He pulled James up and into his arms, ready for the breakdown when it came.

"It's okay," Kendall soothed. "He's okay."

"He was so happy to see me," James sniffed. "He still loves me even if he won't say it."

"I know he does. You did good, babe."

"I hate her. Did you hear how she talked to him? I fucking _hate_ her!"

"Shh. You need to get it together. We're gonna be in front of the judge in a matter of minutes, and you need to be strong for Noah."

"Yeah. Okay. You're right." James allowed himself ten more seconds of Kendall's security before stepping away, and when he did Tracy held out a small package of tissues. A reluctant smile appeared. "You're a lifesaver," James told her while digging one out.

"It's what I'm here for. I'll be out in the hall during the hearing, but let me know if you need anything. You good?"

"Yeah," James nodded, clearing his throat. "I just...seeing him again...I miss him so much."

Paul settled an arm across James' shoulders. "You'll see him again after today. I can promise you that."

"Better than nothing, I guess."

Kendall could tell that James was embarrassed that everyone had witnessed the emotional scene. He kept his eyes down, not ready to face them all just yet.

Luckily, he didn't have to. The door swung open and a bailiff called out the case number and parties involved.

It was time.

* * *

The room turned out to be just big enough for everyone to squeeze in, containing two rows of benches behind each party's table. James tried to pull Kendall up to sit with him and Paul, but Kendall shook his head. "I'm not part of your legal team."

"You work for them, so it counts."

"I don't yet, and even if I did I couldn't work on this case. Conflict of interest."

"So what?!" James hissed. "I need you up here with me!"

"I'll be right here behind you," Kendall promised, sliding onto the bench so that he was directly behind James and within reach. He rested a hand on James' shoulder. "You're not alone. I'm here, babe."

It was the best James was going to get. He sighed, not happy with the compromise, but accepting that it had to be that way. Jennifer seated herself to Kendall's left, and Brooke to his right. On the bench behind them sat Lucy, Jett, Logan, and Carlos. Kendall noticed when he glanced over that no one sat behind the Carters; not one person had come in support.

Just as that thought flitted through Kendall's mind, a man entered the room from the back and took a seat behind Sherry. He touched her shoulder and she turned to greet him, offering a rare smile. Was there family that they didn't know about involved in Noah's life?

"That's him!" Jett whispered loudly. "That's the guy who was asking me about James!"

Everyone turned to stare at the blond man, who must be the detective they'd hired. He didn't look familiar to Kendall, but then again it was his job to blend in. "Babe, have you seen him before?"

"Not that I remember. Carlos?"

"Nope. He must be good at his job because I never saw him."

No one had noticed the other man who'd slipped into the room, all their focus on the detective, but when a distinctive voice spoke from Jennifer's left they turned toward it. "I remember him. Got not a word out of me other than 'Sir, you'll have to leave now.'"

James gasped. "Harvey!" He shot out of the chair and bent across the barrier for a half-hug. Jennifer leaned back to make room for it. "Thank you for coming! I know it's not easy to get out of work."

"I protect the residents of The Pembroke, which I consider Noah to be. This is part of my job, Mr. Diamond."

Harvey looked as professional as ever in his doorman's uniform and hat, and Kendall was glad to have him on their side. He motioned for Brooke and his mother to scoot down in order to make room for Harvey on the bench, but that took him away from James. "Hang on." He and his mother switched seats, allowing him to take his place behind James again.

Once everyone was settled and Paul was going over last-minute notes with James, Harvey whispered to Kendall. "How is he?"

"He's okay. He'll be better once this is over."

"I imagine the stress is eating away at him."

"It is," Kendall agreed.

"And Noah? Have you seen him?"

"We saw him briefly when they arrived. He looks fine, well-taken care of. Just...not happy."

"Well, of course not, a boy needs his father. Ah, Ms. Diamond! So nice to see you again."

"Hello, Harvey," she nodded. "You're looking dapper as ever."

Kendall was shocked to see the man blush; he'd never seen Harvey lose his composure before. "And you as regal, my lady. We've not seen you at The Pembroke in some time."

"That's going to change."

Kendall hoped so, even if James didn't win this hearing. "Harvey, this is my mother. Jennifer. Mom, Harvey's the doorman at The Pembroke."

Her face brightened. "Oh, a pleasure to meet you. It's nice of you to come out and support James."

"He's part of the defense," Kendall explained.

"I'm happy to do my part. Will we be seeing you at The Pembroke, as well?"

"You will," Jennifer smiled. "I've been promised one dinner a month, courtesy of James."

"You're in for a treat. Mr. Diamond always cooks a little extra for me around the holidays. Don't tell my mother, but he's a better chef than she is!"

Kendall could believe it. He grinned, proud of James' talents, and reached forward to lay a hand on James' shoulder again. James' own hand came up immediately to cover Kendall's even as he listened intently to whatever Paul was saying.

"All rise!"

Kendall's breath cut off. For some reason he hadn't expected the formal announcement of the judge's presence in such a casual setting. As the judge entered the room clad in the traditional black robe and the bailiff called out the parties, it felt more real to Kendall that in the next thirty minutes or so he might be losing any chance to set eyes on Noah outside of video or pictures.

He noticed that James' hands were shaking and waited until they'd sat down again to offer what he could. James reached up to squeeze his hand while Kendall whispered, "I love you. I'm here."

James' fixed his posture to sit up straight. He was ready to face the judge.

* * *

Everyone in the room was sworn in as a group to tell the truth. The judge went through the basics of the case, explaining that they were there to decide which household would be best for Noah, and that if neither proved to be satisfactory a foster home would be his fate.

That was an option they hadn't explored; Kendall's heart sank. James looked back at him in panic, expression silently screaming "What?! You didn't tell me that could happen!"

"It's okay," Kendall mouthed, even though he couldn't say that with certainty. He motioned with his head for James to face forward again.

"Before we get started," the judge continued, "does either party have anything new to submit in support of their argument?"

Paul hesitated long enough to let Sherry's attorney reply first. The man remained quiet, so Paul spoke up. "Mr. Diamond would like to submit proof of full-time employment and supplemental financial backing provided by Noah's paternal grandmother, Brooke Diamond. She has pledged to provide Noah with any material need that cannot be maintained by James himself." Paul held out a thin stack of paperwork. The bailiff stepped forward to carry that from him to the judge.

After skimming the documents, the judge raised his head. "Is Mrs. Diamond present?"

Brooke stood from the bench. "Yes, Your Honor, and it's _Ms._ My grandson shall never want for anything of a material nature. Food, clothing, school supplies, health care...I may not be the most affectionate mother, but what I do excel in is providing monetarily. Noah will be taken care of."

The judge studied her. "And should Noah's other grandparents be granted custody? Would that still be the case?"

"Pardon?"

"If I award the Carters custody, would you still be willing to cover any costs for Noah that Mr. Diamond cannot?"

"Absolutely. Noah is still my grandson, no matter where he lives."

"Thank you, Ms. Diamond." He waited for her to take her seat before continuing. "What matters today is Noah's happiness and welfare. I've looked over all of the paperwork submitted and I have questions for each party. Serious accusations were made on both sides, and I don't take any of them lightly. Before we discuss those, I'd like to bring Noah in for identification purposes."

"What's that?" Kendall heard James whisper. He thought he knew the answer, but stayed quiet in case he was wrong. Paul said something under his breath to James, who looked back at Kendall in fear.

Noah was led by one hand into the courtroom (the other clutching the lion he kept close to his body), appearing to be more terrified than James due to the attention from all directions. The bailiff directed him to stand at the side of the judge's podium and face everyone else. "Hello, Noah," the judge smiled.

Noah said nothing, his hands wringing together in the classic gesture Kendall had come to know. He ached to reassure Noah.

"I know this is scary for you," the judge continued. "A lot of people looking at you. But they should be people you know, right?"

As Noah wasn't looking up from the floor, he couldn't give an answer and only shrugged.

"We won't draw this out, I know it's difficult for you. Is Mr. Stetson present?"

Surprised, Jett stood up and cleared his throat. "Yes, sir."

"Noah? Can you tell me who that is?"

 _Oh shit._ It hit Kendall just as Noah looked up that he'd last known Jett to be an enemy. Sure enough, a scowl formed as Noah's face pinched in dislike, then he looked away.

"Go on, Noah," the judge prompted.

"He's...mean."

Jett's face fell at the same time James' did.

"Mean?" the judge echoed.

"He was mean to Harvey. And Kendall."

"How do you know him, Noah? Is he a friend of your father's?"

"No. Daddy didn't want to see him."

"Where was this? At the apartment?"

"Outside."

The judge looked more closely at Noah. "Was he ever inside the apartment? With Daddy?"

Noah shook his head. "Harvey said no."

"You may be seated, Mr. Stetson. Uh...Mr. Morgan?"

Harvey stood up next. "Yes, Your Honor?"

"You are the doorman at The Pembroke Luxury Apartments?"

"Yes, sir."

"Was there an altercation with Mr. Stetson?"

"Only once, sir, and Noah was present. Mr. Diamond had instructed me to not allow anyone up to his apartment, and Mr. Stetson did not want to believe he was being turned away. So there was an argument."

"What was the outcome of that argument?"

"I called Mr. Diamond and he confirmed that Mr. Stetson was not allowed up. Mr. Stetson left after that."

"At any time during Noah's stay at The Pembroke, was Mr. Stetson allowed up to the apartment?"

"I can't speak for what occurred overnight, Your Honor, but I do know that the rule stayed in place the entire time Noah was living with Mr. Diamond. Every single visitor outside of Mr. Knight was to be turned away unless Mr. Diamond said otherwise."

"That would be Kendall Knight?"

"Yes, sir."

"And you were never instructed to allow Mr. Stetson in?"

"Not once Noah arrived, no."

"Thank you, Mr. Morgan. Mr. Mitchell?" Once Logan had risen, the judge tried to get Noah's attention again. The boy was still staring at the floor. "Can you tell me who that is?"

Probably afraid it would be another person he didn't like, Noah responded slowly. Then the corners of his mouth turned up. "That's Uncle Logan!"

"Uncle Logan," the judge mused. "He's a friend of your father's?"

"Yeah. Kendall said they've been friends forever."

"And did you spend a lot of time with Uncle Logan?"

"He helped me make the universe in my room. There's stars and planets and a big sun!"

"Was he there late at night?"

Noah thought that over. "We had pizza for dinner. He went home after that."

"So it was only one time that you remember Uncle Logan being there?"

"Yeah. He was supposed to go with us to the space museum but then I had to go live with Grandma."

"Thank you, Mr. Mitchell. Mr. Garcia, are you here?"

Carlos and Logan traded positions. "Yes."

"Noah, who is that?"

"Uncle Carlos! He lives with Daddy now!"

"So he does. Did he live there when you did?"

"No, he moved in Sunday. I wanted to help but Grandma said no."

"But he was at the apartment a lot?"

"He came when Uncle Logan did. We did our pizzas together. Uncle Carlos likes onions on his pizza." His nose scrunched up in disgust, causing the judge to chuckle.

"So do I. Did Uncle Carlos ever stay the night when you lived there?"

"I don't think so. I went to bed."

"And Uncle Carlos was still there?"

"Yeah. Uncle Logan left."

"And where was Kendall?"

"Maybe at the cabin?"

"The...cabin?"

"He means Black Forest, Your Honor," Carlos answered. "Where Kendall and I work. It looks like a cabin on the inside."

"Yes, I've been there a few times myself. Mr. Knight makes a fantastic latte."

Kendall's eyes widened. James blurted, "Right?!"

"Thank you, Mr. Garcia. You may be seated. We're almost done, Noah. Miss Stone, would you rise, please?"

Lucy did, looking nervous under her normally-tough exterior.

"Noah, do you know this young lady?"

"That's Lucy!"

"Hey, short man," Lucy grinned.

"And who is Lucy?" the judge prompted.

"She's Mommy's friend! She came over when Grandma..." he trailed off upon realizing that he might get Lucy in trouble with his grandmother.

"It's okay, Noah. You can tell me anything."

Noah glanced up at the judge and murmured so softly that Kendall almost couldn't hear, "I don't want Grandma to get mad."

"Are you trying to say that Lucy was there only when Grandma was gone? Because Grandma couldn't know?"

A fast nod was the reply.

"Thank you, Noah. Miss Stone, you may be seated. Mr. Anderson, you can return Noah to my chambers to wait."

Kendall let out a breath, having been worried about what Noah might say if asked to explain their relationship. The last thing they needed was for him to tell a judge that Kendall had pretended to be a wizard. He leaned forward to say something to James, shocked by a shriek like the one Noah had issued upon seeing his father.

"Kendall!"

Before the bailiff could respond, Noah was tearing across the room toward him. It occurred to Kendall then that Noah probably hadn't been able to see him behind James, but when he'd moved Noah had spotted him.

"Noah!" Sherry yelled in warning.

He ignored her. The lion was abandoned in front of the judge, and soon Noah was climbing past Harvey to get to Kendall, who knew it was inappropriate behavior in a courtroom but then Noah was in his arms and Kendall could do nothing else except hug him tight. "Hi, baby," he whispered. "I miss you."

"Kendall, I knew you'd come! I knew you'd save me!"

Out of the corner of his eye Kendall saw the bailiff start to move; the judge laid a hand on his arm to hold him back, watching the interaction closely.

"I'm here, buddy. It's good to see you."

"The lion's been keeping me safe!"

"I'm so glad."

James was turned around in his seat watching with a soft smile while everyone else looked on. "Baby, you need to go back out and wait for us. Kendall will still be here."

"Wait, I have to give you your present now! Grandma said the judge won't let me see you anymore. I'm sorry, she asked me about you and I didn't want to lie. You said to always tell the truth."

"I did," Kendall nodded. "It's okay." But Sherry had finally said something that might come true. Knowing that, and that this could be his last opportunity to speak to the boy, Kendall allowed Noah to fish in his pocket until he pulled out a silver band with a piece of sparkly green plastic inserted into it. The cheap paint was already peeling off the bendable ring. "See, it's green! Our favorite color!"

"I do see that. Where did you get this?"

"Grandpa let me get it at the store. I had to hide it from Grandma but it's for you. Wear it so you don't forget about me."

Kendall's breath caught. "Noah, I don't need a ring to remember you. I'm never gonna forget you."

"She said you will. Please wear it!"

Noah looked as if he'd cry if Kendall didn't. He slipped the gaudy plastic around his pinky finger and nodded. "There. Now I take you with me everywhere."

"And I have the lion!"

"Thank you, baby." Kendall hugged Noah to him. He felt the eyes of the judge on them and kept it brief before kissing the top of Noah's head and gently setting him on his feet. "It's time to go back and wait. We'll be done soon."

"Are you using magic?" Noah whispered.

"Working on it."

The bailiff approached then, and this time Noah went without complaint. He looked back at Kendall once, then at James, and bent to pick up the lion along the way. The room felt empty after Noah left.

Kendall sighed, his gaze falling to the ring that was already too tight around his pinky. For Noah, he'd suffer.

* * *

"Let's move on to the accusations."

It was as if the whirlwind that was Noah hadn't just blown from the room. He'd come in terrified and afraid to look at anyone, but when he left he was practically skipping. Hopefully the judge would take into consideration how happy the people in James' life made the boy.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carter, I'll start with you. You claim that Mr. Diamond practices his...art, shall we say...in his home with Noah present. I've seen no evidence of that, and Noah's testimony from a few moments ago underscores to me that Mr. Garcia, Mr. Mitchell, and Mr. Stetson have not engaged in any inappropriate conduct with Mr. Diamond in his presence. Have you further evidence?"

The attorney said, "Your Honor, Mr. Stetson clearly stated to our private detective that Mr. Diamond conducts his business in the home."

"Mr. Stetson has recanted that," the judge explained. Kendall looked over in time to see Sherry glare at Jett. "And even so, it was never insinuated that Mr. Diamond performs these tasks in his own home. Only that he works on a private basis. I'm satisfied that Noah has not been exposed to such behavior, either with friends of Mr. Diamond's or with clients."

Kendall's shoulders dropped in relief. That was one win for James.

"Mr. Diamond, you are no longer employed as a dancer?"

"No, sir. I quit yesterday. The truth is I want to set a good example for Noah, and having a job he can be proud of is part of that."

"This includes any private work you would have been doing outside the club?"

"Yes, sir. I'm done dancing."

"Then it's no longer a problem. Moving on to the next issue, which is Mr. Diamond's alleged drug use. Mr. Nelson, I assume?"

The detective stood. "Yes, Your Honor."

"What exactly did you witness in regards to Mr. Diamond's use of illegal substances?"

"Sir?"

"Did you not understand the question?"

"No, sir, I just...maybe I _don't_ understand the question."

"I'm asking when and how you observed Mr. Diamond using illegal substances."

"I didn't."

The judge raised an eyebrow. "Then why does it state in the paperwork filed that your report to the Carters included at least one instance of drug use?"

"Sir, forgive me, but my report stated the opposite. I was very clear on that. I saw and heard no evidence at all that Mr. Diamond uses drugs. Mr. Stetson in fact informed me that Mr. Diamond avoids them due to his history of abuse as a teenager."

James glanced back to meet Kendall's eyes, both realizing at the same time what this meant. "Holy shit," Kendall whispered. Sherry _lied._

The judge stared at Pete and Sherry. "The documents submitted to me tell a different story. Mr. and Mrs. Carter, what evidence do you have that Mr. Diamond abuses drugs?"

"He was in rehab off and on for almost a year," Sherry answered.

"And when was this? Recently?"

"In high school, but I'm sure he still does it. You don't just get over drug addiction."

The judge raised a brow. "Actually, Mrs. Carter, many people 'get over' drug addiction. It's a constant struggle on a daily basis, but there is a high success rate when someone is motivated to stay away from substances. Mr. Diamond, you are under oath. Have you partaken of any illegal or even prescribed substances recently?"

"No, sir. Not unless you count the glass of wine I drink while preparing dinner most nights. But I'll stop that, too, if I can have Noah back. Whatever it takes."

Sherry rolled her eyes. "You can't take his word for it, Your Honor! He'll say anything he has to just to win!"

"Luckily for him, he has paperwork to back up his statement. Three years of proven sobriety provided to the court from his last place of employment. This is a court of law, Mrs. Carter. We rely on facts, not supposition."

" _Zing!"_

Kendall recognized Carlos' whisper before Logan shushed him. He had to bite down on his lip to keep from snickering but did squeeze James' shoulder. So far, things were going the way Paul had predicted.

"Mr. Diamond."

James sat up straighter.

"You knew nothing of your son's existence until the recent death of his mother. Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"And it was Mr. Gardenas who informed you of Miss Carter's wishes that Noah be placed in your custody?"

"Yes."

"Were you in contact at all with Miss Carter before her death?"

"No, sir, I hadn't seen or spoken to her since graduation."

"How did you come by this letter from her?"

"What letter?" Sherry demanded. Her attorney shushed her as Logan had done to Carlos, then the judge prompted James to answer.

"Uh...Lucy showed up at my apartment and said Shannon wanted her to give it to me. If she...passed away." James' voice faltered for a second, as it usually did when he was discussing Shannon's death.

"Miss Stone?"

Lucy rose again.

"Is that an accurate statement? Miss Carter entrusted you with a letter to pass on to Mr. Diamond upon her death?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did she discuss the contents of the letter with you?"

"Uh, no. It was sealed when she gave it to me. I never opened it. All she said was that if something happened to her, she wanted James to have it."

"Thank you, Miss Stone." The judge handed the letter to his bailiff and instructed him to take it to Shannon's parents. They were given a moment to look it over before the judge asked, "Have either of you seen this before?"

Pete quietly answered, "No, sir," in a choked voice. Sherry, on the other hand, showed only outrage. "Where did this come from?! My daughter didn't write this!"

"No?" the judge asked. "Is it her handwriting?"

"No!" Sherry yelled.

Noting that Pete said nothing and was blinking rapidly, the judge tried again. "Mr. Carter. Is that your daughter's handwriting?" When he hesitated, the judge reminded him that he was under oath.

"Yes, sir," Pete finally replied. "It's...her."

Sherry gasped. "It's a lie! He faked it! My husband is confused, her death hit him hard and he doesn't know what he's saying!"

"Jesus," Kendall whispered, amazed at the lengths this woman would go to. Now she was attacking her own husband?

"Mr. Carter? You said it _is_ from her?"

"Yes. Sherry, it's her writing and you know it," Pete stated. He looked up at the judge and said again, "It's her. Shannon wrote that."

Sherry tried another tack. "She was on drugs! Whatever she said in there, it was all twisted in her head because of the drugs! She—"

"Mrs. Carter, I'm not asking you. I'm asking your husband. Thank you, Mr. Carter." The bailiff returned the document to the judge. "I won't spend a lot of time discussing Miss Carter, as I can see it's a painful subject and she doesn't have much bearing on Noah's future well-being. But in this letter, she states that Noah was made to believe that his father hates him and is...I believe the word was 'evil'?" He glanced down at the paperwork before nodding. "Yes, that was it. Mr. Carter, did you at any time witness your wife teaching your grandson that his father is evil? Or that he wants nothing to do with his son?"

Pete licked his lips, and Kendall was surprised to feel pity for the man. He could only imagine what it was like to live with a woman as impossible as Sherry. "The truth, Your Honor, is that I never personally witnessed that. I work full-time and am only home in the evenings during the week."

"I see. And over the weekend? Nothing of that nature?"

"No, sir. Weekends are Noah's time off from learning, for the most part."

 _Learning._ Kendall caught what Pete was saying obliquely, that it was through "learning" with Sherry that he would've been taught those things about James.

"Mrs. Carter? Do you believe Mr. Diamond is evil?"

For once, Sherry was in no hurry to be heard. James leaned across Paul to watch her answer this one.

"Your Honor, my daughter's judgment was affected by the drugs she was taking. You can't believe anything she might've said in that letter."

"Mrs. Carter, I'm not asking about your daughter. Please answer the question. Do you believe Mr. Diamond is evil?"

"He's been corrupted by sin," she finally said. "I don't want my grandson growing up in the presence of so much sin. I just want to keep him safe."

The judge nodded once. "Mr. Carter?"

"Yes, Your Honor?"

"Do you share your wife's belief? Is Noah in danger when he's with his father?"

Pete swallowed hard.

"I need an answer, Mr. Carter."

"No. I've heard nothing that makes me think James is a danger to Noah."

The judge made a note on his paperwork. "Mr. Diamond has stated that when Noah was living with him, he was allowed to speak to you both daily?"

"Yes, sir," Pete agreed. "He'd call us."

"Is it also true that since Noah has been back in your home, he's had to sneak phone calls in secret to his father because your wife would not allow him to speak to Mr. Diamond?"

Sherry's jaw dropped. Rather than the anger Kendall would've expected, it was hurt and betrayal that showed on her face as she looked at her husband.

"That's..." Pete cleared his throat. "Yes, Your Honor. That's true."

"Why do you allow your grandson to call his father?"

"Because he loves his dad. He misses him."

"Was Noah happy in your home? Before he met his father?"

"I always thought he was. When he would call us from James' place, though, I realized...I guess he wasn't."

"What did he tell you in those phone calls, Mr. Carter?"

"Usually about what he'd done that day. There was a trip to the zoo. I heard a lot about corn dogs and tacos."

It wasn't only Pete who smiled remembering that; James' face boasted a huge grin.

Pete continued, "He would tell me about the yummy hot chocolate from 'the cabin.' And I heard about an upcoming trip to the space museum that he couldn't wait for. I think he was most excited about school, though. He told me about his teacher and some collage he worked on, and his new friend that likes rockets. There was a lot more, he wouldn't stop gushing about school. Oh, and he told me about getting his shots."

"Shots?" the judge echoed.

"For school, Your Honor," James explained. "They required him to get vaccinations."

"Of course. Mrs. Carter, why didn't you enroll him in school?"

"He's home-schooled."

"And did you register him for that through a private school or public independent study?"

"He doesn't need any of that, Your Honor. I'll teach him everything he needs to know."

"He _does_ need that, Mrs. Carter, and the law in fact requires it." The judge made another notation, then turned to James. "Mr. Diamond, I see you are very recently employed at Black Forest Coffee."

"Uh, yes sir."

"Do you have plans other than that for your future?"

"Sir?" James questioned, unsure what the judge was asking.

"Do you intend to work there for the rest of your life?"

"Oh! No, Your Honor. That's just for now, so I have some way to provide for Noah. My goal is to become a chef. I'm hoping to take classes online toward a degree and then find a better job that pays more."

"Why a chef?"

James shrugged. "Because I love to cook."

Kendall wasn't sure where the judge had been going with those questions, but James apparently gave the right answer; the judge nodded with a smile. "And Mrs...forgive me. _Ms_. Diamond. You'll be funding his education?"

"Absolutely, Your Honor. Anywhere James wants to go. His schooling won't take away from Noah's needs."

"You mentioned online, Mr. Diamond?"

"Yes, sir. That way I can be home more to take care of my son. I figured I'd do most of my studying after he's in bed."

"I see here that you've moved Mr. Garcia into your home to look after Noah while you work."

"Yes, sir."

"You both work at the same establishment, don't you?"

"Yes. Originally I was working nights as a dancer, so our shifts would never conflict with each other."

"Because I see no references or official experience listed for Mr. Garcia in the childcare profession, I would require you to find outside childcare, preferably state-licensed. That can be expensive. Ms. Diamond?"

"Covered!"

More notes on the paperwork. Kendall's chest tightened; it was beginning to look like James was going to win this but he didn't want to believe it just yet.

"Mr. Morgan? Everything you've testified to regarding The Pembroke's policies is accurate?"

"Yes, Your Honor, but you may of course contact my supervisor to confirm."

One more notation. "Mr. Diamond. You've offered for Noah to stay with his grandparents for one weekend a month."

"Yes, sir."

"Why?"

"Why?" James echoed.

"Why? It's clear that his grandmother detests you and will continue to turn him against you, at least as far as you're concerned. Why would you send him back there?"

Suddenly doubting every shred of confidence he'd gained in himself as a father, James stuttered. "Um. Well, I...he..." Kendall steadied him with a shoulder squeeze, and he took a deep breath before stating, "Because he loves his grandfather and enjoys spending time with him. Pete deserves that. And deep down, I know that Sherry loves him, too. I hate her, she's made my life hell from the time I was fifteen. But Noah does love her, and even though I think she's a monster, she's motivated by love and the need to protect her family. Which I understand. Also, that's the house he grew up in and all of his memories of Shannon are there. I don't want him to forget her."

James' voice was strong until the last sentence. The judge gave him a second to compose himself before announcing, "We're going to take a break while I go talk to Noah. I'd say no more than fifteen minutes, so don't go far. I'll ask you all to stay in case I have further questions." He started to stand, then looked more closely at Jennifer. "Except...I'm not sure who you are."

"Oh, I'm Kendall's mother. I'm just here for support."

"I see. And have you met Noah?"

"No, sir, but I sure hope to one day."

He nodded. "You're free to leave if you'd like, and actually, Mr. Nelson, I won't be needing you. Thank you for your time. Everyone else? Fifteen minutes."

No one moved until the judge had entered his chambers. James deflated, his shoulders dropping while he rubbed a hand over his face. "Oh my god, this is gonna kill me," he mumbled. "This is too much stress."

Kendall had rushed around to the front of the table. James escaped it and moved to Kendall, who enfolded him in tightly. "You're doing great, babe."

"Am I? I mean..." James turned to Paul. " _Are_ we?"

Paul smiled. "We are. The judge will talk to Noah now, which is what we wanted. Noah's going to tell him he wants to live with you, right?"

"He is," Kendall nodded. "No question. Babe, we're almost there. Sherry buried herself."

They turned as one to look across the room at Sherry, who was currently berating her husband for "betraying" her. "Man, poor Pete," James sighed. "I feel so sorry for that guy."

"But he was honest," Kendall pointed out. "He said as much as he could without directly putting her under the bus."

"Did I say the wrong thing at the end?" James worried. "When he asked why I would give them visitation?"

Kendall shook his head. "No, babe. That was perfect. And now the judge knows you have a plan for the future, that you've thought it all out and aren't just winging it. Plus with your mom's help..."

"Mom," James murmured. He broke away from Kendall and looked around until he spotted her. "Mom!"

She'd been conversing with Jennifer and turned when James hailed her. "Yes?"

James shocked her by jogging around the barrier to scoop her into a hug. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve all of this after the way I treated you, but—"

"Oh, stop it. I pushed you away first, and none of that matters now. You're going to win this and I'll spend time with my boys, and you'll get a degree and everything will work out. Jennifer invited me to family dinner with you and Kendall."

"And hopefully Noah. But really, Mom, thank you for being here."

"Thank Kendall," she smiled. "You chose well with that one."

"I know!" James twisted away to watch Kendall talking with Paul. "I still can't believe he loves me!" A particularly loud yell from Sherry made James cringe. "Why is she so hateful?"

Kendall caught his eye and motioned toward Pete. James nodded. "Excuse me, Mom. We're gonna go rescue him."

He followed as Kendall approached the small group and brazenly interrupted. "Pete? Hi, I'm Kendall. I just wanted to thank you for being so great with Noah."

After a quick glance at Sherry, Pete moved away to join Kendall and James. "Hello. I'm sorry about her, she's...she just..."

"I understand," James agreed. "And I'm sorry that we're taking Noah away, but I want him to be happy and—"

"Don't apologize, James. He's your son, you deserve the chance to raise him. I'll deal with her. She's upset and lashing out right now, but once that passes she'll be crying and wondering why this happened. I know you never see that side of her. She's just afraid to lose her last link to Shannon."

"She's not gonna lose him," James promised. "I'll make sure he gets time with you guys. His school is having open house next week. Or...God, is it this week, babe?"

"This week," Kendall confirmed. "Thursday night. I'm sure he'd love for you to be there."

"He invited me last week," Pete chuckled. "I didn't want to give him an answer either way, because once you promise him something you can't break it."

Kendall had learned that, too. "Well, if he comes home with James, you can promise him that."

" _Peter."_

Pete tensed before turning back to Sherry.

"Come with me, we're running out of time."

He nodded. "See you boys."

James asked Kendall, "Do I have enough time to pee?"

"If we hurry. Come on."

The moment they were out of the courtroom, James stopped Kendall and kissed him hard. "What was that for?" Kendall breathed.

"Because you're still wearing that stupid ring even though I'm sure it's cutting off your circulation."

"I'll take it off after I say goodbye to Noah."

"The fact that he means that much to you...nobody deserves to be his dad more than you."

"You do," Kendall argued.

"Well, that's a given. Come on, we're down to five minutes!"

Kendall grinned as James raced toward the bathroom. Neither of them wanted to jinx it by putting it into words, but they sensed victory was close at hand.


	51. Chapter 51

A/N—Finally back with the next chapter! Thanks for your patience, it's been a hectic week. Apologies in advance for the way this chapter cuts off so abruptly, but there was no good place to end so I chose here. The next chapter will pick up directly where this one cuts off, back to the present moment in the courtroom (that will make sense after you read this haha). As always I thank you for reading (and reviewing, if you do that). You guys are the best! :)

* * *

Everyone was back in place with a minute to spare. The bailiff opened the side door and Noah ran through it, which was the last thing Kendall expected. He made a beeline for James, the lion nowhere to be found.

"The judge said I could wait with you!"

"He...did?" James watched as Noah climbed up onto the empty chair to his left before twisting back to look at everyone seated behind them. James whispered to Kendall, "Does this mean I won?"

"Not sure," Kendall answered. He was about to add more when the bailiff called out his name.

"Kendall Knight. The judge is requesting you in chambers."

"Me?" Kendall's heart went into overdrive. His legs were shaky as he stood. What the _hell_?

Jennifer turned sideways for Kendall to squeeze by. "It's gonna be okay," she whispered as he passed.

James' sad eyes followed his progress. James feared the same thing he did: the judge was going to explain why it was best he didn't visit Noah anymore.

Noah waved. "Hi, Kendall!"

"Hey, buddy." The smile he offered wasn't fake. "We're almost done, okay? Just sit tight for a little longer."

"Kay!"

Kendall braced himself before stepping inside the smaller room to find the judge seated behind a desk. Certificates and degrees seemed to glare down from behind him, covering the entire back wall and intimidating Kendall that much more.

"Have a seat, Mr. Knight."

Kendall did. He spotted the lion next to his chair; it was pointed at the judge as if keeping an eye on him.

"It wasn't easy to convince Noah to leave that in here, you know."

"I'm surprised you were able to," Kendall admitted.

"I had to promise him you'd be in here to keep it safe. He told me it's named Kendall. After you, his...what was it he called you? His 'best friend.'"

Kendall swallowed.

"I brought you in here because I need an honest answer to my question, and I don't want the presence of Mr. Diamond or Noah to affect that answer. I swear to you that nothing we say in this room will be repeated. We _are_ on camera, but there is no need for anyone else to view this conversation."

There was a camera hidden somewhere in here? Though Kendall had heard it was a common practice, he'd never expected to be the subject of one. "Okay?"

"It's clear to me that both Noah and Mr. Diamond are extremely attached to you. You're in a romantic relationship with Mr. Diamond, correct?"

Kendall's stomach dropped. "Yes, sir."

"Based on things that Noah said to me and the pictures provided by the detective Mrs. Carter hired, I know that you spend a lot of time with them. Yet you stated in your deposition that you have an apartment of your own. Do you live with them at The Pembroke?"

"I've been staying with them often for the past few weeks, but I do have my own place and if you decide that I shouldn't be around Noah, I'll keep my distance."

"Do you want to?"

Kendall frowned. "Keep my distance?"

"No," the judge chuckled. "Live with them. That's the question I need an honest answer to. I'm aware that it's a huge responsibility, taking on a parental role. Just because you care about them, that doesn't mean you're ready or willing to take on that responsibility. That may be difficult to admit to Mr. Diamond and Noah, though, because I'm sure you'd hate to hurt their feelings."

"Of course."

"So I'm asking you with neither of them present. If you had the choice, would you move in with them and be a second father figure to Noah?"

Kendall needed a moment to catch his breath before answering; was the judge just trying to trip him up, or was this a sincere question? "Yes. My biggest fear is that you'll tell me I can't see him again, and he's become like a son to me and..." Kendall's composure was slipping as emotion took over. "I want us to be a family."

"I approve of families," the judge nodded. "It's hard for single parents, especially new ones. Mr. Diamond is learning as he goes, and along with working full-time and going to school, it's going to be extremely difficult for him to give Noah the attention he needs. A two-parent system is vital in today's world."

"I agree. I'll be honest, I'm going to be working full-time and going to school as well, but I think with the two of us we can do it. I can switch to nights at work and go to school during the day so that James can work days and be home at night with Noah. When he gets out of school he can go to childcare and I'll pick him up when I'm done, then by the time I leave for work James should be home. We've talked about it, planned it out, we'll make it work. Just please, even if you don't agree to this, give James a chance. He _is_ new at parenting but he's learning so much and he's a great dad."

"Mr. Knight, my main concern in this is that if things don't work out between you and Mr. Diamond, it will be devastating to Noah. He idolizes you. He's lost one parent already, and I can't even get him to talk about his mother. Her death has affected him deeply."

"I know," Kendall sighed. "He'll tell me anything, but when it comes to Shannon..." He shook his head. "James and I discussed therapy. Grief counseling."

"That's already included in the judgment I'm going to give. I'm requiring that. I'm leaning toward awarding custody to Mr. Diamond, but I'm still concerned that he's taking on too much to handle by himself."

"He won't be, not if you let me live there. I'm going to marry him either way. The question is does it happen in the next year, or thirteen years from now after Noah's gone away to college?"

The judge stared back at Kendall in deep thought, then nodded once as if deciding something. "Thank you, Mr. Knight. You're dismissed, and please send Noah back in here to wait while I discuss my decision with all of you."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, Your Honor." Before he stood, Kendall laid a hand on the lion. The ring glittered up at him, gaudy in all its cheapness. It was at the same time the most ugly and most beautiful thing Kendall had ever worn.

* * *

As Kendall re-entered the courtroom and all heads swiveled to look at him, it was James' face that stood out more than the rest because it reminded Kendall of the expression Noah wore every time he was afraid something bad was about to happen. All Kendall wanted to do was hug James.

Instead, he knelt next to Noah and said quietly, "The judge wants you to wait in the room again with your lion. He just has a few more things to say to us and we can all leave."

"Can I go home with you?" Noah asked hopefully.

"We'll find out soon. No matter what happens, I love you, buddy. Give me a hug."

Noah had no issue with that. Kendall closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of this lost, scared little boy finding safety in him. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered.

"Promise?"

"Wizard's honor."

Noah giggled, then Kendall let go. "Better hurry, don't want to leave your lion alone once the judge comes out here."

With a gasp, Noah tore away. He slowed long enough to wave at his grandpa, who couldn't resist smiling back. The bailiff was waiting and opened the side door for Noah.

"Talk to me," James hissed the moment his son disappeared. "Do you have to stay away?"

"We'll find out in a minute." Kendall took the seat Noah had vacated. "I think—"

"Oh, _now_ you want to sit there? You said—"

"Trust me, babe. It won't be a problem. It's not just you against them, it's _us_ against them. We're a team and I should've realized that before. I was just afraid to do anything that might ruin this for you."

"What did the judge say to you?" James demanded.

"He said—"

"All rise!"

Kendall shook his head at James in a gesture that meant "We'll talk about it later." Paul caught his eye as they stood, and Kendall nodded.

"Yes?" Paul mouthed.

Kendall nodded again.

"Thank you all for your patience," the judge began after everyone settled. "We'll discuss my decision in a moment, but first I want to inform you that only the parties involved need remain, with the exception of Mr. Knight. The rest of you are free to go if you wish."

No one moved. The judge continued.

"There's something I'd like both parties to see, and it will take us about ten minutes over our scheduled time but it's important. We're only cutting into the lunch break anyway. Mr. Anderson, are we ready?"

No one had been paying attention to the bailiff, who was setting up what looked to be a laptop. "Almost, Your Honor." He walked away from that and flipped a switch on the wall. An over-sized monitor began to hum its way down from the ceiling.

"I wanted to get a sense of Noah's feelings regarding both couples, because you can tell a lot about what happens in the home by what the child says. More specifically, _how_ he says it. Can the four of you see the screen easily?"

It didn't get past James that Kendall was suddenly being included in everything as his other half. The scared look fell away as he turned to Kendall. "Did we win? _Both_ of us?"

"Shh." Kendall knew from his own studies and time observing court sessions that speaking out of turn was the best way to get kicked out. "Yes, Your Honor," he answered for both of them after Pete chimed in.

"I'm going to share with you the discussion I had with Noah, and I want you to pay attention to his feelings as he answers my questions. This is a big part of what I based my decision on."

The room Kendall had recently been in appeared on the screen, a still shot of Noah front and center while both him and the lion stared back. James' trembling hand snaked over to clamp onto Kendall's.

"Noah was not aware that I was recording this. I wanted him to speak freely."

The judge nodded at the bailiff, who clicked the laptop. The scene began to play.

" _Noah, we're almost finished. I'm sorry you had to wait so long, I'm sure it's boring in here."_

 _Noah shrugged. "It's okay, I'm not alone. My lion is here with me."_

" _He's a beautiful lion. Or is it a she?"_

 _Noah shook his head. "Boy."_

" _Did your mother buy that for you?"_

" _No. We got it at the zoo. Me and Daddy."_

" _Oh, so it came from Daddy?"_

 _Now Noah started to light up a bit. "Yeah! I saw lots of lions at the zoo and I wanted one so Daddy got it for me. His name is Kendall. He keeps me safe."_

" _Does he?" Though they couldn't see the man's face due to the camera's position, Kendall sensed the judge was surprised. "Did you name the lion?"_

" _Yeah. After Kendall, my best friend."_

 _There was a pause before the judge asked, "Noah, do you know why we're here? Did anyone explain that to you?"_

 _Noah nodded. "Can I go home now?"_

" _Well, we're here to decide where home is. What do you consider home?"_

" _Home is with Daddy and Kendall."_

 _Daddy and Kendall._ Kendall's heart squeezed.

" _You've lived with your Grandma and Grandpa for most of your life, right?"_

 _Another nod._

" _But you don't consider that home?"_

" _It's not the same," Noah murmured._

" _Why is that?"_

 _Noah's demeanor was changing; as they watched, he started to withdraw. His eyes shifted to the floor and his hand crept over to brush the lion._

" _Noah, can you tell me what you meant by that?"_

" _It's different now."_

" _What is?"_

" _Everything."_

" _Do you mean...since your mom died?"_

 _A barely perceptible nod was the answer._

" _Oh. So it's not the same at Grandma and Grandpa's now?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _I bet you miss your mom."_

 _The hand that was resting on the lion suddenly tightened to bring it closer to the chair._

" _I know that your mom loved you very much, Noah."_

 _No reply, just more of Noah staring at the floor._

 _The judge moved on. "I have to decide which house you get to live in from now on, but to do that I need you to show me what it's like in each house. Can you do that?"_

 _Now Noah was intrigued. Hazel eyes came up in question. "How?"_

" _Let's start with Grandma and Grandpa. That should be easy, you live there now and have for many years. What happens when you wake up in the morning?"_

" _Grandma comes to wake me up for breakfast."_

" _Mmm, breakfast is always good. Does she cook breakfast?"_

" _Yeah. On the weekends she makes pancakes."_

" _And during the week?"_

" _Before we have school, I get oatmeal. Or cereal and toast. Sometimes she lets me have jelly!"_

A chuckle slipped out of James. "The kid loves his jelly," he whispered.

" _Where is Grandpa during breakfast?"_

" _On the other side of the table. He eats oatmeal, too. But he puts milk in it." Noah's nose scrunched up in distaste._

Quiet laughter scattered around the courtroom.

" _I'm not a fan of milk in my oatmeal, either," the judge confided. "What happens after breakfast?"_

" _Grandpa goes to work. Me and Grandma have school."_

" _And she's your teacher?"_

" _Uh huh."_

" _What does she teach you?"_

" _I know my letters and words, and math. She teaches me about 'merica and the wars. And the prezdents, I just learned them. Do you know the prezdent is the most important man in 'merica?"_

" _Well, he's certainly powerful. What else do you learn from Grandma?"_

" _About animals sometimes and air. We have to breathe air."_

" _Yes, we do."_

" _And we read from the Bible every day."_

" _The Bible," the judge echoed. "Does she read to you? I know it's a hard book to understand."_

" _I read it," Noah answered proudly. "But Grandma explains it."_

 _"Okay. Do you like the Bible?"_

" _Some of it's scary. But I like hearing about what happened a long time ago."_

" _Alright, so after school, what happens next?"_

" _Lunch. I get to read a book while Grandma makes lunch. She makes me a sandwich and I get a apple or a banana. Sometimes even strawberries!"_

"Kid loves strawberries," Kendall murmured. "Note to Dad."

" _Does she eat with you?" the judge wanted to know._

" _Yeah. We talk about what we learned in the Bible."_

" _And then?"_

" _It's nap time. Grandma lets me read but then I have to sleep."_

" _Does she wake you up from that?"_

" _No, I get up by myself."_

" _And what is Grandma doing when you get up?"_

" _She cleans the house and cooks dinner. Sometimes I help her clean. I'm good at scrubbing the kitchen floor! I make it shiny!"_

" _I bet you do," the judge chuckled. "Do you ever help cook dinner?"_

" _No, Grandma says I'll just make a mess. I don't ask anymore."_

" _What happens next?"_

" _Grandpa comes home!" Noah's face exploded with a smile. "We watch sports until dinner's ready."_

" _Sports? What sport do you like?"_

" _Grandpa likes baseball best. It looks fun."_

" _Do you ever play baseball?"_

" _No, Grandma says it's too dangerous."_

" _Would you like to play?"_

" _Grandma says no."_

"We're getting that kid onto a softball team," James hissed.

Kendall nodded. "Carlos and I can teach him."

" _So, you eat dinner with Grandma and Grandpa."_

" _Uh huh. Then it's bath time. Grandma washes my hair and makes sure I'm clean."_

" _Always a good thing," the judge agreed. "Is it bedtime after that?"_

" _I get to watch the science channel first, if I'm good. It's my favorite."_

" _If you're good? What if you're bad?"_

" _No TV. I have to go to bed."_

" _Are you bad sometimes?"_

 _Noah didn't want to answer._

" _You can tell me the truth, you won't get in trouble."_

 _"Kendall says I should always tell the truth."_

" _Kendall said that?"_

" _Uh huh."_

" _Kendall's right, Noah. Be honest."_

 _Noah bit his lip. He couldn't meet the judge's eyes. "I've been bad since I came back to Grandma's. She yells a lot now."_

" _Because you don't do what she asks?"_

" _She gets mad when I cry because I miss Daddy and Kendall. She said they don't miss me and I shouldn't be sad."_

 _The judge's voice was gentle when he said, "Noah? It's okay to be sad. It's okay to miss someone. I know you miss your mom."_

 _No response._

" _And I know your daddy loves you. He's here today because he misses you. When you were living with your dad, did you miss Grandma and Grandpa?"_

" _I missed Grandpa. He watches the science channel with me even though he doesn't like it. He says it's boring."_

" _What is Grandma doing while you're watching that?"_

" _She cleans the kitchen and folds laundry in the living room. Me and Grandpa watch TV in the den."_

" _Okay, so after science channel it's bedtime?"_

" _Mm-hm."_

" _And how are weekends different?"_

" _Grandpa's home! He doesn't go to work! He's home all day with us!"_

" _So you like weekends, I take it," the judge commented._

" _They're the best. After school I get to watch sports with grandpa all day!"_

" _You have school on the weekends?"_

" _Not on Sunday. Sunday is church day. But I have to read the Bible still. Every day."_

" _Okay, Noah, I think I have a pretty good idea what a day is like at Grandma and Grandpa's. Now tell me about what happens at Daddy's house."_

" _I get to go to school!"_

 _Noah's face when he said that was like being told it's Christmas morning._

 _"Real school, right?"_

" _Yeah! I see Zavey and go down the slide and get to draw, and Mrs. Lattimore tells us lots of neat things. She's my teacher!"_

" _Let's back up to the beginning of the day. How does that start?"_

" _Daddy wakes me up for breakfast. He makes the best pancakes! One time we made a waffle sandwich! And when he cooks eggs, they're not runny."_

Beaming, James sat up straighter next to Kendall.

" _A waffle sandwich? Sounds pretty good. Does Kendall eat breakfast with you?"_

" _Kendall has to leave early to go to the cabin."_

" _Right. So it's just you and Daddy?"_

" _Uh huh! And after breakfast he lets me help clean the dishes. Then I get dressed and go to school!"_

" _Which you enjoy."_

" _It's so fun! I learn so much! And I get to see my friend Zavey."_

 _"Oh, so Zavey is a friend at school?"_

" _Yeah! He likes rockets, too!"_

" _Rockets are neat. What happens after school?"_

" _Daddy comes to get me. One time Kendall even came and I got to show him all the stuff I did at school."_

" _But usually it's just Daddy?"_

" _I only went two days. I want to go back. Please, can I live with Daddy so I can go back to real school?"_

" _Let's finish talking before I make that decision, okay? Does Daddy take you home after school?"_

" _We go to the cabin first and I get hot chocolate! Kendall makes it!"_

" _You like hot chocolate, huh?"_

" _It's yummy."_

" _Then do you go home?"_

" _Yeah. Daddy helped me with homework one day. Then Kendall did the last day."_

" _What was Daddy doing while you and Kendall were working on homework?"_

" _He cooked dinner. We had fried chicken because it's Kendall's favorite."_

" _Does Daddy ever let you help cook?"_

 _Noah had to think about that. "I helped make brownies. Kendall showed us how and he let me help. They tasted so good! Oh, and I got to shred the cheese for tacos! My daddy makes the best tacos in the world."_

" _That's good to know," the judge chuckled. "And after dinner?"_

" _I have to take a bath. I have toys at Daddy's! I sent a submarine to the moon once!"_

" _Wow, that takes some talent. Is it Daddy who gives you a bath?"_

" _Uh huh. One time Kendall did. They help me wash my hair and get clean, then I get to play with my toys until it's time to get out."_

" _Do you go to bed after your bath?"_

" _Um...we watched a movie once. We got games too, and Daddy played Candy Land with me. Oh no, we never finished the game! The lady came to take me away and we didn't finish!"_

Kendall thanked God he'd followed instinct and left that game board untouched.

" _I'm sorry, Noah. They came to get you because they thought you were in danger."_

" _I was safe! I'm always safe at Daddy's, he protects me! And Kendall too, and Harvey won't let bad people in."_

"See?" Kendall nudged James. "He feels safe with you, too."

" _So you're never scared at Daddy's?" the judge questioned. "Do you always feel safe there?"_

" _I didn't at first. I was scared of Daddy. Grandma said..."_

" _Tell me what Grandma said."_

" _She said he didn't like me. He didn't want me. And he was bad."_

" _And now that you've lived with him for a week? Do you think he's bad?"_

" _No. Grandma lied. He said he loves me. He said he would take me to real school and he did. He said he would be here today and he's here. Daddy doesn't lie."_

" _Okay, Noah, we're almost done here. Tell me what bedtime is like."_

" _That's my favorite time! Daddy reads us a story!"_

" _Us? You and Kendall?"_

" _Yeah, when he has to work we wait for him because he likes story time, too. Daddy reads us a story and I never get to hear the end because I can't stay awake. But he does the voices so good!"_

" _That's very important when reading a story. I just have one more thing for you here, let me find it." There was the sound of paperwork being rustled, then Noah was handed two sheets. "Did you make that in class?"_

" _Yeah, it's my collage! Where did you get it? It can't leave the classroom until after open house!"_

 _"Your teacher let your father take it home, and he brought it to me. Can you tell me what it means?"_

" _It's me. See, there's a rocket and books because I like those."_

" _I do see that. What about the taco? Is that Daddy?"_

" _Yeah! And the airplane, cause he spins me like a airplane and it's fun."_

" _What about this baseball? Grandpa, I'm assuming?"_

" _Uh huh!"_

" _What about this lady here?"_

 _The excitement in Noah's eyes died._

" _Who is that, Noah?"_

 _He looked away._

" _Is it Mommy?"_

" _Yeah." It was a whisper._

" _And the wizard? The owl?"_

 _Emotion came back into Noah's face in the form of fear._

"Shit," Kendall muttered. He'd told Noah never to tell that secret, but he didn't want the judge the think Noah was hiding something.

" _Noah? Can you tell me who this represents? Is it Grandma?"_

" _No!"_

" _Is Grandma on here anywhere?"_

 _Noah shook his head._

" _Can you tell me why? You love her, don't you?"_

 _The fear deepened. The judge couldn't possibly know that to ask Noah if he loved someone was the worst thing to do._

" _What about Grandpa. You love him for sure, right?"_

 _Noah's terror increased until he was approaching hyperventilation._

" _Okay, let me ask you this instead." The paperwork was shuffled so that Noah's sentences were on top. "Did you write this?"_

 _Noah nodded._

" _You said here is that grandma is bad. Why would you say that?"  
_

" _She lies. It's bad to lie."_

" _You mean about Daddy? The things she said about Daddy that were untrue?"_

" _Yeah. And she said Kendall would forget me, too, but he's here. He loves me."_

" _So...is that why Grandma's not on your collage? Because she's...bad?"_

" _She said Daddy didn't want to meet me. She lied."_

 _The judge took the papers away and sighed. "I've heard what I need to, Noah. Thank you for telling the truth. Would you like to go out there and wait while I talk to Kendall in here?"_

" _Can I sit with Daddy?"_

" _You can sit anywhere you'd like."_

" _Can I take the lion?"_

" _Do you feel you need it?"_

" _You said Kendall will be in here."_

" _Right."_

" _Then I won't have him with me. So I need it."_

 _There was a long pause before the judge suggested, "How about if I promise you I'll keep an eye on it while you're gone? It will only be for a few minutes."_

 _Noah still wasn't convinced._

" _Okay, let's try this. I'll make sure Kendall keeps it safe while he's in here. And Kendall will be nearby. Is that good enough?"_

" _I guess."_

" _Good. Go on, then. I'll see you soon."_


	52. Chapter 52

A/N—We've finally made it to the final chapter of the hearing. This one picks up exactly where the last left off, after everyone watched Noah's talk with the judge. There will be 4 or 5 more chapters after this one, because there are still things to wrap up, but at least after this you'll know their fate. :)

Thank you for reading!

* * *

The scene came to a halt. Everyone stirred, attention going back to the judge. Kendall instead glanced past James and Paul to see Sherry raising a tissue to her eyes.

 _What do you know, the woman does have feelings._

"I wanted you to watch that for a few reasons," the judge began. "You can see in the way he talks about each home where his true feelings lie. It's obvious to me that he enjoys things about both homes, but would much prefer to live with his father. Mrs. Carter, you also see that his trust in you has suffered due to your lies. Were you aware of that?"

"N-no, Your Honor. He used to love me." She wiped her eyes again, voice shaky.

"I believe he still does and that it isn't too late to regain his trust, but you must stop telling him lies. All they do is alienate him from you when he discovers the truth. Noah has already lost one parent, he deserves the chance to know the other." To everyone, he said, "I also want to draw your attention to the fact that he completely shuts down anytime his mother is mentioned. For this reason, I'm requiring that he sees a therapist for a consultation. He's not processing his grief and he can't move on to a normal, healthy childhood until he does."

"My grandson is not crazy."

The judge's head moved back to Sherry. "Seeing a therapist does not make him crazy. Nor does grief. It's obvious to me that he's not working through it in either home. He needs outside help and he will get it. Mr. Diamond, have you any objection?"

"No, sir. I actually suggested it to Kendall a few days ago."

An approving nod preceded, "This is what's going to happen. The court is awarding full custody to Mr. Diamond—"

Before he could get any further, a loud gasp from James was accompanied by a yell of "No!" from across the room. The judge stopped speaking to give both of them a moment. Kendall slipped a steadying arm around James' shoulders, but he couldn't stop the tears of relief that were starting to fall from James' eyes. He saw that Pete was attempting to console Sherry.

"As I was saying, full custody to Mr. Diamond _on the condition_ that Mr. Knight takes up residence with him and Noah to provide a secondary parental support system. He has already agreed to the terms, and I will need proof in the form of an amended lease. This needs to happen within the next thirty days. I'm also requesting your financial information in that time. Mr. Knight, are you able to comply with that?"

"Yes, sir," Kendall answered, aware that James was now stunned at his side. "I'm not on a lease currently, so it won't be an issue to move out."

"No!" Sherry was standing now, ignoring both Pete and the attorney as they tried to pull her down. "No no no, I won't allow this!" She wrenched out of Pete's grip and turned to James, her face full of a mixture of rage and sadness. " _You_. It's always been you, you took everything from me. Everything! You killed my daughter!"

James was still reeling from the fact that the judge had literally ordered Kendall to move in with him. He blinked at Sherry in further shock.

"Mrs. Carter," the judge began. "Please—"

"Your Honor, you don't understand, he killed her! He got her started on drugs, he led her down that path, if it wasn't for him she'd still be here and he's going to the do the same thing to my grandson! You don't understand!"

"I didn't," James sighed. He was drained. Emotionally wrung out from dealing with Sherry and this entire mess. "She—"

The judge tried again. "Both of you, I need you to—"

"She loved you and it killed her!" Sherry screamed. "It was always about you, she just wouldn't let you go, and because of you she's gone now!"

"Honey," Pete soothed, rising next to her in an attempt to calm her down enough to sit.

But James had finally reached his limit. "Because of me? Because of _me_? I lost six years with her, five years of my son's life, because of _you_! I can't get that back!"

"I can't get my daughter back! You poisoned her, she was never the same after—"

"Enough!" The judge had risen. He had no gavel to pound in this smaller setting, but also no need as his voice was powerful when used in that manner. Sherry fell silent.

"Be seated or I will continue this hearing without your presence, Mrs. Carter."

"Sherry, please," Pete tried. "Noah needs you to—"

"For everything! He needs me for everything! That monster is going to warp him, teach him it's okay to be gay! I won't stand for that, he needs—"

"I've heard enough." The judge gestured toward the bailiff. "Please remove her. Mrs. Carter, you may wait outside in the hall for the duration of this hearing. Mr. Carter, I need you to remain."

Though Pete was loath to leave his wife in that state, he nodded. As the bailiff started to escort Sherry from the room, she yelled back, "He's a murderer! He's going to kill my grandson just like he did Shannon, you don't know what you're—"

The door closed in her wake and everyone let out a breath.

"Wow," Kendall whispered. It was worse than he'd ever imagined. Maybe they should rethink that offer of visitation.

Pete piped up first. "Your Honor, she hasn't been the same since Shannon died. She hasn't really accepted it and it's—"

"I can see that," the judge agreed. "She's blaming Mr. Diamond because she can't face that her own actions in any way contributed to her daughter's misery. I'm going to order counseling for her as well, as a condition of visitation. Should she refuse therapy, visitation will be revoked."

Kendall whispered something to Paul, who cleared his throat. "Your Honor, my clients have offered their home to Mr. Carter for visitation should it be revoked. He's welcome to come there and see Noah, since it would be devastating for the boy to lose his grandfather."

"Noted." The judge scribbled something, then shifted his attention back to James and Kendall. "Now, as for—"

James interrupted hesitantly. "I'm sorry, can I say something? Am I allowed to ask a question?"

"Is it about my decision?"

"Yes, sir."

The judge nodded.

"I just...I want to make sure I understand what you said before...all that." He waved a hand toward the other side of the room, where Sherry's theatrics had taken place. "Are you saying you _want_ Kendall to move in with me and Noah? That it's okay?"

"It's mandatory at this point," the judge explained, "because raising a child on your own is difficult, Mr. Diamond, and I know this is all new to you. I want Noah to have the best care possible. He trusts Mr. Knight and views him as a parental figure. Do you dispute this?"

"Not at all!"

"Mr. Knight is not a legal guardian. He'll have no rights as far as making decisions regarding Noah in the eyes of the law. But he will provide a presence in the home, and one that Noah feels comfortable with. I've seen no evidence that his behavior with Noah is inappropriate; Noah feels safe with him. Between the two of you, Noah will be taken care of. Is that correct?"

"Yes, Your Honor," James and Kendall answered at the same time.

"I'll of course require follow-up appointments with the court to ensure that is the case. Mr. Knight informed me that you have discussed a plan to meet Noah's needs."

Technically, they'd only sort of done that. James replied with a vehement "Yes!" anyway.

"Excellent. So this is how it stands. Full custody to you as long as Mr. Knight is living in the home. Should that change, we'll revisit the situation and make adjustments then if need be. Mr. Garcia may remain there, but he is not to be used as childcare. The court will provide a list of approved childcare options for you to choose from, and when neither of you is available he will be taken there. I want to see both of you again in thirty days. Mr. Gardenas, please subpoena all necessary financial institutions so that you can bring accurate records with you at that time. We're also going to supply you with local child therapists who can help Noah work through his grief and trauma. The court will follow up on that as well to make sure he's going. I'll be having a talk with Noah when you return, and he _will_ tell me the truth. So keep that in mind."

"Yes, sir," James breathed. He was shaking.

"Mr. Carter. They have generously offered for you to visit Noah. For the next thirty days, we're going to stick with that. Your wife will attend therapy in that time, a minimum of once per week, but I don't want her in contact with Noah outside of supervised phone calls, which means that either Mr. Diamond or Mr. Knight will be listening in. If they feel she's continuing to damage Noah, they have the authority to deny that and we'll discuss it at the next meeting. At that time we'll also reconsider your wife's visiting privileges. Let her know that it's in her best interests to attend therapy and to be open to it, because her future with her grandson depends on it. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Pete swallowed. "I can still see him?"

"He needs you," the judge replied. "The next month especially will be a trying time for him, as he'll be facing feelings he's kept buried since his mother's death. He'll need all of you to get through this."

"Pete can visit anytime," James offered.

"I'll let you all work out the details regarding Mr. Carter's visits. Mr. Diamond, I understand that you have valid reasons for wanting to deny Mrs. Carter's presence in Noah's life, but I think eventually it would be good for Noah to spend time with her. Once they've both worked through their grief, they can share it."

"I have no problem with that, Your Honor. But the second she starts telling my son I'm evil again, that's it. I'll file a restraining order if I have to."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Mr. Carter, arrangements will need to be made to transfer Noah's belongings to The Pembroke, and it needs to happen in the next twenty-four hours. Is this a problem?"

"Not for me, Your Honor, but it might be a good idea for an officer to accompany James when he comes to get everything. And I'll want to be home, so I just need to know ahead of time."

"Mr. Diamond?"

"He doesn't need anything right away, we've still got stuff at the apartment. I'd like to take Carlos with me since he has a truck and offered to help. I was thinking maybe tomorrow while Noah's at school."

"I can take tomorrow off work," Pete nodded. "I won't want to leave Sherry alone anyway. Just let me know a time, James."

"I will. When can I take Noah home?"

The judge answered that one. "In just a few minutes, Mr. Diamond. Our next meeting will be in exactly a month at nine A.M. If that's all, I'm going to bring Noah out now. Did either party have any other concerns?"

After Pete said no, James pleaded, "I just want to take my son home. Thank you, Your Honor."

"Mr. Anderson?"

They watched the bailiff move to the side door and open it to lean in and speak quietly to Noah. When he stepped back, Noah started to move cautiously out of the room with the lion held tightly in both arms. All of the eyes on him made him nervous again.

"Come on in, Noah, it's okay," the judge chuckled.

"Did you decide?" Noah asked warily. "Can I go home now?"

"You can. I've decided that you can go home with your daddy and Kendall. But only if you want to," he teased.

"Yes!"

Noah shot across the room much as he had earlier upon spotting Kendall. The lion fell away, as it hampered his progress, but that didn't matter—soon enough he was in Kendall's arms, and that was better than the lion.

"Hi, baby," James whispered. There was no hope of keeping tears away now. It was real, they'd won and he was taking Noah home; everything poured out while he wrapped his arms around both of them. "I missed you so much."

Even Kendall's eyes were wet as he looked at the judge. "Thank you."

Noah twisted around to find the judge, who was standing from his chair. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Noah. I'll see you next month and you can tell me everything, okay? I want to hear all about open house and the space museum."

"Kay!"

The bailiff said something about all parties being excused; it was a blur to Kendall. His arms didn't want to let go of Noah. "Babe..."

"I know. I love you."

"You did it," Noah whispered to Kendall. "I knew you would! Your magic worked!"

His magic. He supposed in a way, it _was_ him who made this work. He vowed that James would never know of the conversation inside the judge's chambers, or at least that he'd been given a choice and could've ruined it for them with just one word. To Noah, he said, "The judge assigned me to your family. You don't have to share me, I belong to you now."

Noah gasped in excitement. "Forever?!"

That was a promise he couldn't make; nobody knew what the future held. He did know one thing, though. "As long as you need me."

"Yay!" Noah reached out for his dad next. James took him eagerly and squeezed the crap out of him. "You're crying again," Noah frowned. "Is it sad or happy?"

"It's happy, baby," James chuckled. "So happy. We're gonna get all your stuff and bring it home tomorrow, okay?"

"Can I go home tonight?"

"Yes, we're taking you home right now. And tomorrow you get to go to school."

Instead of the joy James expected, Noah frowned as he asked, "Where's Grandpa? Can I say goodbye?"

Kendall glanced around just in time to see the other attorney shaking hands with Pete. "He's right over there, let's go talk to him."

Noah jumped down to run across the room. "Grandpa!"

"Hey, kiddo! You okay?"

"Yeah! I get to go home with Daddy!"

"I heard."

"Where's Grandma?"

"Uh, she's waiting outside. She wanted to say goodbye but something came up. You'll see her next month, okay?"

"Next month? That's thirty days, right?"

"Yes, exactly thirty days." Pete got down on one knee. "Listen, Noah...your grandma loves you very much. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"And she's gonna miss you. Is it okay if we call you every day?"

"Yeah!"

"And maybe I can come to your open house Thursday?"

"Yeah! You can see the rocket ship I drew! It's on the wall of my class!"

"Oh, I can't wait to see that."

James had stepped closer, Kendall not far behind. "Noah, how would you like Grandpa to come over for dinner Friday night?"

Noah's jaw fell open. "Can we have tacos?"

"We can have tacos," James laughed. "Just not...every night."

"What about tonight?"

"Tonight for sure, baby."

"Is Grandma gonna come, too?"

Kendall heard the fear in that question. "Not for awhile," he answered. "You can talk to her on the phone, but she won't be coming over to the apartment right away. You're safe, Noah."

"No one's gonna take me away?"

"Not if I can help it."

Noah's face brightened. "Can you eat dinner with us tonight?"

"I'll be there. I promise."

Noah threw himself at Kendall. After settling Noah on his hip, Kendall closed his eyes and hugged the boy. He felt James' lips press against the back of his head and smiled.

He was home.

* * *

The immediate aftermath of the hearing was a bit chaotic, with Paul shepherding everyone out of the room and into the hall and no one wanting to leave without talking to them. James suddenly remembered that it was Paul he needed to thank most, so spun outside the door and tackled the man with a hug. "Thank you. We really couldn't have done this on our own, thank you so much. From both me and Shannon. And Noah and Kendall and..."

"I get the picture," Paul chuckled. He squeezed James in return before saying, "So you heard what he said, we're back in thirty days to see how it's all working out. Tracy's on her way downstairs to get all the paperwork. We need to discuss the terms of the ruling, but we can do that later this week if you'd prefer. Get Noah and all of his belongings home, get him settled in, and maybe Thursday morning we can meet at my office to go over the details and plan our next meeting with the judge."

"Sure, that's...I'll tell my new boss I have to be off Thursday morning. I think Kendall has to work, though. Maybe?"

"Why don't we meet at Black Forest instead?"

James smiled in gratitude. "That's perfect, thank you. Just...thank you. For _everything_."

"You're welcome. I have to get back to the office for a meeting with another client, so just text me and we'll set up a time."

"Got it."

He turned from Paul to see Kendall talking with Lucy, Noah's hand secure in his while the boy laughed at something Lucy said. "I'll see what I can do," she added as James approached. "No promises, but if not we'll find a time to hang out, okay?"

"Kay! You can come over and play Candy Land with me!"

"Sounds like a plan, short man."

"Lucy, you made a rhyme!"

"So I did," she grinned.

"Lucy," James interrupted. "I just want to—"

Lucy cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Save it. It's what Shannon would want. But I demand time with Noah as a thank you. He said I can come visit."

"Of course," James agreed. "Just call or text beforehand this time."

Kendall informed James, "He also invited her to the space museum. This Saturday. So...that's happening."

"Can we go, Daddy?! Please?!"

"Um...as long as I don't have to work. I'll know for sure later today, okay?"

"Oh." Noah's face fell. It hadn't occurred to him that James might not be around because so far he had been, and Grandma always was.

"But if I have to work this weekend, I'll make sure to get next Saturday off. I promise we'll go."

"Do I have to go to Grandma's when you work?"

"No, baby. We'll talk about it later, when we're home."

They said their goodbyes to Lucy, who surprised them by waiting around for Jett. As James hugged him, he teased, "So...batting for the other team now?"

"Shut up," Jett laughed. "She's awesome. We're gonna go get lunch. No offense, dude, but I may have a new best friend."

James gasped in mock offense. "Jett, you hurt me!"

"Hey, that's what happens when you shack up with the man of your dreams."

"Oh my god, you sound like my mother. Which...where is she?"

"Over there with Logan and...Carlos? That was his name, right?"

"Yeah. Logan's got a boyfriend now."

"Wow. Who's the woman with the red hair talking to your mom?"

"That's Kendall's mom. She's the best."

"Well, I will leave you to your family and go buy my new best friend lunch. But um...did I hear that right in there? You're done with the club?"

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry, dude, I can't...I know you don't understand this, but..."

"I do, actually. I get it. Just promise me we can still talk."

"Of course. Kendall's cool with you now, and Noah will understand eventually that you're not a bad man. It'll be fine."

"Take care, bro. I'm really proud of you. You've changed, but in a good way. And you're happy. I've never seen you like this."

"I've got a son and the perfect man in my life. I never knew that was all I needed."

Jett hugged James one more time, then drifted away to look for Lucy. Probably because he'd come so close to losing him, James felt the need to be near Noah. He found the boy on Kendall's hip again, Noah hanging on loosely; Kendall looked like the most natural dad ever and a glow of happiness warmed James' chest. This was his family, all he'd wanted in life for the past two weeks.

And he had it now.

Paul was saying goodbye to both of them when James approached. He opened his mouth to speak but Harvey beat him to it, seeming to appear out of nowhere. "I'm afraid I must return to my post, but I wanted to make sure this got back to Noah before I go."

Noah's arms opened for the lion. "Thanks, Harvey!" Because he was being held by Kendall it was too hard to hold the thing the way he normally did, so he settled for holding it by one limb and letting it hang.

James stopped the man before he could escape. "Harvey, I can't thank you enough. I don't even have words for—"

"Mr. Diamond, no words are needed. I see my residents happy, and my job is done. Noah is a joy to have at The Pembroke. I look forward to seeing his smiling face every day."

He was surprised by a massive hug from James. "I'll make extra tacos tonight and we'll bring you some for dinner. It's not much, but—"

"Well, from what I hear, they're the best in the world! I look forward to it."

Sensing that James and Kendall wanted to be gone from this place, Carlos and Logan kept their goodbyes short. Carlos promised he would be home by morning in order to help James move Noah's things out of the Carter house, and it was then Kendall remembered offering to take his shift. Tonight was really all they had together as a family before life returned to drag them apart with daily routines.

He felt Noah tense up and looked over to see Brooke making her way toward them. His own mother was doing the same, but at a more hesitant pace. Noah was already overwhelmed, and he made a snap decision. "We'll be back!" he called out, carrying Noah away from everyone and toward the restroom so that James could field the moms.

"You okay?" Kendall asked once they were alone. He set Noah down on his feet.

"I want to go home."

"I know, baby, we're leaving in a minute." Hunkering down to Noah's level, he tried, "Your grandma really wants to meet you. Daddy's mom?"

Noah hugged the lion tighter. "Did you meet her? Is she mean like Grandma said?"

"No, she's not mean. She wants to come over and have dinner with us. My mom does, too, and my sister Katie. They all want to meet you."

"Tonight?" The prospect was clearly too much for Noah to handle.

"No, not tonight. It's just you, me, and Daddy tonight. I promise."

"Kay. Can we have story time?"

"Absolutely. Do you want to meet your grandma right now? I know it would make her happy."

Noah's hands started wringing together.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't we invite them over another time? I know today has been a lot to deal with and we all just want to go home. Can I invite them for lunch this weekend?" When Noah bit his lip, still unsure, Kendall added, "We can show them how to make waffle sandwiches."

"Can we make brownies again, too?"

"Yep."

"Kay!"

"Okay," Kendall grinned. "That's what we'll do, then. How about we stop at the cabin for hot chocolate, then we'll go home and Daddy can make us lunch before nap time?"

"And then tacos for dinner?"

"Tacos for dinner."

It sounded like a perfect day to Kendall. He called James from his phone, explaining that Noah was overwhelmed and not ready to meet new people today, and James passed on the information to their mothers and extended the invitation for lunch over the weekend. They were disappointed (Brooke even a little hurt), but James assured her it wasn't a rejection—Noah simply needed time to adjust. In an effort to soothe Brooke's feelings Jennifer offered to buy her lunch, and when it was safe to emerge, Kendall carried Noah and his lion out into the hall.

Random people passed them, but neither really noticed; all that mattered was the man waiting for them with a soft smile and open arms. James sighed in relief, the tension finally melting away as he said, "Let's go home."


	53. Chapter 53

A/N—Here's another chapter where there was no good place to cut it off, so it ends abruptly. But the next chapter will pick up right where this one ends, and you will get to read the thing that is being referred to at the end. That's all I can say without spoiling the chapter haha. Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm so glad you were all happy to see Noah come home to James and Kendall. :)

* * *

As promised, Annie got to meet Noah. He was nervous until discovering that she owned "the cabin"; from then on, they were buddies. He sat on James' lap in the tiny office, drinking his beloved hot chocolate as schedules were hammered out. From behind James' chair (and with his hands resting on James' shoulders), Kendall offered to work evening shifts during the week, at least until the following semester started at school; they'd discuss those changes when it happened. He'd continue to work his Saturday morning shifts and keep his Sundays off so that the family could have one full day together. As for James, he would work days during the week and be free on the weekends to take care of Noah. Weekends would also be their only time to have dinner together as a family because even on the days Kendall interned, he'd work evenings at Black Forest. Noah and James were sad about that, but Kendall reminded his guys he'd be home for story time every night and James promised to have a meal waiting, so they'd make it work.

The bottom line was that Noah would be home, and really that was all that mattered.

As the afternoon progressed, James grew quieter. Kendall knew him well enough to sense something was on his mind and wondered if it was all hitting James now, the massive responsibility he'd taken on and worry for Noah's future. Kendall didn't want to say anything in front of Noah but used affectionate touches here and there to remind James he wasn't alone, and it wasn't until after they'd all consumed a mountain of tacos and Noah was in the bath that Kendall vocalized his concerns.

"Talk to me. Why are you freaking out?"

James continued to pack leftover tacos into a plastic container. "I have to get these down to Harvey before he leaves his post for the night. I promised."

"No, you're going to look at me and tell me what's wrong."

"Babe, I think he's off at like six or something."

Kendall recognized the words for the avoidance they were and sighed. "James," he tried gently. "I know it's a lot to take on. I know it's all hitting you now. We should talk about this, you're not alone here."

James finally looked up after sealing an air-tight lid over the tacos. "You think I'm worried about me? Or us?"

"Or Noah?" Kendall suggested.

"No, babe, it's not...let me get these down to Harvey and we'll talk, okay? I promise, it's none of those things. Just...watch him. Make sure he's okay in there. I'll be right back."

"You're sure? It's not us or any of this you're freaking out about?"

"No. I'm happier than I've ever been, and things are how they should be."

"Right." Kendall was confused because he could tell there was more behind that statement. "So..."

A firm kiss was pressed to Kendall's lips. "Hold that thought. I'll be back in five. Love you."

Kendall let him go with a head shake, having no idea what else could be bothering James but pushing it away so that he didn't pass on any of the worry to Noah. He grinned as he stepped into the bathroom. Noah was partially submerged in a sea of bubbles, making those same noises he imagined a submarine would. "I see the submarine is on the move again."

"Yeah! They're going to the North Pole today!"

"The North Pole?" Kendall echoed in surprise. "Isn't that where Santa Claus lives?"

"No, Kendall, he isn't real."

 _Damn._ Kendall had been hoping Noah might have started to believe. "So then what's at the North Pole?"

"Nothing! It's the thing we spin around. The access."

"The...axis, you mean?"

"Yeah! You can't see it, it's not real either. But they want to be there at the center of the Earth."

Kendall sat on the edge of the bathtub to think about that. "So...it's not real but they still want to be there. Is that right?"

"Uh huh."

"And Santa's not real, right?"

"Right."

"Do you still open presents on Christmas? If Santa's not real?"

Noah's hands stopped moving the toy as he looked up. "Yeah."

"How come? Where do the presents come from?"

"Grandma and Grandpa. And..." A shadow fell over Noah's face.

"And Mom. Right?"

Noah looked away. Kendall didn't push that. "So if Santa's not real, why do you exchange presents?"

"For Jesus. It's his birthday. We have a tree and Grandma makes turkey and pie."

Kendall nodded slowly. "So it's to celebrate Jesus' birthday?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay." That certainly wasn't a lie. "Can we talk about church?"

"Can I still go to church with Grandma and Grandpa?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah. You and Daddy can come, too!"

They hadn't heard James come back in, but both looked over when he leaned against the door jamb. "Where are we all going?"

"To church," Kendall answered. "He'd like us to go with him and Grandma and Grandpa."

"Ah." The idea didn't sit well with James, that much was apparent. "Tell me why you like church so much, baby."

"The songs are pretty. The choir sings them. And the priest talks about the Bible. I like to sing the songs."

"What would you think of being in your own choir?"

"I don't have one."

"What if you did? Would you like to sing with other kids?"

Noah thought about that. "At church? About Jesus?"

"Well...not necessarily." James looked to Kendall for help.

"There are other choirs, too," Kendall explained. "Not just at church. Would you be interested in trying something like that?"

"Where?"

"Uh..." Kendall shrugged. "We don't know yet. But if we find you a place to sing with other kids, would you want to try?"

"What would we sing about?"

"Maybe Christmas songs?" James suggested. "Songs about..." He grasped for something. "Your two front teeth?"

Noah looked at him as if he was speaking gibberish. "Why would I sing about my teeth?"

Kendall snickered. He felt bad about it, but Noah had a point. "We'll talk about it later, baby. Daddy and I will research to see what kinds of choirs are around here, and we'll see how you feel. Maybe we'll go see them so you can get an idea what it's like. Sound good, Daddy?"

"Fine. Sure. Are you ready to get out, Noah?"

Kendall's gaze narrowed; James was annoyed by something, and also trying to avoid the discussion they'd agreed to have. "Actually, buddy, you just focus on getting them to the North Pole. We'll get you out in a little bit."

"Kay! Hold on to the dog, little boy! We're ready for take-off!"

Kendall stood and literally dragged James out of the bathroom. He pointed at the sofa. "Sit."

"Babe, I'm—"

"Don't tell me you're fine." He lowered his voice and knelt in front of James, who had followed the command and was now resting on the edge of a cushion. "What's going on?"

James closed his eyes, most likely gathering his thoughts. "It's...Sherry."

"Sherry?" That was unexpected. "Like...you're worried she'll try to take you back to court?"

"No," James sighed. His eyes flew open. "Nothing like that. I mean, she still might, but I'm not worried about it anymore. The judge knows she's a headcase."

"Right, so...what are you thinking about?"

James licked his lips. "Honestly? The way she used to smile at me when I complimented her cooking."

Kendall wasn't following.

"Did you know that it's because of her I got into food?"

"I thought it was because you wanted to get healthy."

"Well, yeah, that's what got me to really look into cooking and to study food. But...when I was little, before she hated me..."

"Yeah?" Kendall prompted.

"We'd help her cook. She taught me how to crack an egg. How to grate cheese. How to butter toast properly."

"There's a proper way to do that?" Kendall wondered.

"Sure, so the butter is evenly spread."

"Okay, so...babe, I love you but I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"I know." James fell back against the cushions and rubbed a hand over his face. "My point is she wasn't always like this. She got worse over the years. It started when...well, maybe when Shannon developed a crush on me, I don't know. But maybe that wasn't even a problem until I started showing signs of being gay. I think that's what really did it, what turned her against me."

"That would make sense," Kendall nodded. "She sounds like a very traditional, severely religious woman."

"She is. She's always been that. Look, the woman I saw today, that's what she's become."

"Mm-hm."

"And I just..."

"What? You feel responsible?"

"No, babe, I'm not ashamed of what I am and who I love."

"Okay, good."

"I just keep thinking..." James shifted on the sofa, sitting up straight again. "What if that woman is still in there? The one who actually loved me at one point? Who treated me like a son?"

Kendall waited for more, but there was nothing. "What if she is? How does that make you feel?"

"It's...sad? But also I don't want Noah to miss out on that? Because those are some of my favorite childhood memories, cooking with her in the kitchen. Did you hear Noah say she doesn't let him help cook?"

"I did."

"Like...what changed? I want Noah to experience that."

"Okay...he will. He'll still get weekends with her, as long as she goes to therapy."

"And what if she doesn't, Kendall?" Now James stood up. He paced over to the big picture window. "What if...?"

"What if what?" Kendall rose and followed, sliding his arms around James' waist and resting his chin on James' shoulder. "What is it you're scared of, babe?"

James closed his eyes against tears that wanted to fall. "I'm so happy. I have everything I wanted. But to get that I had to take it from her. She has nothing now. She lost Shannon, she lost Noah. I'm..." James spun around to stare into Kendall's eyes. "Babe, I'm worried about her. She has nothing."

Kendall was in awe of this man who had been wronged, publicly maligned, and almost destroyed by a woman yet still had the capacity to pity her and care about her feelings. "You're...worried about her."

"Yeah. You saw her today. She's lost it."

"Okay, but she's gonna get help. She has to, right?"

"What if she feels hopeless? What if they went home and she's just sitting there hating herself and missing Shannon and realizing it's all her fault, and thinking that Noah doesn't love her anymore, and..." James was becoming agitated. "He _does_ love her, babe. I want her to know it's not too late with him, that she still has a chance."

"James..." Kendall reeled him in, rocking in place with him. "Do you want to call her?" he asked softly. "Just to make sure she's okay?"

"I'm gonna have Noah call. After his bath."

Kendall nodded. "Why don't I get him out of the bath now, and you can get that started. Call them, make sure she's okay, and then Noah can talk to them." James took a deep breath. "Okay, babe?"

"Yeah." James nodded. "Yeah, that's...just close the door. I don't want him to hear what I say in case it goes...badly."

Kendall thought that was a good idea. He kissed James to give him strength. James held on longer when Kendall tried to end that, then smiled as their lips parted. "I'll never get tired of that."

"Same," Kendall grinned. "I'm gonna go grab him. Hopefully they've had time to reach the North Pole by now. You heard that comment about the dog, right?"

"I know, I know, eventually we're gonna have to get a dog. It's on the list."

Kendall suggested, "Maybe for Christmas. We'll take him down to the shelter."

"I like that idea."

"It's a date, then." After sending James a wink, Kendall headed for the bathroom to find Noah explaining to the "tourists" that we can't see the North Pole, but it's real.

"Just like air," Noah added. "Without air, we can't live."

Kendall smiled, thinking that was probably true about love as well.

* * *

"How did it go?" Kendall whispered as Noah started gushing to his grandpa about hot chocolate and tacos.

"We'll talk about it later. I think she listened, though. I think she's gonna be okay. I hope."

"I love you." Kendall brushed his lips over James' hair. "I love your heart."

"You love my dick."

Kendall choked, shoving James away with a laugh. "Be quiet, he can hear you!"

"He heard nothing, he's too wrapped up in taco talk. And I _was_ quiet."

"I was trying to have a moment with you, you know."

"I know," James smirked. "Just keeping things interesting."

Noah's tone changed. "Hi, Grandma."

They both turned to watch. The volume of his voice stayed low. His eyes had lost their twinkle.

"Yeah. Uh huh. Tacos." None of the excitement this time.

"Come on, Sherry," James whispered. "You can do this."

"Oh." There was a long pause as Noah listened, his frown deepening. "For a whole month? That's thirty days."

James clasped Kendall's hand, wringing it like he would his own.

"A picnic?!" Noah gasped. "Can we go to the lake where the ducks live? And eat sandwiches and macanoni salad?"

"Did he just say maca _noni_?" James murmured. "My kid is the best thing in this entire world."

"Yeah! I want to feed the ducks! Okay! Thirty days. Can you come to open house?" The happiness died. "Oh. Yeah, I know. Kay. I promise. Tomorrow?" Noah turned to James. "Daddy, can I call Grandma tomorrow?"

"Yes, baby," James nodded. "If you want to."

"I do!"

"Okay, no problem. Tell her you'll call her every day so she doesn't miss you too much."

"Grandma? Daddy says I can call every day. Kay." A hint of fear shadowed Noah's face. "Bye."

James took the phone back while Kendall asked, "Did she tell you she loves you? Is that why you got scared?"

Noah managed a slight nod. They'd still have to work on that, and Kendall knew it would be a long road for himself, James, and the therapist.

"Baby, what did she say about the ducks?" James wanted to know.

"She said we can have a picnic after church! I see the ducks on the way home and we're gonna have a picnic so I can feed them!"

"That sounds like fun, kiddo. Did she explain to you that you get to visit every month?"

"Not for thirty days. Then I can stay but only for the weekend, right?"

"Right," Kendall nodded. "Two nights and you come home Sunday after...dinner, I guess?"

"Then I get to come home?"

"Always," James agreed. "And listen, if you ever want to come home from there early, you just tell Grandpa and he'll call us. This is your home now."

Noah's bright smile was a direct reflection of the happiness Kendall was filled with at those words.

"Can we watch a movie before story time?"

James replied, "Nothing sounds better to me, baby. How do you feel about a movie that takes place in a chocolate factory?"

"A chocolate factory?! Is there lots of candy?"

"Tons," Kendall nodded. "Even a chocolate river."

"I want to watch!"

In minutes they were all snuggled together under a blanket while scene after scene of candy rolled across the television screen during opening credits. Kendall leaned over Noah to kiss James' cheek, then did the same to the top of Noah's head.

He was completely at peace.

* * *

Lounging in bed, Kendall turned a page of the comic book he'd been reading. A flash of red in his peripheral vision caught his attention and he looked up to whistle at the satin-covered beauty that had just walked into the room with dripping hair and glowing skin.

"Who said you could raid my comic book stash?"

"The judge ordered it," Kendall smirked. "What's mine is yours."

"Pretty sure that's not exactly what he said," James teased as he took a seat at the vanity. "But...close enough."

"You're just lucky I didn't break into the snacks. I have a weakness for peanut butter M&M's."

"Oh? Maybe I'll feed you those while we're having sex."

"Kinky," Kendall laughed. He set the comic book back in the drawer; there were better things to look at now. He watched James smooth a clear serum over his face. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Have I told you that yet?"

"Maybe," James shrugged. "But I like hearing it, so we'll say no. And then I'll promptly forget so you can tell me again tomorrow."

"Clever." After scooting further down onto the mattress to stretch out, Kendall asked, "Are you gonna tell me what happened with Sherry?"

James met his gaze in the mirror. "Hopefully I got through to her. I think I did, she took my advice and offered to take Noah somewhere fun."

"The lake?"

"Mm-hm. It's not Disneyland, but it's a start."

"Kids don't always need huge amusement parks to have fun. Noah doesn't seem to do well in crowds anyway."

"Probably because he hasn't spent much time in them. I think church is as big as it gets for him."

"True, but my point is that something simple can be just as fun. He's excited about feeding ducks."

"He's excited about leaving the house in general," James pointed out. "But...yeah. I hope Pete takes pictures. That would make a great Christmas card."

"What? You don't want a family portrait? All of us dressed up like elves or something?"

"Stop it, Noah doesn't even believe in Christmas," James laughed.

"He does, actually. He just doesn't believe in Santa Claus. Christmas is Jesus' birthday."

"Oh. I guess it is."

"Yep. And listen, if you're not comfortable going to church, I'll go. Just once, to check it out and make sure it's not...you know. Some weird cult that teaches him it's evil to love whoever he wants."

"Kendall, it's a Catholic church. That's exactly what they're gonna teach him."

"Not necessarily. Churches are more open to new ideas these days."

James rolled his eyes. "Not a church Sherry goes to. But fine, I trust you to decide if it's damaging to Noah or something positive in his life. Just don't expect me to go."

"I won't. Now will you tell me what you said on the phone?"

A silver lid was tightened over the last container of cream before James twisted around on the tiny bench. "It wasn't an easy conversation. She...she actually cried."

"Good. I think it's good that she's showing emotion."

"Yeah. I hope so. Mostly I wanted her to know that Noah still loves her."

"And did you succeed?"

James breathed in deeply before relaying the conversation.


	54. Chapter 54

A/N—Hey all! Finally getting around to posting another chapter. This one picks up where the last left off, with the phone call between James and Sherry. Kendall and James are currently in the bedroom after Noah is asleep (just to remind you what's going on haha). This chapter marks the end of the main story; all future chapters will be the epilogue, and there will be either three or four of those. Obviously it's a long epilogue. :P

Thanks as always for reading this! It's been a long road from the moment Kendall found the courage to offer James a listening ear at Black Forest, but they've reached a good place. :)

* * *

 _It's Pete who answers, but that's no surprise since as far as they know it's his cell phone they've been calling. Does Sherry even have one? "Hey, it's James. Did you guys make it home?"_

" _Yeah, we're here. Sherry's..."_

" _Is she okay?"_

" _She's resting. Is Noah around?"_

" _Yeah, he's in the bath right now, Kendall's getting him out so he can talk to you guys. I wondered if I could speak to Sherry first, though."_

" _James, I don't think that's a good idea."_

" _Please, Pete. I'm not going to upset her."_

" _It won't matter what you say, she's already upset and talking to you is just going to make it worse."_

" _I just..." James sighs, wondering how to convey what it is he's feeling. "I want her to understand that this isn't the end of the road with Noah, that it's a new beginning. She has a chance to fix things, to start fresh and be the type of grandma he needs in his life. It doesn't take much. I know she loves him."_

" _She uh...she cried the whole way home," Pete admitted. "She was angry at the courthouse, but she's been crying ever since we left. She thinks he hates her."_

" _Exactly, and that's what I want to tell her. He doesn't. I want them to be close, just not...at my expense."_

" _She'll probably say no, but...hang on."_

 _James waits, hearing Noah laugh at something Kendall said that was probably silly. His love for these two could not deepen, and yet he knows that it will because as Kendall said, it's exponential. There's no cap to Mama Bear's love for her family. The notion makes him smile._

" _James?" Pete is back._

" _Yeah?"_

" _Don't expect anything. It took four tries for her to even consider talking to you. She's...just don't agitate her. Please."_

" _I'll do my best." He waits again, and it's only a short time before the voice he remembers from his early years comes over the line._

" _I don't have anything to say to you."_

" _That's fine, I just want you to listen." Before she can argue, he blurts, "One of my favorite memories is the time you showed me how to make a crust for apple pie."_

 _Silence greets that statement._

" _Remember that? You explained to me that it's important to make sure it covers the whole pan so that the apples inside don't dry out. And you showed me how to crack an egg without getting shells in the bowl. Shannon..." Emotion he hadn't been prepared for overwhelms him. "Shannon couldn't get it right, it took her two weeks to get that down. You made a joke about how ironic it was since she was the one people called an egghead, because she's so smart. But she couldn't break open an egg properly."_

 _Shallow breaths come through the phone. "Don't talk to me about my daughter."_

" _She loved you, you know. Back then. We all did. You were the mom that mine never could be, and even though we've been through hell and back in the years since, I'm grateful to you for giving me a place to feel like I belonged. Even for just a few years."_

" _Why are you torturing me like this?"_

" _I'm not, Sherry, I'm trying to make a point."_

" _What you're making is no sense."_

" _Okay, I'm not...listen. Here's what I'm trying to say. I want that for Noah. He already has good memories with you, I saw him talking about you to the judge. He's shared things with me, about how much he loves your corn and that he likes going to church. I know you'll never accept me for what I am. I burned that bridge the second you found out I'm gay. But that's fine, I don't need your approval. What my son needs is a grandmother who will give him the same love and acceptance you gave me before it all...fell apart. And it's not too late for that."_

" _Yes it is, you took him from me. I can't even see him, and that's your fault!"_

" _No, Sherry, it's yours. You alienated his mother, you alienated me, and by lying to him, you've alienated him as well. I wasn't the one who lied, I'm just the one who opened his eyes to the fact that you did."_

" _Because you're trying to turn him against me!"_

" _No! Have you heard anything I've been saying? I want him to know you and to love you. I want him to have happy memories of you and Pete. That's what grandparents are supposed to do, provide a place where he can be loved and spoiled and have fun! I know you've been the parent for five years and I'm sorry about that. If I'd known about him, I would've stepped up to help. But I didn't, and Shannon wasn't the best mother she could be, so you were forced into the role of parent. I appreciate that you did take care of him and raise him, but it's my time now. Let me take on all the worry and stress. You just be Grandma, that woman who is always so happy to see him and teaches him all your cooking secrets and takes him on adventures. The kid loves the zoo, you know. Take him out once in awhile. Treat him to ice cream at the parlor you used to take me and Logan and Shannon to. Where's that woman? Where did she go?" When Sherry didn't reply, he added, "I miss her. I want Noah to know her."_

 _The steel is gone from her voice. "How can he when I don't get to see him?"_

" _You do. You can, every month. That was his home for most of his life and I don't want him to lose that. Just...I know it's hard, but you have to face things you don't want to. You have to go to a counselor and talk about Shannon. That wasn't my decision, that was all the judge. I don't like to talk about Shannon. Noah doesn't, either. But if we don't...it's like she never lived. Logan and I...we miss her every day. I know you do, and I know Noah does. I think we all failed her in some ways, except Noah of course. But we all made mistakes. And...she made her own choices, Sherry. I can sit here and say it's your fault, you can sit there and say it's mine. Both of us are probably right to some degree. But it doesn't change anything, she's gone and we have to think about Noah now. Do you love him?"_

" _What kind of question is that? Of course I love my grandson!"_

" _Show him that. Maybe tell him, because my mom never did and it was all I ever wanted to hear. Don't spend every second with him criticizing and telling him all that he's doing wrong. That's how you ruined it with Shannon. You still have a chance with Noah, he still loves you and looks up to you."_

" _He thinks I'm bad. He said I'm bad."_

" _Because you lied. Stop lying, and only promise what you know you can deliver. Stop being so hateful toward me. He loves us both. Don't make him choose, because at this point we both know who he'd choose."_

" _Is that a threat?"_

" _No, Sherry, it's the truth. Go to therapy. Show him that he means enough to you to do that, to do anything it takes to see him again. It's not too late, you haven't lost him yet. He loves you."_

" _He doesn't say it."_

" _He doesn't say it to anyone, not even me or Kendall. That's why he needs to see a therapist. He's afraid to say the words out loud. We can all get him past that. Together. Can we please stop hating each other and work together?"_

" _I'm...I don't want to talk about this anymore."_

 _James sighs heavily. "Okay. I tried. It's up to you now. You know what you have to do to fix things. I hope for Noah's sake, and for yours, that you do. I'll go get Noah."_

" _Pete's going to talk to him first. I'm not..."_

" _It's okay. Hold on."_

" _James?!"_

 _The urgency she uses to speak his name has James halting on the way to the bathroom, where he assumes Noah is already dressed and waiting. "What?"_

" _Earlier today."_

" _Yeah?"_

" _You said...you told the judge you want to be a cook?"_

" _Yeah. It's...my dream. It has been for a long time."_

" _I know. You told me that when you were six. You said...'One day I'm gonna cook as good as you, Mrs. Carter. I'll cook you a big dinner with apple pie for dessert.'"_

 _James has no memory of that. "I...did?"_

" _You did."_

" _Well. If you uh...do what needs to be done. Maybe sometime you can come over with Pete, and I'll cook you a big dinner. With apple pie for dessert."_

 _It's Pete's voice James hears next, and that only after a long pause. James hopes Sherry has taken his words to heart._

* * *

"Wow. Babe. I'm so proud of you. You really have grown so much, even in the time we've been together. She doesn't deserve you."

James shrugged, the satin reflecting light back when his shoulder lifted. "Probably not. But Noah deserves a grandmother, so..."

"He has one. You are going to let her be part of his life, aren't you?"

"My mom? Yeah. She's...she wants to try, and...I mean, if Sherry gets a second chance, she certainly should."

"Agreed."

"And actually, Noah has three grandmothers now. Your mom's dying to be included in that."

"She will," Kendall grinned. "Which is good, because there's still so much I don't know about raising kids."

"Yeah, she'll definitely be the one we go to for advice. She's the only one who raised a perfect child."

"Oh, stop. It's all a matter of perception. To me, _you're_ the perfect man."

"Which is why we belong together," James reasoned. He mentally switched gears. "Babe, Noah's so happy. Did you see him when it was story time? The kid couldn't wait to get into that bed."

"Yeah. I was tempted to bring the Tickle Monster back, but I decided he could have one night off before I traumatize him again."

"Thanks," James laughed. "He doesn't need to be so hyper at bedtime." His head tilted. "Speaking of bedtime, I don't believe that's proper attire for bed."

Kendall glanced down at his t-shirt and jeans. "What's wrong with it?"

"You're not naked. Fix that."

"Why don't you? I'm comfy."

"Oh, so it's my job to undress you? Because I'm the Mama Bear?"

"Sure," Kendall shrugged. "Papa Bear's tired."

"And lazy."

"Also true."

Though James chuckled, Kendall saw that there was still something missing from his eyes. The peace he'd found for himself was still eluding James. "Hey. Talk to me."

"What? I thought we were about to get freaky."

"Not until I know you're okay. What's on your mind?"

"Your body."

"James..."

"Your mouth. I love what you do with—"

" _James._ Stop trying to distract me. Out with it."

"Ugh, why can't you just have sex with me like a normal person? Are you aware that I could go down to the club right now and find at least twenty guys who would fuck me and not ask about my feelings?"

"Oh, trust me, I'm very aware of that. Yet you're here with me. By choice. You love me because I make you talk. Talk to me."

James' body deflated, the frustration seeping out. "I'm scared."

"Of?"

"The future. Noah's future."

"That's normal. I'm worried we won't always make the right decisions, that we might screw him up somehow. I think that's every parent's fear."

"No, it's not like that. Though...thanks for giving me one more thing to worry about."

"Oh my god, stop it. We'll be fine, and so will he."

"But that's just it. What if he's not? If I fuck up and lose custody, he goes right back to Sherry."

"Babe, you're not gonna fuck up. I'm here with you."

"What if something happens to me?"

Kendall blinked a few times, trying to understand. "Like what?"

"Anything. You heard what the judge said, you're not a legal guardian. What if something happens to me and I die? Then he's got no parent, and he spends the rest of his life with Sherry anyway and she twists his memories about us and he ends up like Shannon, miserable and trapped."

"So...you're worried about what would happen to Noah if something happened to you?"

"Yes! I'm all he has, at least in the eyes of the law! You have no rights."

Kendall thought that over, his mind automatically looking for a solution to the problem. When it came to him, he felt stupid because it was so easy. "We got this."

"No, Kendall, we don't. You don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, or the next day. I could be hit by a train. A falling brick could land on my head and bam, lights out, it's over. Then what? Noah's all alone, with only psycho Grandma to take care of him. My mom sure as hell wouldn't."

"You don't know that," Kendall pointed out while sliding off the bed and onto his knees. He moved on them across the bedroom until he was in front of the bench, where James was still seated and now in a tizzy. "But even so, it's not a problem. I have a solution."

"Oh, really. Let me guess, you're gonna use your wizard magic to make the judge say Noah can live with you."

"Nope." Because it was all he had, Kendall dug into the pocket of his jeans for the gaudy ring he'd stashed in there earlier. "I'm gonna use this."

James raised a skeptical eye brow. "A toy. You're gonna use a plastic ring and do magic."

"Better. I'm going to propose to you right now, and we're going to get married. Once that's done, I'm going to adopt Noah, making him officially my child as much as yours. I'll just need you to agree to that, of course. Think it'll be a problem?"

Too late Kendall wished he'd thought this out ahead of time in order to have video to play back, because the shock on James' face was priceless. His jaw hung open, eyes twitching in their sockets. "Did you...are you...proposing? You're _proposing_?"

"Can you think of a better reason for me to be on my knees with a ring in my hand?"

"Kendall! Kendall, you asshole, I wasn't ready! You're supposed to warn me, I'm not...I can't...and with _that_?"

"Well, that's just temporary. We can shop for the actual rings this weekend. But I think it's perfect. Noah gave it to me as a way to keep him near, and that's what I'm doing by marrying you, so...what do you say? Marry me, I adopt Noah, and then I'm legally bound to both of you. No one can separate this family ever again. Will you marry me, James?"

He couldn't get the word out through the trembling of his lips. In typical James fashion, tears joined the party as well. He dragged Kendall against him and cried into Kendall's hair.

"Is that a yes?" Kendall smirked. "I just want to be sure."

"Fuck you," James whispered. "You're the most...aggravating, annoying, perfect man I've ever known."

"So...yes? I'm still not clear."

Kendall gasped as he was shoved onto his back. James' body trapped him to the lush carpet, sending his blood rushing to the place that seemed to wake up every time James touched him.

"Give me that."

James snatched the ring and shoved it onto his own pinky finger.

"I love you," Kendall smiled. "I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you and Noah are taken care of."

"Spoken like a true Papa Bear." James' face melted into happiness, along with that peace Kendall had been searching for earlier. "I love you, too. And in case you still aren't sure...yes."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. The answer is yes. Now lay here and let me show you what every night is going to be like for the next...forever years."

Kendall's breath drew in sharply as James moved against him. Forever in this moment sounded like paradise.

* * *

Kendall's gaze went to the diplomas and certificates lining the wall, and this time they weren't intimidating but instead reassuring. It was hard to believe that three months had passed since he'd last sat in this room, and what an amazing three months they'd been.

He was married now. They hadn't wanted to wait because James was right, you never knew what each day could bring. So a month into their new life together, he and James had exchanged vows in the presence of their closest friends and family (and of course Noah, who'd been ecstatic to hear their family was becoming a tighter unit). A silver band circled Kendall's ring finger and while it still felt foreign in some ways, in others it felt like he'd been born with it.

He never wanted to take it off.

Noah sat on his lap while James hovered behind them, anxiously waiting for the judge to speak. He'd been in a rush for this moment since the day Kendall moved in officially, and now that it was almost upon them he couldn't stand still.

The judge finished skimming the document before him and looked up with a smile. "Everything's in order."

James let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I mean, I didn't think it wasn't, I just..."

When he trailed off, the judge nodded. "I understand. You need peace of mind regarding Noah. Mrs. Carter is doing a little better, but this is reassurance that no matter what happens to you, Noah will be taken care of. However, I'd like to make sure Noah is fully aware of what is happening today." To the boy, he said, "Noah? Did your father explain to you what this means?"

"He said Kendall's going to be my daddy now."

"Both of us are," Kendall clarified. "Not just me."

James sank to his knees next to the chair and settled a hand on Noah's leg. "You want that, right baby? For us to be a real family?"

"I thought we were."

Kendall assured him, "We are. I'm married to Daddy, and you're his son. By signing this new paperwork, we're making it official that you're _my_ son, too. That's what adoption means. I'm choosing to be your other dad, and promising to take care of you and love you forever."

"Like when you married Daddy?"

"I guess it's sort of like that," Kendall mused. "I know the idea still scares you that something might happen to Daddy and you'd have to live with Grandma again. But since I'm adopting you, that makes me your official dad and if anything ever happened to him, you'd stay with me instead. I'm always gonna be here for you, Noah."

"Promise?"

"I swear it, baby. That's why we're here. I'm pledging to be your dad and take care of you forever. If that's what you want."

"I do!"

"Okay, then," Kendall smiled. "Let's do this. Where do I sign?"

"There's still one more thing to be decided," the judge informed them. "Noah, you have a choice today. Right now, your name is Noah Carter."

"Uh huh. Noah James Carter, that's my name."

"Yes. You can keep that name, or you can change the last part."

Noah frowned in confusion.

"Like the way I changed my name, baby," James explained. "When I married Kendall. I was James Diamond before, but now I'm James Knight. Because when you marry someone, you want the world to know you're connected. That you're family. I belong to Kendall now, so I took his name as my own."

"Noah," Kendall interrupted. He waited for Noah to look up at him to continue. "You don't have to. I know you miss your mom, and right now you still have her name. She's always gonna be your mom. And your grandma and grandpa have that name, too. Because they're family. Your daddy wanted to belong to me, so he changed his name to match mine. If you want to keep using Carter as your last name, I won't be upset. I'll understand."

Noah swallowed hard. "If I change my name, will we be family?"

"We already are, baby. No matter what you choose, I'm still adopting you and you'll still be my son."

"But if we have the same last name, everyone will know we're a family. Right?"

"They'll know that anyway. We'll make sure."

"Kay. I want the same name."

Kendall nodded. "Okay. So, Carter it is."

The judge touched the pen to the paper before Noah exclaimed, "No! I want Knight! I want the same name!"

James got it first. "You mean, you want the same name as me and Kendall. Not the same name as you have now."

"I want Knight!"

"It's okay," Kendall said as he hugged Noah. "You can be a Knight, too."

Noah whispered, "That way they can't take you away."

"Who?"

"The people who send you to families. You belong to us now, you can't go to other families."

Kendall sighed. Eventually he'd have to come clean about the whole not-being-a-wizard thing. For now, he nodded. "I won't. This is the only family I belong to."

"Kay." Noah faced the judge. "Can you make us all the same name?"

"I certainly can. Noah James Knight, how does that sound?"

"Yeah!"

Five minutes later the paperwork was signed, a picture was taken of the new family with their favorite judge, and Noah James Knight was bouncing as they stepped out of chambers and into a hall of the courthouse. He wasn't alone; James was practically walking on air.

"Feel better now?" Kendall asked.

" _So_ much better. The relief is just...ugh. It's fine now. He's safe."

Kendall twined their fingers. "He is. I promise he always will be, as long as I'm around."

Walking ahead of them, Noah stopped and spun around on one foot. "So you're my daddy now?"

"I'm one of them," Kendall nodded.

"Should I call you Daddy?"

They slowed as they got closer to Noah. "That might get confusing," Kendall pointed out. "If you want to keep calling me Kendall, that's fine."

"You don't want me to call you Daddy?" Noah's lower lip was shoving out into a pout.

"No, baby, it's not that. We just wouldn't know who you're calling."

"Would it matter?" James questioned.

"It might."

James rolled his eyes and bent down to one knee. "How about you call me Daddy and him...?" He looked up at Kendall. "Papa?"

Kendall smirked. "Dad is fine."

"Oh come on, Papa is perfect."

"Nope, then we'd have to call you Mama."

James grimaced. He faced Noah and said, "Dad it is. So I'm Daddy and he's Dad. Does that work? We're both daddies but it's less confusing."

"Kay! And I'm Noah! Noah James Knight!"

"Yes, you are," Kendall laughed. He reached down to pick up Noah before dragging James into a standing position. James didn't let go of his hand, and Kendall was fine with that. "Let's go home, Noah James Knight."

"Can we go to the cabin first? I want hot chocolate!"

"Ooo, can we, Dad? I could go for a latte myself."

Kendall shook his head with a grin. These two were definitely going to be a handful.

But all in all, it felt pretty damn good to be a dad.


	55. Chapter 55

A/N—Hello again! We're back for the end of the story, which will take 3 or 4 chapters to get through. I'm so happy everyone seemed to like the last chapter. It was one of my favorites to write. :) Now we're going to check in and see how the Knights are faring in the future. Thank you as always for reading!

* * *

 _ **TEN YEARS LATER**_

Noah Knight hopped off the crowded city bus with a spring in his step. There was a smile on his face that had been there for most of the day, and even now he couldn't make it go away because after two weeks, it was finally happening. The day was _finally_ here.

Dad was coming home.

The timing couldn't be more perfect: Daddy's birthday tomorrow, his own Saturday (not to mention the awards show for Daddy), the fantastic news that he still had to share with both parents, and the excitement of inviting Dad along to Space Camp. Really, this day couldn't get any better.

Only it would, because _everything_ was better when Dad was home.

"Ah, Mr. Noah, I see that today is a good day!"

Noah glanced over and laughed as he neared the Pembroke's entrance. "It is, Harvey. How could you tell?"

"I can always tell when Mr. Kendall's coming home because both you and your father wear that same smile all day. Shall I not expect your assistance this evening?"

Noah's steps faltered; he hated to disappoint Harvey.

"Noah. It's quite all right, spend the time with your family. I'm not going anywhere, and you're not obligated to stand down here every evening and keep an old man company."

"But it's only an hour, Dad will understand if I—"

A hand squeezing his shoulder stopped the argument. "I won't hear of it. Your father's been gone for two weeks, and where you belong is with your family. Get upstairs, Mr. Knight has already called down here twice to see if you've come in yet." Harvey offered a conspiratorial wink. "I do believe he's a bit excited."

Noah grinned. "Understatement. We have a big dinner planned for Dad and he probably needs my help. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. Thanks, Harvey!" he added as he jogged toward the elevator.

Harvey watched him go with a soft smile. It always pleased him to see his favorite residents happy.

* * *

Noah hadn't even closed the front door yet when his father let out a groan of relief. "Finally! Did you miss your bus? I could've picked you up!"

"No, Daddy, you needed to be here setting up dinner. Which...oh my god, that smells amazing. Are we having fried chicken?" Noah dropped his backpack near the door and shrugged out of a light jacket to greet the forever-tiny terrier they'd adopted nine years before that was pawing at his knees for attention.

"Duh! I made mashed potatoes, too, and whipped up some garlic butter. I was gonna go with asparagus since he likes that, but I decided on corn since you like it, so—uh uh, buddy." James pointed his finger at the backpack and jacket thrown on top. "Don't even think about leaving that on the floor. You know I keep a clean house."

Having been about to walk away to help his father, Noah rolled his eyes and doubled back. "Yes, Master. Harvey said you were asking about me, what do you need?"

"Can you sweep the dining room really quick, baby? And take out the trash? I was going to but the grocery store was crowded and then the bakery didn't have our pies ready so I had to wait and now I'm afraid the chicken won't be done in time and the floor is a mess and I was hoping to get a shower in before he showed up but now I'm thinking I won't even have time for that and I'm a complete mess and—"

Halfway through all of that Noah dropped his bag again to rush to his father, enfolding him in arms that were almost as long as his; Noah was still growing, but quickly approaching his father's tall height at the age of fifteen. "Daddy. It's fine. Everything's gonna be fine, I promise. I'm here to help now. We got this."

James let out a long breath, relaxing against his son. "I know. I just...you know how I get when he's gone too long. Two weeks has been hell."

"I know, Daddy, trust me. I hate it, too. But he promised he'd be home for at least a week this time, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so we're gonna enjoy that week and he'll be home for dinner every night and we get movie time and game nights and..." Noah took a step back with an encouraging smile, wiping away a tear that had escaped because for some reason his father was an overemotional creature. "It'll be great, Daddy. He'll be home in...uh, what time is it?"

James cleared his throat before glancing at the microwave clock. "Carlos should be picking him up in fifteen minutes. He's supposed to call when he lands, so...soon. Any second now, actually." Like the sun coming out, James' worries dissipated and his face cleared; happiness brightened his eyes and tugged his lips up. "Baby. Dad's coming home."

"I know! Let me put away my stuff and then I'll help you with whatever you need, okay?"

"Okay."

"Oh, and I'm not going down with Harvey tonight. He's fine with it."

"Good, I just want to spend the evening with my boys. No outside distractions. I invited Carlos to stay for dinner, but he said no. Probably because he knows me and even though I'd never say it to his face, I want it to be just us."

"Also probably because they have to work tonight and need sleep," Noah pointed out. He bent down to pick up his pack off the floor. "Let me know when Dad calls!"

"I will, baby," James chuckled. Noah was almost to his bedroom when James called out, "Wait! Did you get in? Did they call you?"

Noah spun back with a secret smile on his face. "Maybe."

"Noah James, don't you dare play games with me. Did you get into that choir or not?"

"I'm gonna save that highly-classified information for dinner. I want to tell you both at once."

That answer, paired with Noah's expression, told James everything he needed to know. Pride filled him, and he turned up the volume on his phone to hum along with the classical music that centered him when he cooked.

 _Everything_ was better when his boys were home.

* * *

It felt like forever before Kendall could escape everyone and be alone for five seconds to think. Josh tried to follow him out of the building but Kendall raised a hand. He had too much going on and no time for a schmoozing session, not even with a well-meaning associate. Josh pretty much idolized him and it would always feel weird to Kendall, but he supposed it was a good thing since Josh wanted to carry on his work when he retired.

Eventually. There was still too much to be done, too many families in crisis, too much sadness and pain waiting to be healed. It would be a very long time before Kendall could walk away from that.

Today's court hearing had been grueling; the judge placed on this family's case seemed to have it out for Kendall's client, who had made many mistakes in life and finally understood that if he didn't change, he'd never see his kids again. He _had_ changed, was working every day to better himself for his children, but the judge seemed to think it was all an act. An act for what purpose Kendall would never understand, and that part didn't really matter; what did matter was convincing the man that his client loved his children and was genuine in his efforts to become a good father.

Which was requiring all of Kendall's time.

But for now, he had to put it out of his head. He had a flight to catch in two hours or he'd never make it home in time for James' birthday. The judge had already extended the hearing today and attempted to continue it the following day. Kendall only hoped he hadn't hurt his client's case by refusing that due to a "prior commitment." Nobody needed to know that commitment had nothing to do with work, right?

Instead the judge had agreed to a Friday morning appointment, which meant Kendall would have to fly out again late the following evening. James wouldn't be happy about that, but what could Kendall do? Let his client down? Surely James of all people would understand what the man was going through in his quest to win back visiting rights for his children.

Standing on the steps of a courthouse in a city that had been foreign to him only two weeks before, Kendall shifted a briefcase to his right hand and pulled out his phone to call for a car. The latest notification caught his eye.

 _Missed call from Carlos Mitchell_

Carlos? Why would Carlos be calling him? Surely James had told Carlos of the flight change?

Kendall was halfway to returning the call when it hit him. A wave of panic swept through him.

"Shit. Shit shit shit please no, please please please tell me I didn't—"

A quick scroll through his most recent calls showed him that he had, in fact, forgotten to call James. Which meant James was sitting at home right this second expecting him to walk through the door in less than an hour. Instead, Kendall was halfway across the country.

 _Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._

Heaviness filled his chest. This wasn't a conversation he needed to be having with some random driver listening in. He looked back toward the courthouse, where his client and Josh were just coming out the front entrance. They waved as they caught his eye, and he pasted on a fake smile. "See you Friday!" he called out.

Josh looked as if he was going to approach, so Kendall headed toward the side of the building. There he found a bench and not many people. It was the best he could do.

Carlos was his first priority, because his poor best friend was probably waiting for him at a crowded airport for no reason. "Hey," he started.

"Dude, where are you? Your flight landed twenty minutes ago and I can't find you. Are you still upstairs?"

Kendall licked his lips. "So I owe you dinner. Probably dessert, too. I'm...taking a later flight. Tonight."

Five seconds of silence. "What?!"

"Carlos, I'm sorry. The judge extended our hearing today and I had to take a later flight, so I won't be home until almost midnight. I feel so bad, you went all the way down there and—"

"Why didn't James tell me?"

Kendall's bottom lip hurt from biting it so hard. "Because...I didn't tell him. I forgot to call, things were crazy at the courthouse and I thought I called, I remember thinking that I would do it when we had our first break in the session but—"

"You...hold on. You _forgot_? You didn't call James? Kendall, it's his birthday tomorrow, you have to be—"

"I know, and I'll be there in time. I made sure my flight would be home by midnight, okay? Don't make it sound like I forgot my husband's birthday. I'm not an asshole." And why was he so defensive about this?

"Dude, calm down. Nobody said you're an asshole. It's just...man, they're gonna be so disappointed. They miss you, you know."

"Carlos, I will be there tonight. It's a few hours, not a big deal. They'll understand. And I'll be there for James' birthday, which is what really matters. Right?" Carlos was quiet long enough that Kendall repeated, "Right?"

"Sure, man. That's what matters." Carlos didn't sound convinced, though. "So we have to work overnight, I can't pick you up later. You cool to get a car or something?"

"James will come get me. I just have to call him."

"Yeah, good luck with that. See you tomorrow for his birthday dinner. Logan and I both took the night off for it. You _are_ gonna be able to make that, right?"

"Of course, I can find a flight out after. They'll just have to drop me off at the airport on the way home."

"Wait, I thought James said you were coming home for a week this time."

"Yeah, well..." Kendall sighed. "Plans changed. This family needs me."

"Right. One of the many who do. See you tomorrow. Have a safe flight."

"Thanks, man. And I really am sorry you went all the way down there for nothing. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Yeah, I'll call ahead to make an appointment. Isn't that the only way to see you these days?"

A stabbing sensation pierced Kendall's heart. "Carlos...that's...why...?"

"Forget it, it's not my business. Just get home safely and get there in time for James' birthday. Please."

"I will."

"Good. Tomorrow, then."

Carlos clicked off to leave Kendall slightly stunned. What had crawled up his ass and died? What was the big deal, he was a few hours late? Yes, he'd forgotten to call James and he knew he'd catch hell for that, but it wasn't like it affected James or Noah; it was Carlos who had driven out of his way for no reason.

Kendall braced himself for the second phone call, which he knew would be the harder one. Of course James and Noah would be disappointed, but they'd understand. He was helping others as he'd once helped them (in a limited capacity, but he still felt he'd been a help ten years ago).

He was greeted with so much joy and excitement it would've knocked him over had it been in person. "Babe! Hi! I'm so glad you called, I was starting to worry that something happened on your flight. You're good, though? You're safe and everything's fine?"

Even through his trepidation, James' happiness made him smile. "I'm good and safe and everything's fine."

"Okay, I can breathe again," James laughed. He did just that, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. "Did Carlos find you?"

"I uh...I just got off the phone with Carlos. Babe, I'm so sorry, I'm still here in Boston."

"You're...what? You're in Boston? What happened? Was your flight delayed? Why didn't you call and tell me?"

"I meant to." Kendall hesitated, realizing that James had given him a perfect out. He could say the flight had been delayed and it was out of his control and they'd never know the difference. He could save himself and his family a bit of drama with just one tiny little lie. For a moment it was tempting, and then sanity reasserted itself when he remembered that he'd raised Noah to always tell the truth. "I had to switch to a later flight, the judge on this case is impossible and extended our hearing. I'm sorry, James. But I'll be home by midnight, so I won't miss your birthday."

"Oh."

The silence after that was like a thousand needles pricking into his brain. He wished James would just _say_ something because the nothing was deafening. "Babe? You still there?"

"Yeah, of course, it's...and you're staying a week, right?"

Kendall's heart sank. "That changed, too. I'll have to come back tomorrow night, but not until after your birthday dinner. I made sure to tell the judge I wasn't available at all tomorrow, so we can spend the whole day together. I'll be there for your birthday."

"Oh, okay. So uh...when does your flight come in?"

"I'm scheduled to arrive at 11:35 local time. I know it's late but I was hoping you'd come get me? You don't have plans, right?"

"No. I'll be there. Just text me the flight info."

"You got it. I really am sorry I didn't call sooner, I thought I did. I planned to and then...things got crazy."

"I understand. So I'll see you tonight?"

"You know it. I miss you."

The answer was a long time coming, and it was in a stronger tone than Kendall expected; usually James was almost in tears by the end of their phone conversations because James really did miss him like crazy and Kendall knew that. "I miss you, too. I'll see you tonight."

"Thanks, babe. I knew you'd understand. Give Noah a hug for me, okay?"

"You can do that yourself. Just...call me. If anything changes."

"Nothing's gonna change, James. I'll be home tonight."

"Kay. See you then."

"I love—" was as far as he got before a beeping interrupted, signaling James had ended the call. Kendall let out a tense breath, hating that he hadn't gotten to say the thing James needed to hear most. He sent it over text instead, and followed the words with a green heart.

" _I love you."_

A reply came back, and Kendall smiled.

" _I love you too."_ This heart was deep red, James' favorite color.

Everything was fine.

* * *

James barely managed to press the hang-up button before breaking down. He fought for calm, trying to drive out all of the terrifying thoughts that had been building up and were now rushing him at light speed. His deepest fear seemed to be coming true, one day at a time.

He was losing his family.

Kendall was only one third of that, but all it took was one of them to tip the scales and cause the breakdown of what held him together day in and day out.

His family did that. And now Kendall was finding his purpose elsewhere.

A chime from his phone had him looking down to see the words he longed to hear most.

" _I love you."_

Kendall had attached his green heart to the end of it, the same heart Noah used because it was their shared favorite color. At least Kendall still knew what to say and when to say it.

But for how long? Already the two-day trips were stretching into a week, and this time? This time it had been two _weeks_. How much longer before it became a month, or Kendall spent all of his time traveling and only made it home for birthdays and (hopefully) Christmas?

It occurred to James that Kendall would know something was wrong if he didn't answer, so he typed out a reply and sent it, then dropped his phone to the kitchen counter. The sound of chicken sizzling in a frying pan reminded him he'd been in the middle of cooking (and for what? Kendall wasn't coming home for dinner). He shut off the flame under that, did the same for the corn that was boiling, and proceeded to fall apart while hunched over the smooth surface of the new counter Kendall had paid for as a Christmas present the year before.

He vaguely heard the front door close when Noah returned from taking out the trash.

"Did Dad call yet? Is he—Daddy! Daddy, what's wrong, are you okay?"

And then Noah was there, his big strong son who was so like him but also enough like Kendall to know exactly what he needed. James let it go, crying into Noah's shoulder while Noah rubbed his back and held him tight.

"He's not coming, is he?"

James couldn't answer right away.

"Is he okay? He's safe?"

"Yeah," James whimpered before sobs overtook him again.

"Son of a—" Noah muttered.

"Noah, no, don't...it's not his fault. He had to—"

"It doesn't matter what he had to do, Daddy. He's not here. We're not important to him anymore."

"Baby, we are, he's coming home tonight, just...later."

Noah shook his head, angry. "And what about dinner? What about all this work you put into making his favorite meal? What about the news you were gonna surprise him with? He can't even be here to celebrate your success?"

"He doesn't know about that." James moved away enough to wipe his eyes. "Maybe if I'd told him sooner, he would've said no to Friday and he could still go with us Saturday, but—"

"Wait a second." Noah crossed his arms over his chest and stood up straighter. "You're telling me he won't be here Saturday? That he's gonna miss your awards show?"

"It's fine, we can still go, you and me." It really wasn't fine, but for Noah's sake James would pretend it was. He reached for a paper towel. "I'm sure he just forgot about the awards, he has so much on his mind and—"

"And he just forgot about my birthday, too?"

"Of course he didn't. He said Friday, so maybe he's planning to come back Saturday morning in time for everything. I didn't ask, there wasn't a lot of time because he had to get ready for his flight, but—"

"No, Daddy. _No_. I know him. He's not coming Saturday. He'll spend the weekend in Boston preparing for Monday's...whatever it is they have to do, and..."

"Noah. He wouldn't miss your birthday. You're the most important thing in the world to him."

Noah shook his head again. "Which is why he'll 'make it up to me.' When it's convenient for him. Except lately we're never convenient, we're just that family he saved and forgot about."

"You know that's not true, he loves us."

"For how much longer, Daddy? At this point we're just the family that takes away from his mission to save the world. Fuck him. We don't need him." Noah spun on his heel and headed for the door.

"Noah! Where are you going?"

"Comet needs to go out." He grabbed the dog's leash, bending down to secure it while trying not to think about the day his dad helped him pick Comet out at the shelter. Comet had loved Kendall first, trusting him on sight and proving to Noah that he was the perfect dog for their family; James had agreed with Noah that any dog smart enough to trust the man who kept them safe belonged in their home. "And I need a walk. I'll be back."

James said nothing. Though the sobbing had stopped, tears still occasionally leaked from both eyes.

Noah turned back just before closing the door. "Daddy? Are you okay? Do you need me to stay?"

James was filled with a deep sadness that was no longer borne of fear, but instead acceptance of a truth Noah had known and James had been unwilling to consider before now. Kendall's place wasn't with them anymore, but elsewhere. "I'll be okay," he answered.

"I can stay if you need me to."

"No, baby, Comet does need to go out. Just...don't be gone all night, okay? You know I worry."

"I do," Noah nodded, a tiny smile surprising both of them. "It's one of the things I love most about you. Call me if you need me. I won't go far."

* * *

James laid in bed, letting it all out while a freshly-cleaned pillow case soaked up his tears. Carlos called in that time, and soon after Logan did as well. James ignored both, knowing they were worried about him because they saw what Noah did, what he'd attempted to block out and Kendall probably wasn't even aware of: Kendall didn't need them anymore.

The fact that he'd lived through this before, _twice_ in fact, didn't make it any easier to accept. He'd never expected it of Kendall; he thought Kendall understood how it made him feel to lose the people he loved most and that Kendall would always be there. Of course, he'd thought his mother would always be there, too, and Shannon as well. Would Noah one day follow the same course? Was he just destined to love people who would eventually abandon him?

But that wasn't fair. Noah would become an adult and live his own life, and that was how things worked. James wouldn't begrudge him that. Kendall, though...Kendall had pledged to stay at his side forever. Kendall had promised to protect him and Noah as long as he lived. Yes, they were physically safe. Emotionally? Not so much. They'd adapted; he and Noah had a routine that Kendall wasn't really part of, and it felt more now like Kendall's presence was the anomaly. Even when Kendall _was_ in town, he worked so late that James was lucky to see him before bed. Most nights he couldn't stay awake and was brought back from sleep by demanding hands and lips, and at least they still had that going for them. At least Kendall still seemed to enjoy his body.

But what about when Kendall was out of town? Was he fulfilling that need with...

 _Don't. Don't go there, James. He calls you most nights, you know he's alone._

And yet some nights he _wasn't_ alone. How many calls had there been where Josh was around, because sharing a hotel room was cheaper? James had met Josh enough times to know that the young man was smitten with Kendall—with his ideals, his goals, his vision to bring families together. As far as James knew Josh wasn't into guys, but with the way he idolized Kendall? All it would take was an inviting smile from those perfect lips and the innate charm Kendall carried with him, and he'd bet Josh would come running in a second, eager to shed his clothes for Kendall.

 _Stop it. Kendall loves you, you_ know _he does. He_ said _he does. He misses you, he said it first!_

But that only went so far, because Kendall's actions didn't back up those words. If Kendall missed him that much, wouldn't he be here right now? Wouldn't he say no to everything else and spend the week at home he'd promised to? Didn't he care that he was missing the most important years of their son's life?

They hadn't discussed it on the phone, but surely Kendall was planning to come back for Noah's birthday. James could believe that Kendall would forget about the awards show, but not that. Noah was still the number one thing in Kendall's life, right?

 _Right?_

It was a mark of how badly his faith in Kendall was shaken that James couldn't even say that with certainty.

 _I want my family back. I want to just go back in time to when we got married and he adopted Noah and everything was perfect. We were enough for him back then. I just want us to be enough again._

Noah had been gone almost an hour when James' last tears dried. He thought he could face the world now, and would learn how to do it without Kendall if that proved to be the case. In truth, it was already starting to be the case. He just needed to do what he always did in this situation: shut down his heart. He couldn't be a good father if he was crying all the time. Noah was his priority, and he'd do what it took to take care of his son.

Alone.

James found his phone and called downstairs. Harvey assured him that both Noah and Comet were there, and that they were safe. He sighed in relief. Noah would come up when he was ready.

Fried chicken and half-boiled corn went into the trash can. Tonight they'd head over to the diner for corn dogs after Noah finished his homework. James would spend that time researching music and a new dish for his next edition of "Classical Cooking." Maybe he'd even catch a nap before driving out to the airport, because if Kendall wasn't too tired there might be a round of birthday sex.

At least Kendall was still good for that, right?


	56. Chapter 56

A/N—Well, as you can see from the last chapter, things aren't perfect in the Knight household. I'm sorry that it went from a "happily ever after" ending to this in ten years, but the reality is that sort of thing happens a lot. There are two more chapters after this one, so hopefully the family can work things out! As always, thank you for reading!

* * *

Comet sat obediently by Noah's feet. He wore a leash because it was the law, but really he wasn't the type to run off and Noah knew that; he held the leash loosely in his grasp while Harvey pointed out a new couple exiting the elevator.

"That's Mr. and Mrs. Gunther, they moved into 807 yesterday. No pets, no children, and five people on their approved visiting list."

Noah committed them to memory as they approached. As usual, Comet stared up curiously but stayed in place.

"Afternoon, Mr. Gunther. Mrs Gunther."

"Hello, Harvey," the man smiled. "We were actually wondering if—"

His wife's gasp interrupted the question. "What an adorable dog! Look at his ears, the way they stand straight up like that!"

"That's his curious face," Noah shared. "You're new but not a threat, so he wants to know more."

"He's so precious. Am I allowed to pet him?"

"Yeah, he loves attention. Comet, this is Mrs. Gunther. Say hello."

Comet raised his right paw for Mrs. Gunther to shake and she exploded into squeals of delight. "Harvey, is this family? Your grandson, perhaps?"

"No, ma'am, this is Noah. He's a resident. He assists me most afternoons." Comet barked, and Harvey added, "Yes, Comet assists me as well. We did not forget about you."

"I always feel bad for him, being down here all day by himself," Noah explained. "I think I started hanging around when I was seven, and Harvey just never had the heart to tell me I'm annoying."

"Nonsense, Noah," Harvey laughed. "I quite enjoy the company. You had a question, Mr. Gunther?"

"Oh, yes. We don't know the area yet and were wondering if you could suggest a place for dinner. We're thinking not too fancy, just something quick and casual."

"The diner two blocks down," Noah piped up. "Best corn dogs in the world, and their burgers aren't bad either. My dad says their chicken salads are great, too."

After Harvey directed them and sent them on their way, he nudged Noah. "Better be careful or you'll be stuck in this job when I retire. You're certainly good enough at it."

"I could think of worse jobs," Noah admitted. "But I still say they need to get you a chair. It's not good for you to be on your feet for twelve hours a day, Harvey."

"They've offered and I politely declined. I prefer to stand, it gives off a more professional air."

Before Noah could respond, Comet erupted into barks. When they followed the direction of his gaze, they noted a man spinning on his heel to wander away from the entrance.

"Fantastic job, Mr. Comet!" Harvey exclaimed. "You remembered that Mr. Ingram is no longer allowed in the building! Just for that, you get a treat." He reached under a podium to retrieve the bag of dog treats he kept there. As the danger had passed, Comet stopped barking and got up on his hind legs for the morsel, which Harvey bent down to pop into his mouth.

"You realize that's the only reason Comet likes to come down here, right?"

"Well, he does his part. He deserves it." Harvey returned to his post and greeted another resident, who nodded at Noah along the way.

"Daddy said she tried to come on to him a few weeks ago," Noah whispered. "In the elevator."

"Ah, I believe it. She's lonely and your father is very handsome." Harvey waited a beat to mention, "I did not see Mr. Kendall come in, and you're down here. Is he not arriving?"

Noah tensed up. "No. Not until tonight. He had something _more important_ to do and changed his flight."

"I see." Ever tactful, Harvey tried, "I imagine that was disappointing for both of you."

"Whatever. Just as long as he doesn't miss Daddy's birthday."

"Which is tomorrow, correct?"

"Yep."

They spoke to a man exiting the building, then Harvey returned his attention to the discussion. "I may be a few minutes late to the dinner, depending on traffic. But I'll be there."

"At least I know we can count on _you_."

Harvey shifted his weight to the other foot. "Two weeks is a long time."

"I don't know why he even bothers to come home anymore. It's not like he ever stays more than a day or two."

"Now Noah, that is a slight exaggeration."

" _Slight_ being the key word there."

Harvey sighed. "Have you spoken to him about your feelings?"

"Like what?" Noah glanced over at Harvey. "Like I should say 'Hey Dad, you're never around anymore and Daddy cries himself to sleep every night and I feel like you don't care about us. Just thought you should know.'"

"Why not? If that's true of your father, I think Mr. Kendall would like to know."

"Well, _Mr. Kendall_ would know if he ever asked. Or came home. Or remembered we exist once in awhile."

It took Harvey some time to figure out how to respond to that in a way that wouldn't set Noah off. "You know, Noah...I see your father's face when he comes home from these trips. He's tired, he's stressed, but once he steps into this lobby...he's home. He hugs me and gives me whatever souvenir he's picked up for me, tells me a little about the city he came from. Always asks after you both, as if he thinks perhaps neither of you would tell him if something was wrong. I assure him that everything is wonderful, and when he walks away toward that elevator he's a different man than he was before he came in. I think you two mean more to him than you realize."

"Look, Harvey, I know what you're trying to say but...if that was true, he'd be here right now. Daddy wouldn't be upstairs crying and pretending everything's fine when it isn't. Dad should know this stuff."

"I agree with you, but keep in mind that he can't know it if no one tells him."

"We shouldn't have to. He should be here."

"Then let him know it's a problem that he's not."

Noah's hands wrung together, fingers twisting around themselves as they always did when he was nervous or facing something he would rather ignore. "I'm gonna take Comet around the block again before I go back upstairs. If that's okay."

"Of course it is. If you need anything, either you or your father, please don't hesitate to call."

A wan smile stretched Noah's lips. "Thanks, Harvey. You're kind of awesome, you know that?"

"Awesome? Well, that's a new one. I shall add it to my list."

* * *

Noah's eyes were wet by the time they reached the street corner. Damn Harvey for always being able to see right through him. There was no doubt he'd known the second Noah showed up that something was wrong.

Just like Dad always used to do. How many times had he tried to hide his feelings from Dad, and with no success? Dad could read him like a book.

Or used to, anyway. Lately Dad never stopped working long enough to really look at Noah and see something was wrong. Daddy hadn't said it out loud, but he was feeling neglected, too. Instead Daddy spent his time trying to convince Noah that things were fine, Dad still loved them, that things would get better.

Noah knew that wasn't the case. He was smart, he'd seen the pattern over the years and noted the way it sped up in the last two, especially. Dad had gained nation-wide attention for his five-year streak of never losing at a child custody hearing and now he was in high demand running his own practice, being paid to fly all over the country to "save families."

The tragedy was that his own was rapidly falling apart.

Was Noah proud of him? Sure. Even after he'd grown up enough to realize his father wasn't an actual wizard, he continued to worship the man for the miracle worker he was—not just to Noah and James, but to the other families who'd given up hope. There was no question that Kendall Knight, Esq., was saving the world, and for that Noah _was_ proud.

He just wished his dad would spread some of that magic back their way. Seeing Daddy cry was almost as bad as Mom dying had been.

"Just be there Saturday," he muttered under his breath as he let Comet lead him. "Be there for Daddy or I'll kill you."

" _Then let him know it's a problem that he's not."_

Harvey's well-intentioned words came back to haunt him. The man was right—Kendall might not even realize how important this award was to Daddy, because would Daddy tell him? No. Daddy would say he understood and pretend everything was fine. And life would go on like this, like it had been for two years and where would they be in another two? In five?

It was almost funny to realize that the one sure way to get Dad's attention would be for Daddy to file for divorce and petition for sole custody. Then Dad would be on the other side of the judge, as the filing party. That would sure wake Dad up, wouldn't it?

Noah didn't want it to go that far. Dad needed to understand now just how much he was hurting this family. And if he didn't care? Well, then they'd know. Like he'd told Daddy, they didn't need Dad if that was the case. It was time to lay it on the line.

Dad answered his call on the fourth ring. "Noah? Baby, is everything okay?"

The fact that hearing from him was a cause for alarm further cemented how little they spoke these days. "No, Dad. Everything's not okay."

"What's going on? I just got to the terminal and I have some time before my flight, talk to me."

 _Talk to me._ That was Dad's weapon to pry the truth out of Noah, and it never failed. "Hang on, let me...just hold on." He and Comet had made it halfway around the block. Across the street was a small park that Comet loved to explore. "How long do you have?"

"We start boarding in twenty minutes. I'm here."

 _But you're not._ "Okay, give me a minute to cross the street."

"Cross the street? Where are you?"

"Walking Comet. Just...hold on."

"Where's Daddy? Is he okay?"

"Dad, just hold on!"

Noah really didn't want to have this conversation in a public place, but he couldn't do it at home; Daddy would overhear. Luckily the park wasn't crowded at this time of day. He wandered toward a deserted set of bushes that Comet favored. "Okay, I'm at the park."

"The one by The Pembroke?"

"Yes. Dad...just tell me this. Will you be home Saturday? Daddy said you have to leave again tomorrow night and—" His voice broke and he cursed it for giving away emotion. "—and I just need to know if—"

"Noah. Stop right there. Do you really think I'd miss your birthday?"

 _Honestly? You don't want to know._ "I don't care about my birthday. I just care about Daddy. He really needs you with him on that red carpet."

Three seconds of silence preceded, "Red carpet?"

Noah's eyes fell shut. He sank down on a bench, grip tightening around the leash. "You forgot. Daddy's biggest night of the year, of his _life_ , and you forgot."

"Noah, I don't...I didn't...oh. Oh! The awards thing, right? For his show?"

"Yes! He's nominated for Best Food Vlog, it's huge in that industry! How could you forget?"

"I didn't forget, I've just got so much on my mind right now that—"

"Well, forget about all that! Daddy needs you!" Tears reached the surface. "Daddy always needs you, you _know_ that."

"Noah, I need you to calm down. Daddy's fine, I just talked to him an hour ago and—"

"And what? He told you it was totally fine that you didn't call? Totally fine that he spent all day cooking and shopping and putting together your favorite dinner to surprise you with that you couldn't even make it home for?"

"Oh. Okay, no, I didn't know that. He didn't tell me—"

"He doesn't tell you anything! He doesn't want to be a bother, Dad! He misses you so much every single day and—"

"I know that, Noah." Kendall's voice was hardening, probably from guilt.

 _Good, let him feel guilty_. "Do you?"

"Yes! You think I don't miss him? That I don't miss _you_? Every night when I lay down in some random hotel bed it's you two I'm thinking about. You two I'm wishing I could be with."

"You can! It's your choice!"

"It's not that simple, baby."

"Yes, it is! I walked in today to find him crying in the kitchen. He was devastated, Dad!"

"What? He was fine on the phone."

"I told you, he lies! Or maybe he's just trying to convince himself with the lies, I don't know. But he's not okay. We had so much to tell you tonight, there's so much you don't know because you're never here. And now tomorrow we have to cram it all in after I get out of school and before his birthday dinner, and then you're just flying out again?"

"Noah. Where is he right now?"

"Home, I told you."

"You left him? When he was crying?"

"He stopped. I needed to get out because I was pissed off, and he told me to go."

"Fuck," Kendall muttered. "Go home now. I'll be there as soon as I can, but I don't want to leave him alone like that."

"Then you should be here. Dad...we miss you. He pretends like it's fine but it isn't. He was offered a deal. A network deal. They want to give him a real show on an actual network and he's freaking out and doesn't know what to do and he has to give them an answer by morning. We'll have to move if he accepts. He really needed to talk it over with you tonight and you're not here."

"A...a network? Like on television?"

"Yeah, Dad. It's huge."

"Why didn't he tell me?"

"Because you've always got so much on your mind and he doesn't want to bother you while you're working. I got into that advanced choir."

"You did? Noah, I'm so proud of you!"

"Uncle Logan got me a trip to Space Camp for my birthday. He paid for the family thing so he and I could go together, but they found out last night there's a work conference he and Uncle Carlos have to be at. So I was hoping I could take you instead. But you know what? You'll probably be too busy. I'll take Daddy."

"Noah, wait, no, just tell me when it is and I'll—"

"And you'll what? Put all your cases on hold for an entire week? No, Dad. You can't do that. Other families need you."

"Baby..."

"We were gonna talk about all of this during dinner tonight, but that's not happening, so...figured I should just tell you everything now before you forget about us again."

"Okay, stop it. Stop that right now."

"What? Telling the truth? Isn't that what you taught me, Dad? Always tell the truth." Noah didn't stop the tears that spilled over. Dad needed to know they were happening.

The sound of heavy breathing came over the line. Dad was either super pissed and trying to stay calm or...well, it was probably too much to ask that he'd be realizing Noah actually _was_ speaking the truth.

"I know it was a long time ago, but do you know what I think about when I see Daddy crying because he misses you? When I go to bed and you're not there to say goodnight and tuck me in like I'm still five years old? When you cancel trips home to be with other people?"

"Noah...baby, please try to understand that—"

"I think about what you said to me in the courtroom, that day I came to live with you guys for good. I'll never forget it because it was the best thing anyone ever said to me. 'The judge assigned me to your family. You don't have to share me, I belong to you now.' It was a lie, Dad. We _do_ have to share you. You belong to the world."

No answer.

"See you tomorrow, Dad. For a few hours, anyway."

Noah clicked off the line, only then noticing that Comet had jumped up onto his lap and was attempting to nuzzle him. He hugged the tiny dog against his chest, glad that Comet was capable of giving him undivided attention.

* * *

James had showered by the time Noah and Comet returned. As soon as the leash was off, Comet ran to James and hopped onto the couch for kisses. "Yes, baby, I see you. Hello." James pet the dog for a few seconds before studying Noah. "So you spent some time with Harvey? Did you go anywhere else?"

Noah shrugged, shoulders sagging after. "Walked Comet around the block twice, too."

"Letting off some steam?"

"I guess."

"I can tell you've been crying. You can't hide that from me."

"Yeah well, you can't hide it from me, either." Noah dropped onto the sofa, leaning back to let his head rest against a cushion. "You okay?"

"I'm better," James nodded. "I'm...sorry. I didn't want to hear what you've been trying to tell me for months now."

"It's the truth, Daddy," Noah said softly. "It's time we all faced it. This family's..."

Hearing that Noah was close to tears again, James shook his head. "Don't say it. True or not, I don't want to hear the words."

Noah turned sideways, head still on the cushion as he stared at his father. "What are you gonna do?"

"I...don't know. I don't know, baby. Get through tomorrow, I guess."

"They need an answer in the morning, right? Did you decide about the network?"

"No," James sighed. "Maybe...I don't want to pull you out of school or move away from our friends and family, but...maybe what we need is a change of scenery. This place has so many memories of your Dad and I can't..." He shook his head, angry at himself for the fucking tears that never stopped. Here they were again, right on cue. "I'm so sick of crying. I haven't cried this much since they took you away from me. But then I had Kendall, and..."

Noah dragged James into his arms. "And now you have me. This time he's the one gone and I'm here to help you, okay? Maybe you're right, and moving somewhere new is what we need. We can be happy, Daddy, and he can visit...when he can. Or maybe when he's home, we can visit him for a weekend or something. Unless you don't want that, and you'd rather just...start fresh without him."

The thought of doing that filled James with terror; what would he do without Kendall? True, he never saw Kendall as it was now, but...

He pulled away to look at Noah as he talked. "I don't know what I want. I miss your dad, but I don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye. I don't think I ever could. I know you don't understand, Noah. You see that I miss him and you see me crying and you blame him and just want me to be happy."

"Exactly. That's exactly what I'm feeling."

"But you can't understand what I feel for him. You don't know what it's like when we're alone together. Even if I only get that a few times a year...I'd rather that than nothing."

"But Daddy, you deserve better! You deserve someone who appreciates you and doesn't forget things that are important to you and maybe he used to be that guy, but he's not anymore. We need a father who's gonna be here."

James reached out to brush Noah's hair off his forehead. "You've got that in me. Am I not enough?"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Daddy, you know what I mean. Yes, you're enough for me, but I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you. I really do just want you to be happy."

"I know, baby. I think...I think I'm gonna see how it goes tonight, when I pick him up. I'm gonna really study him and see if he's still the man I fell in love with. Because if he is, there's hope."

Noah bit his lip. "And if not?"

"Then I guess it's time for a change. How would you feel about moving?"

"Honestly...I'd miss my uncles and all the grandmas and Grandpa. But I can find a new school, new friends. I just want you to stop crying and be happy."

James nodded. "Okay. Let's go out for dinner, maybe get some corn dogs and just talk. I know you have homework but—"

"I can do that after dinner. Should I go with you to the airport? To get Dad?"

James hesitated. "You know, it says a lot that you're asking that without really wanting it. You used to _beg_ me to let you go because you missed him so much."

"Well, he's not the same guy anymore. I just want to be there if you need me."

"No, baby, you need sleep. You have to get up early for school. And...I need time alone with him. To talk."

"Are you gonna tell him the truth for once? That this isn't working and you're not happy?"

James let out a deep breath. "Probably. I'll know within five minutes if it's not gonna work, so...yeah. I'll tell him we've decided to move and that he can do what he wants without having to worry about us anymore. I just...I hope he'll still come visit."

"It's gonna be okay, Daddy. No matter what happens or where we end up, we're gonna be okay."

It amazed James sometimes how often Noah sounded like Kendall. The man wasn't even here, but his son had learned from him so well that sometimes it felt like he was. And wasn't this how Kendall had reacted when his own father had abandoned the family? Wanting to protect his mother and sister, angry at his father and convincing himself they were better off without him. Noah looked a lot like James, but he'd grown up to behave much like Kendall—something James was grateful for every day, because Kendall was a good man. Noah would be, too.

"I know, baby," James smiled now. "We are. We're gonna be okay."

* * *

When Kendall had originally instructed his assistant to book the later flight, he'd been looking forward to the time alone to sleep. He never slept well without James and ran around half-exhausted most of the time, but luckily it didn't affect his performance in the courtroom. Paul had taught him that preparation was the key to winning a case, so the hard part was getting there; once in front of a judge, Kendall was on fire.

Rather than sleep on this flight, though, he used the time to think. To remember. To take a good, hard look at himself and his life because Noah's phone call had shaken him.

Kendall was right in that Noah didn't understand everything his father had to deal with on a daily basis; he also didn't understand that part of the reason Kendall worked so hard was to make sure his family was taken care of.

And that, perhaps, was the thought that woke Kendall up so suddenly that he sat bolt upright in the luxury seat he'd been assigned.

James' words from ten years before floated into his mind.

" _That's all I ever wanted, Mom. It wasn't about the money, I just wanted my mom."_

At what point had he turned into Brooke Diamond?

But surely that was an exaggeration, right? If it had gotten that bad, wouldn't James have said something by now? Wouldn't James be lashing out at him and demanding his attention?

 _He didn't do that with his mother. Didn't do it with Shannon. He decided that they didn't care about him and he shut them out, but he never told them how he really felt. He just...died inside._

"James," Kendall whispered, suddenly desperate to see his husband and son. Why was he stuck thirty thousand feet in the air when the place he needed to be most was on the ground with his family? How had he not seen it?

" _It was a lie, Dad. We_ do _share you."_

Kendall pulled out his phone and opened the photo app. If he couldn't be there, he needed to at least see them.

The amount of scrolling he had to do in order to find pictures of James and Noah left him stunned. Most of his recent photos were screenshots from research he'd done for cases, or documents he'd wanted close at hand to study in preparation. He finally found a group picture of the three of them. James had taken it with his long arm, capturing three happy smiles below a statue of some astronaut Noah admired. He remembered the trip clearly, but why was it so far back in his phone? It had just been the previous month, right?

According to the date on the photo, it had been _three_ months ago. Could that be right? Had it really been three months since they'd spent a family weekend together? He'd been home for weekends since then.

 _Working. You've been working. Didn't James just ask a few weeks ago if you wanted to go with them to a concert and you said no because you had too much work to do? Didn't Noah invite you to a convention about...something? And you said..._

"I don't have time," Kendall muttered. "I never have time."

Kendall laid back and closed his eyes, regret washing over him. He'd really done it, he'd turned into his mother-in-law. She'd seen the error of her ways before it was too late, though. Now she visited once a week along with his own mother for a dinner James prepared with excitement, except Kendall missed most of those dinners lately.

Was it too late for him? Kendall hoped not.


	57. Chapter 57

A/N—We've almost made it to the end. The next chapter will be the last for this story. I hope you guys have enjoyed it and thank you for reading! :)

* * *

Once on the ground, Kendall was frantic to get to James. He'd always been able to tell if something was wrong, from day one, just by looking into his husband's eyes. He hoped that skill hadn't faded with time, because James would probably pretend like everything was fine. And how long had he been doing that? How had Kendall missed it?

He sent a text telling James they'd landed and he'd be downstairs in a matter of minutes. James responded with a heart. It helped, but only a bit. Nothing would be right until he had James in his arms again.

Kendall reached the baggage area first. He scanned the space, finding James nowhere and groaning. Where was his husband?

A couple that had been hugging stepped apart, and there he was. _There._ His husband, the man who'd insisted on taking Kendall's last name because "You're Papa Bear and you take care of this family", the man who still to this day took Kendall's breath away when he stepped into a room.

James hadn't seen him yet. He wore a long coat similar to the one he'd owned when they met, his hair as perfectly styled as ever, face free of blemishes and practically glowing due to whatever those mysterious creams and serums did for him. His eyes roamed the large room as he walked with that grace he'd been born with, the same grace that made him such a fantastic dancer. His husband was the most beautiful man he'd ever laid eyes on, even to this day.

Peace filled Kendall, and he fell in love all over again.

* * *

James' stomach was alive with butterflies. It never changed, no matter how many years passed or how long they'd been apart—when this moment came, the butterflies took flight and his body began to hum.

Kendall was near.

Emotion crashed over him like a tidal wave, so many feelings he could barely contain them. This was what Kendall did to him, what Kendall had done from the start. No matter what else was going on around them or between them, they came together with the same desperation, the same need to _touch_ and _hold_ and _mesh_. Kendall had to be close, surely he was here somewhere or would be in—

James' breath stopped when their eyes met. He wanted to run. Instead he approached slowly, savoring the moment as a form of mild teasing; Kendall's gaze told him there would be sex tonight, and lots of it.

James could hardly wait.

He shivered as Kendall closed the distance, impatient now. A gentle hand came up to cup his cheek and Kendall whispered, "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?"

"Yes."

"Really."

"Mm-hm. The man of my dreams, he tells me that all the time."

"Ah. He must be a very lucky man."

"Not as lucky as I am."

Kendall's lips finally crashed into James', and here it was, what James had been so lonely without. This was what Noah didn't understand, _couldn't_ understand. When Kendall kissed him, nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect, and they fell in love as if they hadn't already lived through ten years of marriage. Peace swept through James when Kendall's arms wound around his waist to hold him close, and they continued to kiss with not a care in the world who might see or what anyone might think.

"I missed you," slipped from James' mouth when they finally broke the kiss, but that was muffled because Kendall was hugging him so hard.

"I know. I missed you, too. I'm sorry I was away so long."

"You're here now," James breathed, relief causing him to sag against Kendall. "You're here."

"I'm here."

James didn't want to think about the fact that it was for less than twenty-four hours. He didn't want to think about the loneliness that would creep in thirty seconds after kissing Kendall goodbye the following evening. He knew he needed to, that Noah was right and he was sad more than he was happy these days.

But right now with Kendall holding him tight, he couldn't bear to think about anything other than how right it seemed, how safe he was and how much love he felt in Kendall's embrace.

"I love you," Kendall whispered into his ear. "Don't ever doubt that."

James didn't. When Kendall took his hand to lead him over to the luggage carousel, James held on tight. All of his niggling suspicions about Josh fell away, as did his fear that Kendall was happier away from them.

It didn't matter where he and Noah moved to, Kendall would keep coming back. Probably not as often, and they'd have to learn to live with that, but Kendall needed them just as badly as they needed him. James felt it in the death grip on his hand.

Kendall was home.

* * *

"Thanks for coming to get me, I know it's late. I could've just called a car, but..."

"It's fine. I don't mind, I missed you."

"I see Noah didn't come with you this time."

James heard the disappointment in the comment and sighed while buckling himself into the passenger seat. "I told him to stay home and sleep. He has school in the morning."

"Right." Kendall turned on the car and prepared to back out of the space. "How uh...how is he?"

"Good. He has a lot to tell you, so I hope you can spare some time tomorrow just for...you know. Listening."

Kendall nodded slowly after facing forward again and putting the car in drive. "I'll need to make some phone calls in the morning, just to get things in place for my current case."

"Of course." James tried not to let it bother him.

"But then after that, I'm yours."

"Okay." Sure he would be, for maybe an hour before some crisis popped up and Josh called, and _Babe, I'm so sorry, I know it's your birthday but I have to fly out early and I can't make your dinner. I swear I'll make it up to you._ James tried to push those thoughts away because anxiety was rushing at him and Kendall could read that on his face. He stared out the window, away from Kendall just to be safe.

Kendall's hand dropped over his to twine their fingers. "I just need to put in for a postponement of Friday's hearing."

James' gaze swung back to Kendall. "Postponement?"

"Yeah. I'm not flying out tomorrow night. I'm gonna stay."

James' breathing stuttered. "For...how long?"

"Well, that depends on when the judge moves the hearing to, if he's even willing. Knowing this guy, probably not."

"Okay but...doesn't that mean you have to be there Friday, if he doesn't?"

"Nope. If we have to move forward Friday, Josh can handle it."

"Josh?" James echoed in disbelief. "Is he ready for that? I thought he was just like...shadowing you. Learning from you."

"He's an associate in my firm and he'll have to appear before a judge sometime, right?"

"But babe, what if he screws up? Then those poor kids you're fighting for, that guy who really wants a second chance with them...you can't let them down."

"I won't. Anything Josh does wrong can be undone, it'll just take time. Josh needs a chance to prove himself."

"Not on this case, which you told me is one of your hardest. Kendall, that family needs you."

Kendall squeezed his hand. "I think there's a family here that needs me more." When James looked away, he added, "Why did you act like it was fine for me to come in later tonight and leave again tomorrow when it wasn't? Noah told me you were crying."

"What? When the hell did you talk to Noah?"

"He called me earlier, before my flight."

James' jaw dropped. "That little shit. He told me he was going out to walk Comet."

"Well, he did say he was out with Comet, so that wasn't a lie. But he called and bitched me out while doing that, said a lot of things I needed to hear. I wish I'd heard them from you, and much sooner."

"Oh, so I'm just supposed to hold you back from your destiny, from your _dreams_ , because I get lonely sometimes?"

"Why not?"

"Because I can handle it," James spat.

"I don't think you can."

"Oh, really."

"Yep. Noah made it sound like you cry all the time."

James' mouth moved in outraged silence.

"And you're not denying it, so..."

"Kendall, I'm not a weakling. I know I cry a lot and it probably looks like I need someone but I survive just fine on my own. I did it for years before I met you, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. You weren't happy. You spent your time dancing for strangers and fucking random men and fantasizing about the man of your dreams, which you wanted more than anything."

"Don't make it sound like I'm nothing without you."

"Babe, I'm not. Trust me, I've always been the one to tell you that you're more than you think you are. You're right, you'd survive just fine. But would you be happy?"

James snatched his hand away from Kendall and glared out the window, arms crossed over his chest.

"Do you still love me?"

And now James was right back to outraged. "How dare you ask me that question! Did you not feel it in that kiss back there? Do you not see it in my eyes every time I look at you?"

"Okay. I just..."

"Just what? Doubt me now?"

"No, babe, I...my biggest fear is that I'll lose you and Noah. I think I'm getting close, and that scares me. It's time to make a change."

 _Change._ It was what he and Noah had been discussing, and coming out of Kendall's mouth the word felt like a weapon waiting to destroy them. "What...sort of change?"

"I've decided not to take cases outside the county anymore. There are plenty of families here that need me, right?"

James swallowed hard. "Sure, I mean...what are you saying, though?"

"I'm going to see this one through because it _is_ a tough one and I owe my client that. But otherwise my focus will be local. No more traveling, no more nights away, just Monday through Friday at my office and in courthouses within the county. I want to be home at night with my family. I want to forget about work over the weekend, and just spend time with you and Noah." He stopped the car for a red light and turned to James. "I miss you guys. Let's be a family again."

It was everything James needed to hear, what he'd been wishing for for months. And yet...

"Remember the day I told you that I don't want to hold you back? I don't mean just now, I mean years ago. Your dream was to do this, to save families, and—"

"And I told you that day that my dream was to do that with you at my side. Did you forget that part of it?"

"No," James murmured. "I just thought maybe you had."

The kiss Kendall was dying to give had to wait because the light turned green. He sped the car forward and sighed. "I got caught up in it. I can't stand to see families in pain."

"I know. I get that."

"But what Noah made me realize is that if I don't see this family, I don't see the pain. I used to be able to tell in two seconds if something was wrong with you or him. How did I miss this, James?"

James shrugged. "You weren't around to see it."

"I was sometimes. There should've been some sign. When did you get so good at hiding your feelings from me?"

"Babe...what you're forgetting is that when you're here, there _are_ no signs. Nothing _is_ wrong, because we have you home and it's all we want. We _are_ happy then. Everything's perfect when we're all together. It's only when you leave that things fall apart."

"I guess that makes sense."

James maneuvered in the seat so that he could lean over to lay his head on Kendall's shoulder. "Are you sure about this? About giving up the travel?"

"Absolutely. I'm tired of missing important milestones in my family. Noah told me he got into that advanced choir."

James shot up with a gasp. "What?! He told you?!"

"Is that bad?" Kendall frowned.

"He wouldn't even tell me! He wanted to wait and tell us both! Oh, that little _shit_!"

"Babe," Kendall chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, he only told me because he was pissed and used it as a weapon of guilt."

"Well...okay. Fine. But still!" James laid his head down again. "I'm proud of him."

"Me, too. He's been wanting into that for years."

"Yeah."

When James seemed to get lost in thought, Kendall prompted, "Is there anything else I need to know? Things going well with 'Classical Cooking'?"

"The show is...doing great. You will be home Saturday, right? For Noah's birthday and the awards show?"

"Yes, babe. It will be an honor to walk a red carpet with you."

"I'm so nervous. I don't even care if I win, it's just awesome to know that people really like what I do. Who knew a cooking show with classical music would be so popular?"

"I'm sure part of that is the fact that your recipes are incredible. And you're gorgeous."

James rolled his eyes. "Maybe, but I even have a ton of teenage viewers. I worked in a kitchen for three years and nobody cared. Put me on the Internet? Suddenly millions of people care. It's just...weird."

"But good, right?"

"Yeah. Babe...The Food Network got in touch with me the other day."

"The Food Network? _The_ Food Network?"

"Yeah, the one I was addicted to as a teenager. That one."

"And what did they say?"

James hugged himself tighter to Kendall's arm. "They want me on the channel and they need an answer by tomorrow morning. They're offering me a lot of money, like a budget to expand. I could actually be one of those people I used to watch every day on T.V."

"Why do you sound so surprised? You really are that good, James."

"It's...the whole thing blows my mind."

"What about Carlos?"

"I haven't told him yet. They said I could keep him as a producer but he's not gonna want to move away from Logan or his job at the Department of Energy. The show is just a hobby for him."

Kendall nodded; James was right about that. "Where would we move to?"

"New York. I mean, I _have_ always wanted to visit there, but...I don't really know how Noah feels about it. He said he wouldn't mind. I think he just said that because he doesn't want me to miss out."

"What about you? What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to uproot Noah. He's in that accelerated program at school, and he just got into that choir. He wouldn't want to live so far away from our moms and Sherry and Pete. And especially if you're gonna be home all the time now, you have a practice here that you'll need to run."

"I think you're forgetting that I can practice anywhere. As long as I have you and Noah with me, I'm willing to move, and I can get licensed in any state. But so far you haven't answered my question. You've told me your concerns for Noah and for me, but I'm asking you, James—what do _you_ want? Forget about us for a second. You've spent the past ten years putting us first and worrying about our needs. What about yours? What do you want for yourself, babe?"

 _This right here._ It was an easy question to answer, but James knew a simple response wouldn't convince Kendall. He had to make sure Kendall understood. "You know...we've lived at The Pembroke for ten years. Me longer, but...as a family, it's been ten years. With all the money you're making as a lawyer and with the revenue my videos bring in, we could live anywhere we want. We could've bought a big house by now, or some mansion on the coast, even moved to the middle of nowhere. But in all that time, neither of us has ever brought up the idea of moving. Why haven't you, Kendall?"

"I don't know," Kendall shrugged. "I guess I never really thought of it. I'm happy at The Pembroke, so..."

"Exactly. So am I. I love that Harvey keeps an eye on Noah when we're not there. I love the apartment we decorated together, as a family. You built Noah's first bed there, remember?"

Kendall smiled. "I'll never forget."

"The bookcase you two put together, it's still in his room. That dining room table where we researched so many things over the years, where we've had the big family discussions. The kitchen I started my show in and you fixed up for me and I still use and...the big window in the living room that we look out at night, the way you can see the city all lit up at Christmas time...I love all of that. You know what that apartment has that no other place does?"

"What, babe?"

"Memories. Our lives. It's the place we had our first real kiss. Where I first danced for you. We made love for the first time in that bedroom. We fell in love there, Kendall. It's home."

Kendall squeezed James' thigh. "So you're saying you don't want to move?"

"I don't think I do. And Carlos...he had this crazy idea for the show. He thinks we need a dance break."

"A...what?"

James laughed. "It's silly, right? But you know how he edits the videos so that you see me prepare everything and then I pop it into the oven and we just cut right back to me taking it out?"

"Right..."

"He was thinking that instead of editing that time out, we could have like a fifteen or twenty-minute session where I show my viewers dance moves. I know, I know, it's dumb."

"But I can tell you kind of like the idea," Kendall smiled.

"Oh my god, I'm such a freak but I do! It would be fun, I can teach Carlos on camera and show my viewers at the same time, and...it's lame. It would probably turn off half my audience."

"Eh, the teens might enjoy it. And if nothing else, the older viewers can enjoy a hot guy dancing for fifteen minutes. I'd watch for that," he teased.

James smacked him lightly. "Stop it, you're biased. What if I lose viewers, though?"

"Well, why not see how it goes? When you do it for the first time, tell them that it's just an idea you're trying for a few weeks and that you want feedback. Let them decide if they like it or not. I'm sure you'll know from the comments, right?"

"And from Twitter. My viewers are very vocal on Twitter."

"There you go, then. It gives you a chance to dance again, even in a limited capacity, and your audience might find it entertaining and fun. Just don't strip on camera."

"Kendall shut up, I'm not gonna strip!"

"Not outside the bedroom, you mean," he smirked. "As long as I still get that, I'm good."

"You're horny."

"I'm in your presence, what do you expect?"

A thrill coursed through James. The magic _was_ still there. "The thing is, I can't do something like that on the network. It's more controlled. I'd be losing the freedom to just do what I want on my show. They like that I cook and talk about the music I'm listening to. But they said we'd have to be more careful about what music I choose because of copyright issues, so that limits me, too."

"Don't you already have to worry about that?"

"Yeah, but it would be worse on T.V. And if I do decide to change things up, like with this dance break idea, I can't. My creative control is gone."

Kendall nodded. "You're going to say no, aren't you?"

"I didn't realize it until I talked it out with you, but...yeah. It's not for me. I'd have to rip my family away from home and probably spend more time working because it's a bigger production. It's more money, though."

"We don't need money, James. We're fine. We could pay Noah's college tuition five times over."

"That's crazy to think about, isn't it? Remember when he first came to live with us, how scared we were about money? Now we're rolling in it."

"Guess that means we did something right. Honestly, though, money isn't important to me as more than a means to take care of you guys and keep you happy. I don't need anything else."

James snuggled in closer to Kendall. "Stay home. That's what makes us happy."

Kendall wrapped an arm around James as he turned onto their street. "Me, too, babe. Me, too."

* * *

Even after ten years, Kendall could still tell when Noah was faking being asleep. He no longer used a nightlight, but the glow spilling in from the living room lit up the bedroom enough for Kendall to see his face above the blanket.

Kendall moved toward the bed and sank down onto the mattress. Comet stirred to lick Kendall's hand before closing his eyes again. There was no reaction from Noah, a sure sign that he was most definitely faking in hopes his dad would leave without forcing him into a conversation he dreaded.

A hand brushed Noah's hair back. It wasn't blond anymore, but had deepened into a lighter shade of brown than James currently sported. He was more pale than James, though, due to his mother's genes. Kendall leaned down to kiss his son on the forehead, and finally a reaction came through.

Noah sighed in annoyance. "I'm not a kid, dad."

"Really? Because on the phone earlier it sure sounded like you miss me tucking you in at night."

"I was just...saying stuff. Stupid stuff." Noah tried to pull the blanket up higher so that he could turn onto his other side. Kendall didn't move.

"Stuff that hurt your old man."

Now Noah froze, a hint of fear peering up at Kendall. "I was mad," he admitted. "Hurt. Is this where you yell at me and tell me I'm a bad son?"

Kendall's heart cracked. "When have I ever yelled at you, Noah? Not counting the times you were in immediate danger and I was trying to save you?" Noah said nothing. "This is the part where I thank you, buddy."

Hazel eyes the same shade as James' widened. "Thank me?"

"Yep. You woke me up. Showed me what I was too busy to see. I'm sorry that it came to this, that you had to yell for me to finally open my eyes and realize what I was doing to you and Daddy."

Noah swallowed, his gaze darting away. "We just miss you. It's not the same when you're gone."

"I know. I never meant to hurt you guys."

"It's not so much me as Daddy. He pretends like everything's fine and—"

"It's not, I know. I'm sorry. If it's still okay, I'd really like to go with you to that Space Camp."

"Yeah, right," Noah spat. "Like you can take a week off work."

"I can. I'm my own boss. Tell me when it is and I'll clear my schedule."

"Won't you have a million other families who need you? What if a judge schedules a hearing that week?"

"Then I will tell the judge I'm not available. This family comes first."

"Since when?" Noah asked skeptically.

"Since right now. I'm not going to work anywhere else after this case is done. I want to be home from now on."

Noah tried to sit up, and this time Kendall shifted to allow it. He stared at his father with hope and the kind of trust he hadn't put in Kendall for a long time. "You mean it?"

"I mean it. No more being gone overnight. I'll be home every weekend. Go with you wherever you want."

Apprehension spread across Noah's face. "We might move. Daddy and I were talking about moving, and I know you have to stay here."

"Nobody's moving. We talked it over on the drive home. Unless...do you _want_ to move?"

"No! No, I want to stay here with you and Daddy and just...I want us all to be together again, like it used to be. I miss game nights and movie nights and you helping me with homework and weekend trips to the beach. Day trips to the zoo and...Dad, I just miss having you here." He always tried so hard to hide it when the tears came, and Noah was much better at it than James but in this moment he couldn't hold them back. "Just...stay."

Kendall pulled him close, the same sort of peace falling over him that did when James was in his arms. Nothing felt like holding his family. "I promise. I promise this time, baby. I'll have to fly back to Boston at least once or twice more for the current case, but when that's done I'm home for good. And I'm not leaving tomorrow, I'm staying for the entire weekend."

"Really?"

"Yes, baby."

Noah let out a sob into Kendall's shoulder. "That was my birthday wish."

"Well...happy birthday."

"Thank you, Dad. Thank you. I just don't want Daddy to cry anymore."

"I can't promise that, I mean...your daddy does cry _a lot_."

"I know," Noah laughed. He used a corner of a sheet to wipe his eyes. "Just...make sure they're happy tears."

"I'll do my best." He kissed Noah's cheek, a gesture he hadn't used probably since Noah was nine. "Lay down and get some sleep."

"I know, I know, school tomorrow," Noah sighed, falling back against the mattress.

"Nope, you're staying home."

"I am?"

"It's Daddy's birthday. I was thinking we'd start out the day letting him make us breakfast, since that's still his favorite thing."

"Waffle sandwiches?"

"Hell yeah. Then maybe we'll treat him to...oh, I don't know. What do you think Daddy wants to do on his birthday?"

"Hmm. He has been needing a new skillet, he was complaining about it earlier. We could take him shopping for kitchen stuff."

"He does love that," Kendall grinned. "But let's make it IKEA, so you and I aren't bored to death."

"Deal! Then let's surprise him with lunch at that Italian place he loves."

"Yes!"

"Oh, but we can't forget to stop at the cabin for his free birthday latte. You know how much he counts on that every year."

"Annie will be happy to see us," Kendall agreed. "And if you're lucky, I'll whip you up a hot chocolate."

"With whipped cream?"

"Of course. And then...what time is Daddy's dinner?"

"Seven. Harvey said he might be a little late, but he'll be there."

"Perfect. Your grandparents?"

"Grandma Brooke and Grandma Jen are picking up Katie and her boyfriend on the way. I don't think Grandpa and Grandma Sherry are coming. You know how uncomfortable she is around everybody."

"Yeah, well...her loss. As long as she comes to _your_ birthday celebration."

"She promised to be there for that."

"Good. I talked to Carlos earlier, he and Logan will be there. Am I forgetting anyone?"

"Lucy called last night. She gets back into town tomorrow morning and she said Jett doesn't have to go in until ten, so they'll be there."

"Great. And the reservation's already made?"

"Yeah, Grandma Brooke handled that. They didn't want to let us bring our own cake in, but she used Daddy's name. Told them he made it himself."

"Did he?" Kendall wondered. "He's not as good with desserts."

"Nah, he let the bakery do it. But they don't need to know that."

It was just sneaky enough to sound like something James would say. Every day Kendall was reminded more and more that he was raising James Diamond's son, and the different last name didn't change that. Noah was slowly growing into a handsome, confident young man who was going to succeed in whatever he put his mind to; his aspirations changed from week to week.

There was only one thing Noah still had trouble with. Kendall tried every night, hoping he'd get past it, but so far no luck. Ten years later, Noah still couldn't say the words out loud. The closest he would come was a green heart via text message, and even that was rare.

Kendall would never give up hope. He hugged his son before moving to the door, where he looked back and tried again. "I love you."

Noah's eyes answered the statement; he wanted to say it, that much was apparent. His voice, however, continued to remain silent.

Noah was still afraid to speak the words aloud.


	58. Chapter 58

A/N—Well, we made it. Just a few weeks shy of a year later, I'm posting the final chapter of this story. I have to admit that this story has probably been my favorite to write. It's in my top 3 of all the stories I've ever written, and part of the fun of it was sharing the story with you guys. So thank you, to everyone who gave this story a chance and to those who stuck with it this far, and especially to those who reviewed to tell me how they felt about it. It means so much more when your words touch other people. Also want to thank my awesome friend who reads over and edits these chapters for me and tells me what works and what doesn't. I really would be lost without you!

For those reading "Wouldn't It Be Good", I'll probably post the second chapter of that next week.

So...here we go. The last chapter in the lives of Noah, James, and Kendall Knight. I've spent the past year with these characters in my head, and I'm going to miss them so much.

* * *

He followed the sound of brushing to the bathroom and when he got there, just leaned against the jamb to let his eyes feast on the sight before him. James' mouth was covered in foam as he brushed, but it didn't take away from the beauty. The robe's color had changed from crimson to a deep blue that shimmered as he moved, and James' hair was shorter now than it had been when they first fell in love. There were a few more lines around his eyes (which he waged a nightly war on with some sort of serum), and when Kendall looked more closely he spotted one gray hair sprouting from the back of James' head (that James would never hear about from Kendall's lips). Otherwise it was like seeing the past when he looked into the mirror and their eyes met.

James was right, this was their home. They'd made countless memories here and would continue to make many more. When Kendall slid his arms around James' waist, it felt just like it had in those early days. Kendall hoped the feeling never changed.

He pressed his mouth to James' neck, happy when a pleased sound erupted; James still felt it, too.

"Are you forgiven?" James mumbled around his toothbrush.

"Mm-hm. I just have to promise to never make you cry again."

"Ha!" The exclamation caused James to choke so that he bent forward to spit foam out of his mouth. "Back off, horndog, I'm trying to brush my teeth here."

Kendall grinned but gave James space. He watched every movement, soaking in the peace that came with it.

"Good luck with that," James finally said once he'd rinsed and wiped his mouth dry. "I cry twenty times a day."

"Well, he said happy tears are okay."

"Did he?" James chuckled. He nudged Kendall out of the way and moved past him. Kendall followed him into their bedroom, making sure to close the door.

"Yeah. You know, even earlier today when he was yelling at me on the phone, it wasn't about him. It was you. He was pissed at me because you were upset. He looks out for you."

James sank down onto the bench in front of his vanity before glancing back at Kendall. "And where do you think he learned that? Who taught him that, Kendall?"

Kendall dropped his gaze, cheeks heating up. "He worried about you the first week he lived here. Long before I taught him anything."

"He worried about me dying. Because Shannon had just died. But all the rest? Taking care of me? That all came from you. From _Dad_."

"Papa Bear," Kendall smirked.

"Papa Bear," James agreed. He unscrewed a cap to pour lotion onto his fingers, then rubbed it onto his face. "In case I haven't said it, Mama Bear's glad you're home."

Kendall smiled. "You have. How long is that gonna take?"

"What, this? No longer than usual, just getting ready for bed. Why, you can't wait for sex?" James teased.

"Well, that too, but I haven't given you your birthday present yet. It's after midnight, so...happy birthday, babe."

James' fingers stopped moving. "You got me a present?"

"Of course I did! Did you really think I wouldn't?"

"No, I just...you've been so busy and...things felt weird between us and...I don't know, I thought..."

"You thought wrong. Where's my suitcase? I set it here earlier but now it's—"

"I put it in the closet. Didn't expect you'd need any clothes out of there tonight. Please tell me I'm not wrong."

"You're not wrong," Kendall laughed. He reached into the closet for the suitcase. "Your gift is in there."

Now James turned on the bench to glare at Kendall. "I swear to God, if you picked up something cheap for me at the airport because it was convenient, I'll—"

"James, relax, I'm not _that_ bad of a husband. Trust me, a lot of thought went into this."

"Why is it in your suitcase then?"

"Because I knew if I hid it around the apartment, you'd find it. I've been keeping it with me for the past month just in case. And if you don't believe me, ask Logan. He helped me decide on the final design, and that was three months ago."

"Three months ago? Did you say _design_?"

"Yes and yes. Now are you finished with your face? Can we do this?"

"My face can wait." Excited, James wiped his fingers clean with a cloth and turned to face Kendall, hands clasped together in his lap. "I'm ready."

"You're adorable," Kendall grinned. He lifted the small box from an inner pocket, not missing a gasp from across the room.

"Is that...it looks like a ring. Kendall, you're not like...proposing to me again, are you? We're already married."

"I'm aware of that. Do you see me on my knees?"

"Hey, I wouldn't put anything past you. You blindsided me with that. I never know what to expect from you."

"Yes, you do. You know me better than anybody." Kendall closed the distance and then dropped to his knees. "But while I'm here..."

"Kendall Knight, don't you dare propose to me! Don't you _dare_ steal my Christmas present idea!"

Kendall blinked a few times, stunned. "Christmas present idea? You're going to propose to me at Christmas?"

"No, not exactly, it was more of a...renewal thing. You know, like how people renew their vows? Only I thought we could get away for a weekend, just the two of us, and we could like...rededicate ourselves to this marriage and this family and...wow, I just ruined it, didn't I? Now you won't be surprised."

A slow smile widened Kendall's mouth. "I love that idea."

"Really? I wasn't sure, with the way things have been going lately, but I thought of it last year on our anniversary. I thought we should do something special for year ten. But if you're not proposing to me, then why are you on your knees with a ring box? Wasn't it you who said 'Can you think of a better reason for me to be on my knees with a ring in my hand?'"

"The fact that you remember those exact words," Kendall marveled. "Your memory is scary sometimes, babe. But I'm counting on it now. When I proposed to you, I used a toy ring Noah gave to me. You remember that, right?"

"Of course I do. I thought it was beautiful. Not the ring so much as the sentiment behind it."

"And what was that sentiment?"

"Well, Noah gave it to you so you'd have him near. And then you said something to me about how marrying me was also a way of keeping him near. Or...was that it?"

"Close enough. The part I wanted you to remember is that the ring was a symbol of family. _Our_ family."

"Okay?"

Kendall opened the box to reveal a gold band with three tiny heart-shaped stones in it. The one in the middle was a deep red, and the outer two were green. "This is us. A garnet for you, because it's your color. Noah and I are the emeralds, because that's _our_ color, and we sit on either side of you. As long as we're around, you're never alone."

James' hand trembled as he reached for the box. Tears were already falling.

"And on the inside," Kendall continued while pulling the ring free from its casing. He tilted it so James could see. "It's the date he officially moved in with us, the day the judge said he could stay. And our initials. K-J-N."

"Me in the middle," James whispered.

"We're always here with you, even when we're far away. You're never alone, James."

James held out his right hand so that Kendall could slip the ring on. It was a perfect fit. "I love you," he murmured. "I never stopped, not even when I thought you didn't love me anymore."

Kendall wrapped him up in a tight embrace. "I'll never stop loving you, either. Without you, I have nothing."

"Kendall, it's beautiful. It's so beautiful. I'll never take it off."

"I know," Kendall whispered, grateful to have this fragile being's love and devotion. He'd come close to losing it when James started to shut down, and thank God for Noah's rude awakening. "Family stays together."

"Love me," James begged softly.

"Always."

"No, babe... _love_ me. Show me, I need to feel it everywhere."

Kendall started at James' lips, and stayed there for a long time.

* * *

"Look at that!" James exclaimed as he jumped out of the car. "A perfect sunset on my birthday! Could this day get any better?!"

Noah slammed the back door and joined him, looking off to the west. "Wow, it really is perfect. I feel like I see a million colors up there."

From the other open back door, Kendall called out, "Yeah, you two just keep staring at the sky while I try to juggle all of this, it's totally fine. Oh shit, there goes the cake..."

"Not my cake!" James gasped. He rushed around the car and smacked Kendall's shoulder. "You ass, you haven't even touched the cake yet!"

"Gotcha," Kendall grinned. He leaned in for a kiss; all of James' outrage fled as his lips turned up. James met the kiss with a happy hum.

"Guys, come on, at this rate we'll never get inside the building. Once you two start kissing, it's over."

Partly to annoy Noah but mostly just because he wanted to, Kendall tipped James back into a dip and kissed him harder. James' arms came up around his neck and held on tight.

"Oh my god, stop, people are starting to stare."

"Let them," Kendall said as he straightened, bringing a slightly-dazed James with him. "It's your father's birthday. He gets what he wants."

"Do I?" James whispered into his ear. "Do I get _everything_ I want later?"

"Your wish is my command, Master."

A shiver ran through James. Kendall smiled again before turning back to Noah. "I popped the trunk, if you want to grab your present for Daddy."

"Kay."

Kendall's eyes narrowed, a thought occurring to him that hadn't before, and wow he really was late to catch on to things, wasn't he? "Here babe, take your cake in. I'm gonna help Noah with that."

"I'm sure he can handle it on his own, Kendall. It's not huge."

"Just...let me do this, okay?"

"Fine, fine. Move so I can..."

James grabbed the cake, stopping just long enough for a quick kiss to Kendall's lips before heading toward the restaurant. "I'm _so_ happy you're home!" he called back.

"Me, too!" After taking a few extra seconds just to watch his husband walk, Kendall closed the last car door and waited for Noah to do the same to the trunk. He used a remote to lock everything. "Noah, hang on."

Having been about to follow his father, Noah turned back.

"I need to ask you something." He waited until he'd closed the distance so he could speak quietly. "Does it bother you when Daddy and I kiss? Like...does it really gross you out?"

Noah's face scrunched up. "What? No, I really just didn't want to be stuck out here all night."

"Are you sure? You can tell me the truth. Now that you're older you're forming opinions about stuff like that and—"

"And what? You're afraid Grandma Sherry got to me? That I think you guys are evil?"

Kendall's heart stopped. That was exactly what he'd been afraid of. "Do you?"

An eye roll was actually a welcome response. "Don't you think if that was the case, you guys would know by now?"

"Well, I haven't been around much. I might've missed something."

"Dad..." Noah set the brightly-wrapped package on the trunk of the car and faced him. "No. If you want the truth...it makes me happy when you guys kiss. Because it makes Daddy happy."

"Just Daddy?" Kendall teased. "You don't care about _my_ happiness?"

"Oh my god, stop, of course I do. But Daddy's..."

"I know," Kendall smiled. "I get it."

"But I don't go around telling anyone that, because...how weird does that sound? 'Hey guys, kiss some more, it makes me feel more secure and like everything's fine!' You know?"

"Yeah." Kendall let out a relieved breath. "I just wanted to make sure we're not making you uncomfortable."

"Well, I mean...don't start making out in front of me. I don't need to see that."

"We save that for the bedroom," Kendall laughed. "Mostly."

"And I appreciate it. But...the truth is..."

Noah's rapidly reddening face intrigued Kendall. "Go on."

"That's what I want someday. When I find the person I'm going to marry, I want to have what you guys have. So...no. It doesn't really bother me."

"Good," Kendall smiled. "You'll find it. I promise, Noah, you're an amazing young man and when you're older... _much_ older," he added in a warning tone, "you'll find that."

"I hope so." He heaved the box into his arms again before they started walking toward the entrance. "Daddy showed me the ring. Good call."

"Yeah? I thought so. Nothing means more to him than us, so..."

"He almost started crying when he told me what the hearts meant."

"Sounds like Daddy."

A loud voice reached them from across the parking lot. "Hey man, can I get one of your famous lattes with cinnamon sprinkles and whipped cream?"

Kendall shook his head while laughing. He turned to look and called back, "Sorry, we're closed! Come back never!"

Carlos was jogging toward them, Logan trailing at a slower pace with a gift bag in hand. "Come on, don't act like you don't miss that place sometimes. I know I do."

"What, working with your husband at the Department of Energy isn't good enough?" Kendall asked.

"Nah, it's the best thing ever," Carlos assured him. "But it's a little more stressful than pouring coffee, you know?"

Noah pointed out, "No offense, Uncle Carlos, but I thought you were just like...some sort of assistant."

"He is," Logan confirmed, finally catching up. "They've been letting him give input during our brainstorming sessions, though. Carlos doesn't think like everybody else and he actually gives us a lot of new ideas. Some are...not so great."

"Hey, I try," Carlos argued.

"But others are feasible and have led to some breakthroughs. Then I stress out a lot trying to put them to practical use and I think that, in turn, stresses _him_ out."

"He's impossible to live with sometimes," Carlos confided in a loud whisper.

"Don't I always make it up to you?"

Carlos' lips twitched. "Yeah, you definitely do that."

Kendall reached the door first and held it for Noah, then motioned Logan in. "You guys go ahead, I need to talk to Carlos for a second."

Logan glanced back, the humor gone from his eyes. There was some sort of silent communication between him and Carlos before the door closed. Kendall thought he knew what that was about.

"What's up?" Carlos asked once they'd moved away from the entrance. He was no longer smiling, either, and his hands were in his pockets.

Kendall tried to catch his eye and couldn't. "So I'm both mad at you and grateful. At the same time."

Carlos' head shot up then, eyes blazing. " _You're_ mad at _me_?"

"A little bit. I count on you to tell me when something's wrong with my family."

"I shouldn't have to, man. You should be home."

"I know," Kendall nodded. "And that's why I'm also grateful. Because you tried to tell me last night, and I...I was an idiot. I didn't get it."

"I've been trying to tell you for a long time, dude. They're not happy. They need you home more."

"Well, Noah _did_ tell me. He got it all out and...I'm done traveling. I'm only going to take local cases after this one. I just wanted to thank you for caring enough to even try to get through to me."

"Hey, I gotta look out for my godson, right? I mean, it's a long list, all the grandparents would have to be dead first, but you guys did make us godparents. I don't take that lightly."

Kendall was overwhelmed with gratitude for his best friend. He hugged Carlos to him. "Thank you. Please don't ever hesitate to tell me something like this. I know you were trying to be diplomatic and say it's not your business, but it is. If my guys aren't happy, for any reason, I need to know."

"You're welcome, bro." Carlos patted Kendall's back and stepped away. "Now can we get in there and eat? Lunch was a long time ago, and I've been thinking about shrimp fried rice all day."

"Always worried about your stomach," Kendall teased. He slung an arm across Carlos' shoulders and moved toward the door.

"I'm also impatient for James to open his gift. We got him some new high tech spatula that Logan says he's gonna cream himself over."

"Let's hope he doesn't do that at the table," Kendall laughed.

They were shown to the banquet room, where everyone who was important in James' life was currently gathered. Most of them were laughing. It was exactly what James had wanted for his birthday, and even from across the room Kendall could see the way his husband's eyes were shining with happiness. Seated at James' left, Noah had the same look in his eyes.

Kendall wondered for a moment how he'd ever been stupid enough to leave all of this for two weeks. Even one week was too much. This was home, and this was where he belonged. No other family could bring him the joy that this one did.

James looked over then, and his face lit up further. He patted the empty chair to his right.

Kendall didn't hesitate.

* * *

After the cake was served, it was like musical chairs at the table. Everyone moved around to watch James open presents. Phones came out to record the moments that would become memories forever frozen in time. Kendall remained in his place at James' side, and Noah did the same. Otherwise, all bets were off.

Carlos had been next to Kendall, but was now at the other end of the table in conversation with Jennifer. Brooke had turned away from them to talk to Harvey. A little further down was a cluster made up of Katie, her boyfriend, and Lucy. Logan had disappeared after receiving a phone call; he was allowed that because it didn't happen often. Jett was now in Carlos' seat, and Kendall tuned back into the conversation he was stuck in the middle of about...

Wait, did Kendall hear that right?

"What did you just say?" he asked Jett.

"It's true." Jett's face flushed and he hung his head. "Never thought I'd say it, but...I'm batting for the other team now."

James was beside himself with both shock and pride. "I knew it! I always knew it! I've watched you two go through a ton of lovers for ten years and thought it was a shame you'd never look at each other like that because she doesn't like guys and you don't like girls. But you're perfect together!"

Jett shushed James. "Keep it down, we're not ready to like...tell the world yet. It's still new for us."

"But ten years in the making," Kendall smiled. "You and Lucy, though? Really? How does that even happen?"

"Well, we _have_ been best friends for a long time."

"Okay, but so have me and Carlos. You don't see us hooking up. Lucy's always said a man couldn't satisfy her."

"Right, dude, that's exactly how this happened!" Jett hissed. "We'd had a little to drink one night—"

"Just a little?" James teased.

"Okay, maybe more than a little. And maybe we were a tiny bit lonely. But we got into an argument and she was saying that no man could ever satisfy her. I said she was wrong, that it's women who don't know how to satisfy men. You know her, she got all offended and said I didn't know what I was talking about, that satisfying a guy is easy. That offended _me_ , so I said she's full of shit and that..." Jett looked over to make sure Noah wasn't listening and lowered his voice. "That she wouldn't even know where to start with a guy. We basically dared each other and...turns out we were both wrong. I had no idea any woman could make me feel like that."

"And she felt the same?" James pressed. "It wasn't just you, right?"

"No, it wasn't just me. Things were a little awkward the morning after, but we got past it. Now we're...you know. Together. Like _really_ together."

"Jett, I'm so happy for you!" James exclaimed. Kendall leaned out of the way to allow a hug between them. "If I'm not best man at your wedding, I'll—"

"James, relax, nobody's talking marriage yet. Let us get used to just being a couple first, okay?"

"Whatever," James grinned. "It's gonna happen. She's stuck by you through every heartbreak since me, and you've done the same for her. It's meant to be!"

Kendall added, "Congratulations, Jett. It takes a special man to put up with Lucy."

"She's definitely different," Jett laughed. "But that's what I like about her."

Kendall caught Logan walking back into the room and stood up. "I'll be right back, babe."

Distracted, James let him go after a squeeze to his thigh. Kendall gestured for Logan to join him far enough away from the table that they didn't have to raise their voices. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just work stuff. Sorry, they won't be calling again."

"It's fine. If anyone knows about work stuff, it's me."

"Right," Logan nodded. "So...Carlos told me you decided to stay home more?"

"I did. I was an idiot."

"He's been wanting to tell you that for a long time."

"That I'm an idiot?" Kendall chuckled.

"Pretty much, yeah. I think he used a harsher word, though."

Kendall shrugged. "Well, he's right. But hey, tell me more about this Space Camp thing."

"Oh! Are you going? Noah really wants you to go with him."

"I'm sure he would enjoy your company more at something like that, but I understand that work—"

"Kendall," Logan interrupted. "It wasn't work. I made that up."

Kendall frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Originally when I made the reservations, it was for me and Noah. I thought he'd enjoy it."

"He will."

"But I had to tell him about it early so that he didn't make plans that week. There's a waiting list. It's next summer."

"Okay?"

"And we were talking about it, and...he said something about how he wished you didn't work so much. He said it would be so much fun with you. Then he felt bad, like he'd offended me, and I assured him I knew what he meant, that he just misses you. He said getting away with you for a week would be the ultimate. I think that's the word he used. Anyway. So Carlos and I talked it over and agreed to 'have a mandatory work conference' so that you'd have to step up. We figured worst case scenario James could go with him, and they'd have a great time. But we really hoped you'd make the right choice and put Noah before work."

"I did," Kendall nodded. "I'm going with him. Where are you and Carlos actually going?"

"Canada. There's a national park there that's said to be one of the best places in the world to stargaze. He's determined to find a secluded spot so we can make love under the stars. Please talk him out of this so we don't get arrested."

Kendall snickered. "That is so Carlos."

"Kendall, I'm serious. You know he'll talk me into it if you don't talk him out of it."

"I don't know, Logan. That's pretty romantic. Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"Kendall!"

"Oh! Speaking of lifetime opportunities, I have one more gift for James. I almost forgot. Let's—"

" _Kendall."_

The sound of that forceful voice still put him on edge sometimes, even ten years later. How had James survived it as a child? "Yes, Brooke?"

"We need to talk."

Logan cleared his throat and skittered away to leave Kendall alone in the belly of the beast. _Thanks a lot, buddy._ "Now? Can't it wait until—"

"Now."

She pinched the sleeve of Kendall's shirt and dragged him into a further corner so they wouldn't be overheard. "Look at my son."

Kendall glanced back. James was examining the new spatula with Noah, both of them in awe as they read the packaging. "I see him. He's gorgeous."

"What else do you see?"

"Uh...Noah?"

"I'm talking about James. Look more closely."

Kendall fought down the urge to roll his eyes. He loved his mother-in-law, but she could be so dramatic. "What am I looking at?"

"His face. His eyes. Tell me what you see."

Right at that moment James burst into laughter over something Noah said. His eyes sparkled. "Happy. I see happy."

"Exactly! And do you know why that is?"

"Uh..." Why did she sound angry about it? "Because it's his birthday and everyone he cares about is here?"

"Wrong. That face only appears when you're around. You don't know that because you're gone so much, but I hear it in his voice. I see it at the weekly dinners. He puts on the fake smile and gives us the fake laugh, but I know my son and he's not happy lately. You have no idea what you're—"

"Brooke." It was time to nip this in the bud. "I appreciate what you're trying to tell me, but you don't have to worry anymore. Noah had the talk with me yesterday."

"The talk? The same one I'm giving you?"

"Yes. He made it clear that I was in the process of destroying this family. I've changed my ways."

"Have you now?" Arms crossed over her chest, she wasn't convinced.

"Yep. I'll be home now."

"How often?"

"Every night. Every weekend. I'm done working anywhere but here."

"Well. I'm glad you've seen the light. _And_ that my grandson is smart enough to say what we've all been thinking. Your poor mother never gets to see you either, and don't think she's okay with that."

"I'll be home for the dinners now. Promise."

"You'd better, or we'll be having this chat again."

 _Heaven forbid._ Still, it meant a lot to him that Brooke watched out for James and Noah. He stopped her from walking away with a hug. "Thanks. I'm glad they have you."

"And I'm glad they have you. Now that that's taken care of and my boys are happy, I need to get home. James was done opening presents, right?"

"I just have one more thing to give him, but you don't need to be here for that. Actually...I think I'm gonna wait until we get home for it."

"Then I'll make my rounds to say goodnight. Kendall?"

"Yes, Brooke?"

"I'm proud of you. I know what it's like to lose yourself in your work and think you're doing it all for your family. But I learned too late that what they need most is your time and attention."

Kendall smiled. "I think you learned just in time."

* * *

An hour later Kendall was in his favorite place with his favorite people. He stared out the picture window at all the lights, James behind him and Noah at his side. In the distance he could make out IKEA, the place that had supplied them with almost anything they could ask for over the years. He remembered the first time he'd stared out this window, Noah on his hip and James afraid to say something that would make his son even more scared of him.

Now Noah laid his head on his father's shoulder. "It never gets old, does it? It's still just as beautiful as it was when I was five."

"That feels like so long ago," James sighed. "Do me a favor and stop growing up?"

"Sorry, Daddy," Noah chuckled. "Can't really help it."

"Fine. Be that way."

Kendall smiled, understanding James' feelings. Sometimes he wished they could go back to those early years, too. But Noah made them proud every day, and he could only imagine what else they'd be around to see him accomplish. Soon enough he'd be graduating and going away to college. It was both a wonderful and scary thought.

For now, though, they still had time. And Kendall wasn't going to waste any more of it.

"I have one more present for you, babe."

"Another one? Kendall, the ring is plenty."

"Yeah, but this one...it's a little selfish. Because I benefit from it, too."

Perhaps recalling a conversation they'd had many years ago, James smirked. "Didn't we once agree that those are the best kinds of...presents?"

"We did. But this one involves Noah, too."

Noah was suddenly much more interested. "It does?"

"Yep. I booked us a trip this morning."

"All of us?" Noah clarified.

"All of us. It's a family trip, because I know that nothing makes my husband happier than family adventures."

James gasped in anticipation. "Where are we going?"

"Where you've always wanted to go. The Knight family is spending the week after Christmas in New York. You get to see the ball drop live and in person on New Year's Eve."

For once, James was speechless. His tears spoke volumes, as did the trembling of his lips and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Dad, you made him so happy he can't even talk."

Kendall grinned. "So...is that okay then? All three of us getting lost in a new city? Together?"

"Babe..." James managed.

Noah watched his father closely, seeing what Kendall did: James hadn't been this happy in years. He looked from James to Kendall and whispered, "I love you, Dad."

James choked on a sob before staring at his son in disbelief.

Kendall's eyes were suddenly wet, too. He reached out for Noah and hugged him tight. "I love you, too, baby. And I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

James pushed his way into the hug so that Kendall's arms encircled both. He'd forgotten how good this felt, how right it was when the three of them were together. Nothing else came close to this feeling, it was like...

"You did it," James murmured into his ear. "You're magic."

Not alone, he wasn't. Only together did they make the magic happen. Kendall vowed to never lose that magic again.


End file.
